J. PIERPONT
OtHtitltIHItttttltttttfftttt'l''''"''"t''ttttttfttt 1 t-frrttttt t UMttltHtIMH
J. Plerpont Morgan, the new Industrial
king of the United States, has risen so
suddenly into that position that it will
be some Time before the public generally
will be able rightly to associate him with
the power he really possesses. Mr. Mor
gan's name has been so long and inti
mately connected with banking that the
old association will cling even in spite'
of his recent stupendous operations in
railroad and his just completed acquisi
tion, for himself and his capitalist part
ners, of the huge steel industries hitherto
in the control of Andrew Carnegie. But
Mr. Morgan has long been an injportant
figure in the steel business, even if Mr.
Carnegie's prime position in that field has
served to obscure his rival's prominence.
Hereafter the name of Morgan will con
note railway empire in America and the
mighty grind of iron and steel mills.
The new industrial ruler is a native of
Hartford, Conn. His father, James Mor
gan, was a farmer boy who became a
New England banker. The son was edu
cated in Boston and in Germany and at
the death of his father inherited a for
tune of about $10,000,000. These figures
represented the Morgan equity in the
banking house of J. 8. Morgan & Co. of
London and of Drexel, Morgan & Co. of
New York. Pierpont ' Morgan married
Miss Frances Tracy. He has three chil
dren, Louisa and Annie and J. Pierpont,
Jr., who attends to the business of the
banking houses abroad. As an example
of business capacity of a remarkable
kind, Mr. Morgan is unparalleled. No
great mental product of modern industry
can Approach him. He is as capable as
any of the Rothschilds in the money line
and his recent achievements as an indus
trial organizer surpass any similar feats
performed by other operators in this
country or abroad. Numerous organizers
necessarily did much preparatory work.
AS THE SUN WENT DOWN.
After the din of the battle's roar,
Just at the close of day,
Wounded and bleeding upon the field.
Two dying soldiers lay.
One held a ringlet of thin gray -hair,
One held a lock of brown.
Bidding each other a last farewell.
Just as the sun went down.
Chorus:
One thought of mother, at home alone,
Feeble and old and gray;
One of the sweetheart he left in town,
Happy and yonng and gay,
One kissed a ringlet of thin gray hair,
One kissed a lock of brown;
Bidding farewell to the Stars and Stripes
Just as the sun went down.
One knew the joys of a mother's love,
One of a sweetheart fair;
Thinking of home, they lay side by side,
Breathing a farewell prayer,
One for the mother so old and gray,
One for his love in town.
They closed their eyes to earth and skies
Just as the sun went down.
THEY WERE SWEETHEARTS !
a French window in a
JQaeep armcnair, sat a woman, it
was ereiiiug, aim a urizznng rain
dampened the pane, but the woman
stared straight ahead into the dark
ness and seemed unconscious of the
Immediate environments. None who
knew her had ever sees her face lose
Its sweet placidity, nor had they heard
her words make a discord in the music
of speech. She passed among her fellow-creatures
dropping bits of sun
shine, here and there as she went her
way, looking toward the mysterious
future.
And now, as she sat there alone, a
great calm fell over her, for the mission
which she bad long sought bad at last
come into her life. What should she
do? The woman's eyes closed and she
leaned her head back against the vel
vet cushions of the chair. The ideal
outlines of a face formed themselves
on the curtain of her imagination a
face neither handsome nor. imposing In
appearance, but with coldly critical
blue eyes and a sensitive tightening of
the Hps; a face one could love for his
frank boyishness. The blue eyes smil
ed Into the eyes of the woman, and she
sighed over her mission because the
face was there.
"Heaven give me strength," she mur
mured, an alien passion stealing over
her face; "It Is for him for him."
Did she not see the sudden swinging
aside of the door curtains, nor hear
the confident stride across the thresh
old? There was a pause, followed by a
deep-voiced ejaculation of impatience
as some one stumbled over a chair.
The woman rose noiselessly and lighted
the gas then smiled as the glare fell
on the young man standing before her
with his hands thrust deeply in his
' pockets.
"1 beg pardon, Evelyn." he burst out,
laughing good-naturedly as bis hand
clasped hers. "What are you doing
alone In this gloom? Don't I bring
'sunshine enough with me without you
lightening up as I enter?" He threw
himself into a chair. "What a night!
Gloomy as the hours of midnight. I
have the blues, Evelyn may I tell you
all my troubles?"
Evelyn Westland gazed down on the
boyish face with strange wlstfulness.
MORGAN,
KINO OF FINANCIAL WORLD. I
but the big achievements are his. The
figures representing the wealth his mind
directs in the railroad field are so vast as
to be inconceivable. A row of ten figures
will alone describe them in numbers of
dollars.
- The Morgans were early - associated
with the Vanderbilts in the upbuilding
and extension of the New York Central
properties. In this work it was the mas
ter intellect of 3. Pierpont Morgan which
deftly manipulated those vast properties
and brought them to their present effi
ciency. The name which was associated
with them was the name of Vanderbilt,
but the mind that mastered the giant
problems was the mind of " Morgan.
Among the concrete results of Mr. Mor
gan's intellectual labors have been the
reorganization of the Buffalo and the
West Shore, and its lease to the New
York Central; the reorganization of the
Chesapeake and Ohio; the rearrangement
of the Great Southern and the reorgan
ization of the Erie, and his influence has
seemed like a gulf to her just then; he,
was iu ms pume, wune sue sue iuew boy exclaimed, half passionately "yoj
the sorrows of the world by heart. As tnink I am foolish to talk of love "
he glanced-up, she smiled and shook 'No, I do not. Only why do" you
her head. "I am ready to listen, Sever- aot go to her and tell her of your love
ance; what has life been bringing to all your pain? She will listen to you
you? Sadness? It seems impossible, 8ne must iisten to yo Bitterness of
you have such a bright way of looking ten deprives love of Its joy, and the
at care." j first sweet love dream Is often blight
Severance Caulder sighed. "You have ed by one's own lack of confidence. Men
ueeu a guou inenu to me, jcveiyn, ne
saia, thoughtfully. -
Ana wny snouian t i Der ; . times too light and gay, grief gnaws
"Why? Because I am wayward and deep, and woes'are hard to bear Wom
careless ana hot-headed; because I en are hard to nnrWstanrt-thi, v,o
wound' you In a thousand nameless
ways when I don't mean to; because
you are good and sweet, and I am wick
ed and restless." He spoke fervently,
but Evelyn only crossed over and laid
her hand upon his arm.
"Hush; you speak foolishly. Tell me
your cares, and let us leave your mis
erable points out of the question,"
smiling down Into bis serious eyes.
"Do you know only once In a man's
life does he reach the stage of self
criticism that Is when he Is In love.
You see, I .have guessed your secret;
ah. Severance, I guessed it long since,
only you were afraid to trust me with
it. Am I right?"
"You are right!"
What had come over the world just
blacker than ever before. She felt
then? To Evelyn it looked colder and
blacker than ever before. She felt the
blood slowly go from her face, and a
chill grip seemed to seize her heart.
He In love! The boy friend who. had
always made her. his confidante. His
heart was no longer free to tell her its
trials, and yet she had no right to be
jealous of the little bits of exchanged
confidence. She was only a .friend to
him and to. her he was
"A woman is a good guesser," nhe
said, still smiling, though her lips were
white. "Come over here by the win
dow where you can be more comforta
ble; now, I am ready to listen."
Her voice was guarded, even as her
eyes were in the light. ' Caulder glanc
ed over to. her and looked intently at
her face for several minutes.
"It has crept upon me unawares,"
he began slowly, "and yet I might have
known in time to prevent it."
Evelyn bent forward. "Is It so un
happy?"
He laughed bitterly unlike the
frank, free-hearted boy of yesterday.
"Unhappy? I do not know. . I am
wretched; I feel so lonely, Evelyn."
"Oh, Severance!"- There was a tre
mor In her voice. Even in that hour
a black shadow passed over her heart
All the sunshine went out of her life
and she wondered if her loneliness was
not deeper than his.
"what else have tou to sat?"
" i;
been felt by the Pacific system. Borne of
the achievements which he made inci
dents to his money and railroad business
are the present efficiency of the China
and Japan carrying trade, the consolida
tion of the Western Union Telegraph and
the American Bell Telephone companies,
the combination of the coffin producing
and steel industries, and his launching of
the new Edison process of magnetic iron
ore separation. Mr. Morgan is fond of
the good things of life, although his most
intense pleasures are derived from the
exercise of his functions as a business
man. - He scatters wealth among chari
ties with a lavish hand. - He likes fine
paintings and rare books. He has a copy
of the great folio Shakspeare of 1U23.
and a Mazarin Bible. He is a good
church member, smokes expensive cigars,
likes steam yachts, good dogs, fine
horses, and, in short, by no means spends
all his time dreaming of, new combina
tions in business or of the price of money
in the great markets of -Che world.
"You you are angry with me.
the
should never blame
never blame a woman if she
sometimes appears cold, .and at other
are tied in every emotion; their life is
masked.
Caulder rose and stood in the midd'.c
of the room. Evelyn followed bis x
ample.
"Will you go to her?" she asked gent
ly.
He stared at her half sullenly much
as a boy would look at an older sister
who had corrected him.
"Are you sure I will not regret speak
ing to her?" he questioned, after, a
pause. .
"I trust not, I believe not. God help
you." She held out her hands im'pul
sively. He took them in. his own; he
hands were cold, although she candid
ly returned bis glance.
"What else have you to say. Eve
lyn?" There was a tenderness In his
tone. .
What had she not to say? Should she
tell him how her life would be a blank
without him? How he had crept into
her heart with bis boyish eyes and
smile? How the woman who beard
his troubles and comforted him in his
first pain was starving for the young
love he had bestowed on some fall
one? No, she could not tell him all the
bitter truth! She was conscious of t
choking sensation -which prevented
speech; her glance fell lower and lowei
until if rested on the rug at her feet
She knew her fingers closed around bi
Impulsively with a sudden dread of bis
leaving her- forever.
"I-have this to say to you" she
breathed the words slowly "will you
still let me be your friend, or will she
who has won your love be both sweet
heart and friend?"
What had her voice betrayed? Sin
felt her hands suddenly pressed against
a warm, unbearded cheek, and a voice
which thrilled her with awe spoke bet
name.
"She who has won my heart Is my
friend," he said softly, "and" draw
ing the slight figure into his arms
"will she be my sweetheart, too?"
She was a woman with a mission
and yet, as she glanced up into those
earnest eyes, her Hps were raised to
meet his kiss half way.
Women Workers in France.
A recent volume treating of the work
of women in France gives this table of
women workers in that country: Phy
sicians,450; authors, 519; artists and
sculptressess ,3,500; singers and actress
es, 3,000; nurses, 13,000; milliners, 30.
000; government employes, .50,000;
members of religious orders, 95,000;
teachers, 100,000; in business houses.
245,000; landowners, 500,000; factory
girls,575,000; domestic servants, 650,
000; seamstresses, 950,000; farm labor
era. 1700,000.
When a girl Is first In love, she buys
very expensive note paper to write to
Him on, hut after the engagement is
an eld affair, she writes her notes an
margins of newspapers, or on the
butcher's wrapping paper.
A boy's first trousers and a man's
first love are soon outgrown. -
REPTILES OF GUIANA
THEY ARE FOUND GALORE
THE DUTCH COLONY.
IN
Abundance of Snakes of Almost Every
Una sal Variety Many .Harmless
Ones, bat Many More of Stoat Venom
ous Type Are Kncoaatsred.
"Speaking of snakes," said mining
engineer, "I do not think there is a
pot on the face of this earth to equal
Dutch Guiana in that respect There
they, have large snakes and small
snakes, red snakes and green snakes,
amber-colored snakes ' and golden
snakes, snakes harmless and snakes
deadly, round-beaded snakes and flat-'
beaded snakes, and snakes ranging
through the entire list of colors from
mud gray to striped orange and red.
"If you are a tenderfoot in the coun
try, before you leave Paramaribo for
the gold fields in the jungle the natives
will warn you against the snakes. On
the .way to the fields. 400 miles up the
river iu a canoe, you can shoot a dozen
or more water snakes if you are watch
ful. Once in camp and accustomed to
precautions, before you get.. Into your
I hammock at night you turn It Inside
out to oust a possible parrot snake that
may have taken kindly to your bed.
During the night if you are called upon
to leave camp you pick your way along
the jungle trail with a lantern neld low
to light every Inch your feet traverse.
In the morning when you come to the
embers of your camp fire you will find
a bunch of snakes curled up around
one another to keep off the chill of the
night' Ip the warm ashes. And so it is,
snakes, snakes, snakes. Throughout
40,000 square miles of jungle It is one
continuous snake paradise.
"Barring death" by jungle fever, more
miners and prospectors are annually
taken off by snake bites than by any
other cause. Human life in that coun
try means less than it does here, and
so It is that mine owners do not compel
their negroes to wear shoes, and so it
Is also that In the brushwood surround
ing some of the older camps there are
scattered mounds bearing neither name
nor inscription, but pointed out oc
casionally by veteran miners as the
place of 'So and So, poor devil, bitten
by a snake.'
"One of the most harmless and one
of the prettiest snakes In Dutch Guiana
is the parrot snake. He is a little three
foot araugement, grass-green, pink
eyed, and, among snakes," probably the
most knowing. These little chaps are
often found In camps. Their only ob
jection is that they wriggle when you
lie down on them. They become very
tame if encouraged, and take readily
to civilization and sugar. In return
for their board they, keep the camps
clear of mice and spiders.
"But for each variety of harmless
snake in Dutch Guiana there are five
of the most venomous type. These are
known by their flat, triangular heads,
and. by their . sluggishness. - A poison
ous snake rarely moves out of the way
of an intruder. He! waits to strike, and,
If he strikes, recovery depends on what
antidote nyty be at hand. For this rea
son every white miner and every fore
man over a gang of men carries in his
hunting bag a bottle, of concentrated
ammonia and a tourniquet. The pre
caution taken by white ; men in that
jungle against snake bites Is to wear
thick woolen socks and high-laced
boots. . Others, in preference to wear
ing heavy boots, use leggings made of
canvas" lined with strips of whalebone.
Through these protections It" Is impos
sible for a snake to strike deep enough
into the flesh to insert venom. Many
an old pair of boots scarred with snake
bites is treasured as a memento by Its
owner. But It Is when men grow care
less and discard their protections that
they are dangerously bitten.
"When a man has been struck no
time is taken t.o suck the poison out of
the wound. Nine times out of ten the
wound Is in the leg below the knee.
The tourniquet is slung about the leg
above the wound, and. after being
drawn tight without waiting to suck
the poison from the wound; ammonia is
applied. From time to time the tourni
quet is loosened to allow part of the
poison to work into the system, but no
more than the system can take care of
at one time. In this way the entire
poison is gradually worn out by the
system instead of getting In Its full
deadly force at once."
FOUND HIS COAT OF ARMS.
Western Millionaire 'Was Not Anxious
to Inquire Into Ancestral Record.
A man who had been west for sever
al years accumulating a large fortune
returned to New York a short time ago
with his family and resumed his resi
dence in this city. Before he left New
York he had had a vague idea that he
was a man of family; that his ancestry
was something to look back upon with
pride, and that It entitled him to no
mean position in society. Out in the
wild and woolly Occident, in his strenu
ous endeavorto increase his pile, geneal
ogy was farthest from his thoughts.
He had not long resumed his residence
in New York before his wife and
daughters began fo go out Through
constant urging on the part of his wife
and daughters he finally decided to look
up his tree in the hope of discovering
the family crest - A firm which dealt
in genealogy and heraldry for an ap
propriate fee fitted him out with a tree
rooted in royalty and budding out with
the flower of the land, and also a coat
of arms consisting of a sheep In golden
fleece rampant with two eagles dupli
cate in an azure field. The wife and
daughters bubbled over with delight
and- could hardly wait for the embla
zoning of the crest Paterfamilias was
somewhat skeptical, however, and
sought the counsel of a friend who ad
vised him to look up his tree and verify
it at the New York Historical society.
He set to work with a will and after
several weeks' labor had traced back
his ancestry for four generations, but
as yet had found nothing In the way of
antecedent to be especially proud. The
librarian was becoming a, bit testy at
the incessant demand- for- records and
historical works and one day, in reply
to a request for something of an earlier
date, almost snapped out;, ....
"Why don't you try the records of the
general quarter sessions court?"
"Good idea," said the man in search
ax ancestral Knowledge, ana he was
soon poring over the parchment-bound
tomes. "This Is the real thine." he said
to himself after fifty pages of Stuyve
sants. Van Rensselaers, Van Brunts,
De Peystera. etc.. recorded as ludo-e.
mayors, aldermen and Jurors. He was
confident that be would soon be at the
root of the tree and bis confidence was
not misplaced.
When asked at home what success
he had met with he recited:
'The ' really aDDroDt-iate heraldic
design for our family crest would be a
gallows rampant with an ancestor
pendant and any quanity of crows in
azure neld." New York Evenlne
Sun.
GOOD
Short Storie$
An officer now a patient In No. 2 Of
ficers' Hospital at Pretoria, relates this
characteristic anecdote of Lord Kitch
ener: "The other day he stopped an
officer in the streets of Pretoria who was
wearing a single eye-glass. He said:
'Excuse me. but do you think It abso
lutely necessary for your sight to wear
that glass T The officer replied. 'Yes.
sir; certainly.' Lord Kitchner said. 'I
am particular to have officers with good
sight only in Pretoria. You will report
yourself for duty on lines of communi
cation at the office of the R. S. O., at
five o'clock.' Collapse of officer."
One night, when the attendance in a
small town in the French provinces
was especially bad, Sarah Bernhardt,.
bored by the small size of the audience
and its stupidity, resolved to make the,
most or it. xne play was "CaniUle,"
but. Instead of speaking the' lines as
Dumas wrote them, Sarah made up the
play as she went along. Interpolating
such opinions as, from minute to min
ute, she had of the audience. She called
them unutterable things, and in a high
ly, dramatic way. The innocents ap
plauded these sentiments vigorously,
upon which she called them something
worse.
The late John J. Bagley, during his
second successful campaign on the Re
publican ticket for Governor of Michi
gan, spoke one evening at Kalamazoo,
and at the beginning of his remarks be
alluded frankly to bis lack of oratorical
gifts. After he had finished, a man
pushed forward, grasped his hand
warmly, and said: "Governor, 1 have
been a life-long Democrat, but at the
coming election I shall vote for you."
"Thank you," replied the Governor,
much gratified; "may I ask the particu
lar reason for yonr change?" "Because
you are the first speaker on either side
in this campaign that I have heard tell
the truths You said when you began
that you couldn't make much of a
speech, and. by jinks,, you can't!"
Talleyrand's wife was the reverse of
brilliant, and he used to excuse his mar
riage on the ground that "clever women
may compromise their husbands, stupid
women only -compromise themselves."
One day the famous traveler, M.
Denon, was expected to dinner, and
Talleyrand conjured1 madame to pre
pare herself for sensible conversation
by looking over Devon's works. Un
fortunately, on her way to the library,
madame forgot the name. She could
only remember It ended In "on." The
librarian smilingly handed her a Copy of
"Robinson Crusoe." Madame easily
mastered Its contents, and at table
astonished her guest by exclaiming:
"Mon Dieu, monsieur, what joy you
must have felt in your island when you
found Friday!"
John Knapp, of the St. Louis Repub
lican, had little use for press agents,
and it took a mighty shrewd man to get
a free puff from him. He never would
publish a lawyer's or a doctor's name
If he could avoid It, for they might de
rive some benefit from the free adver
tisement' It is said that one morning
mention was made in the Republican
they call it the Republic now of a man
having died of Bright' s disease. Old
man Knapp hunted up the proof-reader,
and called him Into the private office.
"Why did yen let that gjet into the pa
per?" asked the old man, indicating
with his forefinger the objectionable
paragraph. "I don't see but that's all
right," said the reader. "You don't,
eh?" snapped old man Knapp "you
don't, eh? Do you think we want to ad
vertise that' man Bright for nothing?
He never had an 'ad' In this paper in
his life?"
Gold Found.
A curious discovery has been made
during the dredging operations at the
mouths of Morlay and Sboalhaven
Rivers in New South Wales. These
rivers run through an auriferous dis
trict, and at the estuary sand bars and
alluvium are deposited. This obstruc
tion has to be constantly removed by
dredges In order to allow the channels
of the rivers to be kept open for na
vigation. This mud - was then taken
out to sea In hoppers and discharged.
A workman one day. Impressed by the
curious nature of the soil, panned a lit
tle off, and was surprised to find a
small sediment of gold dust. He com
municated his discovery, to the authori
ties, and further investigations proved
that the alluvium was freely charged
with this metal. It was therefore de
cided to extract this gold, and the mud
is now run through an automatic gold
saver before being dumped into the sea.
It is anticipated that the quantity of
gold recovered by this means will de
fray the total cost of the dredging
operations. .1
A Scientific Scrap Book.
L. O. Howard, chief of the division of
entomology, felt somewhat flattered at
receiving one day a letter from a gen
tleman asking him to send a copy of
his report.
Mr. Howard replied promptly, and
asked to which particular report his
correspondent- referred. The answer
came:
"Am not particular which one you
send. I want It for a scrap-book."
Home-Grown fjnster.
"Then", you don't bank much on an
cestral pride?" - - ".
"No; it is more to a man's credit to
start from nowhere and be somebody
than to start from somewhere and be
nobody." Indianapolis Journal.
0TJB BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE,
Jokes and Jokslets that Are Bapyosed
to Have Been Recently Bora Sayings
and Doings that Arc Old, Car iona and
Laughs ble-Th Week's Hnmor.
"Polly, dear, suppose I were to shoot
at a tree with five birds on it, and kill
three, how many would there be left?"
Polly (aged 6) Three, please.
Teacher No two would be left
Polly No, there wouldn't. The three
shot would be left and the other two
would be flied away. Tit-Bits.
The Roicfa BlnfT.
Mistress Honora. didn't I see Mr.
Skyler kiss you this morning?
Maid I'm astonished. Mrs. Skyler,
that you should think of such a thing!
Mr. Skyler of all men! Why. you know.
he never kisses even vou. Boston
Transcript.
A Gord Hani.
Edith How was the season at Bar
Harbor?
Mabel Just lovely! I got eight en
gagement rings and only three had to
be returned.
He Puts Men to Sleep.
"My brother, the prize fighter, has put
a dozen men to sleep."
"That's nothing. My brother, the
preacher, puts the whole congregation
to sleep.
Cold.
He 1 have been longing for this mo
ment Miss Flossie, when I can lay my
burning heart at your feet.
Flossie Oh. it's very good of you
my feet are so cold. Ally Sloper.
The Point of View.
Parson Will you hab her for bettab
er woss?
Isaac Well, sah, I dunno. My folks
say it's woss and her folks say It's bet
tah. Accounting for Their Activity.
Mr. Hayseed These New Yorkers
jes' rush theirselves to death. Why on
earth do they kill themselves that
way?
Mrs. Hayseed Land sakes! they've
got to. Think of the rents they pay.
New York Weekly.
- A Regular Thinsr.
"Daughter," said Mr. Giddings, "is
that young Mr. Dinsmore a man of
regular habits?"
"Oh. yes, papa," replied Miss Gid
dings. "He proposes regularly every
Thursday night." Detroit Free Press.
Information Always on Tap,
"Josiah," said Mrs. Chugwater,
"when one of the big battleships ruus
aground how do they get it off?"
"They pull it off with a tug of war,"
answered Mr. Chugwater. "f should
think you'd know enough to know
that." Chicago Tribune.
Recoarn'asid the American.
Judge Hicks, of Minneapolis, being in
London, inquired his way of a police
man. "You're from Hamerica?"
"Yes, sir."
"You can't Mde the haccent." Boston
Christian Register.
Ran the High Bali Fusillade.
Mother My dear boy, I'm. so glad to
have you home again. I suppose you
were where the balls were thickest?
Soldier Son Yes, mother; the high
balls. '
To Be Exp-ctrd.
"You fellows," complained the King
f Beasts, "don't seem to be properly
Impressed when I start to describe my
adventures." .
"Ah!" replied the diplomatic hvFnu.
'your stories are wonderful, but then
we know you are a lion."
Hampered.
"Ida never talks slang."
"Then that's it. I wondered why It
was she could never make herself un
derstood." Philadelphia Bulletin.
Fore wa rned.
"You can't believe more than half
you hear."
"Which half of what you tell me shall
I believe?"
reliehtfnl Man.
He Going shopping, Miss Vander
velt? .
She Yes. I'm going to buy some
pretty pictures for my room.
He Why don't you buy a half-dozen
mirrors? Then you would see a pretty
picture whichever way you turned.
Summerville Journal.
Night in Cnic-igo.
Conductor Why didn't you .stop for
them three fellers that signaled?
Motorman I got my week's sa'lary in
me pocket and you bet I ain't takin'
chances like that! Puck.
Punished
"What are you reading, DorieV"
"Papa's poems."
"Been naughty?" Punch. '
The Sequel. -
. "That settles It, Danks. Our land
lady has beeb reading about Loeb's salt
cure." -
"What now?"
"We'll get salt herring breakfasts
every morning until the berry season."
Philadelphia North American.
- - . Bad Form.
"Listen!" be whispered.
Marjorie pressed his hand softly.
"Not now!" she said. "It is bad form
to listen while the piano is playing!"
Detroit Journal.
Foo l, Not Work.
Farmer's Wife Why don't you eat
that piece of steak I sent out for you?
Tramp (Indignantly) I didn't ask for.
work, ma'am; I asked for something to
eat. Pick-Me-Up. ...
Gets Up fr.arly. ' ""
Jimmy What time do yer have tet
get ter work?
Johnny Oh, any time I like as long
as I ain't later than 7 o'clock. Harpe.'
Bazar.
In Missouri.
Clerk That train robber says
he
won't pay, his bill.
Missouri Grocer Well, then, I i.up
pose we'll have, to garnishee the rail
road company. Puck.
His Reason.
"Why should a woman take a man's
name when she marries him?"
"Well, as long as she takes every
thing else, she might-as well rake that,
too. Philadelphia Press.
Mens of Appropriat on.
"Mr. Sinipkins and our daugnter
must be engaged."
"Do they seem fond of each other?"
"No; but he has begun to find fault
with her."
No Wonder. '
" Barnestorm Yes; poor Ranter has;
gone crazy as a loon. The part he had
to play was too much for him.
Buskin What was he playing, Jekyll
and Hyde?
Barnestorm No; "Monte Cristo," at
$12 per week and six weeks' salary due.
One Point of D fference.
' "What's the matter with you?" asked
the sympathetic friend; "an attack ot
grip?"
"N.o. this isn't grip. I haven't time to
stay at home and send for a doctor.
This is simply a bad cold." Washing
ton Tost
Too Bad.
Mrs. Mann That young Mr. Childers
is dead. It was awfully sudden. Isn't
it too bad?
Mr. Mann And he was g.-tting along
so famously at coloring . his Jieer
schaum. Transcript.
Getting: at His Finances.
Owner--Here! What are you doing
in my safe?
Flrvt Thou lit.
"What animal is it that is web-fooled,
Tommie?" "
"The. spider, ma'am." Yonkers
Statesman.
Their Verdict. .
Judge Gentlemen of the Jury, what
is your verdict? a
Irish Foreman We folnd that the
mon who stole the horse is not guilty. '
A Drea lfnl tate of Aff ira.
He Well, we can't believe more than
half we hear.
She Oh, worse than that; I can't be
lieve more than half I say. Life.
Pa ho Mixed with the Hnmor. -
"Was the amateur play a drama or a
farce?
"Well, it was billed as a drama, but it
was a farce before they got through."--Pniladelpbia
Bulletin.
Conspicuous tiravert.
Friend Stormington is a heroic actor.
isn't he? . .
Comedian You bet he is! Why, oit
several occasions I've seen him keep
right on acting till he was tiled upon!"
Puck.
An Inconsistent T.iar.
Bosling Oh, well, all horse dealers
are more or less tricky.
Gosling Yes, but this one was the
most bold-faced liar I ever saw. First,
he told me the horse was perfectly
sound, and in the very next breath he
admitted it was well-broken. Philadel
phia Press.
Both.
- Dr. Ende There's nothing serious the
matter with Patsy, Mrs. Mulcahy. I
think a" little soap and water will do
him as much good as anything.
Mrs. Mulcahy Yis, doctlier; an' will
Oi give it V him befoor or afther bis
males? Leslie's Weekly.
A Sympathetic Memory.
In a western Massachusetts town
lived a young woman who is blessed
with both discrimination and tact
The first of these admirable quali
ties she has displayed by her two mar
riages. Her first husband was a min
ister a most delightful man; he died,
and after a lapse of five or six years
she was united to his only brother, who
was a successful lawyer in New York. -
On her library desk stands a picture
of the first p'artner of her joys and sor
rows, and one day a curious caller ask
ed whom the- photograph represented.
"That," said the hostess, with evl- '.
dent emotion, "Is a picture of my bus
band's brother,! who died eight years
ago, and who was very dear to us
both!"
A Big Sponge.
The largest sponge ever sent to mar
ket was from the Mediterranean. .It
was ten feet in circumference and
three in diameter.
The First Rule.
New Boarder Can I get my meals
on time?
Landlady No; you will have to pay
In advance. Harlem Life. - '