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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (April 27, 2016)
6 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27, 2016 What an escaped hamster taught me about crisis management “Dad, I can’t find Ned Squiggles.” Hickson Those words, uttered just When you find yourself force-feeding Pepto Bismol into your child’s constipated hamster, you figure you’ve faced one of your greatest challenges as a parent. In fact, over the years, for us it has become the measuring stick by which all family crisis is measured: “Our son backed the car into a tree? Well…I suppose it’s still better than dealing with a constipated hamster...” In fact, the only crisis that has come close — appropri- ately enough — involved the same hamster. It was a moment that began with a simple statement from my daughter. three nights after the consti- pation incident, transformed a quiet Wednesday evening into a full-scale hamster hunt. Within minutes, our team was assembled around the kitchen table for a briefing. “There’s no telling how long he’s been on the out- side,” I said. “There’s a good chance he’s already assumed a new identity — perhaps as a mouse or gerbil. Keep you eyes open.” A collective nod from the team. “We’re going to concen- trate our efforts in the area between the guest room, ham- ster cage and attic,” I said. “It’s called cross-triangula- tion.” “I see, like the Bermuda Triangle,” my oldest daughter said. I gave everyone their assignments, then dispersed the posse. “Let’s go do some good!” Excitedly, my then two- year-old son broke from the group and rushed through the kitchen with his flashlight - then promptly sat in our dog’s water bowl. Things pretty much went downhill from there. What makes hamsters so hard to catch is that... well, they’re small. And they can make themselves even small- er just by thinking about it. They also have no bones and can run in excess of 70 mph. None of this is covered in the handbook, which por- trays hamsters as funny, quizzical characters with spe- cial little pouches for storing food on either side of their jaws. What the book doesn’t tell you is that those “little pouch- es” can actually stretch to accommodate food items much larger than the hamster itself, similar to an anacon- da’s ability to swallow the entire Budweiser draft horse team. It was this thought that sur- faced as I scooted belly-first through the crawlspace in our attic with a flashlight wedged between my teeth. I’ve never been keen on tight spaces, so when I caught the reflection of black eyes peering back at me from the insulation, I was- n’t thrilled to discover that my rear end — which had slipped forward through the crawl space with minimal effort — was now meeting resistance similar to an ele- phant backing into a shower stall. In front of me, Squiggles was preparing his pouches for something really BIG. “He’s over here!” I called out in a tone my daughter mistakenly thought was a scream. “Where are you?” “Purgatory. Or the crawl space in our attic, I forget which.” “Can you see him?” “Yes, and he looks hun- gry.” “Can you grab him?” “Not exactly; I can’t move.” Fortunately, I learned a couple of things during this recovery mission. First, given a choice, hamsters prefer fruit rolls to fat rolls. I also learned that cooking spray is as effec- tive as WD-40 when it comes to loosening grown men out of tight spaces. And even though Squiggles is no longer with us, he lives on. I don’t mean in the walls. I mean by helping me keep perspective with each family crisis. Especially if there’s Pepto Bismol involved. Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. Write to him at nedhickson@ icloud.com. Florence Garden Club to host plant sale May 7 Florence Garden Club seniors planning a post high will hold its annual plant school career in horticulture sale and raffle May 7, from or a related field such as 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., at forestry or environmental the Disabled American sciences. Veteran’s building, 1715 Since the club began the 21st St. scholarship program in The plant sale, held the 1994, more than $51,000 day before Mother’s Day, in scholarships has been offers hundreds of plants awarded. provided by club members The Florence Garden in 4-inch and larger pots, club currently has more priced from $1. than 100 members. The Many are suitable as club’s mission statement Mother’s Day gifts. is“...to stimulate the Large plants, shrubs, veg- knowledge and love of gar- etables and garden art will dening and aid in the pro- also be available for pur- tection of native vegeta- chase, all well below retail tion, birds, trees, horticul- prices. ture and marine sciences COURTESY PHOTO In addition to plants, through educational pro- local merchants and restau- The annual Garden Club plant sale offers hundreds of plants grams.” rants have donated raffle ready to be added to gardens and flower beds. The club meets the sec- prizes. ond Wednesday of each All proceeds will provide Last year, the club awarded month at 1 p.m. at the Tickets will be available at the door; winners don’t have to scholarships to Siuslaw and scholarships totaling $4,000. Presbyterian Church, 3996 Mapleton graduating seniors. Scholarships are awarded to Highway 101 North. be present. 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Bonus room 2 Bdrm + den, 2 Ba 2005 sqft $393,500 BH7232 ML#16297575 Florence Branch | 1875 Hwy 101 | Florence, OR | (541) 997-6000 | www.RealEstateFlorence.com © 2016 BHH Affi liates, LLC. An independently operated subsidiary of HomeServices of America, Inc., a Berkshire Hathaway affi liate, and a franchisee of BHH Affi liates, LLC. Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices and the Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices symbol are registered service marks of HomeServices of America, Inc.®
