CV
o
Fun and Sentiment.
It is not impolite to eat the corn off
the cob, but it is impolite to watch any
one else doing it. Phila. Press.
From a boy's composition on hens : "I
cut my Uncle "William's hen's head off
with a hatcber, and it scared her to
death."
Where one -woman scans the horizon
for signs of the dawn of a brighter era,
ten are scouting among their neighbors
trying to borrow saleratus.
4PA. Philadelphia dancing master is
about introducing a new dance expressly
for fat people. All the performers have
to do is to sit on the floor and kick.
UI should have no objections to my
wife's reigning," said an affectionate hus
band, "if it were not for the fact that
when she reigns she is apt to storm also."
In Cincinnati, almost every portion of
the hog is put to some valuable use. A
distinguished philosopher of that city is
now trying some method of turning the
sequel to some account.
"Mamma," asked a precious youngster
at a tea-table the other evening, after a
long and yearning gaze toward a plate of
doughnuts, "do you think I could stand
another of those fried holes?''
"How is it that you have never kindled
a flame in any man's heart?" asked a rich
lady of her portionless niece. "I suppose,
aunt, it is because I'm not a good match,"
meekly replied the poor niece.
Two men in New York were overheard
discussing the strike. Said one : "But
don't the Bible say, 'Strike till the last
armed foe expires?' " "That's a fact,"
said the other; "I didn't think of that."
Sir Boyle Roche thus accounted for
the prosperity of the Dublin fishmengers:
They "went down to Ringsend when the
boat came in, bought the fish for half
nothing, and sold them for twice as
much 1"
At the Art Gallery. Lady (with
catalogue) "No. 53, 'Eve Tempted.'"
Gentleman (desirous to know the paint
er's name) "Who by?" Lady (shocked
at his ignorance) "Why, by the devil, of
course."
"Daddy, I want to ask you a ques
tion." "Well, my son." "Why is
neighbor Smith's liquor shop like
a counterfeit dollar?" "I can't tell,
my son." "Because you can't pass it,"
said the boy.
"Never do anything you would not
like to see others do," remarks . the N4ew
York Herald. Well, now, that's the worst
yet. If we wanted to marry a girl, for
instance, we wouldn't like to see some
other fellow marry her. Oil City Call.
Little Emma, from Washington, was
sent on a visit to her cousin, who was an
'officer at Fort Monroe. She became
homesick at last, and said, "Cousin
A , please put a postage-stamp on my
forehead, and send me home in the cars."
A Roman who recently returned from
Philadelphia, informs us that a Keeley
motor consists of a pound of boarding-house-butter
shut up in an iron box.
This statement will do much to restore
confidence in the power of the motor.
Rome Sentinel.
An excellent man up town who re
buked a youthful friend for devoting too
much of his life to horses, was so over
come when the other replied that life
was but a span that he was obliged to go
home and lie down and take a little rhu
barb out of a decanter.
Mrs. Juggins lost one of her lodgers
lately. He went off suddenly, on urgent
private affairs, and forgot to settle his
little account. "Ah," says the old lady,
"when 'e come 'ere, 'e called 'isself a
capting; but I've discovered to my cost
that 'e's only a left tenant."
A father said of his boy, who had
neglected his studies and become con
spicuous as a "ladies" man "he's got all
girled tip." The Springfield Republican
thinks this is a remarkably happy and
pregnant phrase, as descriptive of the
vealy period of youth. We suppose it
wouldn't do to say of girls at a similar
stage that they are all boyed up!
A Bangor (Me.) man attended a camp
meeting, and on his return was telling of
the good time he enjoyed. A serious
faced man asked, "Were there any con
verts?" He stopped a moment, and said :
"Well, I forgot to ask. But the baked
beans "were bully, and the sailing and row
ing were divine, and 'there were some of
the handsomest girls there that I ever
saw."
"Make me a nice easy coat,3'' said a
noted pulpit orator of Chicago to his
tailor one day lately "one that's loose
and rocmy enough for me to stretch up
in -and grow- eloquent over, you know."
"Yes, I understand,"" said the tailor, with
a twinkle in his eye: "you want me to
make one gesture size?" "That's it, ex
actlyj" exclaimed the divine, as he
laughed at the, tailor's merry pun ; "one
that-I can jest swing myself in."
"Tim, this won't de: you must take
warning by the fate of your friend
O'Shaughnessy. Only three nights ago
he came home much soberer than you,
are, but in attempting to blow out a can
dle his breath took fire and he exploded
blew up so that his friends in three
days have not been able to scrape enough
of him'together to hold a wake over." "An'
do ye mane to tell me that he bust up?"
said Tim. "Indeed I do, upon my hon
or," replied the doctor. "Biddy," said
Tim, "get me the Bible." Biddy got the
Bible, and then Tim knelt down and
said : "I swear by the blissid Vargin
ye sure, doctor, that he blew up?" "Quite
sure," replied the doctor. "Then," re
plied Tim, "I swear by the blissid Var
gin an' theIost High, niver to blow out
a candle while I'm drunk again."
Wasters of Time.
The world is full of useless people
mere idlers, who are of no practical use in
the world. Eating and drinking and
sleeping constitute their chief employ
ment. With this provender made sure
they are quite satisfied. Habits of in
dustry they have not, and, moreover, it
is no part of their plan to do anything
that is of practical value. They occa
sionally make a pretense of being busy
by devoting themselves to hunting, fish
ing or card-playing. This gives them
what they call a good time. Animal
selfishness is the supreme law of their
whole being. Woman, in her way gen
erally more delicate and less offensive, is
sometimes amenable to the same charge.
There are some good-for-nothing women
as well as men too many of them for the
credit of the sex, with lives practically as
useless as they are aimless. They can
manipulate the little punctilios of what
.they regard as fashionable life. They
know how to spend money. jSTo one can
beat them in using an opera-glass or in
laying plans for empty and profitless
amusement. In the matter of mere show
they are finished exjerts. And there
their usefulness if usefulness it may be
called ends. They are feminine idlers,
taxing the world for their subsistence,
but returning nothing to it. Esiimate all
such persons, of both sexes, at their true
valuation, we do them no injustice in
saying that they are not really worth the
garment they wear or the bread it takes
to feed them. Existence thus conducted
is a gross imposition upon humanity. By
the death of such people the world loses
nothing, since it has fewer paupers to sup
port. A Romance of the Rebellion. At
the battles of Antietam and South Moun
tain a colonel was wounded his arm
fearfully shattered and he was borne
from the field by his brothers and a pri
vate soldier. They carried him across
the country, a long and toilsome distance,
every step of which was torture to the
sufferer, to the house of a Maryland
Union farmer. Then came the ubiqui
tous Yankee surgeon with his glittering
knives and cruel saws, and made hasty
preparations to amputate the ailing mem
ber. The farmer vehemently protested,
declaring that the man would die if the
arm was cut off. The surgeon insisted
that the patient would die if the arm
was not taken off, and the colonel's
brotnera coincided witn tne surgeon.
But the determined old farmer dispatched
his son on hjs fleetest horse across the
fields to the other side of the mountain,
after his friend and neighbor, a country
physician, and a rank rebel. When the
rustic Esculapius arrived there ensued a
long contention with the Yankee hewer
of bones over the sufferer, but the result
was that the arm was saved, and, after
some weeks of careful nursing, the col
onel galloped off to join his regiment, a
comparatively sound man. He subse
quently became Governor of Ohio, and
now fills the Presidential chair. iV". Y.
Tribune.
A Singular Result of Emancipa
tion. Strange as it may seem, the eman
cipation of the Turks in Russia has in
creased the number of wolves in that
country. The serfs used to act as their
masters' drivers in the great wolf-hunts,
which formed a national pastime; but
since the liberation, the wolf-hunt has
become unpopular, and consequently
wolves are having a better time of it.
Thus, M. Lazarewski, in a pamphlet
published by the Russian Ministerial
printing office, estimates the number of
wolves in European Russia alone at 200,
000 and shows that while the average annu
al loss of human livesin the years 1849-51
was only 12a, the number of victims in
1875 was no less than 1G1. The loss in
domestic animals is valued at $12,500,
000 annually, and that in wild animals
at about 42,000,000. Areie York Eten-
ing Post.
Of twenty-three young men who only
last month stepped across the threshold
of life from an Eastern college, and went
forth upon the trackless ocean of life to
battle with relentless fate and win re
nown or a glorious death in the arena,
eleven are clerking in auction stores at
fourteen dollars a month, one is running
a fish-boat, two arc learning the house
painting trade, one starved to death be
fore he had been out of college a week,
one is driving a team on a street contract,
two are tramps, and the others are living
with their widowed mothers, who are
their only support. Fact is, brethren,
when old life grapples its hooks into a
man's collar, it shakes all the arena and
ocean and battle business out of him so
quick that in six weeks, if he is alive, he
knows more in a minute about the price
of pork and flour than he can tell you
about a Greek root in six montli3. Bur
lington Hawfoyc.
The war in the East has doubled the
price of canary bird seed. Asiatic Turkey
supplies large quantities of this bird prov
ender, but, since that territory has be
come.the theatre of the war, the supply
has been cut off. The import of the
seeds amounts to about four hundred tons
per'annum. The little warblers will have
to change their diet until the Eastern
question is settled.
A Question. An advocate of the dig
nity of labor struck work, laid idle a
week, receiving no pay, run in debt for
his food at famine prices,- and so soon as
he had dug a bullet out of his leg and
was able to limy around, went back to
work and found that his place had been
given to another man. Wanted : to know
what that man made?
It is providential that the high prices
of cigars and gin prevent young men
from marrying. Rome Senfinel.
First Things.
Envelopes were first used in 1838.
The first steel pen was made in 1830.
The first airpump was made in 1650.
Anaesthesia was first discovered in 1844.
The first balloon ascent was made in
17S3.
The first lucifer match was made in
1820.
The first iron steamship was built in
1837.
The entire Hebrew Bible was printed
in 148S.
Ships were first "copper bottomed" in
1830.
Coaches were first used in England in
15G9. .
The first horse railroad was built in
182G-27.
Gold was first discovered in California
in 1848.
The first watches were made at iSTureni
burg in 1477.
Omnibusses were introduced in Kew
York in 1830.
The first newspaper advertisement ap
peared in 1G52.
The first copper cent was coined in
New Haven in 1G87.
Kerosene was first used for lighting
purposes in 182G.
The first telescope was probably used
in England in 1G08.
The first saw-maker's anvil was brought
to America in 1819.
The first use of locomotive in this coun
try was in 1829.
The first almanac was printed by
George Von Purbach in 1460.
The first chimneys were introduced
into Rome from Padua in 13G8.
The first printing press in the United
States was introduced in 1629.
The first steam engine on this continent
was brought from England in 1753.
Glass windows were first introduced
into Euglaud in the eight century.
The first complete sewing machine
was patented by Elias Howe, Jr., in 1846.
Ex.
There are some 700 carpet-making
establishments in the Uuited States
which, in prosperous times, furnish em
ployment to between 150,000 and 200,
000 operatives, men, women and chil
dren. Thirteen million dollars invest
ed in the business, which includes build
ing and machinery, while $4,700,000 is
expended yearly for wages. The annual
production is valued at between 22,000,-
000 and $24,000,000. Philadelphia rep
resents three-fourths of the business, and
the other fourth i-3 divided up in differ
ent manufacturing cities of New Eng
land, the two most prominently connect
ed "with carpet manufacturing being
Hartford, Conn., and Lowell, Mass.
Misguided Clemency. We are sorry
to see that President Hayes has thought
proper to pardon a counterfeiter. Coun
terfeiting is a crime of the most deliber
ate character, indicating a settled de
pravity of mind and a disposition to cheat
every one. Moreover, those most likely
to suffer from it arc the poor and ignor
ant who handle but little money, and are
consequently unable to distinguish be
tween the spurious and the genuine. It
is a crime secretly perpetrated, and of
ten carried on successfully and without
detection by the same person for years.
"When a counterfeiter is convicted it is
better that he should be made to serve
out his full term. IT. Y. Ledger.
A square mile, G40 acres.
UU AT a Little Girl can Jlak icith Wood Splints,"
linAl -10 different patterns, size 10x15, two sheets.
12 cents, postpaid; SO centa per doz; yi.00 per 100.
J. JA- COULD, 16 Bromucld street, Bocton, Mats,
FOR SALE !
AFAKMj X MILES i ItOM THL ClTr OF APA.
Cal. lOnialUS 1V acrCS lUU acres riCIl UOUOUl
lnnd, the remainder vineyard land; -SO acres Of bear-
J1IK tines; uiikirBiii iiuit; ,.vno, i iiuiu ui iiuiou,
carriages, harnesses, farming tools; fine house of 10
rooms, furnished ; extentlve outbuilding, etc., etc.
The above will be offered very low. and on reasonable
terms for 30 d.iys. For further information, apply to
.1. VAN DUSEX. 83 Kcarn Ftreet. San Francisco.
JI. N. COOK, Manufacturer of
Oak Tanned Itpatltor Beltlnsr
and Hone, 415 Market St., San
Francisco. Satisfaction Guaran
teed. The Finest Lacing in Cut
Strings or Sides always on Hand.
Mall, Express and Bullion Bags.
EySend for Price JLInt.
$150,000
An Investment of one dollar often secures a com
petency for life. Full particulars sent free. Address
imoAVX !fc CO.. CalalM. 3Iain.
"PACIFIC ELASTIC TRUSS."
Q O-TSVO DOLLARS "WILL BUY
J this new invention, which Is
GUARANTEED SUPERIOR to any
Tru-s sold by the so-called Califor
nia Elastic Truss Co.. or jioxey he
fl'xded. Pacific Elastic Truss
Company, G27 Sacramento street,
San Francisco.
STAR SPKING BED
THE BEST IN USE. EVERYBODY BUYS IT.
jesd for Circulars to
C. B. & E. ELTNXJKIiEY,
149 New Montgomerv St., S. F.
N. CURRY & BRO.
113 Sansome Street, San Francisco,
Importers and Dealers in every descrip
tion of
ISreccli and Muzzle-Loading
RIFLES, SHOT-GUMS AND PISTOLS
AGENTS WANTJED!
TO SOLICIT PICTURES
-FOB-
Copying, Enlarging and Retouching.
J3BThe best work and highest commissions given
on this coast. Address COPYIS,"Koom 71,
So. 120 Sutter Street. San Francisco.
Iffi
IDVLlr'Jb-g.O V hi D
Hand Fire Engine
-AXD-
HOSE CART COMBINED,
("10XSTRUCTED TO MEET THE REQUIREMENTS
J of towns ami vlll ccs, and isolated manufactories.
Two men can readily draw it over all common grades,
Uiejentire Equipment weighing only 710 pounds; the
IIohc Heel luiviiisr n capacity for
COO feet of IK inch Hose.
The following r suits were obtained at a trial:
4 men on brnkea.threw 97ft horlzont'ly...W ftperp'ly
8 120 " ...85
12 " " " " U3 ' ...93
Sixty full strokes discharge 43 gallons, and it is cap
able of being worked from 120 to 150 strokes per min
ute. THE MACHINE, ySS2SSS55i$350.00
EtT'or further Information, address
W. A. LAWSON,
Santa Cruz, Cal., Sole Agent for the
l&clflc Count.
DR. L. J. CZAPKAY'S
Medical Institute,
209 KEARNY ST., San Francisco.
ESTABLISHED IN 1551.
I70R THE PERMANENT CURE OF ALL SPECTAL
and Chronic Diseases, as alM all Female Com
plaints and Diseases of the Nervous System.
The immense destruction of human life annually,
from Chronic and Dilllcult Dlseas, caused this old
and reliable Institute to be established first in Phila
delphia, Penn., in 1S50, and afterwards in S.m Fran
cisco, Cal., in 1851, as a private Dispensary, in order to
afford the afflicted the best Medical and Surgical
treatment, for the above and all other affection' and
complaints. Permanent and quick cures at reasona
ble charges.
Consultations at the Institute or by letter free.
Medlc'nes sent by express. Address, L. J. Czapkay,
M. D.. ZOO Kearny street San Francisco.
AGENTS
WANTED !
FOR PARTICULARS, ADDRESS
WILSON SEWING MACHINE CO
S29 "Kroaclvrny. TVcii- Yorlt City;
Chicago, III.; iv Orleans. La.;
or San .FmnciMCo, Cal.
A NEW
FOR $5.
WITH
- Q- "m "SAvSA r- I
nCO d rii(? 7 I
jgKBee?8SJ i r-
riSHBIi3BEgK -'
THIS TS THE BIGGEST 33 JLTtG-JV.HN- WE ETTEIt OTnPJElTZJSJy I
The Rifles are all lran new anil 3"' J11 they came front the factory. They cost to manufac
ture over f 15 apiece, and ore superior shooters i they are very finely finished, -with case-hardened locks, blued mountings, and
nd M handsorae and wcll made riflo cannot be bought in
ction. timilar to n. Hallnrrl nr Shnrn. thfpimn!sit.nrwl ht.
chaseone of these gun. Such a bargain wdl never be
Turner - Ross have offered many inducements to gun buyers,
oj; ii is weu worm $:, ana toe know vial tiejirm isverjcctig reiaiote. c nave lurnisneu several nnc ciuds witn mis nnc, ana
have received many praises for their shooting qualities. If you have any need of a rifle, cither for use or trade, order at once
andsay that you want our New Unina Ktflc, so a not to conflict with former ad vertiscmenU. Kememher that these
cruns are bran new, cost the manufacturer over $15 apiece, nnd that we guarantee the
vm represented. Where parties wish it we will, as heretofore, send a duplicate express receipt by mail. Cartridges, 30c. o
box. Metallic Bheus,0c a box. ' G. W. TURNER U ROSS, 2G Central fatreet, Boston, Mass. Saywhtrepousuwtiis.
STEIHA1X JEWELRY COMPANY'S
IMPERIAL CASKET SENT FREE!
"With our Illustrated Catalogue (cloth bound containing 72 pages of full "ized ensrravintjs of the latest
atyles of Jewelry and watches, witn prices
Froiecied
Ilk
OUR IMJPJEItlAJLi
On elfrint Roman Gold Ladies heckchaln and Locket.
Ono elegant fine Gold Plate Ladles Set (KarriuRS and Pin).
Ono elegant pair or floe Gold Plated SleeTe Buttons.
Ona elegant pair of fine Gold Plated Ladies Bracelets, adjust
.p-jsProiMKd by Letters Patent.'-i-
( S iH flS iL JT vS m W& J
All of which we warrant to be exactly as represented in the abore engravings, and to atand tha teat of Solid Gold.
Oh receipt of One Dollar, to pay for packing and mailing, oar Imperial casket containing this grand array or elegant jewelry a
abore represented, with onr illustrated catalogue, will be BENT FEEE to Bay address. Mail all orders to
STEINAU JEWELRY GO. No. 5 Arcade, CINCINNATI, 0.
able to any utisu
mi
iyiericaN
Sewing Machine.
Three-anarters les- friction titan Any
other Machine.
IT BEATS THEM ALL1
JSeir-Threart-In
r Shuttle J
Self-Threart-iiiST
Needle)
Lightest
itujintnxj
Stillest
ft mining l
KimpleKt 1
SThis Machine
1? fast becomms
known as the
BEST IS THE WORLD!
SEE IT! TRY IT! BUY IT !
Warranted to Give Entire Satisfaction.
American Sewing Machine Co.
G. R. WOOD, Manager,
124 FIFTH STREET, - - - SAN FRANCISCO
E37Ooori AsrentM Wanted In all nnoo
cnpietl Territory.
DR. G-UNN'S
Aromatic Elixir
BBTTERS.
rpiIE GREAT REMEDY FOR CONSTIPATION
J- aud a &crc of il's arising from irregular action of
the liver. Thrse Bitters are pleasant to the taste
and stiouM be used in all caes or IM-spepsin.
Constipation. lE;ilacho. IMzt:Iiims, X.ohh
of Appetite, Humors ot tliu JSIoou antl
riles.
.fiSTAsk your Druu't for them and take nothing
else. ' A. VAX ALSTIXK & CO.
Proprietors nnd Manufacturers. u Ilrenluun Place,
abovejhe Plaza, S.n Francisco.
AfiEMTQ PEND QWCIv FOR NEW CIRCU
Hufill 3 Q lara or The Atlantic Wkeklt.
Great changes ; entirely novel announcements; free
out lit and certain profit.
A. Dl'RKEE & CO..
112 Monroe Street, Chicago.
P.N. P C
No. 170.
' 4
Ladles Elegant Imi
tation Bose Coral
Set, Breastpin and
Tiardops, BCdt post
paid to any reader
cf this paper for 25
cents. Three Bets for
GO cents. Imitation
CORAL SLEEVB
BUTTONS to
match 25 cents per
ret, or three sots for
50 cents. Elegant
Necklaces with
Charms, $1 each,
Currency or Postage
Stamps. Extra In
ducements toAgcnts
BRIDE Sl CO.,
Clinton Place.
New York. '
This cut represents the celebrated $10.00 SWISS
STEM lfHiDIXG WATCIT. It is one-third larger
than the engraving, and i3 noted for the PERFECT
Mechanism of its Works, and its JIELIAEIZITT
as a TIME-KEEPER, being used on the principal
railroads -where accurate time is a necessity. It is open
face and back, the beautiful nickel works being seen
through a heavy glass, specially manufactured,- and
being stem -winder it is next to impossible to get out
of order. They -will last for years and are the cheapest
watch ever offered. Sent -ee by registered mail to insure
safe delivery, for $W.OO. Watch and Jewelry Circular
free. Postage Stamps taken as cash. Address,
P. STOCKtf AN, 27 Bend St., New Yoii,
BREECH-LOADING RIFLE
ELEVATING SIGHTS GRADUATED UP TO
700 YAH1S, USING EITHER EIXED CARTRIDGES
OR RELOADABLE aiETAXIilC SHELLS.
Can "be iisecL as a Vluzzle-Ijoader.
the United "States for JO. The loading arrangement is a drop
Everv mnn and hnv in thUnnnntrv vhn timvTc nriflp shnnlil mir.
offered a;rain. The editor of the " Boston Globe " Fays: "Messrs.
but their new $5 njle is the most unparalleled bargain ice ever heard
ana instructions lloV TO helojik aukists.
by Letters Patent.
OAJSIEUBT OOIVTAJGS
One elegant set or Stads. witn inlaid stones.
One elegant fine Gold Plated Collar Button.
One elegant fine Gold Plated Seal King, real stone setting.
One elegant fine Gold Plated King, engraved "Friendship."
One elegant nne uoia natea nam King.