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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (May 3, 1901)
SUNSHINE AND MUSIC h Is just like sunshine, eshena all the day. the peak of life with light drives the clouds away; oul grows glad that hears it, feels its courage strong gh is just like sunshine cheering folks along. . gh Is Just like music, ingers In the heart, where its melody is heard ills of life depart; happy thoughts come crowding joyful notes to greet ugh is just like music making living sweet!. uis Republic. If SIVII 111 a I K I IY1I im V LLYN rode across the prairie Joyously and looked longingly to ward the East, where the sun scarce an hour high. The fresh. ri it nlr BMmwl tn turniMtd avanr of his being, and he drew in ereat tha of it. feelinc a wild sort of arre In the mere fact of being alive. and he had been in that beatific e for two wholc da vs. The rest of cowboys of the outfit did not know at to make of It Cayuse Ike said bad been "locoed," for Allyn had Jim. and to sen him bovishlv ex- prant nnrl In n trnv hiiiYinr wne nn nn- ard-of thine until the last day or so. Allvn bad once made the mistake or I 1 .-! I 14 1 1 1 1 I It'll HIIUP I IV I 1 1 1 I I IT M v 1 1 1 1 u t i nrniinpA 11 riiiii na nnn tnvpn up in disgust and migrated to the ome nf nnnnrrnnitv in nn?ie nf cretnntr Ich. During his idle hours Allyn had fallen i love, and he took that very seriously len i t ii' inn r noM n-i t h mm rn. n n UU 111 1 1 II 1 1 1 1 1 I l-)1 II II tA I PI II H 1 1' W cicuue 11UUJ lUttlll U1U UUL UU1UUUI IU a year. At the rate his practice was not increasing Methuselah would have been a youngster compared with Allyn if he waited for the revenue from his profession to enable him to marry. "Jim," she said, "you are acting very foolishly. What does it matter if you haven't any money? I don't want money. I've got enough, or will have when I am 24, when I get control of it That would keep us very nicely, and FOB ONCK IN THBEE YEARS EE WAS HAPPY. would hold us up until you could es tablish a paying practice. Now, don't be silly." "Nelly," he said solemnly, "I cannot afford to marry now. People would say that I married you for your money, and I don't intend to put myself In a position where such a motive could be imputed to me. It would be unjust to me and you." "Well, Jim," and there were tears in her voice, "I don't think you are acting fairly toward me. Here I am an or phan, with nobody on earth to love ex cept you so that life without you will be worse than no life at all, and now you say you cannot marry me until you make what it took my father a life time to accumulate. Why, by that time, I'll have wrinkles and maybe false teeth and glasses, and be a hor rid, snuffy, fussy old woman." "No, Nell, I don't want to make $200, 000. If I had ? 100,000 it would be all right. And it will not take long. Out West I will make it quickly. Just you stand fast and wait for me." "Oh, I'll wait, but I think you are hateful and pigheaded just the same. Would you marry me If I hadn't any money at all?" "Yes, gladly, and we would be happy, too. You would manage somehow. But now my self-respect will not allow me." So it was that he went to make his fortune and at the same time peace with his unduly-active conscience. To his utter disgust, he found, after a year's prospecting, that gold mines were not at all plentiful, and that every foot of the mountains had been pros pected over time and again. A year in Mexico assured him that the business of finding silver mines lying around loose bad also played out long ago, and that it took lots of capital to start ranching on a paying basis. Funds were getting low, so he secured a place as one of the herdsmen of the XXX outfit, and on account of his grave de meanor was promptly named by .the other cowpunchers Sorrowful Jim. And the name stuck to him. During ail his wanderings he had written to Nell as regularly as possi ble, and had begun to regret in a measure his puritanical conscience. At S40 a month and grub he did not see that a fortune was in immediate prospect Absence had indeed made his heart grow fonder, and he longed for a sight of Nell's laughing eyes and dimpled face. Yet he would not acknowledge him self beaten or that he would give in. Much against his inclination he re mained consumed with a desire to see her, yet impelled to remain In stiff-' necked pride, acting as avant courier and escort for a lot pf wild-eyed, long norned steers, all the while cursing himself for a fool. So he and the rest of the outfit did not have much in com mon together, and he grew more and more unsociable and lonely. Small wonder was it, then, that when he received a letter from ber he felt that his voluntary exile was broken. His penance was done, - and he was free to return to civilization and Nelly. Jim LOGAN EQUESTRIAN STATUE UNIQUE AMONG MONUMENTS, III L r,T',r, , , . Ifc,T'- A. f ' ' P 7 ' - 2 ' " ! LOGAN EQUESTRIAN STATUE IN WASHINGTON. The bronze statue of John A. Logan, which was recently unveiled in Washing ton with impressive ceremonies, is a handsome addition to the monuments of the capital city and one of the most unique. It is the conception of Franklin Simmons, a distinguished sculptor, and is one of the finest memorials of the equestrian style that have aver been unveiled in this country. It is the only monument wholly of bronze to be found in America. Both pedestal and statue were made in Italy and, while on exhibition in Rome, was viewed with curiosity by thousands. Its beauty so impressed King Humbert that he knighted Mr. Simmons for his work. The pedestal is about twenty-five feet in height. On one side is a group rep resenting Gen. Logan in consultation with the officers of his command. These are portraits of the leading generals of the Army of the Tennessee, namely: Dodge, Hazen, Slocum, Leggett, Mower and Blair, and of Capt. Strong. On the opposite side of the pedestal Gen. Logan is represented as takiug the oath of office as Senator of the United States before Vice-President Arthur. . Grouped around are Senators Gullom, Evarts, Conkling, Morton, Miller, Voorhees" and Thurman, of whom there are now living only Gen. Dodge and Senator Cullom. On the front of this beautiful pedestal is an ideal figure, about life-size, repre senting the "Defense of the Union," and on the other. end a figure of the same size representing "Preservation of the Union." These allegorical figures are beau tifully and appropriately draped and are. stately and imposing. fc Surmounting the pedestal is the equestrian figure, which measures 146 feet in height. Gen. Logan is represented as riding along the line of battle, his sword unsheathed, and the horse moving forward at a gentle trot slightly held in check. The general's appearance exhibits great force and energy, and the whole impression given by the statue is one of dignity, beauty and power. :' - ' take an almost doweriess bride. I have now only enough left to bring me in $300 a year exactly what you had. 1 do not own another thing on earth. I had concluded that the money with out you was not worth having, and as long as you are so stubborn about it I saw that I must give in, so I have done so gladly. I have got to be 24, as you know, and have absolute control over my property. So, in order to get you, I have given away my fortune. "You have cost me nearly $100,000, so I'm of the opinion that you had bet ter come on and deliver yourself up as a victim. I don't propose to tell you another thing about it, as you have' no right to know now. After after oh, well, some time J will tell you what I did with the rest of the money, but just now it is no affair of yours. You will simply have to take my word for it Come on, Jim. I am anxions to see you." So it was that Jim was so happy. He had only two days more to wait; then he would get his month's wages. He had $400 saved up, and he reflected that he and Nelly would manage to get along on that for a while. His pride was riding rampant, also, and his con science was very self-satisfied, .indeed, for had he not held out against the al lurements of beauty, wealth, position, ease everything? It was victory well worth rejoicing for. The ceremony was over, the few inti mate friends had taken their departure and Jim and Nell looked at each other in a bewildered sort of way. "I think we ought to take a trip, Jim. I'm so deadly tired of this place. I don't know what to do. Let's go to Europe. I've always wanted to eo there." "Nell, are you erazy? I can.t afford a trip to Europe, and you know it And you haven't any money, either, so how are we to go?" "I think it very unkind of a person of your wealth to be taunting me with my poverty. For a man as rich as you, I think you are undoubtedly 'close.' " Her eyes twinkled merrily. "I want to go to Europe, and now I've got you to go with me you ought to be glad of the opportunity." "Nell, dear, if I could afford It you know I would be delighted to take you." "Well, you can afford it." "I tell you I cannot." "I know better you can. Why just look at these," and she handed him a bundle of books and papers. He picked up the first one and read the inside page: "First National Bank, in account with James M. Allyn. De posited May 1, $35,000; May 9 $12,000 May 12, $12,000." "What does this mean, Nell?" he asked wonderinkly as he looked at an other book and read: "Received May 0, bonds, mortgages, stocks and securi ties duly transferred and assigned to James M. Allyn, and aggregating $130, 000, and more -particularly described as follows: 'The Trust and Safe De posit Company.1 " Nell was hugely enjoying the situation. She seated herself on the arm of the chair and said: "You dear old stupid, mulish, stub born thing, I told you the truth, for I gave everything I owned to you before I wrote that letter. I told the truth, for 1 reserved just enough to bring me mmm "Well, I'll be" She kissed bim and stopped the word. . "Are you going to Europe?" she asked. ' , , v "Yes. " I think I . would enjoy the trip myself, but don't" you think you paid too much for me?" "Oh, I don't know. Not so long as you are nice as you are now. Come on. Let's get ready and catch the steamer leaving to-morrow evening." Yonkers Statesman. . OHIO MAN'S ROMANCE. Gains a Wife Thronsh Pretty Dinins Boom Girl's Mishap. A few weeks ago Miss Ethlyn Fisher was a dining room girl in a hotel in WiUiamsport, Pa., but she is now Mrs. Earl W. Hennlng, wife of a wealthy manufacturer of Massillon. Ohio. Their acquaintance dated from a mishap in the dining room, when Miss Fisher MRS. EABt, W. HENNINO. upset a glass of milk over Mr. Hen nlng while he was at the hotel. Although confused over the accident, the pretty waitress apologized so grace fully that the heart of the stranger was touched, and he decided then and there to lay, siege to the , young woman's heart. That be succeeded is evidenced by the wedding which has since been solemnized. Mrs. Henning Is 22 years oldand is very pretty. She is an or pban. . ( Good Story on Senator Jones. They are telling this story in Wash ington about Senator Jones of Arkan sas, chairman of the Democratic Na tional Committee, who is a member of the Humane Society, and wears a badge that entitles him" to Investigate the condition of any animal that ap pears to be ill treated. One day as' he came down from the Capitol, be in spected a team that was standing by the curb. "Here, you V shouuted the driver., "what are you doing there feeling about that horse's neck?" "I'm an officer of 'the Humane Socie ty," replied Senator Jones, mildly, "and I want to see if this collar fits this horse." . "Well," snarled the driver, "If that collar don't fit that horse any better than your collar fits you, you just run along and 'get a cop and have me ar rested." . ' ' The man who talks about the weath er, in a very low, confidential voice never bad a secret in his life important enough to keep from his wife.'; : After a young man has called on a girl as often as three times, she begins to beg her mother for a half dollar to r" t",T" fnrf"np t""V EXPENSES IN MEXICO. WHAT LIVING COSTS IN OUR NEIGHBOR COUNTRY. Various Household .Articles Looked Upon by Americans as Necessities Cost About Three Times as Much as They Do at Home. Living expenses in the City of Mex ico, or in fact any of the larger cities of Mexico, cannot be said to be cheap, with regard to the standard of living to which most Americans who come here are accustomed, and which they look upon as a necessity wherever they may be located, says a writer in Mod ern Mexico. Mexico is a silver coun try, but that very fact makes many things that the foreigner demands as necessities' so much higher. Mexican money is on a silver basis, but living expenses for the average American in Mexico, at least, are on a gold basis. In fact, for the family that keeps house here, expenses as a rule, will average about three Mexican dollars to one American dollar for the same relative standard of living. This ratio may be too high In comparison with the larger cities of the Atlantic coast but. It certainly is not for smaller places, or Western cities. House rent in the capital is an important item. It is practically impossible to secure a house-with any degree of privacy or modern conveniences for less than $75 per month. Servants are paid less than In the United States, housemaids receiving from $6 to $9 a month, but on the other hand, many households that managed comfortably with one maid for general housework in the North here find it necessary to employ two or three. Boarding is cheaper, particularly for those without families. Single rooms rent for from $20 to $40 per. month. Day board can be secured at city restaurants and private board ing houses for from $30 to $40 per month. It is In the matter of clothing and general household supplies that the American family In Mexico finds the greatest expense. Fine French goods, gloves and broadcloth cost about the same number of. silver dollars here that they do in gold in the United States, but the things that are classed as daily necessities by the average American cost much more. In the plain er lines of dry goods It is but natural, considering the double value of the gold dollars in the countries from which most of them are Imported, the duties and freights added, that noth ing is to be found for less than three times as many silver dollars as they cost in gold dollars in the countries where they are manufactured. Gentle men's ready made clothing is practical ly unknown among the better classes. A business suit of good English woolen costs from $40 to $50. Few American families are content to live upon the products of this country entirely. A few fresh vegetables and fruits are nearly always cheap. Potatoes are never lower than 3 cents a pound and eggs are cheap at 25 eents a dozen. No imported groceries are less than four times as much in silver, as they are in the United States irgold. . Fifteen rcerit quality of American canned fruit posts $1.50 a can here., .The cheapest canned vegetables cost from 60 to-80 cents a can. The package cereals that retail ?at 81-3 cents 'tn the States, cost 40c 'to 50 cents-bereTt Imported Ameri can, and the best native, butter .is from 80 to 90 cents a pound. Milk costs from 13 to 16 cents a litre, a trifle more than a quart. . In meats, beef costs 30 cents a pound, pork 35 cents, mut ton 30 cents, bacon and lard 40 cents a pound. Mexican flour Is 7 cents a pound and native sugar 11 cents. These figures are all given In Mexican money, as nearly all who come to Mexico re ceive salaries In the currency of the country. This paper has frequently spoken of the class of opportunities offered here to young men who are well equipped in some special line, but the man with a. family who has em ployment certainly cannot expect to better himself by removing here for less ' than three times as much in sil ver as he can earn at home in gold. Aside . also, from the greater cost of many things must be considered the lack of English school advantages. These are limited in the capital and in most points in the interior they ' are entirely lacking.- Wherever found, they must, of course, be reckoned as an ad ditional expense, as there are, natural ly, no public' schools here conducted in the English language. QUEEN ELIZABETH'S FAULTS. She Was Very Vain and Inordinately Fond of Fine Dress. Yet Elizabeth was never really suc cessful with her wardrobe as a more feminine woman might have been. Her dresses were never beautiful, only ludicrously and most inappropriately magnificent; laden with jewels, weight ed down with cloth of gold, stiff with silver embroidery and so heavy that even her big, powerful frame must (without supporting vanity) have felt the fatigue of carrying them about Elizabeth was certainly vain; but she cannot claim femininity merely on that account, for vanity is by no means an exclusively feminine characteristic; there are perhaps more vain women than vain men, because women have more leisure, and their costumes afford greater opportunities for vanity than the strangely hideous clothing which custom has arranged for men; but no thoughtful (feminine) observer can doubt that a vain man is vainer than a vain woman! . Elizabeth's hands were her especial pride, and, judging from her portraits, they were certainly beautiful; they were laden with jewels, and it was her habit In public to pull her rings off with absent artlessness, and push them on again, moving those white hands about in the most obvious way. Once, during the grave consideration of a state paper, where in her cold sagacity never took second' place, she inter rupted the discussion to ask whether the Due d'Anjou, who was at one time one of her suitors, had been told what a pretty foot she had, and how white and well rounded was her arm? This, in the woman who financed the Armada with hard-headed economy, who dared the superstitious terrors of her own ,ffirp1p"y,aJi.J"'nJhlirll!nded and im- pudent treatment of the bishops, 'whose Interest in methods of torture for state prisoners was most mechanical and In telligent, entirely unhampered by any squeamish feminine hesitation as to blood or pain is most curious. In connection with this last characteristic of cruelty, vanity is not at all unprece dented. Indeed, if one observe closely, one will notice that excessively vain persons have almost always a strange inclination toward cruelty. The ac counts of what Queen Elizabeth per mitted and Indeed commanded in this respect will hardly bear reading by us sensitive folk to-day. Margaret Deland in Harper's Bazar. COOD Short Storie$ i When that very limited monarch, Louis-Philippe, was asked to pardon Barbes, he replied: "He has my par don; now I will Bee il I can get him that of my ministers." , L. O. Howard, the distinguished en tomologist, felt somewhat flattered at receiving one day a letter from a gen tleman asking him to send a copy of his report Mr. Howard replied promptly, and asked to which particu lar report his correspondent referred. The answer came: "Am not particu lar which one you send. I want, it for a scrap-book." ' Drr Milan Soule writes that hypnotic suggestion has enabled him to afford complete or partial relief in several in stances. An accomplished and well known medical man gravely assured him "that he had frequently cured his wife of seasickness after the acute stage had passed by compelling her at tention while he slowly read aloud the first chapter of the Gospel accord ing to St Matthew." During the recent trial of certain members of the Belton Park Club in England, who were charged with il legally employing a number of young sters as caddies who should have been at school, it was stated. that the cad dies were given luncheon and tea. "Why did you give them tea?" the judge asked. The witness repliedhat it was usual to give caddies tea. "Ah," said the judge, thoughtfully, "I pre sume that makes them tea-caddies." The lateDr. Creighton, Bishop of London, once made a visit to Father Stanton's church in High Holborn, a most ritualistic organization The service was not quite to his liking, but Father Stanton-talked so fast that he did not have a chance to say anything until he got into his carriage to go away. Then he remarked: "I like your service, Stanton, but I don't like your incense." "Very sorry, my lord, very sorry," replied Father - Stantoc, submissively, "but it is the very best I can get for three shillings and six pence a pound." A Russian military- paper tells of a lieutenant who overheard a sergeant giving a recruit a short lecture upon his duties. "The military service," said the sergeant, "requires little prayer to God, and a strict attention to the orders of a superior." Some what astonished at this singular defini tion of military duty, the officer ven tured to ask the sergeant for his au thority. Whereupon the sergeant pro duced an ancient volume, containing the following: "The military service requires littlerprayer to God and strict attention to the orders of a superior." Recently in Los Angeles (says an Al bany minister) five prominent gentle men of foreign birth chanced to meet. One "was a Russian, one a Turk, one a Frenchman, one an American, and one an Englishman. These gentlemen be came intimate, and finally a champagne supper was proposed, at which' each gentleman, to be in keeping with the times,, was to give a toast to his na tive country, the one giving the best to be at no expense for the wine. Here are the toasts given: The Rus sian "Here's to the stars and bars of Russia, that were never pulled down." The Turk "Here's to the' moons of Turkey, whose wings were never clipped." The Frenchman "Here's to the cock of France, whose feathers were never picked." The American "Here's to the Stars and Stripes of America, never - trailed in defeat." The Englishman "Here's to the ramp in', roarin' Hon of Great Britain, that tore down the stars and bars of Rus sia, clipped the wings of . Turkey, picked the feathers. of the cock, of B'rance, and ran like h 1 from the Stars and Stripes of the United States of America." A Shadow on Her Life. - Somebody once asked a tranquil old resident of Nantucket if her life had always run as smoothly as she could wish; if no great sorrows or disappoint ments had ever come to mar its seren ity. ' ' The old lady sat looking out of the window for a moment, and then turned to her questioner with a little smile on her sweet face. "I suppose, you'll think it's foolish, maybe," she said, "but I did have one great disappointment and I've never forgotten it Tfyere was a man that came to the island once with a hand organ and a monkey. He got as far as the corner of our street, and I thought he was coming right this way, but he didn't. "I was housed with a cold and couldn't - go out to see him and his monkey, so I only caught just a glimpse of them. They played half an hour in the next street. : ' "Disappointments like that stay by folks all their lives," she added, after a sympathetic ejaculation from her visitor. "It was more than thirty years ago, but I've never ceased regretting I didn't see that monkey. I've been wonderfully blessed in every other way, dear; but that organ-grinder never came to the island again, never!" - ' Unneifthborly. - Hoax You're a fine fellow! : . . Joax What's the matter? 7 "You've; given your wife, a twenty-five-dollar bonnet." : : "Well, you don't have to pay for it" "No; but I have to pay for another one just like it for my wife." Philadel phia Record. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Pleasant Incidents Occurring; the World Over Saying that Are Cheer ful to Old or Young-Funny Selec tions that Everybody Will Enjoy. "I've got a great scheme," said he. "I shall get rich at it" "Again?" asked his friend, who knew the usual results of his schemes. "O, this will pay. I'm going to take a large consignment of mice to Kansas and sell them to saloonkeepers at $5 a dozen." Pittsburg Chronicle Tele graph. The Reasons. " Funnyboy This weather ought to be boiled! Growler Boiled! Why boiled? Funnyboy Because It's so raw! Ally Sloper. Reporter Young Scribbler has gone on a terrible bat; his best girl rejected him. Editor Unaccompanied by stamps, 1 suppose. Off As;ainv On Again "Very well," said she, In a huff, "all is over between us. I'll thank you to re turn my letters." "All right," said he, "I'll send them to you the first thing In the morning." "Oh, there's no killing hurry. Sup pose you er bring them with you when you call to-morrow evening. Philadelphia Press. He'd Settle Old Scores. Tommy O! Ouch! Stop that! Mamma Why, Tommy, aren't you ashamed? I wouldn't cry that way if it was my hair that was being combed. Tommy (fiercely) I'll bet you would if I was doin' the combing. Philadel phia Press. Snre Cure. Yabsley I wish I could break my wife of the habit of presenting me with cigars every opportunity she gets. Jollyboy Do as I do. Smoke them in the house. Brooklyn Life. Easily Adjnstel. "Pardon me," said the busy man to the insurance agent who had forced his way into his office, "but I'm not pre pared to talk to you to-day." "Don't let that worry you," replied the insurance agent "I'll do the talk ingPhiladelphia Press. Easily Explained. Eaton These hot cakes are not as large as those I got here a few days ago. Waiter No? Well, you see, these are flannel cakes, and - flannel will shrink. Philadelphia Record. Point of View. -Indignant Ike Dat cur o! yourn bit me, lady. Wot ker goin' to do 'bout it? Housewife-Oh, I shan't do anything for him, but just let him die. We were going to poison him anyway! Why Did He? Alex. Smart Say, didn't Henpeck know his wife before he married her? Numskull Why, certainly he did! Alex. Smart Then why did he marry her? Ohio State Journal. More to Follow. "I've turned highwayman," chuckled the sofa. "What!" exclaimed the chair. "Yes. I held a couple up last night." Philadelphia Record. , The Autocrat. "Of course I am master in my own house," said Mr. Meekton a little in dignantly. "How do you manage it?" "I tell Henrietta to do just what she pleases. And she goes ahead and does it." Washington Star. A Treasure. Mrs. Polkadot She is a fine nurse, isn't she? Mrs. Pahducah Ideal! Why, I can go for days without even seeing the children. Brooklyn Life. Can't Last Forever. Hopley What seems to trouble your baby? ,;- Poptey (wearily) I suppose it trou bles him to think that eventually he'll have to go to sleep at night Philadel phia Press. - A Profession for Him. - - Fond Mother (of delicate dude) I think it Is time Clarence selected a profession. What would you advise? Old Gent (reflectively) He might do nicely as a typewriter girL New York Weekly. . . v '.-""-' 'N.-' 7 Turned Down. .All Plain to Him Now. "Here," said the foreman of the press room, leading his visitors into another apartment, "are the great presses. The matter is stereotyped in the form of curved plates, these are placed on ths cylinders, and as they revolve they leave their Impression on the paper that unwinds from that hue-e roll at the back of the press." "I see now," remarked one of the vis itors, a person of much sagacity, "what Is meant when we read of an item going the rounds of the press." Stranae. "Strange thing happened to tha Widow Jones. An old bachelor friend said she looked younger than she did twenty years before." pliment." "But it came as such a surprise to her that her hair turned black that same night." Philadelphia Times. At a Brooklyn Mnaicale. 'It's funny that you should be so tall. Your brother, the artist, is short. Isn't he?" He (absently) Yes, usually. Brook lyn Life. A Cautious Parrot. Fair Visitor What a lovely parrot! (To parrot) Polly want a cracker? , Polly (cautiously) Did you make it yourself ? What to Eat. A Drawback to Success. "Daughter, that young Perkins who comes here seems a very patient ad mirer." "Oh, yes, pa; he's awfully patient but he Isn't a bit persevering." An Unknown Species. "The homely girl is unknown In jour nalism," said the talkative critic. "I have never found her getting married, dying, being murdered, run over, in jured In any way, entertaining or being entertained or anything else. It is al ways her fine-looking, pretty or hand some sisters that figure in all of these things." His Impression. His Friend Your son is home from college. Is he? It must give a young man a lot of mental traininV The Farmer Well, he don't seem to be overtrained. Puck. Ostentation. Nell Mrs. Newricn wants to impress everybody with her wealth. Belle Yes, she never puts less than a 5 cent stamp on her letters. Philadel phia Record. At the St. Louis Exposition. first visitor wnurs that fer? second Visitor Guess it s to pass' U-L-lllKUlg. Taking; a Mean Advantage. "It's got so," the man in the brown jean suit was saying, "that you can't, trust anybody these days. I saw an advertisement of a man in the East that said for 10 cents he'd send a book of forty-five pages of mighty spicy read in." "WaTI " fliAW n V , T (t . A. jij i --i, uicj ooilcu mm, Wliu-l U1U you get when you sent the 10 cents?" "A catalogue of a spice mill, by gosh!" Poor Fellow! Mrs. Houskeep Now, you've had your dinner, will you saw some wood for me? Wragson Tatters Say, lady, I'm afraid! Mrs. Houskeep Afraid of work," I suppose? . Wragson Tatters It isn't that, lady; but I'm a kleptomaniac, an' I'm afraid I'd steal the saw! Philadelphia Press. Accident. Wiggles There was a man hurt in a French duel once. Waggles Really ? Wiggles Yes; one of the seconds fell out of the tree into which he had climbed for safety. Somerville Jour nal. - . . Cold. He I have been longing for this mo ment, Miss Flossie, when I can lay my burning heart at your feet Flossie Oh, it's very kind of yon'. My feet are so cold! Ally Sloper. Why She Discarded Him. -"Don't despair, Edward, even if fath er does say you'll be young enough to marry five years from now." "Oh, I don't care for myself, but how about you?" Philadelnhin Tim Hot the Same Wood. Lady Come back here! You prom ised to saw some wood if I gave you your dinner. Tramp Madam, I had reference to another lady's wood farther up the road. Good day. Charles Dickens and His Cat. Charles Dickens was a lover of ani mals, and had a special fondness for cats. One of his favorites, known for her devotion to Dickens as "the mas ter's cat," used to follow him about like a dog, and sit beside him while he wrote. One night Dickens was read ing at a small table by the light of a candle, with pussy, as usual, at hla elbow. Suddenly the light went out. Dickens was much Interested in his book, relighted the candle, going on reading. In a short time the ' light again became dim, and, turning sud denly, Dickens found puss deliberately; putting out roe canaie witn ner paw, and looking at him appealingly as she did so. Not till then did her master guess what was wrong. , The little creature felt neglected and wanted to be petted, and extinguishing the candle was the best device she could think of for bringing it about ' ' When a man gets angry his reason takes a short vacation. . , i; ; Any act is meritorious that Is not misfit