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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 2, 2017)
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ SATURDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2017 11 A Men are from NAPA, women are from Macy’s Ned Hickson If you want to observe the difference between men and women at its purest form, study their shopping habits. With the holiday buying sea- son now officially under way, there’s no better time to wit- ness this phenomenon for yourself. Here’s a brief study guide to get you started. Women: a) Define an outfit as something comprised of at least three pieces of clothing, all of which are interchange- able and flattering. b) Have researched the B&G C LUB best buys and know where there’s a sale today. c) Are undecided about whether or not a drop-waist makes them look fat. d) Will try on all clothes within arm’s reach of the fit- ting room. Men: a) Define an outfit as something comprised of jeans. And maybe a fishing lure. b) Have researched today’s game schedule on ESPN and know they can get to the store and back during halftime. c) Are undecided about how to answer when their wives ask if a drop-waist makes them look fat. d) Won’t get within arm’s reach of the fitting room. Obviously, the best time to ANNUAL Boys and Girls Club of Western Lane County kicked off the second annual Stuff the Bus campaign yester- day and will continue it today. Dec. 2. The Boys and Girls Club bus was at Fred Meyer on Friday, and today the bus will be parked at Safeway and the club van will be at Grocery Outlet from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. In addition to the bus and van, donation barrels will be at Fred Meyer, Grocery Outlet, Safeway, Mini Pet conduct your study is when both men and women are in the store at the same time. This is easy to do if you just follow the Saturday sports schedule and plan your visits during halftime periods throughout the day. The first thing you’ll notice is the difference between how men and women enter the department store. Men don’t browse, they buy. Being a man myself, I can attest to the fact that we enter the store with absolute pur- pose, and continue walking that way, even if we have noidea where we’re going. When we do find the clothing section, there’s no wasting time on decisions about color or fabric. ‘S TUFF THE Mart and the Boys and Girls Club Teen Center, 1501 Airport Rd., until Dec. 8. Boys and Girls Club Executive Director Jack Davis said, “We were blown away by the overwhelming community response to our inaugural Stuff the Stuff the Bus campaign last year. We collected toys, clothing and non-perishable food that we were able to distribute to more than 100 families. “With the community’s help, we B US ’ If it’s denim and has work- ing pockets, we’re done shop- ping. By comparison, most women enter a department store like archeologists stum- bling upon the remains of a lost civilization. After creat- ing a mental grid of the area, they begin the long, slow process of sifting through every rack and every bin of twisted undergarments until, eventually, they conclude there’s nothing worth buying. At which point they move to the next aisle. For a thorough study of the shopping habbits of men and women, you must also include men who accompany their wives shopping. Keep in mind that, in most cases, these men are there by choice, i.e., they’ve chosen to go shopping over having their wives sleep in mechanic’s overalls for the next six months. The easiest way to tell these men apart from those who aren’t there with their wives is to look for any man leaning on a shopping cart with the “100-yard stare.” This is an unblinking gaze fixed on the exit doors, which, in most cases, are within 100 yards. It’s interesting to note some of the defense mechanisms that have evolved in these men over time. For example, waving at them instantly trig- gers loss of sight. Next comes deafness. Should you somehow man- age to get their attention, these individuals will be unable to speak. Carrying on the experiment passed this point isn’t recom- mended unless you are a cer- tified physician. That said, as we enter the holiday gift-giving season, let’s take time to rejoice in the differences between men and women. Let’s embrace our diversity, and savor those things that define our gen- ders. And if possible, let’s do it within 100 feet of the exit. (Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. Write him at nedhickson@ icloud.com or c/o Siuslaw News, 148 Maple St., Florence, Ore. 97439) CAMPAIGN CONTINUES TODAY AT can do even better this year.” Again this year, the club is partner- ing with SuperFood Drive to promote healthy non-perishable food items such as low sodium soups, beans and canned vegetables, fruit canned in 100 percent juice, canned tuna, chicken, sardines and salmon, whole grain pasta and brown rice. The club cannot accept fresh fruits or vegetables. Clothing, toys and non-perishable food will be available to any family in need. Children do not have to be club members. Request forms indicating shoe and clothing sizes needed and gift requests can be picked up at the Teen Center. The distribution of all items collect- ed will take place Dec. 18, 19, 20 and 21 at the Teen Center, between noon and 6 p.m. The Boys and Girls Club of Western Lane County receives no state or fed- S AFEWAY eral funding and is able to continue its ongoing youth development programs and community outreach through the support of people and businesses in the greater Florence area. For more information on Stuff the Bus, or to learn more about the Boys and Girls Club of Western Lane County, stop by the Teen Center week- days between 9 a.m. and 5:30 p.m., or call 541-902-0304. FRAA annual Holiday Arts Festival offering seasonal art, crafts today at FEC The 2017 Florence Regional Arts Alliance (FRAA) Holiday Arts Festival is offering unique gifts and fine craftsmanship during its festival, which con- tinues today from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Florence Events Center. Meet local and coastal crafts- men and artisans who will be showing off their latest creative designs and unique works of art. Art includes stained glass, wood creations, fused glass, watercolors, mosaic art, fine art photography, pottery, home- spun and hand-dyed wool hats, jewelry, crochete, hand-felted scarves, mushroom art and encaustic paintings, and more. Artisans exhibiting in the Holiday Arts Festival will be donating 10 percent of their sales to the FRAA Art Center. Admission is free. sat dec. 9 r 7 pm m BOYS & GIRLS CLUB ƃQTGPEGGXGPVUEGPVGT VGT of Western Lane County dec. 8 r bandon dec. 15–17 r hult center 1601 15th Street • Florence, OR 97439 541-902-0304 Great Futures Start Here For more information, con- tact Claudia Brown 541-902- 1933. BALLET FANTASTIQUE Volunteer * Get involved Florence Food Share provides food to those who are hungry in our community. If you have four hours a week available, we are in need of volunteers to staff our Front Desk and also act as Guides as clients walk through the pantry. Please call our volunteer coordinator, Ivy Medow, @ 541-997-9110 (Monday – Friday, before noon) to learn more about volunteering. info@lorence- foodshare.org 2190 Spruce Street. * * Donate Do your part and volunteer today to help support these local non-proft organizations in our community! Volunteers needed for new home construction, home repairs, general offi ce work, public relations and program administration. Join an operating committee and help Habitat help others! Call 541-902-9227 or e-mail to fl orencehabitat@gmail.com Offi ce located at 2004 HWY 101, Florence * Assisting those in need in our Community. Free Hot Meals Mon-Wed-Fri 12:30 AM - 1:30 PM Volunteer get tickets early for the best seats! great discounts for kids! * HELPING HANDS COALITION New Life Lutheran Church, 2100 Spruce St, next to Foodshare, Call 541-997-5057 to Volunteer Get involved Do your part and volunteer today to help support these local non-proft organizations in our community! 1570 Kingwood • PO Box 2313, Florence 541-997-5673 laneseniormeals.org Operating Monday, Wednesday and Friday Saving men one PSA test at a time. 541-997-6626 maribob@oregonfast.net Someone to talk to... who understands! To include your The Salvation Army organization in this directory, Western Lane County please call us Col. Sam Spayd, Volunteer Kettle Coordinator P.O. Box 1041, Florence, Oregon 97439 @ 541-997-3441 “ Shake off the humbugs this season with Ballet Fantastique’s incredible new Christmas classic! ” —Media Connect VKEMGVUMKFUEQNNGIGUGPKQTUrCFWNVU www .BALLETFANTASTIQUE.org FEC BOX OFFICE 541-997-1994 541-991-6139 Pacific Northwest Publishing www.TheSiuslawNews.com Silva Endowment Fund of the Arts Foundation of Western Oregon b bo o b w wi i ll l ia i a ms m s / /s s te e ph p h u rs rso s o Donate Meals on Wheels are available to people over the age of 60 who cannot get out much due to illness or advanced age and who are not eating properly, regardless of income. Cafe 60 is available for those who prefer to make new friends in a dining room setting.
