OREGON SCOUT.
J0M18 & CHANCEY, Publishers.
17KIOV. OKK(iO!f.
THE fJl TAN'S HAREMS!
How Tlielr Fair Occupant Idle Awv
Tliolr ftaemlncly Uiotcm Lives.
Among tho many haroms in Turkey,
that of tho Sultan at Constantinople is
hv far tho most Important. All thcso
haroms aro built in tho same stylo
that Is, after tho manner of a prison
and to sco one of them is to seo them
all. They aro composed of many low
structured buildings, surrounded by
high stone walls, winch effectually
prevent cvon a glimpse of tho interior
and within which roigns a silence pro
found. Tins is always a matter of sur
prise to foreigners, and it may well be
bo when wo consider the largo number
of women confined there in addition to
tho many attaches of tho establish
ment. .
Tho women aro watched over by
negro eunuchs, governed by a chief, and
waited upon by negroes of their own
sex, all of whom aro natives of Egypt,
trained from infancy for this special
service. These negro women aro tall
and robust, witli an abundauco of
ttooIv hair, broad, flat noses and black
shining skin, in marked contrast to tho
men, who aro peculiarly shaped, thoir
stout, short bodies and disproportion
ately longlogs giving thorn agrotesquo
appoarance. This is tho moro con
spicuous from the fact that tlioy travel
upon small Arab horsos, thoir feet
nearly touching the ground. In tho
harem tho women spend thoir tinio in
comparativo idleness, tho bath and the
toilet filling tho hours not allotted to
eating and slcoping. Somo few of thoin
smoke cigarettes, and singing, with a
harp accompanimout, is not unusual.
Their indolent nature? mako them
avcrso to exercise, and thoy mostly re
cline upon thoir divans. In lino
wcathor thoy aro permitted to tako a
drive, a certain numbor nt a time. A
half-dozen carriages stop at tho
harem in tho early afternoon, and arc
filled witli occupants, four being tho
complement of oacli carriage. Thoy
woar very thin' vails, which permit any
one having good sight to distinguish
thoir features oven at a considerable
distance. But ono must bo very care
ful in approaching too near these
vailed bounties, else ho may receive a
stroke from tho lash of tho driver. Ono
wonders often why the women wear
such thin laco over thoir faces, wliilo
tho free women of Constantinople are
muffled in thick cotton vails, with only
a small liolo for ono eye. Tho harem
carriages aro mounted upon heavy
springs, painted in vivid vermilion,
and highly varnished. Thoy have
golden ornaments and aro drawn by
two horses. Tho driver is a eunuch, as
aro also tho mounted guards, one at
oacli door. When tho woman visit tho
groat bazar, a kind of market whore
all sorts of wares aro sold, tho car
riages drive up in lino before tho ou
tran oo, tho guards dismount, and, turn
ing thoir horsos over to tho caro of tho
drivers, accompany tlio women through
tiio bazar. Constantinople Cor. Balti
more American,
'
HUMANITY A UNIT.
"A Wonderfully lleniitllul Creature or the
(Srneo or lod" The PoHnllilllly of Crane.
Graoo is tho boautilierof tho soul.
Luther says: "A Christian is a won
derfully beautiful, creature of tho grace
of God." Is there no loveliness in tho
sweet humanity that, though adorned
with many a grace, sees no bounty in
itself, in admiration for the good it
sees in others? Is tlioro no attractive
ness In tho benovolenco that can give
"to tho unthankful and to tho evil,
hopping for nothing agaiuP" Is there
no brightness in a chnrnotor that is
tho embodiment of integrity, and that
would rather sutler tho loss of all
things than deprive another of the
smallest of his rightsP Is there noth
ing charming in a spirit of forgive
ness that, in place of malicious retalia
tion, shows mercy and loving-kindness
and pours out its tender heart in pray
er for tho enemy and tho oppressor? Is
it not refreshing to meet with thoso in
whom nil self-seeking is dead, and who
live simply to go about doing goodP
Is there nothing beautiful in the
love that can persist in loving in tho
faeo of bitter hate, and willingly un
dergoes all kinds of suffering if only
those indicting it may at last bo saved?
Is there not a positive splendor in tho
consecration of a life to tho uplifting
of tha fullon and tho recovery of tho
lost? Is nothing to bo admired in tho
white llowor of a blameless life," or
tho blending of a stern principle that
could die for truth, with a gentleness
that can bhod tears ovor tho suffering
of a child, lint tho fact is, thoso are
o'dy a few of tho features of tho beau
tiful character of thoso who aro Christ
like. And to this wo aro "called." Tilts is
a possibility of grace. We can be
saved into tills and up to this. Tho
body of sin can bo destroyed." Hut
it can only be done by a holy nature
taking its place. And that hollhoe is
conformity to Christ, "tho holy Ono of
God." Mossed church, when nil its
members, by being saved from sin, have
put on tho lord Jesus Christ. Guide
to Holiness,
In Minneapolis tho girls have
formed a society, witli tho motto: "Tho
lips that touch wine shall never touch
milne." Tho young men will hence
forth suck it through a straw, for thoy
"will never, never, never, givo up tho
latter alternative in tho ultimatum of
titU amdetv
A NAUTICAL CHAT.
Mr. McOInnlV Itecolleetlon of n Coonit nn
tlm Deep Blue Sea.
Esmcrolda Longcofiln I have just
been reading an article about yacht
racing. IIow delightful it must bo
to skim over tho bright blue sea!
Ilostcttcr McGinnis You have been
on a yacht during rough weather, liavo
you, Miss EsmercldaP
Esmcrclda Novcr yet, but I know I
should enjoy it over so much.
Ilostcttcr Well, when I paid a visit
to my undo m New York somo years
ago I accepted an invitation to go out
on a yacht
jvtmcrciua i nrcsutno you nau a
very fine time. Do you love tho sea,
Mr. McGinniss?
Ilostcttcr Well, on that particular
occasion, while I was looking over tho
railing I folt ready to givo up every
thincr for it, and in fact I did then and
there.
Esmcrolda Were you seasick?.
Ilostetter I was very much dis
gusted with tho motion of the vessel.
Esmerelda Didn't tho sea fill you
witli emotion?
Hpstcttcr, shaking his head Not at
all. On the contrary, it rather emptied
me.
Estncrelda Oh!
Ilostetter Yes; that's what I said
several times.
Esmcrclda Was that tho first tinio
you had ever been to sea?
Ilostetter that was tho first and
last time. I had. however, been half
seas over from indulgenco'in schooners.
There was only one man on the 3'aclit
who was not affected. Ho was a doctor.
Ho was so accustomed to see sickness
tlwt tho motion of tho yacht had no
effect whatever on him.
Esmerelda 1 supposo you wore out
of sight of land?
Ilostetter les, wo wcro out of sight
of land, although it was only two miles
nil, but unfortunately it was straight
down, and sick as I was I didn't care to
travol in that direction. Damp clothes
always give mo rheumatism.
Esmerelda I've road that wine was
a great remedy for sea-sickness.
Ilostetter Tho wino I wanted most
was port.
Esmerelda After what you have told
nie I don't think I'll ever caro to go to
sea.
Ilostetter If you should over go tn
oca, Miss Jvmiorolua, there aro several
little things you want to remember. In
the first place, if you hoar the captain
talking about a crack yacht don't ask
him if a crack yacht is a yacht that
leaks. Ileinetnber that tho swell of tho
sea is not caused by dropsy, and that
ships aro never boarded at hotels.
Make friends with tho steward or stew
ardess, for there is no telling how soon
you may need his or her services, and
you must not got angry if, after rolling
all night, the steward asks you if you
don't want a fresh roll.
Esmerelda Thank you, Mr. McGin
nis, I'll try anil ronieniDor wnat you
have said. Texan Sifting.
SLAVES IN MEXICO.
Itontfuu'e In Willed the l'eoim Aro Held by
Cruel TuslunuHt ri'K.
A good deal has been told and writton
of the cruelties in subterranean Siberia,
hut I very much doubt if tho situation
of any convict chained in an undort
ground gallery is nearly as appalling as
that of hundreds and hundreds of tho
Mexican peon slaves toiling within a
day's journey of the land of tho free. 1
do not say that this is true of all mines;
at many of thorn, and particularly thoso
owned by American or English com
panies, the management is humane anil
admirable in every particular, but it is
true of some. In these it is no unusual
thing for a peon to bu murdered by somo
cruel taskmaster, in plain sight of hi3
wife, who works by his side, hoars his
dying shriek and is powerless to raiso
her hand to save. This is no fancy
picture, but a dreadful and repeated
reality.
It is surprising how littlo of this is
known, but it is surprising how little is
known in general of interior Mexico.
Them are thousands of squaro miles
where peonage is a sacred institution
and a "white, imin" is as great a curi
osity as a hippogralV or a unicorn would
bo. There whole families are wearily
grinding away at debts they had no
more to do with than with tho delugo.
Somo ancestor they never saw or heard
tell of, drank too much mescal one day,
or lost, a few dollars at moute, or was
tempted to buy a gilded sombrero on
credit, and tlio mischief was done.
That thoy live in tho darkest sort of
ignorance and misery goes without
saying, elso somo tluo morning they
would simply quit being peons and all
tho powers that be, at least in Mexico,
could not re-establish tlio old regime.
Hdgar Lee Vance, in Inter-Mountain.
Poking Fun at Royalty.
A German paper relates that during
the absence of his sou Louis, who had
gone on a distant journey, Prince Fer
dinand of 1'russia, who then resided at
tho palace of Hello Vuo, near Berlin,
caused somo alterations to be made in
tlio park by tlio introduction of arti
ficial hills, lakes and grottoes, in order
to gratify tho young Prince's love of
the romantic when lie returned from
his foreign tour. Soon after his ar
rival Prince Louts was shown round
tlio park by his proud father, who did
not fail to point out to him all tho beau
ties of tho scenery. An hour tutor a
placard placed by somo wag was dis
covered on tlio outor gate with the fol
lowing inscription; "Visitors are re
quested to bo careful not to crush tlio
hills tlat by stooping on thorn. No dogs
allowed, as they might drink up tlio
lakes. No ono is permitted to pocket
any of tlio rooks that aro lying about.
By order." Ar. Y. Mail ami Express.
Cabbago delights in a deep rich soil.
A FRENCH CHESTNUT.
Curious Ktorjr of Tree. In tho Garden ol
the TullerUs.
There is a curious story about a chest
nut tree in tho gardon of tho Tuilerics,
which a Paris paper has just recalled. It
is known as the "Chcstnutof tho 20th of
March," and tho peculiarity about it is
that it always puts out its foliage before
any other tree in tho garden. J. Ins
year, however, it lias violated all its
traditions; its leaves did not appear un
til nflnr mniir nf tta mMrlilmra litiil ln-
zun to show their foliairc. and it is this
fact which recalls the following story:
Ono day when Louis XVIII. was talk
ing wth ono of Ii is courtiers, Count
Limoleon. about the weather, the latter
imprudently alluded to the famous
chestnut tree. "What is the chestnut
tree of the 20th of March?" inquired
the King. "I hear some ono speak of
it every year." The Count saw that
he had made a bad mistake, but tried
to repair it. "Sire," he replied, "every
ono avoids speaking to your Majesty of
tills chestnut tree, because it is a
souvenir of one of the most unhappy
episodes of your Tcign." "What is
thatP" asked the King. "The 20th of
March is the date on which the usurper
Bonaparte, after his escape from the
Isle of Elba, arrived in Paris and took
up his residence in the palaco of tlio
Tuilerics." "Well I know that," re
plied tho King; "but what has it to do
with tho chestnut tree?" "The followers
of Bonaparto observed that on that day
there was one tree in tho garden which
was covered with leaves, while the
others had none at all, and the mob
from Paris came to sec the tree which
it was said put forth its leaves in honor
of the usurper." "Well," said tiie
King, "this merely proves that trees
are like men in somo respects; they do
not all havo tho same opinions. And
did you Bay that sinco my second
restoration this particular tree had con
tinued to havo loaves on the 20th of
March?" "Yes, sire, it is true." The
reply seemed to annoy the King, and,
although ho said nothing about it, the
courtiors decided it would bo best to
cut down tho Bonapartist tree and
substitute one that was more proper
and loyal in its habits. But what hap
pens? The year passed, and as tho
King did not say any thing more about
tho tree it was believed by the courtiors
that he had forgotten all about it. They
were very much astonished, therefore,
when on tho 20th of March, 182-1. tho
King, who nevor went to the garden of
the Tuilerics, expressed a wish to seo
the famous chestnut tree. Their amaze
ment was extreme, however, when they
arrived at tho garden and found tho
troe in full bloom, with even more
leaves and flowers than before. Their
mortification may bo imagined. Tho
Kinjr, however, reassured them by re-
irktng, after lie had taken a good
look at the tree, "Well, let it remain
and represent the Bonapartist opinions
if it will. So long as this is tho only
thing which conspires against us tho
Bourbons havo littlo to fear." Tho tree
is still in the garden of the Tuilories,
but it is not the ono which bloomed on
tho 20th of March, 1815, when tho
Emperor returned to Paris. Chicago
Tribune,
STRENGTHENING FOOD.
A Subject of Con.Ulrriililr Interent to
Kiilnnrs of Poultry.
With poultry culture, tho use of
strengthening, stimulating food is very
important at certain times, but when
ever it is used it should always bo 'ac
companied with caution and good judg
ment on the part of the breeder. 1 horo
is a tinio for all things, and tho time to
use food calculated to force growth or
production is only when such a course
will do good and not do harm.
1 really believ"o that it is best not to
givo the breeding stock any stimulating
food, other than occasionally to supply
or provide for any lack of insect or
animal diet that may occur. Fowls that
aro fed too abundantly on animal food
soon show the bad effects created by
such treatment.
To treat the fowls in the best possible
manner is to imitate nature as closely
as posMblo. A very littlo meat for
each fowl, and tho same of green food
is all they require of this kiud of diet,
as the only tiling to bo accomplished is
to supply their natural demands in as
natural a way as possible.
In speaking in tlio abovo manner I
mean to apply principally to fowls in
tended for breeding purposes only, for
when the fowls aro raised principally
for market purposes tho caso becomes
quite different, tlio idea then being to
get tlio most good in tho least possible
time. Cookeil food is excellent in ac
complishing this result, and should bo
used freely, and any such stimulating
and wanning food as onion, red pepper
and such like should bo supplied occa
sionally and as often as tho breeder
thinks It is advantageous to his llock.
The principal value of such stimulating
food is to warm up tho whole system
and this will servo to act as an appe
tizer, ami by a judicious uso of this
kind of diot'it will not only bo valua
ble for what little nourishment it con
tains In itself, hut tho other food will
lie better assimilated by coining in con
tact and being treated in connection
with tliis stimulating food. American
1'oultry Journal.
Tho sugar trade of Batavia has
taken great stride sinco 1880, tho pro
duction increasingyearafter yoar. Tho
crop of 18S1 was the largest over known
and that of tho present yoar it is ox
pocted will bo fully up to it,
-
Tlio finest pork made in tho world
Is that produced on tho Madeira Islands,
whero tho swino live principally on
nuts. Christian at Work.
Eight Englishwomen havo boon im
ported by a Now York company to cut
elvet an art that U hut littlo knowu
n tlds country.
CHEMISTRY OF SOAP.
Interesting Information Itejrardlnu IU
Composition and Effect.
That important article of household
use, soap, is of considerable interest
trom a chemical point of view. It is a
truo salt, or compound of an acid and
in which the acids occurring in fats,
where they Arc combined with glycer
ine as a base, aro separated from it, and
combined with tlio alkali soda or pot
ash. Soaps in which tho fatty acids
are combined witli lime, magnesia, lead
"r iron arc also known.
but are only
used for medical purposes. Tho crys
talline salts of soda are, as a general
rule, efflorescent; that is. on exposure
to the air thoy givo off moisture, and
crumblo. into a dry powder.
Potash salts. on the other
hand, are oftener delinquosccnt,
absorbing moisture ft-om tiio air, and
becoming liquid. This is also truo of
the soaps made from these -alkalies;
hard soap being mado from soda, and
soft soap from potash. A good soap
should be perfectly neutral, containing
neither excess of fatty acids or alkali.
An excess of free alkali in a soap will
increase its cleansing power, but has
an injurious oll'cct upon tho skin and
clothing. It is a common practice to
add carbonate of soda to laundry soap
for a similar purpose, but its can not
bo recommended. The cleansing ac
tion of tho soap can not be very satis
factorily explained, but it is doitb'less
duo to the alkali contained in it
Probably some sort of double decom
position takes place between the soap
and the greasy impurities of the
skin or soiled linen, by which they
aro rendered soluble in water. Wash
ing powders are almost always com
posed of carbonate of soda. Tney may
occasionally be of use in removing
very obstinate spots, but their constant
uso causes tlio clothing to wear out
very rapidly. Borax is less objection
able, and may sometimes servo a good
.purpose as an auxiliary to the soap.
Ammonia will often remove stains
which are not affected by tho ordinary
cleansing process, out so powerful an
airent should be used with care. The
process of bluing illustrates an impor
taut law of color. Freshly washed
linen is of a slightly yellowish tint,
which appears to be an optical illusion
depondingupon its oxcessivo whiteness.
Now, blue and yellow are complement
ary colors; that is, when blue and
yellow light are combined, white
limit is lormed. bo the audition ot a
trace of blue color to the linen neu
tralizes the yellow tint, and renders it
apparently perfectly white. Bluing
is usually made from indigo, though
Prussian blue, ultramarine and aniline
blue are sometimes used. Tho same
nrocess ol LI u i ri tr is applied to surar
to givo it a Avhiter appearance. Si arch
is a vegetable product, usually pro
cured from potatoes, and. when in
its natural state, consists of separate
grains easily distinguished under the
microscope. Upon boiling with wa
ter, theso grains burst open, and the
contents are partially dissolved in
the water. Upon cooling, it forms a
viscid jell, or rather emulsion, as the
starch seems to be more in a state of
minute subdivision than in a
condition of solution. When cloth
is saturated with it, and
oressed with a hot iron, tho starch is
transformed into a gummy substance.
"which gives the requisite stiffness to
the linen. The polished appearance
which is sometimes given to starched
articles is produced by adding various
substances to tho starch, among which
are gum aratic, gelatine or parufflne.
Of tho most important article used in
the laundry, water, there is little to be
said. We may mention, however, that
tho object of sprinkling dry clothing
beforo ironing is that tint steam
formed by tho heat of tho iron ina
soften the cloth, and allow it to be
pressed smooth. It is also to be noted
that clothing will dry in tho air whon
the temperature is below freezing as
woll as on warmer days, thus showing
that water evaporates, even when in a
frozen condition. Popular Science
yews.
HOME, SWEET HOME.
Sir Henry I. Hlshop the Composer or the
ltenutirul Melody.
The doubt as to tho authorship of
I ho beautiful melody of "Home, Sweet
Home" still appears to bo unsettlod.
Controversies are every now and then
started in tho newspapers on the sub
ject. With the view of putting an end
to them, once for all, I write this let
ter, to prove to the most incredulous
that the air is English, and was the
composition of the very eminent and
gifted musician, the late Sir Henry It.
Bishop. In ono of tho many conver
sations on well known English melo
dies with that gontloman, I took occa
sion to ask hint for information on tlio
subject of "Hume, Swoet Home," the
authorship of which was often attrib
butcd to him, and as often denied by
many who claimed it as a na
tional Sicilian air which Sir
Henry had discovered and ro ar
ranged. Ho theroupon favored me
with tlio whole history. IL had boon
engaged in Ills early boyhood to edit a
collection of tho national melodies of
all countries. In tho course of his
labors ho discovered that ho had no
Sicilian melody worthy of reproduc
tion, and Sir llonry thought ho would
invent one. The rosult was the now
well known air of "Homo Swoet
Home," which he composed to the
verses of an American author, Mr.
Howard Payne, thou resided in Eng
land. Whon tho collection was pub
lished tho melody became so popular
that, to uso a common phroso. "It
took tho town by storm," and soveral
musical publishers, believing It to bo
Sicilian and non-copyright, reissued it.
Charles Mackay, in London Telegraph,
REMARKABLE MEN.
Seven Individuals Renowned on Account of
Their Ace, Weight or Lenrnlng.
In tho lower part of Coffee County,
Gnv., lives Mr. Stafford Davis, a relative
of tho cx-President of tlio Southern
Confederacy, who Is now 100 years old.
Ho served through tho war of 1812 and
the Mexican war, but never received a
pension for his services and has never
asked for one. Whon twenty-nine years
of ago ho married a Miss Lot, and now
lias children, grandchildren and great
grandchildren to tho number of 275.
In 1872 his wife died after sixty years
of married life, and recently lie led to
the altar a blushing bride of lift- sum
mers. Mr. Davis has been strong and
hearty until this year, but is now quite
feeble.
Washington County, Pa., has a vet
eran of thrco wars in Isliani White,
who says that ho was born in Southern
Georgia in 1776. He was one of those
who fought behind tlio cotton bales un
der General Jackson at New Orleans,
and thinks it was a bullet from his
musket that killed General Packen
ham, tlio commander of the British
forces on that occasion. lie served
against the Indians in Florida in 1838.
anil was a volunteer under General
Winfield Scott in Mexico. His love for
"Old Hickory" amounts almost to rev
erence, and he says that he votes for
him at every Presidential election.
One of the largest men of modern
times was Samuel Murlit, who died in
England a few weeks ago. Ho was six
feet o j inch high, and weighed 5G0
pounds. The girth of his waist
was nearly tan feet, and it
took a tape-line twenty inches long to
encompass the calf of his leg. No
hearse could bo found large enough to
carry Ids body, and it took twenty men
to lift the collin through tho window to
an open wagon. Ho was a native of
Winiblington. Cambridgeshire, and was
fifty-five j'oars old.
John Tipton," a sexagenarian resident
of Illinois, has just begun tho study of
Greek. His life has been one of inces
sant toil on a farm, with scant oppor
tunities for study, but every year ho
put aside a small sum out of his earn
ings, and thinks he has now enough to
keep him in comfort for the rest of his
days, lie never went to school in his
boyhood, and did not learn to read and
write until well on in life.
Uncle Elijah Boiffower. of Dawson,
Ga., failed to attend a recent meeting
of the Masonic lodge and the members
were so surprise 1 at his absccuce that
a committee was sent out to see if he
was ill. This was the second time in
forty-eight years that Mr. Bltlowor had
missed a meeting.
The biggest, man in Congress is Rep
resentative George T. Barnes, of Au
gusta, Ga. Ho tiiis tho beam at a trifle
over three hundred pounds, and is one
of the most popular men of tho State.
His 'constituency is proud of him, and
ho will probably remain in Congress as
long as ho wants to.
Perhaps the smallest man of his age
now living is James Hoag, of Cedar
Springs, Mich. Ho was born in 1815.
and was one of the smallest babies
known, weighing only nine ounces,
lie now weighs but soventy-six pounds,
and is onlv forty-live inches in height.
Chicago hews.
TO OBTAIN PATENTS.
The I.hws In IColnllon to tlio l'llin? oT I'o
tltloni anil Speeltlcutions.
The applicant for a patent is required
first to file in the Patent Otlice a peti
tion on oath or affirmation that the in
ventor believes himsdf to be the first
lo frame the invention, and does not
believe lhal it hsi been known or used
before, and Ibis must be accompanied
by a full description of the invention,
viih drawings and a model whero it is
possible. It is not at all necessary that
tho invented article shall be sunt to the
Patent Olliee, but if a model in min
iature can be made of it. that is essen
tial. The application must be ip writ
ing, addressed to the Commissioner of
Patents, and if the inventor is living
his- signature must accompany it,
no matter who makes the applica
tion. The description of the inven
tion must specify the manner of con
structing and using it so clearly and
fully that any person familiar with the
art or science to which it pertains can
make and use it. These specifications
must b followed by the claim, in which
the inventor shows very plainly the
part, improvement or combination
which lie claims as purely his own dis
covery. It is quito important that the
.-peifiications should bo well and care
fully prepared, as patents havo ofton
been refused, and indeed have beon
declared invalid aft'U granting, be
cause of defective specifications: If
on examination of specifications and
modo the invention is found to be quito
new, the inventor is so informed, and
"letters patent," as tho official papers
aro called, aro sent to him on payment
of the money fees. A feo of $15 is re
quired on tiling tlio application, and
$20 more when tho patent is issued.
Chicago Inter- Ocean.
Thcro aro fashions in similes as in
everything else. For instance, whon
the Atlanta Constitution says that "Bis
marck is as busy as a black pig under
a chincapin tree" it appeals directly
to tho taste, of Its southern readers. A
Kansas City newspaper would havo
faid "as busr as a real estato doalor
loaded with corner lots;" a Philadel
phia nowspaper would havo remarked
"as busy as a man eating shad," a
Boston newsnaner would have ob
served, "as busy, to quuto Emerson,
as," etc.; while a isow lorK or utilcago
nowspaper would have simply said
"as busy as a boouler hunting bail."
Chicago Xews.
Another View.
A pood story Is told of nn old resident
among tlio Cntskllla who used to act as a
guido for tho enthusiastlo tourists who came
up to tho mountains from Now York. Ho
was once diking ono of theso gentlemen
through tlio paths and byways o? tb? region.
Tho visitor was of a poetio frame of mind,
and entered upon each fresh sccno with do
light as he traversal tho glens and followed
tho rocky lieds of tho streams through tor
tuous ravines.
Ilis guide bono his zeal, his exclamations
his quotations, his loudly expressed ndmira
tion, as long ns ho could, then cynicallyre
marked, "1 say, mister, you come from New
York, don't you?''
Yes, tho gentleman camo from New York.
"Wo'al, then, what would yousays'pose I
went down there nn' wns to go gawkin.
'round as you do hero?-' Exchange.
Not Amphibious.
Miss Mulcnbey Sure, Mister O'ltatTerty,
it's disappointed that we woro lost night that
yez didn't call ut our liouso as ycz protnLsed.
Mr. O'ltiifforty Sure, Miss Muleahey, it's
sorry that I nin, but I couldn't como. I can't
Iks in two places nt once. It's not amphib
ious that I am. Textis Sittings.
Hnd Coufldenco In the Mulls.
A highly colored man stepped to tho post
otllee window ono day and asked tho clerk if
ho would kindly direct a letter for hhn. Tho
gentleman freely consented, dipped a pen
into somo good ink samu color a man and
wrote as dictated: "Miss Rosy Bell Wash
ington." It was handsomely written, and
tho writer viowed it with satisfaction as ho
waited for further information. Finally ho
asked: "Well, my friend, where does 'Miss
Rosy Bell Washington' live?" "Why, boss,"
answered the darky confidentially, "dat's jes
w'at I do' know. If I knowed I'd d'reck it
myse'f nnd not boddor do jkm' ofllco.' El
tmra Onzette.
l'huit.'itlcm Philosophy,
Do ignunt man, no matter cf ho has got mo
money den cr smart man, ain't nigh ez much
uso ter do curmuuity.
Ever' yeah lVo mo' an' mo' 'vinccd dat yer
kain't gauge do 'eerily o' or man by whut ho
says. Do liaug squeals jist ez loud w'en ho
nin't hurt ez w'en lie U.
Do man whut hes de mos1 fricn's is do rotm
whut uses ilem do lenst. De only way ter hab
cf- ideo coat fur Sunday Is not ter w'ar it mo'u
once a week. Arkansuw Travelor.
The JournuliMt' ltevenge.
Tired Reporter Mr. Shears, tlio man yon
sont me to interview got mad.
Able Editor Ho did f
"And choked me."
"Eh?"
"And hit mo in tho cyo."
"Yo powers!''
"And kicked mo down stairs."
"Tho low lived scoundrel! Spell his name
wrong." Omaha World.
Hud Seen Him.
"I left a boy about 1!3 years old out hero
when I went in," said a farmer yesterday as
he camo out of tlio city hall.
"I saw him, sir," said o bootblack about a.
foot high.
"Where did ho go?"
"Why, ho run out his tongue nt mo, and the
last I saw of him ho was going for tho woods.
I don't take sass from any granger, Idon'tl"
Chicago Herald.
Not Seir-ltellunt.
Voice from Inside tho Egg Say, somo of
you fellers that's had experience, give a
friend a hand, will yer? I'm stuck. Tid.
Bits. '
.A Slippery ISiistness.
"There is always a great deal of crooked
ness about these dmu museums," said tho
chief of polico to tlio brand new mayor. "Ia
what department usually?' inquired tho bran
now mayor. "More in tho snnko dens than
Riiy where elo," replied tho chief, nnd shortly
after tho houso adjourned, ostensibly to as
certain whether the town really had gone
prohibition, but actually to ascertain that it
hadn't. Hurdetto in Brooklyn Eagle.
ATolnter for Young Men.
Fifty iersons in Memphis, Twin., aro suf
fering f i oin tho irritation of bacteria, which
invaded thoir intestines through tho vehicloof
lee cream. Youug men in need of now sum
mer suits should not fail to incidentally men
tion this distressing circumstance to thoir
best girl. The ico cream horo is moro bacte
rial than that of Memphis. Poughkeepsio.
News-Press,
Childish Literalism.
Anxious Grandmamma (watchful of wid
owed and coquettish daughter-in-law) John
ny, go down stairs, and if Mr. Brown is with
mamma tell her I want to speak to tier.
Literal Rendition by Johnny Mamma,
grandma says if Mr. Brown is here you'ro to
come right up stairs. Now Orleans Pica
yune. A Whole' Yolloy.
Wigwug That fellow with the long halrr
Oh, he's a jioet.
Filtrip His is a striking flguro undoubt
edly a man tired by hijh ombitional
Wlgwug Aht Well, I live in hi neigh
borhood, and I happen to know tht he baa
also been fired by hi landlady. Detroit
Frttt Pitts.
I,oo Trtumpbaut.
Omaha Girl Pa, Mr. De 6wet has asked
me to share his lot.
Omaha Pa Where is it?
"Within the two mile limit, fifty foot east
front"
"Bless you, my children." Omaha World.
Nnmo TliU FUh.
Cut oft my head and singular I am,
Cut oft my tail ami plural I appear; '
Although my middles left there's nothing there.
What U my head cut oft f A sounding sea.
What Is niy tall cut oft? A ruihlnt river.
And in their mingling depths I fearless play,
Parent of sweetest sounds, yet mute forever.
An Eahjuia by Macaulay.