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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 12, 2015)
8 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2015 Want to look ahead? Look no further than your behind You should be aware that the idea of promoting an important issue through a week of “National Awareness” has gotten... How can I put this tactfully..? Really stupid. There was a time when, in order to command the atten- tion of our entire country for a whole week, you actually needed to have an issue that was important. It needed to be something that could save lives, improve society or, at the very least, boost the sale of Hallmark cards. But not anymore. I say this because, as you may or may not know, we’re in the middle of “National Psychic Week.” (For those of you who did not know this, I’m sorry — but there’s a good chance you are not psy- skepticism [of psychics] through factual awareness.” Thanks to an article that appeared in The Register- Guard, I have a better under- standing of how it might take an entire week to dispel all that skepticism — especially after reading about Ulf Buck, a blind psychic from Meldorf, Germany, who claims he can read people’s futures by feel- ing their naked buttocks. (Warning to women who frequent singles bars: Men who frequent singles bars may be reading this column.) According to Buck, creases representing success, career and artistic ability extend inward from the extremities of the buttocks (Similar to a map of Hollywood), while five other creases radiate out- ward. Though Buck explained that those creases represent areas such as love and money, when asked about that crease radiating down the middle, he just said, “Ewww.” My point is, if you have a habit of sitting naked on wicker furniture, don’t waste your time getting a buttocks reading. No. My real point is that people no longer pay ANY attention to “National Awareness” weeks because the topics have gotten so dumb. For example, when’s the last time you observed “National Fresh Breath” week with any level of enthusiasm? Did you gargle more? Brush better? Buy an extra roll of Certs? (No one in THIS office did, I can tell you that.) The problem is that there are no guidelines when it comes to petitioning for “National Awareness” status, which is why we have 40 states that participate in “Sky Awareness” week each year. First of all, do we really need a whole week? Unless you’re lying face down get- ting a buttocks reading, how long does it take to look straight up? Considering that there are 10 states that don’t observe “Sky Awareness” week at all, we can conclude that they either, 1) Think it’s dumb, 2) Put all of their efforts into having a great “Fresh Breath” week, or 3) Have no idea the sky actually exists. Which could explain the idea behind “Brain Awareness” week. That’s right. The same peo- ple who brought us “Mustard” week and “Bat Survey” week would like us to remember that we have brains even though, oddly enough, those same people scheduled “National Hot Dog” week to take place three months AFTER “National Mustard” week! The bottom line, of course, is that coming up with wise- Florence Center will close on Mondays and Fridays for the summer through this Friday, Aug. 14. The Center is open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. I N BRIEF Receive free dental care tomorrow SHS 40th reunion Saturday mation, contact Bill Libby at broncos.7@live.com. Korando Dental Group will be hosting its annual From The Heart Dentistry’s free dental day Thursday, Aug. 13. Registration begins at 6 a.m. Participants must be 18 years or older to be seen and can choose one of the follow- ing services: cleaning, tooth extraction or filling. Korando Dental Group is at 1705 22nd St. For more information, call 541-991-7920. Siuslaw High School Class of 1975’s 40th reunion will be Saturday, Aug. 15, with a potluck lunch. For more infor- LCC summer hours end this week Siuslaw sports can register online Siuslaw High School announced that it is now offer- ing the convenience of online registration for Athletics through FamilyID, a secure registration platform that pro- vides an easy, user-friendly way to register for programs. The system keeps track of your information in your FamilyID profile. You enter your information only once for each family member for multi- ple uses and multiple pro- grams. Go to this link to register and for more information: www. familyid.com/siusl aw-high-school. Get help with utility costs at SOS Siuslaw Outreach Services (SOS) opened sign-ups for the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP) on Monday, Aug. 10. SOS will take sign-ups until funds run out. Only those who have not received LIHEAP funds since November are eligible to sign up. This federally funded pro- gram is designed to help low income household deal with rising heating and cooling cost. To sign up or find out more about this program, call SOS at 541-997-2816. Women veterans to gather for lunch Friday The Coastal Women Veterans will be holding lunch at Ona’s Restaurant, A131 Highway 101, North Yachats, on Friday, Aug. 14, at 11:30 a.m. All military women are invited and encouraged to attend and can call Dottie Henderson to RSVP at 541- 902-8623. Watch Cub Scout Olympics Saturday Pack 777’s Cub Scout Olympics will be held Aug. 15, from 1 to 3 p.m., at Miller Park. It will be a fun-filled event with relay races, obstacle courses and more. Lane Community College cracks about buttocks read- ings, while cheeky, requires more brain activity than most “Awareness Week” topics. Though I’m sure that’ll change some day, exactly when is anybody’s guess. Then again, they do say hind- sight is 20/20. Just ask Ulf Buck... Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com. PENING OF “THE ANN O D N EX” GRA On August 14th at 10 AM , the Florence Area Humane Society (FAHS) is opening "Th e Annex" at 4981 Hwy 101, just north of Fred Meyer. It will be selling estate and donated furniture, appliances and other large items too big for the FAHS Th rift Store in Old Town, but photos of items will be there. THE ANNEX WILL BE OPEN on the 2nd and 4th Fridays and Saturdays of every month from 10:00 AM to 3:00 PM and by appointment with Ed at 541-999-8247. All proceeds go to benefi t the shelter animals. Spruce Point Assisted Living Community Living, Loving, & Thriving 375 37 75 9th St Florence, OR 97439 www.spruce-point.com Caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease or other memory related illnesses can be very overwhelming. We’re here to help. Senior Gems Video Presentation Explains the Different Stages of Alzheimer’s Disease Wednesday, August 19th, 2:00pm This video, featuring memory care expert, Teepa Snow, will provide you with an overview of how Alzheimer’s disease affects the human brain. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common form of cognitive disorder. Learn the symptoms, stages and areas affected in the brain by this disease. Learn the ‘Best Friends’ Approach to Caring for a Loved One with Dementia Wednesday, September 16th, 2:00pm Learn the “Best Friends” approach. This approach is based on the work and experience of our memory care consultant, David Troxel. Learn about this practical philosophy for anyone caring for loved ones with dementia. Making the Day Meaningful: Why are Activities so Important? Wednesday, October 21st, 2:00pm Activities are essential to reducing challenging behaviors, providing a sense of purpose, preserving and strengthening skills, facilitating social connections and promoting quality of life. Learn how to create meaningful, appropriate and failure-free activities for individuals with dementia. Space is limited for these FREE educational events. For more information and to reserve your seat please call (541) 997-6111 or visit us today! CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK chic.) According to one web- Ned site, the purpose of each Hickson week-long focus is to: “dispel
