Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (April 13, 2016)
6 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 2016 If you’ve never had food poisoning, thank a humor columnist as each of us presents an Ned important topic of debate: Hickson What is our stance on April 18th is National Col- umnist Day. Being a colum- nist, I naturally have journal- ist friends who, whenever we get together, want to talk about (yawn) heady issues facing the nation and the world. This is done in a dis- cussion format similar to “Meet the Press,” except that our debates are often inter- rupted by someone’s beer foaming over. Aside from that, it’s just like the show on TV. As you can imagine, our exchanges get pretty heated political reform? Should we overhaul social security? How do we deal with ter- rorism? Or, as I challenged: Why do all of the superheros seem to be fighting each other late- ly? That’s usually when our debate comes to a screeching halt and I’m forced, once again, to defend my journalis- tic integrity by explaining the value of what I do as a columnist, then emphasizing my point by offering to pay for everyone’s beer. Admittedly, I have it easy compared to other journalists who must worry about gather- ing “facts” and finding “sources” while I, on the other hand, can “make” things up without “leaving” my desk. Which isn’t to say I’m not held to the same jour- nalistic standards as everyone else. I can’t claim, for example, that rubbing your head in Frito-Lay bean dip can pro- mote hair growth similar to that of a Tibetan Mountain yak. (At least, not without some kind of corroborating evi- dence, such as testimony from an actual mountain yak.) If I were to do this, I could open myself up to litigation from Frito-Lay and, quite possibly, every bald person smelling of bean dip. The fact is, what I do comes at great personal risk. And by that I mean actual physical danger, like the time I was attacked by amorous turkeys for a column about Thanksgiving. I also mention my editor a lot in my columns, which is an occupa- tional hazard my “real” jour- nalist friends never have to contend with. Chances are, they’ll never write a story, be sitting at their desk in the newsroom, and have a city official walk by and smack them in the head with the newspaper. Yet, week after week, dedi- cated humor columnists like myself sit at their keyboards, surfing the net until an hour before deadline. Why? Because each of us truly believes we’re making the world a better place by doing everything we can, as colum- nists, to stay out of the skilled-labor work force. Let’s face it, for every culi- nary position a humor colum- nist takes up, there are at least a dozen people with Salmonella. As columnists, we under- stand our place in the world. We accept the dangers. And we know countless people (i.e., there’s no time to count them before my dead- line) owe their lives to the fact that I — and others like me — are sitting in a news- room writing about glow-in- the-dark mice or how to har- monize with your wife’s nose whistle. That being said, as some- one who actually spent time working in the food service industry before becoming a columnist, I’d like to thank all of you for reading. And also, you should wash your hands after reading this. (Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com) Gospel duo to perform in Florence Folk Mountain Gospel, the husband-and-wife duo of Don and Donna Mohl from Fair Grove, Mo., will present a free 7 p.m. concert Wednesday, April 13, at Florence Seventh- day Adventist Church. The Mohls perform a unique style of music, merg- ing their voices with Biblical and traditional instruments such as hammered dulcimer, bowed psaltery, zither, moun- tain dulcimer, mandolin, har- monica and guitar. The Mohls have traveled the United States extensively since 1988 as members of The Master’s Travelers and Simply His, and as Folk Mountain Gospel. Listeners are treated to hymns, more recent gospel music, and a “down-home” family-oriented message of Jesus' love and grace. The Mohls also blend heart- warming stores that inspire and encourage into their con- certs. The church is at 4445 Highway 101 (across from COURTESY PHOTO NAPA Auto Parts). CDs, DVDs and handcraft- ed biblical musical instru- ments will be available for sale after the program. For more information call the Seventh Day Adventist Church at 541-997-3951 or visit www.folkmountain gospel.com. (541)997-6000 www.RealEstateFlorence.com NEW LISTING Country living, city close – 4 miles South of bridge. Community dock to enjoy Woahink Lake. All new appliances 3 Bdrm, 1 Ba, 1144 sq ft $184,500 BH7224 ML#16596194 NEW LISTING Beautiful ranch style in community of upscale homes. Master on opposite end for privacy 3 Bdrm, 2 1/2 Ba 2167 sq ft $349,900 BH7215 ML#16137030 NEW LISTING Great beach area lot. Walking distance to the beach & dunes. Current foundation for 3 bdrm, 1760 sqft home + bonus w/attached garage is on this lot $79,900 BH7225 ML#16525493 NEW LISTING Beautiful lot. Build your dream home or put new manufactured home. .36 acre, close to dunes & beach. $69,900 BH7223 ML#16542072 PRICE REDUCTION Recreational lakefront on Collard Lake .47 acre, old growth trees, seasonal creek, warm southern exposure. Canoe, kayak, paddleboat, swim, fi sh & picnic! $65,000 BH7098 ML#15124919 FEATURED LISTING Riverfront ranch home on top of full daylight basement. Covered parking for 5. Fully fenced yard. 2 Bdrm + den, 1 ½ Ba 1388 sq ft $299,000 BH7180 ML#16047474 NEW LISTING Adorable coastal retreat or full time living! Enjoy country living, close to Sutton Lake 2 Bdrm, 1 Ba 768 sq ft $89,900 BH7217 ML#16611985 In partnership with: PRICE REDUCTION Beautiful home inside & out. Upgrades throughout in the 3-5 bedroom very clean, neat home. Room for crafts, offi ce, storage, 2 car garage, room for RV 3-5 bdrm, 2 ¾ Ba 1756 sq ft $219,900 BH7197 ML#16567076 Win $50,000 for a Home Update! from Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices AND we’re also giving away 12 weekly prizes of $2,500! Contest ends June 17, 2016. Enter for a chance to win at LoveYourHomeSweeps.com No purchase necessary. Enter once per day. See contest rules for details. FEATURED LISTING Siuslaw riverfront lot .39 acre at Shelter Cove gated community. City water & sewer, power available. Minutes to town & all services $249,000 BH7202 ML#16052417 Florence Branch | 1875 Hwy 101 | Florence, OR | (541) 997-6000 | www.RealEstateFlorence.com © 2016 BHH Affi liates, LLC. An independently operated subsidiary of HomeServices of America, Inc., a Berkshire Hathaway affi liate, and a franchisee of BHH Affi liates, LLC. Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices and the Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices symbol are registered service marks of HomeServices of America, Inc.®
