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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (March 30, 2016)
6 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30, 2016 Why NASA will never let me order furniture ions for hours at a time, they Ned were dirty, lumpy and mis- Hickson shapen. It wasn’t until dragging our furniture onto the patio during our spring cleaning that I realized our couches looked like they were purchased from a crackhouse garage sale. After years of having the dogs rub themselves along the front, and motionless teenagers planted on the cush- And so were our couches. After a discussion about the merits of keeping our old set and the cost of replacing them with a new one, my wife and I decided to go ahead and get rid of our old sofa and love seat. Total elapsed time of this conversation: 11 seconds. That includes the eight sec- onds we spent covering the couches with a tarp so no one else would see them. Naturally, before going to the furniture store, I needed to measure the wall and floor space in the livingroom to ensure we wouldn’t order the wrong size couches and end up having a conversation like this: Me: Honey, would you like me to grab you a soda from the fridge? My wife: Only if you're going to the kitchen. Me: It’s no trouble. The other end of the couch is in the kitchen anyway. Admittedly, I am not a numbers person. While some people are able to solve com- plex mathematical equations dealing with numerical sequences and the square root of a hypotenuse triangle, oth- ers, like myself, still haven't figured out the correct way to read a tape measure: Hmmm, looks like exactly seven feet, eight inches — plus about three little lines. As you can imagine, me determining square footage LCC offering special programs through May Lane Community College Florence Center will be offer- ing a series of special work- shops and mini seminars April through May, as part of its con- tinuing education program: Join LCC Florence for for- aging walk and farm tour: Homegrown Public House’s Kelsey Terry and Jen Nelson will lead a foraging walk at Sweet Creek Falls on Monday, April 4. Terry and Nelson will teach students how to identify and harvest edible plants. Some of the hike’s harvest will be used for the picnic lunch that Terry and Nelson will prepare for the group at Whiskey Creek Organics, a nearby farm that students will also tour. ACES offers Churchill lec- ture series: The Adult Continuing Education Series will present a “Great Courses” lecture on Winston Churchill, through May 9, at the center. As part of the class, students will view a “Great Courses” lecture by a Churchill scholar J. Rufus Fears. An interactive discussion, facilitated by David Ripley, will follow. The eight-week class will meet from 1:30 to 3 p.m. LCC Florence Outward Venture to Eugene Ballet: Lane Community College Florence Center’s Outward Ventures program travels back to the 1920s on Sunday, April 10, for a matinee performance of the Eugene Ballet Company’s “The Great Gatsby,” at the Hult Performing Arts Center. The ballet features original choreography by the compa- ny’s artistic director, Toni Pimble, and live music com- posed by Wynton Marsalis. Pimble will discuss her vision of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s work in a pre-show discussion with the audience. Nature photography hike offered at LCC Florence: Photographer Curt Peters shares tips on how to capture the best nature shots on a hike at Sweet Creek Falls Sunday, April 17. Peters will teach techniques on how to capture still life on the trails and motion of the falling water and wildlife of Sweet Creek Falls. All levels of experience welcome. Memoir writing workshop with Bob Welch: Award-winning columnist Bob Welch will teach a one- day memoir writing workshop at Lane Community College Florence Center on Saturday, April 23. Welch will walk participants through the process of turning an idea into a story and also offer his expertise on the pub- lishing process. Each participant also will receive an autographed copy of one of Welch’s memoirs, “Pebble in the Water.” To register for this or any of the continuing education pro- grams, visit www.lanecc. edu/florence or call 541-997- 8444. was like calculating a trajec- tory for orbiting the planet Mars. So I turned to the Internet for help. It was there that I found an actual grade school math activity called “Henry Carpets the Classroom,” which teaches seventh graders how to calculate square footage. It was thanks to this web- site that I was able to deter- mine the correct measure- ments by hiring a seventh grader to do it for me. I am not ashamed of this. I knew full well that my wife would find out when she balanced our account at the end of the month. Besides, as man of the house, I have nothing to hide. Well, except for those ugly couches... Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com FOLLOW US FOR THE LATEST NEWS /S IUSLAW N EWS ❘ @S IUSLAW N EWS We invite you to join us. •Wednesday, 7 p.m. - Family Connections •Sunday, 9:00 a.m. - Bible Study •Sunday, 10:30 a.m. - Worship Service Corner of 10th & Maple St. • 541-997-3533 www.florencecrossroad.org email: office@florencecrossroad.org 375 9th St. • Florence, OR 97439 Ph: (541) 997-6111 • Fax: (541) 997-5747 Cell: (541) 305-5282 • rperkins@prestigecare.com www.spruce-point.com VOICE YOUR OPINION! Write a Letter to the Editor: Rik Perkins Community Relations Director E DITOR @T HE S IUSLAW N EWS . 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