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About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 19, 1888)
Washington has n "Slimmer homo
for eat." Ills said to bo surrounded
by a caterwaul. Korrishwn Herald.
In polite circles the word "drunk"
or "intoxicated" is no longer used.
"Overestimated his capacity" is tho
proper thing. Epoch.
"Look out for number one" is like
tfio baseless fabric of h dream to a
widow on the an' vive for a second Jiub
hinCL. lliifj!uutr!on Republican. ,
St. Louis mail (wiljssin? "Julius
with what (jtately grace Brutus move-
about?'' Wife "Yes, and ho is hi hid
night-gown, too. It's wonderful!"
Smc one says that an umbrella
will last m ich longer if it is placed
1 1 I lilts iiiiuuiu uuiii mu w
preserve it still longer, nttnuh It to
your body with a long chain and padlock.-
I: Is in: always oa sy to tell whether
or no' h woman really means what she
says; i: it this rule does not apply when
she if- expatiating oa tho accomplish
ments of her baby. Sho mny bo mis
guided, but she is always perfectly
sincer;. -Q$'oiiem7c Journal.
"All tho men are not fools, nny
how." snapped .Mrs. Curtly to her hus
band during a little domestic discus
sion. "No. my dear," replied Mr. C,
with trae manly politeness. "No,
there it -e a few bachelors loft as sam
ples." Washington Critic.
Police Protection. Smith "How
do you lileo your new house out in tho
suburb-?-' Jones "Tho only objection
1 have to It is that it is so far to the
police station in caso of burglars."
"Why didn't vou rout a liouso noar a
saloon? Vou can always Had a police
man hanging around there." Texas
Dominie (to choir leader)' Tho
collection this morning. Mr. Hotwator,
was very small, $id I am sorry to say
that f think tho meugrenoss was largely
duo to you. Choir Loader -"Largely
due to mo. sir?"' Domlniu-"Yos.
Hereafter, while tho plate is being
passed, I wish you w9rid0ry 113d make
a better selection of music than "Sal
vatic' Free." Ar. tyn.
' .Mrs. Lenox 111, Jr. 'GftUing ready
to Jeav1 town) -"Lciox, whoro sliU I
hide those silver spoofjfc, in case tloves
"ore,; in?0do you think between tho
piattrees would Je a go8i pfceo?"
Mr. Lenox Ulll, Jr. (who knows wluft
ho In talking about) "Nonsense! Put
them into one your dross pockots
tho eloot, and If a burglar H8ds iWt,
he dese.aos the spoons!" I'uti'c.
Soi where down East a mnrrlifl
r were in tho halt of airing tholr
(nlHirenees audibly. In these spats tho
wife, having tho bftgor tongue, was
usually tfho winner. Tho resu!) us
made known In one case to an Inquir
ing neighbor (who asked whoro ho
could Mud Mr. MiQllank) In those
words: "I don't know, 1 guess he's up
stairs linHn' hlssolf." Jloston Tran
tcriiil, "The types." observes a Southern
Missouri paper npologotilly, "ma
us allude lust week to our esteemed
tiQiisiii'in. Mr. Polhemus, as a (tIJJln
oitluungor. Wo wrote 'versatile law
yer," Thrt error was overlooked by our
proaf-voador, a Kcnllomnn reoe.itly
from T was, who umsu ro uh. lu oxtou
uatlon of the overdo. it.Q'mt Vlio two
terms moan pretty much (ho same
thing whoro ho came troni."
Clergymen sliadd lo-brlof and to
tho point. A Boston clergyman once
a hrtrul hint to that ollod. "Wo
would like to have you short when you
flurry us." said a productive bride
groom, "because we are going West."
"How soon after tho ceremony will you
start?" asked the clergyman. "In
nboulu week," was tho reply. Thou
the minister realized ho had a reputa
tion as one possessing tho gift of con
tinuance. '-Harper's Magazine,,
IVrnniw Who MiiUk it I.UIuu- ly llilj'lnj:
MpIIIiik Hint X'.fiK.
There was a lively row in progress
lif the collar of one of tho largo com
mission houses on Dunuo street. Tho
bolllgoronts were tho portor of tho
establishment and a stout German
woman, who held In olther arm a largo
basket of apparently fresh eggs. Tho
row Hi df was over tho price of tho
eggs, the woman claiming that thoy
worts not worth over forty-two cents
per one hundred, while tho porter
hold out stoutly for forty-live cents.
Win. M tin wiiiiiiin who failed to unlll
her point had exhausted Per stock of
nerllu "billingsgate" tho portor ex
plained tho sltuatlou to a reporter as
"Yon seo," ho began, "every barrel
of eggs that comes lu hero has to bo
candled,' and when wo llml 0110 not
1111. to tho mark wo throw It aside,
Those aro either spotted, cracked or
rotten, as tho case may bo, and of
these, which wo call snots. oracKs ami
rots, wo have many dozens each week
to dispose or. This woman nan just
bought four hundred oracks and spots
at forty-live cents a hundred. What
will she do with them? by, sell
them to Hih oj.croam saloons and
bakeries, not to mention tho cheap
restaurant. She will got from live to
lull CUIUS II MU' I wr ilium, iiv.-uiiiuiii
... tali , . i .. . 1
to quality. no iik 01 wio oggs, now
i.vi will be made into Ice-cream.
' "Some of these big Ico-oream con
coriu," ho wont on, "uso those oggs
altogether, and I know of some largo
IwMiKiirf who use tlioni to L'ivu
Ihoir bwiui. a peculiar gloss. As for
t'OtUiu eggs, mo lunnunos uuy mum.
There is miuwihiug in a rotten egg that
L'ivK n coi tulu llqish Ui some khuU of
f T .1.1 ..I ... ...Ill
loatJiar uiai uouuuk k"
c.kKin nt ihiiso womuii luakv a L'ood liv
ing by buying up spolhsl oggs, but
thnlr trailo l being spollwl by tho
baittti'ln and iv-dJiurants who nro now
ntndlni,' Iholr tru wagon uivur mum."
A Wine Sinn Opinion ot Wliilt tlm Ite-niDrji-
1 "I am glad I'm copped," said Mr.
.7 ickson when ho fell Into tho hands of
the myrmidons of tho law. Upon
which text several lay-sermons have
Ikoii delivered on tho effect of remorso
upon gentlemen of his class. In ray
o.ilnlon, this now historic phraso
should not have been quoted without
l,i context: "I have had a hard time
nl it lately." This latter reflection. I
bollove, is what most persons in Mr.
Jackson's position menu by their re
morse; their sorrow is not for the crime,
but for its consequences. In the case
of offenses that fall short of murder,
though they are often infinitely moro
dJOistroui, and sometimes morally
worse, It IscerUilnly so. Tho swindling
banker comfortably located at Stock
holm, in a society of his fellow-countrymen,
tho grades of which, I am told,
aro peculiar -the highest circles have
"gone in" for upwards of 11)0,000 and
tholowost being moro pilferers of 10,
0)0 odd is not disturbed by widows'
moans and orphans' groans; but If he
Is where extradition is possible, ho Is
full of regret and pity for his own
perilous position. Tho idea of dis
covery and arrest Is never absent from
his m'nd. Ho hears "the voice wo can
not hour'' (-nying "I arrest you for
forgery,") he "sees the hand wo can
not se'" (taking hold of his shoulder)
ovory hour in the day; but it is not the
voice or the hand of conscience, but of
personal apprehension (literally appre
hension). He is glad to be "copped"
though it is noticeable that he very
rarely anticipates that pleasure by
giving 'himself up -because ho has
-noli a bad time of it, and not at all be
cause he has imitated another gentle
man's handwriting. Yet if fQiQ
habitual cr'mtnal who has been beaV
ing his fello'v-crcatures within an inch
of their live, ever since he could han
dle 11 bliiii-eon. goes bend tho inch
and kills tho fe'low-creature, we im
agine him prostted with remorse. A
moro absurd Idea wasnerontertalr81
than tlnff this sort of cigUitre appre
.ites lu tho least dogreo "the sacred
ess of human 11C&" The case of S
Bentliig-ntftl person, like Kugen Ai0,
for e.egle. who thlnifci ho (gn coif
mltaOiurdernnd "havodo8' "hh it,"
is wholly different; tho deed itftlf
haunts him, and gives him bad nights;
though it Is toQo observed that If ho
murders one or two moro people his
Insomnia dts.Qpears, and he recovers
his iQjpotlto. As for Mr. Will"""
Sylfoji being troublif by Nancy's eyes
I never believed ono alord of it. If you
had put tho question to him, I could
anticipate his contemptuous reply
exactly, though I decline to write it
down. The opponents of capital pun
ishment are such oxcollent people
themselves that thoy can not under
".tand the feelings of Messieurs les
assassins. Ask any prison warder how
many days' purchase he thinks his life
would bo worth if a "lifer could not
be hung for taking It; for what is very
remarkable, your ruluan is sensitive
about the sacredncO, of human life
when it Is his own, but in no other
case, believe me. Mr. Jackson, of
ooinne, may not be found guilty of
mm dor; but I object to any person of his
ehihs lielug represented as lulluenced
by the HtMithno'itul emotions because
he sings "The Thorn" and tho "Pil
grim of Love" so touchiugly. (Sifted
with such an "organ." if he had only
t'Qiight of blacking his face and assum
ing the guUo of a nigger minstrel, he
would not have been "languishing in
Quins." .okoh Xews.
Bltinrck as an Organ-Grln0r.
The latest story about Blsnmrck de
scribes how ho called q-i KmpororTll
lani tho other day, and while waiting
In an uuto-rooin heard voices In tho
Imperial nursery, and went in. Ho
found the lltt'o Crown Prince fi:iding
away at a barrel-organ, while two
younger princes were trying to dance.
"Please, Prince Bismarck, 001110 and
dance with me," said one of tho youngs
ters. "No. I am too old; 1 really can not
dance," said tho old gentlemen; "but
If tho Crown Prince w'Q dance, I will
grind tho organ for you all."
When the Ihnperor openeCXho door,
tho Chancellor of the (Serman Empire
was found grinding away In a high
stato of pleasure and perspiration.
Tho moral of thOanecdoto was drawn
by His Majesty, who said that, not con
tent with making three generations of
llohenzollerns dance to his pipe, Bis
marck had already begun with tho
fiOrth. -JtOiulon Truth.
'Yos," said ?fls9 Crushlugton,
exponent of society
emotional drama, "I had a most suc
cessful tour lu Kngland last summer
"Did you enjoy tho trip across tho
"Very much oomlng baok, but not so
much going over.'
"Wore you slckP
"N-uot so vorv. but I felt badly and
wished I hadn't agreed ' to come,
Wanted to baok out, you know."
"I understand; you felt like throw
lnr tin the whole affair."
"O. dear no! I wasn't asstck as
thatl" Mereiunt Tru vaier.
Charley 1 say. Brown, havo you got
change for a ten?
Harry (suspiciously) Kr no. Char
ley. 1 lmvon t a cont In 111 pouket.
Charley Sorry, old iua; 1 wanted
to ji'iy tho tlva I owo you. Lift.
--On a windy day In Nw York re
oontly lhlrtMtu haU wr blown froai
the Brooklyn brldgu to roturu no inert'
lo the huud of lliulr urruwliiK owuor
I SIGNALS FOR THE FARl.t.
Simple Momn of CoiniimnlrnHon Over nn
Arm ir h Mllo or So.
A code of signals for use on the farm
may be mndc very useful for communi
cation between persons out of speaking
distance. The writer has long used a
loud whistle for making signals to bis
hired men and others about the farm,
.vhlcb have been found quite intelligible
and useful after a little training. The
common "mile whistles" sold under the
claim that they can be heard a mile oft
aro fraud'! and lit only or children's,
playthings; but a loud whistle can be
made of a brass tube half an inch in di
ameter. plugged and cut with a file in
the required manner. The lct whistle,
however, is made of the half shell of i
common lllbcrt or Barcelona nu sawts
lengthwise or across the middle. This
is placed between the third and fourth
fingers inside tho hand, at the space b
tween the knuckle and the next joim
with the opening in theOcll between
the lingers. The hand is then cht"Ql so
that an orifice is left between the fingers
opening into the nutshell. Then by
placing the bent joints of the lingers
between tho lips and blowing forcibly
Into the nutshell, a very shrill and loud
whistle may be given that can be heart!
half a mile with easo. niS? further when
a gentle wind Is blowing In tho direction
the sound is to be sont.
It seems that this system of whistle
signals or language is by no means a
novelty, for a regular vocndary. so to
spunk, of whistling sounds has been In
ii!e in an Isid of the Canary group.
Tho inhabitants of this island (Comera,
which consists mostly of preetous
rocks and deep ravines throughQ-hich
rivers How,) make use of this ,codc ol
whistle signals to communicate with
each other across tho rough country,
which can only bo traversed
by long, circuitous routes, on ac
count of tho deep ravines. These poo
nlo uso both tinners and lips when
whistling, and can carry
sntion with neighbor
tho uso of this peculiar language.
This useful addition to the faculty of
speech may bo ngde available in 1111111
iys by lopting awmilgr code or key
of niii'ds to f?St liich is ued in telo-
L'ranhv. Thus in our system thrc
short. sliri) ffihistl blon quii'&ly
nufiO that the mn or men 4 &n i 8
distant pl'o are to &nno tl8 hou$ij
or to quit oilg. Qfie long (jwuistle,
'gradually taking otf to finish, moans
1 luil. tho foreman must ifll nd a man to
ixho barn; 0110 short, sharp whlatle, fol
hyved by the loig, tapering one, calls
tho teaij homo; two short whistles and
tho long one from tho foreman calls
the employer to tho field to settle somo
dillleulty; three short whistles and the
long one call tho foreman and announce
meal times. Thus by thoWiso oflong
and short sounds differently disposed
all sorts of directions may bo given and
information conveyed. Knch man em-
ployed is provided with a whistle, if ho
can not. use his lingers in tho usual
ay, which makes a loud, piercing
sound, and a card of signals: but tins is
mil. nf niiicb use except at rare inter
Flags are usefully employed its sig
rials when the house or barn can be seen
from all parts of tho farm. A pole with
arms such as make up tho olOfnshioned
"semaphore" telegraph may also bo
used wborij can bo seen or the persons
are too far apart to hear a sound. A
triangle made of a steel bar bent with
tho ends free, and struck with another
piece of steel, can be hoard more than
a mile uwav. But this and tho boll aro
not sufficiently various in sound for or
dlnarv uso. Tho whistle, on the other
band; may' bo made to vary quite suff
, . ' i n
ctontlv to afford all necessary means ot
coniinunliQJou over the area of an or
dinary farm, and tho signals may bo so
odilled as togivo intelligent meaning
s in tho case ot tho Islanders above re -
But it will be most convenient to con
dense as much as possible the code of
signals. Thus the signal come to the
house or barn when repeated quickly
will mean there is something wrong
and haste Is required. This will answer
for all emergencies. Each man. too.
should liuvo his slgnnl.Qo which lu'
only will nimwor In person when tlw
men tiro together or scuttled. Somo
such method of communication will bo
found very useful, and, as It will tend to
save tlmo itt tlQwork of the farm, and
a .time is money, it will be found a
means of economy, and therefore
worthy of adoption. A'. ). TinnxO
Know Where He Was From.
Judge (to prlsonor who 1q ji.O boon
brought Into court) What is your
Judge Where are you from, Mr.
Prlsonor I roftiso to state, as such
Information has nothing to do with the
Judge -But wo will compel you to
Prisoner -That will Iw n dangerous
proceeding, 1 jissiiro you. 1 shot n
Judge (musingly) Tho prlsonor la
from Kentucky. Arkansaw Traveler.
There aro In Now York moro than
1.000 artesian wells in constant Use,
Owing to the moagiv supply of Croton
water, especially during the drysoniKHi.
Uv'lfe numbers of uutnuftiotitrers have
Imhi obliged to report to wolls, which
vary la deph from about -100 to l.S0
fwl. and fiiriiUh from 8.000 to PO.000
enlW'iic a di,
The w oils Hit drilled by
iht nn ihin'.u in M'gue In tlu tdl rcyiiin.
Ht h oot ituiginr 'ruin t. U twelve
dollar h loot, according to the hard
ui'M lif Ihu rock.
WAYS OF THE VUKLD.
A ritllotoplirr'4 Vlrvr of l.lf H He Klnrtl
In thee dnvs we hear but little of the
good people in the world. We are too
busy studying the scandalous and
criminal side of life to take any heed j
of tho deeds of charity and the tender j
sympathy that are not as rare as they 1
eein to lw. lteally, looking at life to-1
day, listening Jo conversation and not-
in frti..wf iwwinln Mm 1
most, one would imagine that
anu cimrio nnu ueii.ii ivu .iiwjt-nici , i
, .1 !... 1 1 .1- ..1 ..1. ...... I.,.-
tlie worm, w e
e have grown selliSli anu
callous. When tho lightning of death !
or severe suffering does not strike us,
or near us. we are content to believe .
nobody else suffers. Tho crape has no j
longer any significance: tho bereave- j
ment of a friend gets the moment s
meaningless condolence, and we go on
with our busy life. We have no time
to mourn nowadays. There has crept
into our vioQof life so much philoso
phy that a little wreath of flowers Is
all we consider necessary to show our
respect for the dead friend; we pay
so much money out in some form or
another and our mourning is over.
What do we care fjtbe dead? Let
them go. They aro oeyond our sym
pathy, beyond our love or our hate.
Lit them pass. There are other peo
ple to take their place in our affections.
We have ton much philosophy to
allow our grief to interfere with our
pleasures. We are a practical people.
and we have no fiddle-faddle sentiment
about us. We have no real friendships
nowadays. We must not get too deeply
Interested in anybody, or If any thing
happens to him or her we will perhaps
suffer a little pain, and what's tho
good? Soilness is the first law of
our modern life. Self-sacrifice may
still exist ninone; women, but women
are weak thlnw, at best. Charity? j
Givo him live dollars; send him some-1
n,i.r m nt tW is diiintv: ro and
arry on aconvertfknook at the door and ask how ho is,
s a mile distant byTmui then go off to your fun. Affection? !
Say you are so sorry lie is sn. ana
forgot 5il about him. l&gd? "Poor
rellow! He was a good fellow, and I
am sorry he's gone. What Q.rd 3iffi
that you played?" t perl:ps after
all there re .)ift)yes that the tears
come to; 8'8dy' ligjid gi tho
rta . . . i i . . ...... t . . . f . ...
bitterer signu igyiun mo cyiijiuri ui unj)
symithy thfioug ins weugeniuy
frame; porHgng pe6My sits in a
chair by the fire in the lonely room
and fancies shtQsees him there, feels
his arms about her, hoars his voice and
pays a tribute to him with a throbbing
heart. Somewhere or another, it may
be. somo merry laugh stops half ut
tered, and somebody rises from the
joyous party and says: "i can not play
to-night: I am not well." But it is curi
ous that the larger the world grows tho
smaller the sympathetic circle seems
to get. Tho more friends a man has
the less real friendship. To be happy?
It is to have one woman who logis you
to love, and one man who trusts you to
trust. Kan Francisco Cironicle.
Sdmii's 111 tlie I'opiilQ House orrii:irl" I.'
Roumanian oratory finds it- natural
and public forum in the lower house of
the Legi '-'at ore. and tho style of the
deliberations of this body shows that
the people aspire after something to
which thoy havo not attained. Both tho
Senate and the House are elective
every four years, and over tho firmer
presides Demotrlghian. son of tlie late
llosjlor of Wallachia. Ql is still
thought sufficient to provide thorn a
hall wOeh will not comfortably seat
more th. one-half of their number
r.iftm. tin niniiner of the British Mouses
of Lords andC.Qniiioiis),aud a crowded
and corn-hurting condition of tilings is
the result, with a pushing fors-ats and
1 a perching of some members nflou tho
riMinullv moos OI llieir lenutts, anu mu
dodging around of .no of the many
pillars of the building when one of tln
ilestros to address the president, and
the furious ringing of his bell almost
contiiiiwsly during the sosslon, call
ing for order, and the sobering shouts
nf Mitviti iU smuviiirles irolng on
montboiPsimultaneously demand hoar
lug from different parts of the house,
and lather thO.isolves in their frantic
and heated efforts to be heard, and
only sure of that when drawing
laughter by a joke, or hisses by attack
ing somebody or something. The lan
guage is quick and sharp, the usual faca
iiiustached and whiskered, the gestures
jerky, exorbitant and powerless. Tho
policy of the Government is always to
delay the House getting in order as
long as possible after tho hour sot, and
to make it adjourn as soon as possible
without having done tuO thing; while
tho policy of tho mombers at large is
to havo tlino enough to deliver their
orations. The peoplo aro hardly yot
aware of what are the truo functions of
a legislative body, and yet thoy aro pa
triotic enough to fool satisfaction lu hav
ing ono great honor in being its mem
bers, ami a general confidence in tho
King from the west, that, no matter how
many mistakes they may make, he is
jtlll strong enough and able enough to
keep them right side up. Jn the same
luflosure with the palace of the Legis
lature are tho old church and much
Oner pnlaco of Priuco-Archblshop Ga
lenic Mlclesou, the Gi-eok metropolitan,
the stumpy colonnade of the church
being terribly and hideously frescoed
with souls burning in purgatory, as if
in warnlug to all who join such a
church that they may know what to
exiuvt hertwlter. and hml bettor keep
aut of it entirely. X J', Mmt and Jix
I - ' 0 I
Work the oftbbnfu plants often
titruigdry wwHthcr. Koop the bui-(mo
oxl and thv lopuoll as looio m po-
JOE BRANT'S WATCH.
TJip lll-tory or it Tln'iP-rlf co SpiiI to Aiiiit
lcn lylPirBO H'.
An ancient silver time-piece, valua
ble for its historical associations no
less than for its antiquity, is owned by
Mr. Daniel Minthorn, of Watertown.
N. Y. It weighs five and a quarter
1 1 o-.n rmiiM old: vet It
.,.,,1 1! '-,n vniirs
kcops good time when wound, and has i
not ben ropaired since ion. . j u"
WHICH lri OI
the nattern Known as mu
"British bulls-eye." and is an inch and
...... .... I., ,.f 11 K-nr '
The face is of silver,
ill mill UIH.'K.
nf tiTrnVs. both tho Arabic and Horn;
numerals appearing. H bears tho
mark of the maker, Thomas Linhard,
.. r .....i,. .,.,,1 tin. iiiunber 110. A
Ul nuiiui'u, ,n n.v. .- --
v,,.m-ch thromrh ancient directories
the citv of London, made by Mr
I thorn at the Centennial Exposition, ro
1 vcied the fact that this jeweler did
business on Fleet street, between tho
years 10.18 and 1658. The works look
' as substantial as though tunOl out
' yesterday. A tiny chain that winds
, around a drum takes tho place of the
1 spring in modern watches, and the cog
wheel and pivots are all large and
i heavy. Tho silver casos are very
thick. The works can be removed
1 from the case or box, and when inside
are retained in place by a thick crystal
i that would flatten a bullet.
! When Sir William Johnson owned
Johiwmtown, In Montgomery County,
I this State, and laid claim to consider".-
I ble other land, he was a great favorite
with ICino- Ceortro III. AsQ mark of i
his favor tho King sent t'(& watch
across the water to the nobleman. That
was just before the war of the Hevolu-
tlon. and wiicn Jos'ph Brant, the In- j
ditui leader, started on his death- I
spreading expedition up tho Cherry j
valley, Sir William gave him the time- !
piece as an incentive to deeds of J
violence ami piimgo ag.misi uu..- ,
ists. Thayendanega, as Brr, was j
termed in the Indian tongue, promised
to bring back forty white scalps in re- ,
turn for the gift. Settlers were massa-
creu oy me score, urn. urani s o.iiuui
tiou suffered too, and in one of the (
dashes the riots made agaiii' his
-ear this watch w captured. '
One of the few ffiimeu who escaped
:he Indiiius was" Irs. Mabie, who lied
by the lignt of tho burning stacks and
barns of her homestead to the woortj i
Sho had her two babies under her arms,
uid all hid under a huge root in tho
orest on the banks of Orris Kill CreekJ
While the Indians wore near the heroic
mother choked her infants' cries and
was forced to throw water in their
faces to revive them. After tho savages
had departed sho walked
. . I
miles to Schohaire with the babies.
One of these was afterward the mother
of Daniel Minthorn, the present owner
of the watch. The time-piece fell into
the hands of Evart Van Ep0. a revolu
tionary olliei, and by marriage into
the Minthorn family, where it has re
O.ained ever since. Two years ago a
big monument was unfiled a'oBant
ford. Out., to tho memory of tho old
rhayendenega. Tho residents invited
Mr. Minthorn to come with his watcli
and take part in tho exercises and of
fered him 100. The old gentleman
refused very indignantly, and wrote' to
the Monument CoiOaitteo: "Do you
suppose I would assist in a celebration
to do honor to a man whose only good
deed that !uQ.- of was his neglect to
ito scalj) my mother?" X. 1".
Huli s Whlrli Will MnltB Thine Who
servp Tlioni Popular l'.ivorltex.
Never try to outshine, but to pleaso.
Never press a favor where It seems
NtnQ- intrude ill-honith, pains, losses
Never 'jnnvoidably wound tho feel
ings of a Trunin a being.
Never talk or laugh aloud In public
places or upon the street
ovor lorgei mat vulgarity na
i i i 1 . ti .. i
origin in ignorance or selfishness.
Never urge another to do any thing
against his desire unless you see danger
l)n net nsk another to do what vou
lil nrit li.-t irlml tri iln inwlitt almiliii
Never omit to Qrforni a kind act
when it can bo done with any reason
able amount of exertion.
Never needlessly wound tho vanity
of another or dllato unnecessarily upon
Do not make witticisms at tho
ponse of others which you would
wish to have made upon yourself.
Hoiuember that good manners
thought filled with kindness and ro
llnemeiit and then translated into bo
havior. Be not ostentatious in dress and de
portment; nothing can be more vulgar.
See that costumes fit the time and oc
casion. Bo rude to nono; rudeness harms not
ovon thcO""ihlost and poorest to whom
It is directed but it injures tho ox
hlbltors. Never treat superiors with sorvlllty
or inferiors with arrogance. Speak as
kindly to a day laborer as ono occupy
ing a high position.
Always give precedence to elders,
visitors mid superiors. Offer them the
best seat tit the tablo, the bust place by
tlie tiro and tho first of ovory thing.
(So further than more form and see-that
they are comforUblo and happy. J)es
Coal is now found in about thirty
litft i-t 'it Muu of the Unlou and seven
IVi-rium.ttj. lu 1HS7 the little SlaUt of
Uii-.a - l-;.tud .applied li.OoO totu out
u Hi i.nul product U 1W.W6.5 tons.
-A German chemist has found that
Jtuoroforin may be deUM-Usl in the
iuun uti. inula four wyU after death.
SWIMMERS OF FAME.
IVntior the Poet Hjron, Itpiijnmln Frank
lin mill Oilier Noted Men.
The recent feat of Stovo Brodle, the
uowsboy, who a few years ago leaped
from Brooklyn bridge, in swimming
from Albany to New York in a little
over six days, thus beating Captain
Paul Boyton's record, is without paral-
jej jn tll(, hjgt0ry of swimming.
Even Loander, who nightly swam
across the Hellespont, a distance of
f mllcs to vtsit his lady-love, would
.... . . . .. .
probably have demurred at a six-days'
trip. The u.ifortunato lover was finally
drowned while making his nightly voy
age, but this lias not deterred several
who wished to imitate his example.
Lord Byron, who was well developed
in liis arms and chest, succeeded in
swimming the Hellespont In an hour
and twenty minutes, and it is much to
be doubted If a lover over made better
time. Tho poet was a great swimmer
and proud of his accomplishment, yet
ho nearly lost his life at ono of tho
English watering places, being rescued
in an exhausted condition by the lookers-on.
The English channel has long been a
favorite resort for swimming feats.
Captain Boy ton swam across from
France to a little town In Kent in less
than a day, while Captain Webb, thir
teen years ago, swam from Dover to
Calais, a distance of thirty miles. In
twenty-two hours and forty minutes.
On" of England's Admirals, who
rose to his position from that of a cabin
boy, got his first, commission for his
prowess as a swimmer. During the
naval war between England and Hoi
laud two centuries ago tho Admiral ol
tho English fleet found that he was lost
unless he could communicate with a
number of his vessels that were hidden
from his sight beyond a projecting point
of land. Tho only way to send an order
to these vessels was by swimming, for
it would have been impossible for any
boat to make tho passage. A cabin
boy, a strong, athletic young follow,
who had run away to sea. undertook to
carry the order. Holding it in his
mouth he swam through the smoke of
the battle to tho reserve vessels,
brought them up in time, and saved the
Tho annals of our navy record many
similar gallant deeds of sailors whoO
have risked their lives in tho filter,
while every year the Government
awards medals to people who have
saved others from drowning by their
ability to swim. Indeed, ono of the
greatest of Americans. B'jamin Frank
lin, was a famous swimmer, and wrote
tnt, .i.i.i! iV"liii uiiKiunt iirli1i)i iiPit in.
WlJUU CJVi.JJJU M IliUU l VJ
toresting reading, row men have pos
sessed such command over thenftlvea
in the water as ho, for he was not only
able to lly a kite while iloating, but on
one occasion floated asleep on the water
for an hour. While in England, work
ing at his trade of printer. h'r) swim
ming iQats caused him to bo so much
talked about that at ono time ho had
serious thoughts of opening a swim
The exploit of Brodie will doubtless
lead many to undertako risks ox long
distance swimming, but it will do far
more good if it awakens general inter
est in an accomplishment which is not
only likely to prove of great uso to it?
possessors, but which can honestly be
classed as an innocent and healthy
iiinusoniont. Button Globe.
DOZENS OF DEFINITIONS.
' Heail Tin-in, unil Then You Will jU'Of'
i What Constitutes u I.hiIjt. O'
j To answer this qustion, wo will
again have recourse to the dictionaries,
j Johnson defines a lady as a woman ol
i high rank; an Illustrious or ominent
woman; a woman one of the fair sex;
a mistress, importing power and
i dominion, as lady of the manor. This
I is broi(l)enough, U would scorn.
O Stormonth giveHaieso definitions: A
woman of distinction or rank; tho wife
of a titled gentleinan;thotitloof daugh
ters of peers of the first three grades;
a familiar term applied to the inistrQi
or female head of a house of tho better
class: a woman in any station of life who
is possessed of refined manners und
kindness of heart, and generally whoso
character is adorned with those Chris
tian and social virtues which moil most
love and esteem in women; a torm of
courtesy applied to any respectable
female. The fifth of thO above defini
tions Is a remarkably good one, if it
were not narrowed by tho idea that
Christianity alone comprised all tho
Webster's definitions may bo next
considered. A lady, ho tells us, is a
woman who looks after tho domestlo
affairs of a family; a mistress, the
female head of a household; a woman
of social distinction or position; tho
fonilnlno corresponding to lord. In
England, ho further says, it is a title
prefixed to the name of any woman
whoso husband Is not of n lower rank
than a knight, or whoso fathor was a
nobleman not lower than an earl; also,
a woman of gentle and rellnud manners;
the feminine corresponding to gentle
man; a wife or spoiiso.
Worcester is moro satisfactory, It
would seem, in his definition, at least
to the American notion of what consti
tute a lady. Only ono of his dotlnltious
need be quoted. Ho says n lady is a
term of complaisance applies! to almost
any well-dressed woman, but nppro
prlately to one of refined manners and
education. Motion JhraUI.
Among tlie latoet establish man U
in Now York Is ono that rents the linen
portion of bridal ixitdU. They are
tanned at fiuia $2 to $10 per month,
the httU'r being the OuUlde limit of
time occupied by the average wedding