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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 17, 1902)
r M ALASKAN GOLQ, A minion years in the smelting pots Of the great earth's furnace core. -It bubbled and boiled as the old gods toiled . Before it was time to pour. A million years in the giant molds Of granite and mica-schist It cooled and lay in the self-same way That into their hearts it hissed. A million years, and the clouds of steam Were rivers and lakes and seas; And the mastodon to his grave had gone In the coal that once was trees. When the Master Molder raised his hand. He shattered the gray rock mold And sprinkled its core from shore to shore, And the dost that fell wss gold. Youth's Companion. rjHE soft lights of the quiet, res ll taurant brought rest to Boyn- " ton's tired nerves; he picked up the menu with a sigh of content. "This Isn't half bad," he mused, run ning his eyes down the card, "though It savors uncommonly of poolroom bulletins; 'combination one; combina tion two' well," with a smile at the conceit, "reckon I'll play combination seven 'iamb chop, griddle cake, ly- onnais potatoes' a hungry fellow can't lose much on that for sure. Hello!" bis glance falling suddenly on a large Japanese screen, partially hiding one corner of the room, "there's an or chestra, too; hope they are on a par with the rest of the appointments. By Jove! they're girls." - In the mirror by the end of the screen a face had arisen, a laughing girlish face, and its owner, tucking a fat brown violin under her arm, and blissfully unconscious of Boynton's eager scrutiny, proceeded with much graceful posing and sundry deft and skillful Jabs of a long, blackheaded pin to adjust a huge picture hat upon her small and shapely head. Evidently she of the merry counte nance was trying it on, for she turned presently as if inviting an opinion from some unseen companion and at that moment she caught the reflection of Boyton's admiring eyes staring at her in the mirror. The smile vanished, giving place to surprise, annoyance and swiftly grow ing resentment; but the look of utter chagrin that flashed over Boynton's face as he realized that he had been guilty of a rudeness was clearly too much for the young lady's sense of humor, for after a brief struggle, the stern lines at the corner of her lips melted into the suspicion of a smile; with a quick glance half fun, half defiance she suddenly thrust out her tongue, and with a saucy courtesy at the reflection of the discomfited Boyn ton she disappeared. "Well if she Isn't a peach," thought Mark, gazing ruefully at the empty mirror, while a curious thrill tingled 'along bis nerves. "What stunning hair she has. I wish I knew who she was; somehow she seems different from any girl I ever " He dropped his knife and fork in astonishment, doubting his ears. From behlud the screen came the rollickiug notes of a familiar rag-time 'air, "Why don't you get a lady of your own?" remarked the violin, sarcastic ally. Mark gi-iuned In spite of him self. "I'll get even for that, young lady," he remarked, "or my name Isn't Mark Boyuton I am goiug to find out who you are." Duriug the remainder of his lunch Mark racked his brain to little pur pose, but as he stepped up to pay his check an Inspiration came to him "Eureka! he ejaculated. "Beg pardon sir," said the cashier, politely. "Why. certainly," she said presently. In answer to Boynton's in quiry, "the violin player's name is Miss Sturm of course you can engage her; she will be much pleased; a whist party at your sister's you say please write her address. I assure you Miss Sturm will be on hand." Mark departed, chuckling. "Wonder what she'll say to-morrow night," he thought. "I'll ask her to play 'Why don't you got a lady," as I'm a sin ner." "Awfully obliged for the orchestra, Mark," said Miss Boyuton to her broth er the following evening. "I never dreamed of having anything so swell as that for my whist; don't you think it a nice Idea putting them behlud the rubber plants?" "Great. Sis." replied Mark, "believe I'll go and ask them to play something for me. "Here's where I take a trick." he muttered, threading his way care fully between the little tables "Will you kindly play, 'Why don't' I though Miss Sturm was to be here?" wound up Mark, leaning against the piano in surprise. "But I vhas Miss Sturm," replied the stolid looking, round-face violinist, gazing at duuifounded Mark In mild wonder. "But I thought that is where is the young lady who plays at the. restaur ant?" stammered Mark. "I vhas her." said the German girl. Impassively, "the cashier, she half glf me the Herr Boynton's card, and I haf come to" but Mark, with an incoher ent apology, retreated. "Trumped," he thought miserably. "What in the world can it mean? That Dutch girl is as utterly unlike her as darkness from light." It came over Mark all at once, in a great wave of disappointment, how much be bad been looking forward to seeing the merry face that had haunted him all day. "I will find out who she is." he told himself, with vehement determi nation, "if I have to search all over Bost Great Scott! am 1 awake?" At a table In the far corner, unoccu pied, save for her dainty self, her hands toying idly with the score card, was sitting the girl of the mirror. It seemed an hour to Mark before he reached his sister's side. "Maud." he said eagerly, "who Is that girl over j there? I I'd like to meet her?" I Miss Boynton swept the room with a deliberate glance. "That girl with If possible use only filtered rain water in making a solution and yon will be surprised at the much better results you will obtain. Try rubbing around the edge of the plate, say one-sixteenth of an inch deep, with a pice of wax candle to pre vent frilling. Those who find difficulty in using a brush for spotting pinholes in negatives or prints, should try an ordinary wood en toothpick sharpened to a needle point. To dry plates in a hurry after fixing and washing, lay the plate in alcohol and let It remain two minutes. Rest plate on one corner when taking It out. It will dry in a few moments. Be sure, however, that it is thoroughly washed before putting in the alcohol. An English amateur, who stands among the recognized leaders, has this to say on hand camera pictures that Is Interesting: " 'Under-exposed and over developed;' this is the true verdict which should be pronounced on perhaps three out of every four hand camera negatives. The error of over-development is to a large extent due to the widespread but very misleading notion, viz., that prolonged development will bring out the details. To put this fine, crusted, old delnsion in other words, it Is equivalent to saying that prolonged development compensates for, or is equivalent to, exposure. The hungry school boy is sometimes told that the thickness of the bread compensates for the thinness of the butter, a maxim which sounds all right, but is not easy to swallow." All amateurs ought te do their own developing. It Is really the most inter esting feature of picture taking. Any one with intelligence enough to go in when it rains can snap a shutter and then take the plates or film to a pro fessional to develop. That is not learn ing anything, and moreover it is expen sive. Do your own work. Get intimate the auburn hair?" she said presently, "that's Edith Sinclair; haven't you met her yet? She's a Conservatory pupil." "My brother, Mark." said Miss Boyn ton, "Miss Sinclair." A tide of red surged over Miss Sin clair's perfect face as her eye met Mark's. "You!" she exclaimed, with a horrified little grasp, "the man who" "Exactly, responded MarK, "tne man who thought he had hired you to play here -to-night and hadn't evidently." Miss Sinclair laughed. "You took me for Barbara Sturm, didn't you?" she said. "I guessed as much when she told me a gentleman had engaged nor that evening. Miss Sturm had an engagement and couldn't find a sub stitute, so for a lark I got leave from the 'Con' and took her place but aren t you going to play whist?" drop ping her eyes from Mark's intent gaze. 'I don't know." said Mark, in mock despair, "I haven't any partner I nev er had a 'Lady of my own.' you know," audaciously. The red flashed back into Miss Sin clair's cheek, but she looked straight into Mark's earnest eyes. "Wouldn't I do," she answered, saucily, "for a partner?" Indianapolis Sun. FRENCH FADS. One Seems Altogether Without Rea son) Another Is Reverse. The women of Paris nre Just now en gaged in rivalry in regard to who shall own the prettiest fox cub. "Every so ciety woman has one, with the result that the little creatures are valued at from $20 to $25. Wheu they become too large to haudle they are sent to the country and are there set free on the great estates of the rich. Fox cubs are very clever and very playful, but they never are quite tame, and hence are only temporarily safe house compan ions. When Invited to spend the night; at the home of a friend. It Is now imper ative to add to the nightrobe and the toilet auxiliaries a set of clean sheets. Really fastidious people do so. When the Czar and Czarina were Invited to be the guests of Paris, their couches were fitted by France with linen from the stock of royal napery accumulated during the emperorship of Napoleon III. The Imperial guests calmly and quietly directed their attendants to re move the French linen and substitute for It the pieces wrought with the arms of the Romanoffs. This, it was explained to their perplexed entertain ers, was the Czar and Czarina's invaria ble custom, and it seemed to them to be as Imperative a piece of refinement as the owning of individual toothbrushes. Now all the smart set pretends to have been ever scrupulous in regards to Indi vidual bed linen, and drapers are hap py because it Increases the quantity and enhances the quality of their sales, since their patrons consider that only exquisitely fine, monogrammed or crested sheets, Ingeniously hand stitched, are good enough for use when going a-vlsltlng. CASIMIR'S CHEF D'OEUVRE. The Great Inventor of "Potagfe Get miny" j.s to Ketire. Some tears are reported to have been shed by the gourmets of the Paris boulevards on account of the In tended retirement of a modern Vatel. ho for nearly half a century has pre sided over the cullinary department of the Maison Doree. This famous cook, familiarly known as Casimir, has been so devoted to his business that he has never seen Eiffel's tower. Casl niir laments the decadence of dining in mairar Z with "the way to do It all yourself. A better acquaintance will come with the camera, and there will be a deeper Interest In Its capabilities where one does the developing and attends to the details. Often it is said: "Oh. I haven't patience!" That's nonsense. Practice patience. Yon have no idea of what can be done, with very limited conveni ences, and well done, too, if you are really Interested and try. The bottom shelf In a pantry, or one put in the end of a chest, a pail of water, a couple of pans, small red light, developer and hypo, and there you are. There Is a wide field from which the amateur anxious to do something can choose. Portraiture, perhaps, Is at the top of the list; but undoubtedly most difficult of all. Genre, hardly less exact Ing and more generally interesting as active human nature always is; land scape with figures and figures with landscape, each different from the oth er, and both requiring much careful study and thought, especially as to the suitability and placing of the figures. Street scenes as pictures of everyday life; marine subjects, with the ocean or the lake In all their moods, and the happy combinations of the always in teresting fisher folks, and the, to some at least, equally Interesting yachts and yacht racing. Architecture also offers great opportunities, although In this country not so great as In "some others; and last, although perhaps not least, flowers and flora generally, although generally classed as the lowest phase of art, have brought fame to some and may do so again to those who really love and know how to arrange and pho tograph them. Whatever phase may be selected It should be stuck to, and stud led in all Its bearings. Especially should the artist make himself acquainted with all that he possibly can of what has been done before In that line; exam Ining and analyzing the work that pleases in our picture galleries and in the higher class magazines, not with a view to copy it but to become so sat urated with it as to form a style of his own by which his work shall be recog nized as unmistakably bis. Paris of recent years. Formerly, as ancient Casimir points out. the crea tlon of a new soup or sauce or dish was an event of equal importance with the production of a new play. The grandest day in Casimir's life, says the New York Commercial Ad vertiser, was that on which he Invent ed or discovered potage germiny. a soup made with the yolk of two eggs, cream and sorrel. The potage was prepared for a dinner given by the Marquis de St. George, author of the Mousquetalres de la Relne. Casimir was as nervous over the reception of bis soup as a dramatic author or a composer on a first night He bad his reward when the marquis sent for him, and before the assembled guests pressed him to his bosom and ex claimed: "Casimir, it Is not a soup; It is a great work, a masterpiece." A Cripple Creek Incident. He was just in from the East and the pattern of his trousers were such that even the dogs regarded him with suspicion. He was walking ahead of a fair girl, his Cripple Creek cousin, and as they climbed the hill he caught his breath and held it with an effort The beautiful girl behind him was the first to speak. She had been debating whether to call him down for walking in front of her or heave a bowlder against his shoulder blade. Finally she took another course and got him. "This light air don't agree with you,1 she observed, sweetly." "Perfectly," he gasped, using all the atmosphere he bad on bis person. "Is that so?" she gurgled, sarcasti cally. "Why, your pants are so loud I can hear them clear down here." The man started slightly, intending to freeze her with a glance, until it oc curred to him that such a course might require air, and, so thinking, hedragged his leaden limbs skyward. Denver Times. Getting Even with Joe Jefferson. On one occasion, just previous to opening In one of the large Eastern cit ies, Joseph Jefferson discharged his property man, Bagley, for humiliating him before a number of friends by fa miliarly addressing him as "Joey." Bagley got drunk right away and that night paid his way to the gallery to see Mr. Jefferson present "Rip Van Win kle." The angry frau had just driven poor, destitute Rip from the cottage when Rip turned and. with a world of pathos, asked: "Den haf I no Interest in dis house?" The house was deathly still, the audience half In tears, when Bagley's cracked voice responded: "Only 80 per cent Joey only 80 per cent" A Judge. Mrs. Noobrlde Mr. Whiteoak had some of my pie at the church fair last nijrht and he said it was very good. Mr. Noobride Well, now, that opin ion, coming from him, is worth some thing; expert testimony, in fact He's in the leather business, you know." Philadelphia Press. Not Enough Good Ones. "Why do some people think It's wicked to go to the theater?" "Well, I suppose It's because people who make a practice of going so often go to the bad." Philadelphia Bulletin. Dried Peat for Fuel. The Visland-Bolmen Railway, in Sweden, has made a satisfactory test of dried peat as fuel for locomotives without changing the fire bed. The wife who talks tbe least has the best control over her husband. DANGEBODS TOLAUGH ROYAL ATTENDANTS MUST COM. . M AND THEIR FEATURES. Officer of the Czar Lost 912,000 Tear and High Position ok Account of Inopportune Mirtlt Kaiser Also la Touchy in This Regard. It was awkward for the Czar's confi dential adviser. Baron EnidofT, a few weeks ago, that he bad not a quicker control over his features, for a laugh at the wrong moment lost him his high position and 12,000 a year. While the royal suite was at Com- piegne, soon after the arrival, the Czar was tired, and a little irritable, by the effects of the long-journey. While go ing through the big library, which was part of the great apartments prepared for him, he slipped on a wolfskin mat that lay on the highly polished floor, made a wild attempt to save himself. and clutched at one of his attendants.- He nearly brought himself and his standby to the ground, but he just man aged to avoid a falL The spectacle was rather ludicrous, . especially In such a stately personage; and when the rather Irritated monarch turned round he found his favorite Enldoff Indulging In a grin of amusement which he could not suppress. The Czar, who detests levity on state occasions, spoke very sharply to the culprit who, next day, was dismissed his post and relegated to an assistant secretaryship, with plenty of hard work to do, and wherein he never sees the Czar at all. Although wealthy and of the oldest nobility, the baron dared not refuse the minor service. His for mer stipend was 12,000 a year. But the Kaiser, on the whole, is the most dangerous person to laugh at or before, and more than one person has "done for" himself in this way. So did the unfortunate Gough Milbanke find It the clever but bluff Scottish colonial administrator. It was he who used to command the Sultan Abou Din's troops and manage the Arabian fianances. The Kaiser took him up, four years ago, as a guest with a view to mak ing use of him in the new "expansion" policy of the German Empire, and had decided to give him a fine position in the East, to guard German Interests In China, at a princely remuneration, of course. The Kaisersees to these things himself, and anybody who becomes one of his right-hand men Is pretty well set up for life. At one of the audiences given him at Potsdam, Milbanke was giving the Emperor the benefit of his experience and receiving his orders, when the Kai ser made a rather absurd suggestion as to eastern diplomacy, proposing to win the confidence of the Japanese and Kurile Islanders with presents. Milbanke, bursting into a guffaw. asked the Kaiser if he thought tbe Japanese were Congo niggers, who could be bought over with a few glass beads and a flint lock gun? The Kaiser froze at once, wished Milbanke good night and never reopened relations with him. The moral Is, when you are chatting with a king don't forget he is a king, and dig him in theribs. A still more amusing case of this kind was the mis take of another Scottish administrator, Duncan McVea, who was, next to Mc- Leavy Brown, of Corea, the most fa mous of "wandering" governors. Scot land, by the way, supplies 80 per cent of the world's pioneer administrators, as well as its engineers. McVea was dealing with that pleas ant but touchy monarch, the King of Portugal, who had proposed to put the rather shaky government of the Cape Verde Islands into his hands, to set things going and pull the finances to gether. This would have been a big step, and meant some 25,000 a year to the famous adventurer; but he had too much of what Scotchmen are supposed to lack sense of humor. At any rate, it was the ruin of the finest prospect he ever had. The king became a little excited and irritated at the various common-sense objections that McVea, knowing what he was talking about, opposed to some of the monarch's plans, and though the king speaks admirable English as a rule, when excited it becomes a very odd mixture indeed. This, finally, so worked on McVea's feelings that he Bmiled audibly, with the result that he was promptly ordered away, and the Cape Verdes still lack a Scottish gov ernor to look after their affairs. Lon don Answers. GEN. GRANT AND HIS FATHER. Elder Gentleman, Visiting His Bon, Was Entertained by Gen. Dickie. On the authority of the late Judge Dickie, for some time chief justice of Illinois, and during the Civil War chief of cavalry under General Grant while Grant bad his headquarters at Mem phis, the Chicago Times-Herald tells a remarkable story. It shows how Gen eral Grant once fulfilled his sense of honor in a matter in which he believed his own father was improperly concern ed, without hurting his father's feel ings. While at Memphis Grant had re ceived word that his father was coming to visit him. His staff might have perceived that the pros pect of this visit did not please him, but It passed without comment One night very soon before the date set for his father's visit General Grant summoned General Dickie to him, and said: 'I have sent for you as a personal friend. My father is coming to visit me, and what I have got to tell you about that visit Is not pleasing to me; but something must be done. Some of the money sharks and cotton specula tors have gained an unwarrantable in fluence over him, and he is really -coming down here to use his Influence over me to gain favors for them. 'This cannot be. I do not wish to wound his feelings. I do not wish him to know that I understand the object of his visit I have prepared a plan of action which I wish you to aid me In carrying out" He then relieved General Dickie of duty as commander of the cavalry, and told him to devote himself wholly to Mr. Jesse Grant during his stay to take him to his own tent and entertain him there, and above all to prevent the old gentleman from being alone with his son. General Grant for an Instant. The general's father arrived, and waa rery much pleased to accept General Dickie's hospitality, not knowing what it involved. ' General Dickie entertained him. most hospitably, but stuck to him very close ly. If the elder Grant found himself alone and hastened to see his son. there he found General Dickie. - Four or five days bassed. and he had gained no opportunity for a private in terview, and no chance to force one. For nearly ten days he kept np the attempt but had to go away at last without having accomplished his er rand. When he was irone Dickie was restored to his cavalry duty. The sub? ject was never again referred to be tween Grant and Dickie, but General Dickie, shortly before bis death, told the story to a Chicago lawyer. SURGERY OF BIRDS AND BEASTS They Evidently Have a Method of Treating: Their Wounds. That wild birds and animals possess a knowledge of surgery or some'thing that answers the purpose is well known to those who are intimate with their habits. An example of this in small birds was noted by an amateur naturalist last winter. He shot a specimen of the horned lark. On going to pick up the bird he waa very much annoyed to find, as he thought, that he had shot off one of its legs. But on closer inspection it was developed that the loss was an old one, the right leg being off from the joint The skin seemed to have been drawn over the end of the stump and had healed perfectly. The loss of this leg must have inconvenienced the bird considerably while on the ground feed ing, but it certainly did not hinder its flying ability, for it was bowling along in good shape when shot That a bird of this size should survive theshockandthe attendant loss of blood of such an injury is nothing short of marvelous. And there is no acocunting for It except that they have some means of treating such injuries. Another case bearing on this was that of a three-legged deer on Long Isl and. He had been known by his track for several years before his death (which, according to report occurred last season, although It is only rumor ed), and many of the hunters had made special attempts to kill this buck. The loss of the limb did not seem to inter fere in any way with his fleetness of foot for he seemed able to distance the best dogs on the island. No one seemed to know how he had lost his leg, but lost it he had, and any one with even a crude knowledge of anatomy must know that without treat ment of some kind to stop the flow the animal would have bled to death. It all goes to show, says the New York Times, that our feathered and furred friends of the woods have an ef ficient Red Cross system of their own, Sagacious Cats. South of Fulton street, m New York City, the cat is not a pet but a busi ness investment an insurance policy against the river rats. Yet, wild as some of ' these animals are, there is one man, says the Tribune, whom they regard with approval. That is the cat s meat man. "I don't know all of them," he says, "No man could; and, besides, there are changes all the time. But If I don't know them they all know me, every last cat of them. "And they're wise; cats are as wise as any beast that lives. Every cat on the block runs to meet me, but they are always on their good behavior. "Now, here's a place where I leave meat for six cats. They all follow me In when I give it to the porter. They are the cats that belong here, and all the rest of the cats are waiting peace ably for me to come out. Now, see those four cats run ahead and into the next place; they're the cats that belong there, and they line up to meet me. "But that Is a small part of the wis dom of these cats. Five mornings in the week I get around my beat be tween seven and eight o'clock, but on Saturdays I am always late, and never reach this block before nine. Well, on Saturday mornings the cats know that I'm late, and they don't put their heads outside the doors until It lacks only a little of nine. '.'You see there are calendars hang ing up In every office to tell the day of the week, and clocks, too, and there's nothing to hinder the cats from con sulting them. If they don't find out that way, how do they know when it's nine o'clock Saturday mornings?" Dowry of Brides. In almost every country but America there are restrictive conditions in force with regard to the marriage of army officers. In Russia especially Is this to be found, as no circumstances will permit the marriage of an officer under the age of 23, and not even between that and 28 years, unless the bride's dowry is a sum sufficient to allow him to keep his money for his personal use. The limit of this dowry is fixed by the government In the Austro-Hungarian army the number of officers authorized to marry is limited by a fixed proportion in each grade, and when these totals are reached further marriages are prohib nted until vacancies occur in the mar ried ranks. The Italian army regula tions fix the limit of a bride's dowry, but the law is frequently broken, for It has been recently estimated that only about one-eighth of the mar riages have occurred under the proper conditions. The other seven-eighths are attended with all the Inconveniencles of a marrige not recognized by the civil law. In the Billville District. "Who's that thundering down the road yonder?" "It's Johnson coming with his shot gun. Run and meet him half-way and tell him that his man's elected!" At lanta Constitution. To Select From. She The angels sent me ma two twin babies last night He Has she picked out the one she wants yet? The more reasons there are why a man should save money, the less likely he is to save it You just naturally hate to have some people "sell" you. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Pleasant Incidents Occurrina the World Over Sayings that Are Cheer ful to Old or Young Funny Selec tions that Everybody Will Enjoy. "John, she said, "do yon think you can afford a new gown for me?" He looked at her sharply. "Have you ordered It?" he asked. "Yes." , "Then," he said, with a sigh of resig nation. "I can afford it" Chicago Post Ambis-uous. Bella But why did you refuse him If you loved him? Dora Well, yon see, he said he eouldn't live without me, and It aroused my curiosity! Puck. A Guarantee and a Promise. "Do you guarantee this goods not to fade?" "Absolutely! And If It does we will ell you ' new goods to match the Changed color." Indianapolis News. Prominent People. "Is your family prominent in the neighborhood?" "WTell, I guess! My father's In jail, one little sister broke her arm', an' I got de mumps." -Giving- Him the Turn-Down. He Now, don't bother to help me on with my coat. She It's no bother. It's a pleasure. Town Topics. Two Hurry Calls. Little Freddie Please, Mr. Druggist, papa wants a bottle of liniment, and mamma wants a bottle of china ce ment right away. Druggist All right. What's wrong? Freddie Mamma hit papa with the sugar bowl. Baltimore American. His ExDerience. His Friend And you can't tret moneyed men to consider the matter? The Promoter No. Money talks, but I've found it a mighty poor listener. Puck. Drew the Line at the Hole. They were admiring the rattlesnake In the zoo, and had been Informed that It was much in need of live rats. "Will he swallow a rat whole?" ques tioned one. "No," growled the keeper, "we have to take 'em out of the holes first." Stray Stories. Distinction Defined. May Do you think one should marry for love or for money? Chaperon My dear, love is an excuse for marriage, but money is a justiflca tlon. Stray Stories. Easily Pleased. "Daughter, is your husband amia ble?" "Well, ma, he's Just exactly like pa; wien he gets his own way about every thing he's just perfectly lovely." Hei- tere Weit Incompetent. She (at the railroad station) Is this the bureau of Information ? Clerk Yes, miss. She Well, can you tell me where I can buy pink corded silk cut on the bias? Clerk I cannot She Well, do you know where Marie Smith lives? I've lost her address. I think her father is in the pickle busi ness. Clerk I don't know. She Well, what do you know? I'll have you reported to the president of the road this very day, so there! Proved He Was an Expert. Cycliss You must be an expert rider by this time? Pedall Well. I rather fancv I am. Knocked a man down at the crossing to-day. Cycliss Well? I don't see the point Pedall Don't you? If I hadn't been an expert rider I should have lost my nerve and dismounted. Stray Stories. Not Collateral. She Why do people borrow trouble so much? He O, because they never have to put up any security, I suppose. Ridiculous. Cholly She called me a crank. Miss Pepprey The idea! That's ri diculous. A crank is usually a person with one idea. Philadelphia Press. Life Not One Grand Sweet Song. Parson Why, John, what are you do ing there? John It be too wet to work, zur. Parson Well, if it's too wet to work, why don't you go home? John Well, my old 'oman, she do aw so! Punch. His Task Well Done. That missionary," remarked the king of the Cannon Ball Islands as he polished off the last rib, "is what I would call a finished scholar." A Landmark. Cltiman Yea, I'll be glad to ran out and see yon sometime. What's your number? Subbuba Why er the houses in Swamphurst are not numbered yet Cltiman WelL how will I find you? Subbubs Turn to the left from the station, and walk down the road until you come to the second big puddle. My house is directly opposite. Philadel phia. Press. The Spelling Fad. Kind Lady What Is your name, little girl? Little Girl My name Is Mame M-a-y-m-e. Kind Lady And the name of your dog? Little Girl His name Is Fido P-hy-d-o-u-g-h! Columbus Journal. Her First Football Game. She It is a rough game, isn't it? He Why; yes; but you didn't expect to see it settled by arbitration, did you? Puck. Precedent Established. "What makes you think she will mar ry you?" "She has married other men." Polite to Them. "I understand that potatoes are very high In price," said Gummey. "I should say they are," replied Glanders. "My boarding house keeper never calls them anything else but pommes de terre now." 8ure to Come Down. Tom Yes, we had quarreled, but I was determined to see her. Dick How did you manage It? Tom When I called I told the maid to say It was a society reporter who wanted to see her. Philadelphia Press. In New York. "Is he rich?" "Mercy, no! I don't suppose the poor man could scrape up more than two or three million to save his life." Chicago Record-Herald. Her Idea. Sally Gay What Is your Idea of a hero? Dolly Swift A man who doesn't need any mistletoe." Puck. Very Appropriate. "What did he get $300 back pension for?" "Oh, he was shot In the back." The Smart Set The Superfluous Baby. Bobby Did be come from heaven, mamma? Mother Yes, Bobby. . Bobby What's the matter; did he make too much noise, up there? The Usual Procedure. "What is the usual procedure In mar rying an heiress?" "Tell the lady how much you love her and tell her father how much you owe?" Refreshing Modesty. An unsuccessful candidate for a party nomination being met by a friend the morning following his disappointment, the following conversation ensued: Friend Well, how do you like the nominations? Rejected Candidate Excuse me, but I take no interest whatever in this elec tion. Friend No more do 1, except to wish that the best man may win. Rejected Candidate Well, he won't. Friend And why not, pray? Rejected Candidate Because he was not nominated. Boston Courier. All Surprised. Bessie I was surprised when Mr. Dashleigh asked me to marry him. Tessie Everybody else was! Ohio State Journal. One Opinion. "What a sour individual! What's he growling about, anyway?" "O! he complains that he hasn't got what he deserved in this world." "I should think he'd have cause to rejoice on that account." Philadelphia Press. In a Very Bad Way. "I have been kept in the house for three days," said Feltt, "with a felon on one of my fingers." "I know a man with fourteen hun dred felons on his hands, and they do not bother him much," said Hatt. "Fourteen hundred felons on his hands? Who is he?" "The warden at the State prison." Brother Dickey's Philosophy. In dis day en time nobody is In favor er gwine ter heaven In a cherryoot er fire; but some er dem '11 go de yuther way hollerln' fer a refrigerator. Adam wuzn't so fond er apples. De trouble wuz his experience in de fruit business wuz limited. When de devil calls on some folks dey feels in duty boun ter put on dey bes' cloze en return de visit. Ef you'd only tiptoe sometimes you could reach heaven en write yo titles clear wid a quill pen f'um a angel's wing. Ef dey wuz ter leave hell out de Bible what in de worl' would some er de good folks do fer consolation ? Atlan ta Constitution. Oldest Trade Processes. The two oldest secret trade processes now in existence are considered to be the manufacture of Chinese red, or vermilion, and that method of inlaying the hardest steel with gold and sliver, which seems to have been practiced at Damascus ages ago- and is known only to the Syrian smiths and their pupils even to this day. Being daughters of Eve, young ladies are of course partial to twilight
