TriEIK FORTUNE.
lie Is bat a fltherman,
Sho an oyster seller;
I well, I'll bo if 1 can.
Tbelr truo fortune-toller.
Ho hat lost his heart to her
T.ovo has thrilled his bain?,
Jitui for him her pulses stir,
That Is easy senlng.
Ho Is jealous as tho South,
Bound with Lore's stern fetter:
Sho well, watch her rosebud mouth
Sho Is little better.
So they'll quarrel many a time.
Quarrel till the morrow;
Then, llko their own sunny clime,
Joy will follow sorrow.
IBoubtlns. always losing still.
They will pass together
To tho shore where comos no 111,
Strife or angry weather.
Simple talo you say this Is,
Lucking point or glory;
.' True, but myriad tiles llko this
1 Make tho wldo world's story.
Caswell's Family Magazine.
BEAUTY NOT SKINDEEP.
Hosults of a Day Spent In a "Boau
tilyinR" Parlor.
Growing Vp of Comnotlcs Anionc Young
anil Old -1'iitlllty of Lotions nml I'ow-
dors About the Complexion
': Xlio 8urct ltciiutlllor.
-
"Eight million dollars aro spent an
nnally by tho women of America for
paints, powders and cosmetics."
This item has been going tho rounds
of tho press recently, and after I had
read It for about tho sixth tlmo I de
termined to start on a tour of investi
gation and to find out for mysolf if tho
profits from tho sales of cosmetics aro
so enormous.
It is not a difficult matter in Now
York to And one of tho establishments
where thoy promise to mako a raving,
tearing blondo beauty of you, a radiant,
"brilliant brunotto as you fancy In
less than no time at all, If you will
only Invest In tho ono and only balm,
or lotion, or powdor which is thorn
manufactured on tho promises.
Tho first pluco of this sort which I
visited was prosldod over by a blonde
young woman, who smiled sweotly and
assured mo, If I was looking for a
preparation which would Impart tho
flush of a Juno roso to my cheeks and
the sunniest gold tint to my hair, I had
-como to just tho right place.
"Tills preparation Is tho only tollot
nrtlolo whioh Is absolutely harmless;
it has stood tho tost of nlnoty-flvo
.years, Is known throughout tho wholo
world, and Is composod of perfect
ly "
At this point I Intorruplod hor, or
Bho would still have boon going on
.about the morlts of tho cosmetic.
J told hor that my tlmo was llmitod;
and If sho had got started again on tho
thomo, I intended to Intimate that I
liad to catch a train for some distant
town In tho wilds of Jersey, and that
alio might just as well sparohorbroath,
lor what llttlo complexion I have I
valuo too highly to spoil with any
paint or powdor.
Hut If sho would kindly glvo mo
Homo Idea of tho amount of mouoy an
nually expended for coamotlcs In
Amorlca 1 would bo much obllgod to
hor.
"I should say that at loast several
million dollars wore Hjiont ovory year.
Our sales alono aro over half a million
boxos of " (mentioning tho name of
tholr "marvelous" preparation which
is so "magical" In Its results).
"Our Is a harmless tonlo which
imparts a delicate freshness to the
skin and a youthful softnoss and deli
cacy. It Is absolutely the only "
Much as it grieved mo to be rude, I
interrupted hor again with a remark to
tho effect that If 1 had no doubt if any
ono would uso It would speedily
mako hor as beautiful as Venus, as
Psycho, as Milton at tho ago of
twelvo, and thou I departed,
As I wondod my way down Jho stairs
it was with tho rolloctlon that If one
only ono Una out of tho thousand or
more sold annually over half a
million boxes of a magle beuutlllor, or
whatever one chooses to call It, and
ouch box costs one dollar, tho person
who had started tho report about
tho eight million would have to start
another one and substitute billion for
million.
Aro thero any moro complexions,
loft, i asked mysolf, or aro thoy all
just compounds of liquid, powder and
paint? Is It possible any longer to Hud
"a woman's face with nature's own
hand painted P"
As I walked down tho avenue, I
ucrutlnlzed tho faces I mot, and 1 am
happy to say that to all appearances
tho complexions of seven ladles no, I
will say eight out of ton wore just as
nature hud made them, or if not thu
"llttlo red" had boon "stolon on" so
'cunningly that ono could easily bo de
ceived and mistake art for nature.
"Woman is a very elovor individual,
wo all know, but I think it is seldom
that she resorts to tho uso of rouge do
something or othor, or poudro do
'this or that, without showing that alio
ia "whitewashed."
I Tho "absolutoly lmporcoptlblo" oos
tnotlo may bo extensively advertlsod
and moro extensively used, but, excuse
tho paradox, there Isn't any such thing.
It la just as plain, my dear madamo,
'that you "artiflciallzo" as that you
Jiavo a noso on your face, and much
moro unbecoming to you than your
noso, which by not taking just tho
Tight curvo has epollod tho symmetry
of your fuce.
Slnco starting out It had occurred to
m& that If I could only spend a day or
two in an establishment whoro cos
iroetlcB nro sold. I might find much
iumuHumont In watching tho different
.people who visit such places to oblulu
'the moans for Mwlsting-nuturu.
Perhaps I could find somo place
where a saleswoman was required. 1
would try at any rate the fun I would
probably get would bo sulllciont ro
ward for a fow days' work, supposing
I could get nothing moro substantial.
My noxt visit was to a place whoro 1
found that tho proprietor had just ad
vertised for a saleswoman, nnd, al
though sho preforred somo ono with
experience, she said I could cotno and
try tho place for a fow days and see
how I could got on.
Madamo occupied two rooms In a
handsomo building on ono of tho prin
cipal avenues. Every thing was most
gorgeous, turkoy rugs and volvot-cov-ered
furnituro, low divan and costly
portiores, with lotions enough to sail a
ynolit nnd powders enough to start a
Ho i.' mill.
"I havo an appointment at ton
o'clock," said Madamo; "It Is with a
lady who Is having hor skin treated,
but sho may not como in until after
noon or to-morrow."
1 expressed some surprise, as f hnd
supposed that a woman would keep no
In- ;iointmont of this kind if sho never
' ' pt any other.
'"Oh! not at all," ropllo:l Madame,
who, by tho way, was most friendly.
Such people usually aro, I notice. Cou
metlcs may not Improvo tho complex
Ion, but some way I havo an idea that
thoy nro rather a good thing for tho
temper.
"A lady makes an nppolnlmont to
como to mo at ton o'clock a certain
morning, an appointment which she
religiously Intends to keep, and she
leaves hor homo in tlmo to do so, but
on hor way hero she moots Mm. So-and-so,
an intlmato friend, who ox
claims; "'Oh! T am so glad to seo you, dear
Jennie,' or Mary or whatever her
namo may 1)3 'you must como with
mo to select a now wlntor dress.'
"Oh!1 hesitates Mrs. No. 1, 'I can
not. I havo an engagement; I am going
to'
"And hero sho hesitatos again. No,
not for all tho world would sho toll hor
nearest and ucarosl and host irlcnd
that she is not siitisfiou with tho com
plexion that has been given her and is
having anotlior ono made to order.
Oh! no. Sho can't do that; hor friends
may mako tho discovery, but tho sub
ject must not bo mentioned, so sho
vacillates, and can think of no oxeuso
except that sho was going to Maoy's
'or soap or hairpins and so sho agrees
o go with hor friend.
"Now that is tho way. thoy do, and I
novor know when to expect my cus
tomers. Th always come, though
If not on tho day of iho appointment,
soon after and as I understand how it
Is, 1 am not particular about tho mat
tor." "Whou I startod business hero ft
year ago," Madame told mo In ono of
the fow and far-between timos when
she had no callers, "my first advertise
ment brought mo thirty-one costumors.
That is, tho first, day 1 opened tho os
tabllshmont, thirty-one ladles callod
hero, and nearly all of thorn bought
some of my goods."
Aro people so quick to run after
every thing now In this line? I thought.
Perhaps it is not to bo wondered at,
for beauty's ehluf point lies In tho
complexion, and since the tlmo that
Cyrus' old grandfather, Astyagos,
adorned himself with paint around his
eyes and color on his face; slnco tho
time that, tho Egyptians applied a
black powder by moans of an Ivory
bodkin to tho pupils of tho eyes, lip to
tho present time, and for all time to
como, tho art of tho costumor and
bcautlller will be In demand.
My day's experience showed mo that
from tho young girl only fourteen or
eighteen years of ago up to tho shock
ing old woman who paints, powders
and wears a wig, all ages and condi
tions aro represented among the cus
tomers of such an establishment. Noi
ls It only tho ono sex who glvo good
mouoy In exchange for such articles
Thoro was a case not so very long ago,
reported in tho papers, of a man who,
so it was stated on tho authority of his
wife and six daughters, used baby
powdor, pink face powder, and burnt
cork to darken ills eyes. That face
powder is occasionally used by tho
sterner sex I havo on tho authority of
Madame.
In ono of Mr. Sala's stories wo read
that an enemy of tho heroine who
was, of course, beautiful -"Insinuated
that hor complexion (It was statuesque,
mnrblo-llko in Its pallor) was pasty
and cadaverous; that her hair (It was
bluo-blaok as a ravon's wing) was dyed,
and that hor eyebrows wore painted."
Could her enemy have Insinuated
any thing more unkind? During thu
day I presume between thlrty-llvo and
forty people callod. It Is needless to
remark that each and all were In pur
suit of beauty, and willing for Us sake
to put up with any amount of Incon
venience and go to any expense. There
never was a time when women did not
love to mako themselves beautiful u
very laudable ambition, provided no
harmful preparations aro made use of.
Tho best means of preserving tho
complexion is first to avoid care and
worry, anxiety and fretfuluess, which
aro detrimental to tho complexion.
Try to sleep well, and be careful of
diet, and meet tho world as it comes.
Cold atmosphere and plenty of cold
water uro good tonics, excepting in
casos of exceedingly dolicato people.
Protect your faces from strong winds
by wearing a thick vail until tho skin
becomes nouiowhut hardened to tho
cold.
Somo good writers and prominent
physicians oppose the uso of cold
water and advise iiot wivtor.
"I mutt say 1 am muuh opposed to
heat in any form for thu face," ays a
lady who has mado dormatology a
study, nnd who has a most beautiful
comploxion of her own to show for
hor care nnd study. "For example,
you wash your faco on arising In tho
mornlngvlth hot or cold water; which
Is moro agrecablo In Its results If you
aro compolod to go outdoors? After
wnshlng one's faco In hot water It fools
drawn and soft If oxposcd to tho air.
Now, what you want Is not a soft but a
hard skin, firm but smooth and volvcty
looklng. You can novor havo a pretty
comploxion with soft skin, ns It vory
soon wrinkles, and who does not dotcst
wrinkles? v
So, ladles, do not uso hot water. Do
not oat too much; that coarsens tho
skin and makes It assumo a masculine
look.
Thoso who havo too much color
should avoid all rich meats and stimu
lating drinks.
If "people would mako a study of
dermatology and pay moro attontlon
to physiological laws, thoro would
probably bo moro good, healthy com
plexions and fewer demands for cos
metics. Hut will that tlmo ever come?
My cxporienco of tho past fow days, I
am sorry to say, leads mo to believe
that the use of cosmotics is alarmingly
on the increase. As somo ono has
said: "It will soon become a national
oyesoro. There was a time when a
woman applied her violet powder in
secret, and as to rougo It was relegat
ed entirely to that one-half of tho
world tho othor half is presumed to
know nothing of." N. Y. Mail and Ex
press.
COMMON POLITENESS,
It frosts Nothing, mill Is Always IJocclved
(J ruti-rully by Kvnry llnily.
Common politeness Is vory simple,
vory easy, vory cheap. It costs noth
ing in effort; It Is no tax upon olthor
tho physical or mental powers; It Is
always gratefully recoived by polito
people, and it gratifies giver as well as
receiver. It makes all within tho
range of Its tnlluonco happier and hot
ter, and It smooths many of tho rough
er paths of life.
Many intelligent and woil-brod peo
ple aro often uncivil for want of
thoughtfulness, and thoy sometimes
glvo good reason for offense, or for tho
assumption that thoy aro uncivil, whon
they do not moan to bo guilty of such
an offense Sucl. persons aro usually
understood and excused by their Inti
mate acquaintances; out it is a mis
fortune to yiold to tho habit of ovon
apparent rudeness. It ofton grieves
people whoso respect Is valuablo, and
it novor accomplishes any goodw
The gravest complaints about In
civility ofton como against thoso who
assumo to bo oxomolnrs of society and
good mannors, and thoy aro only too
ofton just. So common Is It for a lady
to refuso tho acknowledgment of the
courtesy extended whon a gentleman
gives his seat to a lady in a street car
that many gentlemen have abandoned
that particular act of civility, except
in cases whoro thoy know tho lady,
and thoy certainly havo great provoca
tion. It is not at all raro to seo ladles of
social distinction accept a seat from
a gentleman without tho semblance of
acknowledgment, and in all such
cases tho gentleman must fool like ro
sonting tho unpardonable rudonoss,
for it is not simply a want of civilly, it
is tho positive rudonoss that can be as
sociated only with vulgarity. No truo
lady over committed such a broach of
common polltonoss, and it is only just
to say that, as a rule, only thoso who
poso as ladles over commit such llu
grant olTouses against good brooding.
Tho truo lajly or gentleman never
forgets common polltonoss to all with
whom thoy como in contact, and tho
surest sign of tho social protondor Is
displayed in public incivility to othors.
The genuine lady or gentleman is
always so well assured of her or his
position that thoy dignify It by courtesy
to othors who merit It, regardless of
condition or circumstance, while tho
upstart, uncertain of position, repeats
upon others tho snubs ho or sho has
received in tho effort to climb into
social recognition.
Tho true lady and gontloman aro
over poltto and courteous to all whon
those admirable qualities can be ex
hibited, and when those attributes are
not exhibited on all proper occasions,
It Is always safe to assume that vul
garity is masquerading in the thin
guise of tho gentleness that over marks
tho lady and tho gontloman. Phila
delphia Times,
Manufacturing dowels.
Somo of the most singular processes
appear to bo In vogue at Oborstoln,
Germany, whoro tho industry of manu
facturing jewels is so largely carried
on. Chalcedony is tho usual base of
false onyxes and agates, which aro
most frequently imitated, tho stones in
this case being boiled in the coloring
matter and then subjected to Intense
lieat, tho color permeating tho wholo
stone. One establishment possesses
tho secret of converting crocidolito Into
"cat's eyes." Gypsum and horublendo
aro also made Into tho same gems.
Ticons, which aro cheap stones of sil
icon and zlrcouia, have tho color
washed out, and aro apparently dia
monds until tested; a thin slice of dia
mond is laid over a topaz, so that tho
wholo appears to bo ono gem; emeralds
nro easily imitated; many stones sold
as rubles aro only red spinel, and much
of what is termed lapis lazuli is only
dyed chalcedony. Manufacturer.
Tho largest sum over collected at
a charity dinner was $:hD,O00, received
at tho centenary festival of tho ltoyal
Maouiu Institute for Girls, recently
hold at tho Albert Hull, l.oudon.
PITH AND POINT.
Bo fit for moro than tho thing you
aro now doing. James A. Garfield.
When our hatred Is violent, It
sinks ovon beneath those wo hate.
It is easier to vanquish a man In
nn argument than It Is to convince
him.
Tho largest expanses of married
lifo aro frequently caused by tho llttlo
ones.
Life consists In tho altornnto proc
ess of learning and unlearning; but it
is often wiser to unloarn than to learn.
It is believed that tho luckiest
stono mentioned In tho Bible Is tho ono
thnt David used in his encounter with
Goliath. Jeweler's Wcokly.
Tho man who spends most of his
days in giving advico to his friends has
no need at all to lio awake nights won
dering why ho isn't popular. Somer
villo Journal.
Compared with eternity our career
extends over a time easily expressed
by tho word "scat!" uttered in an or
dinary tono of voice. Bill Nye.
We nro almost all of us a llttlo sel
fish naturally, you know, excepting
when wo hear a pleco of unpleasant
gossip about tin man wo never liked.
Then wo generally want to share our
knowlcdgo with every ono wo meet.
Journal of Education.
My son, If poor, see wine in tho
running spring; think a threadbare
coat tho "only wear;" and acknowl
edge a white-washed garret tho fittest
housing place for a gontloman; do
this, and flee debt. So shall thy heart
bo at peace, and the sheriff bo con
founded. Era.
Thero is no real conflict botweon
truth and politeness; what is imagined
to bo such is only tho crude mistake of
thoso who fail to discover their har
mony. Politeness, taken In Its best
sense, is tho graceful expression of
respect, kind feeling and good-will.
Don't judge a man by tho clothes
ho wears. God mado ono and tho
tailor mado tho othor. Don't judgo a
man by his family, for Cain belonged
to a good family. Don't judge a man
by his failuro in lifo, for many a man
fails bocauso ho is too honest to suc
ceed. North Wales (Pa.) Record.
Tho truo lady and gentleman aro
polito and courteous to all tvhen those
admirable qualities can bo exhibited,
and whon thoso attributes aro not ex
hibited on all propor occasions, it Is
always safe to assumo that vulgarity Is
masquorading In tho thin guiso of tho
gentloness that over marks tho lady
and gentleman.
A long lifo may bo passed without
finding a friend in whoso understand
ing and virtue wo can equally confldo,
and whoso opinion wo can valuo at
onco for its justness and sincority. A
wenk man, however honest, Is not
qualliled to judge. A man of tno
world, however penetrating, is not lit
to counsel. Friends aro ofton choson
for similitude of mauuors, and thoro
foro each palliates tho other's failings
bocauso thoy aro his own. Frionds
aro tender, and unwilling to give pain;
or thoy arc interested, and fearful to
otTeud. Dr. S. Johnson.
In ovory political canvass wo aro
prono to forget that tho commonwealth
is composed of men. Wo aro, there
fore, prono to forgot also that to im
provo or reform tho commonwealth,
wo aro to reform and Improvo thoso
who composo It men. To try to do
otherwise is to try to mako tho roso
bloom boforo tho bush is rooted, or to
cause tho tower to soar boforo tho cor-nor-stono
Is laid. Tho centor of all
organization and social existence Is tho
Individual man. All deterioration or
Improvement bogins with single
human beings.
A NOVEL INDUSTRY.
An ICutorprlHliiK Farmer I.'mlmrks In the
Culture of Skunk.
Tho latest-thing out in tho way of a
business venture is .skunk-culture, if it
may be so styled. At first It has tho
appearance of a joke, but It Is nothing
of tho kind, as may bo soon further on.
Having hoard that somothing of tho
kind existed in this vicinity, tho re
porter set out to investigate tho mat
tor, and, although skeptical at first,
soon found tl.-jre was "something in
it."
Tho ownor nnd proprietor of this
skunk ranch, is Joseph Llulngor, re
siding two and a half miles north of
this city, on the Mishler road. In an
Interview with him ho said that tho
way ho came to give such a thing any
attontlon wa a knowlcdgo that a man
in Tennessee had successfully conduct
ed such an ontorprlso for several yoars
and became rich as a result. Tho
skunk is an animal easily raised and is
qulto valuablo for its oil and fur. Tho
skin Is worth from 75 conts to $1.50
and tho yield of oil is about the sumo
valuo. Thoy havo from six to ton
young at a tlmo, and breed several
times in a season, tho same
as rabbits. Mr. Llnlnger estab
lished his "skunkory" in tho spring
with only a fow animals, and now, in
so short n time, there aro fifty in tho
corral. "I sot out," said he, "to ralso
600 before slaughtering any, and at tho
present rate it will not bo long boforo
that number is realized." "How about
tho odor?" wo asked. "None what
ever. You can go right to tho corral,
and I defy you to toll by tho odor that
thoro is a skunk in tho neighborhood."
It seems that thoy never eject tho aorld
and offensive fluid except as u means
of dote use, nnd if not molostcd thoro is
no danger. "Besides," said ho, "it is
an easy matter, whon kittens, to re
move from thum the glands containing
tho otlouhlvu Derations, and. thus dis
arm them for lifo." Huntington (Ind.)
Huruld.
CHILDREN'S APPETITES.
Some Sound Advico on n Matter or Moro
Than Ordinary Importance.
While somo children cat daintily
and seem- to know when thoy havo
enough, there aro othors who eat
ravenously at the tablo and seem to bo
eating nil tho tlmo between meals.
This, I think, is nn unnatural state of
things. Animals in their youthful
days nro Inclined to over-eat, but an
animal worth raising Is carefully
guarded so that It does not ovor-eat
Should not these children bo as care
fully watched as animals? It is too
often a habit acquired by food being
easy of nccess, or over-indulgent pa
rents, who, as soon as a child frets,
give it something to eat to pacify it,
until from an over-loaded stomach it
is fretful and cross, and tho moro it
eat tho moro uncomfortable it be
comes. 1 could not help contrast tho man
ner of a very rich lady with her three
boys with that of others I havo seen
since.
Thoy have a vo y comfortable
breakfast at seven o'clock In tho
morning, lunch at twolve, which
usually consisted of potatoes, rice,
cold sliced meat, milk, bread and but
ter; at five o'clock a plate piled high
with sliced bread and butter and three
glasses of water wero carried to tho
nursery, and thoy wero allowed to oat
all they wanted of It; at half-past five
the two youngest, aged fivo and seven,
wero put to bed; tho oldoH, nlno years
old, was allowed to bo up till seven.
Tho family dinner was at six, and if
tho dessert was a light pudding, fruit
and nuts, occasionally tho boys wore
allowed to como down to dessert, but
rotired as soon as it was over.
" Do you never allow them a pleco
between meals?" I asked th) mother
ono day.
"Oh, yes, thoro are somo crusts of
bread on a sholf by tho nursery door
that they can havo whenever thoy aro
hungry."
"What, thoso hard things?" I asked
in umnzemont for I thought thoy wore
somo crusts that had lain thoro a long
time and been fo gotten.
"Yes," sho replied, "if they aro
hungry they will sit down and gnaw
away at a crust and enjoy it, and it is
good for their teeth."
I saw thorn many timos got one of
thoso crusts and gnaw at it as if it
wero candy, and I thought how ruany
mothers would givo thoir ehild.in a
great piece of pio, cake or broad and
butter thick with jam, jolly' or mo
lassos. Tho crusts did not tako away
tho appotito for tho noxt meal, while
such a largo lunch as tho othor ould
answer for a meal.
Depond upon it. that children raised
on some system of self-denial aro much
happier, much better in disposition
and health tfiun thoso allowed to grat
ify ovory ui",)otito.
Tako notice for yourself, somo tlmo
when you aro traveling, and you will
soon notice tho dilTerence between the
children who eat from tho time they
got on tho ears to tho tlmo thoy got olT,
and thoso who eat nothing upon tho
journey only at regular meal timos.
Children need good, plain food,
plonty of fruit, but all kinds of rich
pastry, gravy and knick-knacks of
ovory kind thoy aro much bettor with
out. Tho food wo eat is largely responsi
ble for tho diseases with which so
many aro troubled, and also Jor tho
disposition; so tho plainer it is, tho
freer wo shall bo from tho many ills to
which mortal fiosh is heir. Ladies'
Home Companion.
DURABILITY OF RAILS.
Tho Comparative WeiirhiK Oualltles of
Iron nnd Steel,
Tho comparative wearing qualities of
iron and steel rails formed a vory fruit
ful topic of discussion at ono timo in
railroad circles, but tho question sud
denly lost Its vitality when tho prico
of stool rails fell bolow tho cost of pro
duction of iron rails. It is, thorofore,
a mattor of much less Interest than
would havo been tho caso, say ton
years slnco, to noto the oxporionco In
this respect of tho Wabash railway,
which has just been mado public. The
co npany romoved from its tracks this
fall some iron rails which had been
first laid down in ISou, and about tho
same timo they took up somo English
stool rails which wero first used In
18711. Tho iron rails, after a lifo of
thirty-two yoars, wero sold to bo ro
mnnufactured, and tho stool rails,
which had been used for fifteen yoars,
wore rolaid on a branch road, whoro
they aro expected to last for twelvo to
flfteon years moro. Tho "expecta
tion of lifo" in either caso would thoro
fore seom to bo nearly tho sumo, with
tho dllTeronco In favor of tho Iron rails,
probably duo to tho faot that tho latter
began tholr inroor In an era of less
traffic, slower trains, lighter loco
motives and smallor freight cars.
Nevertheless, tho facts cited go far to
sustain thu position of tho orstwhllo
advocates of tho continued uso of Iron
rails, that woll-mado iron rails would
sustain tho wear and tear of regular
railroad truffle as woll as steel rails.
It Is worthy of noto in this connection
that tho Wabash stool rails cost $103
per ton, In gold, in 1673, nnd that tho
old Iron rails wero sold this fall for
moro than threo-fourths tho prico of
new stool rails, ton for ton. Iron Age.
m m
Complimenting tho Press.
Guest (registering his namo and ad
dress, "I,oo Davis Jaokson, editor Par
alyzer. Hunker's Hollow, Ark.") You
compliment tho press, I prcsumo ?
Hotel clerk Compliment tho press?
Certainly. You write a fceautiful
hand, sir. You do, indeed. Guaste
without baggage aro required to pay
In advauoa. Four dollars, please, Mr.
Jaokion. Chicago Tribune.
AMERICAN AMENITIES.
Some Foreign CrltloUm Which Wo Cnn
ItlimlM With n Smile.
Tho ordinary receptions nt tho
Whito House arc eharacterlzad by an
almost equal amount of freedom. Tho
people walk about the rooms In nn
artless manner, picking a flower horo
nnd ripping off a loaf there, thumbing
tho editions dc luxe which Ho upon tho
tables, salivating anywhere although
a large number of spittoons, oupho
mistlcally called "cuspldores." aro
provided on such occasions drawing
thoir chairs up to tho tables, and gen
erally making thomselvos qulto at
home. Indeed, moro than onco or
twlco havo a couple of democratic
dames Indulged in a sot-to for a chair
thoy had simultaneously solectod.
That all is both "painful and freo" wo
do not need to bo ussured by tho sight
of tho coatless colored gentleman
who pushes his way through the
throng to "grip massa President"
Nevertheless conversation' among our
American cousins is constructed on
brisk and business-lika lines. Thero
may bo small charm of expression or
conventional prettiness of phrase, but
the words, bo they drawled slovenly or
intoned at a high rate of speed, aro
directly to the point. Of courso tho
language differs greatly from our own,
although there is a deal that passes
for American slang which is to bo
found in our dialects or in Elizabothan
literature.
Tho promiscuous uso of "elegant" Is
an evident importation from tho Emer
ald Isle; "mad" for "angry" is puro
Sussox, as is also tho "down East"
"axoy" for "ague." A "square meal"
is an expression well-known to tho
dramatists of the Shakespearean ora,
and the indiscriminate uso of tho word
"bug" for all manner of insects is good
old English enough. Many of our
country folks to this day call tho lndy
bird tho "lady bug," tho cockchafer
tho "May bug," and tho green beotlo
the "Juno bug."
Wo seom to striko now ground, how
over, when wo find shirts spoken of as
"waists," short coats as "sacks,"
boots as "shoes." a'purso as a "pocket
book," go'.oshos as "slip-gums," hand
bags as "grip-sacks," tho smallor
articles of feminine attiro as "no
tions," and scents as "odors." It is a
little surprising when an American in
forms yon that ho Is going to "tell you
good-bye," whon ho arrests your at
tention and prefaces his remarks with
a laconic "Say!" and request you to
ropeat a remark with an invariable
"how" in placo of our "what." And
when a fair American insists on your
seeing Niagara in winter, because "tho
fall is jest as big and tho trimmings
aro so mightily elegant" meaning
theroby tho beauty of the surroundings
of ice and snow It is, to say tho least,
a little painful. Hut then, when a
beautiful sunset, a tasty dish, tho
weather, a certain route, or drive, or
view, are all equally "elegant," what
can wo expect? London Standard.
EVENING FUNERALS.
A Custom Whlrli Is IIuvIiir Itupld
Growth ill New York.
"No, it isn't exactly a fashion,"
thoughtfully responded a prominont
tip-town undertaker In responso to a
question concerning tho comparatively
recent prevalence of ovoning funerals;
"it is becoming a custom. Sovora
causes combine to encourage it. First,
It is less oxponsive. Tho intormont
takes place quietly tho next day, and
tho funeral cortogo may bo, perhaps,
only tho hearse and one carriago con
taining a clergyman and somo repre
sentative member of tho family. Fre
quently, too, a funoral Is appointed In
tho ovoning, becauso tho body is to bo
convoyed to somo distant town for in
tormont and an early start must be
mado tho following morning.
"Still, another influonco is traceable
to tho city's great increaso of area.
You will notice ovoning funerals seom
moro lrequont in tho upper wards. To
attend tho final sorvicos ovor a frlond's
remains whoro tho residence is abovo
Fifty-ninth or Sovonty-second street
tho down-town business man must
easily relinquish two-thirds of his day
at tho ollico, which is not always con
venient or oven possiblo. In tho
ovoning ho finds it much easlor to bo
present
"For my own part," concluded tho
undertaker, emphatically, "I don't
liko it. Thoro is somothing Incon
gruous about gaslight and funoral
trappings. Death is natural; Its ac
cessories should bo as little artificial
as possiblo. Just as tho light from a
chandelier Incrousos tho ghastllnoss of
tho corpso beneath, so, to my mind, do
ovoning funorals accontuato tho gloom
of such sad occasions." iY. Y. Sun.
A Friend and Benefactor.
"Confound your awkwardness!" ox
clnlmed tho man whoso corns had boen
stepped on.
"I bog your pardon, sir," answered
tho offender, "but I think you wero as
much to blamo ns I was. You stopped
directly In my way."
"Do you claim tho wholo sidewalk,
sir, as yours? Has every body got to
got out of tho way whon you como
along?"
"Sir, I havo apologized to you for
tho accident If you want any furthor
satisfaction I shall be happy to accom
modate you at any tlmo. Horo Is my
card."
(IlendsJ '"K. K. (Juppln9, Manu
facturer of Railway Lamps.' Do you
mako theso lamps thoy uso on tho cars?"
"I do, sir."
(With emotion) "My dear friend,
pormlt mu to grasp your hand! I nm
a bpoctoalo ueddlorl" CAicayo T.r,
una.