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COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL August 5, 2015 Cottage Grove Sentinel If retirees don’t stop moving here, we may have to blow up some whales H ITCHING A RIDE www.cgsentinel.com @ cgsentinel @cgsentinel #cgsentinel 9A BY NED HICKSON News Media Corporation Cottage-Grove-Sentinel M Congratulations! Employee to our Resident of the Month of the Month Suzanne Hansen Zada Mcgoun for the Month of July, 2015 Magnolia Gardens 541-942-0054 1425 Daugherty Ave. • Cottage Grove Come to the Humane Society of Cottage Grove’s NAME YOUR PRICE SALE Sales Benefi t the rea! Animals In Our A photo by Jon Stinnett Middlefi eld Oaks residents and guests watch as Mondo the tur- tle and Steve the iguana show off during the facility's Alzheim- er's walk fundraiser Friday afternoon. The animals were guests from Eugene's Zany Zoo, and the event also featured cotton candy, hot dogs, a dunk tank and live entertainment. Middlefi eld Oaks Director Tesla Thoms said that the event aimed to raise funds for a team from the facility that plans to participate in the Walk to End Alzheimer's on Sunday, Oct. 11 at Alton Baker Park in Eugene. Those interested in joining the team may visit http:// act.alz.org/goto/middlefi eldoaks for more information. Friday & Saturday August 7 & 8 American Legion Hall 826 W. Main Cottage Grove, OR 10:00 a.m. to 4 p.m. S E I V MO THURSDAYS AT DUSK OUTSIDE FRIDAYS 8 PM MAP ROOM THEATER SATURDAYS 5PM & 8 PM MAP ROOM THEATER 'Quilters' opens Aug. 14 at Cottage Theatre A chapter of American history comes alive on stage in August, as Cottage Theatre presents “Quil- ters,” a musical patchwork of pioneer life, for 11 performances from Aug. 14-30. This fourth production of Cot- tage Theatre’s 2015 season is written by Molly Newman and Barbara Dam- ashek and is based on “The Quilters: Women and Domestic Art” by Patricia Cooper and Norma Bradley Allen. Based on true narratives of pioneer women, “Quilters” dramatizes the strenuous realities of 1800s frontier life. Prairie fi res, twisters, starvation- and death are interspersed with lively, and often humorous, accounts of cabin construction, courtship and childhood pranks. The patterns of life — the dark times contrasted with the light — are refl ected in the women’s quilts, as are the connection, strength and creativity they shared. Cottage Theatre’s production of “Quilters” is directed by Eliza Roar- ing Springs, with musical direction by Catricia Mayhue and choreography by Nancy Anderson. The all-female cast features Brenda Sawyer as the mother, and Stefhani Anderson, Siv Serene Barnum, Amber Brower, Rosalia D’Amato, Donia Hovet, Annie Read Pusey, Madeleine Sisson, and Nancy Anderson as her daughters. Performances are Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings at 8 p.m. and Sunday afternoons at 2:30 p.m. In conjunction with this produc- tion, the Cottage Grove Museum will hold a special exhibit of historic quilts from their collection. Cottage Quilts: Piecing Together Our Past features 100 years of quilts from the museum collection dating from 1840 through 1940. Special museum hours during the run of Cottage Theatre’s Quilters are Thursday from 4-6 p.m., Friday and Saturday from 1-6 p.m. and Sun- day from 1-4 p.m. The museum is housed in a unique, octagonal, Nation- al Register listed building constructed in 1897 and located just blocks from Historic Downtown Cottage Grove at 147 N. H Street. Admission to the mu- seum is free. any of you have heard that Florence, Ore., where my family and I live, was once again named one of THE best places to retire in the Unit- ed States. I say “many of you” because, at this very moment, both roads leading into town are clogged with traffi c, most of which consists of giant U-Hauls driven by white-knuckled retirees from Florida. My guess is that they were told to evacuate due to hurri- cane [insert most recent here], and just kept heading west until they (a) hit water again, or (b) found the brake. An article about our ranking recently appeared in USA Today, and the Florence Chamber of Com- merce has been fl ooded with calls from news agen- cies wanting to know how it feels to be in the nation- al spotlight, and if, due to the publicity, we expect Kanye West anytime soon. The truth is, we Florentines have earned ourselves national attention twice before. The fi rst was in 1970 when, while attempting to dispose of a decomposing whale carcass (by utilizing a well-thought-out plan involving (1) several pints of beer at the Beachcomber Tavern and (2) a truckload of dynamite), several onlookers complained of “be- ing injured” after being struck by a piece of fl ying blubber roughly the size of a Volkswagen Beetle. Then in 1998, just as our tourism slogan “Stop Your Blubbering and Come To Florence” was losing its steam, we were back in the national spotlight after our citywide search for a pet monkey named “Bobo” that was mentioned on the Paul Harvey Show. This led to our next tourism slogan, which I can’t repeat here since, nowadays, petting someone’s “lucky monkey” can mean something entirely different. As you can imagine, being crowned as one of this year’s Magic Kingdoms of retirement is very excit- ing for everyone! Except, of course, for those of us who (1) actu- ally live here and (2) are not retired. That’s because we Florentines must now live up to a national image that, for the fi rst time, doesn’t include a crisis involv- ing some type of mammal. We once had the comfort of knowing that fl ying blubber, while helping boost tourism, isn’t an amenity most people look for in a retirement community. That has all changed. People now know we have a performing arts center, library, hospital, restaurants and, perhaps most importantly, a large supply of healthy sea mammals. This has led to an unprecedented number of visi- tors, many of whom have already made arrangements to have their Lay-Z-Boy drop-shipped by the end of the week. It’s not that we don’t welcome the boost to our local economy; we just want to make it to the store without being struck by a Ryder truck. So, to that end, we’d like to make two things clear in order to keep the situation under control. #1: Running past a house and throwing a wad of cash in the yard does not constitute a purchase agree- ment. #2: It’s NOT okay to keep circling the city in your moving truck until someone moves out. As a community, we realize the impact national exposure will have on our small town. Which is why, as a community, we’re not above blowing up another dead whale or launching a mon- key attack in order to keep things from getting out of hand. Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com July 9 - August 29, 2015 (ŇàřĹòÊĊĊ the (ŇàřĹŀŤĹÊĹŇ»ĹĊĹ (ŇàřĹĊķÊĊ (ŇàřĹŅŀÊŅµĹ Before movie, enjoy a gourmet FAST TIMES AT THE GREASE THE burger & RIDGEMONT craft HIGH beer in our Lounge, HANGOVER KARATE KID only $12! {R} AGES 18 AND OVER ONLY Zach Galifianakis & Bradley Cooper {R} AGES 18 AND OVER ONLY Sean Penn & Jennifer Jason Leigh {PG-13} John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John {PG} Ralph Macchio & Pat Morita Ň»ĹķÊ JAWS Ň»ĹĊŀÊĊµ TOP GUN Ň»ĹŅŤÊŅŅĹ THE PRINCESS BRIDE Ň»ĹŅĶÊŅòĹ THE SANDLOT {PG} Roy Scheider & Richard Dreyfuss {PG} Tom Cruise & Tim Robbins {PG} Cary Elwes & Mandy Patinkin {PG} Tom Guiry & Mike Vitar ADMISSION CHILDREN 2 & UNDER CHILDREN AGES 3-11 ALL OTHER AGES Village Green Resort 725 Row River Rd. Cottage Grove ĩ $1 00 $3 00 541-942-2491 Visit villagegreenresortandgardens.com for more information
