Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1876-1883 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 11, 1877)
CV o Fun and Sentiment. It is not impolite to eat the corn off the cob, but it is impolite to watch any one else doing it. Phila. Press. From a boy's composition on hens : "I cut my Uncle "William's hen's head off with a hatcber, and it scared her to death." Where one -woman scans the horizon for signs of the dawn of a brighter era, ten are scouting among their neighbors trying to borrow saleratus. 4PA. Philadelphia dancing master is about introducing a new dance expressly for fat people. All the performers have to do is to sit on the floor and kick. UI should have no objections to my wife's reigning," said an affectionate hus band, "if it were not for the fact that when she reigns she is apt to storm also." In Cincinnati, almost every portion of the hog is put to some valuable use. A distinguished philosopher of that city is now trying some method of turning the sequel to some account. "Mamma," asked a precious youngster at a tea-table the other evening, after a long and yearning gaze toward a plate of doughnuts, "do you think I could stand another of those fried holes?'' "How is it that you have never kindled a flame in any man's heart?" asked a rich lady of her portionless niece. "I suppose, aunt, it is because I'm not a good match," meekly replied the poor niece. Two men in New York were overheard discussing the strike. Said one : "But don't the Bible say, 'Strike till the last armed foe expires?' " "That's a fact," said the other; "I didn't think of that." Sir Boyle Roche thus accounted for the prosperity of the Dublin fishmengers: They "went down to Ringsend when the boat came in, bought the fish for half nothing, and sold them for twice as much 1" At the Art Gallery. Lady (with catalogue) "No. 53, 'Eve Tempted.'" Gentleman (desirous to know the paint er's name) "Who by?" Lady (shocked at his ignorance) "Why, by the devil, of course." "Daddy, I want to ask you a ques tion." "Well, my son." "Why is neighbor Smith's liquor shop like a counterfeit dollar?" "I can't tell, my son." "Because you can't pass it," said the boy. "Never do anything you would not like to see others do," remarks . the N4ew York Herald. Well, now, that's the worst yet. If we wanted to marry a girl, for instance, we wouldn't like to see some other fellow marry her. Oil City Call. Little Emma, from Washington, was sent on a visit to her cousin, who was an 'officer at Fort Monroe. She became homesick at last, and said, "Cousin A , please put a postage-stamp on my forehead, and send me home in the cars." A Roman who recently returned from Philadelphia, informs us that a Keeley motor consists of a pound of boarding-house-butter shut up in an iron box. This statement will do much to restore confidence in the power of the motor. Rome Sentinel. An excellent man up town who re buked a youthful friend for devoting too much of his life to horses, was so over come when the other replied that life was but a span that he was obliged to go home and lie down and take a little rhu barb out of a decanter. Mrs. Juggins lost one of her lodgers lately. He went off suddenly, on urgent private affairs, and forgot to settle his little account. "Ah," says the old lady, "when 'e come 'ere, 'e called 'isself a capting; but I've discovered to my cost that 'e's only a left tenant." A father said of his boy, who had neglected his studies and become con spicuous as a "ladies" man "he's got all girled tip." The Springfield Republican thinks this is a remarkably happy and pregnant phrase, as descriptive of the vealy period of youth. We suppose it wouldn't do to say of girls at a similar stage that they are all boyed up! A Bangor (Me.) man attended a camp meeting, and on his return was telling of the good time he enjoyed. A serious faced man asked, "Were there any con verts?" He stopped a moment, and said : "Well, I forgot to ask. But the baked beans "were bully, and the sailing and row ing were divine, and 'there were some of the handsomest girls there that I ever saw." "Make me a nice easy coat,3'' said a noted pulpit orator of Chicago to his tailor one day lately "one that's loose and rocmy enough for me to stretch up in -and grow- eloquent over, you know." "Yes, I understand,"" said the tailor, with a twinkle in his eye: "you want me to make one gesture size?" "That's it, ex actlyj" exclaimed the divine, as he laughed at the, tailor's merry pun ; "one that-I can jest swing myself in." "Tim, this won't de: you must take warning by the fate of your friend O'Shaughnessy. Only three nights ago he came home much soberer than you, are, but in attempting to blow out a can dle his breath took fire and he exploded blew up so that his friends in three days have not been able to scrape enough of him'together to hold a wake over." "An' do ye mane to tell me that he bust up?" said Tim. "Indeed I do, upon my hon or," replied the doctor. "Biddy," said Tim, "get me the Bible." Biddy got the Bible, and then Tim knelt down and said : "I swear by the blissid Vargin ye sure, doctor, that he blew up?" "Quite sure," replied the doctor. "Then," re plied Tim, "I swear by the blissid Var gin an' theIost High, niver to blow out a candle while I'm drunk again." Wasters of Time. The world is full of useless people mere idlers, who are of no practical use in the world. Eating and drinking and sleeping constitute their chief employ ment. With this provender made sure they are quite satisfied. Habits of in dustry they have not, and, moreover, it is no part of their plan to do anything that is of practical value. They occa sionally make a pretense of being busy by devoting themselves to hunting, fish ing or card-playing. This gives them what they call a good time. Animal selfishness is the supreme law of their whole being. Woman, in her way gen erally more delicate and less offensive, is sometimes amenable to the same charge. There are some good-for-nothing women as well as men too many of them for the credit of the sex, with lives practically as useless as they are aimless. They can manipulate the little punctilios of what .they regard as fashionable life. They know how to spend money. jSTo one can beat them in using an opera-glass or in laying plans for empty and profitless amusement. In the matter of mere show they are finished exjerts. And there their usefulness if usefulness it may be called ends. They are feminine idlers, taxing the world for their subsistence, but returning nothing to it. Esiimate all such persons, of both sexes, at their true valuation, we do them no injustice in saying that they are not really worth the garment they wear or the bread it takes to feed them. Existence thus conducted is a gross imposition upon humanity. By the death of such people the world loses nothing, since it has fewer paupers to sup port. A Romance of the Rebellion. At the battles of Antietam and South Moun tain a colonel was wounded his arm fearfully shattered and he was borne from the field by his brothers and a pri vate soldier. They carried him across the country, a long and toilsome distance, every step of which was torture to the sufferer, to the house of a Maryland Union farmer. Then came the ubiqui tous Yankee surgeon with his glittering knives and cruel saws, and made hasty preparations to amputate the ailing mem ber. The farmer vehemently protested, declaring that the man would die if the arm was cut off. The surgeon insisted that the patient would die if the arm was not taken off, and the colonel's brotnera coincided witn tne surgeon. But the determined old farmer dispatched his son on hjs fleetest horse across the fields to the other side of the mountain, after his friend and neighbor, a country physician, and a rank rebel. When the rustic Esculapius arrived there ensued a long contention with the Yankee hewer of bones over the sufferer, but the result was that the arm was saved, and, after some weeks of careful nursing, the col onel galloped off to join his regiment, a comparatively sound man. He subse quently became Governor of Ohio, and now fills the Presidential chair. iV". Y. Tribune. A Singular Result of Emancipa tion. Strange as it may seem, the eman cipation of the Turks in Russia has in creased the number of wolves in that country. The serfs used to act as their masters' drivers in the great wolf-hunts, which formed a national pastime; but since the liberation, the wolf-hunt has become unpopular, and consequently wolves are having a better time of it. Thus, M. Lazarewski, in a pamphlet published by the Russian Ministerial printing office, estimates the number of wolves in European Russia alone at 200, 000 and shows that while the average annu al loss of human livesin the years 1849-51 was only 12a, the number of victims in 1875 was no less than 1G1. The loss in domestic animals is valued at $12,500, 000 annually, and that in wild animals at about 42,000,000. Areie York Eten- ing Post. Of twenty-three young men who only last month stepped across the threshold of life from an Eastern college, and went forth upon the trackless ocean of life to battle with relentless fate and win re nown or a glorious death in the arena, eleven are clerking in auction stores at fourteen dollars a month, one is running a fish-boat, two arc learning the house painting trade, one starved to death be fore he had been out of college a week, one is driving a team on a street contract, two are tramps, and the others are living with their widowed mothers, who are their only support. Fact is, brethren, when old life grapples its hooks into a man's collar, it shakes all the arena and ocean and battle business out of him so quick that in six weeks, if he is alive, he knows more in a minute about the price of pork and flour than he can tell you about a Greek root in six montli3. Bur lington Hawfoyc. The war in the East has doubled the price of canary bird seed. Asiatic Turkey supplies large quantities of this bird prov ender, but, since that territory has be come.the theatre of the war, the supply has been cut off. The import of the seeds amounts to about four hundred tons per'annum. The little warblers will have to change their diet until the Eastern question is settled. A Question. An advocate of the dig nity of labor struck work, laid idle a week, receiving no pay, run in debt for his food at famine prices,- and so soon as he had dug a bullet out of his leg and was able to limy around, went back to work and found that his place had been given to another man. Wanted : to know what that man made? It is providential that the high prices of cigars and gin prevent young men from marrying. Rome Senfinel. First Things. Envelopes were first used in 1838. The first steel pen was made in 1830. The first airpump was made in 1650. Anaesthesia was first discovered in 1844. The first balloon ascent was made in 17S3. The first lucifer match was made in 1820. The first iron steamship was built in 1837. The entire Hebrew Bible was printed in 148S. Ships were first "copper bottomed" in 1830. Coaches were first used in England in 15G9. . The first horse railroad was built in 182G-27. Gold was first discovered in California in 1848. The first watches were made at iSTureni burg in 1477. Omnibusses were introduced in Kew York in 1830. The first newspaper advertisement ap peared in 1G52. The first copper cent was coined in New Haven in 1G87. Kerosene was first used for lighting purposes in 182G. The first telescope was probably used in England in 1G08. The first saw-maker's anvil was brought to America in 1819. The first use of locomotive in this coun try was in 1829. The first almanac was printed by George Von Purbach in 1460. The first chimneys were introduced into Rome from Padua in 13G8. The first printing press in the United States was introduced in 1629. The first steam engine on this continent was brought from England in 1753. Glass windows were first introduced into Euglaud in the eight century. The first complete sewing machine was patented by Elias Howe, Jr., in 1846. Ex. There are some 700 carpet-making establishments in the Uuited States which, in prosperous times, furnish em ployment to between 150,000 and 200, 000 operatives, men, women and chil dren. Thirteen million dollars invest ed in the business, which includes build ing and machinery, while $4,700,000 is expended yearly for wages. The annual production is valued at between 22,000,- 000 and $24,000,000. Philadelphia rep resents three-fourths of the business, and the other fourth i-3 divided up in differ ent manufacturing cities of New Eng land, the two most prominently connect ed "with carpet manufacturing being Hartford, Conn., and Lowell, Mass. Misguided Clemency. We are sorry to see that President Hayes has thought proper to pardon a counterfeiter. Coun terfeiting is a crime of the most deliber ate character, indicating a settled de pravity of mind and a disposition to cheat every one. Moreover, those most likely to suffer from it arc the poor and ignor ant who handle but little money, and are consequently unable to distinguish be tween the spurious and the genuine. It is a crime secretly perpetrated, and of ten carried on successfully and without detection by the same person for years. "When a counterfeiter is convicted it is better that he should be made to serve out his full term. IT. Y. Ledger. A square mile, G40 acres. UU AT a Little Girl can Jlak icith Wood Splints," linAl -10 different patterns, size 10x15, two sheets. 12 cents, postpaid; SO centa per doz; yi.00 per 100. J. JA- COULD, 16 Bromucld street, Bocton, Mats, FOR SALE ! AFAKMj X MILES i ItOM THL ClTr OF APA. Cal. lOnialUS 1V acrCS lUU acres riCIl UOUOUl lnnd, the remainder vineyard land; -SO acres Of bear- J1IK tines; uiikirBiii iiuit; ,.vno, i iiuiu ui iiuiou, carriages, harnesses, farming tools; fine house of 10 rooms, furnished ; extentlve outbuilding, etc., etc. The above will be offered very low. and on reasonable terms for 30 d.iys. For further information, apply to .1. VAN DUSEX. 83 Kcarn Ftreet. San Francisco. JI. N. COOK, Manufacturer of Oak Tanned Itpatltor Beltlnsr and Hone, 415 Market St., San Francisco. Satisfaction Guaran teed. The Finest Lacing in Cut Strings or Sides always on Hand. Mall, Express and Bullion Bags. EySend for Price JLInt. $150,000 An Investment of one dollar often secures a com petency for life. Full particulars sent free. Address imoAVX !fc CO.. CalalM. 3Iain. "PACIFIC ELASTIC TRUSS." Q O-TSVO DOLLARS "WILL BUY J this new invention, which Is GUARANTEED SUPERIOR to any Tru-s sold by the so-called Califor nia Elastic Truss Co.. or jioxey he fl'xded. Pacific Elastic Truss Company, G27 Sacramento street, San Francisco. STAR SPKING BED THE BEST IN USE. EVERYBODY BUYS IT. jesd for Circulars to C. B. & E. ELTNXJKIiEY, 149 New Montgomerv St., S. F. N. CURRY & BRO. 113 Sansome Street, San Francisco, Importers and Dealers in every descrip tion of ISreccli and Muzzle-Loading RIFLES, SHOT-GUMS AND PISTOLS AGENTS WANTJED! TO SOLICIT PICTURES -FOB- Copying, Enlarging and Retouching. J3BThe best work and highest commissions given on this coast. Address COPYIS,"Koom 71, So. 120 Sutter Street. San Francisco. Iffi IDVLlr'Jb-g.O V hi D Hand Fire Engine -AXD- HOSE CART COMBINED, ("10XSTRUCTED TO MEET THE REQUIREMENTS J of towns ami vlll ccs, and isolated manufactories. Two men can readily draw it over all common grades, Uiejentire Equipment weighing only 710 pounds; the IIohc Heel luiviiisr n capacity for COO feet of IK inch Hose. The following r suits were obtained at a trial: 4 men on brnkea.threw 97ft horlzont'ly...W ftperp'ly 8 120 " ...85 12 " " " " U3 ' ...93 Sixty full strokes discharge 43 gallons, and it is cap able of being worked from 120 to 150 strokes per min ute. THE MACHINE, ySS2SSS55i$350.00 EtT'or further Information, address W. A. LAWSON, Santa Cruz, Cal., Sole Agent for the l&clflc Count. DR. L. J. CZAPKAY'S Medical Institute, 209 KEARNY ST., San Francisco. ESTABLISHED IN 1551. I70R THE PERMANENT CURE OF ALL SPECTAL and Chronic Diseases, as alM all Female Com plaints and Diseases of the Nervous System. The immense destruction of human life annually, from Chronic and Dilllcult Dlseas, caused this old and reliable Institute to be established first in Phila delphia, Penn., in 1S50, and afterwards in S.m Fran cisco, Cal., in 1851, as a private Dispensary, in order to afford the afflicted the best Medical and Surgical treatment, for the above and all other affection' and complaints. Permanent and quick cures at reasona ble charges. Consultations at the Institute or by letter free. Medlc'nes sent by express. Address, L. J. Czapkay, M. D.. ZOO Kearny street San Francisco. AGENTS WANTED ! FOR PARTICULARS, ADDRESS WILSON SEWING MACHINE CO S29 "Kroaclvrny. TVcii- Yorlt City; Chicago, III.; iv Orleans. La.; or San .FmnciMCo, Cal. A NEW FOR $5. WITH - Q- "m "SAvSA r- I nCO d rii(? 7 I jgKBee?8SJ i r- riSHBIi3BEgK -' THIS TS THE BIGGEST 33 JLTtG-JV.HN- WE ETTEIt OTnPJElTZJSJy I The Rifles are all lran new anil 3"' J11 they came front the factory. They cost to manufac ture over f 15 apiece, and ore superior shooters i they are very finely finished, -with case-hardened locks, blued mountings, and nd M handsorae and wcll made riflo cannot be bought in ction. timilar to n. Hallnrrl nr Shnrn. thfpimn!sit.nrwl ht. chaseone of these gun. Such a bargain wdl never be Turner - Ross have offered many inducements to gun buyers, oj; ii is weu worm $:, ana toe know vial tiejirm isverjcctig reiaiote. c nave lurnisneu several nnc ciuds witn mis nnc, ana have received many praises for their shooting qualities. If you have any need of a rifle, cither for use or trade, order at once andsay that you want our New Unina Ktflc, so a not to conflict with former ad vertiscmenU. Kememher that these cruns are bran new, cost the manufacturer over $15 apiece, nnd that we guarantee the vm represented. Where parties wish it we will, as heretofore, send a duplicate express receipt by mail. Cartridges, 30c. o box. Metallic Bheus,0c a box. ' G. W. TURNER U ROSS, 2G Central fatreet, Boston, Mass. Saywhtrepousuwtiis. STEIHA1X JEWELRY COMPANY'S IMPERIAL CASKET SENT FREE! "With our Illustrated Catalogue (cloth bound containing 72 pages of full "ized ensrravintjs of the latest atyles of Jewelry and watches, witn prices Froiecied Ilk OUR IMJPJEItlAJLi On elfrint Roman Gold Ladies heckchaln and Locket. Ono elegant fine Gold Plate Ladles Set (KarriuRS and Pin). Ono elegant pair or floe Gold Plated SleeTe Buttons. Ona elegant pair of fine Gold Plated Ladies Bracelets, adjust .p-jsProiMKd by Letters Patent.'-i- ( S iH flS iL JT vS m W& J All of which we warrant to be exactly as represented in the abore engravings, and to atand tha teat of Solid Gold. Oh receipt of One Dollar, to pay for packing and mailing, oar Imperial casket containing this grand array or elegant jewelry a abore represented, with onr illustrated catalogue, will be BENT FEEE to Bay address. Mail all orders to STEINAU JEWELRY GO. No. 5 Arcade, CINCINNATI, 0. able to any utisu mi iyiericaN Sewing Machine. Three-anarters les- friction titan Any other Machine. IT BEATS THEM ALL1 JSeir-Threart-In r Shuttle J Self-Threart-iiiST Needle) Lightest itujintnxj Stillest ft mining l KimpleKt 1 SThis Machine 1? fast becomms known as the BEST IS THE WORLD! SEE IT! TRY IT! BUY IT ! Warranted to Give Entire Satisfaction. American Sewing Machine Co. G. R. WOOD, Manager, 124 FIFTH STREET, - - - SAN FRANCISCO E37Ooori AsrentM Wanted In all nnoo cnpietl Territory. DR. G-UNN'S Aromatic Elixir BBTTERS. rpiIE GREAT REMEDY FOR CONSTIPATION J- aud a &crc of il's arising from irregular action of the liver. Thrse Bitters are pleasant to the taste and stiouM be used in all caes or IM-spepsin. Constipation. lE;ilacho. IMzt:Iiims, X.ohh of Appetite, Humors ot tliu JSIoou antl riles. .fiSTAsk your Druu't for them and take nothing else. ' A. VAX ALSTIXK & CO. Proprietors nnd Manufacturers. u Ilrenluun Place, abovejhe Plaza, S.n Francisco. AfiEMTQ PEND QWCIv FOR NEW CIRCU Hufill 3 Q lara or The Atlantic Wkeklt. Great changes ; entirely novel announcements; free out lit and certain profit. A. Dl'RKEE & CO.. 112 Monroe Street, Chicago. P.N. P C No. 170. ' 4 Ladles Elegant Imi tation Bose Coral Set, Breastpin and Tiardops, BCdt post paid to any reader cf this paper for 25 cents. Three Bets for GO cents. Imitation CORAL SLEEVB BUTTONS to match 25 cents per ret, or three sots for 50 cents. Elegant Necklaces with Charms, $1 each, Currency or Postage Stamps. Extra In ducements toAgcnts BRIDE Sl CO., Clinton Place. New York. ' This cut represents the celebrated $10.00 SWISS STEM lfHiDIXG WATCIT. It is one-third larger than the engraving, and i3 noted for the PERFECT Mechanism of its Works, and its JIELIAEIZITT as a TIME-KEEPER, being used on the principal railroads -where accurate time is a necessity. It is open face and back, the beautiful nickel works being seen through a heavy glass, specially manufactured,- and being stem -winder it is next to impossible to get out of order. They -will last for years and are the cheapest watch ever offered. Sent -ee by registered mail to insure safe delivery, for $W.OO. Watch and Jewelry Circular free. Postage Stamps taken as cash. Address, P. STOCKtf AN, 27 Bend St., New Yoii, BREECH-LOADING RIFLE ELEVATING SIGHTS GRADUATED UP TO 700 YAH1S, USING EITHER EIXED CARTRIDGES OR RELOADABLE aiETAXIilC SHELLS. Can "be iisecL as a Vluzzle-Ijoader. the United "States for JO. The loading arrangement is a drop Everv mnn and hnv in thUnnnntrv vhn timvTc nriflp shnnlil mir. offered a;rain. The editor of the " Boston Globe " Fays: "Messrs. but their new $5 njle is the most unparalleled bargain ice ever heard ana instructions lloV TO helojik aukists. by Letters Patent. OAJSIEUBT OOIVTAJGS One elegant set or Stads. witn inlaid stones. One elegant fine Gold Plated Collar Button. One elegant fine Gold Plated Seal King, real stone setting. One elegant fine Gold Plated King, engraved "Friendship." One elegant nne uoia natea nam King.