The Siuslaw news., September 26, 2018, WEDNESDAY EDITION, Page 9A, Image 9

SIUSLAW NEWS | WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2018 | 9A
SIUSLAW OUTREACH SERVICES
SPEAKING OUT AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
submitted by Judy Schwartz, President, SOS Board of Directors
The month of October has been designated as Domestic
Violence Awareness Month. It’s unfortunate that a month needs
to be set aside to remind us that the issue of family and intimate
partner violence is pervasive and is becoming a major health crisis
in our society. Not only abusers and victims are affected, but
children, families, elders and friends of the victim, who may also
be threatened and abused.
There are complex reasons for domestic violence and here in
our rural community several factors play a significant part: lack of
affordable housing, lack of jobs, homelessness, inability to access
mental health and supportive services and a major uptick in drug
use, particularly the use of methamphetamine and heroin.Stress
itself is correlated with major health issues which have an impact
on healthcare and community systems. Despair and stress can
be triggers for drug abuse and can result in violence as well as
aberrant behavior. Often, victims are drugged by their abusers
to guarantee their compliance.
Many homeless women, already
vulnerable and devalued,
become victims of violence.
There has been an upsurge
in sexual slavery and sexual
trafficking associated with drug
use and addiction. Abusers are
using more sophisticated forms
of harassment and surveillance,
utilizing newer technologies to
monitor phones and computers
thus guaranteeing greater
control over their victims.
How can we as a community
respond? A strong and public
stance needs to be made against
domestic violence. Families are
the most important
social unit in our
communities
and
historically many felt
that family problems
should remain hidden
within the family, not
to be publicly aired.
Many of us are in a
position to speak out,
to strengthen families,
to have zero tolerance
for
any
violent
behavior that we
observe. Our silence
sends a message that
violence in the family
or against individuals
is normal, and that it’s to be expected . Damaged and broken
people and families need our services and support. An important
first step is to acknowledge that domestic violence is an issue
needing our attention. It not only hurts those involved in its
cycle but whole communities as well. During Domestic Violence
Awareness Month let’s begin the conversation and the work needed
so that ultimately healing is possible
It is tbout RESPECT
We have a cultural problem
in the United States… the
decline of civility and devaluing
of human life, in other words…a
lack of respect. As Executive
Director of Siuslaw Outreach
Services and Siuslaw School
District volunteer and coach, I
have noticed over the years we
are losing an understanding of
the word “respect.” I recently
asked a group of young adults
and teens to define the word
respect. There was a puzzled
look on their faces follow by
deafening silence. Finally one
young individual glibly said, “Respect means be nice and don’t
say anything mean or tell someone they are wrong.” Our youth
are being raised less by parents and more by social media and
entertainment. The message being taught to our youth is you can
say or do just about anything you want without consequences. If
there are consequences or repercussion their reaction is often, “you
don’t respect me.” Social media and entertainment is not the sole
cause of this decline. As you look through history, social media and
entertainment is somewhat reflective of what is going on in homes
and schools today. Although it is not necessarily the main cause
for a lack of understanding what respect means, social media and
the entertainment industry often perpetuates and reinforces this
unhealthy view. It is more reflective of a darker cause, that our
youth are being raised in homes where domestic violence or other
forms of abuse is the norm. Youth living in these environments
think this is how everyone else lives. For many of their peers it
is the norm. Like all forms of abuse, it is cyclical. Later in their
adulthood they handle their relationships with the same level of
contempt and treat their significant other as a possession rather
than a partner. Youth who witness domestic violence are six times
more likely to physically abuse their own children.
Some statistics from the US Census Bureau and US Department
of Health to consider;
48% of children born in the United States were born to
unwed mothers and fatherless homes.
46% of all marriages end in divorce. Many are forgoing
marriage altogether out of fear of divorce.
The average length of marriage is 8 years.
75% of those in substance abuse treatment programs wit-
ness or experienced domestic violence.
3 million youth witness domestic violence each year.
62% of males ages 11 to 14 who witness their mother
being abused were injured while trying to protect their
mother.
23% of youth who attempted suicide experienced some
sort of domestic violence.
1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men have reported being a vic-
tim of domestic violence. It is estimated that only half of
the victims report such violence for a variety of reasons.
In some cases they think it is the norm because they
grew up in a home filled with violence.
The decline of the stable home is evident. I wish I could say
these national statistics did not demonstrate what is going on in our
quiet peaceful community but, I can’t. These stats are right in line
with what we are seeing in our own community. In 2017, Siuslaw
Outreach responded to 299 victims of domestic violence and 13
sexual assaults. In some case, it was youth reaching out for help.
All this demonstrates nearly half our youth are being raised
with a false sense of what a healthy and respectful relationship is.
So let us look back at the word “RESPECT.” What does that really
mean? Why is it such a hard word to define and apply to our lives?
I’m reminded of the lyrics of the song by the late Aretha Franklin,
“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.” Respect seems to
mean something different to everyone. For many, respect seems
to mean, “you will agree with me and do what I say” or “you will
admire me” or “let me do what I want when I want.” We also seem
to feel as a society that respect must be earned. Many say, “I have
worked hard so, you will respect me.” Some view respect at a right
because of the position they hold. Thusly, the focus seems to be
on themselves, how they feel and about controlling their situation.
Interestingly, these are the same words and comments that abusers
say to their victims.
I would like to challenge our community to consider
the follow;
First define respect as a verb in the sense of communi-
cating with civility, demonstrating patience, listening
to different points of views and to learn and grow from
those differences, appreciating the responsibilities and
stresses of others particularly those in charge and putting
the needs of others ahead of your own.
Second, to define respect as a noun in the sense that it is
a gift, to be given freely and to be cherished and respon-
sibly cared for by the recipient.
Actively demonstrate and model respect as defined above
in all our relationships. Particularly for our youth.
Recognize abuse. Let others know that a home experi-
encing domestic violence and other forms of abuse that
it is NOT the norm. That they do not have to accept and
live with that. That there are those out there who care
and willing to support them.
Over the past few years domestic violence has been on the rise.
I firmly believe that if we as a community took this approach, so
many of our societal problems, in particular domestic violence,
would be far less prevalent. I ask you, “Are you willing to accept the
above challenge and be part of the solution?”
Bob Teter
SOS Executive Director
No town is immune, reflections on domestic violence
When I was asked if I would contribute an article
about domestic violence I was sure I could easily prepare
something. And as I thought about it, going over my
thirty-three years in law enforcement several ideas came
to mind. I could write about various stories involving
domestic violence that have stayed with me over the years,
and I could relate some of the very personal issues that
I think about almost every day, as a person, a father, a
husband, boss, and most importantly friend.
You learn early in your police career that some of the
most dangerous and most unpredictable calls involve
domestic violence. That’s because it is left only to the
imagination what people can do to each other, physically
and mentally, that would surprise most people…the real
tragedy is it WOULD NOT surprise people who have
been involved, sometimes in the most minor of ways, but
nonetheless they would only really be shocked by your
ignorance.
Police tactics will always tell you that it is very unsafe to try and deal with a violent situation by
yourself. Often it has been referred to as “tombstone courage” by police trainers and coaches. I have
had this drilled into me by the police departments I have worked for, the police academy, and many
of the police survival seminars I have attended. But when it comes right down to it, in the middle of
the night, when you are first officer at the residence of a domestic violence call, your cover officer is
miles away, and you can hear sounds of a very physical altercation, often one-sided, dynamically and
horrendously happening in front of you, often the tactics go out the window.
The main call that comes to mind is waiting outside of a residence, nothing special - ranch house
in the valley, in a normally quiet neighborhood. I could hear lots of yelling and screaming, both
from a man and a woman inside, as I am standing near the front door, waiting for my cover officer
who is only two minutes away. As I’m waiting and trying to look through the window, I start to
hear body impacts against the inside walls. More screaming and yelling inside as I am giving the
updates on my portable radio. The front door is a decorative three panel door, the kind where all
three panels are inset a bit. Suddenly a woman gets forcefully thrown through the door from the
inside and lands on the front porch. I remember seeing the splintered wood and broken door pieces
covering her and the outside porch area. Her husband, we later found out, comes storming out of
the hole in the door to continue his attack on his wife. He had not observed me there and I was able
to easily grab him and get him in handcuffs without any real problem…mostly because he was so
surprised. The story is chilling but the really sad part to me, as a relatively new officer, was that the
wife would only say that she fell down. She never told me she had been injured by her husband in
any way and did not want to press charges. The husband, very intoxicated, claimed he didn’t know
anything about what had happened. Thru the years I’ve seen this same scenario, to a lesser or greater
extent, replay hundreds of times. Often the event is fueled by alcohol use by at least one of the
people involved. Usually the male half of the fight was the aggressor but not always.
My next very memorable call involved, again, the call of a family dispute, this time at a large
apartment complex. I had a cover officer with me this time and a recruit officer in training. The
apartment was quiet when we arrived and ultimately we knocked on the front door. A very small
slender man answered the door, in only a bathing suit, and asked what he could do for us. I noticed
he was wet from head to toe; his feet were so wet he had left foot prints on the floor leading up to the
front door. I advised him that we had been called to a family dispute at this location. When I began
questioning him, I noticed he started slowly swaying back and forth. As he was trying to answer (he
was also very intoxicated) I saw blood dripping from under his chin to the middle of his chest in big
flowing drops. Two of us reached out to hold him up as he began to lose his balance. We assisted
him to sit down on the sidewalk in front of his apartment door at which time we could see that his
throat was slashed from ear to ear and he began to bleed heavily. Upon interviewing witnesses, we
learned that the victim had been swimming with a female in the pool at the apartment complex. The
man’s girlfriend discovered this, went to the pool, grabbed him out of the water, broke a nearby beer
bottle, and slashed his throat. According to the witness she then told the man to go back inside. In
the end he survived and she went to jail. It took five officers to get her arrested and in the car.
So there are two stories…even though I think of them only on occasion, stories just like these,
and often much worse happen everyday…statistically about every minute of every day in the United
States. No town is immune, no matter how quaint. Every one of these incidents should alarm us,
every one…but they just don’t. First responders, police, fire, and ambulance, will tell you they get
a regular diet of family disputes, resulting in domestic violence calls for service almost everyday.
Larger populated areas will have multiple calls per day. The number of people affected by domestic
violence is almost impossible to calculate; the spouse, partner, child, relative, neighbor etc. could be
affected by a full range of possibilities, from intimidation to homicide.
I don’t have any great answers or advice, but domestic violence cannot ever be kept a secret.
Refusing to acknowledge domestic violence is a huge part of the problem. The psychological and
physical issues are very complex, and people who are involved cannot deal with their problems alone.
To try and give advice using phrases like “you should just leave him” or “never let him/her treat you
that way”, doesn’t even scratch the surface.
The police often become the “protectors” who get called in middle of the night, in the middle of
alcohol fueled fights and arguments. When victims just want the chaos to stop, we are the only hope
that some people have to keep them safe. And once th at momentary stability is established, we need
support service organizations such as Florence SOS to assist that person in gaining a better life.
Tom Turner
Chief, Florence Police Department
Siuslaw Outreach Services • 541-997-2816 • 1576 West 12th Street, Florence