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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (March 22, 1901)
J. PIERPONT OtHtitltIHItttttltttttfftttt'l''''"''"t''ttttttfttt 1 t-frrttttt t UMttltHtIMH J. Plerpont Morgan, the new Industrial king of the United States, has risen so suddenly into that position that it will be some Time before the public generally will be able rightly to associate him with the power he really possesses. Mr. Mor gan's name has been so long and inti mately connected with banking that the old association will cling even in spite' of his recent stupendous operations in railroad and his just completed acquisi tion, for himself and his capitalist part ners, of the huge steel industries hitherto in the control of Andrew Carnegie. But Mr. Morgan has long been an injportant figure in the steel business, even if Mr. Carnegie's prime position in that field has served to obscure his rival's prominence. Hereafter the name of Morgan will con note railway empire in America and the mighty grind of iron and steel mills. The new industrial ruler is a native of Hartford, Conn. His father, James Mor gan, was a farmer boy who became a New England banker. The son was edu cated in Boston and in Germany and at the death of his father inherited a for tune of about $10,000,000. These figures represented the Morgan equity in the banking house of J. 8. Morgan & Co. of London and of Drexel, Morgan & Co. of New York. Pierpont ' Morgan married Miss Frances Tracy. He has three chil dren, Louisa and Annie and J. Pierpont, Jr., who attends to the business of the banking houses abroad. As an example of business capacity of a remarkable kind, Mr. Morgan is unparalleled. No great mental product of modern industry can Approach him. He is as capable as any of the Rothschilds in the money line and his recent achievements as an indus trial organizer surpass any similar feats performed by other operators in this country or abroad. Numerous organizers necessarily did much preparatory work. AS THE SUN WENT DOWN. After the din of the battle's roar, Just at the close of day, Wounded and bleeding upon the field. Two dying soldiers lay. One held a ringlet of thin gray -hair, One held a lock of brown. Bidding each other a last farewell. Just as the sun went down. Chorus: One thought of mother, at home alone, Feeble and old and gray; One of the sweetheart he left in town, Happy and yonng and gay, One kissed a ringlet of thin gray hair, One kissed a lock of brown; Bidding farewell to the Stars and Stripes Just as the sun went down. One knew the joys of a mother's love, One of a sweetheart fair; Thinking of home, they lay side by side, Breathing a farewell prayer, One for the mother so old and gray, One for his love in town. They closed their eyes to earth and skies Just as the sun went down. THEY WERE SWEETHEARTS ! a French window in a JQaeep armcnair, sat a woman, it was ereiiiug, aim a urizznng rain dampened the pane, but the woman stared straight ahead into the dark ness and seemed unconscious of the Immediate environments. None who knew her had ever sees her face lose Its sweet placidity, nor had they heard her words make a discord in the music of speech. She passed among her fellow-creatures dropping bits of sun shine, here and there as she went her way, looking toward the mysterious future. And now, as she sat there alone, a great calm fell over her, for the mission which she bad long sought bad at last come into her life. What should she do? The woman's eyes closed and she leaned her head back against the vel vet cushions of the chair. The ideal outlines of a face formed themselves on the curtain of her imagination a face neither handsome nor. imposing In appearance, but with coldly critical blue eyes and a sensitive tightening of the Hps; a face one could love for his frank boyishness. The blue eyes smil ed Into the eyes of the woman, and she sighed over her mission because the face was there. "Heaven give me strength," she mur mured, an alien passion stealing over her face; "It Is for him for him." Did she not see the sudden swinging aside of the door curtains, nor hear the confident stride across the thresh old? There was a pause, followed by a deep-voiced ejaculation of impatience as some one stumbled over a chair. The woman rose noiselessly and lighted the gas then smiled as the glare fell on the young man standing before her with his hands thrust deeply in his ' pockets. "1 beg pardon, Evelyn." he burst out, laughing good-naturedly as bis hand clasped hers. "What are you doing alone In this gloom? Don't I bring 'sunshine enough with me without you lightening up as I enter?" He threw himself into a chair. "What a night! Gloomy as the hours of midnight. I have the blues, Evelyn may I tell you all my troubles?" Evelyn Westland gazed down on the boyish face with strange wlstfulness. MORGAN, KINO OF FINANCIAL WORLD. I but the big achievements are his. The figures representing the wealth his mind directs in the railroad field are so vast as to be inconceivable. A row of ten figures will alone describe them in numbers of dollars. - The Morgans were early - associated with the Vanderbilts in the upbuilding and extension of the New York Central properties. In this work it was the mas ter intellect of 3. Pierpont Morgan which deftly manipulated those vast properties and brought them to their present effi ciency. The name which was associated with them was the name of Vanderbilt, but the mind that mastered the giant problems was the mind of " Morgan. Among the concrete results of Mr. Mor gan's intellectual labors have been the reorganization of the Buffalo and the West Shore, and its lease to the New York Central; the reorganization of the Chesapeake and Ohio; the rearrangement of the Great Southern and the reorgan ization of the Erie, and his influence has seemed like a gulf to her just then; he, was iu ms pume, wune sue sue iuew boy exclaimed, half passionately "yoj the sorrows of the world by heart. As tnink I am foolish to talk of love " he glanced-up, she smiled and shook 'No, I do not. Only why do" you her head. "I am ready to listen, Sever- aot go to her and tell her of your love ance; what has life been bringing to all your pain? She will listen to you you? Sadness? It seems impossible, 8ne must iisten to yo Bitterness of you have such a bright way of looking ten deprives love of Its joy, and the at care." j first sweet love dream Is often blight Severance Caulder sighed. "You have ed by one's own lack of confidence. Men ueeu a guou inenu to me, jcveiyn, ne saia, thoughtfully. - Ana wny snouian t i Der ; . times too light and gay, grief gnaws "Why? Because I am wayward and deep, and woes'are hard to bear Wom careless ana hot-headed; because I en are hard to nnrWstanrt-thi, v,o wound' you In a thousand nameless ways when I don't mean to; because you are good and sweet, and I am wick ed and restless." He spoke fervently, but Evelyn only crossed over and laid her hand upon his arm. "Hush; you speak foolishly. Tell me your cares, and let us leave your mis erable points out of the question," smiling down Into bis serious eyes. "Do you know only once In a man's life does he reach the stage of self criticism that Is when he Is In love. You see, I .have guessed your secret; ah. Severance, I guessed it long since, only you were afraid to trust me with it. Am I right?" "You are right!" What had come over the world just blacker than ever before. She felt then? To Evelyn it looked colder and blacker than ever before. She felt the blood slowly go from her face, and a chill grip seemed to seize her heart. He In love! The boy friend who. had always made her. his confidante. His heart was no longer free to tell her its trials, and yet she had no right to be jealous of the little bits of exchanged confidence. She was only a .friend to him and to. her he was "A woman is a good guesser," nhe said, still smiling, though her lips were white. "Come over here by the win dow where you can be more comforta ble; now, I am ready to listen." Her voice was guarded, even as her eyes were in the light. ' Caulder glanc ed over to. her and looked intently at her face for several minutes. "It has crept upon me unawares," he began slowly, "and yet I might have known in time to prevent it." Evelyn bent forward. "Is It so un happy?" He laughed bitterly unlike the frank, free-hearted boy of yesterday. "Unhappy? I do not know. . I am wretched; I feel so lonely, Evelyn." "Oh, Severance!"- There was a tre mor In her voice. Even in that hour a black shadow passed over her heart All the sunshine went out of her life and she wondered if her loneliness was not deeper than his. "what else have tou to sat?" " i; been felt by the Pacific system. Borne of the achievements which he made inci dents to his money and railroad business are the present efficiency of the China and Japan carrying trade, the consolida tion of the Western Union Telegraph and the American Bell Telephone companies, the combination of the coffin producing and steel industries, and his launching of the new Edison process of magnetic iron ore separation. Mr. Morgan is fond of the good things of life, although his most intense pleasures are derived from the exercise of his functions as a business man. - He scatters wealth among chari ties with a lavish hand. - He likes fine paintings and rare books. He has a copy of the great folio Shakspeare of 1U23. and a Mazarin Bible. He is a good church member, smokes expensive cigars, likes steam yachts, good dogs, fine horses, and, in short, by no means spends all his time dreaming of, new combina tions in business or of the price of money in the great markets of -Che world. "You you are angry with me. the should never blame never blame a woman if she sometimes appears cold, .and at other are tied in every emotion; their life is masked. Caulder rose and stood in the midd'.c of the room. Evelyn followed bis x ample. "Will you go to her?" she asked gent ly. He stared at her half sullenly much as a boy would look at an older sister who had corrected him. "Are you sure I will not regret speak ing to her?" he questioned, after, a pause. . "I trust not, I believe not. God help you." She held out her hands im'pul sively. He took them in. his own; he hands were cold, although she candid ly returned bis glance. "What else have you to say. Eve lyn?" There was a tenderness In his tone. . What had she not to say? Should she tell him how her life would be a blank without him? How he had crept into her heart with bis boyish eyes and smile? How the woman who beard his troubles and comforted him in his first pain was starving for the young love he had bestowed on some fall one? No, she could not tell him all the bitter truth! She was conscious of t choking sensation -which prevented speech; her glance fell lower and lowei until if rested on the rug at her feet She knew her fingers closed around bi Impulsively with a sudden dread of bis leaving her- forever. "I-have this to say to you" she breathed the words slowly "will you still let me be your friend, or will she who has won your love be both sweet heart and friend?" What had her voice betrayed? Sin felt her hands suddenly pressed against a warm, unbearded cheek, and a voice which thrilled her with awe spoke bet name. "She who has won my heart Is my friend," he said softly, "and" draw ing the slight figure into his arms "will she be my sweetheart, too?" She was a woman with a mission and yet, as she glanced up into those earnest eyes, her Hps were raised to meet his kiss half way. Women Workers in France. A recent volume treating of the work of women in France gives this table of women workers in that country: Phy sicians,450; authors, 519; artists and sculptressess ,3,500; singers and actress es, 3,000; nurses, 13,000; milliners, 30. 000; government employes, .50,000; members of religious orders, 95,000; teachers, 100,000; in business houses. 245,000; landowners, 500,000; factory girls,575,000; domestic servants, 650, 000; seamstresses, 950,000; farm labor era. 1700,000. When a girl Is first In love, she buys very expensive note paper to write to Him on, hut after the engagement is an eld affair, she writes her notes an margins of newspapers, or on the butcher's wrapping paper. A boy's first trousers and a man's first love are soon outgrown. - REPTILES OF GUIANA THEY ARE FOUND GALORE THE DUTCH COLONY. IN Abundance of Snakes of Almost Every Una sal Variety Many .Harmless Ones, bat Many More of Stoat Venom ous Type Are Kncoaatsred. "Speaking of snakes," said mining engineer, "I do not think there is a pot on the face of this earth to equal Dutch Guiana in that respect There they, have large snakes and small snakes, red snakes and green snakes, amber-colored snakes ' and golden snakes, snakes harmless and snakes deadly, round-beaded snakes and flat-' beaded snakes, and snakes ranging through the entire list of colors from mud gray to striped orange and red. "If you are a tenderfoot in the coun try, before you leave Paramaribo for the gold fields in the jungle the natives will warn you against the snakes. On the .way to the fields. 400 miles up the river iu a canoe, you can shoot a dozen or more water snakes if you are watch ful. Once in camp and accustomed to precautions, before you get.. Into your I hammock at night you turn It Inside out to oust a possible parrot snake that may have taken kindly to your bed. During the night if you are called upon to leave camp you pick your way along the jungle trail with a lantern neld low to light every Inch your feet traverse. In the morning when you come to the embers of your camp fire you will find a bunch of snakes curled up around one another to keep off the chill of the night' Ip the warm ashes. And so it is, snakes, snakes, snakes. Throughout 40,000 square miles of jungle It is one continuous snake paradise. "Barring death" by jungle fever, more miners and prospectors are annually taken off by snake bites than by any other cause. Human life in that coun try means less than it does here, and so It is that mine owners do not compel their negroes to wear shoes, and so it Is also that In the brushwood surround ing some of the older camps there are scattered mounds bearing neither name nor inscription, but pointed out oc casionally by veteran miners as the place of 'So and So, poor devil, bitten by a snake.' "One of the most harmless and one of the prettiest snakes In Dutch Guiana is the parrot snake. He is a little three foot araugement, grass-green, pink eyed, and, among snakes," probably the most knowing. These little chaps are often found In camps. Their only ob jection is that they wriggle when you lie down on them. They become very tame if encouraged, and take readily to civilization and sugar. In return for their board they, keep the camps clear of mice and spiders. "But for each variety of harmless snake in Dutch Guiana there are five of the most venomous type. These are known by their flat, triangular heads, and. by their . sluggishness. - A poison ous snake rarely moves out of the way of an intruder. He! waits to strike, and, If he strikes, recovery depends on what antidote nyty be at hand. For this rea son every white miner and every fore man over a gang of men carries in his hunting bag a bottle, of concentrated ammonia and a tourniquet. The pre caution taken by white ; men in that jungle against snake bites Is to wear thick woolen socks and high-laced boots. . Others, in preference to wear ing heavy boots, use leggings made of canvas" lined with strips of whalebone. Through these protections It" Is impos sible for a snake to strike deep enough into the flesh to insert venom. Many an old pair of boots scarred with snake bites is treasured as a memento by Its owner. But It Is when men grow care less and discard their protections that they are dangerously bitten. "When a man has been struck no time is taken t.o suck the poison out of the wound. Nine times out of ten the wound Is in the leg below the knee. The tourniquet is slung about the leg above the wound, and. after being drawn tight without waiting to suck the poison from the wound; ammonia is applied. From time to time the tourni quet is loosened to allow part of the poison to work into the system, but no more than the system can take care of at one time. In this way the entire poison is gradually worn out by the system instead of getting In Its full deadly force at once." FOUND HIS COAT OF ARMS. Western Millionaire 'Was Not Anxious to Inquire Into Ancestral Record. A man who had been west for sever al years accumulating a large fortune returned to New York a short time ago with his family and resumed his resi dence in this city. Before he left New York he had had a vague idea that he was a man of family; that his ancestry was something to look back upon with pride, and that It entitled him to no mean position in society. Out in the wild and woolly Occident, in his strenu ous endeavorto increase his pile, geneal ogy was farthest from his thoughts. He had not long resumed his residence in New York before his wife and daughters began fo go out Through constant urging on the part of his wife and daughters he finally decided to look up his tree in the hope of discovering the family crest - A firm which dealt in genealogy and heraldry for an ap propriate fee fitted him out with a tree rooted in royalty and budding out with the flower of the land, and also a coat of arms consisting of a sheep In golden fleece rampant with two eagles dupli cate in an azure field. The wife and daughters bubbled over with delight and- could hardly wait for the embla zoning of the crest Paterfamilias was somewhat skeptical, however, and sought the counsel of a friend who ad vised him to look up his tree and verify it at the New York Historical society. He set to work with a will and after several weeks' labor had traced back his ancestry for four generations, but as yet had found nothing In the way of antecedent to be especially proud. The librarian was becoming a, bit testy at the incessant demand- for- records and historical works and one day, in reply to a request for something of an earlier date, almost snapped out;, .... "Why don't you try the records of the general quarter sessions court?" "Good idea," said the man in search ax ancestral Knowledge, ana he was soon poring over the parchment-bound tomes. "This Is the real thine." he said to himself after fifty pages of Stuyve sants. Van Rensselaers, Van Brunts, De Peystera. etc.. recorded as ludo-e. mayors, aldermen and Jurors. He was confident that be would soon be at the root of the tree and bis confidence was not misplaced. When asked at home what success he had met with he recited: 'The ' really aDDroDt-iate heraldic design for our family crest would be a gallows rampant with an ancestor pendant and any quanity of crows in azure neld." New York Evenlne Sun. GOOD Short Storie$ An officer now a patient In No. 2 Of ficers' Hospital at Pretoria, relates this characteristic anecdote of Lord Kitch ener: "The other day he stopped an officer in the streets of Pretoria who was wearing a single eye-glass. He said: 'Excuse me. but do you think It abso lutely necessary for your sight to wear that glass T The officer replied. 'Yes. sir; certainly.' Lord Kitchner said. 'I am particular to have officers with good sight only in Pretoria. You will report yourself for duty on lines of communi cation at the office of the R. S. O., at five o'clock.' Collapse of officer." One night, when the attendance in a small town in the French provinces was especially bad, Sarah Bernhardt,. bored by the small size of the audience and its stupidity, resolved to make the, most or it. xne play was "CaniUle," but. Instead of speaking the' lines as Dumas wrote them, Sarah made up the play as she went along. Interpolating such opinions as, from minute to min ute, she had of the audience. She called them unutterable things, and in a high ly, dramatic way. The innocents ap plauded these sentiments vigorously, upon which she called them something worse. The late John J. Bagley, during his second successful campaign on the Re publican ticket for Governor of Michi gan, spoke one evening at Kalamazoo, and at the beginning of his remarks be alluded frankly to bis lack of oratorical gifts. After he had finished, a man pushed forward, grasped his hand warmly, and said: "Governor, 1 have been a life-long Democrat, but at the coming election I shall vote for you." "Thank you," replied the Governor, much gratified; "may I ask the particu lar reason for yonr change?" "Because you are the first speaker on either side in this campaign that I have heard tell the truths You said when you began that you couldn't make much of a speech, and. by jinks,, you can't!" Talleyrand's wife was the reverse of brilliant, and he used to excuse his mar riage on the ground that "clever women may compromise their husbands, stupid women only -compromise themselves." One day the famous traveler, M. Denon, was expected to dinner, and Talleyrand conjured1 madame to pre pare herself for sensible conversation by looking over Devon's works. Un fortunately, on her way to the library, madame forgot the name. She could only remember It ended In "on." The librarian smilingly handed her a Copy of "Robinson Crusoe." Madame easily mastered Its contents, and at table astonished her guest by exclaiming: "Mon Dieu, monsieur, what joy you must have felt in your island when you found Friday!" John Knapp, of the St. Louis Repub lican, had little use for press agents, and it took a mighty shrewd man to get a free puff from him. He never would publish a lawyer's or a doctor's name If he could avoid It, for they might de rive some benefit from the free adver tisement' It is said that one morning mention was made in the Republican they call it the Republic now of a man having died of Bright' s disease. Old man Knapp hunted up the proof-reader, and called him Into the private office. "Why did yen let that gjet into the pa per?" asked the old man, indicating with his forefinger the objectionable paragraph. "I don't see but that's all right," said the reader. "You don't, eh?" snapped old man Knapp "you don't, eh? Do you think we want to ad vertise that' man Bright for nothing? He never had an 'ad' In this paper in his life?" Gold Found. A curious discovery has been made during the dredging operations at the mouths of Morlay and Sboalhaven Rivers in New South Wales. These rivers run through an auriferous dis trict, and at the estuary sand bars and alluvium are deposited. This obstruc tion has to be constantly removed by dredges In order to allow the channels of the rivers to be kept open for na vigation. This mud - was then taken out to sea In hoppers and discharged. A workman one day. Impressed by the curious nature of the soil, panned a lit tle off, and was surprised to find a small sediment of gold dust. He com municated his discovery, to the authori ties, and further investigations proved that the alluvium was freely charged with this metal. It was therefore de cided to extract this gold, and the mud is now run through an automatic gold saver before being dumped into the sea. It is anticipated that the quantity of gold recovered by this means will de fray the total cost of the dredging operations. .1 A Scientific Scrap Book. L. O. Howard, chief of the division of entomology, felt somewhat flattered at receiving one day a letter from a gen tleman asking him to send a copy of his report. Mr. Howard replied promptly, and asked to which particular report his correspondent- referred. The answer came: "Am not particular which one you send. I want It for a scrap-book." Home-Grown fjnster. "Then", you don't bank much on an cestral pride?" - - ". "No; it is more to a man's credit to start from nowhere and be somebody than to start from somewhere and be nobody." Indianapolis Journal. 0TJB BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO INGS HERE AND THERE, Jokes and Jokslets that Are Bapyosed to Have Been Recently Bora Sayings and Doings that Arc Old, Car iona and Laughs ble-Th Week's Hnmor. "Polly, dear, suppose I were to shoot at a tree with five birds on it, and kill three, how many would there be left?" Polly (aged 6) Three, please. Teacher No two would be left Polly No, there wouldn't. The three shot would be left and the other two would be flied away. Tit-Bits. The Roicfa BlnfT. Mistress Honora. didn't I see Mr. Skyler kiss you this morning? Maid I'm astonished. Mrs. Skyler, that you should think of such a thing! Mr. Skyler of all men! Why. you know. he never kisses even vou. Boston Transcript. A Gord Hani. Edith How was the season at Bar Harbor? Mabel Just lovely! I got eight en gagement rings and only three had to be returned. He Puts Men to Sleep. "My brother, the prize fighter, has put a dozen men to sleep." "That's nothing. My brother, the preacher, puts the whole congregation to sleep. Cold. He 1 have been longing for this mo ment Miss Flossie, when I can lay my burning heart at your feet. Flossie Oh. it's very good of you my feet are so cold. Ally Sloper. The Point of View. Parson Will you hab her for bettab er woss? Isaac Well, sah, I dunno. My folks say it's woss and her folks say It's bet tah. Accounting for Their Activity. Mr. Hayseed These New Yorkers jes' rush theirselves to death. Why on earth do they kill themselves that way? Mrs. Hayseed Land sakes! they've got to. Think of the rents they pay. New York Weekly. - A Regular Thinsr. "Daughter," said Mr. Giddings, "is that young Mr. Dinsmore a man of regular habits?" "Oh. yes, papa," replied Miss Gid dings. "He proposes regularly every Thursday night." Detroit Free Press. Information Always on Tap, "Josiah," said Mrs. Chugwater, "when one of the big battleships ruus aground how do they get it off?" "They pull it off with a tug of war," answered Mr. Chugwater. "f should think you'd know enough to know that." Chicago Tribune. Recoarn'asid the American. Judge Hicks, of Minneapolis, being in London, inquired his way of a police man. "You're from Hamerica?" "Yes, sir." "You can't Mde the haccent." Boston Christian Register. Ran the High Bali Fusillade. Mother My dear boy, I'm. so glad to have you home again. I suppose you were where the balls were thickest? Soldier Son Yes, mother; the high balls. ' To Be Exp-ctrd. "You fellows," complained the King f Beasts, "don't seem to be properly Impressed when I start to describe my adventures." . "Ah!" replied the diplomatic hvFnu. 'your stories are wonderful, but then we know you are a lion." Hampered. "Ida never talks slang." "Then that's it. I wondered why It was she could never make herself un derstood." Philadelphia Bulletin. Fore wa rned. "You can't believe more than half you hear." "Which half of what you tell me shall I believe?" reliehtfnl Man. He Going shopping, Miss Vander velt? . She Yes. I'm going to buy some pretty pictures for my room. He Why don't you buy a half-dozen mirrors? Then you would see a pretty picture whichever way you turned. Summerville Journal. Night in Cnic-igo. Conductor Why didn't you .stop for them three fellers that signaled? Motorman I got my week's sa'lary in me pocket and you bet I ain't takin' chances like that! Puck. Punished "What are you reading, DorieV" "Papa's poems." "Been naughty?" Punch. ' The Sequel. - . "That settles It, Danks. Our land lady has beeb reading about Loeb's salt cure." - "What now?" "We'll get salt herring breakfasts every morning until the berry season." Philadelphia North American. - - . Bad Form. "Listen!" be whispered. Marjorie pressed his hand softly. "Not now!" she said. "It is bad form to listen while the piano is playing!" Detroit Journal. Foo l, Not Work. Farmer's Wife Why don't you eat that piece of steak I sent out for you? Tramp (Indignantly) I didn't ask for. work, ma'am; I asked for something to eat. Pick-Me-Up. ... Gets Up fr.arly. ' "" Jimmy What time do yer have tet get ter work? Johnny Oh, any time I like as long as I ain't later than 7 o'clock. Harpe.' Bazar. In Missouri. Clerk That train robber says he won't pay, his bill. Missouri Grocer Well, then, I i.up pose we'll have, to garnishee the rail road company. Puck. His Reason. "Why should a woman take a man's name when she marries him?" "Well, as long as she takes every thing else, she might-as well rake that, too. Philadelphia Press. Mens of Appropriat on. "Mr. Sinipkins and our daugnter must be engaged." "Do they seem fond of each other?" "No; but he has begun to find fault with her." No Wonder. ' " Barnestorm Yes; poor Ranter has; gone crazy as a loon. The part he had to play was too much for him. Buskin What was he playing, Jekyll and Hyde? Barnestorm No; "Monte Cristo," at $12 per week and six weeks' salary due. One Point of D fference. ' "What's the matter with you?" asked the sympathetic friend; "an attack ot grip?" "N.o. this isn't grip. I haven't time to stay at home and send for a doctor. This is simply a bad cold." Washing ton Tost Too Bad. Mrs. Mann That young Mr. Childers is dead. It was awfully sudden. Isn't it too bad? Mr. Mann And he was g.-tting along so famously at coloring . his Jieer schaum. Transcript. Getting: at His Finances. Owner--Here! What are you doing in my safe? Flrvt Thou lit. "What animal is it that is web-fooled, Tommie?" " "The. spider, ma'am." Yonkers Statesman. Their Verdict. . Judge Gentlemen of the Jury, what is your verdict? a Irish Foreman We folnd that the mon who stole the horse is not guilty. ' A Drea lfnl tate of Aff ira. He Well, we can't believe more than half we hear. She Oh, worse than that; I can't be lieve more than half I say. Life. Pa ho Mixed with the Hnmor. - "Was the amateur play a drama or a farce? "Well, it was billed as a drama, but it was a farce before they got through."--Pniladelpbia Bulletin. Conspicuous tiravert. Friend Stormington is a heroic actor. isn't he? . . Comedian You bet he is! Why, oit several occasions I've seen him keep right on acting till he was tiled upon!" Puck. An Inconsistent T.iar. Bosling Oh, well, all horse dealers are more or less tricky. Gosling Yes, but this one was the most bold-faced liar I ever saw. First, he told me the horse was perfectly sound, and in the very next breath he admitted it was well-broken. Philadel phia Press. Both. - Dr. Ende There's nothing serious the matter with Patsy, Mrs. Mulcahy. I think a" little soap and water will do him as much good as anything. Mrs. Mulcahy Yis, doctlier; an' will Oi give it V him befoor or afther bis males? Leslie's Weekly. A Sympathetic Memory. In a western Massachusetts town lived a young woman who is blessed with both discrimination and tact The first of these admirable quali ties she has displayed by her two mar riages. Her first husband was a min ister a most delightful man; he died, and after a lapse of five or six years she was united to his only brother, who was a successful lawyer in New York. - On her library desk stands a picture of the first p'artner of her joys and sor rows, and one day a curious caller ask ed whom the- photograph represented. "That," said the hostess, with evl- '. dent emotion, "Is a picture of my bus band's brother,! who died eight years ago, and who was very dear to us both!" A Big Sponge. The largest sponge ever sent to mar ket was from the Mediterranean. .It was ten feet in circumference and three in diameter. The First Rule. New Boarder Can I get my meals on time? Landlady No; you will have to pay In advance. Harlem Life. - '