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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (March 18, 2015)
8 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18, 2015 Being attacked by a Komodo dragon is its own reward yourself to a seven-foot lizard Ned definitely falls into the Hickson “major donor” category. More than a decade later, zoos are still struggling to find ways of rewarding major donors with experiences that, as one zoo official put it, “Offers a unique and exciting interaction with animals that doesn't include offering our donors as dinner.” The problem is, while there are certainly lots of other, safer animal exhibits that could be toured by big spenders, the danger factor — and storytelling value — drops off considerably once you leave man-eater realm. Being at a dinner party and telling how you stared down a Siberian tiger, then narrowly escaped its claws, is definite- ly more impressive than recalling the time you held off a hungry Toucan with Some of you may remem- ber when San Francisco Chronicle executive editor Phil Bronstein was attacked by a 7-foot-long Komodo dragon back in 2001. Oddly enough, it wasn’t a letter to the editor gone horribly wrong, or even a marketing stunt for “Crouching Editor, Hidden Dragon” that spurred the attack. It actually hap- pened during a special behind-the-scenes tour at the Los Angeles Zoo aimed at rewarding high-end financial contributors. As a result, officials were forced to “re-evaluate” the special visiting privileges reserved for major donors – and without question, feeding nothing but a tranquilizer gun and a box of Fruit Loops. The same goes for tales of survival that have anything to do with ovulating ostriches or outrunning giant, spitting tor- toises (even if what you were wearing was labeled “Dry Clean Only.”) The fact is, these stories are a lot like microwavable pork rinds; lots of sizzle, very little pop. As you can imagine, brain- storming sessions have pro- duced a number of ideas, all of which are top secret. However, through an inside source I was able to obtain a list of titles for some possible “special visit” activities. Among them: Can You Find the Piranha in the Sauna? Crouching Tiger, Hidden Exit Jack is nimble, Jack is quick — but Jack is asking for a bigger stick What zoos don’t seem to understand is that there’s no need to waste time coming up with new ways to thrill big contributors. After a recent trip to the Portland Zoo, I can tell you officials just need to look at the dangers an aver- age attendee faces during a routine excursion to their park. For example, walking past the guy who bends and con- torts balloons into animal shapes is absolutely terrify- ing. It’s like maneuvering past someone twisting multi- colored explosives together; one false move, and the chain One potato, two potato, three potato, ROAR! Share your Big Mac with a Razorback Mapleton High School Winter Honor Roll Grade 9: WELLS, DOMINIC JOSEPH 3.00 Grade 10: CLEARY, MACKENZIE JEAN CROSON, ZACHARY ADAM HAYS, JOSI MARIE NICOL, OLIVIA RAQUELLE HALVERSON, DANA CHRISTINE ROBY, JEWEL JUSTINE 3.67 3.29 3.29 3.20 3.17 3.00 Stocks. Bonds. CDs. IRAs. Mutual funds. Grade 11: RODET, HANNAH JEWEL GEDDES, CHET REX LIVINGSTON, GEORGE LEWIS D’AUTEUIL, TREVVER JOSEPH 3.83 3.57 3.33 3.00 Grade 12: FORD, TUCKER O REEVES, JESSE JOE FREE, CHRISTOPHER LOUIS DEARMAN, KAITLYN TAYLOR 4.00 3.83 3.40 3.00 reaction could blow the fur off a mountain yak. Ever run out of food pellets while you’re in the middle of the petting zoo? The only way out is to be air lifted – and that's only after your hair and shoes have been eaten by goats. Then there’s the monkey house. I’d just as soon skip the details, but let me just say to any honeymooners out there: if you walk by at the wrong time, the monkeys won't be throwing rice. In the end, it really comes down to the question of whether a big donor: a) Gives with the expecta- tion of receiving special privi- leges and recognition, Or b) Wants to help sustain a quality of life for animals kept in captivity — some of which may not be alive other- wise If, as a major donor, the answer is “B,” then zoos can skip all the monkey business and stop wasting time and money providing special experiences and privileges; for those donors, the satisfac- tion of contributing to the welfare of animals is its own privilege. For donors who answered “A,” I personally volunteer to take them on a special behind-the-scenes tour of the petting zoo. Getting in will be compliments of yours truly! Getting out, however, is going to cost you... Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com Ada Grange Huff scholarship Ada Grange No. 570 is offering scholarship applica- tions for a Harley Huff Sr. Memorial Scholarship in the amount of $400. Graduating seniors are advised to request additional information from their counselor. Others may call 541-997- 4254 for details. Deadline for applications is April 1. Petersen Auto Detailing SERVING THE FLORENCE AREA Gift tes Certifi ca ! b a Avail le Andy Baber, AAMS® Financial Advisor . 1010 Highway 101 Florence, OR 97439 541-997-8755 www.edwardjones.com Protect Your Vehicle From Th e Elements! Wash • Wax • Detail Please Call or Email For An Appointment Trent Petersen Member SIPC 2285 Highway 101 • Florence, OR 97439 WINTER WINDOW TREATMEN T Keeps your windshield Frost Free! lasts two ye ars or 20,000 m iles. (541) 997-8866 Willamette Valley Arms Collectors Association Owner/Detailer 541-999-6078 PetersenAutoDetailing @Gmail.com Th e First Baptist Church Family SPRING GUN SHOW Invites you to join us Sunday nights at 6:00pm For a video study series : & DISPLAY “Exploring the Land of the Bible” (Includes Member Gun Collections) Saturday March 21st 9am to 5pm Sunday, March 22nd 9am to 3pm A T THE L ANE C OUNTY F AIRGROUNDS (in the Auditorium Building) FREE Parking • Eugene, Oregon Admission: $6.00 • Over 70, $3.00; under 12 Free (when accompanied by paying adult) 1935 East 25 th Street Call 541-997-7660 for information. Everyone is welcome. FREE for Active Duty with ID Elderberry Square Want Breaking News? More Photos? www.TheSiuslawNews.com Residential and Memory Care Community FRAA ART CENTER Munsel Lake Plaza (just north of Fred Meyer) Hours Open: Tues-Friday - Noon to 4:00 p.m. Phone: 541-999-0859 Elderberry Square is FAIR because it’s all about the CARE. Drop by and see us and compare! MARCH 2015 1 2 3 pm - 6 pm Oil Painting w/ Michael Wood 3 8 9 3 pm - 6 pm Oil Painting w/ Michael Wood 10 1 pm - 4 pm BeadWeaving Bracelet w/ Elaine Williams 11 12 10 am - 12 pm FREE DEMO: Woodcarving w/ Keith Garvey 1 pm - 4 pm Tangle in Color w/ Rosie Hill 13 15 16 1 pm - 2:30 pm Copic Markers w/ Rosie Hill 3 pm - 6 pm Oil Painting w/ Michael Wood 17 18 4 pm - 5 pm Speakeasy: 30 Day Challenge FREE 19 20 22 23 3 pm - 6 pm Oil Painting w/ Michael Wood 24 25 26 27 10 pm - 3 am Used Art Supply Sale FREE 3321 Oak St., Florence • 541-902-8821 Come and play with us Teresa Lofy tlofy@bmi.net 29 Voice your opinion! Submit letters to: Editor@TheSiuslawNews.com. BI-MART STORES FOR MORE INFO. CALL JOHN AT (541) 689-9829 • showdirector@wvaca.org For details, check our website at www.fraaoregon.org Worried about the high cost of memory care? Paying extra for unnecessary ‘bells and whistles’? 541-999-8632 $1 off coupons available at local area Gun Shops and all regional 30 3 pm - 6 pm Oil Painting w/ Michael Wood 31 4 5 6 7 9 am - 12 pm Oil Painting w/ John Leasure 2 pm - 4 pm Water Media w/ Silvia Trujillo 14 9 am - 12 pm Oil Painting w/John Leasure 2 pm - 4 pm Water Media w/Silvia Trujillo 3 pm - 5 pm 2nd Saturday Gallery Tour 21 9 am - 12 pm Oil Painting w/ John Leasure 2 pm - 4 pm Water Media w/ Silvia Trujillo 28 9 am - 12 pm Oil Painting w/ John Leasure 2 pm - 4 pm Water Media w/ Silvia Trujillo FREE EVENTS THIS MONTH: Wednesday, March 18th - SpeakEasy: Th e 30 Day Challenge Friday, March 27th - Used Art Supplies Sale PLEASE HELP US AND YOUR FELLOW ARTISTS. Bring your gently used arts and craft s supplies to the Art Center anytime we are open this month. (paper craft s, sewing, yarn, jewelry supplies, frames, paints, art supply tools, books, anything relating to arts or craft s) At the end of the month we will have a used art supply sale so others can purchase the supplies they need at a reasonable price, with the proceeds going to support the Art Center. Contact Bettie 503-910-3625 for more information. New Drop In Watercolor or Acrylic Class. Saturdays, 2-5 p.m. with Silvia Trujillo. $25 members/$30 nonmembers. Contact Silvia to register: 541-778-9543 or silvia@silviatrujillo.com