Heppner gazette., April 18, 1907, Image 2

Tthe charity ami (
I By EFFIE A. ROWLANDS I
CHAPTER X.
1. .nrltr as nossible the followi
tnorning. Sheila Fraser ordered her horso
donned hor habit, and, witnoui wami
for breakfast or groom, left home m h
i vaiirion1. She wanted to I
be
-first at an interview with the duchess.
Jkluch depended on how she acted now.
"If I can just drop a few hints, and so
pi-ejudiee her against that girl, not all
Jdrs. Fraser's sweetness, or her daugh
ter's artfulness, will have much avail. 1
am a rich woman ! I never felt so glad
of mv money before."
Shi had diverged a little from the or
dinary route to Craiglands, because there
was a better road by so doing, and as
she trotted along fleetly, she suddenly
cr.me upon a dog cart, in which was seat
ed Beverley Koch-fort, looking wonderful
ly handsome in Lis fur-lined coat.
"Miss Fraser, this is an unexpected
jilrasure." he sard, as he lifted his hat
and motioned the groom to take the reins.
"'You are out early."
"I am going to Craiglands, to make In
quiries," she said curtly.
Beverley only smiled, but she saw at
once that he attached a good deal of
meaning to this hasty ride. He got
-down from the cart.
"Drive up an.1 down until I am ready.
Joces," he commanded, as he walked up
to Sheila's horse and stroked the smooth
neck. "Is there, then, so much cause
for anxiety?" he asked. "Are you nerv
ous about Lord John. Miss Fraser?"
Sheila pursed her lips. She resented
his manner, and she did not quite under
stand it, either.
"I feel that it would be altogether a
pleasant and a wise arrangement if you
and I called ourselves friends," Beverley
said, after a slight pause. "We have so
much in common."
"I don't think I understand you,"
Sheila was startled into saying.
"I must try and explain myself clear
ly I know the reason of your hurried
visit to Craiglands. It is not sympathy
that takes you there, but something more
akin to self-interest. Oh! do not be
angry, there is no occasion, for, my very
dear young lady, I think you are perfect
ly right You see, although I do not
credit you with any great amount of
sympathy, I have plenty myself. Be
lieve me, I am quite sincere. Just now,"
Beverley went on, "I said I thought it
would be not only a pleasant, but a wise
thing for you and I to become friends.
Union is strength, you know, Miss Fra
er ; a good old maxim."
"Don't you think you had better leave
conundrums alone, and speak out
straight, Mr. Rochfort?"
"I will," he answered, quietly. ''Sheila,
we are both persons of determination and
ambition. My ambition takes one form,
yours another; but on one point we are
.alike we would sacrifice much to gain
ur ends; would we not?"
Sheila's cold gray eyes flashed as she
'nodded her head.
"You hate the girl ; I hate him ! You
are determined that John Glendurwood
shall make you his wife; I am as equal
ly determined I shall make her mine. Ar
sriveii so far, the rest should be easy."
; S&eila drew a sharp breath. She loath
ed him for his shrewdness In having read
her mind so clearly, but his words had
brought a new aspect altogether.
"It is for you to suggest," she said,
speaking swiftly and in low tones. "As
you said just now, union is strength,
and so "
"So you agree to be friends, eh?" Bev
erley smiled.
He had never had the smallest fear of
failing. He had not watched Sheila so
rarefully these past days for nothing. He
held out his hand as he spoke and Sheila
nn her into it.
"Have you any plans?" she asked, ab
ruptly. She was no longer so eager to
He roup. One elimnse at this man's smil
ing, handsome, evil face told her that he
would do nil he wished. Even m the
midst nf the satisfaction that came with
a rush, she could not repress a feeling
f jealousy and envy that tie should love
Audrey and be indifferent to her. Sheila.
"I will tell vou more when I return
from London. My journey there Is not
wholly unconnected with this matter.
And now. I think I must say 'Au revoir.'
I sincerelv trust you will find Lord John
rot so bad as rumor reports. Carry my
rmnsthv and reeards to her new grace;
she is a charming woman, and will make
n alior'pther excellent mother-in-Ia w
Sheila smiled mechanically, and gath
ering up her reins, she rode on. She
l?ave a sort of shudder as she went, and
the memory of Beverley's dark, glittering
eyes lingered with her. She felt, some
how, so powerless when she was with
him.
Sheila always felt a thrill at her heart
he rode or drove hd to Craiclands
Now as she passed up the avenue and
drew rein at the covered doorway, a man
with powdered hair and grave face came
forward to meet her.
"Her grace's love, Tniss, and she begs
you will excuse her this morning; she
does not feel equal to leaving his lord
hip's room. She begs, also, to thank you,
miss, for having taken the trouble to
ride over and make inquiries."
"Does Dr. Sentence think there Is any
danger?" she asked, and there was gen
uine anxiety in her voice.
"Dt. Sentance considers bis lordship's
condition very serious," replied the ser
Tant Sheila rode back to Dinglewood cross
and anxious. She met Dr. Sentance coin
ing down the avenue, and stopped to ques
tinn him.
"The poor fellow has not recovered
vet." the medical man an
swered. "I have telegraphed up for Raw
k and T.rwlrlev. Miss Fraser. it is
horrible, a dastardly affair, and for the
life of me I can t understand it. uora
niondnrarrvul never seemed to have an
enemy in the world; but upon my word
this looks to me like a malicious attack.
It has turned out he had next to nothing
In his pockets. Of course, his watch
was valuable. But who on earth Is there
hr mhn rauld have born him a
vrudxe for anything he has ever dons and
said? I suppose you have sent for fur
her police assistance, Miss Fraser?" he
went on.
Sheila confessed she had not even
: bought of it.
"Are not the Mountberry men suffl
"ient?" she asked.
"This is pre-eminently a case for an
astute detective," he said; "and I should
telegraph up at once to Scotland Yard,
if I were you. As the affair happened In
your grounds, of course, it would be
pleasanter for you to have it sifted thor
oughly."
"You are quite right!" Sheila said,
warmly, although she could have struck
him with her whip for daring to dictate
to her. "I will send up to Loudon at
once. '
As she said this, the thought of Bever
ley Rochfort came into her mind, and all
at once she determined to learn his ad
dress from Mr. Thorngate, and telegraph
to him to send down a detective, why,
she could scarcely have told.
CHAPTER XI.
It was long before poor Audrey closed
her tired, aching eyes that eventful night ;
she had shed no more tears after that one
passionate outburst; she felt too much
pain and anxiety for this natural relief.
All she could think of was Jack Glendur
wood, lying alone in the bracken, insen
sible, half murdered. She accepted her
mother's tender comfort, in a vague,
dreamy way. All the sudden joy and
pride that had sprung into being early
in the evening, as she listened to the story
of her birth, seemed to have vanished
beneath this great sorrow.
The sun was shining high In the heav
ens when she opened her eyes, and found
her mother bending anxiously over her.
Constance Fraser gained strength at sight
of her child's suffering. She was now
the strong, courageous woman ; she put
aside all her invalid ways, and rose su
preme to the moment.
"Look after her well," she said to
Marshall, as she donned her outdoor gar
ments, and prepared to drive over to
Craiglands.
The duch?s, proud, self-reliant, self-
possessed a she was generally classed
to be, was after all only an ordinary
woman, with a mother's heart beating
quick and strong in her breast, ner two
boys had been her darlings from the ear
liest days of their childhood ; she had nev
er been so fond or so proud of her one
daughter, who was too much like her
father in nature and character to prove
a comfort to the other parent
The tears came to the mother s eyes
as Constance Fraser, after speaking all
the consolation and sympathy she could
think of, mentioned the countess' name.
"I will stay with you till Gladys
comes," she said, gently; "I am sure
there is much I can do."
"Gladys will not come," the duchess
answered, quietly enough ; and then all
at once she broke down. "Oh, Con
stance ! ' My dear ! My dear !" she
moaned, "what shall I do if I lose both
my boys? Duncan's days are numbered
I know it only too well and Jack,
my bonny, my dear, good, noble Jack !"
Then Constance knelt beside her and
cheered her'again.
"You are alarmed by this insensibility ;
it is nothing; It often happens with con
cussion of the brain. I prophesy that
in a week's time you will have Jack out
of bed, or very nearly so. Now I want
you to look at me ; don't you see a change
in my face? Yes, I see you do; shall I
tell you all about it?"
And then, as gently, as briefly as she
could, Constance bared the secrets of her
heart to her friend.
"And you have found your child, Con
stance? I am glad. I rejoice, my dear,
in your happiness. You must let me see
her soon. I shall love her for your sake
and for poor Frank's; he was a great
favorite of mine."
Constance Fraser covered her face with
her hands, and when she drew them away
it was ashen white.
"Hush !" she said, almost Inaudibly ;
"do not let us speak of him. The pain
is too deep, too great. Such horrible re
morse comes over me when I begin to
think, that I fear for my reason. I
know now I was deceived, that I doubted
him wrongly ; but but that is all I dare
let myself know just yet, It makes my
heart bleed."
The duchess bent and kissed the sweet,
white face.
"Have courage! Remember your
child !" she whispered.
"I do ! I do !" answered Constance,
brokenly. "In her I must live again.
Go'l-mamma, I want you to promise to
befriend her, to stand by her always."
"For your sake and for hers, I prom
ise this, Constance; she shall never want
a friend while I am alive."
John Glendurwood's condition showed
no change, and although Dr. Sentance
declared he would pull his patient
through, he nevertheless felt much doubt
and anxiety as to his ultimate success.
"It is the mind that Is keeping him
back," he declared over and over again
to Mrs. Fraser, and at last ventured to
express the same Idea to the duchess.
That very same evening as Constance
was dressing for dinner, a carriage ar
rived from Craiglands with a hurried
message from the duchess.
"Would Mrs. Fraser kindly drive over
as soon as possible her grace wished to
see her particularly."
Audrey sat before the lire In her moth
er's room ; she was clad in a pretty little
white gown made in picturesque fashion,
and her hands already had lost the work
stains that had seemed so out of place on
them. She was scarcely conscious of
what was going on around her. The past
few days had sapped her strength, she
cared to do nothing, could do nothing but
sit and wonder how her beloved, her hero,
was. How little did she guess that, as
she sat there fearing, dreading every
fresh moment, that her lover was then
speaking her name as Constance Fraser
bent over his bed.
"lie has called her so often," his moth
er whispered, with Quivering Hps. "Oh.
Constance t My dear, you will do as h
askst It may be his last wish!"
Constance pressed her lips on the brow
above those eyes that, only a short time
ago had been laughing and sparkling
with life, happiness and manly vigor.
"Bo comforted," she said, gently, for
was he not lying on the edgo of that dark,
dread river? "It shall be as you wish."
"And Audrey my wife before I
die?" the words were uttered so faint
they were scarcely audible.
"And Audrey, my child, shall be your
wife at once, without delay."
A smile of joy radiated the poor young
fellow's face; he tried to clasp her hand,
to murmur thanks, but he could do noth
ing but He thoTe, helpless as a child in
his utter prostration.
CHAPTER XII.
The following morning, before Con
stance Fraser had had time to compose
her thoughts, and begin to prepare her
child for what lay before her, Sheila
came into the room.
Audrey was lying very quiet In ber
little bed, and the other girl noticed, with
anger in her heart, how exquisitely love
ly was that pale young face, pillowed
among the delicate lace-edged linen and
shadowed by the pink-lined curtains. It
made her even savage, In her jealous
hatred, to notice what daintiness the
mother already gave to her new-found
child.
"I came to tell you," she said, very
abruptly, "that I am going to London
for a few days. Janet will accompany
me. Is there anything that I can do
for you?"
Mrs. Fraser shook her head. Sheila
went away in total ignorance that the
most vital turn in events was to take
place immediately.
It was no unusual thing for her to go
to London for a few days, as she was a
shrewd business woman, and superintend
ed nearly all the movements of her af
fairs. This time, however, there was
nothing that would demand her atten
tion, except this former marriage of her
father's widow.
She determined during her absence
from Dinglewood to go herself to Broad
borough and make full inquiries about
Audrey.
"I will not rest till I have full and
complete proof that she is Frank Ans
truther's child. If only I can be success
ful and discover any flaw, I think I
shall know how to make it disagreeable
for Mrs. Fraser and her charity girl."
To Sheila's annoyance she found that
Mr. Chester was in possession of every
fact relating to Audrey's birth, and in
a very short time placed these facts be
fore her.
"There is not a shadow of doubt, Miss
Fraser," he said quietly, "that this young
girl is Miss Anstruther. I have been
myself to Broadborough and made every
inquiry, and if these inquiries had failed,
the appearance of the registration of
birth and the marriage certificate would
settle the question. I have been down
to the church where Miss Gascoigne mar
ried Captain Anstruther, and have pro
cured another copy of the certificate.
Here it is."
"Which Is so much worthless paper,
considering that Captain Anstruther was
married at the time and had a wife liv
ing," Sheila remarked curtly.
"I am happy in being able to assure
you that this romance is not true, and
congratulate you that your stepmother
has at least one joy left her In life. Fate
has treated her harshly, poor lady."
She arose abruptly, and went away.
As she re-entered her hotel, she saw a
pile of luggage being carried In, and In
her preternaturally sharp way she rec
ognized the livery of the footman, who
was superintending the portmanteaus and
huge boxes, as that worn by the servants
of the Earl of Daleswater. She whisper
ed to her maid, Beecham, to find out if
the family were about to stay at the hotel,
and passed upstairs with the first sensa
tion of pleasure she had experienced for
some time, which grew stronger as she
learned that the countess and her chil
dren were expected up the following day
from Daleswater House.
(To be continued. t
Heavy Glove.
The wealthy old gentleman came up
the steps dripping with perspiration
and puffing like an automobile.
"Oh, father," faltered the beautiful
heiress, nervously, "where have you
been?"
"1 have been attending to that French
count who Is after your hand and my
bullion."
"Gracious, father, I hope you haven't
been rude. The count Is such a deli
cate gentleman. Didn't I tell you to
handle him with gloves?"
The old gentleman smiled grimly.
"Oh, I handled him with gloves all
right."
"You did? Oh, I am so glad."
"Yes, the highest boxing gloves I
could find, and then I put a horseshoe
In each."
Afraid He'd Change.
"Could you guess how old I am?" said
the girl with the crows' feet, giving a
little giggle.
"Why, you're about 24," said the
man who thought he ought to be kind
to her.
"Remember," she said, with more gig
gles, "I only gave you one guess."
Yonkers Statesman.
Nothing not the Troth.
Buncum My physician tells me I am
working too hard.
Marks The M. D. evidently knows
his business.
Buncum Why do you think so?
Marks I have been comparing notes
with a few of our mutual friends and
I find you have worked us pretty hard.
Distinction Without Difference.
Sensitive Golfer (who has foozled)
Did you laugh at me, boy?
Caddie No, sir; I wis laughln' at
anlther man.
Sensitive Golfer And what's funny
about him?
Caddie He plays gowf awfu' like
you, sir. Punch.
Hla Temperament.
"What kind of a disposition ha our
dyspeptic friend?"
"None at all only an indisposition."
Washington Star.
America's Dark Hoop.
Late In 1778 Sir Henry Clinton sent
a British expedition of 2,000 men to In.
I vade Georgia, and on Dec. 23 it arrived
at the mouth of the Savannah River,
where the soldiers disembarked. Gen
eral Robert Howe, with about GOO Con
tinentals and a few hundred militia,
endeavored to hold Savannah against
the enemy, . but the Americans were
overpowered and put to rout, the town,
fort, munitions and supplies falling
Into the hands of the British.
In August, 1770, Count d'Estaing ap-
i peared off the southern coast with
twenty-two French ships of the line.
General Lincoln, then in command of
!the American army In the South, was
at Charleston when a frigate came
there to announce the arrival of the
fleet, and at his request the French
commander agreed to assist In the re
duction of Savannah. Lincoln and his
small army reached the Savannah Riv
er on Sept. 12 and on the same day the
French troops landed and marched up
to within three miles of the town, which
had been strongly fortified by the Brit
ish. Surrender of the post was de
manded, but General Prevost, the Brit
ish commander, requested a truce,
which was unwisely granted, for dur
ing the interval he was reinforced and
then gave a defiant refusal to the de
mand for surrender. .
A siege wns begun on Sept 23, last
ing until Oct 8, with varying success.
; Just before dawn on Oct. 9 an assault
was made by the allies, and after five
hours of fierce conflict there was ft
truce for the purpose of burying the
dead. While the British had lost but
120 men, the Americans and French
had lost 1,000 in killed and wounded.
Among the latter wat Count dEstalng,
who was carried to his camp. Count
Pulaski, while righting at the head of
his legion, was mortally wounded by a
grapeshot During the truce D'Estaing
and Lincoln held a conference. The
former, having lost many men, wished
to abandon the siege, while Lincoln,
confident of ultimate success, desired
to continue It The French commander
refused to further participate, and on
the evening of Oct. 18 the French with
drew to their ships and the Americans
to the Savannah River. Thence Lin
coln retreated to Charleston, and at the
beginning of November the fleet sailed
for France, thus closing the Revolu
tionary campaign of 1779.
Ilia Mother.
We sit in one big chair, for mother's
little,
And rock and talk, all in the firelight's
glow ;
She pats my hand, perhaps you think It's
funny.
It's somehow easier to visit so.
She loves to read the very books that
I do.
That tell of Launcelot, and all the
rest ;
She thinks that Charlemagne was such a
hero.
But maybe Bayard, bravest knight, was
best
She knows about the school, and what I
study ;
She likes the boys, remembers nick
names, too.
I tell her everything that I am doing
Why, bedtime comes before we're near
ly through !
She's glad that I'm a boy, and growing
taller.
She isn't sorry that my hair does curl.
My mother is not like a grown-up lady;
I'm sure she always seems just like a
girl.
Youth's Companion.
Lincoln' Mach-Qaoted Words.
Perhaps the moBt famous address
ever made by President Lincoln is the
one that he delivered at the dedication
of the soldiers' monument on the bat
tlefield of Gettysburg, and the words
most quoted from It are "the govern
ment of the people, by the people and
for the people." This phrase was, no
doubt, an unconscious quotation, for
the same words were used by Theodore
Parker In an address to the Anti-Slavery
Society, May 13, 1S54. Nor was
the phrase original with Parker. Dan
iel Webster, in 1830, used the words,
"the people's government, made for
the people, made by the people, and an
swerable to the people." And even be
fore Webster, Chief Justice Marshall
had expressed the same idea In similar
phraseology.
Shining- Eye.
Why do the eyes of some animals,
notably of the dog, the cat and tho
horse, shine in the dark? Naturalists
say that It Is because their eyes secrete
a pigment of a brilliant metallic luster
at the bottom of the eyeball, which acts
as a concave reflector, causing the rays
of light to traverse the retina a second
time. This probably Increases the pow
er of vision, particularly where only a
feeble light Is admitted to the eye. The
choroid of the human eye. on the con
trary, Is lined with a dark brown or
black pigment, which does not reflect
light This peculiar construction of ani
mals' eyes Is part of the protective
scheme of nature.
Alexander Hamilton.
Every now and then, a boy or a girl
who is studying United States history,
wants to know why Alexander Hamil
ton, who was born on the Island of Ne
vis, West Indies, was spoken of for the
Presidency of the United States after
the adoption of the Constitution. That
constitution, with the framing of which
he hail more p do than any other man,
perhaps, says, "No person except a nat
ural born citizen, or a citizen of the
United States at the time of the adop
tion of this constitution, shall be eligi
ble to the otllco of President." Hamil
ton was eligible because ho was a citi
zen at the time the constitution t:xs
adopted. No foreign-born citizen is Bow
eligible, of course.
' Topsy-Tnrvy,
jeq saag joitqaads 8'U J3;s s.ll uaqAV
Rising early, Mrs. Burley in her garden
meets the eye;
The Century Co.
He Decided Not to Walt.
"Luclnda," said Mr. Melstrum, who
had Just returned from a visit to a
farmer friend In the country, "while
I was at Longley's I ate some whole
wheat boiled. I like it better than any
thing I ever tasted. He gave me a
small paper sack of the wheat, so we
could cook some ourselves. How long
will it be before 6upper is ready?"
"About half an hour," answered Mrs.
Melstrum.
"Well, we'll have some boiled wheat,
l? you please. Here's the paper sack."
"But, Joshua, It will have to be
cooked in a double boiler, and "
"I don't care how you cook It I'm
hungry for some more boiled wheat."
t "But, see here, Joshua I It will
take "
"It will take a lot of cream and
sugar; I know that But we've got
plenty of both. Put It on right away,
will you?"
Without another word his wife took
the wheat, washed it, emptied it Into
the "double-boiler," and set it on the
Are.
At the end of half an hour, Mr. Mel
strum became Impatient
"Lucinda," he called out from the
sitting room, "Isn't that wheat ready
yet?"
"Not yet," responded Mrs. Melstrum.
"How much longer Is going to take
to cook It?"
"About eleven hours nd a half.
That's what I was trying to tell you,
but you wouldn't give me a chance.
Do you want to wait for It?"
Marriage No Joke In Kansas.
Brides must not laugh while a mar
riage Is being performed in Kansas.
Because a young woman laughed while
the ceremony was being performed
Judge McCabe of Topeka stopped in
the middle of It and refused to con
tinue until she ceased, says the Phila
delphia North American.
The bride was Mlna Brown of New
York, who was being married to Wal
ter Jones.
"Marriage Is not a laughing matter,"
said Judge McCabe when he stopped
the ceremony. "I will not perform a
marriage ceremony which is regarded
as a laughing affair. When you can
stop laughing and seem to realize Just
a little more that this is not a side
show perhaps we will resume the cer
emony." Then the judge walked out of the
clerk's office, where the ceremony was
being performed. The couple were just
half married. Jones had sworn to
love, cherish and supjwrt Miss Brown,
but Miss Brown owed him no allegi
ance of any kind. Miss Brown seemed
to enjoy the situation of being single
herself and still having Jones married
to her.
Jones expostulated with her for some
time, and at length Informed the Judge
that the "lady Isn't laughing now."
The judge went back to his perform
ance of the ceremony which made a
Jones of a Brown.
Wellington and the Anrlat.
Seeking to find a cure for his deaf
ness, the Duke of Wellington once em
ployed a celebrated aurlst. The doctor
gave his patient a strong solution of
caustic to Inject into his ear and call
ing on his later found him reeling in
agony. The treatment had set up a
furious Inflammation which unless
checked would result In death. The
hearing was completely destroyed. The
aurlst e.Yprced his grief and mortifica
tion. "Do not say a word nNvnt It
you did your best," said the duke, add
ing that he would not tell a soul alnnit
It Thus encouraged the doctor asked
If he might continue to attend him so
that the public might see that his con
fidence had not been withdrawn. This
was too much. "I can't agree to that,"
said the duke, "for that would be a
lie."
Breaking- the Nevrs Gently.
Foreman (at the door) Did yer hus
band hov a new suit av clo'es on this
mor-rnln', Mrs. O'Malley?
Mrs. O'Malley He did.
Foreman They're roolned entirely.
Mrs. O'Malley How did ut happen?
Foreman He was blowed up be a
charge av dlnnymlte. Cleveland Lead
er. Needs Smoke Consumer.
"Frank, If you didn't smoke, I be
lieve I'd marry you."
"But, my dear, how can you expect a
man who is burning up with love to
keep from smoking?" Denver Post
Self-Explanatory.
"What Is temporary Insanity 7
Temper-ary Insanity. Why, glvln
way to your temper and crackla some
body." Kansas City Time.
I III i
One In a while you see a girl who
doesn't care If people know how old she
Is. She Is usually 17. Somervllle Jour
nal. "Senator, a political Job Is pretty
hard work. Isn't It?" "Not very," re
plied Senator Badger, "but getting it
Is." Milwaukee Sentinel.
Choplelgh I was all bwoke up ovaa
a girl once, doncher know. Miss Knox
Ah, I see! And some of the pieces
were lost Chicago Dally News.
"How do you get those clinging
ways?" naked the country cousin.
"Hanging from street-car straps," an
swered the city girl. Washington ner
aid. The Simple One Going away for
your health! Why, that Is very sud
den. Does your doctor recommend it?
The Wise One No, my lawyer.
Puck.
"Do you know that I ara soon to be
engaged to Mr. Iluber?" "Is that so?
Has he spoken to your mother?" "No,
but my mother hos spoken to him."
Meggendorfer Blaetter.
Passenger (about to leave the cars,
sees his heavy satchel fall from the
rack on a lady's head) That's very
fortunate. I had Just forgotten It was
there. Fliegende Blaetter.
Grayce My dressmaker says I ought
not to wear white with my skin. Mayme
Don't believe her, dear. White and
yellow make quite a pretty combina
tion. Baltimore American.
"I never was so happy before," said
the new benedict "Marriage has made
a different man of me." "I'm glad to
hear it," said his rival, "for your wife's
sake." Philadelphia Press.
Patience How do you know Peggy
Is alone? Tatrlce Because I hear her
singing. "But that's no sign." "Yes, It
is. If there was any one with her
she'd be talking." Yonkers Statesman.
Future Father-ln-Law I am sorry to
Inform you that my daughter will not
receive her fortune until after my
death. Future Son-ln-Law Well, and
how old are you now? Slmpllclssl
mus. If you have any room left In your
tool box, be sure and fill it with money.
You can, on an auto tour, get along
without anything but money. If there
Is any doubt about this, throw the tools
away. Life.
A young man went up for an exami
nation and was "plucked." lie sent the
following telegram to his anxious fam
ily: "Examination splendid. Profes
sors enthusiastic. They demand an en
core." II Rlso.
Thank heaven, the multiplication ta
ble doesn't change! It is the only
thing a mother knows that is the same
as when she went to scool, and which
she can speak of without being cor
rected. Atchison Globe.
"Some men insist that woman ha9
no business brains, but there Is a young
woman who conducts a large business
and It calls for head work all tho
time." "Who is she," "My wife's mil
liner." Cleveland Press.
Deacon By the way, that man
Brown you married a year ago, has he
paid you your fee yet? Clergyman
No; the last time I reminded him of It
he said I'd be fortunate If he didn't sue
me for damages. Boston Transcript.
Mr. Seeslg Yes, it was my first
ocean trip. Miss Romanz Ah ! When
you realized that you were on the great
bosom of old ocean did you not feel
like shouting in your exhilaration
Mr. Seeslg Well, I don't know about
the exhilaration, but I or could
scarcely contain myself. Philadelphia
Ledger.
The modern wife Is beginning to as
tonish the modern husband. A man
came home at 3 a. m. He took off hla
shoes on the front doorstep. Then he
unlocked the door and went cautiously
upstairs on tlptle, holding his breath.
But light was streaming through the
keyhole of the bedroom door. With a
sigh he paused. Then he opened the
door and entered. Ills wife stood by
the bureau, fully dressed. "I didn't
expect you'd be sitting up for me, my
dear," he said. "I haveu't been," she
said. "I Just came In myself." The
New Voice.
A Hardship.
Favored Walter I'm goln to leave
here when my week Is up.
Regular Guest Ehl You get good
pay, don't you?
"Yes, 'bout the same's everywhere."
"And tips besides?"
"A good many."
"Then what's the matter 7"
"They don't allow no time for goln
out to meals. I have to eat here."
London Mall.
.
The Chronic Kicker.
"What's the matter?"
"Oh, the kentry's goln' to rack an
ruin."
"But times are good."
"That's It We're too prosperous,"
Washington nerald.
The Traveling Need.
The Social Philosopher was review
ing the situation.
"We don't want overbold railroad
employes," he said, "but we do need
wreckless schedules." Baltimore Amer
ican. Unpleasant truths rlways please a
lot of people whom they do not concern.