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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (April 22, 2015)
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, APRIL 22, 2015 9 A Only a REAL man can iron clothes at 3,000 feet Ned Hickson I have reached the conclu- sion that most of the world’s ironing is now being done by men. I say this because it’s the only explanation I have for a sport called “extreme” ironing, which is actually being lobbied as an Olympic event by “ironing enthusiasts” — a phrase referred to in the Bible as a sign of the coming apocalypse: And four horsemen will come from the sky. And they will lay waste to the land, but not before having their robes pressed by ironing enthusi- asts... It’s easy to understand how extreme ironing evolved if you keep in mind this simple truth about the male species: Given enough time, any man performing a mundane task will find a way to hurt himself. And if you can hurt your- self doing it, then it’s practi- cally a sport already. Sure, bowling and golf may appear to be exceptions to this rule. But ask anyone who has ever jammed their finger in the ball return, or inadvertently left a tee in their back pocket, and they’ll tell you there is plenty of danger involved. As a man who irons, I know, firsthand, the danger that comes with pressing my daughters’ favorite clothes. Especially if I use the wrong setting and turn what was once her favorite band shirt into our newest hand towel. Until recently, men who ironed were looked upon as being wimpy. This was a stigma left over from an earlier time when men brought home the bacon and women cooked it ... ... then cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, washed the dishes, bathed the kids, and did all the laundry. Back then, men who refused to perform domestic chores were still called masculine things such as “The Breadwinner,” “King of the Castle,” and “Man of the House.” Generally by other men. Today, men who want to bring home the bacon — while avoiding any domestic chores — are called other things, such as “single” or “recently divorced.” As a result, we men have come up with a way to demonstrate our unquestion- able maleness by 1) taking a simple task and 2) making it as difficult as humanly possi- ble. This is the general idea behind “extreme” ironing, which, according to its web- site (www.extremeironing .com) “combines the excite- ment of an ‘extreme’ sport with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt.” Being a man, I can appreci- ate that kind of logic. Any woman can iron a pair of slacks; it takes a MAN to do it while jumping out of a plane. Because of this, I have decided to train for the 2016 Extreme Ironing World Championships, which my daughters have pledged their support for by providing me with as much ironing to do as possible. In fact, as a demonstration of their unselfish commitment to my goal, they each recently purchased entire new wardrobes, none of which is “wrinkle free.” My hope is that the experi- ence will draw us even closer together as a family. At least, once I can find them on the other side of this pile of ironing. Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com I N BRIEF The April Pre-diabetes/ Diabetes Support Group has been cancelled. The next meeting will be Tuesday, May 19, at 2 p.m., in the conference room at the Siuslaw Public Library. Meetings are the third Tuesday of the month. Friends of Library board meeting The Friends of the Siuslaw Public Library will hold its monthly board meeting Thursday, April 23, at 11 a.m., in the Bromley Room. All members and anyone interested in supporting the library or learning more about the Friends is invited to attend. Refreshments are provided. The purpose of the FOL is to support the Siuslaw Public Library. For more information, con- tact SiuslawLibraryFriends@ gmail.com. SWIM, SRAC meeting set for Thursday Fall 2015 SES registration for in kindergarten Siuslaw Wellness Mapleton (SWIM)/Siuslaw Regional Aquatic Center (SRAC) invites the public to attend a meeting on Thursday, April 23, at the Siuslaw Public Library, in the Bromley Room, at 5:30 p.m. Efforts to restore the compet- itive sized swimming pool at Mapleton Middle School will be discussed. Kindergarten registration for fall 2015 within the Siuslaw School District will be April 20 to 30, from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. each day at Siuslaw Elementary School. Enrollees must be 5 years old on or before Sept. 1, 2015. Parents should bring proof of age and an immunization record. No child will be admitted or allowed to attend school in the fall without proof of age and immunizations. Buy books, help the library April 25 The next Siuslaw Public Library Book Sale will be Saturday, April 25, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. This sale will include only non-fiction books, such as cook books, how-to books, biogra- phies and other subjects. The sale will be in the Bromley Room at the Siuslaw Public Library. Cash, checks and cred- it cards will be accepted. All proceeds benefit the library. This event is sponsored by the Friends of the Siuslaw Public Library Vote for Siuslaw School Garden once a day The Siuslaw School Garden Program entered the Seeds of Change Grant Program for an opportunity to win a $20,000 grant. Through April 27, the com- munity can support the garden program by visiting facebook.com/seedsofchange or seedsofchangegrant.com and vote each of those days. Community Chorus to take stage May 3 May 3, at 2 p.m., the Community Chorus of Florence will present its Hooray for Hollywood at the Florence Event Center. The Flotones are special guests and the Siuslaw Children’s Choir will debut. In addition, scholarships will be presented to deserving stu- dents. Call the FEC at 541-997- 1994 for tickets. or visit the chorus website at www. communitychorusflorenceor. org. LCC to host program on sustainability The LCC Florence Center (3149 Oak St.) invites the pub- lic to attend “Sustainability: Surviving and Thriving in a Changing World,” presented by LCC faculty member Margaret Robertson, on Thursday, May 7, at 5:30 p.m. Learn about the possibilities for a regenerative future in a healthy and sustainable world. Refreshments will be served. Dunes City Triathlon run, ride, swim The annual Oregon Dunes Triathlon and Duathlon will be held May 9. Interested athletes can register at www. oregondunestriathlon.com. Anyone that is interested in volunteering for this one-day event can call Renee at Dunes City Hall 541-997-3338. Pre-race announcements will begin at 7:45 a.m. The transition area will open at 6:30 a.m Toastmasters to host workshop May 9 The Toastmasters club in Florence, Siuslaw Tale Spinners, will hold the second in their series of free communi- ty workshops on Saturday, May 9, from 1 to 3:30 p.m., at the Siuslaw Public Library. The workshop, Set Powerful Goals That Motivate You, will be held as part of the open- house program. Boardwalk Market re-opens May 16 The Florence Boardwalk Market’s 2015 season kickoff is Saturday, May 16. CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK Diabetes meeting for April canceled