r M
ALASKAN GOLQ,
A minion years in the smelting pots
Of the great earth's furnace core.
-It bubbled and boiled as the old gods
toiled
. Before it was time to pour.
A million years in the giant molds
Of granite and mica-schist
It cooled and lay in the self-same way
That into their hearts it hissed.
A million years, and the clouds of steam
Were rivers and lakes and seas;
And the mastodon to his grave had gone
In the coal that once was trees.
When the Master Molder raised his
hand.
He shattered the gray rock mold
And sprinkled its core from shore to
shore,
And the dost that fell wss gold.
Youth's Companion.
rjHE soft lights of the quiet, res
ll taurant brought rest to Boyn-
" ton's tired nerves; he picked up
the menu with a sigh of content.
"This Isn't half bad," he mused, run
ning his eyes down the card, "though
It savors uncommonly of poolroom
bulletins; 'combination one; combina
tion two' well," with a smile at the
conceit, "reckon I'll play combination
seven 'iamb chop, griddle cake, ly-
onnais potatoes' a hungry fellow can't
lose much on that for sure. Hello!"
bis glance falling suddenly on a large
Japanese screen, partially hiding one
corner of the room, "there's an or
chestra, too; hope they are on a par
with the rest of the appointments. By
Jove! they're girls."
- In the mirror by the end of the
screen a face had arisen, a laughing
girlish face, and its owner, tucking a
fat brown violin under her arm, and
blissfully unconscious of Boynton's
eager scrutiny, proceeded with much
graceful posing and sundry deft and
skillful Jabs of a long, blackheaded pin
to adjust a huge picture hat upon her
small and shapely head.
Evidently she of the merry counte
nance was trying it on, for she turned
presently as if inviting an opinion
from some unseen companion and at
that moment she caught the reflection
of Boyton's admiring eyes staring at
her in the mirror.
The smile vanished, giving place to
surprise, annoyance and swiftly grow
ing resentment; but the look of utter
chagrin that flashed over Boynton's
face as he realized that he had been
guilty of a rudeness was clearly too
much for the young lady's sense of
humor, for after a brief struggle, the
stern lines at the corner of her lips
melted into the suspicion of a smile;
with a quick glance half fun, half
defiance she suddenly thrust out her
tongue, and with a saucy courtesy at
the reflection of the discomfited Boyn
ton she disappeared.
"Well if she Isn't a peach," thought
Mark, gazing ruefully at the empty
mirror, while a curious thrill tingled
'along bis nerves. "What stunning hair
she has. I wish I knew who she was;
somehow she seems different from any
girl I ever " He dropped his knife
and fork in astonishment, doubting his
ears.
From behlud the screen came the
rollickiug notes of a familiar rag-time
'air, "Why don't you get a lady of your
own?" remarked the violin, sarcastic
ally. Mark gi-iuned In spite of him
self. "I'll get even for that, young lady,"
he remarked, "or my name Isn't Mark
Boyuton I am goiug to find out who
you are."
Duriug the remainder of his lunch
Mark racked his brain to little pur
pose, but as he stepped up to pay his
check an Inspiration came to him
"Eureka! he ejaculated.
"Beg pardon sir," said the cashier,
politely. "Why. certainly," she said
presently. In answer to Boynton's in
quiry, "the violin player's name is
Miss Sturm of course you can engage
her; she will be much pleased; a whist
party at your sister's you say please
write her address. I assure you Miss
Sturm will be on hand."
Mark departed, chuckling. "Wonder
what she'll say to-morrow night," he
thought. "I'll ask her to play 'Why
don't you got a lady," as I'm a sin
ner." "Awfully obliged for the orchestra,
Mark," said Miss Boyuton to her broth
er the following evening. "I never
dreamed of having anything so swell
as that for my whist; don't you think
it a nice Idea putting them behlud the
rubber plants?"
"Great. Sis." replied Mark, "believe
I'll go and ask them to play something
for me. "Here's where I take a trick."
he muttered, threading his way care
fully between the little tables
"Will you kindly play, 'Why don't'
I though Miss Sturm was to be here?"
wound up Mark, leaning against the
piano in surprise.
"But I vhas Miss Sturm," replied the
stolid looking, round-face violinist,
gazing at duuifounded Mark In mild
wonder.
"But I thought that is where is the
young lady who plays at the. restaur
ant?" stammered Mark.
"I vhas her." said the German girl.
Impassively, "the cashier, she half glf
me the Herr Boynton's card, and I haf
come to" but Mark, with an incoher
ent apology, retreated.
"Trumped," he thought miserably.
"What in the world can it mean? That
Dutch girl is as utterly unlike her as
darkness from light." It came over
Mark all at once, in a great wave of
disappointment, how much be bad
been looking forward to seeing the
merry face that had haunted him all
day. "I will find out who she is." he
told himself, with vehement determi
nation, "if I have to search all over
Bost Great Scott! am 1 awake?"
At a table In the far corner, unoccu
pied, save for her dainty self, her
hands toying idly with the score card,
was sitting the girl of the mirror. It
seemed an hour to Mark before he
reached his sister's side. "Maud." he
said eagerly, "who Is that girl over j
there? I I'd like to meet her?" I
Miss Boynton swept the room with
a deliberate glance. "That girl with
If possible use only filtered rain water
in making a solution and yon will be
surprised at the much better results you
will obtain.
Try rubbing around the edge of the
plate, say one-sixteenth of an inch
deep, with a pice of wax candle to pre
vent frilling.
Those who find difficulty in using a
brush for spotting pinholes in negatives
or prints, should try an ordinary wood
en toothpick sharpened to a needle
point.
To dry plates in a hurry after fixing
and washing, lay the plate in alcohol
and let It remain two minutes. Rest
plate on one corner when taking It out.
It will dry in a few moments. Be sure,
however, that it is thoroughly washed
before putting in the alcohol.
An English amateur, who stands
among the recognized leaders, has this
to say on hand camera pictures that Is
Interesting: " 'Under-exposed and over
developed;' this is the true verdict
which should be pronounced on perhaps
three out of every four hand camera
negatives. The error of over-development
is to a large extent due to the
widespread but very misleading notion,
viz., that prolonged development will
bring out the details. To put this fine,
crusted, old delnsion in other words, it
Is equivalent to saying that prolonged
development compensates for, or is
equivalent to, exposure. The hungry
school boy is sometimes told that the
thickness of the bread compensates for
the thinness of the butter, a maxim
which sounds all right, but is not easy
to swallow."
All amateurs ought te do their own
developing. It Is really the most inter
esting feature of picture taking. Any
one with intelligence enough to go in
when it rains can snap a shutter and
then take the plates or film to a pro
fessional to develop. That is not learn
ing anything, and moreover it is expen
sive. Do your own work. Get intimate
the auburn hair?" she said presently,
"that's Edith Sinclair; haven't you met
her yet? She's a Conservatory pupil."
"My brother, Mark." said Miss Boyn
ton, "Miss Sinclair."
A tide of red surged over Miss Sin
clair's perfect face as her eye met
Mark's. "You!" she exclaimed, with a
horrified little grasp, "the man who"
"Exactly, responded MarK, "tne man
who thought he had hired you to play
here -to-night and hadn't evidently."
Miss Sinclair laughed. "You took
me for Barbara Sturm, didn't you?"
she said. "I guessed as much when
she told me a gentleman had engaged
nor that evening. Miss Sturm had an
engagement and couldn't find a sub
stitute, so for a lark I got leave from
the 'Con' and took her place but
aren t you going to play whist?" drop
ping her eyes from Mark's intent gaze.
'I don't know." said Mark, in mock
despair, "I haven't any partner I nev
er had a 'Lady of my own.' you know,"
audaciously.
The red flashed back into Miss Sin
clair's cheek, but she looked straight
into Mark's earnest eyes. "Wouldn't
I do," she answered, saucily, "for a
partner?" Indianapolis Sun.
FRENCH FADS.
One Seems Altogether Without Rea
son) Another Is Reverse.
The women of Paris nre Just now en
gaged in rivalry in regard to who shall
own the prettiest fox cub. "Every so
ciety woman has one, with the result
that the little creatures are valued at
from $20 to $25. Wheu they become too
large to haudle they are sent to the
country and are there set free on the
great estates of the rich. Fox cubs are
very clever and very playful, but they
never are quite tame, and hence are
only temporarily safe house compan
ions.
When Invited to spend the night; at
the home of a friend. It Is now imper
ative to add to the nightrobe and the
toilet auxiliaries a set of clean sheets.
Really fastidious people do so. When
the Czar and Czarina were Invited to
be the guests of Paris, their couches
were fitted by France with linen from
the stock of royal napery accumulated
during the emperorship of Napoleon
III. The Imperial guests calmly and
quietly directed their attendants to re
move the French linen and substitute
for It the pieces wrought with the
arms of the Romanoffs. This, it was
explained to their perplexed entertain
ers, was the Czar and Czarina's invaria
ble custom, and it seemed to them to be
as Imperative a piece of refinement as
the owning of individual toothbrushes.
Now all the smart set pretends to have
been ever scrupulous in regards to Indi
vidual bed linen, and drapers are hap
py because it Increases the quantity
and enhances the quality of their sales,
since their patrons consider that only
exquisitely fine, monogrammed or
crested sheets, Ingeniously hand
stitched, are good enough for use when
going a-vlsltlng.
CASIMIR'S CHEF D'OEUVRE.
The Great Inventor of "Potagfe Get
miny" j.s to Ketire.
Some tears are reported to have
been shed by the gourmets of the
Paris boulevards on account of the In
tended retirement of a modern Vatel.
ho for nearly half a century has pre
sided over the cullinary department
of the Maison Doree. This famous
cook, familiarly known as Casimir, has
been so devoted to his business that
he has never seen Eiffel's tower. Casl
niir laments the decadence of dining in
mairar
Z
with "the way to do It all yourself.
A better acquaintance will come with
the camera, and there will be a deeper
Interest In Its capabilities where one
does the developing and attends to the
details. Often it is said: "Oh. I haven't
patience!" That's nonsense. Practice
patience. Yon have no idea of what can
be done, with very limited conveni
ences, and well done, too, if you are
really Interested and try. The bottom
shelf In a pantry, or one put in the end
of a chest, a pail of water, a couple of
pans, small red light, developer and
hypo, and there you are.
There Is a wide field from which the
amateur anxious to do something can
choose. Portraiture, perhaps, Is at the
top of the list; but undoubtedly most
difficult of all. Genre, hardly less exact
Ing and more generally interesting as
active human nature always is; land
scape with figures and figures with
landscape, each different from the oth
er, and both requiring much careful
study and thought, especially as to the
suitability and placing of the figures.
Street scenes as pictures of everyday
life; marine subjects, with the ocean
or the lake In all their moods, and the
happy combinations of the always in
teresting fisher folks, and the, to some
at least, equally Interesting yachts and
yacht racing. Architecture also offers
great opportunities, although In this
country not so great as In "some others;
and last, although perhaps not least,
flowers and flora generally, although
generally classed as the lowest phase
of art, have brought fame to some and
may do so again to those who really
love and know how to arrange and pho
tograph them. Whatever phase may be
selected It should be stuck to, and stud
led in all Its bearings. Especially should
the artist make himself acquainted
with all that he possibly can of what
has been done before In that line; exam
Ining and analyzing the work that
pleases in our picture galleries and in
the higher class magazines, not with a
view to copy it but to become so sat
urated with it as to form a style of his
own by which his work shall be recog
nized as unmistakably bis.
Paris of recent years. Formerly, as
ancient Casimir points out. the crea
tlon of a new soup or sauce or dish
was an event of equal importance with
the production of a new play.
The grandest day in Casimir's life,
says the New York Commercial Ad
vertiser, was that on which he Invent
ed or discovered potage germiny. a
soup made with the yolk of two eggs,
cream and sorrel. The potage was
prepared for a dinner given by the
Marquis de St. George, author of the
Mousquetalres de la Relne. Casimir
was as nervous over the reception of
bis soup as a dramatic author or a
composer on a first night He bad his
reward when the marquis sent for
him, and before the assembled guests
pressed him to his bosom and ex
claimed: "Casimir, it Is not a soup;
It is a great work, a masterpiece."
A Cripple Creek Incident.
He was just in from the East and
the pattern of his trousers were such
that even the dogs regarded him with
suspicion. He was walking ahead of a
fair girl, his Cripple Creek cousin, and
as they climbed the hill he caught his
breath and held it with an effort The
beautiful girl behind him was the first
to speak. She had been debating
whether to call him down for walking
in front of her or heave a bowlder
against his shoulder blade. Finally
she took another course and got him.
"This light air don't agree with you,1
she observed, sweetly."
"Perfectly," he gasped, using all the
atmosphere he bad on bis person.
"Is that so?" she gurgled, sarcasti
cally. "Why, your pants are so loud I
can hear them clear down here."
The man started slightly, intending
to freeze her with a glance, until it oc
curred to him that such a course might
require air, and, so thinking, hedragged
his leaden limbs skyward. Denver
Times.
Getting Even with Joe Jefferson.
On one occasion, just previous to
opening In one of the large Eastern cit
ies, Joseph Jefferson discharged his
property man, Bagley, for humiliating
him before a number of friends by fa
miliarly addressing him as "Joey."
Bagley got drunk right away and that
night paid his way to the gallery to see
Mr. Jefferson present "Rip Van Win
kle." The angry frau had just driven
poor, destitute Rip from the cottage
when Rip turned and. with a world of
pathos, asked: "Den haf I no Interest
in dis house?" The house was deathly
still, the audience half In tears, when
Bagley's cracked voice responded:
"Only 80 per cent Joey only 80 per
cent"
A Judge.
Mrs. Noobrlde Mr. Whiteoak had
some of my pie at the church fair last
nijrht and he said it was very good.
Mr. Noobride Well, now, that opin
ion, coming from him, is worth some
thing; expert testimony, in fact He's
in the leather business, you know."
Philadelphia Press.
Not Enough Good Ones.
"Why do some people think It's
wicked to go to the theater?"
"Well, I suppose It's because people
who make a practice of going so often
go to the bad." Philadelphia Bulletin.
Dried Peat for Fuel.
The Visland-Bolmen Railway, in
Sweden, has made a satisfactory test
of dried peat as fuel for locomotives
without changing the fire bed.
The wife who talks tbe least has the
best control over her husband.
DANGEBODS TOLAUGH
ROYAL ATTENDANTS MUST COM.
. M AND THEIR FEATURES.
Officer of the Czar Lost 912,000
Tear and High Position ok Account
of Inopportune Mirtlt Kaiser Also
la Touchy in This Regard.
It was awkward for the Czar's confi
dential adviser. Baron EnidofT, a few
weeks ago, that he bad not a quicker
control over his features, for a laugh
at the wrong moment lost him his high
position and 12,000 a year.
While the royal suite was at Com-
piegne, soon after the arrival, the Czar
was tired, and a little irritable, by the
effects of the long-journey. While go
ing through the big library, which was
part of the great apartments prepared
for him, he slipped on a wolfskin mat
that lay on the highly polished floor,
made a wild attempt to save himself.
and clutched at one of his attendants.-
He nearly brought himself and his
standby to the ground, but he just man
aged to avoid a falL The spectacle was
rather ludicrous, . especially In such a
stately personage; and when the rather
Irritated monarch turned round he
found his favorite Enldoff Indulging In
a grin of amusement which he could
not suppress.
The Czar, who detests levity on state
occasions, spoke very sharply to the
culprit who, next day, was dismissed
his post and relegated to an assistant
secretaryship, with plenty of hard
work to do, and wherein he never sees
the Czar at all. Although wealthy and
of the oldest nobility, the baron dared
not refuse the minor service. His for
mer stipend was 12,000 a year.
But the Kaiser, on the whole, is the
most dangerous person to laugh at or
before, and more than one person has
"done for" himself in this way. So did
the unfortunate Gough Milbanke find
It the clever but bluff Scottish colonial
administrator. It was he who used to
command the Sultan Abou Din's troops
and manage the Arabian fianances.
The Kaiser took him up, four years
ago, as a guest with a view to mak
ing use of him in the new "expansion"
policy of the German Empire, and had
decided to give him a fine position in
the East, to guard German Interests In
China, at a princely remuneration, of
course. The Kaisersees to these things
himself, and anybody who becomes one
of his right-hand men Is pretty well set
up for life.
At one of the audiences given him
at Potsdam, Milbanke was giving the
Emperor the benefit of his experience
and receiving his orders, when the Kai
ser made a rather absurd suggestion
as to eastern diplomacy, proposing to
win the confidence of the Japanese and
Kurile Islanders with presents.
Milbanke, bursting into a guffaw.
asked the Kaiser if he thought tbe
Japanese were Congo niggers, who
could be bought over with a few glass
beads and a flint lock gun? The Kaiser
froze at once, wished Milbanke good
night and never reopened relations
with him.
The moral Is, when you are chatting
with a king don't forget he is a king,
and dig him in theribs. A still more
amusing case of this kind was the mis
take of another Scottish administrator,
Duncan McVea, who was, next to Mc-
Leavy Brown, of Corea, the most fa
mous of "wandering" governors. Scot
land, by the way, supplies 80 per cent
of the world's pioneer administrators,
as well as its engineers.
McVea was dealing with that pleas
ant but touchy monarch, the King of
Portugal, who had proposed to put the
rather shaky government of the Cape
Verde Islands into his hands, to set
things going and pull the finances to
gether. This would have been a big
step, and meant some 25,000 a year to
the famous adventurer; but he had too
much of what Scotchmen are supposed
to lack sense of humor. At any rate, it
was the ruin of the finest prospect he
ever had.
The king became a little excited and
irritated at the various common-sense
objections that McVea, knowing what
he was talking about, opposed to some
of the monarch's plans, and though the
king speaks admirable English as a
rule, when excited it becomes a very
odd mixture indeed. This, finally, so
worked on McVea's feelings that he
Bmiled audibly, with the result that he
was promptly ordered away, and the
Cape Verdes still lack a Scottish gov
ernor to look after their affairs. Lon
don Answers.
GEN. GRANT AND HIS FATHER.
Elder Gentleman, Visiting His Bon,
Was Entertained by Gen. Dickie.
On the authority of the late Judge
Dickie, for some time chief justice of
Illinois, and during the Civil War chief
of cavalry under General Grant while
Grant bad his headquarters at Mem
phis, the Chicago Times-Herald tells a
remarkable story. It shows how Gen
eral Grant once fulfilled his sense of
honor in a matter in which he believed
his own father was improperly concern
ed, without hurting his father's feel
ings.
While at Memphis Grant had re
ceived word that his father was
coming to visit him. His staff
might have perceived that the pros
pect of this visit did not please
him, but It passed without comment
One night very soon before the date set
for his father's visit General Grant
summoned General Dickie to him, and
said:
'I have sent for you as a personal
friend. My father is coming to visit
me, and what I have got to tell you
about that visit Is not pleasing to me;
but something must be done. Some of
the money sharks and cotton specula
tors have gained an unwarrantable in
fluence over him, and he is really -coming
down here to use his Influence over
me to gain favors for them.
'This cannot be. I do not wish to
wound his feelings. I do not wish him
to know that I understand the object
of his visit I have prepared a plan of
action which I wish you to aid me In
carrying out"
He then relieved General Dickie of
duty as commander of the cavalry, and
told him to devote himself wholly to
Mr. Jesse Grant during his stay to
take him to his own tent and entertain
him there, and above all to prevent the
old gentleman from being alone with
his son. General Grant for an Instant.
The general's father arrived, and waa
rery much pleased to accept General
Dickie's hospitality, not knowing what
it involved.
' General Dickie entertained him. most
hospitably, but stuck to him very close
ly. If the elder Grant found himself
alone and hastened to see his son. there
he found General Dickie. -
Four or five days bassed. and he had
gained no opportunity for a private in
terview, and no chance to force one.
For nearly ten days he kept np the
attempt but had to go away at last
without having accomplished his er
rand. When he was irone Dickie was
restored to his cavalry duty. The sub?
ject was never again referred to be
tween Grant and Dickie, but General
Dickie, shortly before bis death, told
the story to a Chicago lawyer.
SURGERY OF BIRDS AND BEASTS
They Evidently Have a Method of
Treating: Their Wounds.
That wild birds and animals possess
a knowledge of surgery or some'thing
that answers the purpose is well known
to those who are intimate with their
habits.
An example of this in small birds was
noted by an amateur naturalist last
winter. He shot a specimen of the
horned lark. On going to pick up the
bird he waa very much annoyed to find,
as he thought, that he had shot off one
of its legs. But on closer inspection it
was developed that the loss was an old
one, the right leg being off from the
joint The skin seemed to have been
drawn over the end of the stump and
had healed perfectly. The loss of this
leg must have inconvenienced the bird
considerably while on the ground feed
ing, but it certainly did not hinder its
flying ability, for it was bowling along
in good shape when shot
That a bird of this size should survive
theshockandthe attendant loss of blood
of such an injury is nothing short of
marvelous. And there is no acocunting
for It except that they have some
means of treating such injuries.
Another case bearing on this was
that of a three-legged deer on Long Isl
and. He had been known by his track
for several years before his death
(which, according to report occurred
last season, although It is only rumor
ed), and many of the hunters had made
special attempts to kill this buck. The
loss of the limb did not seem to inter
fere in any way with his fleetness of
foot for he seemed able to distance the
best dogs on the island.
No one seemed to know how he had
lost his leg, but lost it he had, and any
one with even a crude knowledge of
anatomy must know that without treat
ment of some kind to stop the flow the
animal would have bled to death.
It all goes to show, says the New
York Times, that our feathered and
furred friends of the woods have an ef
ficient Red Cross system of their own,
Sagacious Cats.
South of Fulton street, m New York
City, the cat is not a pet but a busi
ness investment an insurance policy
against the river rats. Yet, wild as
some of ' these animals are, there is
one man, says the Tribune, whom they
regard with approval. That is the cat s
meat man.
"I don't know all of them," he says,
"No man could; and, besides, there are
changes all the time. But If I don't
know them they all know me, every
last cat of them.
"And they're wise; cats are as wise
as any beast that lives. Every cat on
the block runs to meet me, but they
are always on their good behavior.
"Now, here's a place where I leave
meat for six cats. They all follow me
In when I give it to the porter. They
are the cats that belong here, and all
the rest of the cats are waiting peace
ably for me to come out. Now, see
those four cats run ahead and into the
next place; they're the cats that belong
there, and they line up to meet me.
"But that Is a small part of the wis
dom of these cats. Five mornings in
the week I get around my beat be
tween seven and eight o'clock, but on
Saturdays I am always late, and never
reach this block before nine. Well,
on Saturday mornings the cats know
that I'm late, and they don't put their
heads outside the doors until It lacks
only a little of nine.
'.'You see there are calendars hang
ing up In every office to tell the day of
the week, and clocks, too, and there's
nothing to hinder the cats from con
sulting them. If they don't find out
that way, how do they know when it's
nine o'clock Saturday mornings?"
Dowry of Brides.
In almost every country but America
there are restrictive conditions in force
with regard to the marriage of army
officers. In Russia especially Is this
to be found, as no circumstances will
permit the marriage of an officer under
the age of 23, and not even between
that and 28 years, unless the bride's
dowry is a sum sufficient to allow him
to keep his money for his personal use.
The limit of this dowry is fixed by
the government
In the Austro-Hungarian army the
number of officers authorized to marry
is limited by a fixed proportion in each
grade, and when these totals are
reached further marriages are prohib
nted until vacancies occur in the mar
ried ranks. The Italian army regula
tions fix the limit of a bride's dowry,
but the law is frequently broken, for
It has been recently estimated that
only about one-eighth of the mar
riages have occurred under the proper
conditions. The other seven-eighths are
attended with all the Inconveniencles
of a marrige not recognized by the
civil law.
In the Billville District.
"Who's that thundering down the
road yonder?"
"It's Johnson coming with his shot
gun. Run and meet him half-way and
tell him that his man's elected!" At
lanta Constitution.
To Select From.
She The angels sent me ma two twin
babies last night
He Has she picked out the one she
wants yet?
The more reasons there are why a
man should save money, the less likely
he is to save it
You just naturally hate to have some
people "sell" you.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurrina the
World Over Sayings that Are Cheer
ful to Old or Young Funny Selec
tions that Everybody Will Enjoy.
"John, she said, "do yon think you
can afford a new gown for me?"
He looked at her sharply.
"Have you ordered It?" he asked.
"Yes." ,
"Then," he said, with a sigh of resig
nation. "I can afford it" Chicago Post
Ambis-uous.
Bella But why did you refuse him
If you loved him?
Dora Well, yon see, he said he
eouldn't live without me, and It aroused
my curiosity! Puck.
A Guarantee and a Promise.
"Do you guarantee this goods not to
fade?"
"Absolutely! And If It does we will
ell you ' new goods to match the
Changed color." Indianapolis News.
Prominent People.
"Is your family prominent in the
neighborhood?"
"WTell, I guess! My father's In jail,
one little sister broke her arm', an' I got
de mumps."
-Giving- Him the Turn-Down.
He Now, don't bother to help me on
with my coat.
She It's no bother. It's a pleasure.
Town Topics.
Two Hurry Calls.
Little Freddie Please, Mr. Druggist,
papa wants a bottle of liniment, and
mamma wants a bottle of china ce
ment right away.
Druggist All right. What's wrong?
Freddie Mamma hit papa with the
sugar bowl. Baltimore American.
His ExDerience.
His Friend And you can't tret
moneyed men to consider the matter?
The Promoter No. Money talks, but
I've found it a mighty poor listener.
Puck.
Drew the Line at the Hole.
They were admiring the rattlesnake
In the zoo, and had been Informed that
It was much in need of live rats.
"Will he swallow a rat whole?" ques
tioned one.
"No," growled the keeper, "we have
to take 'em out of the holes first."
Stray Stories.
Distinction Defined.
May Do you think one should marry
for love or for money?
Chaperon My dear, love is an excuse
for marriage, but money is a justiflca
tlon. Stray Stories.
Easily Pleased.
"Daughter, is your husband amia
ble?"
"Well, ma, he's Just exactly like pa;
wien he gets his own way about every
thing he's just perfectly lovely." Hei-
tere Weit
Incompetent.
She (at the railroad station) Is this
the bureau of Information ?
Clerk Yes, miss.
She Well, can you tell me where I
can buy pink corded silk cut on the
bias?
Clerk I cannot
She Well, do you know where Marie
Smith lives? I've lost her address. I
think her father is in the pickle busi
ness. Clerk I don't know.
She Well, what do you know? I'll
have you reported to the president of
the road this very day, so there!
Proved He Was an Expert.
Cycliss You must be an expert rider
by this time?
Pedall Well. I rather fancv I am.
Knocked a man down at the crossing
to-day.
Cycliss Well? I don't see the point
Pedall Don't you? If I hadn't been
an expert rider I should have lost my
nerve and dismounted. Stray Stories.
Not Collateral.
She Why do people borrow trouble
so much?
He O, because they never have to
put up any security, I suppose.
Ridiculous.
Cholly She called me a crank.
Miss Pepprey The idea! That's ri
diculous. A crank is usually a person
with one idea. Philadelphia Press.
Life Not One Grand Sweet Song.
Parson Why, John, what are you do
ing there?
John It be too wet to work, zur.
Parson Well, if it's too wet to work,
why don't you go home?
John Well, my old 'oman, she do
aw so! Punch.
His Task Well Done.
That missionary," remarked the
king of the Cannon Ball Islands as he
polished off the last rib, "is what I
would call a finished scholar."
A Landmark.
Cltiman Yea, I'll be glad to ran out
and see yon sometime. What's your
number?
Subbuba Why er the houses in
Swamphurst are not numbered yet
Cltiman WelL how will I find you?
Subbubs Turn to the left from the
station, and walk down the road until
you come to the second big puddle. My
house is directly opposite. Philadel
phia. Press.
The Spelling Fad.
Kind Lady What Is your name, little
girl?
Little Girl My name Is Mame
M-a-y-m-e.
Kind Lady And the name of your
dog?
Little Girl His name Is Fido P-hy-d-o-u-g-h!
Columbus Journal.
Her First Football Game.
She It is a rough game, isn't it?
He Why; yes; but you didn't expect
to see it settled by arbitration, did you?
Puck.
Precedent Established.
"What makes you think she will mar
ry you?"
"She has married other men."
Polite to Them.
"I understand that potatoes are very
high In price," said Gummey.
"I should say they are," replied
Glanders. "My boarding house keeper
never calls them anything else but
pommes de terre now."
8ure to Come Down.
Tom Yes, we had quarreled, but I
was determined to see her.
Dick How did you manage It?
Tom When I called I told the maid
to say It was a society reporter who
wanted to see her. Philadelphia Press.
In New York.
"Is he rich?"
"Mercy, no! I don't suppose the poor
man could scrape up more than two or
three million to save his life." Chicago
Record-Herald.
Her Idea.
Sally Gay What Is your Idea of a
hero?
Dolly Swift A man who doesn't need
any mistletoe." Puck.
Very Appropriate.
"What did he get $300 back pension
for?"
"Oh, he was shot In the back." The
Smart Set
The Superfluous Baby.
Bobby Did be come from heaven,
mamma?
Mother Yes, Bobby.
. Bobby What's the matter; did he
make too much noise, up there?
The Usual Procedure.
"What is the usual procedure In mar
rying an heiress?"
"Tell the lady how much you love
her and tell her father how much you
owe?"
Refreshing Modesty.
An unsuccessful candidate for a party
nomination being met by a friend the
morning following his disappointment,
the following conversation ensued:
Friend Well, how do you like the
nominations?
Rejected Candidate Excuse me, but
I take no interest whatever in this elec
tion. Friend No more do 1, except to wish
that the best man may win.
Rejected Candidate Well, he won't.
Friend And why not, pray?
Rejected Candidate Because he was
not nominated. Boston Courier.
All Surprised.
Bessie I was surprised when Mr.
Dashleigh asked me to marry him.
Tessie Everybody else was! Ohio
State Journal.
One Opinion.
"What a sour individual! What's he
growling about, anyway?"
"O! he complains that he hasn't got
what he deserved in this world."
"I should think he'd have cause to
rejoice on that account." Philadelphia
Press.
In a Very Bad Way.
"I have been kept in the house for
three days," said Feltt, "with a felon
on one of my fingers."
"I know a man with fourteen hun
dred felons on his hands, and they do
not bother him much," said Hatt.
"Fourteen hundred felons on his
hands? Who is he?"
"The warden at the State prison."
Brother Dickey's Philosophy.
In dis day en time nobody is In favor
er gwine ter heaven In a cherryoot er
fire; but some er dem '11 go de yuther
way hollerln' fer a refrigerator.
Adam wuzn't so fond er apples. De
trouble wuz his experience in de fruit
business wuz limited.
When de devil calls on some folks
dey feels in duty boun ter put on dey
bes' cloze en return de visit.
Ef you'd only tiptoe sometimes you
could reach heaven en write yo titles
clear wid a quill pen f'um a angel's
wing.
Ef dey wuz ter leave hell out de Bible
what in de worl' would some er de
good folks do fer consolation ? Atlan
ta Constitution.
Oldest Trade Processes.
The two oldest secret trade processes
now in existence are considered to be
the manufacture of Chinese red, or
vermilion, and that method of inlaying
the hardest steel with gold and sliver,
which seems to have been practiced
at Damascus ages ago- and is known
only to the Syrian smiths and their
pupils even to this day.
Being daughters of Eve, young ladies
are of course partial to twilight