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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (May 25, 2016)
6 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MAY 25, 2016 For graduation, some parents want the ‘breast’ for their daughters haven't made it past the Ned “breast” portion of this col- Hickson umn. Knowing this, I’ve After reading about how the parents of LuLu Diaz gave their daughter $6,000 breast implants for her high school graduation gift, I couldn’t help but be shocked by the idea of a father agree- ing to anything that would make his teenaged daughter more enticing to teenaged boys. As luck would have it, I actually spent several years in my teens. Because of this I can tell you there are many teenaged boys who still already begun saving for our youngest daughter’s gradua- tion gift, which will be an entire new wardrobe consist- ing of multiple pairs of sheet- metal pants and turtleneck sweaters made from chain- link. I may throw in a make-up kit as well, just in case she decides to lift her metal visor during conversation. I’m sure my daughter will thank me later for adding a degree of difficulty to the courtship process, which will eliminate those who aren’t persistent. Or, at the very least, those without a blowtorch. Sure, I may be getting ahead of myself since our daughter is still only 15 years old. But time passes quickly, and in another 20 years she’ll begin dating. For some reason, mothers seem better equipped to han- dle the whole dating prospect. I think it’s because — statisti- cally speaking — they aren’t men. They don’t know what’s going through the mind of a 15-year-old boy. Well, I DO. And you should all be ashamed of yourselves. I realize it’s important to establish a certain level of trust with my daughter in order for her to develop her independence; I have to encourage her to venture beyond the realm of our pro- tection; I have to allow her a sense of freedom. And I have to do it without letting her know she’s being followed by a private detective. How can I do this? Because, to a father, money is no object when it comes to providing his daughter with the false sense of freedom she deserves. Fine. Maybe I’m overreacting. But she’s not getting breast implants for a graduation gift. Why? Because while LuLu's parents say their “gift” is meant to boost their daugh- ter's self esteem, they have to see that things won't end there. It’ll be a tummy-tuck at 19, then higher cheekbones and a thinner nose for her 21st birthday. By then, of course, it’ll be time to tighten that sagging 21-year-old chin. Eventually, when she’s completely unrecognizable and can't pass through airport security without an X-ray of her head, LuLu will be happy and confident knowing she can, at long last, easily ditch her parents in a crowd. I want my daughter’s self- confidence to be grounded in who she is and not how she looks. I also admit I’d also like to avoid the cost of expensive breast implant surgery. The truth is, I’m flat bust- ed. Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com Breaking news, photo galleries and MORE! Visit the Siuslaw News online at WWW.THESIUSLAWNEWS.COM Toastmasters host open house June 1 There’s more to communi- cation than just talking. Learn how you can listen, process information and give specific feedback to communicate effectively during productive meetings. Also improve your leader- ship skills. Visit the Toastmasters open house Wednesday, June 1, from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m., at the SVFR Fire Station, 2625 Highway 101. For more information, con- tact Anne Machalek, Siuslaw Tale Spinner Toastmaster, at 541-902-8008. Visit us online: www.TheSiuslawNews.com. 2285 Highway 101 • Florence, OR 97439 (541) 997-8866 (541)997-6000 www.RealEstateFlorence.com NEW LISTING Gorgeous lakefront home on Siltcoos Lake! 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