The news=record., April 21, 1909, Wednesday Edition, Image 3

The Best Spring Medicine
It is as easy to prove that Hood's Sarsaparilla is the best spring medi
cine as it is to say it.
Spring Ailments are blood ailments that is, they arise from an impure
impoverished, devitalized condition of the blood; and Hood's Sarsaparilla
purifies, enriches and revitalizes the blood as no other medicine does.
It is the most effective of all blood medicines.
There is Solid Foundation for this claim, in the more than 40,000 testi
monials of radical and permanent cures by this medicine, received in two
years, this record being unparalleled in medical history.
Hood's Sarsaparilla
Cures all spring humors, all eruptions, clears the complexion, creates an
appetite, aids the digestion, relieves that tired feeling, gives vigor and vim.
Begin taking Hood's Sarsaparilla today. Get it in the usual liquid
form or in chocolated tablets known as Sarsatabs. 100 Doses One Dollar.
A Handicap.
"My mamma's yardstick has three feet,"
Said Willie, cute and cunning.
"I've only two, but I can beat
My mamma s yardstick running.
Judge.
Initiative.
"That stA teaman Is a man of won
derful Initiative."
"Yes," answered Senator Sorghum ;
"there Is no doubt about his Initiative.
He starts things that nobody on earth
ould finish." Washington Star.
Making lp for Lost Time.
Stranger (happening along) What's
all that loud wrangling about in there?
Sexton The ladies, sir, are holding an
I adjourned meeting in the silence room.
Chicago Tribune.
Business Proposition.
"Tour honor," said the convicted beg
gar, "can't you chunge my sentence of
Imprisonment to a flue?"
"Suppose I did," said the judge,
"where would you get the money to
pay It?"
"Oh," replied the c. b., "I could beg
a little every day till I had enough."
CITC St. Vitus' Dunce ana vorvons viieaxns perm"
LI 1 J ntntly owed by Dr. It line's Great Nerve Re
storer. Send for FREE $3.00 trial bottle Bnd treatise.
Dr. B. H. Kline, Ld., 931 Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa.
No Exact Equivalent.
"It would be correct to say, then, that
you are on the water wagon, wouldn't
It?" asked the reporter.
"No," said the distinguisher actor ;
"that hardly expresses it. I have merely
quit drinking coffee and taken to more
wholesome beverages. You might say,
perhaps, that I am on the milk wagon."
At the Night School.
Teacher Who's Wordsworth
Shaggy .Haired Pupil (interrupting)
A dollar apiece? Any living ex-PresI
dent's.
Almost Incapacitated.
A colonel In General Lee's division In
the late Civil War sometimes Indulged
In more apple-jack than was good for
hlin. Passing him one evening, leaning
agninst a tree, the general said : "Good
evening, Colonel. Come over to my
tent for a moment, please." " 'S-s-cuse
aie, g-g-en'ral, s-s-cuse me," replied the
Colonel. "It's 'bout all I can do stay
where I am.'.
Different Strata.
The irresistible high handshake chanced
to meet the immovable low handshake,
Whereuuon they eave each other the
cold shake and passed on.
Not Now.
Mrs. Chuewater Josiah, what is the
'unwritten law?"
Mr. Chugwater There Isn't any.
been written up in all the papers.
told you that before.
It's
I've
Whr They Don't.
Would some oracle might utter,
Giving me the reason why
Maidens in a constant Sutter
Never fly 1
Indianapolis News.
Fame.
-So you play base ball,
Has your ball club got
Mothers will find Mrs. WInslbws Soothing
Byrup the best remedy to use tor their children
Auriug the teething period.
Amply Qualified.
Farmer Houlc Hear ye are goin' to
send you sou to college, Eben?
Farmer Bornkicker Don't' see any
reason why I shouldn't he's too dum
lazy to 'work, has too much hair, and
can yell so's you can hear h,ini 'most
mile. The Circle.
SORE EYES, weak, inflamed, red,
watery and swollen eyes, use PETT-
IT'S EYE SALVE. All druggists or
Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y.
Any Change an Improvement.
Photographer Is that the most pleas
ing expression you can assumi?
Sitter Yes, sir.
Photographer Then, for heaven's, sake.
glare ferociously at me !
Preliminary.
"Mrs. McGoozle, your husband is a sin
gularly gifted man. It's a wonder to me
that he isn't on the lecture platform."
"I think he contemplates taking to that
some day. In fact, he has been lecturing
In a desultory sort of way, just for prac
tice, for the last ten years.
"Why, where, Mrs. McGoozle?"
"At home. I'm the audience."
Sarcasm.
Cleaning the Stage.
"We hope," said the spokesman of
the committee, "to enlist your support
in favor of a clean stage."
"You have It," responded the theat
rical manager, heartily. "Why, almost
every one of my plays opens with a
girl dusting everything In sight"
Philadelphia Ledger.
Restorative
I Recipe for Men
This will prove a welcome bit of Information
for all those who are overworked, ftloomy, d
spondent, nervous, and have trembling; limbs.
heart Dalnttation. dizziness, cold extremeties, in
somnia, fear without cause, timidity in venturing
and zeneral inability to act naturally and ration
ally as others do, because the treatment can be
prepared secretly at home and i aken without any
one's knowledge.
If the reader decides to trv It. s-et three ounces
of ordinary syrup sarsaparilla compound and one
ounce compound fluid balmwort; mix, and let
land two hours: then aet one ounce compound
essence cardiol and one ounce tincture cadomene
compound (not catdamoml;. mix all together,
shake well and take a tea-spoonful after each
meal and, one when retiring.
' ' ' Inside History.
Indignant Wife What's the use of my
saying anything to yoji, ,Jolin? It goes
In at one-ear and out at "the other!
Provoking Hudmnd Not -always, Ma
ria. When you say anything worth mind
ing I stop it on the way through.
Lemon from the Past.
Robin Hood had just handed back half
the contents of the slender purse he had
taken from the plainly dressed traveler.
'If you were a rich man," he said, "I'd
soak you for the whole of it, but I'm no
hog; I exact only what I think the traffic
will bear."
For Hobin Hood, with all his faults,
lived faithfully up to his idea of what a
graduated income tax ought to be.
Uncle Hiram-
do you, Dickey?
a name?
B'ive-Year-Old Has it got a name !
Gee ! You've heard of the Uag Alley
Yannigans. haven't you, uncle? Well, I'm
their reg'lar shortstop. We're goin' to
whale the everlastin' stuflin out o the
Buintonn Rillygoats next Saturday !
Chicago Tribune.
The Qunllflcadons.
"I want somebody to report a wo
man's congress," saiq uie managing
editor.
"Some one well versed in parliamen
tary 'language, I presume?"
"Nope. Some one who understands
such terms as passementerie, aigrette
and the like." Kansas City Journal.
ALCOHOL 3 PER CENT.
AVegelabkPrcparaiionforAs
similalingthcFoodanilRcgula ling lite Siomachs andDowdsof
Promolcs DicstionJCketful-ncssandRest.Cont3lnsneilber
Opumi-Morphuie nor Mineral
NOT NARCOTIC.
Pumpkin Sttd
jUx-Smna
ftenmnint- ,
llilivkmtiStil
Warm Strd
CnnTml Slapr
hnitifetii lltmr.
AnerfectRemedv for Consflpa-
Hon , Sour Storaach.Dtarrhoca
Worms ,ConvuIsions.revEnsn
ness andLOSSOTsLEEP.
Facsimile Sijnaturc of
NEW YORK.
The Kind You Have Always Bought, and which has been
in use for over SO years. lias borne the slgrnatnro of
and has been made wider his per-
fflji jf , Sonal supervision since its Infancy.
4-CC4CAdA- AllnvB- in nnn tn dornSvn von in f ills.
All Counterfeits, Imitations and " Jnst-as-g;ood" are but
Experiments that trifle w ith and endanger the health of
Infants and Children Experience - against Experiment.
What is CASTORIA
Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic
substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms
and allays Fevcrishncss. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the
Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep.
The Children's Panacea The Mother's Friend.
CENUSNE CASTORIA ALWAYS
Scars the Signature of
Exact Copy of Wrapper.
The KM You Have Always Bought
In Use For Over 30 Years
THC CENTAUR OOMMNV, TT MURRAY TRCCT. HtW VORRCJT
For Catarrh of the Throat of Two
Years' Standing.
I was afflicted for two years with
catarrh of the throat. At first it was
Getting it Might.
They asked him if his name was Tahft,
And merrily the hig man laughed.
"Why, no," he Bnid; "my name is Taft,
Which, as you will find by consulting the very 8ight, but every cold I took made
various dictionaries ana
particular attention to the marks
indicating the correct pronuncia
tion of the words therein.
Almost, if not quite, rhymes with 'raft.' "
Chicaeo Tribune.
Uncle Jerry.
"As a general thing," observed Uncle
Jerry Peebles, "I believe in lettin' wom
en have whatever they want; but when
I see one of 'em goin' around with a
spring hat on her head that looke like
an old-fashioned beehive that's , been
tarred and feathered and then struck by
lightning, I begin to wonder, by George,
if it would be safe to trust her with the
ballot !" Chicago Tribune.
this man has made say nine ascensionB
says, "Uh, I'll willingly go." If we
had government regulation, where
men skilled in aircraft should make the
examinations as to whether or not the
applicant was fitted to be a pilot, this
obvious danger would be dispensed
with.
The popular idea is that all one has
to do to make an ascension is to jump
into the balloon car, cut loose and when
one is ready to ascend throw overboard
the sand ballast. As a matter of fact
that much is not even the alphabet of
air riding.
When I heard that this experimenter
it worse.
'I followed your directions and In a wa8 to make the trip with that number
very short time I began to improve. I of passengers and with so small an
took one bottle and am now taking amount of ballast in my old "Ameri
mv second. I can safelv sav that my ca," I predicted failure. He should
throat and head -are cleared from ca- be thankful that the escape was so suc-
" Waited.
"So you want to earn enough fo buy
you a dinner, eh?" 4 - ; .:
"Yes, boss."
"I wish you had come around here
half an hour ago."
"I did, boss.';
"Well, there was a ton of coal to
be carried hi then; why didn't you
knock?"
"1 seen de coal." Houston .Post ,
: ( 1 "
To Enjojf
t "tj;f
the full confidence of the Well-lnfoimed
of the World and the Commendation of
the most eminent physicians it was essen
tial that the component parts of Syrup
of Figs and Elixir of Senna should be
known to and approved by them; there'
fore, the California Fig Syrup Co. pub
lishes a full statement with every package
The perfect purity and uniformity of pro
duet, which they demand in a laxative
remedy of an ethical character, are assured
by the Company's original method of man'
ufacture known to the Company only.
The figs of California are used in the
production of Syrup of Figs and Elixir of
Senna to promote the pleasant taste, but
the medicinal principles are obtained from
plants known to act most beneficially.-
To get its beneficial effects always buy
the genuine manufactured by the Cali
fornia Fig Syrup Co. only, and for sale
by all leading druggists.
The Similarity.
Mrs. Gunner Henry, you would per
sist in calling that last cook a vision.
There was nothing pretty about her.
Mr. Gunner Not at all.
Mrs. Gunner Then why did you call
her a vision?
Mr. Gunner Because visions fade
away. She remained only two days.
Suspicious Circumstance,
The grocer had warranted the maple
sirup to be the real stu-.
"It doesn't taste like any maple sirup
I ever bought," said the customer, who
had just sampled it, "and I Btrongly sus
pect "
"Sir!" said the indignant gracer.
I strongly suspect, in spite of your
guaranty, that it's genuine."
Teleirraph Poles.
Harker Flue automobile, Coggwood,
What do you call it?
C(fKwod Peary.
Harker After the 'arctic explorei,
eh? And why?
Dojawood-rBeenuse It f always mak
ing a dash for ,the pole.
lleveutfe. k ' '
"I'm going to get even with all the
phonograph fiends In our flat,."
"How sor'
"Give, my kids snare drums for
Chrrstiiias."--Dt'trolt Free Press.
tarrh at the present time, but I still
continue to take my usual dose for a
spring tonic, and I find there is noth
ing better."-Mrs. W. Pray, 260
Twelfth St., Brooklyn, N. Y.
Those Lovlngr Friend.
Kan (exhibiting her latest photograph)
Don't you think a three-quarters view
better than a profile?
Fan No, dear; it shows too much of
the face.
More About Him.
Of gardening the city man
Oft little understands,
Yet never fails to raise a crop
Of blisters on his hands.
-Kansas City Times.
And when his M. C. franks to him
A lot of garden seeds,
He plants them and is sure to raise
A splendid crop of weeds.
-Chicago Tribune.
No Limit to His Ability.
"Now here," said the salesman,
cigar I can recommend."
"I know you can, young man," said
the customer. "I tried one of them the
other day on your recommendation. What
I want is a brand you can recommend
without lying."
"11
Arrogance of Wealth.
"What's them apples worth?" asked the
farmer, stopping in front of a fruit
stand.
"In that pile?" said the proprietor of
the stand. "Five cents apiece." '
"So? Well, I guess I'll tat about a
dime's worth."
Thereupon he took two big red applet
out of a capacious pocket in his over
coat and strolled on, placidly munching
one of them. Chicago Tribune. ,
Fuflllinent of Prophecr.
Ilannfbsjl, the' illustrious general, driv
en to despair- Dy lus enemies, naa taxen
poison and bad laid himself down to die.
"'Anyhow, he. said, my name will
live in history."
His foresight was unerring.
Two thousand years later a town in
Missouri was named in bis honor. Chi
cago Tribune.
Her Constitutional Right.
Gladys So you've sent Herbert about
hit business, have you?
Maybelle Yes; but I have since used
the er recall on him. Chicago Tribune.
RIGID LAWS TO GOVERN AERONAUTS.
Leo Stevens, Instructor of U. S
Army Balloon Corps, Advocates
Government License and
Examinations.
cessful. There are some requirements
and some theories controlling the as
cent and descent of balloons just as
fixed as those that govern temperature
or that of gravitation. A certain sized
air ship, with so many cubic feet of
gas naturally can carry only so many
passengers exclusive of its ballast.
There is a nicety in determining just
how many it can carry successfully.
To be specific, a balloon with 80,000
cubic feet of gas should start out with
35 bags of ballast and five passengers.
Equipped in that manner the pilot need
fear no storm, and have no worry. Ha
is just as safe as if he were sitting at
his own fireside. When a storm comes,
by throwing overboard some ballast he
can go above it. . When the storm is
over, by letting out a little gas through
the escape valves he can descend safely
to the earth. When a balloon of this
size, that is 80,000 cubic feet, has
thrown over all its ballast for one rea
son or another, except five bags, it
should drop to earth at once. To do
otherwise is to run a dangerous risk
A law making this necesary would be
a great boon to the art and practice of
ballooning. A bag carrying between
35,000 and 40,000 cubic feet ol gas
and two persons besides the pilot
should drop to earth when the pilot has
expended all the ballast save three
bags. If he does not do so he is risk
ing lives that be should not be allowed
to jeopardize
I am in favor of government regula
tion. At the present time licenses can
be granted to pilots in this country by
the Aero club of America. There are
now 24 men holding these licenses. An
applicant must make 10 successful as
censions before he is granted tne li
cense. These directions have to be
made before he is granted the license,
under the direction of other licensed
pilots, or after the applicant has made
four or five so that he can manage a
balloon, he must keep data of his trips.
This information has to be exact, and
be filed away. For instance, when the
ennlicant droDS back to earth, say on a
man's farm, he has to give tne
thst man's larm. ne nas 10 give uie man a
XJ TCI J U U T sV UlU lit ill vvll V IIIVVU VI'MV I 1 1 J1
.i l ui,...... . it; I name and wnere ne lives, ana wno
W.llr,,'., 1 hio. YiA thia Ihonro mUllea 01m D8CK WJ WWII. luio ID DO
for some time, but the experience of a that at any future time the authorities
,oin Pn ifnrnia nprnnniit a four riiiv may oauuiy uieniBc.Yo .r
aro in the Sierra Madre mountains has was really made and that it was a sue
hrnnrht the need home to me more cessful one in every way.
Tha Winter of Ilia Discontent.
"What's the matter? Areu t your
nlctures a success?"
"No."
"But the papers say they are full
of warmth." .
"That's it; they are all Arctic
scenes." Houston Post.
Conclselr Stated.
Mrs. Ferguson George, what are the
seven deadly sins?
Mr. Ferguson Being a candidate for
any office.
OAPLEK3E 1
A flsTorina; nted the ssme as Iraoa or vsnflls.
Br dissolving arsnalstrd sussr in wster and
addtnft Mspleine. a delirious tyTupisrosaesna
I srnip better than msple. Hspleioe is sou or
grocers, u not send J- lor os. oonie sna
tenpe book. Crsscs Mf. Co Seattle, Wa.
strongly than ever. The government
regulations should consist of licenses
for balloon pilots, and laws within
which the pilots should have to confine
themselves.
While I do not wish to reflect on this
aeronaut, I do wish to point out that
ha is only a case in point. Some peo
ple can never become successful balloon
men any more than all men can become
successes as artuts or deep sea divers.
It's a part of a man's makeup. There
are some men who can make 20 ascen
sions and still be no better equipped as
pilots than if they were going up for
the second time. A person who is not
killed in aeronautics, knowing that
a great many reckless people to have
the experience of seeing the earth slip
out from under them. Here is where
the trouble comes. I will not say that
it is not right for a man to go up is a
IsmllooB bv himself. I think that is
France has a very creditable method
of licensing its balloon men. The li
censes are not governmental, though
Each pilot, who is going to make an
ascent, carries in his pocket a little
book with his number and his photo
graph in it. If any one questions his
identity or his ability as a navigator
he limDlv shows the book with his
Dhoto behind the isenglass.
I am in favor or government licens
ing and government regulations, rather
than that of state jurisdiction. In this
way the laws would be uniform, and
all the air sailers of something near
equal ability. An applicant would not
have to eo to Washington to make an
ascent by any means. He may make
the trip at any place under the guid
ance of an accredited pilot.
Ballooning is becoming more and
mora Donular. It is now more than a
eras. Its possibilities ar attracting
more a matter of ethics. A person
may walk on a railroad where there is
a third rail. He does it knowing that
he is taking his life in his hands, but
when he persuades other people to go'
along with him, he risks their lives
without enough experience to get them
out of danger should anything happen.
When five people go up in a balloon in
addition to the pilot, the unskilled
pilot is risking five lives in addition to
his own.
Throwing overboard ballast is a sci
ence. Ballast is to a balloon what
steam is to an engine. And just as
steam once gone can never be recover
ed, just so ballast thrown overboard is
lost. One man can get along, make a
whole trip without losing more than
five bags Vf ballast while another
spends twenty. The latter spends all
his time in traveling up and down,
making saw teeth, while the other sails
along in a comparatively straight line.
The pilot who is out with the beginner
makes careful notes and gives a full
report to the members of the Aero
club. He takes into consideration just
how much fluctuating the learner does.
He assists the new man, but watches
him carefully to find out how much grip
he has on the science. )
The dilettante in search of new sen
sation is as dangerous as an automobil-
lst with the speed mania. I hesitate
to make a trip with a beginner who
says the danger is nothing, with the
man who says "Oh, I m not afraid.
I've got the nerve." As a matter of
fact when good sense is used, there is
no more danger than there is in an au
tomobile trip. But there is much po
tential danger. I am willing to make
the trip with a beginner who says:
"Now I'm new at this, and want you
to take the rudder. I don t know it
all."
Another thing, balloons and all air
crafts will soon be equipped with wire
less telephone. An air craft in dis
tress can send a C. Q. D. messuge to
earth just like a vessel at sea. It.
Bhould be compulsory that equipment
for communications with the earth or
airships be installed. A balloon in
trouble would simply telephone its lo
cation or general direction and rescue
balloons or automobiles could be sent
to the rescue.
The U. S. army corps with which I
have been connected has successfully
experimented with a DeForest instru
ment, weighing less than 100 pounds.
However, there is a new sparkless and
wireless telephone of the radio variety
which weighs only 10 pounds and which
any balloonist can safely carry. The
radio sparkless attachment does away
with the danger of setting the gas bag
on fire. The weight of the telephone
is so small that when the balloon lands
out in the country the operator can put
it under his arm and take it with him.
An old fashioned wireless telegraph is
impractical for the reason that it makes
a spark that may ignite the gas bag,
Ballooning has advanced so far now
that it is no longer experimental, but
is a science. The throwing out of bal
last is a science. It takes a long time
to learn to handle a balloon properly
Why, in the fitness of things, should a
beginner, one who has nothing to urge
him on except curiosity and daredevil
try, be allowed to risk other lives?
I think the license to beginners
should be made reasonably hard to ob
tain. And further, the laws regulat
ing the ballooning should be severe.
Ballooning is a matter of public con
cern, and when licenses are first issued
I hope that they will not be given so
promiscuously as licenses were given
at first to auto drivers.
Letting an outsider take up a bal
loon is exactly like running a railroad
engine. A railroad train is half way
between stations when its engineer
dies. The train is stopped. Some
body asks, "Can anybody here run an
engine?" A young man steps up and
says: "Yes, I can." He takes the
engine and may draw the train ten
miles without an accident and he may
get it safely into the station. But is
he a worthy engineer? No. On the
following day this same young man
might wreck the train before he got
out of the switch yards.
C0FFEE(
TEA SPICES
B Art I NO POWDER
EXTRACTS
JUST RIGHT
CLOSSET&DEVERS
PORTLAND. ORE.
WE HAVE INQUIRIES
For Farms in the Northwest
from people who are on the way
from the Fast and Middle West
and can place you in touch with
buyers with money.
I et us hear what you have for sale
ATLAS LAND COMPANY
420 Lumber Exchange Building
PORTLAND OREGON
5 -AW. 'Ui !
The cleanest.ltohtcst
ana most comiortauie
POMMEL
SLICKER
At the same time
cheapest In the
end because it
wears longest
359 Everywhere
Every garment,
guaranteed
waterproof Catalog Iree
i n 'it.
UK II. l
(hi &
mm
V v -
FNU
No. 17-09
WHKK writing to ail vartisara plaaaa
i!iniln this paptr.
PINCTRATCI
Crescent 88
BAKING POWULR
K ILL DO AIL
THAT ANT
HKJIrUttD
ronuu vux
Q DO AID
Do'.Turra
A FULL POUND 25c
Get It from
your Grocer