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About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 21, 1889)
TriEIK FORTUNE. lie Is bat a fltherman, Sho an oyster seller; I well, I'll bo if 1 can. Tbelr truo fortune-toller. Ho hat lost his heart to her T.ovo has thrilled his bain?, Jitui for him her pulses stir, That Is easy senlng. Ho Is jealous as tho South, Bound with Lore's stern fetter: Sho well, watch her rosebud mouth Sho Is little better. So they'll quarrel many a time. Quarrel till the morrow; Then, llko their own sunny clime, Joy will follow sorrow. IBoubtlns. always losing still. They will pass together To tho shore where comos no 111, Strife or angry weather. Simple talo you say this Is, Lucking point or glory; .' True, but myriad tiles llko this 1 Make tho wldo world's story. Caswell's Family Magazine. BEAUTY NOT SKINDEEP. Hosults of a Day Spent In a "Boau tilyinR" Parlor. Growing Vp of Comnotlcs Anionc Young anil Old -1'iitlllty of Lotions nml I'ow- dors About the Complexion ': Xlio 8urct ltciiutlllor. - "Eight million dollars aro spent an nnally by tho women of America for paints, powders and cosmetics." This item has been going tho rounds of tho press recently, and after I had read It for about tho sixth tlmo I de termined to start on a tour of investi gation and to find out for mysolf if tho profits from tho sales of cosmetics aro so enormous. It is not a difficult matter in Now York to And one of tho establishments where thoy promise to mako a raving, tearing blondo beauty of you, a radiant, "brilliant brunotto as you fancy In less than no time at all, If you will only Invest In tho ono and only balm, or lotion, or powdor which is thorn manufactured on tho promises. Tho first pluco of this sort which I visited was prosldod over by a blonde young woman, who smiled sweotly and assured mo, If I was looking for a preparation which would Impart tho flush of a Juno roso to my cheeks and the sunniest gold tint to my hair, I had -como to just tho right place. "Tills preparation Is tho only tollot nrtlolo whioh Is absolutely harmless; it has stood tho tost of nlnoty-flvo .years, Is known throughout tho wholo world, and Is composod of perfect ly " At this point I Intorruplod hor, or Bho would still have boon going on .about the morlts of tho cosmetic. J told hor that my tlmo was llmitod; and If sho had got started again on tho thomo, I intended to Intimate that I liad to catch a train for some distant town In tho wilds of Jersey, and that alio might just as well sparohorbroath, lor what llttlo complexion I have I valuo too highly to spoil with any paint or powdor. Hut If sho would kindly glvo mo Homo Idea of tho amount of mouoy an nually expended for coamotlcs In Amorlca 1 would bo much obllgod to hor. "I should say that at loast several million dollars wore Hjiont ovory year. Our sales alono aro over half a million boxos of " (mentioning tho name of tholr "marvelous" preparation which is so "magical" In Its results). "Our Is a harmless tonlo which imparts a delicate freshness to the skin and a youthful softnoss and deli cacy. It Is absolutely the only " Much as it grieved mo to be rude, I interrupted hor again with a remark to tho effect that If 1 had no doubt if any ono would uso It would speedily mako hor as beautiful as Venus, as Psycho, as Milton at tho ago of twelvo, and thou I departed, As I wondod my way down Jho stairs it was with tho rolloctlon that If one only ono Una out of tho thousand or more sold annually over half a million boxes of a magle beuutlllor, or whatever one chooses to call It, and ouch box costs one dollar, tho person who had started tho report about tho eight million would have to start another one and substitute billion for million. Aro thero any moro complexions, loft, i asked mysolf, or aro thoy all just compounds of liquid, powder and paint? Is It possible any longer to Hud "a woman's face with nature's own hand painted P" As I walked down tho avenue, I ucrutlnlzed tho faces I mot, and 1 am happy to say that to all appearances tho complexions of seven ladles no, I will say eight out of ton wore just as nature hud made them, or if not thu "llttlo red" had boon "stolon on" so 'cunningly that ono could easily bo de ceived and mistake art for nature. "Woman is a very elovor individual, wo all know, but I think it is seldom that she resorts to tho uso of rouge do something or othor, or poudro do 'this or that, without showing that alio ia "whitewashed." I Tho "absolutoly lmporcoptlblo" oos tnotlo may bo extensively advertlsod and moro extensively used, but, excuse tho paradox, there Isn't any such thing. It la just as plain, my dear madamo, 'that you "artiflciallzo" as that you Jiavo a noso on your face, and much moro unbecoming to you than your noso, which by not taking just tho Tight curvo has epollod tho symmetry of your fuce. Slnco starting out It had occurred to m& that If I could only spend a day or two in an establishment whoro cos iroetlcB nro sold. I might find much iumuHumont In watching tho different .people who visit such places to oblulu 'the moans for Mwlsting-nuturu. Perhaps I could find somo place where a saleswoman was required. 1 would try at any rate the fun I would probably get would bo sulllciont ro ward for a fow days' work, supposing I could get nothing moro substantial. My noxt visit was to a place whoro 1 found that tho proprietor had just ad vertised for a saleswoman, nnd, al though sho preforred somo ono with experience, she said I could cotno and try tho place for a fow days and see how I could got on. Madamo occupied two rooms In a handsomo building on ono of tho prin cipal avenues. Every thing was most gorgeous, turkoy rugs and volvot-cov-ered furnituro, low divan and costly portiores, with lotions enough to sail a ynolit nnd powders enough to start a Ho i.' mill. "I havo an appointment at ton o'clock," said Madamo; "It Is with a lady who Is having hor skin treated, but sho may not como in until after noon or to-morrow." 1 expressed some surprise, as f hnd supposed that a woman would keep no In- ;iointmont of this kind if sho never ' ' pt any other. '"Oh! not at all," ropllo:l Madame, who, by tho way, was most friendly. Such people usually aro, I notice. Cou metlcs may not Improvo tho complex Ion, but some way I havo an idea that thoy nro rather a good thing for tho temper. "A lady makes an nppolnlmont to como to mo at ton o'clock a certain morning, an appointment which she religiously Intends to keep, and she leaves hor homo in tlmo to do so, but on hor way hero she moots Mm. So-and-so, an intlmato friend, who ox claims; "'Oh! T am so glad to seo you, dear Jennie,' or Mary or whatever her namo may 1)3 'you must como with mo to select a now wlntor dress.' "Oh!1 hesitates Mrs. No. 1, 'I can not. I havo an engagement; I am going to' "And hero sho hesitatos again. No, not for all tho world would sho toll hor nearest and ucarosl and host irlcnd that she is not siitisfiou with tho com plexion that has been given her and is having anotlior ono made to order. Oh! no. Sho can't do that; hor friends may mako tho discovery, but tho sub ject must not bo mentioned, so sho vacillates, and can think of no oxeuso except that sho was going to Maoy's 'or soap or hairpins and so sho agrees o go with hor friend. "Now that is tho way. thoy do, and I novor know when to expect my cus tomers. Th always come, though If not on tho day of iho appointment, soon after and as I understand how it Is, 1 am not particular about tho mat tor." "Whou I startod business hero ft year ago," Madame told mo In ono of the fow and far-between timos when she had no callers, "my first advertise ment brought mo thirty-one costumors. That is, tho first, day 1 opened tho os tabllshmont, thirty-one ladles callod hero, and nearly all of thorn bought some of my goods." Aro people so quick to run after every thing now In this line? I thought. Perhaps it is not to bo wondered at, for beauty's ehluf point lies In tho complexion, and since the tlmo that Cyrus' old grandfather, Astyagos, adorned himself with paint around his eyes and color on his face; slnco tho time that, tho Egyptians applied a black powder by moans of an Ivory bodkin to tho pupils of tho eyes, lip to tho present time, and for all time to como, tho art of tho costumor and bcautlller will be In demand. My day's experience showed mo that from tho young girl only fourteen or eighteen years of ago up to tho shock ing old woman who paints, powders and wears a wig, all ages and condi tions aro represented among the cus tomers of such an establishment. Noi ls It only tho ono sex who glvo good mouoy In exchange for such articles Thoro was a case not so very long ago, reported in tho papers, of a man who, so it was stated on tho authority of his wife and six daughters, used baby powdor, pink face powder, and burnt cork to darken ills eyes. That face powder is occasionally used by tho sterner sex I havo on tho authority of Madame. In ono of Mr. Sala's stories wo read that an enemy of tho heroine who was, of course, beautiful -"Insinuated that hor complexion (It was statuesque, mnrblo-llko in Its pallor) was pasty and cadaverous; that her hair (It was bluo-blaok as a ravon's wing) was dyed, and that hor eyebrows wore painted." Could her enemy have Insinuated any thing more unkind? During thu day I presume between thlrty-llvo and forty people callod. It Is needless to remark that each and all were In pur suit of beauty, and willing for Us sake to put up with any amount of Incon venience and go to any expense. There never was a time when women did not love to mako themselves beautiful u very laudable ambition, provided no harmful preparations aro made use of. Tho best means of preserving tho complexion is first to avoid care and worry, anxiety and fretfuluess, which aro detrimental to tho complexion. Try to sleep well, and be careful of diet, and meet tho world as it comes. Cold atmosphere and plenty of cold water uro good tonics, excepting in casos of exceedingly dolicato people. Protect your faces from strong winds by wearing a thick vail until tho skin becomes nouiowhut hardened to tho cold. Somo good writers and prominent physicians oppose the uso of cold water and advise iiot wivtor. "I mutt say 1 am muuh opposed to heat in any form for thu face," ays a lady who has mado dormatology a study, nnd who has a most beautiful comploxion of her own to show for hor care nnd study. "For example, you wash your faco on arising In tho mornlngvlth hot or cold water; which Is moro agrecablo In Its results If you aro compolod to go outdoors? After wnshlng one's faco In hot water It fools drawn and soft If oxposcd to tho air. Now, what you want Is not a soft but a hard skin, firm but smooth and volvcty looklng. You can novor havo a pretty comploxion with soft skin, ns It vory soon wrinkles, and who does not dotcst wrinkles? v So, ladles, do not uso hot water. Do not oat too much; that coarsens tho skin and makes It assumo a masculine look. Thoso who havo too much color should avoid all rich meats and stimu lating drinks. If "people would mako a study of dermatology and pay moro attontlon to physiological laws, thoro would probably bo moro good, healthy com plexions and fewer demands for cos metics. Hut will that tlmo ever come? My cxporienco of tho past fow days, I am sorry to say, leads mo to believe that the use of cosmotics is alarmingly on the increase. As somo ono has said: "It will soon become a national oyesoro. There was a time when a woman applied her violet powder in secret, and as to rougo It was relegat ed entirely to that one-half of tho world tho othor half is presumed to know nothing of." N. Y. Mail and Ex press. COMMON POLITENESS, It frosts Nothing, mill Is Always IJocclved (J ruti-rully by Kvnry llnily. Common politeness Is vory simple, vory easy, vory cheap. It costs noth ing in effort; It Is no tax upon olthor tho physical or mental powers; It Is always gratefully recoived by polito people, and it gratifies giver as well as receiver. It makes all within tho range of Its tnlluonco happier and hot ter, and It smooths many of tho rough er paths of life. Many intelligent and woil-brod peo ple aro often uncivil for want of thoughtfulness, and thoy sometimes glvo good reason for offense, or for tho assumption that thoy aro uncivil, whon they do not moan to bo guilty of such an offense Sucl. persons aro usually understood and excused by their Inti mate acquaintances; out it is a mis fortune to yiold to tho habit of ovon apparent rudeness. It ofton grieves people whoso respect Is valuablo, and it novor accomplishes any goodw The gravest complaints about In civility ofton como against thoso who assumo to bo oxomolnrs of society and good mannors, and thoy aro only too ofton just. So common Is It for a lady to refuso tho acknowledgment of the courtesy extended whon a gentleman gives his seat to a lady in a street car that many gentlemen have abandoned that particular act of civility, except in cases whoro thoy know tho lady, and thoy certainly havo great provoca tion. It is not at all raro to seo ladles of social distinction accept a seat from a gentleman without tho semblance of acknowledgment, and in all such cases tho gentleman must fool like ro sonting tho unpardonable rudonoss, for it is not simply a want of civilly, it is tho positive rudonoss that can be as sociated only with vulgarity. No truo lady over committed such a broach of common polltonoss, and it is only just to say that, as a rule, only thoso who poso as ladles over commit such llu grant olTouses against good brooding. Tho truo lajly or gentleman never forgets common polltonoss to all with whom thoy como in contact, and tho surest sign of tho social protondor Is displayed in public incivility to othors. The genuine lady or gentleman is always so well assured of her or his position that thoy dignify It by courtesy to othors who merit It, regardless of condition or circumstance, while tho upstart, uncertain of position, repeats upon others tho snubs ho or sho has received in tho effort to climb into social recognition. Tho true lady and gontloman aro over poltto and courteous to all whon those admirable qualities can be ex hibited, and when those attributes are not exhibited on all proper occasions, It Is always safe to assume that vul garity is masquerading in the thin guise of tho gentleness that over marks tho lady and tho gontloman. Phila delphia Times, Manufacturing dowels. Somo of the most singular processes appear to bo In vogue at Oborstoln, Germany, whoro tho industry of manu facturing jewels is so largely carried on. Chalcedony is tho usual base of false onyxes and agates, which aro most frequently imitated, tho stones in this case being boiled in the coloring matter and then subjected to Intense lieat, tho color permeating tho wholo stone. One establishment possesses tho secret of converting crocidolito Into "cat's eyes." Gypsum and horublendo aro also made Into tho same gems. Ticons, which aro cheap stones of sil icon and zlrcouia, have tho color washed out, and aro apparently dia monds until tested; a thin slice of dia mond is laid over a topaz, so that tho wholo appears to bo ono gem; emeralds nro easily imitated; many stones sold as rubles aro only red spinel, and much of what is termed lapis lazuli is only dyed chalcedony. Manufacturer. Tho largest sum over collected at a charity dinner was $:hD,O00, received at tho centenary festival of tho ltoyal Maouiu Institute for Girls, recently hold at tho Albert Hull, l.oudon. PITH AND POINT. Bo fit for moro than tho thing you aro now doing. James A. Garfield. When our hatred Is violent, It sinks ovon beneath those wo hate. It is easier to vanquish a man In nn argument than It Is to convince him. Tho largest expanses of married lifo aro frequently caused by tho llttlo ones. Life consists In tho altornnto proc ess of learning and unlearning; but it is often wiser to unloarn than to learn. It is believed that tho luckiest stono mentioned In tho Bible Is tho ono thnt David used in his encounter with Goliath. Jeweler's Wcokly. Tho man who spends most of his days in giving advico to his friends has no need at all to lio awake nights won dering why ho isn't popular. Somer villo Journal. Compared with eternity our career extends over a time easily expressed by tho word "scat!" uttered in an or dinary tono of voice. Bill Nye. We nro almost all of us a llttlo sel fish naturally, you know, excepting when wo hear a pleco of unpleasant gossip about tin man wo never liked. Then wo generally want to share our knowlcdgo with every ono wo meet. Journal of Education. My son, If poor, see wine in tho running spring; think a threadbare coat tho "only wear;" and acknowl edge a white-washed garret tho fittest housing place for a gontloman; do this, and flee debt. So shall thy heart bo at peace, and the sheriff bo con founded. Era. Thero is no real conflict botweon truth and politeness; what is imagined to bo such is only tho crude mistake of thoso who fail to discover their har mony. Politeness, taken In Its best sense, is tho graceful expression of respect, kind feeling and good-will. Don't judge a man by tho clothes ho wears. God mado ono and tho tailor mado tho othor. Don't judgo a man by his family, for Cain belonged to a good family. Don't judge a man by his failuro in lifo, for many a man fails bocauso ho is too honest to suc ceed. North Wales (Pa.) Record. Tho truo lady and gentleman aro polito and courteous to all tvhen those admirable qualities can bo exhibited, and whon thoso attributes aro not ex hibited on all propor occasions, it Is always safe to assumo that vulgarity Is masquorading In tho thin guiso of tho gentloness that over marks tho lady and gentleman. A long lifo may bo passed without finding a friend in whoso understand ing and virtue wo can equally confldo, and whoso opinion wo can valuo at onco for its justness and sincority. A wenk man, however honest, Is not qualliled to judge. A man of tno world, however penetrating, is not lit to counsel. Friends aro ofton choson for similitude of mauuors, and thoro foro each palliates tho other's failings bocauso thoy aro his own. Frionds aro tender, and unwilling to give pain; or thoy arc interested, and fearful to otTeud. Dr. S. Johnson. In ovory political canvass wo aro prono to forget that tho commonwealth is composed of men. Wo aro, there fore, prono to forgot also that to im provo or reform tho commonwealth, wo aro to reform and Improvo thoso who composo It men. To try to do otherwise is to try to mako tho roso bloom boforo tho bush is rooted, or to cause tho tower to soar boforo tho cor-nor-stono Is laid. Tho centor of all organization and social existence Is tho Individual man. All deterioration or Improvement bogins with single human beings. A NOVEL INDUSTRY. An ICutorprlHliiK Farmer I.'mlmrks In the Culture of Skunk. Tho latest-thing out in tho way of a business venture is .skunk-culture, if it may be so styled. At first It has tho appearance of a joke, but It Is nothing of tho kind, as may bo soon further on. Having hoard that somothing of tho kind existed in this vicinity, tho re porter set out to investigate tho mat tor, and, although skeptical at first, soon found tl.-jre was "something in it." Tho ownor nnd proprietor of this skunk ranch, is Joseph Llulngor, re siding two and a half miles north of this city, on the Mishler road. In an Interview with him ho said that tho way ho came to give such a thing any attontlon wa a knowlcdgo that a man in Tennessee had successfully conduct ed such an ontorprlso for several yoars and became rich as a result. Tho skunk is an animal easily raised and is qulto valuablo for its oil and fur. Tho skin Is worth from 75 conts to $1.50 and tho yield of oil is about the sumo valuo. Thoy havo from six to ton young at a tlmo, and breed several times in a season, tho same as rabbits. Mr. Llnlnger estab lished his "skunkory" in tho spring with only a fow animals, and now, in so short n time, there aro fifty in tho corral. "I sot out," said he, "to ralso 600 before slaughtering any, and at tho present rate it will not bo long boforo that number is realized." "How about tho odor?" wo asked. "None what ever. You can go right to tho corral, and I defy you to toll by tho odor that thoro is a skunk in tho neighborhood." It seems that thoy never eject tho aorld and offensive fluid except as u means of dote use, nnd if not molostcd thoro is no danger. "Besides," said ho, "it is an easy matter, whon kittens, to re move from thum the glands containing tho otlouhlvu Derations, and. thus dis arm them for lifo." Huntington (Ind.) Huruld. CHILDREN'S APPETITES. Some Sound Advico on n Matter or Moro Than Ordinary Importance. While somo children cat daintily and seem- to know when thoy havo enough, there aro othors who eat ravenously at the tablo and seem to bo eating nil tho tlmo between meals. This, I think, is nn unnatural state of things. Animals in their youthful days nro Inclined to over-eat, but an animal worth raising Is carefully guarded so that It does not ovor-eat Should not these children bo as care fully watched as animals? It is too often a habit acquired by food being easy of nccess, or over-indulgent pa rents, who, as soon as a child frets, give it something to eat to pacify it, until from an over-loaded stomach it is fretful and cross, and tho moro it eat tho moro uncomfortable it be comes. 1 could not help contrast tho man ner of a very rich lady with her three boys with that of others I havo seen since. Thoy have a vo y comfortable breakfast at seven o'clock In tho morning, lunch at twolve, which usually consisted of potatoes, rice, cold sliced meat, milk, bread and but ter; at five o'clock a plate piled high with sliced bread and butter and three glasses of water wero carried to tho nursery, and thoy wero allowed to oat all they wanted of It; at half-past five the two youngest, aged fivo and seven, wero put to bed; tho oldoH, nlno years old, was allowed to bo up till seven. Tho family dinner was at six, and if tho dessert was a light pudding, fruit and nuts, occasionally tho boys wore allowed to como down to dessert, but rotired as soon as it was over. " Do you never allow them a pleco between meals?" I asked th) mother ono day. "Oh, yes, thoro are somo crusts of bread on a sholf by tho nursery door that they can havo whenever thoy aro hungry." "What, thoso hard things?" I asked in umnzemont for I thought thoy wore somo crusts that had lain thoro a long time and been fo gotten. "Yes," sho replied, "if they aro hungry they will sit down and gnaw away at a crust and enjoy it, and it is good for their teeth." I saw thorn many timos got one of thoso crusts and gnaw at it as if it wero candy, and I thought how ruany mothers would givo thoir ehild.in a great piece of pio, cake or broad and butter thick with jam, jolly' or mo lassos. Tho crusts did not tako away tho appotito for tho noxt meal, while such a largo lunch as tho othor ould answer for a meal. Depond upon it. that children raised on some system of self-denial aro much happier, much better in disposition and health tfiun thoso allowed to grat ify ovory ui",)otito. Tako notice for yourself, somo tlmo when you aro traveling, and you will soon notice tho dilTerence between the children who eat from tho time they got on tho ears to tho tlmo thoy got olT, and thoso who eat nothing upon tho journey only at regular meal timos. Children need good, plain food, plonty of fruit, but all kinds of rich pastry, gravy and knick-knacks of ovory kind thoy aro much bettor with out. Tho food wo eat is largely responsi ble for tho diseases with which so many aro troubled, and also Jor tho disposition; so tho plainer it is, tho freer wo shall bo from tho many ills to which mortal fiosh is heir. Ladies' Home Companion. DURABILITY OF RAILS. Tho Comparative WeiirhiK Oualltles of Iron nnd Steel, Tho comparative wearing qualities of iron and steel rails formed a vory fruit ful topic of discussion at ono timo in railroad circles, but tho question sud denly lost Its vitality when tho prico of stool rails fell bolow tho cost of pro duction of iron rails. It is, thorofore, a mattor of much less Interest than would havo been tho caso, say ton years slnco, to noto the oxporionco In this respect of tho Wabash railway, which has just been mado public. The co npany romoved from its tracks this fall some iron rails which had been first laid down in ISou, and about tho same timo they took up somo English stool rails which wero first used In 18711. Tho iron rails, after a lifo of thirty-two yoars, wero sold to bo ro mnnufactured, and tho stool rails, which had been used for fifteen yoars, wore rolaid on a branch road, whoro they aro expected to last for twelvo to flfteon years moro. Tho "expecta tion of lifo" in either caso would thoro fore seom to bo nearly tho sumo, with tho dllTeronco In favor of tho Iron rails, probably duo to tho faot that tho latter began tholr inroor In an era of less traffic, slower trains, lighter loco motives and smallor freight cars. Nevertheless, tho facts cited go far to sustain thu position of tho orstwhllo advocates of tho continued uso of Iron rails, that woll-mado iron rails would sustain tho wear and tear of regular railroad truffle as woll as steel rails. It Is worthy of noto in this connection that tho Wabash stool rails cost $103 per ton, In gold, in 1673, nnd that tho old Iron rails wero sold this fall for moro than threo-fourths tho prico of new stool rails, ton for ton. Iron Age. m m Complimenting tho Press. Guest (registering his namo and ad dress, "I,oo Davis Jaokson, editor Par alyzer. Hunker's Hollow, Ark.") You compliment tho press, I prcsumo ? Hotel clerk Compliment tho press? Certainly. You write a fceautiful hand, sir. You do, indeed. Guaste without baggage aro required to pay In advauoa. Four dollars, please, Mr. Jaokion. Chicago Tribune. AMERICAN AMENITIES. Some Foreign CrltloUm Which Wo Cnn ItlimlM With n Smile. Tho ordinary receptions nt tho Whito House arc eharacterlzad by an almost equal amount of freedom. Tho people walk about the rooms In nn artless manner, picking a flower horo nnd ripping off a loaf there, thumbing tho editions dc luxe which Ho upon tho tables, salivating anywhere although a large number of spittoons, oupho mistlcally called "cuspldores." aro provided on such occasions drawing thoir chairs up to tho tables, and gen erally making thomselvos qulto at home. Indeed, moro than onco or twlco havo a couple of democratic dames Indulged in a sot-to for a chair thoy had simultaneously solectod. That all is both "painful and freo" wo do not need to bo ussured by tho sight of tho coatless colored gentleman who pushes his way through the throng to "grip massa President" Nevertheless conversation' among our American cousins is constructed on brisk and business-lika lines. Thero may bo small charm of expression or conventional prettiness of phrase, but the words, bo they drawled slovenly or intoned at a high rate of speed, aro directly to the point. Of courso tho language differs greatly from our own, although there is a deal that passes for American slang which is to bo found in our dialects or in Elizabothan literature. Tho promiscuous uso of "elegant" Is an evident importation from tho Emer ald Isle; "mad" for "angry" is puro Sussox, as is also tho "down East" "axoy" for "ague." A "square meal" is an expression well-known to tho dramatists of the Shakespearean ora, and the indiscriminate uso of tho word "bug" for all manner of insects is good old English enough. Many of our country folks to this day call tho lndy bird tho "lady bug," tho cockchafer tho "May bug," and tho green beotlo the "Juno bug." Wo seom to striko now ground, how over, when wo find shirts spoken of as "waists," short coats as "sacks," boots as "shoes." a'purso as a "pocket book," go'.oshos as "slip-gums," hand bags as "grip-sacks," tho smallor articles of feminine attiro as "no tions," and scents as "odors." It is a little surprising when an American in forms yon that ho Is going to "tell you good-bye," whon ho arrests your at tention and prefaces his remarks with a laconic "Say!" and request you to ropeat a remark with an invariable "how" in placo of our "what." And when a fair American insists on your seeing Niagara in winter, because "tho fall is jest as big and tho trimmings aro so mightily elegant" meaning theroby tho beauty of the surroundings of ice and snow It is, to say tho least, a little painful. Hut then, when a beautiful sunset, a tasty dish, tho weather, a certain route, or drive, or view, are all equally "elegant," what can wo expect? London Standard. EVENING FUNERALS. A Custom Whlrli Is IIuvIiir Itupld Growth ill New York. "No, it isn't exactly a fashion," thoughtfully responded a prominont tip-town undertaker In responso to a question concerning tho comparatively recent prevalence of ovoning funerals; "it is becoming a custom. Sovora causes combine to encourage it. First, It is less oxponsive. Tho intormont takes place quietly tho next day, and tho funeral cortogo may bo, perhaps, only tho hearse and one carriago con taining a clergyman and somo repre sentative member of tho family. Fre quently, too, a funoral Is appointed In tho ovoning, becauso tho body is to bo convoyed to somo distant town for in tormont and an early start must be mado tho following morning. "Still, another influonco is traceable to tho city's great increaso of area. You will notice ovoning funerals seom moro lrequont in tho upper wards. To attend tho final sorvicos ovor a frlond's remains whoro tho residence is abovo Fifty-ninth or Sovonty-second street tho down-town business man must easily relinquish two-thirds of his day at tho ollico, which is not always con venient or oven possiblo. In tho ovoning ho finds it much easlor to bo present "For my own part," concluded tho undertaker, emphatically, "I don't liko it. Thoro is somothing Incon gruous about gaslight and funoral trappings. Death is natural; Its ac cessories should bo as little artificial as possiblo. Just as tho light from a chandelier Incrousos tho ghastllnoss of tho corpso beneath, so, to my mind, do ovoning funorals accontuato tho gloom of such sad occasions." iY. Y. Sun. A Friend and Benefactor. "Confound your awkwardness!" ox clnlmed tho man whoso corns had boen stepped on. "I bog your pardon, sir," answered tho offender, "but I think you wero as much to blamo ns I was. You stopped directly In my way." "Do you claim tho wholo sidewalk, sir, as yours? Has every body got to got out of tho way whon you como along?" "Sir, I havo apologized to you for tho accident If you want any furthor satisfaction I shall be happy to accom modate you at any tlmo. Horo Is my card." (IlendsJ '"K. K. (Juppln9, Manu facturer of Railway Lamps.' Do you mako theso lamps thoy uso on tho cars?" "I do, sir." (With emotion) "My dear friend, pormlt mu to grasp your hand! I nm a bpoctoalo ueddlorl" CAicayo T.r, una.