Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (March 11, 2015)
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11, 2015 9 A Congress gets recess, our kids get spring break — what about US? If you’re a student or edu- cator, you are probably get- ting excited about the approach of Spring Break! Wee-HOO! For students of all ages it means a week of crazy fun with little or no responsi- bility, whether you’re a fifth- grader planning a Spongebob Squarepants marathon to Bikini Bottom, or a college student planning a bikini bot- tom marathon of a different kind. with so much red ink your desk resembles a sacrificial altar. Seriously, are they learning NOTHING between Tweets in class?!? Even Congress gets what is referred to as “recess.” Let’s be honest: If I performed as poorly at my job as they have, I would get what is referred to as “fired.” That being said, for the rest of us, spring break holds about as much anticipation as trash day or a release date for “Frozen 2.” This is particularly true for those of us with teenagers at home, many of whom will openly mock us each day by selfishly sleeping in. Then, in an added display of thought- lessness, they will still be in their pajamas and deciding on breakfast when we come home for lunch! The audaci- ty! Especially since they mis- spelled “audacity” on their last quiz! No, the time has come to expand spring break to include everyone so we can all enjoy a week of unfettered fun. And naturally, when I say “everyone,” I realize there are certain positions that are so important to our infrastructure they can't shut down without causing the nation to crumble. So I’m sorry: cooks and bar- tenders, you’ll have to draw straws for Presidents Day. For the rest of us, however, a week of relaxation during the nicest time of year is going to be fantastic! No longer will Cancun, Panama City and South Padre Island be the exclusive destinations for drunken college students and creepy professors offer- ing extra credit assignments. No way! From now on, they’ll have to share those warm beaches with parents inflating eight-foot plastic sea mammals for their young children or, in some cases, their horrified teenagers. “We’re too old to ride a plastic Shamu!” they’ll protest. But Dad will continue undeterred, blowing into an air nodule located in a highly questionable area of plastic whale anatomy. This will of course be embarrassing to his teens, who are already morti- fied by the fact that Dad wore his swim fins to the beach and sand-whipped 30 sun- bathers en route to a relative- ly quiet spot near a keg draped with bikini tops. That’s when Mom and Dad will begin spreading suntan lotion on themselves as if cre- ating a protective layer against the Ebola virus, slathering every crevice before putting on matching Panama Jack sun hats. They will then hand the lotion to their sobbing teens, assuming they haven’t already run off to drown themselves in the surf. What if your kids are already in college with spring break plans of their own? No problem! Surprise them at the beach! Chances are they used your credit card to secure their travel plans anyway; how hard can it be to get a room at the same hotel? Imagine the laughs you'll share when they realize the person yelling at everyone to stop staring at his daughter in the bikini contest is DAD! Or the reason that group of girls keeps giggling every time you get near them is because Mom is showing pictures of you pointing to your very first armpit hair! Yes, I think the need to implement a National Spring Break Week is something we can all agree is long overdue. For those who don’t? I have two words for you: Summer school. Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com I N BRIEF Soroptimists selling roses to benefit local students The success of the 19th annual Florence Home & Garden Show was built on the efforts, creativity and support of many people. At this time we would like to thank those people, businesses and organizations. ~ Special Thank You ~ Gloria Cunningham & the Florence Garden Club The entire staff at the Florence Events Center Note of Appreciation to: Flowers by Bobbi, Vend West, Mo’s, Keri’s Dunes Café Dirk’s Big Dog Donuts & Deli, Florence True Value and St. Vincent dePaul’s ~ Vendors ~ ALOHA ENVIRONMENTAL LLC LEAFGUARD NORTHWEST AUTOMATIC HEAT LE BOUCHON PROVISIONS BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY HOME SERVICES MIDGLEYʼS STOVE AND FIREPLACE CENTER BLACK DIAMOND MJ CUSTOM WOODWORKING LLC BURCHʼS ROOFING INC N-HANCE WOOD RENEWAL CEDAR WORKS SPA OREGON FLAG & POLE CENTRAL COAST VACUUM OREGON PACIFIC BANK CENTRAL LINCOLN PUD OREGON STOVE WORKS & SPAS COAST PAVEMENT MAINTENANCE ORYGON HOME CENTER CONSTRUCTION CONTRACTORS BOARD PHELPS PAINTING INC CUTCO CUTLERY RAM JACK WEST DESIGN SOLUTIONS REBATH OF EUGENE DS JOHNSON ENTERPRISE RHINO CERAMIC COATINGS OF OREGON DYER SKYLIGHTS SAND RANCH GIBS RV INC SCENTSY HECETA SELF STORAGE SIUSLAW BROADBAND JOSH LOWEʼS DR ENERGY SAVER SUNVIEW SOLARIUMS KIMO DIPS SWEET DREAMS SLEEP THERAPY KITCHEN CRAFT ULTIMATE GARAGE FLOORS LAUREL BAY GARDENS WHISKEY CREEK ORGANICS Grand Prize Winners Our sincere appreciation and recognition of our 19 year partnership with Laurel Bay Gardens. Friday, March 6th: $100 .............Joe Mirvis $100............Don Martin Saturday March 7th: $100 ...Tamara Pohlman $200...........Shelley Hill $200 .Christine Delgado Sunday March 8th: $300...............Kai Ovist Their exhaustive effort annually to construct exceptional displays is critical to the overall success of the Florence Home and Garden Show. Sponsored by Tickets for the annual Soroptimist Rose Sale are available now through March 25 for $20 per dozen. Delivery will be April 29. Proceeds fund the scholar- ships awarded to local stu- dents. Roses can be delivered to the recipient at home or work. Tickets can be purchased from any Soroptimist or by calling Jo Hine at 541-997- 2233. Imel to teach self massage for eye care To learn new ways to care for your eyes, including the “Eye Bright Self Massage,” join Patricia Imel at Lane Community College, Florence Campus, March 12, from 9 to 10 a.m. To register, call LCC at 541- 997-8444. Library board to meet Friday The Siuslaw Public Library District Board of Directors will meet Friday, March 13, at 9 a.m., in the banquet room of the Pier Point Inn, located at 85625 Highway 101 in Florence, for its regular meet- ing. This will be followed by a board and staff retreat from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. in the same location. A complete agenda for both meetings is available online at www.siuslawlibrary.org. Coastal Women Vets luncheon Friday The Coastal Women Veterans will have its monthly luncheon Friday, March 13, at 11:30 a.m., at 1285 Restobar Restaurant, 1285 Bay St. in Old Town. All women who have served in any branch of the military are invited as well as their spouses or caregivers. Space is limited so prior reservations are required. For reservations, call Sharon Armstrong at 541- 999-5094 or email her at sarmstrong@msn,.com. Special performance at Baptist Church The Florence Home and Garden show has become one of the community’s largest annual social events. It would not happen without the cooperation, participation and effort of the many quality businesses in Florence. We also acknowledge the enthusiasm of our vendors from outside the area who truly believe that our community offers many unique opportunities and some of the friendliest people in the country. The show is the result of months of organization and the hard work of several individuals. We would like to extend our appreciation to all those who have helped establish the Home Show as a positive annual event that the entire community enjoys. We would like to acknowledge our outstanding staff, supportive family, friends, and especially all those who attended this year’s show. Jon Thompson/KCST Radio General Manager and John Bartlett/Siuslaw News Publisher During The Living Last Supper, meet the men who walk with Jesus. The one-time performance will take place Sunday, March 15, at 11 a.m., at The First Baptist Church, 1935 East 25th St. Everyone is welcome. For more information, call 541-997-7660. Firefighters to host annual Spaghetti feed March 17 The Siuslaw Valley Firefighters Association will host its annual spaghetti feed fundraiser on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17, from 4 to 7 p.m., at the SVFR main sta- tion, 2625 Highway 101. Meal will include spaghetti, salad, garlic bread and choice of lemonade or water. Dessert will be available for purchase. Cost is $8 for adults or $4 for children under 12. All funds raised will go to support the Siuslaw Valley Firefighters Association. Tickets are available from firefighters, at the station or at the door March 17. For more information, call SVFR at 541-997-3212. Tune in with West Lane Translators West Lane Translator, Inc. is a not-for-profit organization providing free television and radio re-transmission to the Florence area, including non- commercial radio station KXCR serving the Florence community. The public is invited to attend its semi-monthly meet- ing, Wednesday, March 18, at 6:30 p.m., in the conference room of KXCR Radio, 1509 Ninth St., across from the Siuslaw Public Library. Seniors can reduce car insurance AARP Driver Safety Program will be offered Wednesday, March 18, from 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., at Shorewood Retirement Apartments, 15th and Spruce streets. Cost for AARP members is $15; non-members is $20. To register, call LCC Florence Center, at 541-997- 8444. Port board meets March 18 The Port of Siuslaw Board of Commissioners will hold its regular meeting on Wednesday, March 18, at 7 p.m., at the port office, located at 100 Harbor St. in Florence. This meeting will include a public hearing for increasing moorage and campground fees. Port meetings are open to the public. Following the regular meet- ing, the Board will enter into executive session to evaluate the performance of the Port Manager. CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK If you’re an educator, it Ned means a student-free week Hickson away from grading papers