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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 10, 2016)
8 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10, 2016 Naturally, I’ll be dressing as Marilyn Monroe to help fight cancer my skirt will be blown Ned upward, revealing a sight that Hickson even Miley Cyrus said I don’t have good-looking legs. Not even in heels, which I have worn during the Men’s March Against Domestic Violence, and also the night I turned 21. Fortunately, in both cases (well, one for sure) I had pants on, so other than look- ing like a standard poodle walking on its hind legs for a dog biscuit, everyone was spared from seeing my hairy stork legs. To be honest, even a stork would probably wear pants if it had my legs. However, come Saturday at 2 p.m., I will jeopardize the vision of hundreds of people at the Relay For Life by dressing as Marilyn Monroe for the “Mr. Relay” fundraiser competition Naturally, I will be wearing heels. And yes, at some point “Crosses the line of decen- cy.” I’m relieved to say I won’t be alone in this endeavor. At least, I better not be. The way it was explained to me, there will be about a dozen men dressing as their favorite female movie actress or character. Given that I’ll be turning 50 a few days later, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to cross off “Emotionally scar as many people as possible all at once” from my bucket list. I had actually considered dressing as “Black Widow” from “The Avengers,” but the thought of wearing something THAT skintight had me wor- ried. Not so much because of my figure, but out of fear that my growing lack of flatulence control as I’ve aged might cause the suit to expand like a piece of Hubba Bubba bubble gum. If it were to pop, the con- cussion could cost people their hearing. And I don’t even want to think of what could happen if the stage is anywhere near an open flame. Remember the Hindenberg? So for everyone’s safety, I’m going to stick with Marilyn Monroe. Though there is still the risk of emo- tional scarring, at least there’s good ventilation. Some of you might be ask- ing,“Why are you doing this to us?” A portion of the money each of contestant raises goes to support cancer research, with the rest going to pro- grams in and around our com- munity. Like many of you, I have lost people I love to can- Crews to complete fog seal on 35th Street Aug. 10–12 The City of Florence will be completing a hot oil chip and fog seal, as well as a MicroCoat application, on 35th Street between Pine and Siano Loop from Wednesday, Aug. 10, to Friday, Aug. 12, depending on the weather. As with any street construc- tion project, there will be slight delays in the area. Residents are advised to use alternate routes to avoid the work area between Aug. 10- 12. Drivers should slow down and be patient and attentive to the traffic control flaggers. Chip Sealing is a common pavement maintenance prac- tice that extends pavement life and provides a good driving surface. With chip seals, a thin film of heated asphalt liquid is sprayed on the road surface, followed by the placement of small aggregates “chips.” The chips are compacted to orient the chips for maximum adher- ence to the asphalt, and excess stone is swept from the sur- face. A fog seal is then applied to further bind the chips to the asphalt liquid, protect the chip seal from UV rays and finish the road preservation. The city will apply a MicroCoat to the bike lanes along 35th Street, which is a micro seal coating system that will protect the bike lanes from degradation. MicroCoat was specifically designed for the Pacific Northwest and pro- vides a smoother surface for bicyclists and pedestrians. The pigment in the application will provide additional definition to the bike lanes to improve visibility and safety. cer, including a best friend who was barely 30. And yes, he had much bet- ter legs than me. If my hairy stork legs can help keep someone else from losing a loved one to cancer, I’m all in. Even if “in” means wearing a short dress and high heels. If you’d like to contribute by supporting my ugly legs, stop by the newspaper or, if you’re afraid I might be wear- ing shorts, you can send a check to: Cancer Society and, if you’d like, put “Ned’s Hairy Legs” in the subject line on the check. Not that ther'll be a cure for those anytime soon. Thank you in advance for your support, whether it be financially or emotionally — especially for those who will actually see my legs this Saturday. They will continue to collect donations for this event through the end of August. If you send or drop off a check before Aug. 31, I’ll make sure it gets to them! If it arrives after that, I’ll use it for a leg wax... Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com The Siuslaw News c/o Ned’s Hairy Legs 148 Maple Street Florence, Or 7 97439 Please make checks payable to The American WOK UP WINDOWS We can take care of anything under the sun to keep up the appearance of your home: Full List of Services Hand Washing of Windows • Power Wash Siding Power Wash Driveway & Sidewalks Moss Removal From Roof • Gutter Cleaning Anything else you might need help with, just ask! 541-999-6709 2016 Relay Relay for for Life Life of of Florence Florence Saturday, Aug Saturday, Aug 13 13 - - Sunday Sunday 14 14 10:00 a.m. a.m. to to 10:00 10:00 a.m. a.m. At At Miller Miller Park Park Luminaria Ceremony Luminaria Ceremony 9:00p.m. 9:00p.m. This ceremony of light symbolizes the hope and courage with which wHDOOFRQWLQXHWRÀJKWFDQFHr. A parent, sibling, friend or neighbor, we all know someone who has been touched by cancer. After sunset at each Relay For Life event, the track is encircled with luminaria decorated with the names of those who have battled cancer. This ceremony of light symbolizes the hope and courage with which we all continue to ÀJKW cancer. If you would like to make a donation for a luminaria at our LCC Florence Relay For Life, simply complete the form and bring to the Relay For Life Event. open house Get a preview of Lane Community College Florence Center’s fall Continuing Education cours- es and trips during an open house Tuesday, Aug. 16 at at 10:30 a.m. “This is an opportunity for interested community mem- bers to meet instructors and hear firsthand about exciting courses and Outward Vent- ures excursions planned this fall,” said Marsha Sills, LCC Florence Center Continuing Education coordinator. The campus’ Continuing Education department offers lifelong learning options through classes and Outward Ventures, a program that pro- vides cultural and education- al trips to sites in the region. Attendees will have a chance to win free Continuing Education fall registration, up to $50. Door prizes and light refreshments will be provided. Fall registration begins Sept. 6. 2016 Relay for Life Luminaria Order Form (Please print information) Your name: _________________________________________________________________ Phone (Day / Evening:) _______________________________________________________ Team Credit: ____________________________________________________________ I would like a candle lit: Name: _____________________________________________________________________ Check One: ____ Honor ____Memory ____Support Of ____Thanks to Caregiver Name: _____________________________________________________________________ Check One: ____ Honor ____Memory ____Support Of ____Thanks to Caregiver Name: _____________________________________________________________________ Check One: ____ Honor ____Memory ____Support Of ____Thanks to Caregiver Please make checks payable to: American Cancer Society FOR MORE INFORMATION OR TO SIGN UP TODAY CALL TOLL FREE 1-800-ACS-2345 Requested minimum donation of $5.00 per luminaria Donation Amount: $_______________
