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About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 2, 1887)
WOMAN AND ARTIST.
I thought to trio tno a namo
Should ring In tho car of the worldl
IIor cnn I work with smalt pink fists
About my fingers curlodf
Then adieu to nanio and to fame I
They scarce aro worth at tho best
One touch of this wet little, warm llttto mouth
With Its Hps njnlnst my breast.
I Allco Williams Brothcrton In The Century.
A FAMOUS DUELIST.
About half wpy up tho Ruo du Jour, near
tho St Eustaclio church, in Pari, I mi old
house, rendered conspicuous by a wide porch
nnd an cxtensivo stock In trado of china.
This, two centuries ago, was the Hotel du
Royaumont, built by Phillippo Ilurault,
bishop of Chartes nnd nbbe of Roynumont
Later on it was occupied by Francois do
Montmorency, Comto do Boutevlllo, who
mado it n generous rendezvous for tho doul
ists in Paris. All the gentlemen of the court,
eager to challengo any of their poors over
nonio lovo intrigue, or who for some personal
motive looked daggers at each other on tho
Place Itoynlo or tho Cour la Relne, met at
tho mansion in tho lluo du Jour. Hero they
wero hospitably received and entertained;
thoy were offered ft cold oollatien with wines
rd liquors before entering tho lists, nnd
thoso who hnd forgotten to bring weapons
wero provided with n goodly selection of
polished stool. Throughout the morning there
was an incessant clash of blades, each thrust
and parry being wutched with intenso in
terest by veterans, who, after old scores hnd
been wijed off, nnd tho resident surgeon hnd
bandaged tho combatants' wound, wero in
Yited, with the duelists and their seconds,' to
luucheou with tho Comto do Boutovillo.
It would doubtless Xxs a vain quest to seek,
nowadays, for a singlo representative of this
dofunct rnco of duelists, a raco to which Clio
quart evidently belonged. He mint lmvo had
ancestors among tho exquisite of tho reign
of Louis "3CIII, tho swash bucklers of tho
Ilotel do Uoynumont, or the splendid corps of
musketeers of Louis XV. Choquart's muiiiu
for dueling, bis over recurring provocations
todecidu n difference at tuo sword's point
mado of him n public character; and Ills repu
tation was perhaps heightened rathor than
diminished by tho fact that his niont torriblo
challenges wero unable to withstand tho offer
of ft jwacef ul solution over a bowl of punch.
His guileless talk nnd southern accent, his
peculiar way of lisping and other phyhlcnl
oddities, gavo to his daily Odyssey a smack
of tho most genuino comic buffoonery.
When tho maniu for fighting was strong
within him It was dilllcult to evndo his mood.
Ono duy ho would outer a coffeo house, toko
n seat and say to u near neighbor:
"After you, Tho Figaro, pleaso."
"Sir," tho oilier would politely respond, "it
Is not Tho Figaro hut lho Const itutlounel
that I nm reading."
"Oh! you would givo mo tho Ho, would you?
Tal;o care, sir, or, by Godl I'll tench you bet
On another occasion ho would introduco a
liko sceiio after this fashion:
"Now, don't keep staring nt mo in that of'
feiislvo manner, plcnsol"
"I," expostulated tho customer. "Lord bless
mo, Mr, 1 didn't oven seo you. 1 was looking
tho other way."
"Oh! then 1 am u liar, nm I?" And Clio
quart would rise from his seat in a threaten
Even tho most jienceful person could
scarcely put up with such inrolence. I hoy
felt liku tucking up their ilcevct nnd knock
ing Choquurt down. Nor did ho fail, at
times, to meet with hi detnrU. He moro
than once stumbled on a Tartar. His best
known hern no that way is worth relating.
Choquurt ono day entered a courtyard to
challenge a master builder, who was pump
ing water (it it louutitiii. i ho muter builder
looked up surprised, caught hold of Choquurt
by tho bcriiff of his neck, doubled him up,
put him under tho pump and soused him liko
n. dead rat.
Tho btory of Choquart's adventures would
All iv volume, but 1 will relate only one,
wherein 1 acted as his second.
One uilit, at a masked ball, Choqimrt
quarreled with n Turk. Cards wero ex
changed. Tho following hy Choquurt, with
his two seconds, weni to his adversary's
bouse. Tho Turk of tho previous evening
turned out to lio n well to do upholsterer, who
carried on business in tho Saint .Martin
quarter. On entering the promises Choqimrt
inquired niter il. Uullu.
"Whut can Ido for you!" asked a young
nnd pretty woman, who caino forward from
tho back of tho shop.
"Stuff and nonsense! I don't liko joking in
matters of serious iuiiKirtauce. My iiamo is
Choquurt. 1 come for an affair of honor. A
gentleman bhouldii't U mado to wait In this
manner. Your husband is an ill bred dog."
"Oh, excuse me, now I know what brings
you. This is whut I havo to say. My hus
band went out yesterday to spend the carni
val, ami it has mudo him ill. Ho is in bed,
mid spits blood."
"Dear me," remarked Choqimrt, turning
toward his seconds, "what a mischance! He
eplts blood, did you say!"
"Alas I yes, sir," answered tho young
woman, who seemed much affected, "and the
doctor sayr that lie has not six months to live."
"Dear me!" went on reiwatiiig Choqimrt,
"spits blood. How shall wo settle matters,
thenf Hasn't six mouths to live. Well,
niudumc, I'm not a bad fellow, whatever
others nmy think. Now listen to what I have
to bay. Wo aro in Jauunry, aren't we! Just
bo. Well, VtX givo your husband six months
to bo buried in. 1 shall call around nnd pay
my nqecu tlx mouths hence. If, in July
next, your husband isn't dead and buried, I'll
treat him us a kuavu mid deceiver, and pla
card bis name in all the barracks of Paris."
This threat, which constantly fell from
Choquart's lli, was u rvnitiilseeneo of his
soldier life. The thought never suggested
itself that an upholsterer might not euro the
jlnglo of a brass farthing whether his iiamo
were plucui-ded or not in all tho barracks of
One Hue afternoon in July of that same
year, Cheqmirt took hold of my arm at tho
Vurietes coffee house, and said:
"Come along with me, old loy;I haven
email inatier w hlch I really must clear up
without further loss of time."
Wo took a road which lid toward tho Saint
Martin quuit.r, and, as wu walked along,
Choquurt entered circumstantially into the
particulars of tho case. Tho upholsterer'
day of reckoning hud arrived, and Choquurt
was bent on lluding out whether hi former
Turk had mid the funeral draft indorsed six
months pre luiisly by his wife,
"Jf," soliloquized Choquurt, "the rogue is
still nllve, I'll cut off both liis ears, you know,
Pm justilied in to doing, am I not I"
"Of course you are, my dear fellow. Hut,
let me ask, tho thing occurred long ago,
didn't it, and in tho carnival season I And
again, w 1ml did tho fellow do toivarrant tuab
"What did bo do, tho vlllalnl Jtut litton
' and Pli tell you. 1 was at a marked ball
.given at the Renaissance theatre. I walked
into tho greenroom in my dnws suit I am
spare of limb, at you can see. Suddenly
u Turk stopped directly iu front of mo nnd
bawled out: 'Halloo, tbeiu coo the Fat Ox
Mako war. nleaso. for tho Fat OxP Every
body roared nt this sally.' I was downright
voxed, as you may supiwso. Bo I mado up
to him and safdi 'My merry friend, at noon
to-morrow you shall bo a dead mnnr
"ne was in tho wrong, certainly," 1 pleaded,
"to insinuate so invidious ft comparison bo
tween a thin man liko you and a fat ox;
We had reached our destination. Enter
ing the shop, we came upon M. Ballu, tho up
holsterer, who, all budding nnd blooming,
was busy working at a parcel of goods.
"Oh, that's your littlo game, is it!" began
Choquurt. as soon as ho set his eyes on his in
tended Victim. "You'ro alive, Uienf I
thought as much. But you don't play the
monkey with mo any longer, Mister Turk;
you're caught tho wrong sow by tho ear this
time, let. mo tell you I" '
"M. Choquartl" exclaimed tho merchant.
"Yes, Mr, my iiamo is Choquart Cho
quart, do you hear, sir! who'll havo none of
this tomfoolery. Your wife whoro Is she,
your wifef She's young and pretty, but
wants to run a rig upon me. Your wife, I
say, averred that you were on your last legs
nnd would bo as dead as a herring iu less
than six months, and hero you are, olive nnd
kicking. Now, is that tho way you keep
"Ah I M. Choquart," rejoined the merchant,
who had romowhat recovered from his first
fright, "I havo been ill, very ill, indeed.
You'll never see mo don tho Turkish curb
again. 'Tis over now. Bo let mo ask you to
forgive and forget nny improper thing I may
have said on that eventful night."
"Ono moment," said Choquart, "not quito
so fast, pleas. Do you tender your excuses
in' the regular form? '
"faith, I don't quito understand what form
that is. But this I know, for I havo inquired
about you and Isarned that you wero a rigflt
good fellow. Come, I have n roasted leg of
mutton with kidney beans, will you do mo tho
honor to dins with me, you and your friend I
My wifo will be overjoyed. Aglae, why don't
you come? Hero Is M. Choquart who accepts
nn invitation to dine with us."
Of course I nodded assent, whllo It was not
over difllcult to read on Choquart's relaxing
countenance that tho roasted leg of mutton
hnd found tho way to his heart.
"Then, again," added M. Ballu. who now
felt that he had the gnmo in his own hands,
I have a certain Madeira about which I
would liko to have your opinion, M. Cho
"You have no Mndoira, sir," retorted Cho-
qunrt, with a deep frown over his eyelids.
"1 say you havo uo Madeira, sir." ex
claimed the duelist, raising his voice and
gesticulating liko n madman. And please
tnko notice that I nm not to bo contra
dicted on this point. I havo drunk but ono
glass of geuulno Madeira during tho wholo
courso of my lifo. 'Twos at the Tullsrics.
Yes, sir, I had just recovered from sick
ness, nnd wns on duty at tho king's dinner.
A gla; of Madeira having been poured out
for Ixmls XVIII, his majesty, turning to
ward tho cup bearer, said: 'Hnnd that to
Choquart, nnd givo. him my compliments.'
Uo you hear mo now"
"But, Monsieur Choqimrt, I nssuro you"
"1 sny that you havo no Madeira, sir,"
screeched Choquart, who hnd grown furious,
mid brought his hand down with torriilo
force on tho wooden counter. "If you onco
moro dare to say that you have Madeira
wino I'll tear your bend clean off from your
bhouldersl And what elso did you say you
"Well," said tho merchant, who wns some
what staggered nt this sudden fit of passion,
"Pvo a leg of mutton with kidney beans."
"A leg of mutton," said Choquart, in a
soft tono of voice, "that's good, when well
roasted. Hut I'm confident 'twill bo over
done. Have you got such u thing as a spit!"
"A spit! 1 should say I had," burst out M.
Ballu, with kindling eyes. "Only just pass
this way, gentlomcn, nnd sou for yolirselvcs."
Tho merchant led us into a coiufortablo
buck shop, which nuswered tho purposo of n
dining room. Thero on tho hearth, iu front
of n bright blazing fire, a tine leg of mutton
majestically turned on a spit, like tho planet
round the sun.
"Thnt looks nice," remarked Choquart,
after a moment of silent contemplation.
"You are not altogether an idiot. A man
who knows tho worth of a spit deserves to
live. But why don't you basto your leg of
mutton!'1 Ho saying Choquart took up tho
ladlo and began pouring over the meat the
rich steaming juice. At that moment tho
merchant's wife came in.
"Ah, good day, luiidume, good day to you!"
snld Choquart, as he leant, over and deluged
tho savory roast. "Well, you see what has
happened. Your husband isn't dad after
all, Dear me, how shall wo got to arrange
tho mutter! 'Tis very provoking, very."
"Alas, sir, 'twas a sovero trial. Ood, in his
goodness, has sjiaivd his life. I trust tho
lesson will be of servico to him."
"God, iu his goodness!" went on muttering
Choquurt. "TlmCi all very well. Hut wo
haven't settled our littlo diilleulty ns yot,"
"Como now, Choqunrt," said I, interrupt
ing him pretty sharply, "we've had enough
on that score. M. Ballu has tendered you his
best excuses iu my presence, and cordially
invites you to dinner; what moro do you
"Dear me," said Choqunrt, still fascinated
by' tho leg of mutton, "I do think it is bo
giuning to burn at tho joint."
Tito diilleulty was now over, and tho duelist
completely disarmed. Wo all had dinner.
Choquurt recounted his duels to tho uphol
sterer, and drank with great gusto his
Choquart died iu poucrty. For over
twenty years ho hnd Jivwl on a sninll pension
granted him by tho Comto do Chanibo-1.
When, however, he received 600 francs, his
wont was to give his friends u supper which
cost the same sum, so that on certain days of
tho year ho went supperless to bed. Still, he
ho was extremely punctilious in money mat
tens Boston Courier Translation from tho
French of Auguste Villemot.
Shooting at tin) Shah's Yacht.
Tho bhuh of Persia is coming to Europe
next April, and will visit all of the prlnciiml
capitals, invitations having been received at
lehcrun from Ixuidon, Petersburg mid Paris.
Tho shah is to travel overland, ns his dignity
will not Kruiit him to cross the Caspian sea
in a Russian steamer. The Persian ting was
formerly paramount In these waters, but it
has seldom been seen in tho Caspian since a
tragical affair which recently occurred at
,Bucku. The shah's yacht was entering tho
harbor with the rersiim Uug (lying, when a
shot was fired from tho fort, which struck
tho water near her, lho Persian captain
thought ho was being saluted by the Rus
shins, nnd pursued his course,; but present!)'
three more shots came in rapid succession,
each one in more dangerous proximity 'to the
vessel, wherewith he hauled down 1 90 Hag.
The Uussians are morbidly tenacious on such
points iu eastern waters, but this manifesta
tion of real was regarded as llltlmed at St,
Petersburg, tho obnoxious vessel lieing a
royal yacht, and it Is said that the bhuh was
so enraged that ho caused his lucklits cap
tain's head to bo chopped off. Iondoii Truth.
Russia will celebrate, on Oct. 90, tho fiftieth
anniversary of tbooeiiingof her first rail
road. Tho country has uowr 17,000 miles of
ONE OF THEM GIVES SOME OF
No False 'Whisker nml Hair Dyo Dis
guises Tho Class of Otiest Who Occupy
Their Attention Sneak Thloves nil
Swindlers In Hotels Kxtra Work.
Ono of tho best known of tho hotel detec
tives of New York is Mr. David J. Lnrkins,
,who, allhougji young in years, has hnd a
great deal of valuable cxporienco in tho de
tective line, no is n flno looking man, but
could go anywhere without attracting sicclal
attention for nny jeculiarities. Of him, a
reporter recently mndosomo inquiries regard
ing the work of a hotel detective.
"The very essence of good detective work
is to be good shndower," said Mr. Lnrkins.
"You want to bo able to follow 11 man from
the timo he gets up until he is in bed ngnill,
and never let him know that ho is being fol
lowed; you must watch him, but must never
attract his nttcntion. And this Is not done
by any potty personal disguises, such as tho
story looks nnd weekly pajH-i-s tell nbout.
Detectives don't go around with their jocl;els
filled with false whiskers and hair dye, nor
do thoy change their clothes every half hotu
whon they iuo fol, owing a man. If yon fol
low u man from ono city to another it N some
times well to shave off your muMocheorhutr
your hair cut a different style, but, thero Is r
limit to nil that sort of inevs. That V
scril)C8 detective work iu general, and t'r r
Is nothing which radically distinguishes ho''
detectives from others."
'Tint what nrn tlin K'teritil fiinf iMenliar dr
ties of a hotel detective?1'
"It is tho business of n hotel directive, fir
of nil, to keep nn eyo on nil 'arrivals nt tlr
hotel. Of course, it is impojsihlo lor liim !
stand nt tho door nt all hours and minut
noto tho physiognoinyif every man who up
prouchcH with a grisaek in his hand, but
within a few hours after n stranger has ar
rived the dotcctio is supposed to bnvo seen
him and sized him up. Tho greater inrt of
the guests in nny hotel nro always either (ht
mniicnt residents there, or, at least, very reg
ular transients. That is to say, of all those
persons from out of town who may l stop
ping nt a hotel at n particular time tho ma
jority hnve put up nt tho samo phico before.
With all these regular guests the detectivo is
supposed to bo acquainted just ns thoroughly
as the clerk is, nnd as soon as ono of them
codich into the houso ho is supposed to be nblo
to recall everything ho over know nbout lho
mnn. But every actual stmnger is to lw
bo noted and observed until the detectivo is
satisfied that he is straight. So long ns ho
has any doubts nbout a man at all ho is to
keep thnt man under watch. Of course, how
ever, this does not menu that a detectivo is to
niuko himself conspicuous in following every
irinn nbout whom ho does not happen to
know. Ho is to oxcrciso judgment in tho
"What class of criminals frequent tho big
"First of all, tho high grodo class of snenk
thief. One of this class will take (I room at n
ilrst class hotel for tho opportunities ho may
have to go through tho rooms of the other
guests. Such a mnn will post himself nbout
the peoplo in tho houso just as thoroughly as
a detective would. Ho will obscrvo tho
people who havo tho best clothes, the most
money and finest jewelry, nnd ho will Jearn
whoro each ono has his room. Then ho will
learn something about tho hours they keep,
and soni'time whon thoy nro nwny he will go
through their rooms. Tho favorite timo for
such operations is dinner timo. Having
selected the rooms to lw gono through ho lets
himself in with a skelet -n koy, and solects
whatever ho can best get nwny with. These
professionals can tell very quickly just whore
tho ordinary man or woman will hide valua
bles, nnd it does not tuko them long to go
through a room. Thon thoy skip out. On
such expeditions crooks do not carry much
baggage, although, for tho sako of appear
unco, they mny havo a big valiso or trunk
stuffed with bricks and qld papers. Conse
quently when they mako a haul they do not
hesitoto to abandon nil their bnggnge, and it
is needless to say thnt thoy forget to pay their
"And how do you look out for such fellows!"'
"Well, ns I said bofore, if wo seo nnything
suspicious about a man wo wntch him, nnd if
wo seo thnt a guest is unduly inquisitive re
garding tho pln of tho houso thnt is sus
picious. If wo find n man wandering about n
hull where he has no business wo watch where
he goes, and if wo seo him several times thnt
way wo set regular watch upon him, nnd
caution tho servants to look out for him. It
may Ik) that, such a limn is simply a masher,
trying to flirt with ono of tho fciunlo guests,
or simply following 0110 of tho chambermaids
nbout. But it is alwnys well to watch a man
wlien yon see him wnndering about tho hall
ways a great deal with noiippnrcntobject."
"But you cannot keep n watch on a man all
"That is true, and, becnuso wo enn't, wo
sometimes got left, I roniomber the enso of a
man w ho camo hero several, years ago, nnd
hnd the nam of Watson. I saw him whon ho
first ennio in, and, from tho looks of his eyes, I
thought he was a thief. When ho wns register
ing 1 tried to tell tho clerk not to let him lmvo
n room, but the clerk did not notico me, nml
ho cave him a room now used for washing
dishes. This room haA a window near tho
ceiling, opening into nn adjoining room
whero a lawyer wns stopping. Well, I
watched that fellow close for nearly n week,
and saw nothing wrong. Finally the lawyer
went over to Baltimore, nnd iu the afternoon
I was sent down town to cash a check. When
I got Kick I could not see tho fellow Watson,
and after a time I went into his room. Thero
wero scratches on tho wall under the window
I fK)ko of, and the dust had lieen brushed off
from the sill. Two days afterward the law
yer returned and found that bo was minus
000 worth of clothes. Watson had walked
right out tho sido door, and as ho was a gen
teel looking fellow, tho sido door man never
bothered him at all. Well, I watched for
that fellow for n mouth, and thon I saw him
ono day just about to register nt tho Grand
Central hotel. I touched him on tho arm and
told him to como with me. Ho was very in
dignant, and declared ho did not oven know
where tho Now York hotel was. I showed
him where it wns, and when tho clerk recog
niied him, too, ho weakened. Wo recovorcd
tho clothes from n Philadelphia pawnbroker,
and ono on tho Bowery, ami Watson went up
for three years." New York Commercial
Morotlnl's Home 011 the Hudson,
Tho homo of Mr. Giovanni P. Morosini, nt
Kiverdule, on tho Hudson, hns many other
peculiar and nttractivo features beside the
museum of miliUry arms, about which so
much has Ihsmi published. Persons driving
along Hiver avenue iu front of tho house aro
greeted by th cries of parrots nnd other
tropical birds. Iu tho kennels aro a score or
more of dogs, tho stables contain nearly ns
many horses, while n tlock of sheep graze iu
lho meadow ticyond along with a herd of rare
cattle, New York Tribune,
Thoro nre two ministers in tho Fiftieth
congress Stewart, of Georgia, and MuKiu
noy, of Naw Hampshire,
FOR KERAMICAL MANIACS.
There's Joy without canker or cark,
There's a pleasure eternally new
Tis to gloat on the glazo nnd tho mark
Of china that ancient and blue;
Unchlpped all tho centuries through
It has passed, slnco the clilnio df It rang,
And they fashioned it, figure and hue.
In tho reign of the Emperor Hwang.
Theso dragons (their tails, you remark,
Into bunches of glllyfloirerB grew),
When Noah camo out of his ark
Did theso lay In wait for bis crew J
Thcv snorted, they snapped and they slow,
They were mighty of fin nnd of fang,
And their portraits Celestials drew
In tho reign of tho Emperor Hwang.
Ilero's a pot with a cot In a park.
In a park where peach blossoms blow.
Where tlio lovers eloped In tho dark,
f Lived, died and were changed Into two
Bright birds that eternally flew
Through tho boughs of tbo may as they sang;
Tis a tale was undoubtedly true,
In the reign of tho Emperor nwang.
Como snarl at my ecstasies, do,
Kind critic, your tonguo has a twang,
But a sage never, never needed a shrew
In tho reign of the Emperor Hwang.
Andrew Lang In Detroit Free Press.
Witty nnd Incisive Comments on Cnr
A Kentucky farmer has trained a lot of
monkeys to work in his hemp fields. Woll,
3110 soweth, another reapeth. Many a man
has reaped a harvest of hemp becauso of
monkeying around too much.
CLOSE AFTER HIM.
Tho great American condor lays its eggs on
tho surface of rocks 15,000 feet abovo tho
level of tho sea. That's pretty high for eggs,
but at tho latest market quotations tho com
mon American hen wasn't very far below
tho condor. A rise of another cent or two
dozen will put the hen on top.
A COLD FLACE FOH EMPEIIOIIS.
Scientists noto a great diminution of forest
trees in Russia and say it is becauso tho cli
mate is growing colder ail tho time. Russia
has always been a cold place to grow treason.
That is to say, it has tho Slberiast climate in
tho world. Now don't sny that's Don thin,
my son. Neva bo Volga, even for tho sako of
Russia-in a joko. Thero now, tako tho com
bination and nin it out. I like to see you
manT on time.
Tm forry I can't accommodate yon, Mr.
Papcrwait," said Mrs. McKerrel, shaking her
head resolutely, ns Eho often did of a Satur
day overling, "but nil my boarders settlo
weekly; my motto is 'Pay us you go.' " "Oh,
yes," exclaimed Pnporwait, cheerfully, "60 is
mine, so is mine. But I'm not going yet, you
know; I'll bo hero six months yet." Aud a
happier man nover vetoed a bilL
A REOULAIl PINNACLE.
After leaving tho railway station, which
was in tho middlo of a prairie, tho travelers
drovo down hill half a day and at sunset
halted at Summit heights, tho new cummer
resort "Great Scottl" roiAxl the indignant
tourists, "is this basin your idea of a moun
tain! Your prospectus says your houso is
1,300 feet nbovo the level of tho sen." "So it
is, gents," replied Barnbhss, tho host, for it
was he, "so it is; nbovo tho level of tho Dead
Sea, That's nigh about 1,400 feet lower than
tho bottom of tho ocenn, I reckon." And
when tho tourists thought upon their homes
In tho Catskills which thoy hnd abandoned
iu search of summer board, they lifted up
their voices nnd wept, whereupon Barabbns
charged them extra bus fare for expressing
emotion. And it was so.
BEYOND THE IIUEAKEIIS.
"This is Puro Old Government Rio, is it,
Mr. Lightweight!" asked tho customer.
"Oil, yes," replied tho grocer, "that's coffeo
"But you charge as much for it ns you did
List week, and I have been toldhat tho panic
in the coffeo market hud reduced tho prico
'Oh yes, I know," snid tho honest grocer,
abstractedly removing u handful of grains
from tho scnlas to mako them weigh more,
"but you know n break iu tho coffeo market
has no effect on tho prico of chicory. Thero
you ure; 1Y cents a pound, nnd ns you'ro an
old customer I've put up ilvo pounds for $1 ;
the nutmegs 11 cents, soup IS, yeast cakes 4,
clothespins 23 that, was a $3 bill you gavo
me! Yes, yes, $1.81 out of $2; yes, yes, 11
cents, here you are; much obliged; call again.
Oh no, we mako 110 chargo for delivering
ALL OUT FOtt WAYIUCIC!
"Oh, Rowenn," exclaimed Voltigem Tape
aieusure, dropping on his knees without n
itruggle, "your beauty fires my heart"
'My oVughtcr," said old Hengist Whent
:orner, entering tho room, "I will divido tho
Mntrnct with you; I will fire tho rest of him."
Which he did.
WITH ONE II OUT.
Wo linvo received n prospectus of "Seven
Gables," which is the nnino of a girls' school,
it is on excellent school, but wo don't tuko
much stock in tho new sixdling reform that
leaves out ono of nil double letters.
A PILGRIMAGE OF SIGnTS.
"Lifo has been for me ft succession of snd
blows," said Mr. Breather. "Ahi" said tho
new pastor, sympathetically. "Yos, indeed,"
replied tho parishioner; "I've had tho asthma
"Bring hither, bring hither my red bandbox,
Bring hither my bandbox green,
And my bandbox brown from London town
And my box of silvern sheen.
"And It's oh for my trunk of leather tough
Aud my trunk of oak ribbed rinc,
Vnd my trunk so tough, of canvas stuff,
That will bulge, but will not shrink.
"Oh, pile them high with the robes I wear.
Till their lids they overtlow; ,
My lord ho will stare, aud eke ho will swear,
But Iu they will have to go."
"Oh, waly, waly, my ladye fair,
Now whither and will yo tlee!"
"To Mount Saint llushallof-Worri-Ancalr
On Coayile by-the-Sea."
rhey havo selzen her boxes ono and aU,
In tho Tavern Lafltte do Kidd,
and loudly for help the porters call,
As they stack them up in entry nnd hall,
And pllo them high against bulkhead and wallj
Uut wherever they stow them, great and small.
Far out of her reach they are slid.
tier room Is a cell a fathom long,
Her bed is a thing of fears,
SVhero all ntgiit long tho uolseless song
Of tho wingless bird she, hears.
And her lord ho lies In a hallway lono
On a sleep destroying oot,
SVbero she hears him groan la a wrathful tono
"It's"- (Hush!) "It's" Ch! Husb!)-"hotl"
And alt this timo in their homo in town,
A mausion of cool gray stone,
riiere are peaceful glooms In seventeen rooms,
Wkre the burglar sleeps alone.
Moro Unjust Discrimination.
Omaha Girl Oh I oh!
Chicago Girl What's tho matter I
"That man winked at me,"
"That lwmlsomo man over there I"
"Yes, the bruto."
"BruUj; I should say be was a brute. Ha
itdu't tveu look at mo, Omaha World.
HOW DESERTERS WERE CAPTURED
NEAR THE END OF THE WAR.
Scn-chlns Down Men Liko Ilcnst nnd
Compelling: Them to Do Further Duty
for the South A Btrnngo Hiding Flaco.
Among tha southern soldier's duties, not
tho least important toward tho closo of tho
war was that of bringing in from tho hills
and forests and habitations in the wilderness
deserters from the army and slippery con
scripts who sought to evnilo tho service. Tho
cnlvaryman's soul delighted in this work for
a while. A detail for such an expedition
meant relaxation from tho discipline of tbo
camp, exemption from tho hardships of tho
march and variety in place of irksome rou
tine. Thero was also a spico of adventure,
for deserters would sometimes fight, though
skulking was their strong point Tho writer
was one of twenty men, under tho command
of a lieutenant, sent during tho early jwirt of
1801 Into Scott nnd Lake counties, in Missis
sippi, on ft mnn hunting errand. ' Gnmo was
abundant aid our oilleer wns provided with
n formidable list of thexo to bo tun down.
Wo took a guide from 1 neighboring county,
who ktixw tho coutitry and tho people, and
he went disguised.
The first houso wo visited wns watched in
vain for several days. Authentic informa
tion snid there should Xxs two deserters there
abouts. Two of our party lay nil night under
the building listening to tho conversation of
the inmnU's, but not n word was dropped of
ndvnntngo to our quest Openly in daylight
tho house was visited nnd diplomacy used in
vain. Tho women would not bo led into be
traying themselves oil their lords, but re
ceived with keen suspicion and reserve all our
advances. Surrounding nnd searching the
house in the small hours after midnight gavo
only our labor for our pains. Yet the into wero
known to be nt least in communication with
their homo and our orders to tako them wero
imperative. Tho visible members of tho
household were a 1h?1 ridden old woman, two
middlo aged women aud a small army of
white haired scions. A second time spies
wero plnced under tho houso nnd nlwut mid
night ono of them camo to the rendesvous
and reported that ho and his companion h.vl
hoard whispering overhead nnd believed they
hnd detected a man's voice. At onco tho
hpuso was surrounded nnd admittance de
manded. Tho door opened nml tho women
sullenly demanded to know why we con
tinued to persecuto them. They nssertod, in
tho strongest terms, that tho whereabouts of
their husbands wns absolutely unknown to
them, and declared that they had not seen or
heard of them for months. Disregarding all
their protestations we proceeded to turn tho
cabin topsy turvy. Tho scant furniture was
moved and tho loft ransacked in vain. Noth
ing remained but tho bed 011 which th help
less old woman lay. When called upon to
riso thnt it might bo overhauled sho wept and
her daughters remonstrated violently. They
vowed that she could not get up iuuI to moro
her would kill her. Tho lieutenant ap
proached to lift her, when sho sprang at him
and nttocked him with tho ferocity nnd celer
ity of a tigress. Loav.ng hfm to defond him
self ngninst her long talons, wo toro away tho
bed clothing nnd under the boards was re
vealed a box liko structure wherein lay the
objects of our search. They wero wretched,
craven looking creatures and shivered anil
whined as wo dragged their limp carcasses
Wo watched another houso for days, and
passed ft small field whero two women culti
vated n crop of corn. Tho man wo wanted
was not to bo seen. The women gave no in
dication that they knew tho nature of our
errand, but would talk nt any timo with ap
parent frankness. Tho wifo of tho deserter
said thnt her husband had abandoned her and
thnt she and his sister, who lived with her,
had a hard strugglo to keep the wolf from
tho door. We wero nil but convinced of this
fact, and t hould have been wholly so but for
tho direct and authentic maimer in which wo
hail lieen informed to tho contrary. Finally
wo wero compiled to abandon this enso from,
sheer lack of any clow to work uixm, ns, in
spito of constant nnd rigid espionage, wo
mndo no headway and saw no suggest ivo ac
tions on tho part of tho two poor women.
Tho detectivo instinct must lmvo been utterly
lacking in overy member of tho squad, for
wo learned some time after that tho alleged
sister-in-law with whom wo had frequently
conversed nnd whom wo hnd many times
seen nt work in lho field, was simply tho do
serter himself, clothed iu 0110 of his wifo's
Another caso was thnt of ft man who had
uo family. Ho was a shaggy bearded giant
and owned two old negroes, who guarded
him and tho secret of his haunts with a sa-
gncity and fidelity almost superhuman. His
habit was to lie out 111 tho woods, seldom ap
proaching tho house, and his nogro servnnts
contrived to provido for his daily sustenanco
in spito of all our efforts to prevent it It
would have been easy to prevent tho negroes
from going to him by placing them in duress,
or by removing them altogether from tho
scene. But this might havo defeated our
ends, for wo know not how closo tho hider
might bo lying nnd had 110 nssuranco that wo
ourselves were not under his observation, for
tho dense woods and thickets encroached di
rectly upon tho small clearing in which tho
houso stood. In default of a better plan, wo
nt length took measures to keep tho old
servants under close surveillance for twenty
four hours uninterruptedly. At break of day
their cabin was entered by two men and thoy
were given certain instructions and informed
that tho slightest violation or attempted in
fraction would result in immediate death to
both. But ono was permitted to pass tho door
nt a time, and tbo dead line, which lay near
at band, must not bo crossed. Thoy were
cautioned ngainst any signaling nr.d assured
that such an attempt would bo promptly
punished. Men wero lying iu ambush all
around and at dark our lmo was drawn in to
closely encircle tho buildings. Shortly be
fore midnight a stealthy form crept past mo
in the gloom and tho gnmo was in tho toil-
Swiftly passing around tho cordon I notified
tho men that Stowers had entered tho houso
aijd wo at onco took positions at every door
and window. As soon as the lieutenant's step
sounded upon tho porch tho fugitivo leaped
from 11 liack window into tlio iron grip of
Sergt Howurd. Tho man fought and bit
and swore nnd yelled liko a demon, but strong
arms bore him down and strong cords bound
his writhing limbs. His hair and board fell
down his Imik uud breast in matted masses,
his bauds nml face wero black with tho accu
mulated grime for months, and tho nails of
his fingers resembled the long curved talons
of some great bird of prey. His eyes glared
liken madman's, and every struggling motion
reminded us of those of a bullied, raging w ild
Iwast. The sight was terrible and one who
witnessed it can never forgot It.
Weeks were spent in such work, but
finally, when orders camo to rejoin our com
mawl, we gladly obeyed, for all were sated
and willing to encounter all the restraints
and lwnUhlps of a regular campaign, rather
than play blnodbouuds. longer. illhuu B.
Field iu Philadelphia Times.
She. was a woman In her proudest bloom;
I was a boy, by careless fancy led;
I loved her a3 1 loved the flowers' perfumo,
Or playful sunbeam o'er my dreaming head.
I told my love In Innocence and truth;
Her proud lip curled, sho scorned mo for my
Time passed and when does ever timo stand
Iler charms had suffered as tho years had sped;
I was a mnn 6lavo only of my will
She had ber,courtiers, but they would not wed.
Fain would she then my heart matured engage;
But no I She scorned my youth; I Epurnedher
ago. William M. Russell.
ECONOMY IN FUEL.
A Now Process by Which AVasto Conl It
Used Iteccnt Experiments.
Improved methods for obtaining artificial
heat nro always a subject of interest, nnd ex
periment; in this direction are being made nil
tbo time to get heat at as low a cost'as possi
ble. The manufacture of water gas has leen
very successful, and as it can bo produced at
a very low price, without tho nuisance of
ashes and smoke, it is growing in favor and
efforts are being mndo to run it into houses to
bo used for heating ns well as for lighting
Another method of heating which is rap
idly making its wny, if tho promoters of it
nro to be believed, is tho pulverized coal pro
cess. A company hns been formed in Phila
delphia within u short time, and within tho
next sixty days tho process will bo ready for
general use. Tho claims mado for tho method
nro many, and If one-half of them are well
founded there can bo uo doubt of its success.
Ono of tbo comiMiiiy said to day: "In this
coujitry thero aro ubout 30,000,000 tons of coal
annually wasted, being too fine for use. Of
tho total coal mined it is estimated that per
cent of waste is mado by blasting and han
dling, and that G per cent is wasted in tho
breaker. Many nttcmpts have been mnde to V
utilize tills immense amount of wastago, and
until now nothing has been successful.
"Until now only a very small quantity of
this fine dust has been used. Tho requisites
for success ore, fii"st, simplo and efficient ma
chinery to rcduco tho coal to dust nt n very
small cost; second, reduction to an impalpa
ble powder; third, nn automatic supply of
conl dust and air, each capable of being reg
ulated nt will; fourth, tho reduction of tho
coal and tlio simultaneous feeding of It with
air into U10 fire box by tho samo mnchino;
fifth, tho intimate mixture of tho fino parti
cles of coal dust with air. so that ench pnrti
clo shall Ik) surrounded by nir as it enters tho
fire box, thus insuring complete combustion.
"These conditions have been completely ful
filled by n now process. Tho method of using
tbo dust is ns follows; Tho coal, no matter
what sizo it is, is fed into a pulverizer, by
which it is ground to an impalpable powder.
This is done by menus of the friction of tho
particles, ono against tho other. After tho
coal is ground it passes through tho pulver
izer, and on coming out it is met by n current
of nir from a blower, which sends it through
a nozzlo into a combustion chamber under
neath the boiler. This combustion cbnmber
has to bo specially constmcted, nnd will lost
about as long ns tho ordinary ono whero coal
is used. The arch will last a year nnd tho
sido walls two years. Tho supply of coal dust
and air is automatically regulated, and com
plete combus ion is the result. No smoko es
caies from tho chimney, and there is 110 loss
of heat in that way. Wo feel confident that
nt least thirty-five per cent, of fuel will bo
saved by using tho machines.
"Iu Philadelphia tho past month, experi
ments hnve been mado with this process in
tho Harrison safety boiler works, and tho en
gineer mado tho statement that where 1,400
pounds of coal jer day wero used under a
small lioiler, ut n cost of 3 per ton, 000 pounds
of dust were used nt a cost of about SI per
ton. Tho machino for that boiler only costs
about $10o, nnd ho thinks there is nsaving of
at least fifty per cent. Tho cost of repairs to
tbo machino will not exceed $10 per annum.
One result of using the refuse coal will bo that
tho prico of ordinary coal will havo to como
down." Now York Post
Tho I'lebo nt "tlio rolnt."
"Fall in I" tho command was, sharply. You
should havo seen thoso green boys trying to
get in ranks. Thero wero now about 100
"beasts," and they looked liko n herd of Texas
steers, though moro subdued. After ft whils
tho "beasts," including my trembling self,
were strung out into a long, wavering line,
and n cadet corporal commenced to cnll tho
roll of candidates. Each 0110 was instructed
to answer "Hero!" Some who answered
"Present" wero nipped in tho bud and taught
ft lesson in cadet discipline. One poor fel
low, who wns rather tnidy iu replying to his
name, wns commanded to "step out anil an
swer to hii nnmo." "Step out" is tho West
Point slang to "mako hnsto," and when tho
"beast" nctunlly did step out of rank ho wns
surprised nt tho celerity with which ho was
mado to step back. Tho formation was for
dinner, and wo wore retained until tho bat
talion of cadets had started. Thoy marched
off, headed by tho drum corps, with all tho
accuracy and beauty of n vast machine.
Finally our timo came. Tbo plebes nttho
head of tho column interpreted tho meaning
of tho command, "Forward, march," and tho
procession started for tho largo granito
structure known as tho mess hall.
It was liko running tho gauntlet Ono
cadet iu tho renr of tho lino hollered nt mo in
a voico of special envy: "Drag in your chin
about a yard, mister! I want to teo Jess
slouching among you beasts; stand up, sirl"
I tried to obey. Each plebo bad his coat but
toned full up, tho palms of his hands to tho
front, nnd nil tho whilo his toes digging up
tho gravel of tho area. Philadelphia Times.
AVliut n Humorist Suys.
I think my jokes build themselves. They
get even into my business correspondence,
however bravely I resist their encroachment
Why, I nssure you that they havo even-crept
into letters of condolenco which circumstances
havo recently obliged mo to writo to tho be
reaved family of n whilom newspaper asso
ciate. I can say, though, that of tho different
styles of humorous writing, tho brief para
graph is tho hardest A column of para
graphs daily would put nny man under tho
soil iu twelvo months, whereas humorous
skotches, especially if they nro in n series, aro
tho easiest work a professional humorist has
to do. I can writoacouplo of columns of
sketches without any great mental wear, but
a half column of paragraphs makes mo long
to l 11 popular preacher going to Europo for
three months' rest nt tho cxpenso of an ad
Working up ideas for cartoons is almost as
hanl ns jKiragraphing. It is enough to com
colvo tho general idea, but to mako tho de
tails harmonious is laborious. Then It fro
quontly linppens that before you havo tho
picture coniploto iu your mind, public inter
est in its subject has died out nnd your labor
has gono for nought Alexauder E. Sweet in
Now York Commercial Advertiser.
A California paper states that a petrified
tooth of n shark was picked out of n solid
rook at a depth of thirteen feet whilo digging
a well nt Nipoino a short timo ago. Tho tooth
has retained its cuaiucl aud is highly pol