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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1902)
GAZETTE CORVA SEMI-WEEKLY. COKVALIilS, BENTON CQXTOTY, OKEGON, TUESDAY, APRIL 1, 1902. VOL. II. "NO. 49. T"VTOV Kstab. JTulT. 1897. (Consolidated Feb., 1899. GAZETTE Eatab. !;. 1862. CHAPTER XXII. Night bas quite closed in, a" night ex ceptionally wild and violent, when once mure the sound of wheels upon the gravel without catches Vera's ear. Perhaps she had been listening for it is even in a measure prepared for it, but even if so, this does not prevent the sudden agitated change that overspreads her face as she hears it. Her pulses quicken unpleasantly and she half rises to her feet. An hour, two hours, pass, and she is in her room dressing for dinner, when a servant brings her a note. "I have to thank you for the kind in vitation which Griselda gave me. Busi ness matters have compelled me to come here again for the last time to-night; to trespass, for the last time, upon your hospitality. I beg you will not let my presence disturb you; my stay will be bo short that I dare to hope you will not mark the coming or going." A quick' wave of color dyes Vera's face; Eihe lays the letter with studied slowness upon the table near. "My complimt i ts to Mr. Dysart, and I hope he will diue with me to-night," she says, calmly, but with an unconscious touch of hauteur. How does he dare to treat her like this, to persist in believing or rather, to pretend to believe that his presence is so distasteful to her? What is he to her, one way or the other, that 'she should care whether he was la her house or out of it? At dinner, however, she will have an opportunity of widening his knowledge somewhat. It will be the simplest thing to let him see how utterly unimportant an item he is in the scheme of her exist ence. There is a brilliant light in her eyes as she turns to receive the woman who has now come back with an answer to her message to Dysart. There is a timidity in the woman's air that warns her. "Mr. Dysart 's compliments and thanks, ' madame, but he has already dined in town." "Fasten this bracelet," says Vera, hold ing out her arm. She is aware that the woman is watching her, curiously if ner vously, and she so movea that the sudden pallor Of her face, the sole thing that I i 1 . 1 f, . I. n . . . . hIiom' her liiniiriintion, shall not betray her. 'iliat, will do; you can go," she eays after awhile. She sweeps down stairs almost in the servant's footsteps, and into the green drawing room, a smaller apartment than the usual recep tion rooms, and now looking delicately cozy beneath the touches of lamps and firelight, and with the perfume of many flowers hanging around it. The wind, the thunder, the lightning, still rage, but the rain has ceased, and !n the murky heavens above, a pale, sick ly moon is striving feebly to break a way through the dense clouds. Suddenly the door is thrown open by an agitated hand, and the woman who had attended her upstairs comes hurriedly, without cere mony, into the room. "Oh, madame, I thought you would like to know that you should be told " she stops, frightened by the expression on Vera's face. "Well?" says Vera, going a step nearer to her. "There is a ship in great distress, ma dame somewhere out there," pointing vaguely in the direction of the ocean, "upon the rocks, they say! There is scarcely any hope" "But the life-boat?" cried Vera, sharp ly, forgetting everything now but the aw ful thought of death and death so near out there upon those cruel rocks with the boiliug, murderous waves leaping to receive their prey. "Yes, madame, but that accident yes terdayyou will remember it? they say it has disabled six of the men, and it is almost certain death to go at all, and the hands being short, there must be volun teers, and who will risk their lives " the towubred girl stops short with a quiver, and covers her face with her hands. "Volunteers'. Wiere is Mr. Dysart?" cries era. suaaeniy, witn proyucuc m stinct. "Speak, girl!" turning fiercely on her maid. "Gone down to the beach, madame, to see what can be done." "Gone!" says Vera, slowly, as if dazed, and then again, "gone!" A little convlu sire shiver runs through her it is the final breaking up of any lingering de ceits, any last illusions, that she may still have clung to. "Order the carriage," she says, after a minute or two, during which mistress and inn id have remained silent. This sudden waking-up has been so far a shock that It has killed all immediate nervousness. She feels chilled, calmed, strengthened. The moon has in a measure conquered the clouds, and now shines out with a pale, watery luster, that rather adds to than takes from the weird wildness of the night. The thunder still rattles over head, and vivid flashes light the black ness. Here and there, as the carriage passes by the outskirts of the wood, these intermittent bursts of light show where a tree has been felled, or the road ripped up. or a small bridge carried bodily away by the force of the swollen cur rent underneath. All through the deadly crashing of the storm a booming sound may be heard at long intervals. Half maddened by it, and by that other greater fear. Vera lies back in the carriage, pressing her fin gers vow to her ears, now to her throb bing brow, that feels as if it were burst ing. Arrived at the entrance to the village, a drive of about a mile from Greycourt. the stops the carriage, and opeuing the door springs to the ground. A sudden gust of wind passing by almost dashes her to the earth, but by a superhuman effort she defies it, and half blinded by the flashing lightning, and bewildered by the raging storm, she turns aside, and runs panting, struggling, down a side pathway that she knows leads to the beach below. CHAPTER XXIII. The wild scene that meets her sight strikes terror to her heart. The mad roaring of the waves that, monntains high, rush impetuously inland to dash themselves to pieces against the granite rocks; the cries of the women; the hoarse calls of the men; the flaming, restless torches that fling a weird light upon the picture; all serve to unnerve her. And now a shout from the beach! A dark object being dragged forward, a valiant cheer, perhaps meant to reach those miserable souls hovering on death's brink, and so give courage to their failing hearts; it is the life-boat, and now: A tall figure has suddenly become prominent; he seems to tower above all those around him. He is evidently ad dressing them with passionate words, and now he springs into the baat, and with renewed eloquence seems to compel those present to follow him. His voice, in its vehemence, rises even above the storm. Not that the stricken girl crouching with in the shelter of her rock needs that tes timony to know that it is he whom her soul loveth. , Vera staggers to her feet and stares blindly into the semi-darkness. A hearty cry goes up from those crowded together on the beach. The mists' have cleared away from the moon, and she can see as well as those eager watchers that the five black spots that were upon the rig; ging are no longer there. ' They have been successful, then, s far. They have taken those five half dead creatures into the blessed lifeboat. Surely, if the rescuers could go through such a sea in safety, they can return. A blessed relief comes to her, so sharp ly, so unpreparedly, that she almost gives way beneath it. The good ship, indeed, is gone! Where the black, indistinct mass stood a minute since, now all is bare there is but sea and sky, and the memory of it! But the lifeboat still lives. Every on"ward dash of the tempestuous waves drives the lifeboat the more sure ly into shelter, until at last it touches ground. A hundred eager hands are stretched out to prevent the returning wave from carrying it backward, some of the men, more adventurous than the rest, rush into the surging tide up to tlieir w.iafa n ,1 oni.n ttin Knot' a nA ("J rtl O. I fjlf. waists and seize the boat. and drag it for cibly into safety: Dysart, springing to land, helps out the rescued men, now exhausted by fear and exposure one of them, indeed, has faint ed but there are kindly arms open to receive them and kindly voices to bid them welcome and to praise the God of sea and land for their delivery from death this night. With a hurried wave of the hand he turns abruptly away from the cheering crowd and the dancing torchlights, and makes his way through the heavy dark ness toward the small pathway that will lead to the road above. Stumbling, un certain, and feeling altogether exhausted, he nevertheless finds it, and puts out his hand to grope for the rock that he knows stands at the right side of it, where the beach commences. "Good heavens, what is this? He starts violently, and then his fingers fast en with almost convulsive energy over the small cold hand that has been thrust into his. A sharp little cry breaks through the darkness, and then the cold hand is hurriedly withdrawn, and two arms are thrown round him, and cling to him with passionate vehemence. "It is you you! And you are safe! Oh, Seaton! Oh, thank heaven, thank heaven!" ? Whose voice is it? Not Vera's? Vera! and yet the clinging arms are warm, liv ing, and genuine; the sobbing voice is real; a small disheveled head is very close to him very! What has happened? Has he gone mad? He is ghastly pale, white as the death from which he has but just now so nar rowly escaped, and across his right tem ple there is a slight streak of blood, still wet. This adds to his pallor. Vera, see ing it, shudders violently, and involun tarily, almost unconsciously, lifts her hand, and presses her handkerchief to the wound. "Speak!" says he, and now the word is a command. It rings sharply. There is a very anguish of doubt in his tone and his eyes, burning into hers, are so full of desperate question, that they ut terly unnerve her. The strain of the past terrible hours has been too severe, and now she sinks beneath it. She bursts into tears. "Oh, yes, yes, yes!" she cries, giving him thus vaguely the answer he requires. In a moment his arms are round her, crushing her against his heart. To him those incoherent words are full of sweet est meaning. Yes. she loves him. Who shall tell the joy this knowledge brings him joy that is almost pain? "Darling, darling!" whispers he, softly. And then after a little while, '"I am too happv. I do not know what to say. cannot speak." And then again, "May I kiss you?" lie does not wait for permission, but nresses his lios to hers dear lips, that kiss him back again, with honest, heart felt gladness. (The end.) The British marquis working before the mast has turned up in St. Helena on a sailing vessel plying between En gland aud Australia, according to the St. nelena Guardian. It is the Marquis of Graham, eldest eon and heir of the Duke of Montrose, 21 years of age. He wants to find out all about the mer chant marine and to earn a master's certificate. Japanese Clocks. Japan Imports American springs and manufactures clocks so cheaply that only the very lowest grades can be im ported. Live only for to-day and you ruin to morrow. Simmons. New Paper Tricks. Nothing is more interesting than the way in which our preconceived notions about the physical world are overturn ed by experiment It used to be as sumed that a heavy body would fall faster than a light one, until some wise soul tried It and discovered that all bodies fall at the same rate. And I fancy that if questioned some people would say that a piece of paper would not float for any length of time on wa ter, and certainly would not bear any weight. But experiment proves the contrary. Indeed, the number of things that can be done with floating paper will not only surprise old people, but will furnish amusement for children. A sheet of ordinary writing paper, if properly adjusted, will float for an ap parently Indefinite period. Four half sheets which floated by way or a lesi WHAT A SHEET OF PAPER SVIIX CARET. were as dry on the upper surface after having been on the water for ten days as when I first placed them on the liquid. But what surprised me most of all was to learn the weight these floating papers can carry- One day while I was experimenting with them I rather care lessly placed a large wooden spool on one of the' half sheets, expecting, of course, to see the paper go to the bot tom immediately. This did not nap- pen, however, and my aroused curiosity prompted me to add greater weight Recklessly I laid a table knife and fork on top of the spool; to my astonish ment the paper still remained floating and even when I placed on more freieht in the shape of four 1-cent pieces, it obstinately refused to sink. ; Desirous of learning the exact carry ing capacity of a whole sheet of floating writing paper, I first placed a stiff piece of cardboard in its center and then pro ceeded to load it with the numerous articles shown in the . illustration ThaT"ahect"6f paper should "float for ten days was surprising enough, but that it should float under such a weight was nothing short of marvelous. Con tinuing my experiments along this line, I placed a piece of wrapping paper thir ty by forty Inches on the surface of the water. On this paper I first laid two slender sticks lengthwise; on these sticks I placed a large tin bowl, and on top of this bowl I seated my pet cat which weighs just five and one-half pounds. The result was that here pic tured. More in a spirit of mischief than any thing else, I started a bonfire on one of the floating sheets, and although the flames burned fiercely they did not even scorch the paper. Returning to the weight test again, a delicate tower of writing paper eight feet in height was made and set upon four sheets of writing paper. It floated beautifully. and I ascertained that the actual weight of this tower could have been easily supported by a single sheet but four were necessary to keep it bal anced. Later on I spun a humming top on a half sheet of floating note paper, with the almost certain knowledge that its peg would puncture the paper as soon as it came in contact with it; but my almost certain knowledge was rudely shaken, for the top continued to go round and round until it stopped of Its own accord and without accident. Where Pearls Are Pound. Old geographies make the Persian Gulf the seat of the pearl industry, but now many beautiful pearls are found in different parts of America. In the Mississippi River and its tributaries in Minnesota and? Wisconsin quite a num ber of people are engaged in fishing for the mussels In which the pearls are found. It is said that one pearl found In every ten mussels fished from the water. The fisherman does not worry about this. He keeps the shells and takes them to the button-factory where there is always a demand, for, as you know, boys and girls use up a good many buttons in the course of year and no one ever knows what be comes f them. A floating button fac- tory built on a boat travels up and aown tne Mississippi, it stops ui place long enough to use up all the shells and then goes on where there Is another mussel bed or where the fish ermen accumulate a heap. Some of the pearls are very valuable and have been sold for as large a price as $50, 000. Wllhelmina's Dolls. When Wilhelmina was little she was not allowed to share dinner with the older members of the royal household. Occasionally she came in at dessert A SHEET OF PAPEB BEARING A CAT. One day she sat by a courtly old gen eral; and, after eating some fruit, the little girl turned and gazed up at him. Presently she. exclaimed: 1 wonder youre.not afraid to alt next to me." Everybody W vine room turnea i the sound of her childish treble. "On the contrary, I am but too pleased and honored to sit next to my future queeen. . repuea tpe general. But why should I be afraid Assuming a woe-begone expression. the little girl replied: "Because all my dolls have the measles they re all of them down with it" ,- " The f !Sad Boys. . The "bad" boys are often the best boys In the .neignDornooa. Ail iney want is a chance to do something. Don't . expect healthy, active boys to want to be trad up in books and so- called improving occupations continu ally. If boys are not given good Ideas to work upon, such as they always get in kindergartensTmanual training and other up-to-date schools, they are sure to be in harmful mischief, because boys with vim and "get there" in them are bound to be busy. Give them tools and materials fo work with; encourage them to make 'Sleds, carts, boats and various kinds pt playthings. Don't ever give a "lad" boy up; give him something to do. "Three Cents' Worth, Please." Little Flossie had been sent to the drug store to ' get some dyestuff and forgetting the name of it she asked "What is it folks dye with?" Oh. various' things," replied the druggist, stance." "Heart failure, for In- 'WelL" said Flossie, "I suppose that Give me 3 cents' worth. wiU do.. please." f , . An Undressed Umbrella. Little Sarah was playing with a vis iter's cane a plain stick bent at one end. "Sarah, what are you doing with Mr, Long's cane?"; asked her father. 'This Isn't a cane, papa," replied Rt ah. "It's an umbrella with its dress off." Wanted to Be a Widow. 'Are you going to marry when you grow up?" asked a visitor of 5-year-old Bessie, "No," was the reply, "I'm going to be a widow, because they always have such pretty black clothes and look so happy." - What Barber Shops Are For. Little Elslef-Papa, where have you been?; '.'-' .' i - ' Papa To Its barber shop, my dear, Little Elsie -Oh,' I know! ?ou Vent face, didn't you, papa? Lilted the Moses Story. Little Margie was very fond of listen ing to Bible stories and one day she said: "Mamma, please read that story again about Mr, Moses and the bulls rushing after him." MACHINE ALMOST TALKS. Automatic Screw Tool that Does Won derful Work. The most highly developed of ma chine tools is the automatic screw ma chine, and, like many another contri vance for saving labor, its home is New England. It is a development of the ordinary steel-working lathe, the intermediate step being the monitor lathe. In which the various cutting tools protrude from the side of a steel turret like thirteen-inch guns from a battleship turret In the nonautomatic screw machine the turret is revolved by the operator, so as to bring each tool into play. Just as the turret on the Monitor was revolved to bring one gun after another into action. But in the automatic machines the work is done without human guidance. In making screws, nuts, bolts, studs and -other small pieces that must be turned, drilled or threaded for watches. clocks, typewriters, electrical instru ments and other mechanisms, all the operator has to do is to feed the "stock" a long, thin rod of steel or brass to the machine. The feeding mechanism carries the rod slowly for ward into the field of action. The turret advances and puts its first tool at work on the end of the rod. When this tool has done its task the turret withdraws "t, turns and advances a second tool into action. Each cutting tool around the turret has its distinct work to perform one cutting a thread, another shaping a head, another put ting on a point, another drilling a hole, still another putting on knurling. The turret automatically brings each of, perhaps, six tools into action, and. when the work is finished, the com pleted screw drops into a pan. while the "stock" is automatically fed. for- ward to begin tne complex operation . A. ' again. A stream of macnine on pours continuously on the work to carry away the heat, and the little metal cut tings collect in a heap under the ma chine. Hour after hour this wonderful auto maton goes through Its cycle of opera tions, the turret clicking every mo- ment as it brings a new tool forward. Small brass pieces, on which only one tool cuts, are dropped at the rate of four a second. Large screws of com- plicated design, upon which a whole turretf ul of tools must work, are cut from a steel rod at tne rate or one or two a minute. So perfectly are these screw machines constructed, says a writer in iguccess, that an unskilled workman can operate a row of them. All he is required to do is to keep them fed with "stock. In some shops girls tend the machines. Not a Bite. "What! fishing on a Sunday T And the parson's face was firm. The urchin said: "G'wan. you jayl I'm drownin of this worm." Bid inn Attachment for Plows. The illustrated device is a riding at tachment for a plow, which a corre spondent of the Iowa Homestead says he devised a number of years ago. Fig. 1 shows the attachment attached to a walking plow and shows how it is attached. Fig. 2 shows the attach ment detached from the plow, and if it is to be used for a harrow or other implement where there is no furrow a larger wheel Is substituted for the small wheel, which would make It run in a leaning position. This wheel is at tached by a set screw and can be re- ATTACHMENT FOB PLOWS. moved easily, and the shaft is long enough so the large wheel may be put on the extreme end and thus make it less liable to tip over. The Corn Breeder. , Corn-breeding bas become a special ized industry. The field for this branch of farming is very great, as is shown by the fact that the corn growers of Illinois alone use over 1,000,000 bush els of seed every year. Of course It Is not necessary that this seed be secured from the breeder fresh every year, but seed will not as a rule remain pure more than four or five years. It then becomes necessary to again secure well-bred seed. As yet the demand has been but little developed. Farmers are Just beginning to realize the Import ance and benefit of Improved seed, but even now corn breeders are not able to supply the demand. That this demand will increase far beyond the capacity of corn breeders to supply there is no doubt. A. D. Shamel, in Orange Judd The Asparagus Bed. We believe in mowing the asparagus bed in the fall and burning it over to destroy the beetles, eggs and rust that may be there. Others who have grown much more of it than we have prefer to have the old stalks remain until spring, as helping to hold the snow on the bed. But in either case we would cut out and carry away all the seed- bearing plants before the seed begun to fall. The little seedlings in the old bed are no better than as many weeds. If seedlings are wanted to set a new bed, cut the stalks when the seed is early ripe, and hang them up to ripen. and sow the seed in a new bed from which it may be transplanted at a year old. We like good yearling plants bet ter than two-year-olds. New England Farmer. Early Puritan Potato. As a rule the early potato crop is the profitable one, although the past sea son good money was made from late potatoes, and especially If the best ta ble varieties were grown. The Early Puritan, one of the new varieties, has been tested in different potato sections sufficiently to prove its merit The akin is nearly white, most early sorts f value having a pink skin. In flavor THE EARLY PURITAN. the variety Is first-class and the tuber cooks well, being dry and mealy, anoth er point bard to find among early sorts. It is a good keeper also. Teaching Lambs to Feed. When a lamb is two weeks old it is ready for feeding something In addi tion to the ewe's milk. It is true that hv feeding the ewe her milk will be , mcrea8ed, but the first thing to do is to ; foed tte -g. for tne 0f the lambs, which may be fed Indirectly In this way from the first day of their lives. The lambs are easily taught to feed by themselves If they are.provid ed with suitable feeding pens Into which they may go through narrow oseninzs too small for the ewes. This ; jB the simplest matter possible. To ' catch a lamb and take It Into the pen and put a little of the feed provided j mt its mouth is all that is needed; the : iambs will do the rest; for where one ! eoes all will want to go instanter. , Farmers' Voice. 8etting Strawberry Plants. Any one who believes in fall setting of strawberry plants bas opportunity this year.. The weather since fruiting has been such that the runners have made a good growth, and there has been moisture enough for newly set plants. We think we seldom saw plants set in the spring, and well cared for during the summer, produce as many or as handsome berries as we have, ecu on those set the same year in Au- gust Excepting some of the new varie ties, one can get as many plants as he wants, well known and standard kinds. for a trifling sum If not for nothing. at this season of the year in almost any neighborhood. American Cultivator. A voiding Peach Yellows. It may not be generally known that peach yellows Is found to every State In the Union, with six exceptions, or course, it is worse In some states tnan in others, but It exists in all States where the peach is grown, except in California. Mississippi. Texas, and. parts of Alabama. Florida and Georgia, and there Is no cure for It In orchards. located In Georgia and In New Jersey, there is apparently no difference In the severity of the disease when at its worst and, the trouble apparently at tacks trees budded on stocks grown from pits obtained from different sec tions of the country. It Is safe to say that with the possible exception of Cal- Ifornia pits. It is as safe to select the I pits lor Duaaiug stocks iruui me uurai fruit on the most healthy trees in one's own orchard as from any other source. Working for Fertile Etga. Poultrymen should keep before their mind's ye at all times the fact that the percentage of eggs hatched on the farm in May and June Is much greater than from those hatched anywhere, under the usual conditions, in March and ApriL It Is simply because the hen on the range bas access to all that is necessary to produce a fertile egg. This being the case the cue should be taken and every effort made to supply the same conditions during the late winter, as are found In the early sum mer. Food In variety, with consid erable green food and animal food, is of the. first Importance; next comes a comfortable house and plenty of room In which to exercise. Winter Treatment of San Jose Scale. Winter spraying to destroy the San Jose scale is most effective. Summer spraying is usually necessary in addi tion, but the insecticide cannot be made as strong as in the winter season when there are no buds to Injure. There are several - remedies for the scale, but crude petroleum is the best for use la winter, and it may be used only slightly diluted. The work must be thoroughly done, every branch being touched with the petroleum, and several applications made if necessary. If done thoroughly In winter it Is probable that only one or two light sprayings would be necessary In the summer. Safety Milk Pall. Many a pall of milk has been lost by a kick from the cow just as the task of milking ber was about finished and many a stray bit of dirt falls into the open pail if the farmer Is not ex tremely careful In his labors. John Heustis King, of Garrity, Ala., be lieves that the pall he has just de- safett pail. signed will save the milk in case of an upset, pail and also prevent the gathering of impuri ties. , In the picture the details of construc tion of this improved pall are shown. The top of the pall has a screw-threaded flange, to which a receiving bowl is secured bv a similar flange. In the center of this bowl is a strainer, and below the strainer is an open frame in which Is placed a loose cone corre sponding in shape to the under side of the strainer. As soon as the pall Is tipped over the flow of the milk toward the strainer seals the cone and effectu allv closes the outlet until the pail Is righted again. Millions of Eggs. New York City, according to the sta tistical expert of the New York Her ald, consumes 2,283 eggs every minute of the day. which means 100.000,000 dozen a year. The city may feel Inde pendent of the hen so far as the hatch ing process is concerned, but is entirely dependent for its supply of eggs on the moody creature who regulates her output according as the weather hap pens to suit her whims. These hens get food and lodging for their part of the work, and their owners receive $20,000, 000 a year for the 342 eggs that they supply annually to each Inhabitant of the city. Bavarian Hops. Although hODS hve been grown In this country for a great many years, they have always been inferior as com pared with the best European hops. and, as they bring a lower price In the market and are not so desirable as the Bavarian hops, cuttings of the best of the latter were Imported last year. These cuttings have been placed In the hop-growing districts of the United States and, according to the report of the Secretary fo Agriculture, promise to be far superior to the ordinary va rieties grown, in addition to maturing earlier and extending the picking sea son. Shn in flood Condition. A sheep should never be allowed to fall off In condition. Its constitution is weakened permanently. The clip of wool Is seriously injured. No. ani mal is so difficult to restore to good condition as the sheep, and there is none where a loss of flesh tells so quickly upon Its outward covering. J. F. Hancock. Tuberculin in Herefords. Dr. Geddes, representative of the United States Department of Agricul ture, resident in England, tested dur ing the past year 249 Herefords with tuberculin prior to. export. Of this large number only seven reacted, and it Is stated that of these seven he con- sidered three -only "suspicious cases.." NOW THEY MERELY SPEAK. For She Knew All the Time Who It Was. . Half a dozen persons in a big down town office building enjoyed them selves hugely the other day at the ex- Dense of a young lady with whom all 0f them are well acquainted, and who j3 located In a room adjoining the one wniCh is the scene of their daily la- Dora The leader of the six Jokers went to the telephone instrument and called the 'phone in the next room. As was anticipated, the young lady answered. "This is central office," announced the Joker. "We are testing the wires. Will you kindly assist us?" Of course all this was said In an altered tone of voice. "Certainly," was the sweet response. "What shall I do?" "Kindly place your mouth about two Inches to the right of the Instrument . t. 1nk ..flnd .hello three times at short intervals." The obliging creature at the other end promptly complied with the re quest The Joker waved his disen gaged hand at his five associates and bent double in the effort to repress laughter. "Now place your mouth one inch to the left and repeat 'hello' four times.'' the Joker instructed. The response proved excruciatingly funny to the man at the 'phone, and, although they could not hear what the young lady said, his five companions were not devoid "of imagination. By this time they were holding their sides. It required such a long time for the Joker to regain control of his voice that the victim had twice inquired, "Is that all?" before he could say "with your mouth just above the in strument pronounce the same word again." This was done. The Joker could keep In no longer. Though beginning to laugh, he man aged to splutter: "Now stand on your head and say hello' " With a shout he slapped the ear piece on the hook and literally reu Into a chair. The other five screamed. Still giggling, the six merry men, a little later, proceeded to visit the Im-posed-upon damsel. As they reached the doorway of her room she turned up her nose disdainfully and remarked, in chilling manner: "Humph; 1 knew it was you an tne time." They speak now as they pass by, but that's about all. Washington Star. Small spaces can be made to pay; It Is not necessary to take a half -page to tell a good story. It is more import ant to put interesting matter -in your ads than It 'a to make them big and boisterous. Press and Printer. There never was a bigger mistake made by any merchant than for him to think that he had reached a point where he could do without advertis ing. He may not realize It, but when he stops the more enterprising mer chant is gradually taking his business away from him. Jacksonville (Fla.) Metropolis. Newspaper advertising Is not only more direct, but it offers more chances of success than magaziue advertising. The newspaper reaches so many dif ferent classes of people that there is always a wide margin for miscalcula tion in copy. The big dailies furnish many different sets of Ideas,- They reach the sporting man, the society folks, the merchant, the banker, the laborer, the woman in the home, all by matter that is specially prepared to suit their tastes. The magazine, on the other hand, furnishes but a single set of ideas. It treats all matters from one point of view the woman's, the literary reader's, the educational, the critical. Each magazine aims to ap peal to one definite class; therefore nice discrimination is needed in select ing magazines to carry certain forms of advertising. There is a very nar row margin for errors. When the me dium is fitted to the advertising. It Is sure to reach larger numbers of peo ple, however, and the leisure and in telligence of readers are large factors in returns. Printers' Ink. Irish Tobacco on Sale. Tobacco has been grown in no fewer than twenty-five centers in Ireland, and the leaves have been cut and dried, and are now offered for sale. Its ex cellence for smoking Is vouched for, and there seems no adequate reason why the weed should not boom contem poraneously with the new Irish litera- TOre; wuue possioiy iiere aim mere me growing may bring wealth to the cult! vators, and eventually who knows become the envy of American trusts. Still Useful. Loanedit Borrowit. didn't you get my lawn mower last summer? Borrowit Yes, I'm the man. Loanedit Are you thinking of bring ing it home this winter? .Borrowit Hadn't thought of it I'm going to lower the knives in that ma chine and use It to shave the Ice off my sidewalk. Indianapolis News. When a girl hangs around a store to Bee a young man her parents should pull on the lines and yell whoa. Many a disastrous marriage has begun In this ' way. Pill' n OKI