SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ SATURDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2017
11 A
Men are from NAPA, women are from Macy’s
Ned
Hickson
If you want to observe the
difference between men and
women at its purest form,
study their shopping habits.
With the holiday buying sea-
son now officially under way,
there’s no better time to wit-
ness this phenomenon for
yourself.
Here’s a brief study guide
to get you started.
Women:
a) Define an outfit as
something comprised of at
least three pieces of clothing,
all of which are interchange-
able and flattering.
b) Have researched the
B&G C LUB
best buys and know where
there’s a sale today.
c) Are undecided about
whether or not a drop-waist
makes them look fat.
d) Will try on all clothes
within arm’s reach of the fit-
ting room.
Men:
a) Define an outfit as
something comprised of
jeans. And maybe a fishing
lure.
b) Have researched today’s
game schedule on ESPN and
know they can get to the store
and back during halftime.
c) Are undecided about
how to answer when their
wives ask if a drop-waist
makes them look fat.
d) Won’t get within arm’s
reach of the fitting room.
Obviously, the best time to
ANNUAL
Boys and Girls Club of Western
Lane County kicked off the second
annual Stuff the Bus campaign yester-
day and will continue it today. Dec. 2.
The Boys and Girls Club bus was at
Fred Meyer on Friday, and today the
bus will be parked at Safeway and the
club van will be at Grocery Outlet
from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.
In addition to the bus and van,
donation barrels will be at Fred Meyer,
Grocery Outlet, Safeway, Mini Pet
conduct your study is when
both men and women are in
the store at the same time.
This is easy to do if you just
follow the Saturday sports
schedule and plan your visits
during halftime periods
throughout the day.
The first thing you’ll notice
is the difference between how
men and women enter the
department store.
Men don’t browse, they
buy.
Being a man myself, I can
attest to the fact that we enter
the store with absolute pur-
pose, and continue walking
that way, even if we have
noidea where we’re going.
When we do find the clothing
section, there’s no wasting
time on decisions about color
or fabric.
‘S TUFF
THE
Mart and the Boys and Girls Club
Teen Center, 1501 Airport Rd., until
Dec. 8.
Boys and Girls Club Executive
Director Jack Davis said, “We were
blown away by the overwhelming
community response to our inaugural
Stuff the Stuff the Bus campaign last
year. We collected toys, clothing and
non-perishable food that we were able
to distribute to more than 100 families.
“With the community’s help, we
B US ’
If it’s denim and has work-
ing pockets, we’re done shop-
ping.
By comparison, most
women enter a department
store like archeologists stum-
bling upon the remains of a
lost civilization. After creat-
ing a mental grid of the area,
they begin the long, slow
process of sifting through
every rack and every bin of
twisted undergarments until,
eventually, they conclude
there’s nothing worth buying.
At which point they move
to the next aisle.
For a thorough study of the
shopping habbits of men and
women, you must also
include men who accompany
their wives shopping. Keep in
mind that, in most cases,
these men are there by
choice, i.e., they’ve chosen to
go shopping over having their
wives sleep in mechanic’s
overalls for the next six
months.
The easiest way to tell
these men apart from those
who aren’t there with their
wives is to look for any man
leaning on a shopping cart
with the “100-yard stare.”
This is an unblinking gaze
fixed on the exit doors,
which, in most cases, are
within 100 yards.
It’s interesting to note some
of the defense mechanisms
that have evolved in these
men over time. For example,
waving at them instantly trig-
gers loss of sight. Next comes
deafness.
Should you somehow man-
age to get their attention,
these individuals will be
unable to speak.
Carrying on the experiment
passed this point isn’t recom-
mended unless you are a cer-
tified physician.
That said, as we enter the
holiday gift-giving season,
let’s take time to rejoice in
the differences between men
and women. Let’s embrace
our diversity, and savor those
things that define our gen-
ders.
And if possible, let’s do it
within 100 feet of the exit.
(Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
Write him at nedhickson@
icloud.com or c/o Siuslaw News,
148 Maple St., Florence, Ore.
97439)
CAMPAIGN CONTINUES TODAY AT
can do even better this year.”
Again this year, the club is partner-
ing with SuperFood Drive to promote
healthy non-perishable food items
such as low sodium soups, beans and
canned vegetables, fruit canned in 100
percent juice, canned tuna, chicken,
sardines and salmon, whole grain
pasta and brown rice.
The club cannot accept fresh fruits
or vegetables.
Clothing, toys and non-perishable
food will be available to any family in
need. Children do not have to be club
members.
Request forms indicating shoe and
clothing sizes needed and gift requests
can be picked up at the Teen Center.
The distribution of all items collect-
ed will take place Dec. 18, 19, 20 and
21 at the Teen Center, between noon
and 6 p.m.
The Boys and Girls Club of Western
Lane County receives no state or fed-
S AFEWAY
eral funding and is able to continue its
ongoing youth development programs
and community outreach through the
support of people and businesses in
the greater Florence area.
For more information on Stuff the
Bus, or to learn more about the Boys
and Girls Club of Western Lane
County, stop by the Teen Center week-
days between 9 a.m. and 5:30 p.m., or
call 541-902-0304.
FRAA annual Holiday Arts Festival offering seasonal art, crafts today at FEC
The 2017 Florence Regional
Arts Alliance (FRAA) Holiday
Arts Festival is offering unique
gifts and fine craftsmanship
during its festival, which con-
tinues today from 10 a.m. to 4
p.m. at the Florence Events
Center.
Meet local and coastal crafts-
men and artisans who will be
showing off their latest creative
designs and unique works of
art.
Art includes stained glass,
wood creations, fused glass,
watercolors, mosaic art, fine art
photography, pottery, home-
spun and hand-dyed wool hats,
jewelry, crochete, hand-felted
scarves, mushroom art and
encaustic paintings, and more.
Artisans exhibiting in the
Holiday Arts Festival will be
donating 10 percent of their
sales to the FRAA Art Center.
Admission is free.
sat dec. 9 r 7 pm
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BOYS & GIRLS CLUB
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of Western Lane County
dec. 8 r bandon
dec. 15–17 r hult center
1601 15th Street • Florence, OR 97439
541-902-0304
Great Futures Start Here
For more information, con-
tact Claudia Brown 541-902-
1933.
BALLET
FANTASTIQUE
Volunteer
*
Get
involved
Florence Food Share provides food to those
who are hungry in our community. If you have
four hours a week available, we are in need of
volunteers to staff our Front Desk and also act
as Guides as clients walk through the pantry.
Please call our volunteer coordinator, Ivy Medow,
@ 541-997-9110 (Monday – Friday, before noon)
to learn more about volunteering. info@lorence-
foodshare.org 2190 Spruce Street.
*
*
Donate
Do your part and
volunteer today
to help support
these local non-proft
organizations in
our community!
Volunteers needed for new home construction, home repairs, general
offi ce work, public relations and program administration. Join an
operating committee and help Habitat help others!
Call 541-902-9227 or e-mail to fl orencehabitat@gmail.com
Offi ce located at 2004 HWY 101, Florence
*
Assisting those in need in our Community.
Free Hot Meals Mon-Wed-Fri
12:30 AM - 1:30 PM
Volunteer
get tickets early
for the best seats!
great discounts
for kids!
*
HELPING HANDS COALITION
New Life Lutheran Church,
2100 Spruce St, next to Foodshare,
Call 541-997-5057 to Volunteer
Get
involved
Do your part and
volunteer today
to help support
these local non-proft
organizations in
our community!
1570 Kingwood • PO Box 2313, Florence
541-997-5673
laneseniormeals.org
Operating Monday, Wednesday and Friday
Saving men one
PSA test at a time.
541-997-6626
maribob@oregonfast.net
Someone to talk to...
who understands!
To include your
The Salvation Army
organization
in this directory,
Western Lane County
please call us
Col. Sam Spayd, Volunteer Kettle Coordinator
P.O. Box 1041, Florence, Oregon 97439
@ 541-997-3441
“ Shake off the humbugs
this season with
Ballet Fantastique’s
incredible new
Christmas classic! ”
—Media Connect
VKEMGVUMKFUEQNNGIGUGPKQTUrCFWNVU
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541-991-6139
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Meals on Wheels are available to people over the
age of 60 who cannot get out much due to illness
or advanced age and who are not eating properly,
regardless of income. Cafe 60 is available for those
who prefer to make new friends in a dining room
setting.