Heppner gazette., April 16, 1908, Image 2

The Firm of
Girdlesfone
BY
A. CONAN DOYLE
CHAPTER X.
During the months which Ezra' Girdle
stone had spent in Africa the affairs of
the firm in Fenchurch street had been
exceedingly prosperous. Trade upon tin
coast had been brisker than usual, and
three of the company's ships had come in
! short intervals with excellent cargoes.
Among these was the Black Eagle, which,
t the astonishment of Captain Hamilton
Miggx and the disgust of his employer,
h.-id weathered a severe gale in the Chan
nel, and had arrived safe and sound once
More. This run of luck, supplemented "iy
(lie business capacity of the old merchant
and the indomitable energy of young
1 Hinsdale, made the concern look so flour
ishing that the farmer felt more than ever
convinced that if he could but stave 1
the immediate danger things would soon
riglit themselves. Hence he read wun
! light the letters from Africa, in which
his son narrated the success of the con
spiracy and the manner in which the min
ers had been hoodwinked. The old man'j
figure grew straighter and his step more
firm as the conviction grew uion hiiu
that the company would soon return once
again to its former condition of aftiuence.
It may be imagined, therefore, that
when the rumors of a bona fide diamond
find in the Orange Free State came to
his ears John Girdlestone was much agi
tated and distressed. On the same day
that he saw the announcement in thu
papers he received a letter from his son
announcing the failure of their enterprise.
After narrating' the robbery, the pursuit,
the death of Farintosh and the announce
ment of the new discovery, it gave an ac
count of his subsequent movements.
"As to our speculation, the letter said,
It is, of course, all up. Even when the
Russian business proves to be a hoax, the
price of stones will remain very low on
account of these new fields. It is possi
ble that we may sell our lot at some small
profit, but it won't be the royal road to a
fortune that you prophesied, nor will it
help the firm out of the rut into which
you have shoved it. My only regret in
leaving Africa like this is that Williams
will have no one to prosecute him."
This letter was a rude shock to the
African merchant. Within a week of ihs
receipt of It his son Ezra, gloomy a'ld
travel stained, walked into the sanctum
at Fenchurch street and confirmed a'l
the evil tidings by word of mouth. The
old man was of too tough a fiber to break
down completely, but his bony hands dol
ed convulsively upon the arms of tne
chair, and a cold perspiration broke out
upon his wrinkled forehead as he listened
to such details as his son vouchsafed to
afford hitn.
"You have your stones all saV.
hough?" he stammered out at last.
"They are in my box at home." said
Ezra, gloomy and morose, leaning against
the white marble mantelpiece. "We'll 'e
lucky if we clear as much as they cost
and a margin for my expenses and Lang
worthy's. A broken head is all that I
have got from your fine scheme."
"Who could foresee such a thing'" the
old man said, plaintively. '"ITie fall iu
prices is sure to be permanent'.'"
"It will last for some years, anywav,"
Ezra answered. "The Jagersfoutein
gravel is very rich, and there seems to be
plenty of it."
"And within a few months we must r---pay
both capital and interest. We nre
ruined!" The old merchant spoke in a
broken voice, and his head sank upon his
breast. "When that day comes," he con
tinued, "the firm which has been for thir
ty years above reproach, and a model to
the whole city, will be proclaimed as a
bankrupt concern. Worse still, it will be
shown to have been kept afloat for years
by means which will be deemed fraudu
lent. I tell you, my dear son. that "f
any means could be devised which would
avert this any means I should not hes
itate to adopt them. I am a frail o!d
man. and I feel That the short balance of
my life would be a small thing for me to
give in return for the assurance that the
work which I have built up should not be
altogether throwu away."
"Tour life cannot affect the matter -me
may or the other unless it were more
heavily insured than it is," Ezra said,
callously, though somewhat moved by uis
father's intensity of miinner. "Perhaps
there is some way out of the wood yet."
lie added, in a more cheerful tone.
"It's so paying, so prosperous that's,
what goes to my heart. If it had ruinei
itself it would be easier to bear it. out
it is sacrificed to outside speculations
my wretched, wretched speculations. That
is what makes it so hard." lie touched
the bell, end Gilray answered the sum
mons. "Listen to this, Ezra. What w.is
our turn over last month, Gilray?"
"Fifteen thousand pounds, sir," said th"
little clerk, bobbing up and down like a
buoy in a gale in his delight at seeing the
junior yiartner once again.
"And the expenses?"
"Nine thousand three hundred. I'ncom
mon brown you look, Mr. Ezra, to l.e
sure, uncommon brown and well. I hop js
as you enjoyed yourself in Africa, sir, anJ
was too much for them Hottentots and
Hoars.' With this profound ethnological
remark Mr. Gilray bobbed himself out of
the room and went back radiantly to his
nk-stained desk.
"Look at that," the old man said, when
the click of the outer door showed that
the clerk was out of earshot. "Over five
thousand profit in a month. Is it not ter
rible that such a business should go to
ruin? What a fortune it would have
been for you !"
"It must be saved!" cried Ezra with
meditative brows and bands plunged deep
Im hi trouaer pockeU. "There Is that
glrt's money. Could we not get the tem
porary use of it?"
"Impossible!" his father answered with
a sigh. "It is so tied up in the will thtt
she cannot sign it away herself until she
comes of- age. There is uo way of touch
ing it except by her marriage or by tier
death." t .
"Then we must have it by the only
moans open to us.'
"And that is?"
"I must marry her."
"You will?"
"I shall. Here is my hand on It."
"Then we are saved," cried the old man,
throwing up his tremulous hands. "Gir
dlestone & Son will weather the storm
yet."
"Rut Girdlestone becomes a sleeping
partner," said Ezra. "It's for my own
sike I do it and not for yours ;" with
which frank remark he drew his hat dowa
over his brows and set off for Eccleston
square.
-
One day, as Thomas Dimsdale was
making his way cityward at a rather
earlier hour than was customary with
him, he missed the usual apparition at th?
window. Looking round blankly in search
of some explanation of this absence, he
perceived in the garden ft pretty white
bonnet which glinted among- the leaves,
anc! on closed inspection a pair of bright
e,cs, which surveyed him merrily from
underneath it. The gate was open. .t
may be imagined that he was somewhat
late at the office that morning and on
many subsequent mornings, until tlw
clerks began to think that their new em
ployer was losing the enthusiasm for
business which had possessed hira.
It chanced that one morning the Inter
view between the lovers had lasted rather
longer than usual, and had been concluded
by Kate's returning to the house, while
Tom remained sitting upon the garden
seat lost in such a reverie as affects men
in his position. While thus pleasantly
employed, his thoughts were suddenly 're
called to earth by the appearance of si
dark shadow on the gravel in front of
him, and looking up he saw the senior
partner standing a short distance away
and regarding him with anything but an
amiable expression upon his face. He
had himself been having a morning stroll
in the garden, and had overseen the whole
of the recent interview without the pre
occupied lovers being aware of his pres
ence. "Are you coming to the office?" he
asked sternly, "if so. we can go together."
Tom rose and followed him out of the
gardens without a word. He knew from
the other's expression that all was known
to him, and in his heart he was not sorry.
His only fear was that the old man's
anger might fall upon his ward, and this
he determined to prevent. They walked
side by side as far as the station in com
plete silence, but on re-aching Fenchurch
street Girdlestone asked his young part
ner to step into his private sanctum.
"Now, sir," he satd, as he closed the
door behind him. "I think that I have a
right to inquire what the meaning may
be of the scene of which I was an invol
untary witness this morning?"
"It meanH," Tom answered firmly but
gently, "that I am engaged to Miss Ha--ston,
and have been for some time."
"Oh, indeed," Girdlestone answered
coldly, sitting down at his desk and turn
ing over the pile of letters.
During the long silent walk the mer
chant had been revolving' in his mmd
what course he should pursue, and he na:l
come to the conclusion that it was more
easy to guide this impetuous stream of
youth than to attempt to stem it. He did
not realize the strength of the tie that
bound these two young people together,
and imagined that with judgment and pa-
trence it might yet be snapped. It was.
therefore, with as good an imitation of
geniality as his angular visage would per
mit of that he answered his companion's
onfession.
"You can hardly wonder at my being
surprised." he said. "Such a thing never
entered my mind for a mnment. 1 ou
would have done better to have confided
in me before."
"I must ask your pardon for not hav
ing done so.
As far as you are concerned," said
John Girdlestone affably, "I believe you
to be hardworking and right principled.
Your conduct since you joined the firm
has been everything that I could desire."
Tom bowed his acknowledements. much
pleased by the preamble.
With regard to my ward, continued
the senior partner, speaking very slowly
and evidently weighing his words, "I
could not wish for her to have a better
husband. In considering such a question
I have, however, as you may imagine, to
consult above everything eles the wishes
of mv dead friend, Mr. John Harstou. the j
father of the young lady to whom you say I grandfathers, objects of curiosity ln
you are engaged. A trust has been repos- J their shops or homes, except in the far
ed in me, and that trust must, of course, j West, when- the life of 177G was still
be fulfilled to the letter." i pinK iVel. The result was that ln
"tk-rtainly," said Tom. wondering in his j t,)p Ejfif t,)p so,ltllPrn tr(M),,s were gen
own mind how he could ever have brought j vi(.,orifms for a (ple of years
himself for one moment to think evil of . - . . .
L;.nr i,. ; until the northern troops learned to
"It was one of Mr. Harston's most
eiearly expressed wishes that no words or
even thoughts of such matters should be
allowed to come in his daughter's way un
til she had attained maturity, by which
he meant the age of one-and-twenty."
"But he could not foresee the circum
stances,'' Tom pleaded. "I am sure that
a year or so will make no difference in
her sentiments in this matter."
"My duty is to carry out his instruc
tions to the letter. I won't say, however,"
continued Mr. Girdlestone. "that circum
stances might not arise which might in
duce me to shorten this xrohationary pe
riod. If my further acquaintance with
you confirms the high Impression which I
now have of your commercial ability, that
of course would have weight with me;
and again, if I find that Miss Harston's
mind is made up upon the point, that also
would influence my judgment."
"And what are we to do in the mean
time?" asked the junior partner anxious
lj. "In the meantime neither you nor your
people must write to her, or speak to her,
or hold any communication with her
whatever. If I find you or them doing
so. I shall be compelled, in justice to Mr.
Harston's last request, to send her to
some establishment abroad where she
shall be entirely out of your way. My
mind is irrevocably made up upon that
point. It is not a matter of personal in
clination, but of conscience."
"And how long is this to last?" cried
Ton.
"It will depend upon yourselves. It
you prove yourself to be a man of honor
in this matter I may be inclined to sine-,
tion your addresses. In the meantime,
you must give me your word to let it rest,
and neither to attempt to speak to Miss
llarston nor to see her, nor to allow your
parents to communicate with her. The
Inst condition may seem to you to be
hard, but, in my eyes, it is a very impor
tant one. Unless you can bring yourself
to promise all this, my duty will compel
me to remove my ward entirely out of
your reach, a course which would be pain
ful to her and inconvenient to myself."
"Hut I must let h:r know of this ar
rangement. I must tell her ttiat you noia
out hopes to us on condition that we keep
apart for a time
"It woud be cruel not to allow you to
do that," Girdlestone answered. "You
may send her one letter, but, remember,
there shall be no reply to it."
"Phiinlr mil fiir thntllf VOU
Tom
cried, fervently. "I have something to
live for now. This separation will but
make our hearts grow fonder. What
change can time make in either of us?"
"Quite so." said John Girdlestone, with
a smile. "Remember, there must be no
more walking through the square. You
must remain absolutely apart if you wish
to gain my consent."
in, : i ,j .,..,. l,n,t tint T will
nmmise to do it.' What would I not
promise which would lead to our earlier
"That is settled then. In the meantime,
1 should be obliged if you would go dowa
to the docks and look after the loading of
the transferable corrugated iron houses
for New Calabar."
"All right, sir, and thank you for yonr
kindness," said Tom, bowing himself out.
He hardly knew whether to be pleased or
grieved over the result of his interview;
but on the whole, satisfaction prevailed,
since at the worst it was but to wait for
vear or so, while there seemed to be
some hopes of gaining the guardian's con
sent before that. On the otner nana, no
had pledged himseTT to separate from
Kate, but that would, he reflected, only
make their reunion the sweeter.
When the hour of luncheon arrived no
thought of food was in the lad's head,
but, burying himself in the back parlor
of a little Blackwall public house, he call
ed for pen, ink and paper, ana proceeaea
to indite a letter to his sweetheart. Never
, -
was so mncn love anu .
the narrow boundary of a single envelope.
Tern read it over after he had finished,
and felt that it feebly expressed hla
hit thoughts: but then, what lover ever
yet did succeed in getting his thoughts
satisfactorily represent, uu Z1''
naving posiea mis enusiun, m
had carefully explained the conditions im-
posed upon him, lorn xeu ronslu.e''
more light-hearted, and returned with re-
neweo v gor Z tot
so Utisfied had he seen John Girdlestone
receiving that same letter from the hands
of the footman, and reading it arterwaros rest a diock or ieaa or ueaauucn "-.-in
the privacy of his bedroom with a sar- ory, to receive and distribute the con
donic smile upon his face. Still less con- cussion, to preserve the pipe from de-
tented would he have been had he beheld
the merchant tearing it into sman irag-
ments and making a bonfire of it in his
capacious grate. Next morning Kate look-
ed in vain out of tne accustom w.u-
i nhari r -v tail
aow, ana was sore i "
figure appeared in sight, and no friendly
hand waved a morning salutation.
(To be continued.)
HOW TO WIN BATTLES.
Men Who Hit What They Shoot at
the Determining Factor ln War.
Other things being equal, good shoot
ing is the determining factor in war.
Poorlv drilled and hastily organized.
bodies of men can give a good account
of themselves if they know how to
shoot and hit what they shoot at.
In our war for independence, says
a VnuiT 1 .1 f e tlie colonists
were woodsmen." They carried and
used their arms to supply their homes
with fowl and to protect them from the j
savage. As marksmen they vastly out- the claim of English shepherds that
classed the British, and that more than ( succulent feeds are necessary ln secur
anythlng else gave Washington the ing a good finish on lambs, but the
final victory. I above experiment Indicated that while
Again, in our great Civil War mark '
ii.o t.ffwt nt irener.il knowledge of
firearms. In the South were sporting '
people. They were fond of riding and
hunting. Shooting at tarket and at
game entered into their sports and
pastimes. The Xirth was commercial.
Its men knew little or nothing of
firearms save the flintlocks of their
shoot. What little success the North;
! bad was in the West, where they were-
I little better than a standoff.
Hail
What
ni-lortnril.
kind of a
Askltt
man Is
Hyker?
Noitt Oh. I guess he's all right
now, but he was engaged In a shady
business a few years ago.
Askitt What was the nature of th
business?
Noitt He manufactured awnings.
HfiDfai "tannMiion.
Miss May I Hipp-1 Just can't bef. to
walk out In the wind; it roughens my
complexion so.
Miss Pert Mabe your complexion's
too thick; if yonil put It on thinner If
might not do that.
If The? Did.
T would be a blessing without price
The lesson thus to teach.
If all the folks who give advice
Would practice what they preach.
Cleveland Plain Healer.
Pa' laaaiaratlon.
T !!. VilliSit fa If r. 3
: ,', i""'tr
greyhound?
Pa No, my son ; the airship la
tha sky-terrier class.
la
U
llnmniBilfi Pnit nm Well Driver,
Posts mav be driven with speed, and
economy on many farms, if well sharp-
ened and the right method Is followed.
A real post driver Is one of the most
easily made things and one of the
most useful that a farmer can get up.
Uprights are bolted across to a sled,
or a rough plank sled may be made for
the purpose.
j The standards may be 12 or 15 feet
uar
hlirh. To them la hoi ted a cross
which snrmorts the hoist for the
welch t. For this a block of iron or
lead weighing not less than 25 pounds
iniimt'ho nhtninori nnrl it must have a
I . . . . - it t. - lt4-1
staple or ring in It so it may be lifted.
The post is placed where It Is to be
driven and the weight lifted and al
lowed to fall on it. A little practice
POST OB WELL DRIVER.
in .i -
wIU Mlble one t0 drlve ln gou
tfaat tQQ The ,g ugefu,
also in putting down driven wells.
! 'erred. The lengths should not be
over 6 feet. The first pipe to be driven
must Have a point of iron or stee.
Any blacksmith who is an expert at
welding can readily make a point solid
m ine ena or tne P15' ana uien
numerous -mcn holes in it ior iue
flrgt 18 ,ncneg of lts iength nDOve the
point Before driving a coupling must
be dowQ UgM flnd fagt Qn tfae
thread that is to connect it to its mate,
so the thread may not be Injured Also
on top of this coupling must always
, itructlon.
The Dlre Is driven the same as a
another length being attached as
fas(. aJJ on, lg 8unk ln tQe ground One
be f tten . Each
length of pipe must be threaded so long
that It screws Into the coupling and
rests (buts, they call It), on the end
of the pipe beneath It. This prevents
splitting the coupling and leaky Joints.
Julius Brown, in Farm and Home.
Experimenting with Lambi.
The Iowa Experiment btation re
cently marketed some lambs that had
been fed to determine the value of dif
ferent rations. Lot one was fed man
geis i0t two sugar beets, lot three corn
silage and lot four grain and alfalfa
There was no material difference in
the condition of the lambs In lots one
o n r t,f nt tho flnlah While the lot
gIven corn silage was "in better shape
than the one given sugar beets. It was
not as good as lots one and four, it Is
the lambs fed such feeds made better
trains than others, there was not
enough difference to warrant the buy
ing of such feeds.
Seed Per Acre.
It will require 3 bushels of oats to
seed an acre; barley, 2 bushels; tim
othy, 6 quarts; tobacco, 2 ounces; blue
grass, 2 bushels; clover, white and al-
sike, G to 8 pounds; clover, red. 8 to 10
quarts; clover, Lucerne or alfalfa, 15
to 25 pounds; red top, 1 to 2 bushels;
millet, V-i to 1 bushel ; orchard grass, 2
bushels ; buckwheat, Va bushel ; broom
corn. 1-3 bushel; corn, broadcast, 4
bushels; corn. In hills, 4 to 8 quarts;
corn, ln drills, 2 to 3 bushels; popcorn,
2 quarts; sweet corn, quarts; peas,
garden, 2 to 3 bushels; potatoes, 10 to
12 bushels; rutabagas and turnips, 1 to
2 pounds; mixed lawn grass, 3 to 4
bushels; rye, 1 to 2 bushels; vetches.
2 bushels; wheat. lVa to 2 bushels.
Should Re More IledKeroir.
There ought to be more hedgerows
than there are on central western
farms, for when grown they not only
serve as a fence which will turn live
stock, but provide birds which nest ln
shrubs the best possible protection dur-
line the summer season. Of all his
frimi, in the animal kingdom outside
of tne farm animals none render the
fanncr more valuable service than the
many birds which range over his land.
nn(i he is not only doing them a kind-
ness. but helping himself In a very
definite fashion. If he so manages
things that they can have as many
nesting places as possible.
Exhausting the Soli.
When a country has been farmed for I
forty years or more strictly on a grain-
farming basis, things begin to iook
11mA rftna I
'
ly; and. as
hTe heon raI,ed extensive:
a rule, where mich short-sighted meth-
Af f-rmln are In nractle the r.lii. I
. m t. cir-n mil. hvi
u '
"w o Maintain the Fertility.
It Is a noted fact that where gumes
are grown on land say two-fir bs of
the time, which certainly should be the
case, the nitrogen supply Is held. It is
also well known that the feeding of
tne croI9 Srown on
the same farm, the
proper care of the barnyard manure,
and its application to the lands, will
return all the fertilizing ingredients
with the exception of such as compose
the animal body, and such other prod-
ucts as wool, cheese and butter as are
sold from the farm. They are actually
lost to the soil forever. This loss is
represented on phosphorus and potassi-
um compounds, and can be supplied in
three distinct ways only. I hey can
be purchased In the form of feeding
stuffs for farm animals, finding their
way to the soil through the manure;
r. they may be secured directly by
commercial fertilizers; and again by
the subsoil running down to a depth of
3 or 4 feet from the surface.
Roots of all crops go down into the
soil from 2 to 6 feet, and take directly
the ingredients from the subsoil, and
upon their decay tend to Increase its --uieer: ies, uui u ism as bun
porosity. This assists the capillary ,ous as tho mistake that politics makes
movements of water, which reacts as
an agent to carry fertilizing Ingredi
ents as they become soluble In the low
er soils up to near the surface, where
they are readily available to the feed
ing roots of succeeding crops.
For Picking; Cherries
With the aid of an Improved fruit
gatherer designed by an Indiana man.
the most delicate of small fruits, such
as cherries, can be
severed from their
stems without mutila
tion. Infecting or soil
ing of the fruit in the
least, and without the
necessity of the hands
of the person coming
in contact with the
fruit. As shown ln the
illustration, the gath
erer Is of a size to be
easy manipulated by CLIPa orr rBUir
the hand. In one end Is an opening,
to freely admit the fruit, a stationary
blade and a movable blade being placed
in advance of the opening. By this
novel arrangement of the fixed blade
and the disposition of the movable
blade and its arm. the movement of
the one b)ade past he De8,Je9
effectively severing the stems, tends to
Impel the severed fruit Into the open
ing. In practice the device Is held in
either hand, and as the stems of the
fruit are cut it slides down the Incline
and Into the receptacle. When the lat
ter Is filled the contents are easily dis
charged through the hinged lid at the
end.
Be on the Safe Side.
If the herd milk Is separated on the
home farm and only the cream sent to
the factory there Is no danger of the
patrons getting an Infected supply of
skim milk from a source outside their
own farms. The farm separator will
protect him from acquiring tubercu
losis from the neighbor's herd, which
may be spread through the medium of
the skim milk returned from the cream
er-, t armers and dairymen who are
feeding young stock the creamerv
skimmed milk should bv all mpnn
have a ?1 f Parator and by so doing
Insure their herd against infection.
F. L. Itisley.
Odds and End.
Sheep growers near Hosoburg, Ore.,
are offering $40 per head for every coy.
ote killed.
There are more than six and a half
million of farm families in the United
States, and they produce enough food
for themselves and the other 12,000,000
families who live in the cities and
towns.
The telephone Is now being largel
used In the country districts for the
benefit of the bedridden persons, who
are connected with church pulpits and
are thus enabled to hear the sermon
and singing.
Luther Burbank's thornless cactus,
which promises to be a valuable forage
plant, grows to a length of about three
feot by one foot wide, three Inches
thick, and has a surface similar to that
of a watermelon.
A twenty-three-acre apple orchard re
cently sold by John Touchette of Ocn-
tervllle. 111., for $25,000 cash. The or
chard is twenty-one years old, and its
annual crop has brought from $5,000 to
$8,000 for several years.
A bill has been Inlroducod In Con
gress to establish postal savings banks
which are to pay 2 per cent to the de-
posltors and to be under the supervis
ion of the Postmaster General and Sec
retary of the Treasury.
Expert peach growers of Michigan
say that the hard freeze of last year
will prove a benefit, as It really cleared
out and rid the State of hundreds of
worthless orchard New ones will be
planted to take their place.
The International Harvester Com
pany hns been found guilty on forty-
two counts by a Kansas Jury at Tojeka
ror violation oi me trust law. The
penany is i,"oi on eacn count, but
the company has taken an appeal.
,ew Lngiand farmers make aroort
money by selling ferns, which erow 1 ,
nljintt fullw In f Vi rt . K t. . I
ers r,re paid 40 cents per 1.000. tied un 1
In bunches of twenty -five and delivered !
.t the railroad ahitlnn A ;
nnw i, ,mA . ... i I
Farmer Sauashlelgh I bad a lettet
'., t.,i, ,.,.n,.r,. vnutnnlnv Fnr.
M Wuyback1Iow lliudl aid he
8trfke for?Souu.rvllle journal,
, ......
' "yu dou 4 "Sree the., that seein
' sieving? Not much! I see
Bome I)eoPJe ever l" 11 UCVCI
couia believe. rnuaueipuia rrcss.
Friend I suppose the baby is ronu
of you? PapaFond of me? Why, he
sleeps all day when I'm not at home
and stays up all night just to enjoy my
, ocIety ! Town and Country.
"John, do you love me?" "Yes."
"Do you adore me?" "I s'ltose." "Will
you always love me?" "Ye look here,
j woman, what have you gone and or
dered sent home
now?" Louisville
, Courier-Journal
Finnegan These scales Is no good
fur me at all, at ail. They only weigh
heft q( an , wejgh
near to 250. Flanagan Well, man
alive, can't ye git on thlni twice?
Philadelphia Ledger.
"Don't you think that some men
make a mistake iu adopting politics as
In adopting some men as lis represent
atives." Washington Star.
"You paid that man a great compli
ment when you elected him to office."
"Yes," answered Fanner Corutossel,
"an' the compliment sort o' started a
habit. He has exieeted everything
?ouiplimentary ever since." Washing
ton Star.
Wilkins Blinks says he does not
know you at all. Biikins I'm not sur
prised. He never sees me, you know.
Wilkins But I thought you were mem
bers of the same church? Bilklns
Yes, but I Invariably take up the col
'eetlous. Mr. Green No, my dear; I will not
tell you what I'm going to give yon
for your birthday. Why can't yon
women be content to wait and enjoy
teing surprised? Mrs. Green Oh, tell
uie now! If you keep your word, I'll
e surprised enough.
"If you marry Grace," exclaimed ai
Irate father to his son, "I'll cut you off
without a penny, and you won't have
so much as a piece of pork to boll ln
the pot." "Well," said the young man.
'Grace before meat." And he imme
diately went In search of a minister.
His Fiancee Oh, yes, It's lovely be
ing engaged to you, Jack. But I d
wish you were a rich man, dear. He
How rich, darling? His Fiancee
Oh, rich enough for me to be able to
snub the people I detest and still have
them call me amiable. Ixuidon Opln-
on.
"And now. Uncle Ezra." she said
Just before the guests had begun to
arrive, "please remember not to eat
your pie with your knife." "Ail right,
Lizzie, but I wish you'd tell that young
woman that waits on the table to give
me an extry spoon." Chicago Kecord-
Herald.
First Stranger Excuse me, but that
Is my umbrella you have. Second
Stranger I don't doubt It. Just wait
till I call a policeman. First Stranger
What for? Second Stranger Bur
glars broke Into my house the other
night and left this umbrella. Ex
"hange. Oil Magnate Ah, my boy, a million
aire's position is a hard one. Skeptical
Friend As to how? Oil Magnate If
I hoard my wealth, they say I'm a
skinflint, and If I try to give money
away they say I am trying to ease my
guilty conscience. Louisville Courier
Journal. Wife (angrily) Well, there's no
use ln arguing the matter any longer.
When I set my foot down, that covers
the entire ground. Husband (calmly I
I wouldn't make It quite that strong,
my dear, but your foot certainly does
cover a good deal of ground. Ex
change. Disgusted Wife Say, nlggah, ebe
sence Ah married yo' yo's dun nutlin
'cept sit round de house. Doaii yo'
eber feel enny ambishlon? Lazy Hus
band Ah feels anibisliion w'en All's
sittin' round hyah, honey, but Jes' 's
soon 's Ah stahts ter wo'k Ah gits dis
couraged. Judge.
The family were discussing the com
ing wedding of the only daughter. "Of
course," said the bride to be to her fa
ther, "you will give me away?" "I'm
afraid I have done it already, my
dear," he replied. "I told (Jeorge only
this morning that you had a disposi
tion just like your mother's."
The elevated railroad guard resign
ed his position as an usher lit the
'church.
It mixed me all up," he said.
"When I was showing people Into the
pews on Sunday morning I'd tell 'em
to step lively, and once or twice I
started to take up a collection in the
smoking car." Chicago Tribune.
On coming home front church on
Sunday Archie's mother asked him how-
ho Uwl ,t, nd Archie said it was fine.
"What do you like most It. the
church?" asked his mother. "Well, the
best part Is where they pass around
the money," nnd, turning to his father.
said: "How much did von -t?
I got
a dime
Arboreal.
son In-law has a family
"So your
.vAT' , ""l C' ?Ut
V ' ' U B"me OI u"
Alnprlonn rt''a ren t going about
tne work of preserving the forestB tin
right way." Washington Star