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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 7, 2015)
8 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 7, 2015 Swearing-off caffeine has only led to one thing: More swearing Syndrome and, in the case of Ned Lizzy Borden, involuntary Hickson manslaughter. Today, like each day since the start of the new year, I’ve abstained from my morning cups of coffee — a decision I reached during a moment of weakness sometime around midnight on New Year’s Eve, after several glasses of cham- pagne. While this decision has possibly made me a healthier person, it has also made me a crankier one. This is due, in large part, to the decaffeination process itself, which can cause headaches, drowsiness, con- stipation, Tourette’s After doing some research, I realized that there was more to beating this thing than just dealing with the physical craving which, for someone who drinks coffee all day, is similar to the craving one might have for, say... Breathable air. I also had to take into account the mental aspect of my addiction — which is really about me having an excuse to leave my desk. On a good day, between coffee refills and trips to the bath- room, I can spend as little as eight minutes actually work- ing at my desk. Because of Luncheon set to benefit Mapleton Food Share An annual luncheon and game party benefitting Mapleton Food Share will take place Jan. 26, begining at 11:30 a.m., at the Florence Elks Lodge. Admission to the event will be $12, with lunch provided by the Elks Lodge’s chefs promptly at noon. There will also be door prizes, a raffle and table games. Any nonperishable food items will be accepted at that time for Mapleton Food Share. All proceeds will go to Mapleton Food Share. For more information or to register, contact Jan Naylor at 541-997-9396. this, it was clear that conquer- ing my physical addiction wouldn’t be enough. I needed a replacement beverage. Though I briefly enter- tained the idea of decaffeinat- ed tea, I decided against it. Mostly because I can never figure out what to do with the tea bag once it’s done steep- ing. Do I throw it out? Save it? Put one over each eye and take a nap? The truth of the matter is, men are not “steepers.” A man wants to wake up, fill his mug with something close to 8,000 degrees Fahrenheit and immediately drink it. A man doesn’t have time for steep- ing. In fact, he hardly has time to get to the hospital after drinking his 8,000- degree beverage. This left me with three viable alternatives: 1) Hot chocolate 2) Some kind of soy drink that, according to the label, can be consumed either hot, cold or as a grilled patty Or 3) “Postum.” After reading the label on the hot chocolate canister, I realized that, based on my average daily hot-beverage consumption, replacing coffee with hot chocolate would result in an estimated weight gain of just under 600 pounds in five weeks. This, of course, would defeat having an excuse to leave my desk since I would no longer be able to fit through the door of our home. I considered the soy-drink- patty-thing, but couldn’t get passed the idea of consuming something that can be ref- fered to as the soy-drink- patty-thing. This left me with “Postum” as my morning beverage of choice. For those who are unfamiliar with this product, it is a coffee alternative that is completely caffeine free because it is made from “all natural” ingredients like wheat, corn, sea weed, yarn, tree bark, bone meal and sim- ulated wood paneling, all of which is then ground up and allowed to “steep” before it is eventually freeze-dried to resemble Taster’s Choice. I’ve been drinking it for a about a week now, and it’s not all that bad. Still, I’m not convinced that Postum’s claim to be “The Truly Soothing Hot Beverage” is true. In fact, I’d KILL for some coffee right about now. Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com KRAB KETTLE 280 Hwy. 101 M 541-997-8996 Mon.-Sun., 10-6 Fresh CRAB Toni of Red Rose Catering is now CATERING to your pets! •Day Care •Overnight Care •Weekly and Monthly Service Open 7am-7pm Daily (after hours available) 24-Hour Caregiver on Site - Licensed and Insured 4370 Hwy. 101 North In the Florence RV Complex (next to Bi-Mart) 541-590-2466 - Shot Records Required A Taste of Florence Dining Guide Restaurant & Tea Room Featuring this week: Regular Menu: Crab Cakes Stuff ed Sole Shrimp Salad Ham-Apple Hot Sandwich Lamb Pasty Chicken Cordon Bleu Quiche of the Day French Press Coff ee Large Tea Selection Soups: Pea with mint Clam Chowder • Salmon Bisque 195 Nopal Street • 541-902-0502 1285 www.1285restobar.com Reservations Suggested. 165 M APLE S T . 541-997-9811• & " $ " # % ! Hours Tues-Sat: 11:30am-9pm WWW . MAPLESTREETGRILLE . COM www.spiceinfl orence.com Mo’s Hi, Welcome to ® Global & Northwest Fusion Cuisine ~ FEATURED LOW-CARB SELECTIONS ~ Every Month Mo's Grilled, has brought "Motivation SALMON: Poached, in or special Blackened for Kids" tables which raise money for local charities CHICKEN BREAST: Boneless, Skinless Breast of Chicken that are devoted to helping the wellbeing of local SHRIMP SKEWERS: 2 Grilled Shrimp Skewers children. This month CROW is the All of the above are served with Green Beans or local Mixed charity Steamed being Veggies honored. and a Shrimp Dinner Salad NEW By sitting at these tables ITEMS you help a specific local RIBS: charity each BBQ PORK Baby Back and Pork Ribs with the every time. We James thank Gang you BBQ for Sauce that! BLACKENED SALMON CEASAR SALAD Old Town, Florence • Daily 11 am - 8 pm Mo’s Town, Florence • Daily 11 am - 8 pm Serving Old Bowls of comfort for Over 50 Years ® Serving Bowls of comfort for Over 50 Years • 541-997-2185 Grand Opening Craving scrumptious Chinese food? Then the NEW LEE’S WOK Florence, OR is the place to be! • FINEST MEAT • FRESHEST VEGETABLES • VEGETABLE COOKING OIL • NO MSG Mention this ad and receive 10% off your meal! (does not include alcohol) Expires 01/31/15 1073 Highway 101 – Florence (Formerly China Bay Restaurant) 541-902-3524 • Open 7 days 11:30 am $ $ ! # ! " # Open for Lunch & Dinner • Lunch Specials Daily STEAKS – SEAFOOD – NOODLES Buy a Burger or Sandwich and get $3.00 off the Second one! (Equal or lesser value, elk burgers not included) Check out our daily $6.95 early bird special 7:00 am to 9:00 am (Monday through Friday) 435 Highway 101 541-902-2449 P ROVISIONS • Tuesday - Sliders & House Wine - $10 Lamb or Beef • Wednesday - Burger & Brew $8.50 Lamb, Beef or Chicken • Thursday - $4 Margaritas - $2.50 Tacos FAVES! WINTER SPECIAL! Shellfi sh Madness & Crab Encrusted Halibut OPEN TUESDAY-SATURDAY AT 3 P.M. • CLOSED SUNDAY-MONDAY FAVES! 541-997-1646 1269 Bay Street • Old Town Florence Surfside Restaurant On the Ocean W INE B AR & S ALES - D ELICATESSEN Locally Baked Pastries – Breads – Muffins Tell us you read it in the Siuslaw News and get an additional 5% off Wine Tasting Saturday & Sunday + + FAVORITE MEAL ALL DAY..EVERY DAY 2 Entrees for $14.00 Open 7 a.m. 7 Days a week 88416 1 st Avenue 541-997-8263 Like us on Facebook =