Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 13, 1887)
OREGON SCOUT. J0M18 & CHANCEY, Publishers. 17KIOV. OKK(iO!f. THE fJl TAN'S HAREMS! How Tlielr Fair Occupant Idle Awv Tliolr ftaemlncly Uiotcm Lives. Among tho many haroms in Turkey, that of tho Sultan at Constantinople is hv far tho most Important. All thcso haroms aro built in tho same stylo that Is, after tho manner of a prison and to sco one of them is to seo them all. They aro composed of many low structured buildings, surrounded by high stone walls, winch effectually prevent cvon a glimpse of tho interior and within which roigns a silence pro found. Tins is always a matter of sur prise to foreigners, and it may well be bo when wo consider the largo number of women confined there in addition to tho many attaches of tho establish ment. . Tho women aro watched over by negro eunuchs, governed by a chief, and waited upon by negroes of their own sex, all of whom aro natives of Egypt, trained from infancy for this special service. These negro women aro tall and robust, witli an abundauco of ttooIv hair, broad, flat noses and black shining skin, in marked contrast to tho men, who aro peculiarly shaped, thoir stout, short bodies and disproportion ately longlogs giving thorn agrotesquo appoarance. This is tho moro con spicuous from the fact that tlioy travel upon small Arab horsos, thoir feet nearly touching the ground. In tho harem tho women spend thoir tinio in comparativo idleness, tho bath and the toilet filling tho hours not allotted to eating and slcoping. Somo few of thoin smoke cigarettes, and singing, with a harp accompanimout, is not unusual. Their indolent nature? mako them avcrso to exercise, and thoy mostly re cline upon thoir divans. In lino wcathor thoy aro permitted to tako a drive, a certain numbor nt a time. A half-dozen carriages stop at tho harem in tho early afternoon, and arc filled witli occupants, four being tho complement of oacli carriage. Thoy woar very thin' vails, which permit any one having good sight to distinguish thoir features oven at a considerable distance. But ono must bo very care ful in approaching too near these vailed bounties, else ho may receive a stroke from tho lash of tho driver. Ono wonders often why the women wear such thin laco over thoir faces, wliilo tho free women of Constantinople are muffled in thick cotton vails, with only a small liolo for ono eye. Tho harem carriages aro mounted upon heavy springs, painted in vivid vermilion, and highly varnished. Thoy have golden ornaments and aro drawn by two horses. Tho driver is a eunuch, as aro also tho mounted guards, one at oacli door. When tho woman visit tho groat bazar, a kind of market whore all sorts of wares aro sold, tho car riages drive up in lino before tho ou tran oo, tho guards dismount, and, turn ing thoir horsos over to tho caro of tho drivers, accompany tlio women through tiio bazar. Constantinople Cor. Balti more American, ' HUMANITY A UNIT. "A Wonderfully lleniitllul Creature or the (Srneo or lod" The PoHnllilllly of Crane. Graoo is tho boautilierof tho soul. Luther says: "A Christian is a won derfully beautiful, creature of tho grace of God." Is there no loveliness in tho sweet humanity that, though adorned with many a grace, sees no bounty in itself, in admiration for the good it sees in others? Is tlioro no attractive ness In tho benovolenco that can give "to tho unthankful and to tho evil, hopping for nothing agaiuP" Is there no brightness in a chnrnotor that is tho embodiment of integrity, and that would rather sutler tho loss of all things than deprive another of the smallest of his rightsP Is there noth ing charming in a spirit of forgive ness that, in place of malicious retalia tion, shows mercy and loving-kindness and pours out its tender heart in pray er for tho enemy and tho oppressor? Is it not refreshing to meet with thoso in whom nil self-seeking is dead, and who live simply to go about doing goodP Is there nothing beautiful in the love that can persist in loving in tho faeo of bitter hate, and willingly un dergoes all kinds of suffering if only those indicting it may at last bo saved? Is there not a positive splendor in tho consecration of a life to tho uplifting of tha fullon and tho recovery of tho lost? Is nothing to bo admired in tho white llowor of a blameless life," or tho blending of a stern principle that could die for truth, with a gentleness that can bhod tears ovor tho suffering of a child, lint tho fact is, thoso are o'dy a few of tho features of tho beau tiful character of thoso who aro Christ like. And to this wo aro "called." Tilts is a possibility of grace. We can be saved into tills and up to this. Tho body of sin can bo destroyed." Hut it can only be done by a holy nature taking its place. And that hollhoe is conformity to Christ, "tho holy Ono of God." Mossed church, when nil its members, by being saved from sin, have put on tho lord Jesus Christ. Guide to Holiness, In Minneapolis tho girls have formed a society, witli tho motto: "Tho lips that touch wine shall never touch milne." Tho young men will hence forth suck it through a straw, for thoy "will never, never, never, givo up tho latter alternative in tho ultimatum of titU amdetv A NAUTICAL CHAT. Mr. McOInnlV Itecolleetlon of n Coonit nn tlm Deep Blue Sea. Esmcrolda Longcofiln I have just been reading an article about yacht racing. IIow delightful it must bo to skim over tho bright blue sea! Ilostcttcr McGinnis You have been on a yacht during rough weather, liavo you, Miss EsmercldaP Esmcrclda Novcr yet, but I know I should enjoy it over so much. Ilostcttcr Well, when I paid a visit to my undo m New York somo years ago I accepted an invitation to go out on a yacht jvtmcrciua i nrcsutno you nau a very fine time. Do you love tho sea, Mr. McGinniss? Ilostcttcr Well, on that particular occasion, while I was looking over tho railing I folt ready to givo up every thincr for it, and in fact I did then and there. Esmcrolda Were you seasick?. Ilostetter I was very much dis gusted with tho motion of the vessel. Esmerelda Didn't tho sea fill you witli emotion? Hpstcttcr, shaking his head Not at all. On the contrary, it rather emptied me. Estncrelda Oh! Ilostetter Yes; that's what I said several times. Esmcrclda Was that tho first tinio you had ever been to sea? Ilostetter that was tho first and last time. I had. however, been half seas over from indulgenco'in schooners. There was only one man on the 3'aclit who was not affected. Ho was a doctor. Ho was so accustomed to see sickness tlwt tho motion of tho yacht had no effect whatever on him. Esmerelda 1 supposo you wore out of sight of land? Ilostetter les, wo wcro out of sight of land, although it was only two miles nil, but unfortunately it was straight down, and sick as I was I didn't care to travol in that direction. Damp clothes always give mo rheumatism. Esmerelda I've road that wine was a great remedy for sea-sickness. Ilostetter Tho wino I wanted most was port. Esmerelda After what you have told nie I don't think I'll ever caro to go to sea. Ilostetter If you should over go tn oca, Miss Jvmiorolua, there aro several little things you want to remember. In the first place, if you hoar the captain talking about a crack yacht don't ask him if a crack yacht is a yacht that leaks. Ileinetnber that tho swell of tho sea is not caused by dropsy, and that ships aro never boarded at hotels. Make friends with tho steward or stew ardess, for there is no telling how soon you may need his or her services, and you must not got angry if, after rolling all night, the steward asks you if you don't want a fresh roll. Esmerelda Thank you, Mr. McGin nis, I'll try anil ronieniDor wnat you have said. Texan Sifting. SLAVES IN MEXICO. Itontfuu'e In Willed the l'eoim Aro Held by Cruel TuslunuHt ri'K. A good deal has been told and writton of the cruelties in subterranean Siberia, hut I very much doubt if tho situation of any convict chained in an undort ground gallery is nearly as appalling as that of hundreds and hundreds of tho Mexican peon slaves toiling within a day's journey of the land of tho free. 1 do not say that this is true of all mines; at many of thorn, and particularly thoso owned by American or English com panies, the management is humane anil admirable in every particular, but it is true of some. In these it is no unusual thing for a peon to bu murdered by somo cruel taskmaster, in plain sight of hi3 wife, who works by his side, hoars his dying shriek and is powerless to raiso her hand to save. This is no fancy picture, but a dreadful and repeated reality. It is surprising how littlo of this is known, but it is surprising how little is known in general of interior Mexico. Them are thousands of squaro miles where peonage is a sacred institution and a "white, imin" is as great a curi osity as a hippogralV or a unicorn would bo. There whole families are wearily grinding away at debts they had no more to do with than with tho delugo. Somo ancestor they never saw or heard tell of, drank too much mescal one day, or lost, a few dollars at moute, or was tempted to buy a gilded sombrero on credit, and tlio mischief was done. That thoy live in tho darkest sort of ignorance and misery goes without saying, elso somo tluo morning they would simply quit being peons and all tho powers that be, at least in Mexico, could not re-establish tlio old regime. Hdgar Lee Vance, in Inter-Mountain. Poking Fun at Royalty. A German paper relates that during the absence of his sou Louis, who had gone on a distant journey, Prince Fer dinand of 1'russia, who then resided at tho palace of Hello Vuo, near Berlin, caused somo alterations to be made in tlio park by tlio introduction of arti ficial hills, lakes and grottoes, in order to gratify tho young Prince's love of the romantic when lie returned from his foreign tour. Soon after his ar rival Prince Louts was shown round tlio park by his proud father, who did not fail to point out to him all tho beau ties of tho scenery. An hour tutor a placard placed by somo wag was dis covered on tlio outor gate with the fol lowing inscription; "Visitors are re quested to bo careful not to crush tlio hills tlat by stooping on thorn. No dogs allowed, as they might drink up tlio lakes. No ono is permitted to pocket any of tlio rooks that aro lying about. By order." Ar. Y. Mail ami Express. Cabbago delights in a deep rich soil. A FRENCH CHESTNUT. Curious Ktorjr of Tree. In tho Garden ol the TullerUs. There is a curious story about a chest nut tree in tho gardon of tho Tuilerics, which a Paris paper has just recalled. It is known as the "Chcstnutof tho 20th of March," and tho peculiarity about it is that it always puts out its foliage before any other tree in tho garden. J. Ins year, however, it lias violated all its traditions; its leaves did not appear un til nflnr mniir nf tta mMrlilmra litiil ln- zun to show their foliairc. and it is this fact which recalls the following story: Ono day when Louis XVIII. was talk ing wth ono of Ii is courtiers, Count Limoleon. about the weather, the latter imprudently alluded to the famous chestnut tree. "What is the chestnut tree of the 20th of March?" inquired the King. "I hear some ono speak of it every year." The Count saw that he had made a bad mistake, but tried to repair it. "Sire," he replied, "every ono avoids speaking to your Majesty of tills chestnut tree, because it is a souvenir of one of the most unhappy episodes of your Tcign." "What is thatP" asked the King. "The 20th of March is the date on which the usurper Bonaparte, after his escape from the Isle of Elba, arrived in Paris and took up his residence in the palaco of tlio Tuilerics." "Well I know that," re plied tho King; "but what has it to do with tho chestnut tree?" "The followers of Bonaparto observed that on that day there was one tree in tho garden which was covered with leaves, while the others had none at all, and the mob from Paris came to sec the tree which it was said put forth its leaves in honor of the usurper." "Well," said tiie King, "this merely proves that trees are like men in somo respects; they do not all havo tho same opinions. And did you Bay that sinco my second restoration this particular tree had con tinued to havo loaves on the 20th of March?" "Yes, sire, it is true." The reply seemed to annoy the King, and, although ho said nothing about it, the courtiors decided it would bo best to cut down tho Bonapartist tree and substitute one that was more proper and loyal in its habits. But what hap pens? The year passed, and as tho King did not say any thing more about tho tree it was believed by the courtiors that he had forgotten all about it. They were very much astonished, therefore, when on tho 20th of March, 182-1. tho King, who nevor went to the garden of the Tuilerics, expressed a wish to seo the famous chestnut tree. Their amaze ment was extreme, however, when they arrived at tho garden and found tho troe in full bloom, with even more leaves and flowers than before. Their mortification may bo imagined. Tho Kinjr, however, reassured them by re- irktng, after lie had taken a good look at the tree, "Well, let it remain and represent the Bonapartist opinions if it will. So long as this is tho only thing which conspires against us tho Bourbons havo littlo to fear." Tho tree is still in the garden of the Tuilories, but it is not the ono which bloomed on tho 20th of March, 1815, when tho Emperor returned to Paris. Chicago Tribune, STRENGTHENING FOOD. A Subject of Con.Ulrriililr Interent to Kiilnnrs of Poultry. With poultry culture, tho use of strengthening, stimulating food is very important at certain times, but when ever it is used it should always bo 'ac companied with caution and good judg ment on the part of the breeder. 1 horo is a tinio for all things, and tho time to use food calculated to force growth or production is only when such a course will do good and not do harm. 1 really believ"o that it is best not to givo the breeding stock any stimulating food, other than occasionally to supply or provide for any lack of insect or animal diet that may occur. Fowls that aro fed too abundantly on animal food soon show the bad effects created by such treatment. To treat the fowls in the best possible manner is to imitate nature as closely as posMblo. A very littlo meat for each fowl, and tho same of green food is all they require of this kiud of diet, as the only tiling to bo accomplished is to supply their natural demands in as natural a way as possible. In speaking in tlio abovo manner I mean to apply principally to fowls in tended for breeding purposes only, for when the fowls aro raised principally for market purposes tho caso becomes quite different, tlio idea then being to get tlio most good in tho least possible time. Cookeil food is excellent in ac complishing this result, and should bo used freely, and any such stimulating and wanning food as onion, red pepper and such like should bo supplied occa sionally and as often as tho breeder thinks It is advantageous to his llock. The principal value of such stimulating food is to warm up tho whole system and this will servo to act as an appe tizer, ami by a judicious uso of this kind of diot'it will not only bo valua ble for what little nourishment it con tains In itself, hut tho other food will lie better assimilated by coining in con tact and being treated in connection with tliis stimulating food. American 1'oultry Journal. Tho sugar trade of Batavia has taken great stride sinco 1880, tho pro duction increasingyearafter yoar. Tho crop of 18S1 was the largest over known and that of tho present yoar it is ox pocted will bo fully up to it, - Tlio finest pork made in tho world Is that produced on tho Madeira Islands, whero tho swino live principally on nuts. Christian at Work. Eight Englishwomen havo boon im ported by a Now York company to cut elvet an art that U hut littlo knowu n tlds country. CHEMISTRY OF SOAP. Interesting Information Itejrardlnu IU Composition and Effect. That important article of household use, soap, is of considerable interest trom a chemical point of view. It is a truo salt, or compound of an acid and in which the acids occurring in fats, where they Arc combined with glycer ine as a base, aro separated from it, and combined with tlio alkali soda or pot ash. Soaps in which tho fatty acids are combined witli lime, magnesia, lead "r iron arc also known. but are only used for medical purposes. Tho crys talline salts of soda are, as a general rule, efflorescent; that is. on exposure to the air thoy givo off moisture, and crumblo. into a dry powder. Potash salts. on the other hand, are oftener delinquosccnt, absorbing moisture ft-om tiio air, and becoming liquid. This is also truo of the soaps made from these -alkalies; hard soap being mado from soda, and soft soap from potash. A good soap should be perfectly neutral, containing neither excess of fatty acids or alkali. An excess of free alkali in a soap will increase its cleansing power, but has an injurious oll'cct upon tho skin and clothing. It is a common practice to add carbonate of soda to laundry soap for a similar purpose, but its can not bo recommended. The cleansing ac tion of tho soap can not be very satis factorily explained, but it is doitb'less duo to the alkali contained in it Probably some sort of double decom position takes place between the soap and the greasy impurities of the skin or soiled linen, by which they aro rendered soluble in water. Wash ing powders are almost always com posed of carbonate of soda. Tney may occasionally be of use in removing very obstinate spots, but their constant uso causes tlio clothing to wear out very rapidly. Borax is less objection able, and may sometimes servo a good .purpose as an auxiliary to the soap. Ammonia will often remove stains which are not affected by tho ordinary cleansing process, out so powerful an airent should be used with care. The process of bluing illustrates an impor taut law of color. Freshly washed linen is of a slightly yellowish tint, which appears to be an optical illusion depondingupon its oxcessivo whiteness. Now, blue and yellow are complement ary colors; that is, when blue and yellow light are combined, white limit is lormed. bo the audition ot a trace of blue color to the linen neu tralizes the yellow tint, and renders it apparently perfectly white. Bluing is usually made from indigo, though Prussian blue, ultramarine and aniline blue are sometimes used. Tho same nrocess ol LI u i ri tr is applied to surar to givo it a Avhiter appearance. Si arch is a vegetable product, usually pro cured from potatoes, and. when in its natural state, consists of separate grains easily distinguished under the microscope. Upon boiling with wa ter, theso grains burst open, and the contents are partially dissolved in the water. Upon cooling, it forms a viscid jell, or rather emulsion, as the starch seems to be more in a state of minute subdivision than in a condition of solution. When cloth is saturated with it, and oressed with a hot iron, tho starch is transformed into a gummy substance. "which gives the requisite stiffness to the linen. The polished appearance which is sometimes given to starched articles is produced by adding various substances to tho starch, among which are gum aratic, gelatine or parufflne. Of tho most important article used in the laundry, water, there is little to be said. We may mention, however, that tho object of sprinkling dry clothing beforo ironing is that tint steam formed by tho heat of tho iron ina soften the cloth, and allow it to be pressed smooth. It is also to be noted that clothing will dry in tho air whon the temperature is below freezing as woll as on warmer days, thus showing that water evaporates, even when in a frozen condition. Popular Science yews. HOME, SWEET HOME. Sir Henry I. Hlshop the Composer or the ltenutirul Melody. The doubt as to tho authorship of I ho beautiful melody of "Home, Sweet Home" still appears to bo unsettlod. Controversies are every now and then started in tho newspapers on the sub ject. With the view of putting an end to them, once for all, I write this let ter, to prove to the most incredulous that the air is English, and was the composition of the very eminent and gifted musician, the late Sir Henry It. Bishop. In ono of tho many conver sations on well known English melo dies with that gontloman, I took occa sion to ask hint for information on tlio subject of "Hume, Swoet Home," the authorship of which was often attrib butcd to him, and as often denied by many who claimed it as a na tional Sicilian air which Sir Henry had discovered and ro ar ranged. Ho theroupon favored me with tlio whole history. IL had boon engaged in Ills early boyhood to edit a collection of tho national melodies of all countries. In tho course of his labors ho discovered that ho had no Sicilian melody worthy of reproduc tion, and Sir llonry thought ho would invent one. The rosult was the now well known air of "Homo Swoet Home," which he composed to the verses of an American author, Mr. Howard Payne, thou resided in Eng land. Whon tho collection was pub lished tho melody became so popular that, to uso a common phroso. "It took tho town by storm," and soveral musical publishers, believing It to bo Sicilian and non-copyright, reissued it. Charles Mackay, in London Telegraph, REMARKABLE MEN. Seven Individuals Renowned on Account of Their Ace, Weight or Lenrnlng. In tho lower part of Coffee County, Gnv., lives Mr. Stafford Davis, a relative of tho cx-President of tlio Southern Confederacy, who Is now 100 years old. Ho served through tho war of 1812 and the Mexican war, but never received a pension for his services and has never asked for one. Whon twenty-nine years of ago ho married a Miss Lot, and now lias children, grandchildren and great grandchildren to tho number of 275. In 1872 his wife died after sixty years of married life, and recently lie led to the altar a blushing bride of lift- sum mers. Mr. Davis has been strong and hearty until this year, but is now quite feeble. Washington County, Pa., has a vet eran of thrco wars in Isliani White, who says that ho was born in Southern Georgia in 1776. He was one of those who fought behind tlio cotton bales un der General Jackson at New Orleans, and thinks it was a bullet from his musket that killed General Packen ham, tlio commander of the British forces on that occasion. lie served against the Indians in Florida in 1838. anil was a volunteer under General Winfield Scott in Mexico. His love for "Old Hickory" amounts almost to rev erence, and he says that he votes for him at every Presidential election. One of the largest men of modern times was Samuel Murlit, who died in England a few weeks ago. Ho was six feet o j inch high, and weighed 5G0 pounds. The girth of his waist was nearly tan feet, and it took a tape-line twenty inches long to encompass the calf of his leg. No hearse could bo found large enough to carry Ids body, and it took twenty men to lift the collin through tho window to an open wagon. Ho was a native of Winiblington. Cambridgeshire, and was fifty-five j'oars old. John Tipton," a sexagenarian resident of Illinois, has just begun tho study of Greek. His life has been one of inces sant toil on a farm, with scant oppor tunities for study, but every year ho put aside a small sum out of his earn ings, and thinks he has now enough to keep him in comfort for the rest of his days, lie never went to school in his boyhood, and did not learn to read and write until well on in life. Uncle Elijah Boiffower. of Dawson, Ga., failed to attend a recent meeting of the Masonic lodge and the members were so surprise 1 at his absccuce that a committee was sent out to see if he was ill. This was the second time in forty-eight years that Mr. Bltlowor had missed a meeting. The biggest, man in Congress is Rep resentative George T. Barnes, of Au gusta, Ga. Ho tiiis tho beam at a trifle over three hundred pounds, and is one of the most popular men of tho State. His 'constituency is proud of him, and ho will probably remain in Congress as long as ho wants to. Perhaps the smallest man of his age now living is James Hoag, of Cedar Springs, Mich. Ho was born in 1815. and was one of the smallest babies known, weighing only nine ounces, lie now weighs but soventy-six pounds, and is onlv forty-live inches in height. Chicago hews. TO OBTAIN PATENTS. The I.hws In IColnllon to tlio l'llin? oT I'o tltloni anil Speeltlcutions. The applicant for a patent is required first to file in the Patent Otlice a peti tion on oath or affirmation that the in ventor believes himsdf to be the first lo frame the invention, and does not believe lhal it hsi been known or used before, and Ibis must be accompanied by a full description of the invention, viih drawings and a model whero it is possible. It is not at all necessary that tho invented article shall be sunt to the Patent Olliee, but if a model in min iature can be made of it. that is essen tial. The application must be ip writ ing, addressed to the Commissioner of Patents, and if the inventor is living his- signature must accompany it, no matter who makes the applica tion. The description of the inven tion must specify the manner of con structing and using it so clearly and fully that any person familiar with the art or science to which it pertains can make and use it. These specifications must b followed by the claim, in which the inventor shows very plainly the part, improvement or combination which lie claims as purely his own dis covery. It is quito important that the .-peifiications should bo well and care fully prepared, as patents havo ofton been refused, and indeed have beon declared invalid aft'U granting, be cause of defective specifications: If on examination of specifications and modo the invention is found to be quito new, the inventor is so informed, and "letters patent," as tho official papers aro called, aro sent to him on payment of the money fees. A feo of $15 is re quired on tiling tlio application, and $20 more when tho patent is issued. Chicago Inter- Ocean. Thcro aro fashions in similes as in everything else. For instance, whon the Atlanta Constitution says that "Bis marck is as busy as a black pig under a chincapin tree" it appeals directly to tho taste, of Its southern readers. A Kansas City newspaper would havo faid "as busr as a real estato doalor loaded with corner lots;" a Philadel phia nowspaper would havo remarked "as busy as a man eating shad," a Boston newsnaner would have ob served, "as busy, to quuto Emerson, as," etc.; while a isow lorK or utilcago nowspaper would have simply said "as busy as a boouler hunting bail." Chicago Xews. Another View. A pood story Is told of nn old resident among tlio Cntskllla who used to act as a guido for tho enthusiastlo tourists who came up to tho mountains from Now York. Ho was once diking ono of theso gentlemen through tlio paths and byways o? tb? region. Tho visitor was of a poetio frame of mind, and entered upon each fresh sccno with do light as he traversal tho glens and followed tho rocky lieds of tho streams through tor tuous ravines. Ilis guide bono his zeal, his exclamations his quotations, his loudly expressed ndmira tion, as long ns ho could, then cynicallyre marked, "1 say, mister, you come from New York, don't you?'' Yes, tho gentleman camo from New York. "Wo'al, then, what would yousays'pose I went down there nn' wns to go gawkin. 'round as you do hero?-' Exchange. Not Amphibious. Miss Mulcnbey Sure, Mister O'ltatTerty, it's disappointed that we woro lost night that yez didn't call ut our liouso as ycz protnLsed. Mr. O'ltiifforty Sure, Miss Muleahey, it's sorry that I nin, but I couldn't como. I can't Iks in two places nt once. It's not amphib ious that I am. Textis Sittings. Hnd Coufldenco In the Mulls. A highly colored man stepped to tho post otllee window ono day and asked tho clerk if ho would kindly direct a letter for hhn. Tho gentleman freely consented, dipped a pen into somo good ink samu color a man and wrote as dictated: "Miss Rosy Bell Wash ington." It was handsomely written, and tho writer viowed it with satisfaction as ho waited for further information. Finally ho asked: "Well, my friend, where does 'Miss Rosy Bell Washington' live?" "Why, boss," answered the darky confidentially, "dat's jes w'at I do' know. If I knowed I'd d'reck it myse'f nnd not boddor do jkm' ofllco.' El tmra Onzette. l'huit.'itlcm Philosophy, Do ignunt man, no matter cf ho has got mo money den cr smart man, ain't nigh ez much uso ter do curmuuity. Ever' yeah lVo mo' an' mo' 'vinccd dat yer kain't gauge do 'eerily o' or man by whut ho says. Do liaug squeals jist ez loud w'en ho nin't hurt ez w'en lie U. Do man whut hes de mos1 fricn's is do rotm whut uses ilem do lenst. De only way ter hab cf- ideo coat fur Sunday Is not ter w'ar it mo'u once a week. Arkansuw Travelor. The JournuliMt' ltevenge. Tired Reporter Mr. Shears, tlio man yon sont me to interview got mad. Able Editor Ho did f "And choked me." "Eh?" "And hit mo in tho cyo." "Yo powers!'' "And kicked mo down stairs." "Tho low lived scoundrel! Spell his name wrong." Omaha World. Hud Seen Him. "I left a boy about 1!3 years old out hero when I went in," said a farmer yesterday as he camo out of tlio city hall. "I saw him, sir," said o bootblack about a. foot high. "Where did ho go?" "Why, ho run out his tongue nt mo, and the last I saw of him ho was going for tho woods. I don't take sass from any granger, Idon'tl" Chicago Herald. Not Seir-ltellunt. Voice from Inside tho Egg Say, somo of you fellers that's had experience, give a friend a hand, will yer? I'm stuck. Tid. Bits. ' .A Slippery ISiistness. "There is always a great deal of crooked ness about these dmu museums," said tho chief of polico to tlio brand new mayor. "Ia what department usually?' inquired tho bran now mayor. "More in tho snnko dens than Riiy where elo," replied tho chief, nnd shortly after tho houso adjourned, ostensibly to as certain whether the town really had gone prohibition, but actually to ascertain that it hadn't. Hurdetto in Brooklyn Eagle. ATolnter for Young Men. Fifty iersons in Memphis, Twin., aro suf fering f i oin tho irritation of bacteria, which invaded thoir intestines through tho vehicloof lee cream. Youug men in need of now sum mer suits should not fail to incidentally men tion this distressing circumstance to thoir best girl. The ico cream horo is moro bacte rial than that of Memphis. Poughkeepsio. News-Press, Childish Literalism. Anxious Grandmamma (watchful of wid owed and coquettish daughter-in-law) John ny, go down stairs, and if Mr. Brown is with mamma tell her I want to speak to tier. Literal Rendition by Johnny Mamma, grandma says if Mr. Brown is here you'ro to come right up stairs. Now Orleans Pica yune. A Whole' Yolloy. Wigwug That fellow with the long halrr Oh, he's a jioet. Filtrip His is a striking flguro undoubt edly a man tired by hijh ombitional Wlgwug Aht Well, I live in hi neigh borhood, and I happen to know tht he baa also been fired by hi landlady. Detroit Frttt Pitts. I,oo Trtumpbaut. Omaha Girl Pa, Mr. De 6wet has asked me to share his lot. Omaha Pa Where is it? "Within the two mile limit, fifty foot east front" "Bless you, my children." Omaha World. Nnmo TliU FUh. Cut oft my head and singular I am, Cut oft my tail ami plural I appear; ' Although my middles left there's nothing there. What U my head cut oft f A sounding sea. What Is niy tall cut oft? A ruihlnt river. And in their mingling depths I fearless play, Parent of sweetest sounds, yet mute forever. An Eahjuia by Macaulay.