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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (May 23, 1902)
FAIRYLAND. You need not travel to a star; The way is easy, and not far An hoar's walk, a mile from town. The herons of the old lagoon Lead yon along the path; for sign Are arrowhead-blossoms, frail and fine. Beside the water; then the wood Takes you; but only by the blood " Leaping, and by the sudden start Of the OTerfull and thrilling heart. You know you see it faee to face. The greenwood bowers a sonny space For song-sparrow tinkling; and below July's green lap is fall of snow, Is drifted rich with white and pink; Of bouncing-bet from brink to brink; The hannted air resounds between With humming-birds, obscure and keen, Like burnt-out stars that dart and float. With but a last fire at the throat. You saw but common summer flowers? Heard but a hum that drowsed the hours? Your blood leaped not, nor shook your heart? Ah, well; J know no other chart. The path is for your feet as far As that which lessens to a star. ntury. ORNWALLLS COBB Corn Cobb, he was familiarly called by bis .issociates was undoubtedly a more ludicrous than elegant name. Katherine never knew why he should be so burdened, except that Cornwallis was an old family name, "as though that were any reason," she once re marked, indignantly, "to mark a man through life." t She remembered vividly when she had considered it the most ridiculous nmne lu the world, but somehow to day, as she thought of a tall, handsome man she had'met on Regent street, in the morning, the absurd side did not appeal to her so strongly. Before that chance meeting it had been four years since she had seen him in a small town in New Jersey, where, after leaving Princeton, be had laid bis heart and worldly goods at her feet. In the interval the Cobb exchequer had been materially Increased through the death of a near relation. Cornwal lis, tall and ungainly in those days, smarting under Katherine's ungracious refusal, shook the dust of his native town from his feet, and sailed to Ger many to study. Tor the first time. In looking back over the episode, Katkerim? realized how disdainful had been her refusal. When pressed for a reason, she had replied with unblushing candor that she never could care for a man whose name was Corn Cobb, no matter what merits he possessed. But that morning, when be had al most stumbled over her in a depressing London fog, he seemed to feel nothing but the utmost pleasure in the unex pected meeting. In a delicate way he drew from her the account of her father's death arid the necessity now laid upon her of earning her own living, all of which was uewsto him. Her voice and pow ers of mimicry she told him were her only gifts, and on the advice of a friend who hnd lived nbroad she had cone to London and found employment I in 1tc!ikt nrm snnrr in tb firnwini. ! rooms of people of wealth and title. Katuerine Whitney had come to Lon don six months before with eager re lief, to escape the poverty which faced her in her own country, but though well received, she never forgot her po sition; she was hired at so much to entertain my lady's guests, and when that was over they had no further use for her. In former days she had looked upon the Cobbs with amused tolerauce at their lavish display, feeling an Inborn sense of pride that though poor, she was a Whitney, and one of her ances tors had signed the Declaration of In dependence. From childhood she had hated pover ty; it meant to her a cramped, narrow life; desires that could not be fulfilled, generosities that coukl not be grati fied, and yet when a way of escape had presented Itself In the person of Cornwallis Cobb, she had decided that there could perhaps be more distasteful experiences than poverty. Tlv.it niirlit Katherine amused herself by reading the society news in the iueeii. The high-sounding titles inter ested her and beguiled the time, for she made few friends in London and found people not eager to welcome a stringer. Suddenly among the names that met her eye. she saw one that she recog nizedit was Cornwallis Cobb. The Item read: "Mr. Cornwallis Cobb, one of America's young millionaires, is be ing entertained by Lady Henry Claj--liorne, at Clayborne manor, Yorkshire. Humor has It that a marriage has been arranged betweeu Mr. Cobb and Lady Clayborne's eldest daughter. Lady Mariau Clayborne." Katherine could not help a regretful feeling. It was like finding a friend and then losing him suddenly. Lady Clayborne was .evidently not averse to the name of Cobb, and Katherine laughed a little to herself at her former feeling of condescension to the Cobbs. It was nearly ten days before Cobb called, as he had promised. When day by day passed without any sign from him Katherine was conscious of a dis tinct sense of disappointment, and she concluded his other social duties had made him forget her. But one morning there arrived a big bunch of violets. The maid who brought them to her was overcome by the size. "Laws. Miss," she exclaimed, with delight, "they must have cost a 'eap!" That evening Cobb called, and ex plained that he had been summoned to Paris suddenly the day after he had last seen her, and had just come back. It was wonderful how many things they had to talk about as fhey sat there In the shabby little back drawing room. Katherine seemed to forget, she had never shown him so much of herself before. It was so natural to be talking to blm about thlugs that interested her most. It was a fortnight later that she was engage! to sing at Lady Leeland's re ception. Her head ached, and her eyes were dazzled by the blaze of lights and jewels. J Suddenly she saw moving across, the ODD TOWER Here Is a castle, not made of stone. like the medieval structures of England, but composed entirely of fruit. The turrets at the top are of red apples, like wise the borders of the windows. T. he walls are Constructed of large green apples, the fruit being glued to a light framework of wood. Tbe castle wag constructed at the Pan-American Exposition at Buffalo, and the top of the turrets was twenty feet from the floor, while the interior was large enough to hold a score of per sons. Altogether nearly 10.000 apples alone were used in its formation and in the construction of the guns, the muzzles of room Cornwallis Cobb, on whose "arm leaueda tall, pretty girl. .Some one nearby whispered It was Lady Marian Claylwrne. - For a moment her heart beat violent ly, and then Lady Leeland moved over and motioned her to sing. It was a catchy little coon song, and when she finished it was greeted with welFured applause. Lady Marian had come so near that she could hear her remark to her companion: ' "Clever little thing quite an air about her!" Katherine took elaborate care not to look In their direction, and did not hear his reply, but the patronizing tone of the girl's voice filled her with indigna tion. . The evening seemed terribly long drawn out, and Katherine thought it would never end She found herself sitting In a corner alone Just after re freshments were served, when she heard" her name mentioned by two rath er dissipated-looking youths, who stood ogling her not far away. That their conversation was meant for her to hear she had not the least doubt, and her face burned. "She looks a jolly sort," said one.' "I have half a mind to ask her out in the conservatory. Those Americans do anything." "Aw, quite so,"assented the other. "Go and ask fier and I'll join you later." At this moment Sig. Maronl, the little man who played the 'cello, came for ward and pompously offered his arm to conduct her to a small retreat where members of the profession were served by themselves. She rose with relief at his appear ance, when, to her surprise, Cobb sttd- denly stepped forward, and with a slight bow. to Maroni explained that Miss Whitney had promised him the honor of serving her, and before she knew what to say, Cobb was bending over her in the conservatory. "Confound the Impertinence of those idiots!" he said angrily." "Did thev frighten you?" "O, no," replied Katherine faintly, "I had a headache, that was all" and with energy "I hate this sort of thing!" ' - "You mean " "Yes, I mean this amusing peopled" she interrupted. "Their insults mad den me." "O, Katherine,, Jet's run away from it all," he began with sudden eagerness. "I would be so good to you, but " a long pause. "But what, Wallis?" she asked soft ly. "O. my confounded name." he replied bitterly. "You know you told me once you would never marry a Corn Cobb." "Yes," she said, with a proud little gesture, laying her hand on his sleeve. "I know I said it once, but that was before I cared; now" her voice was very low "there Is nothing in the world so sweet to me as to be Mrs. Cornwallis Cobb." BABY WAS AN ARTIST. Messenger Puzzled Over Admira tion for Her Charcoal Drawing;. Dockerty, the district messenger boy, was just in from a dash through the rain recently, when he was hailed by his reporter friend with a request for a story. "Well, dey ain't much doin'," said Dockerty. closing one eye meditative ly. Tossing off his rubber coat, he fixed his sharp little gray eyes on the reporter. "I'll tell youse a yarn wot ain't wild er woolly, if youse'il tell me de name of it afterward. Dat goes, does It?" Slippiug his palm under his legs above the knees and swinging his thin little trottexs vigorously, Dockerty said: "Up by St. Patrick's cathedral's a house wid a man an wife an' a little girl 4 years old. Dere wuz a boy kid, but he wuz took wid splner mengeetus. Well, dis little girl's mudder Is a swell OUT OF THE " The illustration is a reproduction of a photograph of the first British, subma rine boat coming to the top of the water after its inaugural trip. The boat is patterned somewhat after the Holland submarine boat. For more than a year the British government has been experimenting secretly with submarine craft, having been stirred to this action by the success of the French submarine boats. Gustar Zede. Gymnote and Norwal and our own Holland boats. No one knows what the Admiralty has accomplished, but It is certain that soon the world's greatest navy will be greatly re-euforced by vessels of the new type. MADE OF FRUIT. which protrude from each side. - lady, an 'ex bubby is swell, too, an' she calls him 4Bub,' 'cause I hears her. Well, I wuz t' de house on Monday wld a message, wich fuz werry pertic- ular, inwitin de swell lady down t' d' Waldorf-Astoria t set in de gallery at de Prince Henry . dinner. " "I wuz down In de basemen" an dere wuz de kid, wich has de run er de ' house. Well, de baby wuz on de floor wid a piece er charcoal an' de Bouse dog wuz in front er de range. De baby takes a piece er pape wot comes 'round de groceries, an' makes a lot o' black scratches on de pape. Den she comes over ter me an' se& kinder soft like: 'Baby give-oo boofer pietur dog gie.' Say," said Dockerty, excitedly, "dern me If 'twasn't a purty good dog picture. Sles' den de baby's mudder she comes in an' sees de baby's blacfc- hands, an' den she looks at the char coal dog. Den she makes a dive fur tne pictur, an' de baby yells, 'No, mam ma no. Ittle boy's doggie.' "Well, dere wuz a arbitration over dat piece o' pape. De swell lady w'ls- pered er me, an' I t'anks de baby an goes out into de westibule. De lady follies mo out 'n' wot yer t'ink? She says: 'You dear boy. here's $5 fur dat piece o' paper.' I takes der money, o' course, an' den I wonders wot tinder gol mine I'll run into nex. Well, I goes t dat same place to-day, an de same lady takes me in de parlor wot wuz full er swell ladies, an' hangin on de wall, in a gold frame, wuz dat char coal terrier. All de folks wuz sayin, 'It's jes' too lovely,' an' 'How did the darlin' ever do It? an' t'lugs like dat. Dockerty paused and looked at his newspaper friend, says the New York Tribune. Then he bluntly demanded: "Now, youse make good an' tell me de right name fur goin's on like -dat. Wot's de k'rect name fur if?" : England's Resident .Aristocracy. It is curious how many members of the aristocracy and upper classes reside in the colonies and in America, says the London Express. Lord Charles Fitzger ald has for many years past made his home beneath the Southern Cross. He resides at Fernlea Villa, Riddell's Creek, in Victoria. The Earl of Seafield has resided for many years in New Zea land. Sir Norman Campbell, of Auchfn breck, resides in New Zealand, as do also Sir Kenneth Mackenzie Douglas and Sir William Forbes, at Pitsligo. Sir Alexander Cockburn-Campbell, of Gartsford. lives In western Australia, and Sir AVilliam Brown, of Colstdup, resides lu New South Wales. Lord Fairfax makes his permanent home in New York, and Lord Ffrench has taken up his abode in Bulawayo, Rhodesia. The Hon. Claud Anson,-who married Lady Susan Beresford, has a ranch in Texas, as has also his brother, the Hon. Francis Anson. Sand Pillars. Travelers In the celebrated Death Valley of California have described the wonderful contortions of the sand pil lars that small whirlwinds sometimes send spinning across the hot plain, Even more" remarkable are the "dust devils" seen by H. F. Witherby, the English explorer, In the valley of-the White Nilej Sometimes two of these whirling columns, gyrating in oppo site directions, meet, "and if they be well matched the collision stops them and a struggle ensues as to which way they shall twist. Gradually one gams the mastery, and the two com bined begin to gyrate alike and then rush on together." Some of these whirls will strip the clothes from an Arab's back, or twist a goat round and round like a top. New Line of Torpedoes. The Portsmouth (England) torpedo school has devised a line of torpedoes to prevent submarine attacks. Many a man who is capable of giv ing good advice isn't capable of earn ing his salt DEPTHS. DETECTIVE PHOTOGRAPHY. Caaea in Which the Camera Haa Coat ; to the Aid of Jastice. -; .: Photography Is every year proving Its usefulness as a friend of justice and enemy of crime. ; A writer in Tit Bits describes a case of diamond theft in . Calcutta, in which ; no . evidence against the arrested person could be found. A policeman familiar with the artifices . of the "nati ve criminals, sug gested that an X-ray photograph be taken of the man'sthroat, ,. The test revealed the hidden diamond.- By a trick which Hindu jewel thieves learn after severe practice, the fellow had "aide-swallowed" the stone. - A little more than a year ago some evidence that smugglers In - Buenos Ayres were receiving gems througlTtlie malls put the authorities on the watch. Postal matter, in transit could not be legally opened, but on suspicion sixty six registered letters and parcels were examined by the X-ray." and found to contain twenty thousand dollars woTttr 0- precious stones. The dishonest traf fic was stoppl, and a large sum was saved to the customs revenue. . A person taking long-distance views from one" of the upper, windows of a tall building -in Rochester.. N. Y caught the picture of a passing mar ket-wagon with a man behind in the act of lifting a tub of butter from the load. The thief got away with his booty unnoticed by the driver or any one on the street, but the photograph, when , sufficiently enlarged, identified and convicted him. ; '.' - A marine view taken by a passenger on a foreign steamer in the Jjarbor of Rio de Janeiro included a small yacht. Two men, Grayson and Linares, had gone out in the yacht that morning. Only Grayson returned alive. He said his companion had fallen from the mast and been killed; but his story was not believed, and he was tried and sen fenced as a murderer. The trial had been pretty fully reported in the pa pers, and one day it occurred to the photographer to apply a powerful glass to his picture, in order to discover the character of a small dark mark on the salL Under the magnifier the spot on the sail proved to be the figure of a falling man. He reported his discov ery, and as soon as it bad been offi cially verified Grayson was released. A similar timely discovery was made after the village tragedy known . as The Cooper . Murder," in Lancashire, England. Cooper, apprentice to Mc Kenna, a blacksmith, was found dead on the floor of the tatter's shop, and the coroner's jury .brought In a verdict of suicide. An amateur photographer who had been through the village tak ing "snap-shots" on the day of Cooper's death, developed his films, and one of them showed the smithy with a par tial view of the interior through the open door, revealing evidence which caused McKenna's arrest and his final confession -of the murder. Complaints are' beard against the camera as a nuisance, and "undoubtedly the owners sometimes abuse their privi lege, but cases multiply in which its use Is beneficent, and even its acci dental "work proves valuable. Dogs are to be used as river police on the Seine In Paris. Twenty New foundlands, warrapted to save the ap parently drowning, are allotted to as many gendarmes, and it is hoped that in consequence the rate of suicide will decrease in the French capital. Giraffes in zoological gardens seem to be aware of their pecuniary value and ready to take advantage of it. Fail- ing-their natural diet of leaves, which they strip from the trees with their long, black prehensile tongues, they eat only the finest clover hay. Moreover, they are lazy, wasteful brutes, spilling the bay on the floor of their paddock and rarely troubling to recover it. For this reluctance, however, their prover bial fastidiousness may be partly re sponsible. Only an occasional onion, apple or lump of sugar pleases them apart from their hay and there is even a belief that, fond as a giraffe is of a whole apple, nothing will induce it to eat one from which its keeper first takes a bite. An instance of the possibility of liv ing under a snowdrift Is recorded dur ing, severe storms In England. On Dec. 9 a large flock of sheep belonging to a cattle dealer of Garsdale were out on the open moor. The shepherds with their dogs collected the sheep and drove them to a more sheltered locality, dreading a threatening stormwhich Soon followed: One sheep, however, escaped and made its way back to the pasture, where it was overtaken by the heavy fall of snow and imbedded In it There it remained until the snow melt ed, when the shepherds were aston ished to find it alive and well. It had stayed under the snow for, twenty-two days. On its release It was found per- fectly able to walk home, a distance of a mile and a half. It is curious to note that this same animal had undergone a similar burial in November, when it was "snowed up" for ten days. No Sensation Intended. Among the printed and posted regula tions of one of the New York public schools are these instructions for the fire drill of the pupils: Fire.drilMA) 3 Bells-To the side walk and return, with clothing. "(B) 4 Bells To the yard and return. without clothing.".-- As a matter of fact, this performance is not as sensational as this principal's ambiguity might suggest, for the cloth ing referred to is only the outer wraps and hats of the children. New York Mail and Express. Defense ot Mosquitoes. ' - -A defender of the mosquito says the great majority of - mosquitoes never taste either bumau blood or that of any animal, not having the opportun ity. They live upon vegetable juices and decomposing animal and .vegetable matter, found in the localities where it- y are most numerous, and thus per form a valuable service as nature's scavengers. V OLDEST WAG0N IN AMERICA. ':-.- Picturesque among the relics of ancient Indian days, dating back to the ; introduction of cattle in New Mexico, more than 200 years ago, is the old carreta or ox cart, shown in the illustration, which la probably the oldest vehicle of native American origin in the world. This carreta was found in the possession of a native Indian in the ancient -pueblo village, Rio Tesuque, situated about five miles from-Santa Fe, the capital of New Mexico. The Indian, who was 83 years old, said it had been the property of his great-grandfather, and the tradi tions of Rio Tesuque, when taken in correlation with known historical events, clearly establish the date of its making in the latter half of the seventeenth.. - century. . - : 4 - .'- - . , .. " The ancient vehicle shows the primitive conditions of past modes of travel. The great wheels are made of the cross sections of the sycamore tree. The hubs are of one piece with the body of the wheels; they are secured by wooden pins driven through the axle. " No iron or metal .figures in the make-up, wood nd rawhide . alone being used in the construction. The' body of the carreta is an open rack of cottonwood eight feet long. Upright slats four feet high form this rack. The frame rests upon the axle and the tongue. . The tongue, twelve feet long, is a twisted and gnarled trunk of a mesqulte tree. The oxen which drew this ancient cart pushed with their heads a sor.t of yoke in the shape of a bow of wood bound upon the horns with rawhide, which may be seen to-day in some parts of France and Germany. CHICAGO WONDERS AT IT. Remarkable Feat of Engineering Skill Now About Completed. Three distinct and unusual features tend to make the great subway system now being constructed in Chicago one of the most extraordinary triumphs of engineering skill ever accomplished. It Is unique in design; mammoth in size and the methods of construction" and ultimate use are decidedly novel. Chicago is a most peculiar city. While it covers an area of 184 square miles, a large portion of which is sparsely popu lated, the "business interests are cen tered In a district about three-quarters of a mile square. Within these narrow limits are the great wholesale houses, banks, department stores, office build ings, theaters, railway depots and steamboat docks. The result is a bewildering confusion of pedestrians on the sidewalks, while the roadways arechoked with street cars, delivery wagons and heavy drays. All this within a radius of six blocks 'ZA 1 W.XJJP 1 1 agauij tms,f '.'J.-.. . 1 1 ' . J. i . n i iiwium. J i . i SECTION OF MAIN TUNNEL, JACKSON AND DEARBORN STREETS. from the corner of State and Madison streets, the hub of the business section. Outside of this district there is com parative ease of movement for both pedestrian and wagon traffic. To offer partial remedy for the Ills affecting the city a proposition was made to the Council for an under ground telephone service" that would rid Chicago of the Bell monopoly. It was received kindly and a permit given to construct the necessary conduits. Then opposition began to show Itself. A clause was Inserted In the franchise forbidding the new concern, to tear up bit of pavement, or to disturb the surface of the roadways in any man- ner under pain of forfeiture of Its en-j tire plant This was about two years ago, and since there has been no sign of any work being done. Not a foot of street. pavement had been torn up, and when the word was given out not long ago that seven miles of large-sized tunnels had been built under the business sec tion of Chicago and were ready for use, everybody, excepting the men directly interested in the work was astounded. As opposition was feared, the work has been done quietly. Basements were rented at convenient intervals along the line and the work of excavation be gun. Men were put to digging, and the earth taken out was hauled up and carted away at night through the coal holes in the sidewalks, so that it did not attract attention. In the daytime there was not a sign to indicate to the thousands of pedestrians that any un usual work was In progress, but every hur of the twenty-four, day and night, hundreds of men were digging away like moles forty feet below the surface of the street . It was necessary to go this deep In or der to avoid the sewer and gas pipes, the conduit of the telephone and the telegraph companies, the electric light cables and the great water mains. Now the work is about completed. The main tunnels are 14x12 feet and the branches 6x8. Although constructed ostensibly for the accommodation of telephone wires, this will in reality be a small part of a new enterprise. Its subways are of such size that small cars can be run through them, and on these it is pro posed to transport the mails from the general postoffice to the various rail way depots and sub-stations: to deliver newspapers to the raiway depots and to the dealers instead of sending them by wagons, as is now done, and to carrj package-- freight from theuowu-towa stores to the outlying districts. No at tempt will be made to do a passenger business. - , - Intelligible Announcement. An American "woman who under stands Italian, but has not learned to comprehend Italianized English, bad at a hotel in-Florence ap experience which she relates with glee. She had asked that a carriage might be ready for her at a certain hour. She waited In the parlor for it to be an nounced, and when the time had passed she made complaint that her request had not been regarded. "But, madam, I send up a boy where you and the other madam were sitting, ten minutes ago, and command him to announce your equipage," said the clerk. "A boy said something In the door way," said the lady, doubtfully, "but as he spoke in a language unknown to me, and did not seem to be addressing me, I paid no attention to him." ' The boy, being summoned, gazed with brown, reproachful eyes at the lady. "But I speak America," he said plain tively. "I bow my head, and say, fast, very fast, 'M'darm, m'darm, .c'ridge, c'ridge, redee, redee, and make myde part." HOW TO SET GRAVITATION AT DEFIANCE Modern acrobats perform some seemingly impossible feats. We have seen them walking on the ceiling like flies, but none, so far as known, has yet succeeded in lying on his face In thin air, asif he were taking a stroll down the side of a house and had stop ped to examine the horizon. This par ticular trick is a "fake," pure and sim ple, though not a photographic one. The picture Is strictly truthful, but the man Is lying on a beam which projects from the wall. ' Simple, isn't it, when you know how it is done? Exchange. Africa's Ancient Sea. " Recent studies of the animal life of Lake Tanganyika have shown that that lake differs from all other African lakes in possessing inhabitants that be long to the oceanic species. Still, these singular denizens of Lake Tanganyika are not exactly like the marine organ Isms of the present day, and the; con clusion is drawn that a sea, connected with the open ocean, once occupied the parts of Africa where Tanganyika now lies and that the lake is the last rem nant of the ancient sea. Malapropos. Cadleigh I thought I had met you before. Miss Browne. Miss Browne No; I guess it was rny sister. Cadleigh Perhaps so. . The .Mi3; Browne I met was rather pretty." Philadelphia Press. " A Temperate People. The per capita consumption of s;'r: in the United States is smaller tli.in : any other of the great nafious. Fred -John's wife helps him with his literary labors, doesn't shet Freder icks Oh! yes, she cashes his checks. i wouuer u ue uun iujr oictici uu money. Has he . proposed?" "He' has." "He does." New York Herald. "Do yon believe In love at first sight. Chris?" "Sure. If more men took a closer look they wouldn't fall in love." Philadelphia Bulletin. - "Will you marry me?" he asked. "I told you once that I would not," she answered. "Yes, but that was yester day." he urged. Tid- Bits. - "It's a small village.", "So small they call a shop a store?" "Oh, small er than that. They call a store an em porium." New .York Sun. "He proposed " to her as a joke." "Yes?' . "Well, she accepted him. He does not regard himself as a humorist any more." Brooklyn Life. Jaggles A new summer drink has been named ping-pong. Waggles So they're going to force it down our throats, eh? New York Sun. Too late we learn to grasp the clew, Twlxt that which is and that which wa's; . . And the man who's always "going to" Is the man who never "does." "Jenkins holds his head mighty high this mornin. What's happened?" "Just put a mortgage on the mule an' sold a mocklu'bird for $10. Atlanta Constitution. "Pa," said little Willie, "I wonder why. a bad actor Is called a 'ham.' " "Perhaps," replied his father, "it's be cause he's so often served with eggs." Philadelphia Press. He--Do you mean to say the plumber has not been here yet? She No isn't it shameful? And we such good cus tomers; our plumbing is nearly always out of order! Brooklyn Life. Foreign Visitor Your American so ciety has no. castles with haunted rooms. American Girl N-o, we haven't, I admit; but (brightening) we have plenty of scandals. New York Weekly. Traveler I sent you half an hour ago to the railway station-to fiud when the next train goes. Porter Yes, sir, and to be sure and "be exact I waited till it started It was just 12:37 Poll chinelle. "I don't believe you love me a bit!" sobbed his wife. "But I do, darling! I " "Don't tell me! It's unnatural you should. No man could love a woman who wears such old hats as I do." Answers. Judge Have the letters been duly examined by the handwriting expert? Prosecutor Yes, your honor. Judge Very well, let the handwriting expert now- be examined by the insanity ex pert. Ohio State Journal. Clerk "Mr. Snipper wa's in while you were out; he said he'd call again to morrow. Proprietor Very kind of him. Clerk But he wanted to collect a bill. Proprietor Very kind to say when he would call. Boston Transcript "Now that my engagement to Edgar is broken off I wonder if he'll ask me to return tlnj-jewels that he gave me?" "If he doesn't ask for them I'd send them back at once for in that case they're not genuine!" Fliegeude Blaet ter. s "Of course you've read Homer's story of 'Ulysses and Calypso,' haven't you?" "No, I really can't say that I have. now, don't you know, that I just sim ply don't pretend to keep track of them all." Chicago Times-Herald.- . Mr. Stingum By the way. Sharpe.: says he saw you in the Bongtoug'cafe yesterday Nuritch Cadd Yes, but I cut him. Did he tell you that? Mr. Stingum No, but he did remark that he expectea every minute 10 see you cut voiirself. PhiladelDhia Press. The automobile bad broken down and the chauffeur was busy trying to discover me irouuie. xuc imiiaucui, owner of the machine at last broke out: "Hurry up, Felix; there are a lot of people crossing the street that we are missing." Yonkers Statesman. Mrs. Waldo (of Boston) I have a letter from your Uncle James, Penel ope, who wants us to spend the sum mer on his farm. Penelope (dubious ly)Is there any society in the neigh borhood? Mrs. Waldo I've heard him Spea& UL lilt; auu v m i j. I presume they are pleasant people.-1-Boston Christian Register. Life Worth Living. George Well, life is worth living, after all. Jack ' What's happened? George I went to and by some chance Harry Handsom was there to see his sister off, hnd in the rush and noise and confusion wo got mixed, and I hugged his sister and ha hnffmul mlrna Vow Vnrlr WpaItIit Ready for Anything. "But, why," ask of the great Inventor, "do. you have this huge balloon at the top cf your machine, and the large wheels and steering gear beneath it?" "Because," : he answers, with patient consideration for our Inability to grasp 9n idea when . it juts out before us, "I am not sure yet whether this will be an airship or an automobile." Baltimore American. A man went with his wife to visit " her physician. The doctor placed a thermometer in the woman's mouth. ' After two or three minutes, just as the physician was about to remove the instrument, the man, who was not . used to such a prolonged spell of bril liant silence on the part of his life's partner, said: "Doctor, what will you take for that thing?" New York Times. , Record in Clothes-M.iking. Thomas Kitson, of the Stroudsburg mills, in Pennsylvania, had ix sheep sheared at 6:30 o'clock in the morning. The wool was then sorted, scoured, : dried, carded, spun, woven into cloth auu me ciuiu wus gucu to me tailors and made up into a suit of clothes which were given to Mr. Kitsou at 12:34 o'clock, or six hours anri fv.1.1. . . w. ..... ... ' n , . iuc best previous record was about eight hours. Jt matters not what your ancestors were It is what you are that counts.
