SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11, 2015
9 A
Congress gets recess, our kids get spring break — what about US?
If you’re a student or edu-
cator, you are probably get-
ting excited about the
approach of Spring Break!
Wee-HOO! For students of all
ages it means a week of crazy
fun with little or no responsi-
bility, whether you’re a fifth-
grader planning a Spongebob
Squarepants marathon to
Bikini Bottom, or a college
student planning a bikini bot-
tom marathon of a different
kind.
with so much red ink your
desk resembles a sacrificial
altar. Seriously, are they
learning NOTHING between
Tweets in class?!?
Even Congress gets what is
referred to as “recess.” Let’s
be honest: If I performed as
poorly at my job as they
have, I would get what is
referred to as “fired.”
That being said, for the rest
of us, spring break holds
about as much anticipation as
trash day or a release date for
“Frozen 2.”
This is particularly true for
those of us with teenagers at
home, many of whom will
openly mock us each day by
selfishly sleeping in. Then, in
an added display of thought-
lessness, they will still be in
their pajamas and deciding on
breakfast when we come
home for lunch! The audaci-
ty! Especially since they mis-
spelled “audacity” on their
last quiz!
No, the time has come to
expand spring break to
include everyone so we can
all enjoy a week of unfettered
fun. And naturally, when I say
“everyone,” I realize there are
certain positions that are so
important to our infrastructure
they can't shut down without
causing the nation to crumble.
So I’m sorry: cooks and bar-
tenders, you’ll have to draw
straws for Presidents Day.
For the rest of us, however,
a week of relaxation during
the nicest time of year is
going to be fantastic! No
longer will Cancun, Panama
City and South Padre Island
be the exclusive destinations
for drunken college students
and creepy professors offer-
ing extra credit assignments.
No way! From now on,
they’ll have to share those
warm beaches with parents
inflating eight-foot plastic sea
mammals for their young
children or, in some cases,
their horrified teenagers.
“We’re too old to ride a
plastic Shamu!” they’ll
protest.
But Dad will continue
undeterred, blowing into an
air nodule located in a highly
questionable area of plastic
whale anatomy. This will of
course be embarrassing to his
teens, who are already morti-
fied by the fact that Dad wore
his swim fins to the beach
and sand-whipped 30 sun-
bathers en route to a relative-
ly quiet spot near a keg
draped with bikini tops.
That’s when Mom and Dad
will begin spreading suntan
lotion on themselves as if cre-
ating a protective layer
against the Ebola virus,
slathering every crevice
before putting on matching
Panama Jack sun hats. They
will then hand the lotion to
their sobbing teens, assuming
they haven’t already run off
to drown themselves in the
surf.
What if your kids are
already in college with spring
break plans of their own? No
problem! Surprise them at the
beach! Chances are they used
your credit card to secure
their travel plans anyway;
how hard can it be to get a
room at the same hotel?
Imagine the laughs you'll
share when they realize the
person yelling at everyone to
stop staring at his daughter in
the bikini contest is DAD! Or
the reason that group of girls
keeps giggling every time you
get near them is because
Mom is showing pictures of
you pointing to your very first
armpit hair!
Yes, I think the need to
implement a National Spring
Break Week is something we
can all agree is long overdue.
For those who don’t?
I have two words for you:
Summer school.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to him
at nedhickson@icloud.com
I N BRIEF
Soroptimists selling
roses to benefit local
students
The success of the 19th annual Florence Home & Garden Show was built
on the efforts, creativity and support of many people. At this time we
would like to thank those people, businesses and organizations.
~ Special Thank You ~
Gloria Cunningham & the Florence Garden Club
The entire staff at the Florence Events Center
Note of Appreciation to: Flowers by Bobbi, Vend West, Mo’s, Keri’s Dunes Café
Dirk’s Big Dog Donuts & Deli, Florence True Value and St. Vincent dePaul’s
~ Vendors ~
ALOHA ENVIRONMENTAL LLC
LEAFGUARD NORTHWEST
AUTOMATIC HEAT
LE BOUCHON PROVISIONS
BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY HOME SERVICES
MIDGLEYʼS STOVE AND FIREPLACE CENTER
BLACK DIAMOND
MJ CUSTOM WOODWORKING LLC
BURCHʼS ROOFING INC
N-HANCE WOOD RENEWAL
CEDAR WORKS SPA
OREGON FLAG & POLE
CENTRAL COAST VACUUM
OREGON PACIFIC BANK
CENTRAL LINCOLN PUD
OREGON STOVE WORKS & SPAS
COAST PAVEMENT MAINTENANCE
ORYGON HOME CENTER
CONSTRUCTION CONTRACTORS BOARD
PHELPS PAINTING INC
CUTCO CUTLERY
RAM JACK WEST
DESIGN SOLUTIONS
REBATH OF EUGENE
DS JOHNSON ENTERPRISE
RHINO CERAMIC COATINGS OF OREGON
DYER SKYLIGHTS
SAND RANCH
GIBS RV INC
SCENTSY
HECETA SELF STORAGE
SIUSLAW BROADBAND
JOSH LOWEʼS DR ENERGY SAVER
SUNVIEW SOLARIUMS
KIMO DIPS
SWEET DREAMS SLEEP THERAPY
KITCHEN CRAFT
ULTIMATE GARAGE FLOORS
LAUREL BAY GARDENS
WHISKEY CREEK ORGANICS
Grand Prize Winners
Our sincere appreciation and
recognition of our 19 year
partnership with
Laurel Bay Gardens.
Friday, March 6th:
$100 .............Joe Mirvis
$100............Don Martin
Saturday March 7th:
$100 ...Tamara Pohlman
$200...........Shelley Hill
$200 .Christine Delgado
Sunday March 8th:
$300...............Kai Ovist
Their exhaustive effort annually
to construct exceptional displays
is critical to the
overall success of the
Florence Home and Garden Show.
Sponsored by
Tickets for the annual
Soroptimist Rose Sale are
available now through March
25 for $20 per dozen.
Delivery will be April 29.
Proceeds fund the scholar-
ships awarded to local stu-
dents.
Roses can be delivered to
the recipient at home or work.
Tickets can be purchased
from any Soroptimist or by
calling Jo Hine at 541-997-
2233.
Imel to teach self
massage for eye care
To learn new ways to care
for your eyes, including the
“Eye Bright Self Massage,”
join Patricia Imel at Lane
Community College, Florence
Campus, March 12, from 9 to
10 a.m.
To register, call LCC at 541-
997-8444.
Library board to
meet Friday
The Siuslaw Public Library
District Board of Directors
will meet Friday, March 13, at
9 a.m., in the banquet room of
the Pier Point Inn, located at
85625 Highway 101 in
Florence, for its regular meet-
ing.
This will be followed by a
board and staff retreat from 10
a.m. to 1 p.m. in the same
location.
A complete agenda for both
meetings is available online at
www.siuslawlibrary.org.
Coastal Women Vets
luncheon Friday
The
Coastal
Women
Veterans will have its monthly
luncheon Friday, March 13, at
11:30 a.m., at 1285 Restobar
Restaurant, 1285 Bay St. in
Old Town.
All women who have served
in any branch of the military
are invited as well as their
spouses or caregivers. Space is
limited so prior reservations
are required.
For
reservations,
call
Sharon Armstrong at
541-
999-5094
or email her at
sarmstrong@msn,.com.
Special performance
at Baptist Church
The Florence Home and Garden show has become one of the community’s largest annual social events. It would not happen without the cooperation,
participation and effort of the many quality businesses in Florence. We also acknowledge the enthusiasm of our vendors from outside the area who
truly believe that our community offers many unique opportunities and some of the friendliest people in the country. The show is the result of months
of organization and the hard work of several individuals. We would like to extend our appreciation to all those who have helped establish the Home
Show as a positive annual event that the entire community enjoys. We would like to acknowledge our outstanding staff, supportive family, friends,
and especially all those who attended this year’s show.
Jon Thompson/KCST Radio General Manager and
John Bartlett/Siuslaw News Publisher
During The Living Last
Supper, meet the men who
walk with Jesus.
The one-time performance
will take place Sunday, March
15, at 11 a.m., at The First
Baptist Church, 1935 East
25th St.
Everyone is welcome.
For more information, call
541-997-7660.
Firefighters to host
annual Spaghetti
feed March 17
The
Siuslaw
Valley
Firefighters Association will
host its annual spaghetti feed
fundraiser on St. Patrick’s
Day, March 17, from 4 to 7
p.m., at the SVFR main sta-
tion, 2625 Highway 101.
Meal will include spaghetti,
salad, garlic bread and choice
of lemonade or water.
Dessert will be available for
purchase. Cost is $8 for adults
or $4 for children under 12.
All funds raised will go to
support the Siuslaw Valley
Firefighters Association.
Tickets are available from
firefighters, at the station or at
the door March 17.
For more information, call
SVFR at 541-997-3212.
Tune in with West
Lane Translators
West Lane Translator, Inc. is
a not-for-profit organization
providing free television and
radio re-transmission to the
Florence area, including non-
commercial radio station
KXCR serving the Florence
community.
The public is invited to
attend its semi-monthly meet-
ing, Wednesday, March 18, at
6:30 p.m., in the conference
room of KXCR Radio, 1509
Ninth St., across from the
Siuslaw Public Library.
Seniors can reduce
car insurance
AARP
Driver
Safety
Program will be offered
Wednesday, March 18, from
10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.,
at Shorewood Retirement
Apartments, 15th and Spruce
streets.
Cost for AARP members is
$15; non-members is $20.
To register, call LCC
Florence Center, at 541-997-
8444.
Port board meets
March 18
The Port of Siuslaw Board
of Commissioners will hold its
regular
meeting
on
Wednesday, March 18, at 7
p.m., at the port office, located
at 100 Harbor St. in Florence.
This meeting will include a
public hearing for increasing
moorage and campground
fees. Port meetings are open
to the public.
Following the regular meet-
ing, the Board will enter into
executive session to evaluate
the performance of the Port
Manager.
CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK
If you’re an educator, it
Ned
means a student-free week
Hickson away from grading papers