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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (March 2, 2016)
10 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2, 2016 Don’t tell my wife I may have blown a chance at $5 million It’s not every day I receive an email from a Zimbabwean prince who needs help relocat- ing $20 million into an American bank account as soon as possible. In fact, I’d say I only get this type of email — at the very most — once a week. And each time, I immediately delete it because, let’s be honest: Who wants to spend time figuring out how to access their online bank account? Besides, having my check- ing account suddenly jump to you don't have money in your account to cover...Oh, wait a minute. Scratch that. Will this bagel be everything? At the same time, what if it was true? What if a South African prince really WAS try- ing to move millions of dollars into the online account of a complete stranger? And what if my wife found out that I’d deleted his email dozens of times? And what if, after dis- covering this, she was sitting next me when 20/20 began telling the story of how Booger Jones of Snakegut, Ala., became a multi-million- aire after figuring out how to access HIS online bank account to help a Zimbabwean prince? (And furthermore, why is it that, even after using Spell Check, the word “Zimbabwean” still looks wrong?) Because of these nagging questions, I decided to do a lit- tle investigative work and make absolutely sure there was no “Booger Jones” living anywhere in Alabama. To my surprise, I found 14 of them. Which is why I decided to answer Prince Mbagi’s plea for help. Now, in order for you to fully understand the scope of his situation, I will summa- rize: Prince Mbagi, the son of a wealthy Zimbabwean farmer killed by members of the South African government, is trying to find someone in America who will “inherit” his family fortune in order to keep President Mugabe from steal- ing it. As a show of apprecia- tion, this person will receive $5 million. The only thing Prince Mbagi needs is an online account to transfer his millions to. The first step was to contact Prince Mbagi at kmbagi@phantomemail.com, which, I discovered, is an Rotary scholarships can be family affair Getting a Rotary scholar- ship is “all in the family” for Shasta Hoberg McMullen and daughter McKenzie McMullen Kramer. Both mother and daughter credit Rotary Club of Florence with giving them a head start in their profession- al lives. “I was honored to receive a Rotary scholarship in 1975,” Shasta reveals. “Because of that, I was able to study accounting at the Florence campus of LCC while work- ing at my very first job at Copeland Lumber.” Today, Shasta manages the office at Hoberg’s Complete Auto Repair. It’s a family business all the way, with husband Kevin managing the COURTESY PHOTO automotive end of the busi- From left, McKenzie McMullen Kramer and her mother ness while also co-chairing Shasta Hoberg McMullen both earned Rotary Club of Rotary Auction 2016 with Florence scholarships. Kim Erickson of Oregon nication at Western Oregon “Paying for college can Pacific Bank. Kramer, their daughter, University. Today, McKenzie seem impossible,” McKenzie received her scholarship in works as a customer service says, “and this scholarship in 1999 and used it to study psy- representative for Central conjunction with others made that possible for me. It chology and speech commu- Lincoln PUD in Reedsport. showed me that others believed in me enough to sup- port me in my dream of going to college.” Since the Rotary auction began back in the 1960s, the Florence club has awarded more than $1 million in schol- arships to local high school students. Many have returned to Florence to work in local businesses and contribute back to the community. On Saturday, March 12, Rotary will do it all over again when, at 5 p.m., more than 250 creatively costumed characters will gather at the FEC for the next Rotary Auction. It may look like all fun and games, but the underlying theme is putting “Service Above Self” and having the opportunity to make dreams come true for more of this community’s young people. The auction is sold out, although a few individual tickets may be available. For information, call Craig Sanders at 541-999-1713. email service providing “com- pletely anonymous internet accounts.” Naturally, this made perfect sense for someone in his dire situation. What didn’t make sense was that I needed a password in order to leave a message. Because I didn’t know it, I did the next logical thing — which was to try cracking the secret password by entering random combinations of the word “Booger.” Haha! Not really; that would be silly! I contacted the webmaster, explaining that I was trying to help a Zimbabwean prince looking for someone who could be trusted with $20 mil- lion. His reply was swift: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Best of luck. — Booger Jones. Needless to say, I didn’t make contact with Prince Mbagi. I did, however, learn how to spell “Zimbabwean.” Wait.... See what I mean? It still looks wrong! Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com. Firefighters prep for annual St. Patty’s Day Spaghetti feed The Siuslaw Valley Firefighters’ Association is sponsoring its annual St. Patrick’s Day Spaghetti Fee on Thursday, March 17, from 4 to 7 p.m. at 2625 Highway 101. Tickets are $8 for adults and $4 for children aged 12 and younger. There will be unlim- ited spaghetti, salad and bread, and desserts will be available for an extra cost. See Jim for your auto sales needs! 2150 Hwy. 101 • Florence (541) 997-3475 • 1-800-348-3475 7KH 6KRUHZRRG 5HWLUHPHQW 5HVLGHQFH a r o f in Us Jo ! y a D Friday, March 4th, 2016 Boogie-Woogie down to the Dairy Queen for 50% OFF Banana Splits! 9 9 . 1 $ Y L ON This deal is too Groovy to miss! Can you dig it Daddio!?!? 125 Hwy. 101 • Florence 6SUXFH6W)ORUHQFH25a VKRUHZRRGUHWLUHPHQWVKPQHW CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK over $20 million — I think — Ned would look a little suspicious. Hickson I’m sorry Mr. Hickson, but