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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 13, 1907)
r CONDENSED STORIES; ftjcampl of the Km if Wit of tha Lata William M. Evarta. The Hon. William M. Evarts, sec retary of state during , President Eaves' . 'administration, was cele brated not only as a statesman and a lawyer, but also as a great wit. Ob one occasion he was at a large tag dinner given by Bdward Potter in New York. The five Potter broth en were among the numerous din- ber guests. Toward the end of the dinner Mr. ' Evarts was called on for a ipeech, to which he responded : . "As I look around this table I am reminded of a story of a young Pres- EVARTS GAZES AT THIS KUDDT WATBBS. byterian divine, recently licensed to preach, who was holding his first service. "In leading the first prayer the nervous young clergyman began: " 'We thank thee, O Lord' He stopped, cleared his throat and then went on: " 'We thank thee, 0 Lord' "Again he paused and then in desperation said: '"We thank thee, 0 Lord, that thou art the clay and we are the Potters!"' The guests were convulsed, and his speech was an instantaneous hit, rlthou ,jh none but Mr. Evarts would Lave dared to do it. On one of his trips abroad Mr. Evarts landed at Liverpool. The steamer was proceeding slowly up the river to the wharf, and Mr. Evarts was standing on deck look ing meditatively at the muddy wa ters of the Mersey. Suddenly he turned to his com panion and, with a quizzical gleam in his eye, said: "Evidently 'the quality of Mercy is not strained.'" Washington Post. Tha Miraga of Marriage. Miss Marie Cahill chose the chorus girls for her new play, "Mar rying Mary," by measurement. The Bertillon system was employed. "By this excellent system of measurement," said Miss Cahill the other day, "one gets in a chorus girl the real thing. Mirage is avoid ed. You know what a mirage is? Quite sure? Well, at any rate, I'll point out its meaning to you with a story : "A boy looked np from his book one night. "'Father, he said, 'what is a mirage?' "The father answered glibly from behind his paper: " 'The union of a man and wom an till death or the law them do part.' " 'But,' said the boy, 'that's mar riage, ain't it ? '"Same thing, sonny; it's- the same thing replied the father. 'A man imagines he sees wonders and delights where there is nothing. Fight shy of 'em both, my boy.' " On the Links. Eben M. Byers, Pittsburg's fa mous golfer, was talking at a dinner about dawdling players. "Nothing is more vexatious," Mr. Byers said, "than to follow one of these dawdlers over a course. They all should be served as a bow legged chap was the other day. "lie was playing at Englewood. Ilis play was as slow as it was poor. Setting his warped legs wide apart, he would miss the easiest ball three or four times hand running. He was retarding half a dozen good, 'brisk players, but this he didn't seem to mind at all. "Finally one man, having drawn very near, lost patience and with a neat shot sent his ball flying direct ly between the slow player's bow legs. "The slow player jumped back in neat fright Then be yelletf an- "Say, do you call that golf P ' "No Mid the other, "but I call H pretty ti croqaet,'' Hi FOR ,THE UTTLE ONES. ; Matching Colors to an Amusing Gin I' For Small Folka. -; ' ; iFor thia game each guest is pre sented with a wee strip of bebe xib bpq,, each of a diffe rent 16r, and instructed that it is to be bis color. A: curtain or sheet n suspended in the space between iolding doors as if for a donkey contest. - Ob the sheet are painted circles or squares of the various colors worn whi$h distinguish the little , guests, f Each child is then jjiven a 'rosette of his or her own color," which he or -she is required, to pin upon the appropriate spot on the curtain. - '.'' The feat is, of course, performed after being blindfolded. All chil dren who succeed in pinning the ribbons on spots of the same color are allowed to draw for the prizes given at the conclusion of the game. Should none succeed wholly those coming nearest to it can draw. How Crows Open Clams. "Caw, caw, caw!" called Mr. Crow from his nest in the high "What is that?" asked Abner a3 he and papa were strolling along the edge of the. woods near the sea shore. "If s a crow," answered papa, pointing to the tree where perched the great black bird. "Look! There are some more crows on the flats! Be quiet, and we will watch them." "It looks very much as if they were digging clams in the same way the fishermen do," observed Abner. "I believe that is just what they are doing," answered papa, some what surprised. "Just watch." The crows dug the clams. Then each would take one in his bill and fly to the" shore, where there was a ledge, letting it fall and thus break ing the shell. Then he would fly down, pick up the clam and eat it. "Bather a novel way of opening clams," observed papa. A Pig Book. If you would like to have a per fect treasure house of amusement to show to your friends get up a "pig book." But what in the world is a pig book? Get a book made up of forty or fifty pages of blank pa per, and then ask forty or fifty different persons each to draw, with his or her eyes shut, a picture of a pig on one of the pages. The ama teur artist will probably succeed pretty well until he comes to put ting on the pig's tail. That ap pendage is sometimes drawn in the most impossible place, and the re sult is very amusing. You have no conception of the fun you may have out of a pig book until you get one. Try it. Chicago News. Reviving a Tired Honeybee. The honeybee is proverbially in dustrious. When everything goes well with it no form of animal life has more vigor, works more zealous ly or defends its home more brave ly. But the bee soon loses its ac tivity when separated from its home so that it cannot return, as, for ex ample, when it gets into a room and fails to find its way out. Cold rain or lack of food also soon puts it into a feeble or exhausted condition, making it appear as if it were dis couraged. But nearly all of its usual activity may be restored by a little sugar or honey. St. Nicholas. " Riddles. Why is an author the most won derful animal in the world ? Be cause his tail (tale) comes out of his head. Why was Bulwer more likely to get tired of novel writing than Warren? Because Bulwer wrote "Night and Morning." Warren wrote only "Now and Then." When is it a good thing to lose your temper? When it is a bad one. Sammy Tan-kee. Be -was a queer little Chtn-ee. He wore a long cue down his back. His name was Sammy Tan-kee, And his shirt bung loose like a sack. His pana did wash-ee-wash-wash AU diy at a very big tub. The suds would sputter and foam As the elder Tan-kee would rub-rub. And little Tan-kee said each day. "I shaJl grow up as fast as I can And soon be big Uke papa And become a rich wash-ee-washmaic: Washington Post. Hanging Gardens of Babylon. The hanging gardens of Babylon appear to have been constructed, ; jsacfa of them, in : the form of an (amphitheater, in terrace; one rising above the other; and ascended by j stems, the whole structure support- ad by bag arches raised & arches. AUtHTOHT TE' SAME PA. B.' Widener tells this story on himself. If is the custom of ene of the railway board of directors which he is a, member to payback dir t-t-er v. f?..; tends a board meeV .ing'$-0, .. ic it mi ey due the ah sentees is- u .tied iimong those pres ent. - - - On one blizzardy day when '.the board was scheduled, to meet Mr. Widener, figuredathatjthe snow and t!old would keep, the, ether members away fjom the meeting, and he de termined to attend and thus secure the fees of all the absentees as well as his own fee.' Not that;Mr. Wrd ener needed the money, ibut he chuckled as he thought of the joke he would have on his fellow direct ors. So he put up with the in conveniences and dangers of the storm and made his ; way to the board's meeting place. His amaze ment was complete when he entered the room and found that every oth er member had preceded him. The intended joke, was tod good, and he frankly told of his purpose in turn ing out on such a wretched and death inviting day. ' The other board members laugh ed heartily, and before many min utes had elapsed all had confessed that they were present as a result of the same mental figuring. Each had thought as Mr WideUer had that he would capture his own and all his fellow members fees. Jut each had to be satisfied with the usual $20. Philadelphia Eecord. Shaw's Splendid Dinner. George Bernard Shaw, critic, dramatist and novelist, asserts that he has no more home instinct than a milk can at a railway station. He admits, however, that he has an ad dress at 10 Adelphi terrace, London. "These chambers," he explains, "constitute the real center of my domesticity, because my wife lives there. My omcial residence, quail fying me as a vestryman, is in Fitz roy square. My mother lives there. I live nowhere." He says that any place that will hold a bed and a writing table is as characteristic of him as any other. At one of the Socialist conferences when the dele- sates assembled after lunch the well known writer came in, rubbing his hands and giving thanks for the splendid dinner he had just had. Some one asked him what he had for dinner. "Ah," replied Mr. Shaw, with all the serenity of a well fed man, "I ve had seven bananas ! Comet Superstitions Has this year's comet affected the weather? A century ago the an swer would have been yes. Thus to the charge of the comet of 1811 were laid the facts not only of the excellent vintage and abundant crops of that year, but also that wasps were then few and flies blind and that a shoemaker s wife in .Lon don had four children at a birth. Besides such calamities as invasions, pestilences and the like, the comets of various years were considered re sponsible for many minor tragedies, including the destruction of a church clock by a meteoric stone, a fit of sneezing that became preva lent in Germany and in 1668 an epi demic among cats in Westminster. Chicago News. A Famoua Brigand. Servia's most famous brigand, Karajitch, has been shot near his hut on the summit of Mount Kaoni. He had fourteen murders, two abductions- and countless robberies to his account. Deeply devoted to his mother, he supplied all her wants from the day she was stricken with Earalysis. He told her recently that e would not let himself be caught until his head was rated at $2,500 I instead of $500. Further, he rirom- ised her that he would endeavor to be taken in some poor man's cabin rather than let the "man hunters" (police) get the reward. He was, however, unable to carry out his good intentions. Marie Corelli and Marriage. Marie Corelli, the famous writer, is greatly annoyed by a little story now going the rounds of the press. The form it generally takes is this: "She was asked the other day why she does not marry. She replied: 1 have three pets at home which to gether answer the same purpose. . I have a dog which growls all the morning, a parrot which swears all the afternoon and a cat which stays out at night." Miss Corelli pos- sesses neither a dog nor a parrot norl a cat, and she has never yet met any one bold enough to ask her why she is unmarried. Chicago News. He Didn't Vote. There is a little story going round the house of commonR ahnnt n W- I tain membei' who abstained from hill. -:.Qatif.ited lv m n hi. friends as to the reason' ff fcW al teneon..he reiWelL UUtvr, it's just like thiamy wife has a kter-oha BuU. CAUTIOUS. :f National . guardlb dicers through out the state are enjoying a good little, story at the expenseof one of lAcir uuutr nun. uus tniuiutru ittxu- el" high"" on rthe; ladder ,tif political preferment. He is a careful and deeply cdpsiderate man, cautious in everything 4ie! tloes and' says and dislikes to make a positive state ment Nearly every declaration he makes is qualified in some way. Re cently lie was elected, to a higher off flee and had to undergo an examina- i? a- L : ' a.. ..j.: .... l I 1 ...3 uoa vut w us utuuixii auuwicuc The Examination was conducted by Adjutant General Thojnas J. Stew art. aSd several other! general offi cers, 'lAt what distance is deploy ment made in approaching an ene my's position Y he was . asked. "About 2,000 yards," he answered. And so it went, every answer in stead of stating anything positively being qualified by the word about, seeming to indicate a lack of cer tain knowledge, although as a mat ter of fact the answers were correct. Becoming annoyed by the frequent repetition of the "about go far," General Stewart looked up and said, "Can you tell me of any place in the regulations where the word about is used?" After a few mo ments of deep pondering the offi cer replied : "Yes, sir. It occurs in the command 'About face !' " Gen eral Stewart, was forced to join the laugh, and the story spread through out the guard. Philadelphia Eec ord. A German View of Our Pie. The Berliner Tageblatt in a re cent number of its illustrated sup plement has a picture showing "the finish in an American pie eating contest." A Dresden paper in com menting on the scene says: "Pie is a purely American product. It is not kuchen, pastete or stolle, but all three in one. Pie cannot be de scribed. It must be seen, and it cannot be understood until it has been eaten. It varies in size from four to fifteen inches in diameter, and its upper and lower crusts are filled with fruit jams and with pastes which have no other use. Pie is as essential to an American din ner as bread is to ours, and in one part of the United States known as the pie belt it is eaten at every meal. All Americans agree that pie is in digestible, but this does not affect the consumption, and, although it is made in every household, there are large bakeries in every city where only pies are produced." Chinese Justice. Wrongdoers in China bring mis fortune on all their relatives. Not long ago a man murdered Governor An Min of Anhui. The murderer himself was caught and beheaded, and now the law demands that his female relatives be sold into slav ery, that his male relatives sixteen years old and above be decapitated and that his male relatives younger than that be compelled to serve in the imperial palace. The ancestral graves of the rebel are also to suf fer. The tombs are to be ranted and despoiled and the bones and dust within scattered to the four winds. It is hoped, however, that the au thorities will not exact the full pen alty of the law. The Kaiser's Useless Arm. Emperor William's recent horse back accident is by no means his first experience of the kind, though the greatest care is taken by the ! ter She revels in oar mild De master of the horse (oberstallmeis- ce ruber weather, ter) to provide the emperor with the safest mounts, which are trained to Crandma" Mason, the aged be as easy and docile as a circus ! mother of Mrs. S. W. Gibbons steed. The reason is that the kai-1 and our townsman, "Uncle Tom" ser has no power whatever in his j Mason, accompanied Mr. Gibbons left or bridle arm, and that when , here from Kansas to remain with he is leading past a regiment with ; relatives for some time, sword he has nracticallv no .. - r- j means ot controlling nis cnarger. His majesty looks as if he were holding the reins with his left hand, but this is mere appearance. A Beethoven Manuscript. Among lif el largest ironies is the fate that often befalls the manu script of a genius, says the Deline ator. Of no one is tms truer tnan : of Beethoven. When this greatest of composers was alive he was inces santly in financial difficulty. After his death all his manuscripts were sold at auction over 200 of them there were, yet they brought hardly $500. This would be at the rate of about $2.50 apiece. The other day j the manuscript of his G major sona- j ta for violin and piano, written in ' 1813 was sold bv a man P5 to a man in Florence for $10,200. A Cool One. Senator Albert J. Hopkins was ' hiring to annoy Mr. Cannon, the re praising in Aurora, 111., the imper- cipient of the letter took it to sev turbable coolness of a young Chica- j eral of his friends, who together go politician. j were able to make out all but one "The bov reminds me."1 said Se'n- word, which; was of firreat import- ?r So.P1. "of TT tt . M . X oi one ox uie jjruatj Disraeli s colleagues. "This man in the course of his f naidepeesb. in parliament paused . rawn- , - -.,.. :. . 'Hell do said Disraeli, ahoe- ' " u d0 taf- PHILCKATH SNAPSHOTS. Qnter Stranger Causes Excite- : meat -Other News. . I toostotmy and clond to q ire very clear snapshots. Ev ' thing- is niet and moving on - oody with out citizens. ; A little excitement was manir I tested thrcmphont the vicinity' last Monday evening when a suspici ous enaracer nested .the southern a hum ber of the residents of the Eve, green neighborhood. He was an entire stranger and sup posed to be a foreigner. His ap proach was heralded by mutter- in gs, and cursings in all stages of profanity and naturally was terri fying to the women and children. Towards evening he was located on the Alford premises and the authorities were notified. He was forthwith escorted to the city's bastile as a guest for the night. The sheriff was notified and he author zed the officers of Pbilo math to bold the stranger until morning when the case would be investigated, as he was supposed to be an insane person, possibly an escape from Salem. He acted quite sane, however, that evening and the next morning, and being found to have some money with him and not destitute he was per mitted to go on his way. Mr. and Mrs. Marion Tavlor of Corvallis were guests at the W T. Caldwell borne from Tuesday until Wednesday. On that day they proceeded south to visit Mrs. Taylor's parents. Roy McGee of Summit visited with relatives and friends for i few days last week. The revival meetings conduct ed at the Liberal TJ. B. church for the past few weeks are eliciting much interest with no sign of waning. They will be continued indefinitely. The college pastor, Rev. P. O. Bonebrake, is in chaige. Born, to Mr. and Mrs. S. D. Clark, in the old Radical parson- age, on Wednesday daughter. morning, a Mrs. R. A. Clark is not im proving in health as well as wish ed for. Miss Maggie Daniels of Beaver Creek has been at the Clark borne for the past two weeks. W. N. Alford departed for Bellefountain last Wednesday to remain for several days, intending to repair and re-fence his property at that place. Elmer Caldwell of Eugene vis ited at the home of his uncle, W. F. Caldwell, from Monday until Wednesday. The Ladies' Aid Society open ed its Christmas sale in W. T. Caldwell's real estate office on Wednesday at io a. m., for the day. Everything seemed favor able for a profitable sale. Mrs. Hannah McDonald's sis ter, a Mrs. Ross of Wisconsin, is in Philomath and expects to re main with her sister for the win- T TJ T?-t-1 J j i axis. j. iv. rcuier ana aaugn ter, Metha, are expec ed to arrive home from an extended visit at the state capitol and state metrop olis, Wednesday. Miss Cora Fehler went to Corvallis to meet them. Consolidated Farms. To make one large farm out of sev eral small ones may prove a good dis position for cheap farm properties In some localities. Large consolidated farms seem to be doing well In many Instances and to have less trouble with the labor problem than do the smaller farms. American Cultivator. A Confidential Letter. This story is told on Speaker Can non, who is a very poor writer : One day a member of congress received a letter from him but was only able to make out a word or. two. Dis- I , -L . 3 ance Decause is was : miaetiroiw" Finallv .in desnair the congressman went: to Speaker Gannon.! with, the letter to hare iha 05 wor4 inter- Sreted. After :loolril, Tat it and len at the congressman, Cannon j said, "Why, you fool, that word is Ue Invite Your ,. Inspection ' Stock of ot oat ladies' intf Miss' Ceats w ,!' Wool Dree Goods, Cotton ' ' Wash Dreai, Fabrics Our Stock is Com plete. In Every Detail at Right Prices. licnkle & Davis CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS CLARBIFIXU ADVKHTISKMBNT8 1 . Fifteen words or leas, 25 cts tor threa successive insertions, or 50 eta par month; for all up to and including tea additional words. cent a word for each Insertion. For all advertisements over 25 word, 1 ct per word for the first insertion, and 4 ct per word for each additional inser tion. Nothing inserted for lees than Sfi cents. Lodge, society and chorea notices, other than strictly news matter, will ba charged for. - PHYSICIANS B. A.. CATHEY, M. D.. PHYSICIAN . and f nwoB. Room 14, Bank Bnild iir. Offir Honrs: 10 to 19 a. m.. 2 to 4 p. m. 'PoflirieTice: cor. fith and Ad ams Rts. Telephone at ofop and tat. tdnnoe. Oorva'Hs. Oregon. W. T. KOWLEY, M. P., PHYSICIAN" and Sortrpon. Pppcial attention given to tha Eve. Nope ard Throat Offira in Johnson Bid?. Ind. 'phone at of fice and lesidance. House Decorating. FOR PATNTIWt ANT) PAPERING SEK W. E. Paul, Ind. 488 41tf UNDERTAKERS WILKIN S & BOVFE. FUNERAL Di rectors and Licensed Embolmers. Snccessora to S. N. Wilkins, Corvallis, Oregon. Phone 4s. 8gtf HENKXE & BLACKLEDGE. TJNPER takers and license! pmbalmers, South Main S., Corvallis, Or. ATTORNEYS J. K YATES, ATTOPNE Y-A T-L A W Office np stafra in Zierolf Bnildine. Only set of abstracts in Benton Connty- S. Tt. BRYSON ATTOPNFY AT LA WW W in Post Office Building, Oorval lis, Oregon. WANTED W A STE n 600 SUBSCRIBERS TO THE Gazcttb and Weekly Oregonian at $2.50 per year. HOMES FOR SALE WILL SELL LOTS IN CORVALLI8. Oregon, on instalment, plan and an pigt pnwhasers to bnild homes on them if desired. . Address First National' Bank, Corvallis, Or. WILL SELL MY LOT8 IN NEWPORT", Or., for spot cash, balance instal ments, and help parties to bnild home thereon, if desired. Address M. S. Wocd'-O"k. Co-vallip, Or. ONE HUNDRED TO FOUR HUNDRED dollars per month easily earned by ad writers and show eard writers. Oar system of correspondence instrnctioa is the only practical one in the West. Wiite for booklet about these most fascinating and profitable professions. Brains To Rent,. F 600 Deknm Bldg, Portlasd, Oregon. ' 98-8 BANKING. THE FTRT NATIONAL BANK OF ' CorvsIKe, Orfleon, transacts a general consemative banking business. Loans .. money 00 ' approved seen. ri ay.. Drafts , honabt aad sqld and money transferred ' tbJ the prineipal' cities of the United , States, Europe asd foreign eonntrieav ' ! ' ' " I Gazette for Job Work 3
