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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 10, 1902)
LIEUTENANT ROBERT E. Iff mmr-mem 7 . V - ; '5 - - . M PEAKY AMD HER BABY r IEUT. ROBERT E. PEARY'S lat- JLa efrt las51 t0 the 1)016 em,ed at 84 degrees 17 minutes north latitude 343 miles from the pole. At this point he was compelled to turn back, not be cause of physical exhaustion or lack of supplies, but because the Ice cap was impassable for men on foot, in sledges, or in boats. While Lieut. Peary did not equal the Duke d'Abruzzi's record of 80.33, and Nansen's mark of 86.14, he set a new American record. Heretofore the high est American record was that of Lock wood, of the Greely expedition, who reached 83.24 degrees north latitude, in 1882. At 87.47 north latitude Peary found the ice cap broken by immense ridges diffi cult to surmount. Great fissures opened In the ice in every direction. Dense fogs made traveling almost impossible. The north pole his goal, and possession for the United States of the far-off limits of the world his ambition, Peary launch ed the little band of which he was the leader upon its plunge into the frozen land of mystery in 1S9S. Hope was strong within his breast, and his plans, maturing through the years he had spent in the region for which he was bound in his previous ineffectual dashes north ward, seemed to provide for every contin gency that might arise. It wdas not to be a quick rush through the ice-bound region. Rather was it to be a siege. Peary was convinced that the only way in which he might accomplish his great aim would be to go forward prepared to remain for several years if necessary, fortifying each Btep in advance of the main body of his expedition so he might safely fall back a fraction of the way If compelled to do so and still be ready at the instant conditions changed to push on once more. Relief expeditions wore arranged to go up after him each year, ready to take him back to civiliza tion If he had gained what he sought, or to return without him if he still had his task before him. Privations of the sort that drive the bravest men from their appointed mis sions confronted the daring explorer in the four years that he spent in the frozen fastnesses of the North, cut off from all civilization, his friends and supporters In doubt most of the time whether he till lived. Lieut. Peary made his first exploration of the North in 1880, when, having been granted leave of absence by the Navy Department, he penetrated far into Greenland and reached an elevation on the Greenland ice never before attained by a white man. He also reached the first of his race to accomplish as much the interior plateau of unchanging arctic snow. In 1891 he made his second venture, ac companied by Mrs. Peary and a imall party. His hope was to discover the northern limits of Greenland and seek to push on to the pole if possible. Before he wai well on the way his leg was brok en in an-accident to his ship in the ice floes. It was the following spring be fore he could renew his journey, and then he set out with one companion and his dogs and sledges. July 4 he reached his goal, the northern cud of Greenland, and there he ran up the American flag. A bay stretched before him, and this water he named Independence Bay in honor of the day. Across the bay was land, visi ble, but not attainable. He returned home. His nextxxpedition was begun in 1893, after he had overcome the most trying obstacles in the matter of gathering auffi- N the James River some miles be- low Richmond Is a plantation manor house that was built in 1600. About the middle of the last cen tury the owner of the estate was a widow, Mrs. Margaret Ritchie, who had two twin daughters, Barbara and Eliza beth. Mrs. Ritchie was very wealthy and very ambitious. She took her daughters to Europe with a Tiew to their marry ing noblemen. A German baron proposed for Bar bara and was accepted by the mother, who did not consult her daughter in the matter, intending, if necessary, to en force obedience. The mother did not know that Barbara had a love affair with a lieutenant in the United States army, Theodore Benton, a fine young fellow, but without a cent in the world except his pay. Had she been aware of this attach ment she would not have brought her daughter back to America, which she did, thinking it proper that the baron should come for her at her own home. Soon after her return Barbara met Lieut. Benton at one of the houses fac ing the capitol over which soon was to float the Confederate flag. Already there were mutterlngs of the great struggle to come. Benton was a North ern man, and both knew that this would be an additional reason why Mrs. Ritchie would never consent to their marriage. Benton urged her to marry him at once without her mother's consent, but she dared not Soon after, while Benton and Barbara were still in Richmond, came the news of the firing on Fort Sumter." Benton hastened to find Bar bara, told her that he must at once make his way north and again urged her to marry him. She consented, a clergyman was call PEARY AND FAMILY AMD THE'WiriD'WABD? north faSs! A R CiT IC ) MAP OF THE REGION TRAVERSED BT PEART. The map shows the route taken by the explorer. Following Is an explanation of the letters In tue map: aa, Nansen's farthest north; no other Arctic explorer has reached this point, bb. Latitude reached by Lock wood and Bralnard. cc, Arctic circle. A, Whale Bound, where Peary's Eskimo attendants were taken aboard. B, Sherrard Os born fjord, Peary's base of supplies. C, Depot at northern terminus of land. cient funds to make the journey a possi bility at all. Matt Henson, the black body servant, was with him this time and was his constant companion in all the arduous struggles that followed. His ship, the Falcon, returning after landing him on the northern shores, was lost, and dissensions arising among his followers he was left with only Henson and an other companion, Hugh J. Lee. In 1S95 he set out with his two compan ed, and the two were made man and wife. Benton reached Washington safely. Barbara went home to her mother and broke the news of her marriage. The next summer those at the Ritchie plantation listened every day for a week to the distant boom of cannon in the battles about Richmond. Then a sound, like a storm that had come, roared from the top of Malvern hill, but a short distance away. Even ing had come and with it only the cracking of rifles on the picket line when a young officer rode up to the plantation, announced himself as Liept Benton and, upon being told that the family were there, demanded to see his wife. Mrs. Ritchie came Into the drawing room and received him with a haughty manner by no means softened by the fact that he was an invader of her State and her plantation. She told him that Barbara was ill and that she did not wish to see him. When the war ended she would apply for an annulment of the marriage. Benton flatly refused to believe the statement. Since he was with an army, Mrs. Ritchie could not have him rejected. She therefore resort ed to strategy. "If my daughter eomes into this room and confirms what I have said, will you believe her?" "I will." Half an hour later a young girl stood upon the threshold, pale apparently with illness. Benton seeing what ap peared to be the shadow of his jwife stepped forward. The girl motioned him baefc. "Theodore," she said, "I did wrong in marrying you without my mother's con sent. "Go away. I wish never to see you again." Benton staggered from the house, mounted his horse and rode away. Two years later Grant laid a pontoon bridge across the James, advanced to Petersburg and besieged the -place. During tb passage of the Union troops across the river, an officer rode up to the Ritchie plantation, and without dis THE SHIP "WINDWARD. ions to cross the great ice cap. Lee fell ill and was left behind. Peary and Hen ton reached a latitude of 81 degrees 47 minutes, ten miles farther north than the explorer had gone before, and, then, ac tually starving, were forced to turn back. They picked up Lee and beat their way back to where they had started from. It was after all these disappointments and privations that Lieut. Peary decidedTon this last expedition. mounting handed a negro a note ad dressed to Mrs. Theodore Benton. It read: "Are you of the same mind as in the summer of 1802? If so, I will go away, and when you wish an annulment of our marriage I will not oppose it "THEODORE." In a few moments Barbara appeared at the door, and between hysterical tears and laughter held out her arms. Benton sprang from his horse to her embrace. The first piece of news the husband received was that Mrs. Ritchie had died; the second was an explanation of the renunciation which had occurred when Benton had been there before. Mrs. Ritchie was a woman who, when her mind was made np, would stop at no means which she regarded legiti mate to accomplish her object She con sidered that her daughter had been stolen from her. Therefore she had a right to repossess herself of her own property. She would not He. She had asked Benton, "If my daughter comes into this room and confirms what I have said, will you believe her?" Then she ordered Elizabeth to personate her sister. Elizabeth, without strength of character to resist her mother, had done as she was told. Barbara, On the arrival of her husband, had been locked In her room and had not known of the outrage that had been committed until after her mother's death, when her sis ter confessed and begged forgiveness. Barbara, when she learned how she had been misrepresented to her hus band, was in agony. She bad resolved to go north in search of him when the Unlqi troops appeared. Benton sent a note to his command ing officer announcing that he had found a loving wife, and asking that a leave be granted. It was given, and that night the wedding was celebrated, not by the attendance of the neighbor ing planters, but by the rejoicings of the negroes for whom with then new master the day of jubilee had at last come. PAQAN RITES IN SCOTIA V7 BcottUh f oatm that OfIW nated i 8uprtItion. . Nearly all travelers in central Africa have referred to the curious customs prevalent among all pagan native tribes of driving quantities of nails Into sa cred trees and other objects that have been adjudged worthy of veneration, and this not in malice, but as a religions rite, the nails in question being intend ed as votive offerings. Exactly the same thing may be witnessed to-day at the sacred well of St.Maebruha, in Loch Maree, Rossshire, where Is an ancient oak tree studded with countless nail3 of all sizes, the offerings of Invalid pil grims who came to worship and be cured, says a writer In Stray Stories. Pennies and half-pennies also are to be seen in enormous quantities driven edgewise In the tough ; bark, and a friend of the "writer's who visited the spot some little time back discovered in a cleft high up to the trunk what he took to be a shilling. On being extract ed, however, it proved to be counter feit. Probably the donor, finding that he could get no value for his coin In the natural world, concluded he might as well try, as a last resort, what effect it might have on the spiritual. Of course, the poor cottars and oth ers who flock to - St. J Maebruha with their nails and their pence do not for a moment admit that they are assisting at a pagan ceremony. But they most undoubtedly are. Well worship has al ways occupied an Important place In paganism, and the sacred oak, before which each pilgrim must thrice kneel ere humbly presenting his offering what is it but an obvious survival of the sacred groves of Druldical times? THE FUN Of CAMPING OUT. More and more popular la camp lift becoming each year, says Country Life In America. With those who go into the deep woods in quest of big game and fish the camp life Is, after all, the real attraction, and not the mere de sire to kiU." But where one can, make these trips there are thousands who cannot. For these there are peaceful rivers, wood-girt lakes and ponds and beautiful spots on the shores of Old Neptune available for quite as charm tog a two-weeks' outing beneath can vas. In making up a camping party, choose you . such congenial spirits as shall be. foresworn to philosophical optimism. : r; ' And let there be a wag among them, who, catching the humor of every sit uation; puts to flight all thought of discomfort A level site near a spring with plenty of shade, a pleasant shee of water with good fishing, pine boughs for a bed and driftwood for a fire, and who would trade his life for a king's patrimony? How delicious the fish flavored with the pungent smoke of the fire! How rarely satisfying the simple bill of fare, and how few, after alL are the needs of this Hf el Yours is the joy and happy freedom of the gypsy and vagabond." You have be come a species of civilized barbarian, and It Is ifood. Sunshine or shower, what matters it? You take what eomes and give thanks, and if you are of the right sort some of the beauty of each Is absorbed into your very nature. Long days, lazy days, but hap py days, are the days in camp. Hap and mishap will don the Jester's cap and bells and parade through memory many a time during the after months. BANKRUPTS IN LIVERY. Carious Laws Once Enforced In En gland and Scotland. At one time England and Scotland bankrupts were compellled to wear a distinctive dress. This was a result of enactments passed at various times in Scotland from the year 1606 to 1688. The Edinburgh Court of Sessions speci fied the dress to be of partl-color, one half yellow and the other brown, some thing after the style of the dress now worn in English prisons by the worst class ofprlsoners, those who have at tempted to escape or been guilty of murderous assaults on officers. The enactment also provided that the bank rupt should be exhibited publicly in the market place of his town for a period of two hours and then sent away, con demned to wear the dress until such time as he had paid his debts or some one else had done it for him. Although this was a period of laws which can only be described as fero cious, this law was such an outrage on public sentiment that to 1688 it was so far repealed that the wearing of the dress was only compulsory to cases in which fraud had been proved, or, curiously enough. If the bankrupt had been convicted of . smuggling'. The same practice was legal, but not gen erally to force in England down to the year 1836. The Idea was, of course, to warn persons who might have given credit that the bankrupt was not able to pay, but popular sentiment soon rec ognized that it was wholly unfair to Impose excessive penalties on a man who might have become bankrupt through no fault of his own, and, as usual, when the law became contrary to public feeling it ceased to be op erative. Original View of an Old Tar. Few persons who take out life Insur ance postpone that action so long as did an old English sailor who recently ap plied for a policy. When he presented himself at the insurance office he was naturally asked his age. His reply was &4. "Why, my good man, we cannot in sure you," said the agent of the com pany. "Why not?" demanded the appli vant '"Why, you say you are 94 years of age." "What of that?" the old man cried. "Look at the statistics' and they will tell you that fewer men die at &4 than at any other age." Eqnally Divided. A good story is told of twin brothers, one of whom was a clergyman and the other a doctor. A short-sighted woman congratulated the latter on his admira ble sermon. "Excuse me, madam." was his reply, "over there is my broth er, who preaches; I only practice." Evening Wisconsin. ! Some folks who don't believe to faith cures have unlimited faith to their phy-Biciana OLD FAVORITES v t v 1 1 1 1 1 1 I' 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 I LITTLE BREECHES I don't go much on religion, - ' .. I never ain't had no show; -But I've got a middlin' tight grip, sir. On the handful o things I know. I don't pan out on the prophets, And free-will, and that sort of. thing But I b'lieve In God and the angels Ever since one night last spring. ' " I come into town with some turnips, . And my little Gabe came along , No four-year-old in the county . Could beat hiin for pretty and strong, Peart, and chippy, and sassy, ; Always ready to swear and fight And I'd.larnt him to chaw terbacker" . Jest to keep his milk-teeth"whitei." - The snow came down like a blanket . As I passed by Taggarts store; I went in for a jug of molasses v. a And left the team at the door. .' They scared at something and started; - I heard one little squalL '7 ' . v ; And hell-to-split over the prairie Went team. Little Breeches, and all. Hell-to-spllt over the prairie! I was almost froae with skeer; But we rousted np some torches, ' And searched for 'em far and near. At last we struck horses and wagon, - Snowed under a soft, white mound, . Upset, dead beat but of little Gape No hide nor hair was found. And here all hope soured on me Of my fellow-critter's aid " I jest flopped down on my marrow-bones, Crotch-deep In the snow and prayed. . By this, the torches was played out, And me and Isrul Parr Went off for some wood to a sheepfold That he said was somewhar thar. We found it at last, and a little shed Where they shut up the lambs at nlgat. We looked In and seen them huddled thar, So warm, and sleepy, and white,- And thar sot Little Breeches and chirped. As peart as ever you see, "I want a chaw of terbacker, . And that's what the matter of me." How did he git thar? Angels. He could never have walked In that storm, They jest stooped down and toted him To whar it was safe and warm. And I think that saving a little child, And fotchlng him to his own, ; j Is a durned sight better business Than loafing around the Throne. John Hay. FOR A HUDSON BAY RAILWAY. Dream of Canadians Now Likely to Become a Reality. The statement a few days ago that the Canadian government has equipped a party which will begin at once the exploration of the vast wilderness ly ing north of the Great Lakes seems to indicate that the project for a Hud son Bay railway, which has been a dream for many years, may become a reality in the near future. Little la known of the character of the coun try between the lakes and James' bay, but what has been heard from hunters and Indian guides leads jto the belief that the Bection is wealthy, with deposits of coal and ore, with great forests, and with land suitable for agri culture. The task of surveying these exten sive tracts will be a stupendous one, and the Canadian government does not expect that the labors of the survey tag party will be completed within two years. Although Canadians realized the wealth of the Hudson Bay country, and talked about a railroad for It for more than twenty years, they finally were forced to stand aside and watch Amer ican capital do the business. The first step was taken something over a year ago, when a road was built north from Sault Ste. Marie into the forests in the Moose River country, chiefly to carry pulp to the mills at the "Soo." While It is by no means certain that this road will ever get as far north as James' Bay, it is headed that way. From the "Soo" to Moose Factory, the southernmost point of James' Bay, is a distance of about 500 miles. The Moose river, from its headwaters at Brunswick Post seventy miles north of- the Canadian Pacific line, is 425 miles long, and the road would follow its course for the most part, not much allowance being made for deviations. The upper stretches of the river run J for considerable distances throHgh ' muskeg, or swampy land, and for a 1 long stretch the surrounding country, though heavily timbered, is compara tively leveL It would not offer any more dif ficult problems of engineering in rail- rOHtl UUilUlJ-lg luuu ita v v ta uvi v 1 satisfactorily in the pineries ; and swamp lands in northern Minnesota and Wisconsin. It is not certain that the stories of the vAst mineral wealth of the Moose ' river country are Justified, for little 1 prospecting has been done. But aside from the timber, a ncn farming coun try undoubtedly could be opened along the valley of that river by a railroad. Men who have traveled through from the American line to James' Bay re port abundant evidence of the rich fer tility of the solL With a railroad, that section, now a desolate waste, would become one of the richest agricultural sections of Can ada. The argument made against its agricultural development is that short seasons would make diversified agricul ture Impossible and that grain would not thrive. Those famiHar with the country, however, report that the season along the Moose river is not so much shorter than that of Manitoba, one of the greatest wheat belts of the world. Fif ty miles south of Jamas' Bay the cli mate is not affected by the changes of the sea. Every Hudson Bay post has its garden patch, where all kinds of vegetables are raised. The development of these rich farm ing lands would, it is thought be a big Investment for any road. The Moose river drops 1,000 feet to 425 miles, and, being a constant succession of rapids, offers wonderful opportunities for man ufacturing through the development vt Its water power. L. - FUNERALS IN OLD MEXICO. Street Cars for Hearaes, and - Coffin Peddled from Door ta Door "Did you ever see a 'street car funer al?" The questioner was a drummer for a large Eastern house, and had just returned from an extensive trip throughout Mexico. "A street car funeral?" the reporter repeated. - , "Yes, sir.! One meets with odd sights the moment he crosses the Mexican bor der, i)ut he reaches the climax in the City of Mexico itself, and from what I can learn it is the only town to the "world where "street car funerals' are an every-. operated on." Ex. day occurrence. Funerals, like all other j Voice (from upstairs, to suitor In par things Mexican,, are divided Into, two . lor) George, when you leave will you classes. Those who can afford luxuries j please throw in the morning paper? procure the hearse drawn by four blaclt . Judge. horses, with a coachman and a foot- Incompetent: "She doesn't know how man, and ornamented with gold and sil ver trappings of every description. But the poorer element must be content with just a plain, ordinary street car, with the seats removed, a few pieces of cheap black cloth tacked here and there to lenw jl somber effect and drawn by a pah- of sunburned but energetic mules. - "When a Mexican dies the street car company is immediately notified - to have a hearse and the required number of coaches at a certain point on their track as near as possible to the late res idence of the deceased. The coffin is then placed upon the shoulders of four friends and carried from the house to the street car pageant ta waiting. The remains are carefully deposited on the platform of the first car, the gaudily attired mourners climb ta the remaining coaches, and the funeral proceeds, in more or less state, to the cemetery. Cigarettes are very much ta evidence, and a casual observer might well sup pose from the ascending smoke that the remains were being cremated en route. "If the mourners are extremely sor rowful they may pull down the blinds and close the doors, thus enjoying com plete privacy. The great objection, how ever, to the street car funeral is the de gree of speed that must be maintained In order to keep the tracks cleared for regular traffic. In fact on one occa sion just before I left the capital I saw the little mules attached to the second class hearse coming down the street at a full gallop, affording us an astonish ing combination of 'the quick and the dead. "And speaking of funerals reminds me of a little incident which occurred up to Queretaro, a town some miles north of the city. I was sitting out in front of the adobe hotel one evening when I noticed an old man going from door to door with a plain pine coffin on his back. He was what Is termed a 'coffin peddler,' and was trying to in duce the residents to lay In a supply of coffins for the approaching winter. The principal argument used In disposing of his grewsome wares was that all are bound to die sooner or later, and one might as well be supplied with all the necessary requisites to a funeral." Washington Post Birth of London Bridge. On Aug. 1, 1831, William IVl and Queen Adelaide formally opened with much ceremony ' the famous London bridge, so that the structure now Is a little over seventy-one years old. Their majesties went .in grand proces sion from Buckingham palace to Som erset house, and thence by barge to the bridge. The awnings of the royal barge were removed, that a full view of the royal pair could be had along the whole line. At London bridge a grand pavilion had been set up close to the site of Old Fishmongers' Hall. It waa constructed of standards cap tured to a hundred fights, canopied in crimson and decorated with massive shields. When the King stepped ashore be said to two members of the London bridge committee: "Mr. Jones and Mr. Bouth, I am very glad to see you on London bridge. It is certainly a most beautiful edifice and the spectacle is the grandest and the most delightful in every respect that I ever had the pleasure to witness." This, of course, says the London News, was before any one thought of building an annex to Westminster Abbey. Reported Him Literally. Fault was found with the way in which the shorthand writers reported the speeches In a legislative body. They retaliated by giving the speech of one of the members exactly as he made It with the following result: "The reporters ought not to-the re porters ought not to be the ones to judge what Is Important not to say what should be left out but-the member can only Judge of what is Im portant As I as my speeches as the reports as what I say is reported some times, no one nobody can understand from the reports what it is what I mean. So It strikes me It has struck me certain matters things that appear of importance are sometimes left out omitted. The reporters the . papers points are reported I mean to make a brief statement what the paper thinks of Interest Is reported." Cleve land Leader. All Sirloin. Holman F. Day's "Pine Tree Bal lads" tells in verse a number of stories that actually happened "down n Maine," and are remembered there to- day by old narrators. One relates to Barney McGauldric, a landlord of that State, at whose house famous men Ilk ed to stay, that they might enjoy a merry joke. Barney was always loyal to his friends. At one time a new meat deal er came to town, and tried to secure the landlord's trade. "I have always bought meat of Jed Haskell," said Barney, "and I guess I won't change." "But" said the other, "old Haskell doesn't know his business. He doesn't even know how to cut meat" "WeH," drawled Barney, "I've al ways found that he knows enough about it to cut sirloin steak clear to the horn, and thaf s good enough for me," Sound Sleep. We sleep the soundest between three and five o'clock to the morning. An hour or two after going to bed you sleep very soundly; then your slumber grows grauusiij n&uiKi, ouu n is caojr . enough to waken you at one or twoj o'clock. But when four o'clock comes I you are to such a state of somnolence that it would take a great deal to wak- ea you. "So Gay boy has recovered?" "Yes. The lucky, fellow was too poor to be to manage, does she?" "No. For years she has lived beyond her alimony." Judge. He "Her rich uncle gave them a magnificent wedding present" She "What was it?" He "A ton of coal." Detroit Free Press. "Three knots an hour isn't such bad time for a clergyman," smilingly said the minister to himself, just after he had united' the third couple. Tit-Bits. Nell "I stopped in at a bargain sale to-day." Belle "Did you see anything that looked real cheap?" Nell "Yes; '"everal men watting for their wives.- Philadelphia Ledger. "Really, Louise, this bill is outrage ous. You mustn't try to dress like these millionaires' wlvesl" "My dear Ned. control yourself. I'm only trying to ap pear as well dressed as the shop girls." Life. Wide: "Papa, what is the difference between the Smart Set and the Four Hundred?" "Why, my son, the Four Hundred is limited to two thousand six hundred, but everybody is lh the Smart Set" Ex. One way for the young man to get rich Is to save money. Another way is to marry a girl whose father has saved money. Somervllle Journal. His Wife "But can they prove that you have been dishonest?" "No, they can't; but I shall have to pay a lawyer all I have stolen to convince them that they oan't" Life. "Yes, I'm encouraging my daughter to keep company with that Arctic ex plorer." "What's the reason?" "He'll be able to stand It In the parlor with out any fire tills winter." Clevelana Plain Dealer. The Old Man "Young man, when you take my daughter, I trust you with the dearest treasure of my life. No, I couldn't lend you my auto for a little spin. I value It too highly to risk It to strange hands." Harper's Bazar. "Are you going to marry him ." asked the girl In white. "I don't know." an swered the girl In pink. "It would be dreadful if I married him and then found out that that detestable Minnie Wilklns never really wanted him." Chicago Post Miss Anne Teek (blushing) "Mr. Strong offered to put his arm under me and teach me to float In the surr to-day, but of course I wouldn't hear of It" Miss Somergal "Nonsense! One Is never too old to learn." Philadel phia Catholic Standard. In Disguise: Mrs. Stubbs-Thls is strange, John. I thought the people on this block were immensely wealthy, and now I find them sitting around to patched clothing. Mr. Stubb That's nothing, Maria; they are expecting the tax assessor. Chicago Dally New3. Thoroughbred Sport T Blizzer I just heard that Bilgewater jumped out of his yacht yesterday and was drowned. Buzzer Shocking! Did he do It with suicidal Intent? Blizzer Oh, no; he was racing and did it to lighten his boat and thereby win the race. Chi cago State Journal. It was a Maysville negro preacher who, needing the money, said: "Breth ren, we will now staht de box, an' fo de glory ob heaven, which ebber ob you stole Mr. Jones' turkey will please not put anything in hit" And ?yery man in the congregation contributed. Kansas City Star. Harry "To tell the truth, I don't be lieve Alice ever cared for me." Har riett "Nonsense! What put that Idea into your head?" Harry "I know what I'm talking about How otherwise do you account for it that she remembers everywhere we went on our honey moon?" Boston Transcript "You must abandon all business cares for the future," says the physician. "But I fear that I have not yet accumu lated sufficient money," protests the multi-millionaire. "Why, my dear sir, you have got enough money to pay physicians' fees for the rest of your life." Baltimore American. "That Mrs. Wadhams to whom you Introduced me the other evening re minds me very much of a portrait by Rembrandt" "Is that so? Which one?" "Oh, any old one. They all look, when you get close to them, as If the paint had been thrown on by the hand ful." Chicago Times-Herald. Sandy Pikes "Lady, cud yer please give me four cents. I wants to write a letter to me poor old mudder. Lady "What do you want with four cents? Two cents will send a letter anywhere 1 to the country." Sandy Pikes "Yes, ! lady, but I wants to send me mudder a check, an' I wants- de extra two cents fer a revenue stamp." Chicago News. Professor What Is the dose of cro ton oil? Student (in a hurry) One teaspoonful. The professor makes no comment but the student feels he has not answered correctly. Student (fif teen minutes later) I want to change my answer to that question. Profes sor Oooking at his watch) It Is too late. Your patient has been dead four teen minutes. New York Times. American Railways. Railway mUeage lu the United States has passed the 200,000 mark, which is considerably more than two-fifths of the entire railway mileage of the world. Acted Like a Professional. She Did you ever kiss a girl be fore? j He Am I doing this like a beginner? uetroii K ree tress. It will make the women mad to say it but the facts are that mighty few of them make good bread before they are forty.