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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 4, 1901)
LAST WINTER'S OVERCOAT. ; UTiien the stormy breezes bluster i. Through the shade trees, lank and bare. J And the tiny frost flakes sparkle ' t In the chilly morning air, , Then we take an inventory And o'er useful things we gloat; Naught can wake oar tender interest Like last winter's overcoat. Tenderly we pick the mothballs From the pockets where they've lain, And with sponge and brush we labor To remove each spot and stain; Mourning o'er the frequent tokens Of our hungry friend the moth, ' Where he foraged at his leisure On the sleek imported cloth. But at length, with some misgivings, We pronounce it fit to wear; Yet we shun our dude companions And resent their haughty stare. And we're apt to lose some slumber And some envy we devote To the man who need not worry O'er last winter's overcoat. Peter Grant. S The Little Lacemaker. - DLLE. NOEMI VERDIEE, a lacemaker of Valenciennes, was as good as she was pretty, and her modesty and simplicity commanded the respect of all. Left an orphan at thirteen years of age she lived with her brother, three years her senior, who, having suddenly become the head of the house, labored for his little sister and himself at cabi net making. The two lived happily together; but the years passed and the time of mili tary service came. Louis was obliged to go. The separation was terrible to those two children, who loved each oth er so much. . Left alone in the little lodgings, thus suddenly become too large for her, Noe- to her work and wrought marvels from the flax fields. Each Saturday she carried back her work and when she returned home di vided her earnings In two parts. Must she not send a small subsidy to her sol dier, who was thinking of her there In his far-away garrison? On his side Louis behaved in his regi- went as he did in Valenciennes; that is to say, like an honest man, and so, at the end of the second year of his ab sence he was able to announce one beautiful morning that he had been promoted to be sergeant. You can imagine how happy Noemi was! How her heart throbbed with Joy! Oh, how proud she was of her dear brother! But her happiness was short. in a rew weeKs came a letter, xne war- cloud had burst all at once; armed France rushed to the frontier of the East. The dreadful war began. "From the letters of her beloved Louis she learned the successive defeats of the French army, Woerth, Rozenville, Saint-Private, Gravelotte, Sedan. Then silence followed no more letters, no mnrp nawa tiM-hinc Noemi, who never read the papers, hastened now to the office of the Guet- teur de Valenciennes and of the Echo de la Frontiere, seeking there some lit tle, ray of hope. She listened to the talk on the street she mingled with the groups of people commenting on the sews, she gave ear to the painful - accounts of the war and she learned, with a sinking heart, that her brother's regiment bad met with severe losses. Meanwhile the wounded soldiers were sent, through Hlrsan and Avesnes, to the towns and cities on the northern frontier. Every day fresh convoys ar rived in Valenciennes. All the hospitals were full, and still they came. Then private ambulances were organized everywhere, churches and factories opened their doors to the unfortunate wounded soldiers. One morning the report was circu lated that a convoy of wounded from her-brother's regiment had arrived dur ing the night To the poor girl a glimmer of hope returned. She ran from one to the other, asking of the nurses, bending over every cot; but the hope of the morning vanished. ' All at once she remembered that the day before they had opened in Saint- Saul ve a hospital intended "especially for the officers. Was there any possi bility that an unknown sergeant might have been brought there? Surely not. - Yet notwithstanding, she - found strength to go thither. An army surgeon came toward her. "What do you wish, mademoiselle?" "Oh, monsieur! Pardon! I am look ing for my brother, Sergeant Louis Ver dler." , "You mean Lieutenant Louis Ver dler?" And pointing with his finger " down the long rdw of mattresses on the floor, "there he is in the sixth bed." To the poor girl it seemed as if the earth vanished from beneath her feet She choked back an exclamation of Joy, tnftprml forward fl. Taw stona and nrft. 1 an outburst of infinite happiness knelt before the bed of Lieutenant Verdier, who. with his head wrapped in linen, was lying in a heavy stupor. "Louis! Louis 1 . It is I," she ex claimed, trembling, with clasped hands, ready to fall. y . At this appeal the wounded man re covered his consciousness, opened his eyes and perceived his sister, but not being able to raise his head he stretch ed forth both his hands, which she seTzed in hers and covered with tears. In the meantime the surgeon ap proached, and, half unwillingly, led her away. "You must not cause him any emo tion, or we cannot guarantee anything, sapristl! Your brother's wound Is, do ing well; he will recover, that is cer tain. If you So not undo our .work." . "Oh, monsieur le docteur " "Never mind monsieur le docteur. This is enough for to-day. Come back to-morrow moraine, but now eo home." "Do you see, my dear Louis," said me nappy rnoemi to mm a rew days later, Bitting by the bedside of her brother, "yesterday the merchant for - whom I work ordered of me a piece of magnificent lace for a wealthy English and I hope to finish it in ten days. ' For - this work they will pay me a very high . price. Do you know what I am going to fin with the mnn?" - EVOLUTION OF Signature of Lieut ATcK'nley In MM. Slrrsre ti Frct fcsl el lelfed Stiles in I' CO Those fond of studying character in handwriting will find much of interest in the signatures of First Lieut. William McKinley, Jr., of the Twenty-third Ohio volunteer infantry, and William McKin:ey. Prexident of the United States Un less one looks closely at the signatures it may seem hard to trace much simi larity. Still, it is there, and can be found in a number of places. When the older of the. signatures was -written the father of the boy. lieutenant was alive, and the future President was William Jr. This signature was writ ten across the face of a small photograph, and there was not room to spell the "William" out in full, even if the lieutenant had wished to do so. The photo graph was taken and the signature writteu when President McKinley was 21 years old, and when he had not had occasion to sign the name more than a few times, comparatively. The other signature is thirty-five years older, being that uf the President -of the nation. For all the changes that time made in the mgua ture and in the man who wrote it, there are interesting similarities in the two fac-similes. "Speak, my darling," answered the young officer. '';"-' "The surgeon says that you will soon be able to get up. I am going to take you home to our little nest and take care of you day and night You shall see how happy we will be and . how quickly you will be well." "Dear, dear sister! Oh, what a good idea, and how I shall hasten to get strong, so as to be able to go with you." One morning, when she came in, ra diant with gladness, her brother bade her speak low and pointed with his eyes to a new wounded officer, whom they had brought in and placed on a mat tress beside his own. The wounded man was M. de Lauterac d'Amboyse, lieutenant "aux chasseurs a pied" and had been struck in the shoulder by a bombshell. Poor young man!" said Noemi, com passionately. "He has no sister to take care of him." And she became Interest ed in this man, whose death seemed certain. ' .'- In the meantime the days went by and Louis' convalescence progressed rapidly. Had he not promised to hurry? On the morning of the tenth day Noemi arrived, joy in her face, bringing a pre cious package wrapped in tissue paper. She, too, had kept her word; her mar velous work was finished and she brought it to show her brother before carrying it to the merchant who order ed it and in her joy at being able to take her brother home she forgot about the poor, wounded man lying beside her. - "See how beautiful it. Is!" she said, displaying the delicate masterpiece up on the bed proud of it not because of its overwhelming difficulties, but be cause it enabled her to realize her most ardent wish, to bring her dear conval escent into their little nest In the little street into the small lodgings where happiness would come back at the re turn of her beloved brother. And they were both happy. With hands clasped, they contemplated the delicate late. All at once a piercing shriek ' drew them from their ecstasy. In making an effort to rise M. de Lau terac d'Ambroyse had disarranged his bandages, the wound reopened, and the unfortunate man fell back on his bed covered with blood. At the scream the surgeon was on the spot and In a twinkling had removed the bandage. "Quick, quick! Some dnt!" he cried. "Hurry, hurry!" And while the nurses, beside them selves at the cries of the patient searched everywhere for what was at hand, the stream of blood kept on flow ing and the anxious surgeon multiplied his appeals. , - The brother and sister, motionless, pale with fright exchanged one glance. Noemi seized her precious lace, tore it in pieces, and gave it to the major, who applied it to the wound. The hemorrhage was stopped. ' -. Louis and Noemi, trembling with emotion, looked at each other. -' " "Dear sister, thanks -." That was all that Louis could say. '-.-- "It will make but a few days' de lay," lisped the young girl, keeping back the tears Just ready to flow. "I will begin my work again." Lieutenant de Lauterac l'Ambroyse is to-day colonel; he Is the father of three children; one a big, pretty girl, almost as beautiful and -sweet as her mother, whose name she wears, Noemi; and two fine-looking boys, who are "terrors," as their uncle assures us, the brave com mandant Louis Vernier. -. ANKLE BRACE FOR SKATERS. Device for Givlnz Artificial " Aid to Weak Ankles. . --:. . Many a person is prevented from learning to skate, both with roller and ice skates, by weakness of the ankles, and as skating Is sudh a fascinating sport it is not to be wondered at that artificial aid is to be provided to brace the ankles for this, sport The latest device for this purpose has just been patented byArthur J. and Robert T. Brauer of St. Louis, Mo., and is illus trated herewith. The brace is not'u tended to be attached to the ankle, but depends entirely upon the force exerted by the strap pulling the triangular plates over either ankle in a downward direction. The plates are of leather and carry semi-circular steel braces, which are connected by a strap passing underneath the hollow of the foot. When the ankle starts "to turn, the platoon the side toward which it bends draws the bones back into place, and there Is no upward play to the brace. The sole of the shoe is also prevented from tilting In either direction, and as this movement always takes place when toe ankle turns a further aid ie SIMPLE AKD COHVKNIKHT SUPPORT. A SIGNA JURE. thus provided. As the brace depends Upon no exterior support and is light and easily attached it will be an aid to football, baseball and golf players also. LINIMENTS MADE AT HOME. Tfhey Are Frequently of Great Value for the Cure of 1 ieease. I It is difficult to find a liniment that I will be of more general usefulness than simple camphorated .oil or camphor liniment, as it is often called. It is val uable fof rubbing on the outside Of the throat or on the chest as a gentle stlin-1 ulant, or It may be used In case, of chronic rhendiatism, where It must be applied with friction to give any relief. It may be purchased of the duuggist or It may be prepared at home by dissolv ing one ounce of gum camphor in four fluid ounces of olive oil. In case of a Bevere cold a piece of flannel dipped in camphor liniment and heated and laid over the chest under a layer of cotton. batting will seldom fall to bring' relief to a little child or even to an older per son. . . A compound liniment which is rec ommended for rheumatism and "numb ness" Is made,of two and a half ounces of gum camphor and one drachm of oil of lavender dissolved in seventeen fluid ounces of alcohol. After-this add three fluid ounces of strong solution of am monia and shake the ingredients thor oughly together In a bottle." Keep It closely corked when-not in use. A good liniment for bruises and : strains is made of two fluid ounces of alcohol, two fluid ounces of ammonia and two tablespoonfuls of salt. Put these in gredients in a quart bottle every' time this liniment Is used. Apply it with friction, using the palm of the hand, as the massage nurse does. The efficacy of almost any of the liniments depends considerably on the care and zeal with which it is applied. In all cases the skin Should be covered with flannel and often with cotton batting after the lini ment has been applied, as it is desirablu to keep in the heat of the nibbing. A good healing liniment for chafed skins, burns or scalds is made of three ounces of spermaceti and one ounce of. white wax melted jnto a pint of olive (xil by setting them In a bottle uncorked in a pan of warm water and repeatedly shaking the bottle, returning it to Uie warm water until the ingredients are all melted together. New York Trib une. ' - - . . PICTURES ON HUMAN SKIN. The Latest Parisian Fad Has Made Its Debut in This Con itty. Not long after Dinkereseo, the noted Russian chemist had discovered that it is possible to reproduce a photograph on the human skin it became quite a fad in Paris for love-sick men and women to have their " dca." one's Uneamenti stamped on the arm or shoulder. An English actress now playing In New York has brought the fad to this country thb new fad. an(j other members of the theatrical profession are being bitten by- the Dinkereseo habit The process is quite simple. The spot to be consecrated to displaying the feature, of a dear one is coated with a chemical mixture that is sensitive to the light A flexible film of the loved one's features Is placed on the mixture and you ex pose your arm for ten minutes and tho picture is there. It must be washed with three different chemicals to assure permanency.. After the triple bath it is impossible to remove the picture by any known process. " " ';- Subsidence of the Bermuda Islands. According to the results of studies by Prof. A. E. Verrill the beautiful Ber muda Islands are merely the remnant of an Island, very much larger- than tha present group, but which has sunk in the ocean. The original island had an area of 300 or 400 square miles, wherea i the Bermudas to-day are only about 20 square -miles in area. Within a com paratively recent period, says Prof. Ver rill, the Bermudas, have subsided at least 80 or 100 feet Their base is thw summit of an ancient volcano,' while their surface is composed of shell sand drifted into hills by the wind and con solldated by Infiltration. . - Next Century Will Bring Looser Life. The American.wlll be taller by from one to two inches In' the next hundred years. His Increase of stature will re sult from better health, due to vast re forms in medicine, sanitation, food and athletics. He will live fifty years In stead of thirty-five as at present foi he will reside in the suburbs. The city house will practically' be : no 5 more. Building in blocks will be illegal. The trip from suburban borne to office will require a few minutes only. A penny will pay the fare.-Ladies' Home Jour nal. .. - - ' - ' : v Euyhonistic in the Extreme. V" The rapid extension of polite term appears to threaten an era of Chester fieldian courtesy.- A negro boy whose duty It Is to look after the family wash when taken to task for a delay of sev eral days replied: .-'-.-.: -.";"'-'. "The wash-lady says that the. wash- gentleman was sick and she- had to wait on him.". . ; -;A ' The presumption is that the husband of the laundress has been ill. - Time is but a narrow ruffle on the edge of eternity. NOW WED AT HOME. FASHIONABLE BRIDES TABOO CHURCH FUNCTION. Simplicity of Arraa eanati Contrary to Former Elaborateness Society Leader Say Home Wedding Is a Mor. acred Event Guests Still Numerous. The weddings of the fashionables ire no longer "brilliant functions," lays the Chicago Chronicle. The elab orate affair of the past few years has been replaced by a quiet home wed ding, which does not lend itself to long descriptions. "And why have a home wedding?" some people ask. "Wasn't the old way the best?" These fashionables who have planned and executed the change have many reasons for it In the first place they say a home wedding is so much more sacred. One is inclined to ask them why they did not think of that long ago, before Mrs. So and So or Mrs. Somebody Else thought of it. Why didn't they have a plain home wedding when their first daughter was married. Why was the church so much better then than it is now? Not that It would do any good to ask all these things, for the fashionable mother of the fash ionable bride would look at you in grieved wonderment if you did. "A house' wedding is so simple and pretty and my husband likes it so much bet ter, really, we never could think of having another church wedding," she would repeat, much Impressed with the words. All of these reasons are an avoidance of the point in question, which Is simply' that home weddings are now fashionable -and are, thereore, generally observed. Within tjie past three months there have been thirty weddings among the ultra-fashionable of Chicago,, and, of this number but three were church functions. But there is more to it than the mere fact that the home has succeeded the church as a place for such affairs. With the change the whole tone of the function has changed, the bride is no longer so elaborately gowned, the deco rations are not so extravagant, the brldesAialds and groomsmen are not so numerous and the guest list is es sentially much reduced. The wedding still a pretty affair, but it is not gorgeous and the efforts of the most imaginative society editor could not make it so. One maid of honor and one bridesmaid are at most the attend ants of the party and frequently the maid of honor alone accompanies -the; bride, while the groom has no attend ant. The bride Is gowned simply yet with all the adornments necessary to the proverbial bride and the costume of her maid is likewise simple. " - In spite of all its apparent simplicity, the home wedding is not a small affair, 200 or 300 guests are frequently in at tendance and the reception which fol lows is always largely attended. Take It all In an,"' the home function Is no less brilliant, though less showy, than that of the church and even when it is announced as simply a family affair there Is a reception ' afterward for friends. There is still the "Lohengrin" wedding march and the "Oh, Promise Me," played softly through the service, and there is always the bride, a hap py and altogether charming person, who is after all the center of general interest. And there is still a wedding ring, although there Is no page in white velvet to carry It on a cushion, and" there is still a bride's bouquet: to be thrown at her girl friends after the ceremony, although there Is no small flower girl to hold It. And there is al ways the rice and the old slippers to be thrown at the departing couple, for happily the wedding journey is not as yet tabooed v:- ' Home Wedding. Ia Better of Two. Take it altogether, there are a great many people who will agree with the society matron that the home wedding Is. the better of the two, although it is noticeable that they are in every case the people who will be guests at the affair wherever it is held. Yet if there is to be a change in the style of mar riages, and it has undoubtedly been deemed necessary, It is perhaps wisest that the wedding should be celebrated at home, "quietly," as the society col umns say, and in the . old-fashioned way. The church wedding has held sway for more than ten years and it certainly was getting to be a bore to have a whole family of daughters mar ried in exactly the same way. The first could have a pink wedding and the second a blue one and so on to the end, but as for any further Individual. ity it was simply impossible. A bride could be a bride after Just so much fuss and flurry and running to the church and back again. : There -was a strict code for the arrangement of such an affair and no one dared to depart from it For all these years society has been a slave to this code and when it did finally rebel Jt was to the great satisfaction and relief ' of . numerous brides-to-be. CnURCH WEDDINGS ARE NOW OUT OF DATE. ' Now that It Is not only proper but properest to have one's wedding at home and to have it a simple, unpreten tious affair, the ordeal Is no longer so trying. .The preparation and "celebra tion of jier wedding will not leave the bride in a state of nervous collapse and her entire family exhausted. The last of the church weddings were eight day wonders for splendor and no one would have dared to outdo them. They had worked themselves out of novel ties as a means of display and it only remained to repeat the wonders that had already been accomplished. The home wedding is a kindly respite from these shows and a respite for which both society and the newspaper read ing public Is thankful. PROVED TO BE FORGERIES. Tanagra Figurines in the Boston Mu seum Are ae imitation. The discovery that twenty -five of the twenty-eight Tanagra figurines In the Boston art museum are forgeries has attracted much attention from artists and art critics, largely because the Bob ton figurines were the best specimens of the peculiar Tanagra potteries In this country and have been widely copied, cheap Imitations of some of tbem being found In the shop of almost every dealer In art goods and bric-a-brac. The collection has been valued at $30, 000 and was given to the museum in 1879 by Thomas Appleton, whose au thority on art subjects was so great that the genuineness of his gift was never questioned. .It Is not believed that Mr. Appleton knew that the fig urines were forgeries, as the museum judges at the Louvre, at Berlin and New York were also deceived by forged figurines made by the same persons who are now known to have faked the Appleton pieces. The first Intimation that the Boston figurines were forgeries was the state ment of John Marshal), an English au thority, that he believed them to be spurious. ' Later a Greek shopkeeper from New York told the museum au thorities that the figurines were part of a lot made In Athens in 1874, and that he knew the maker.- -He produced proof that fifteen of the men engaged in the manufacture of the fictitious fig ures were now in prison for the offense. Curator Robinson of the museum, after hearing the Greek's story, rcognized the man named as the principal maker of the forgeries as one known to him for similar work in other lines. The man is now dead. To the credit of the mu seum authorities, they at once decided on an investigation of the fisriirlnes themselves, and Mr. Marshall, who had called their attention to some of the evidences of foreerv. was called in to assist Curator Robinson. - The figurine. were scraped and the forgery at onct revealed. " - Beautiful Cora L vineston. ' "Under the John Quincy Adams ad ministration Cora Livingston was rec ognized as one of a trio of the fore most beauties of the United States," writes William Perrine in the Ladies Home Journal. 'During the period from 1820 to 1830,' said Joslah Quincy who had a critical eye for pretty girls 'who has not beard of the three great belles of this country Miss Cora Liv ingston of New Orleans, Miss Julia Dickenson of Troy and Miss . Emily Marshall of Boston?" "Indeed, he ob served that he would need to know how to paint the rose to describe Mis--Cora. 'In the first place.V he went on to say, she Is not handsome; I mean not transcendentally handsome, but she has a fine figure, a pretty face, dances well, and dresses to admiration. Jt is the height of the ton to be her admirer, and she Is certainly the belfe of this country.' ..-'.'; - . "The beauty of Cora Livingston Bar ton had ripened early and it faded ear ly. Long after the days of her suprem acy as a belle were gone Josiah Quincy was taken to her home at Montgomery place, on the Hudson. He had not seen her for thirty years. 'Will you come into the house and see Mrs. Barton?" he was asked. He assented, and he saw an old lady In cap and dress, of studied simplicity. .You would , not have known me,' she said, and he could -not make reply. , 'Come Into the next room, she then said, 'and you will see the " Cora . Livingston you knew in Washington.' There he saw the full length portrait of the beauty to whom he had paid homage a generation be fore, and he could gaze upon It only in silence.'-::".' ; How Many. - i . " - -. Jonesby and his wife took the family tandem with them on their summer va cation, and In due time returned home, greatly refreshed by the outing. "You are not as much tanned f p as I expected to see you, Jonesby," re marked Brownson, meeting him the next day after his return. !'Tell 'me candidly how far you traveled on that tandem." - "Well," he replied, lowering his voice, "I have hired a boy to turn the front wheel just one hour. As soon as he has finished I'll look at the cyclometer and tell you exactly how many miles we made on It" LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA RIOUS HUMORISTS. - Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Oveif Sayings that Are Cheer ful to Old or Young-Funny Selec tions that JTou Will Enjoy.' Grogan I suppose you know It Is the proper caper now not to serve butter at dinner. Hogan That's always been the rule at our boarding-house. They serve oleo Instead, you know. Boston Transcript. No Gooi at AIL "Well, Daisy, shall we pay the house rent or give a dinner?" - "Why, give the dinner, of course! What good will paid-up bouse rent do us If we lose our social position?" Life. On His Mettle. Uncle Bob Well, Johnny, are yon at the bead of your class? Johnny No, but I can lick the fellow that isl Answers. Might Try It. Young Lady Patient Doctor, what do you do when you burn your mouth with hot coffee? Doctor S wear ! Plck-Me-Up. Time Is Comparative. Teacher Charles, what is the short est day of theyear? Charles (from experience) The day your father promises to give you a lick ing before you go to bed. Keept-ig His Humor Dry. "A sail!" shouted the lookout. The admiral knit his brow. "I hope it's the enemy," he muttered. "I have enough powder to fight a bat tle, but not enough to fire a salute!" With this .be folded his arms and gloomily contemplated the horizon. Detroit Journal. - ' Candid. "What do you think Is the saddest work of fiction you ever read?" "The cook book," answered the young woman who has not been married very long. "Not more than one in ten of those pieces come out right" Wash tagtn Star. - Worst Yet. "Please, I want a pennorth of er er I want er er " "Have you forgotten -what you" came for?" "Yes, that's what I want" ' "What?" , , "Camphor." Moonshine. Bright Boy. Josh Hayrake I've got one smart on up In the Klondike. ' Reuben Glue Gettin rich fast 1 s'pose? Josh Hayrake Oh, yes; he writes that he'll soon have enough tew git home with. Brooklyn Life. -' Too Early to Tell. '. "What are the names of that newly married couple in the next flat?" "Oh, we can't find outTfor a few weeks; each now calls the other Birdie.' . Indianapolis Journal. Beauties of Employing a Mascot. Boy Say, mister, let me bait your hook. - Fisherman I will, if you give me good luck. Boy "(adjusting the bait) The last man I baited for got turned out of. church for telling the truth about how many fish he caught . . Good Advice. Tackleton I'm glad your yatch beat Bragman's. He was blowing so much before the race. It's your turn now. "He laughs best who laughs last." Mainsel Yes; but say, rather, "He laughs best who luffs first" Philadel phia Press ;:" '--'.".'' Crafty." ,:" . Jackson No, I never take a news paper home. : I've got a . family of grown-up daughters, you know. Friend Papers too full of crime? Jackson No; too full of bargain sales. -Tit-Bits. - . . His English. He You climed ze Matterhorn? Zat was a great foot. - She Great feat you mean, Count. He Ah! Zen you climed him more as once! Punch. Saving Women, ; Mr. Payne What! Sixty-eight dol lars for an evening dress? Why, 1 thought you were going to have your last year's black lace made over. , Mrs. Payne--L did, dear. . I had It made over red satin, and that's what cost so. Philadelphia Bulletin. .Preventing the Cure. Mrs. Gotham The paper says an In diana State Board is trying to prevent the marriage of idiots. Mr. Gotham What nonsense! They soon get over It New York Weekly. Good Idea. - : - "I'd fix that Hall of Fame all right." " "What ' would be your basis of Choice?" "Why, I think no man's name onght to go in there until everybody is dead that knew him." Indianapolis Journal. " ' , ' Doera't Melt. . "It's terrible, the way the price of coal is going np," wailed the pessimist "Well, there is one thing to be thank ful for," saicUthe optimi3t; "coal doesn't melt like Ice." Philadelphia Record. Hegrettei It. Lena I didn't think you'd let a man kiss you on such short acquaintance. Maude Well, he thoroughly con vinced me that it was all my fault that I hadn't met him sooner. Smart Set Cf Conre. "It seems to be an actual fact that an Indian never laughs."' "Nonsense! Didn't Longfellow make Minnehaha?" Philadelphia Press. ' Come Came lor Joy Yet. "Well, Dave, what did you do on your fiftieth birthday r "Oh,-I passed resolutions that I was glad I wasn't 100." Detroit Free Pi ess. Nothing in It. Giles At last 1 have got a letter from my rich unc'.e in California. Hilton Anything in It of Interest? ' Giles Not a cent Boston Transcript Seldom. Song writers may turn, out airs by the million, but they se'.dom become mil lionaires. Philadelphia Record. A Joint Warirone. "Do you like your new cook?" "Oh, yes, I haven't worn my silk cape but once since she came, but gracious! I'm not going to bother her about a lit tle thing like that" Indianapolis Jour nal. Discovery. ' "Yon seem to have discovered the se cret of keeping a servant girl, Mrs. Hill?" "Yes. Several years ago I found a maid whom my gowns would exactly fit and I have had no trouble since." Den ver Times. . Simply lil sB. Miss Pepprey Gracious! You don't mean to say that you absolutely do nothing? Cholly Aw, weally, I don't even do that. My man attends to ev'wything, y' know. Philadelphia Pre&s. Eaffled. "There's no use," said Mr. Cumrox, "I ain't going to try to superintend the education of my daughter any more." "Why not?". "They're getting along where I can't follow "em. I hear 'em chattering some times, and I can't tell whether they are reciting their Latin lesson or "count ing out' for a game of hide and seek." Washington Star. Her Valuation. - Biggs (to cabmanj What will you charge to take me and. my wife to Blank's Hotel? Cabman Half a crown, sir. . - Biggs And how much for taking me alone? Cabman The same half a crown. Biggs (to his wife) There, my dear, you see how much you are valued at Tit-Bits. Worked Both Ways. "I can't have lost all my good looks," , said Miss Northside to her best friend, Miss Shadyside, "for I can st.ll obtain a seat in a crowded street car." "Oh, well," replied Miss Shadyside, "you know the men will give seats to old age as well as to youthful beauty." Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. Perplexing. "Mamma, my birthday comes this year on Monday, doesn't it?" "Yes, dear." "And last year it was on Sunday, wasn't it?" "Yes, dear." "Did It come on Saturday the year before last?" . "Yes, dear." "Mamma, how many days In the week was I born on?" The King. An Illiterate. Jane What did you ever reject John Gray for? Kitty He was so Illiterate. Jane Illiterate? Why, I thought he was a man of superior education. Kitty Well, he wasn'i. He didn't even know the rudimenis, for when 1 told him "no" and thought sure he would read between the lines, would you believe it the gump picked up his hat and went home. Detroit Free Press. . The Strenuous Life. . New Reporter (tired out) To-day Is Saturday, and you know that this State J now has a Saturday half-holiday law which City Editor By jinks! I nearly ror got it Rush out and get up a five-column article on how the day Is being ob served. New York Weekly. : Hal 'Em to Sui. Customer (having tried nearly all the ' hats in the shop) It's a funny thing that you don't seem to have a hat that suits my head. Shopman (truly anxious to please) Try a soft one, sir. Pick-Me-Up. Prom the Atlantic 1 "What are you nosing around that At lantic cable for?" said the lobster to the bluefish. ' . "Oh,", said the latter, nonchalantly, "merely picking up a few ocean cur rents." Detroit Free Press. Petroleum in Paint Explodes. Explosions caused by paint mixed with petroleum ether are said to have occurred frequently of late in England. ' The admixture of petroleum ether Is made to hasten the drying of the paint Aside from the recent accidents with such paints in the interior of vessels, attention Is called to the fire in former years on the man-of-war Dotterel, where 151 -" persons lost their lives. Hence great caution Is recommended In employing such paints. In closed rooms their use should be entirely pro-' hibited. ' - ' : ' J i - Age of Responsibility. ' In England the law looks upon every one over the age of 7 as a responsible being, and every child beyond that age can be prosecuted as a crlmlnaL- The same age is accepted in Russia and Por tugal. In France and Belgium the age is 8, in Italy and Spain It is 9. Norway, Greece, Austria, Denmark and Holland decline to prosecute a child under 10, " and this is the rule also In some of tha , Swiss cantons. In Germany the limit ' of responsibility Is fixed at 12. , " I