Heppner gazette., August 13, 1908, Image 3

A nnd llreak.
Wife Why did you glvo thnt plion
Ogrnpa nwny just before we were mar
ried? Didn't you think I could uho It'i
IIuHlmiid My deiir, I gave It uwity
to keep jioace. Don't you know that
'no houso Is big enough for two talking
uineliiiies?
And nt the Inst report he was still
trying to square himself. Detroit Free
Tress.
ItecownHlon.
"The men who devote their time To
the country's service should be recog
nized," said the official.
"Well," answered Fnrmor Corntnssel,
"some of 'ein should nnd others 'ud be
more respected If they could approach
the payroll In disguise." Washington
Star.
Less Lnvlnhness.
"Do you think your Insurance com
pany Is being conducted more econom
ically ?"
"I'm si.V of It," answered the hope
ful citizen. "It doesn't send mo nearly
ns many blotters and calendars us It
used to." Washington Star.
Uncle Allen.
"I've ohsorvt'd one thing about a foot
race," said Uncle Allen Sparks. "If you've
got any money up on the result it always
turns out differently from what you think
it's fcVng to."
Not Quite the Same,
Miss Ilute He told me once that I
was quite pretty.
Miss Cuellus Yes, he nlso told me
that you were quite pretty once.
Philadelphia Tress.
A great extension of the Siberian rail
road is proposed along the Hiver Amur,
and as it has met with hearty approval on
the part of the present ministry, it is like
ly to be constructed. It will open up 40,
000,000, acres of corn land.
State of Ohio, City of Toledo I
Lucas County. I BS'
Frank J. Cheney makes ontnthat he tssenfor
partner of the firm oi F. J. Cheney fc Co., doitix
business in the City of Toledo, County and State
aforesaid, and that Bald firm will pay the. sum
of ONE II I'NDKKI) DOLLARS for each and
every ease of Catarrh that cannot be cured by
the use of Hall's Catarrh Cure.
FRANK J. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and Kubsoribedin my rs
ewe, this Cth day of December A D lstyi.
S,.R1 A. W. GLi APOV,
(!,cal ' Notary Public.
Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and
acts directly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces of thesvstcm. Send forti'stinionlals free.
F. J. C1I KNEY & CO., Toledo, O.
Bold by all drunKlsts, 'r'.
Take !iall's Family Tills for constipation.
Iteiiellon.
Salesman Hat. sir? Yes; what kind
do yon wish to look nt?
Customer Well, my wife wears a Mer-
ry Widow affair. If you have something
thnt it; the exnet opposite of it, young
man, that's what I want.
Salesman Then you want a plug hat,
of course, with a black band around it.
That is the nearest we can come to a
Disconsolate Widower hat. Chicago
Tribune.
Clave It I'p.
"I'ncle Henry, how big a tarpon d!J
you ever cati'hV"
"Why, Sammy, once I hut how big t
tarpon did you ever hear of?"
"Seven feet ten inches is the record."
"I'm not going to try to beat that, Sam
my. I have only a few years to live, and
I want to go to heaven some day."
A Flnnncler.
Judge How many times have you
been arrested before?
Prisoner Five, sir.
Judge Then I shall feel it my duty
to impose the maximum tine "
Prisoner Put, your honor, isn't It
only fair to give a reduced rate to reg
ular customers? Judge.
Forestry in Korea is to he taken up by
the government under new forest laws,
said to have been enacted under a co-operative
agreement drawn up by Japan ami
Korea. It is also reported that a school
for training Korean foresters has been
established.
I'remiil it re.
Husband (on overland train) Yon
mustn't mind it, Maria, if I take several
doses of spirits during the day, from now
on. It's the only thing that will cut this
nlk.ili dust that pets into one's throat.
Wife You won't have to do it to-day,
John. I've been makincr some inquiries,
nnd I find we don't strike the alkali re
gion for 500 miles jet.
Aa Itevlaed.
Sail on. sail on, O ship of state!
Portland cemented, strong nnd great t
Humanity need have no fears;
Thou'lt go uncracked through all
years.
With rocky sides imperforate!
Chicago Tribune.
the
The AVlae Men.
"After nil, it's the wise man who can
change his opinion."
"Put the wisest men simply can't do
it."
"Why not?"
"P.eeause they've been dead for
years." Catholic Standard and Times.
Medicines containing Mercury are often given to persons suffering with
Contagious Blood Poison, and so powerful is the action of this drug that it
frequently removes the symptoms in a short while, and shuts the disease
up in the system to do greater damage to the delicate internal members.
When, however, the treatment is left off, the disease always returns, and the
patient finds that his health has been injured by this powerful mineral, and
lie is often left with weak stomach, disturbed digestion, mercurial rheuma
tism, etc. The action of S. S. S. is entirely different. It contains no
Mercury, nor any other harmful drug, but is made entirely of healing,
cleansing roots and herbs. It cures Contagious Blood Poison by removing
the virus from the blood. It searches out every particle of the poison
and does not leave the least trace for future outbreaks. S. S. S., in
addition to curing the disease, builds up and strengthens every part of the
body. Its fine tonic effects tone up the stomach and digestion, improve the
appetite and regulate the entire system. Home treatment book containing
valuable information about the different stages of the disease and any
medical advice desired sent free to all who write.
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., ATLANTA, GA,
The
General Demand
of the Well-informed of the World has
always been for a simple, pleasant
and efficient liquid laxative remedy if
known value; a laxative which physi
cians could sanction for family use
because its component parts are
known to them to be wholesome and
truly beneficial la effect, acceptable
to the system and gentle, yet prompt,
In action.
In supplying that demand with its
excellent combination of Syrup of
Figs and Elixir of Senna, the Cali
fornia Fig Syrup Co. proceeds along
ethical lines and relies on the merits
of the laxative for its remarkable
success.
That Is one of many reasons why
Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna Is
given the preference by the Well
informed. To get its beneficial effects
always buy the genuine manufac
tured by the California Fig Syrup Co.,
only, and for sale by all leading
druggists. Price fifty cents per bottle.
Ilia Unsy- Day.
"Ethel," he whispered, "will you mar
ry me?"
"I don't know, Charles," she replied,
coyly.
"Well, when you find out," he said,
rising, "send nie word, will you? I
shall be nt Mabel Hicks' until 10
o'clock. If I don't hear from you by
10 I'm going to ask her." Tld-Bits.
Onr Own Sllnsirpls,
Bones Mistah Johusing, kin yo' tell
me de diff'unce 'tween de dipplymatic
inte'eo'se o' fust class powahs nn' nine
cases o' measles in a cullud fambly?
Interlocutor Xo, George; that's the
hardest one I ever heard. What is the
difference between the diplomatic inter
course of first class powers and nine
cases of measles in a colored family?
Hones De one am de serious affairs of
state an' de uddah am a serious state
of affairs.
Interlocutor Ladies and gentlemen,
the premier vocalist of the western hemi
sphere, Mr. Splitcher Heerdrums, will
now sing the beautiful ballad entitled,
"Darling, Take Your Arm Away; Moth
er Is Peeping Through the Keyhole."
A Dellcloua Cimlnrd.
The recipe for this delicate dessert
has been handed down in my family
for many generations: Into each indi
vidual custard cup put the yolk of one
egg, adil one heaping teaspoonful of
sugar, two gratings of nutmeg nnd the
tnhlcspnonfuls of sweet milk. Incorpo
rate thoroughly and set the cups in a
pan of hot water, Hake in a moderate
oven until firm. When cool, cover with
a meringue, using the whites of th:
eggs for this purpose, nnd allow one
talilespoonf'ul of powdered sugar to the
white of each egg. Through the very
tiptop or eacn snowy niouim drop a
teaspoonful of orange marmalade. De
lineator. Hut Xficr mil II I in linrtj.
lie Funny thing about your sex.
Call a woman "a bird" anil she's pleas
ed. P. ut call her n hen or an old crow
and she gets angry.
She Nothing exclusively feminine
about that. Call a man "a sad dog"
nnd he feels irood. Put call him "a
miserable cur" the same thing and
he'll knock your head oil'. P.ostou
Transcript.
Knew One of the Firm.
Attendant (showing him through the
structure) This house is built on what
is known ns the "slow combustion" plan.
Mr. Pneuritch Ah, yes; I think I
know Slocuin. I have seen him at the
club ; but I have never hail the pleasure
of meeting Mr. Hustion. Chicago Trib
une. Brazilian railroads in operation a the
beginning of last year had a total length
of V),7Ti! miles. In addition there were
miles under construction and 4.177
miles being surveyed or already approved,
making the total mileage about lO.Soo
miles.
Saved Ity Tonintoe.
John Vaughn of Mercerville, a rural
letter carrier, was driving along a road
when an auto plunged into his light rig
from behind. Vaughn was tossed in the
air to alight in a load of tomatoes in n
wagon twenty feet ahead. His rig was
demolished, but the soft tomatoes saved
him from serious injury. The squash
ing of the tomatoes did not save
Vaughn from the ire of the wagon's
owner. The driver of the automobile
sped on with a grin. Kansas City
Journal.
In (he Concrete Age.
First Government Officer (a few year
hence) Anything particular on hand to
day? Second Government Officer Y'es; I've
got to go this afternoon to take part in
the molding of the corner stone for a new
battleship.
CONTAINS
oMO MERCURY
A MAN IN THE MAKING.
The story of Skaggles us it is told
by a writer in the Associated Sunday
Magazines Is very simple, but It goes
etruight to that spot In the heart that
is always waiting to respond to the
brave aud sweet things of lite. Skaggles
was not his name. Some one gave him
that title Uie third day after he took
the job. It was finally curtailed to
"Skag." When lie iirst came to the
oflice he litted like a mouse's tall in a
well; but he had an old look the look
of a burden beyond his years. He was
vvun and pale, and his nose was red
every time he came in from the weath
er. Ills shoes and stockings were ven
tilated beyond endurance to anybody
except a boy.
But Skag was a faithful worker at
first. Bright and early he swept the
oflice aud dusted the desks that is,
used the duster and by eight o'clock
he was over In his corner, his hair plas
tered back and his face washed, save
for the high-water mark about his neck.
But by degrees , Skag's enthusiasm
over his new position languished. The
clerks complained of unemptied waste
baskets and dusty desks. It was also
noticed that Skag's clothes were daily
growing more shabby, his hair longer,
his shoes more run over, and it was
evident that his mind was not on his
work.
A reprimand from the "boss" had the
desired effect. He became more punc
tual, took more interest in his work,
seemed cheery, and sometimes whistled
a little. But Skag's work was spas
modic. It was not long before he was
ns bad as ever. His work lagged, ne
was slow about getting round mornings,
and his Interest outwardly, at least
was of the wooden Indian variety. The
crowning aud final test of endurance
on the part of the oflice force came
when he went to sleep in his chair.
"Skag, come here"'
It was the boss. Skag shuffled into
the manager's private office, and sat on
the edge of a chair, nervous and
fidgety. The boss did not speak for a
minute his way of impressing a cul
prit. '
"Skag, this thing has gone far
enough ! You are not paying attention
to your work. Look at the dust on my
desk it's frightful. This is Monday.
I'll give you just one week. Saturday
winds you up unless you come out of
that trance. That's all."
Skag sniffed and shuffled back to his
chair, where he tugged at the seam on
his trousers and gazed vacantly out of
the window.
The next morning the oflice fairly
glistened, and all through the week
his work improved. The stenographer
even discarded her work sleeves, her
desk was so clean.
But no one noticed that Skag's face
was growing thinner and his eyelids
more drooping.
Saturday night, after five o'clock,
Skag stayed and cleaned up the office,
lie would be that much ahead when
Monday came.
Monday morning the office was ns
clean as a Dutch kitchen, but there was
no Skag. Noon arrived, and still no
Skag. at which the boss waxed wrathy.
"Jones, go up to the kid's house nnd
see what the trouble Is. Tell him If he
can't get here by two o'clock, he needn't
come at all."'
When Jones returned he went into
the manager's private office and closed
the dwr. Later he came out with a
long sheet of pajK'r in his hand. The
boss had headed the list with twenty-
five dollars.
"What brought it on?" asked the
stenographer.
"Exposure, and not enough to keep
body and soul together. The kid's been
sitting up nights with her for a month.
Funeral's Wednesday."
Skag is still working. He wears a
new suit. n:id the high-water mark
round his neck has disappeared,
they do not call him Skagde3
They call him by his right name.
And
now.
PrnctirliiK by Knr.
When (J rover Cleveland was practic
ing law in Buffalo one of his friends
was a lazy young lawyer wlm was for
ever iestering him with questions about
legal iHiints that he could Just ns well
have looked up for himself. Even
Cleveland's patience had an end. due
day as his friend entered he remarked:
"There are my books. Help yourself
to them. You can look up your own
case."
The lazy lawyer stared at him in
amazement
"See here. O rover Cleveland," ho
Bald Indignantly. "I want you to under
stand that you and your old books ean
go to thunder. You know very well
that I don't read law. I practice en
tirely by ear." Everybody's Magazine.
Tbc Illht Kind of a Ctrl.
Wedderly Can the girl you are en
gaged to swim?
Singleton I don't know. But why
do you ask?
Wedderly Because if she can you
ought to be happy. A girl who can swim
ran keep her mouth shut. Buffalo Com
mercial. A Kuiailment.
They said he'd make his mark 'monjrst
men.
It was a prophecy profound.
He bought himself a fountain pen
And when he shook It now and then
Made marks on every one around !
Washington Ftar.
When a locality Is rather short on
other resources, it is pretty apt to lay
claim to a remarkably healthful climate.
ALL RUN DOWN.
Miss Delia Stroebe, who had Com
pletely Lost Ilcr Health, Found
Relief from re-tuna at Once.
Read What She Says:
MISS BELLA STROEBE, 710 Rich
mond St., Appluton, Wis., writes:
"For several years I was in a run
down condition, and I could find no re
lief from doctors and medicines. I
could not enjoy my meals, and could
not sleep at night. I had heavy, dark
circles about tho eyes.
"My friends were much alarmed. I
was advised to give Peruna a trial, and
to my joy I began to improve with tho
first bottle. After taking six bottles I
felt completely cured. I cannot say too
much for Peruna as a medicine for
Women in a run-down condition."
Pe ru na Did Wonders.
Mrs. Judge J. F. Boyer, 1-121 Sherman
Ave., Evanston, III., says tha she be
came run down, could neither eat nor
sleep well, and lost flesh and spirit. Pe
runadid wonders for her.and she thanks
Peruna for new life and strength.
AUD F.. BCinO:';. Assaycr nr;
Ch3mlt,
: Ouid.
euuvillo, (.'olorifcuo. hpt'cuntm pnt(
PilviT, Lad, ft ; Gold, : 'liver, 7 m-; Ooid, 6urj Zinc or
Ckppfr,vl. Cani(i'j t'-M.ft. Mailing envelopes and
full price list rent oa application. Control and Um
pire work soliciluU. livltiruuctit Carbonate ia
Uunul Uuuk.
ill
III
ARRANGE TO STOP AT
THE CORNELIUS
PARK AND ALDER STS.
A New and Modern European Hotel, catering
particularly to State people. A refined place for
ladies visitintr the city, close to the shopping
center. Rates reasonable. Free Bui.
N. K. CLARKE, (late of Portland Hotel) Mgr.
A Rare Bargain
Douglas County Farm in the heart
ot the famous Shoestring Valley.
Sixty acres 45 acres c eared; 15
acres fir timber; soil rich and mel
low; no rocks; schoolhouFe J mile;
on county road; running water;
well; over 300 bearing fruit trees;
5-room log house, barn and other
out-buildings; two miles of fence;
full assortment farm implements;
all house furnishings; all crops.
Must sell, Price for everything.
$2,500. Address
MRS. O. A. DEARING
Room 419, Corbett Bldg., PorPand, Ore
P N U No. 3303
I
IIKN writing? to advertisers please
mention tins paper.
No Cuune for Alarm.
"Look, officer:" shouted the excited
citizen. "That big department store is
afire!"
"What makes you think so?" asked
the officer, calmly.
"Why, don't you see all those wom
an shoppers coming down the fire es
capes?" "Oh, yes; but that is not the sign of
fire. You see, they can't get through
the revolving doors with those bis
hats."
Xo Strauser to Thnt.
Mrs. Ilighnius 1 suppose at some time
in your life you struggled with the Nibe
lunpenlied? Mrs. Gaswell O, yes; I had an awful
sieae of that in I had to take all
kinds of nasty medicines before I got it
out of my system.
Kids aud Goals,
Dottle O-ooh ! What's this pic
ture? Tommy That's Capt. Kidd an' his
band o' piruts.
Dottle An' which is Capt. Kidd?
Tommy W'y, th' guy with th'
goatee, o' course! Cleveland Leader.
M. a. -1.1. . ... ... - . 'y,
AU'OIIOL 3 PER CENT.
ANcrjel.ilifern'nara.ionCirAs.
Is
sini!nii:i!tf:rrocG'3niRrfi;h
linsj liic Siomchs andlWls of
rromofcsDi$es!ionfhffrfur
ness and ResLContains rtcite
W;
Opniru.Morphine nor.Miucral.
Not Narcotic. .
a -
jtx.Seimn
Jhwrmmr-
fjrzr X'ed-
ft
AperfW-l Remrdv forCtasRp
tion . Sour Sloroach.Dlarr:
Worms .Convulsions .Feverish
ncss aud Lo ss OF SLmi
Facsimile Sijnarure of
NEW YORK.
c2
Guaranteed unk-r the tow
Exact Copy of Wrapper.
i
Wrl I 1
m Ljmmm m
Ir'T h I f. i . S f X.
F J . rrrj-.J 0
C'-oSi. : : 1 i -- '-
Eg? IMM
fc?2So Guaranteed unk-r tl r"ooJM
Working HI Pmletit.
Ambassador Wu Ting Pang was once,
it is alleged, telling about a certain
Beldsh politician. lie said: "The man
reminds me of a doctor of Shanghai. A
mandarin came to this doctor for ad
vice. He could not sleep, had no appe
tite, suffered a good deal from depres
sion and nevertheless was taking on
fat at an alarming rate. 'We'll soon
put you in condition again,' said the
physician. 'What you need Is exercise
good, hard exercise. Pour times a
week you can come here and put in the
morning polishing my floors.' 'But why
not my own floors?' the mandarin In
quired. 'Mine, said the physician, 'are
larger.' "
A ltnlil.lt nnd a "Whistle.
Did you know that a short, sharp
whistle from the mouth would stop a
rabbit? It surely does. Next time you
see little Molly Cottontail leap from her
burrow and make off don't shoot; just
whistle. Whether from fear or curios
ity I cannot tell, but she will stop still
in her tracks. An antelope has been
known to do likewise. An African
hunter once said that the elephant is
the most timid of all animals and can
be frightened Into a cold sweat by a
mysterious noise. New York Press.
CITC St. Vitas' Dnnco snd moiu ijimmwm prm
II I 3 neatly cared by Sir. i Ieio'h Grout None Ke
Btorcr. Semi for FREE $2.00 trml liottle nnd trentif.
Dr. B. II. Kline, Ld., SJ1 Arch St., fhiludeiptiia, la.
JVecessory Formality.
Mrs. t ergnson (joorge, what do you i
have to do when you want to draw some j
money out of a bank?
Mr. Ferguson You have to put some '
money In tne bank hetorenand. mat s
always been my experience.
Mothers will find Mrs. WIns1ows Boothlng
Byrui the begt remedy to use fox their ch.'liUru
iii ring the teethiug per.od.
In tne Literary 'Workshop.
"Brooks," said Kivers, who had been
struggling desperately with an idea for
more than half an hour, "give me a rhyme
for 'perfunctory.' "
"Sorry, old man," answered Brooks ;
"but there isn't any."
"Dash it 1" exclaimed Rivers.
Thereupon ho proceeded to do it in
blanket.v blank vprse.
v .;1 V
St. Helen's Hall, Portland, Or.
Resident and Day School for Girls.
Catalogue on Request
BUSINESS
PORTLAND.
miiim mwirrmn.imiWTir-- i mtwm mu wiilitimihw Tmm II imrMM 1
BEHNKE-WALKER STUDENTS SUCCEED. VHY?
They are Trained for business in a business-like way.
Why not enroll in a reputable school that places all of it3 graduates?
I, M. WALKER, Pres.
SEND FOR CATALOGUE
i turfs l ir-
! wmmmmmmmMmmm
MULE TEAM BORAX
by softening the water, cleans (he skin thoroughly, removes
odor oi perspiration and renders the skin soft and velvety.
AH dealers. Sample Borax, Booklet and Lace Centerpiece c'es'gn on cloth
J ready to work, lCc, of PACIFiC COAST BORAX CO., Oakland, Ca!.
' Local agents wanUnl. Write for money making plan.
I ill IllUfci
V. i
3
The Kind You Ilavo Always Eouglit, and which has been
in use for over 30 years, lias fcorno the signature of
and lias
2. fifyiinl Rtmnrvisirin sinon its infimnr.
'C&CtZ AKow no
-
All Counterfeits, Imitations and " Just-as-good" are but
Experiments that trillo Willi and endanger tho health of
Infants and Children Experience against Experiment.
What is CASTORIA
Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, 3Iorphino nor other Narcotic
Fulstance. Its ago is its guarantee. It destroys "Worms
nnd allays Peverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and "Wind
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Platulrncy. It assimilates tho Food, regulates the
Stomach and l.owels, giving healthy and natural sleep.
The Children's Panacea Tho mother's Friend.
ii
SI
Bears the Signature of
Tlie Kind You Have
In Use For Over
TMC CCNT.UII eOMMN. TT
I "
When the
Hair Falls
Then it's time to act! No time
to study, to read, to experi
ment! You want to save your
hair, and save it quietly, too!
So make up your mind this
very minute that if your hair
ever comes out you will use
Ayer's Hair Vigor. It makes
the scalp healthy. The hair
stays in. It cannot do any-
S tninz
. .
elsc. It's nature's way.
The beet kind of a testimonial
"Cold for over si.ty years."
Maue rjj, u. Arer Co., Lowell,
SARSAPARILU.
PILLS.
CHEilflY PECTOHAL.
Dei-p Sea Amenities.
The Oyster You're a good deal tougher
customer t'.:an I am.
The Clam That's all right. You do a
good deal erookeder shell game than I do.
A Bit of Advice.
This Is a bit of advice oifored by the
Gunnison Gazette:
Young man, if you should coma
across a girl who, with a face as radi
ant ns a sunflower, says as you appear
at the door, "I will be busy for half an
hour yet, for the dishes are not wash
ed," just squat right down on the door
step and wait for her, because soino
other chap may come along and secure
the prize, and right there you will have
lost an angel.
IS OUR MOTTO
Said an Employer: "Stick to quality.
It will win out in the end." We do
"stick to quality." That is the reason
our graduates are so thorough and in
such demand. Investigate our claims to
superiority. Catalogue, business forms
and peuwork free. Call, phone or write.
Portland liusincss College
Tenth and Morrison, Portland, Oregon
A. P. ARMSTRONG. LL. B.. PRINCIPAL
COLLEGE
f'RKGON
O. A. BOSSERMAN. Sec,
J"--''ig
i, Ainu .3m,
been made under his per-
ono to doroivn von in this.
ALWAYS
Always Bought
30 Years
tTSIIT, NC. TOSH CM
a
it a