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About The Columbian. (St. Helens, Columbia County, Or.) 1880-1886 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 10, 1885)
if. THE COLUMBIAN. THE COLUMBIAN. Pubusmtd Every Tuuhssat AT ST. HELENS, Columbia County, Oregon. BT Published Evert Thursday AT ST. HELEiVS, Columbia Count', Oregon, BY XL G. ADAMS, ...... Editor A. B. ADAMS, - - - Associate Editor v. 7 E. G. ADAMS, ...... Editor VOL. VI. ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, ORE( , 1885. NO. 1. A. B. ADAMS, - Associate Editor rrnir n n TIOnTT it an; ! THERE COMZS A TIME. There comes a time to every mortal being, "VV hate'er ha station or 1U lot In life, v hen hia sal soul yearns for the tiual tree ing. From all this arrinj- and unlovely strife. There tomes a time .when, having lost Its savor. The calt of wealth is worthless. When the innd Grows wearied with the world's capricious favor , And aigUs for something that it does not There comes a time when, though kind friends are throntntr About our pathway with sweet acta of prace. We feel a vnst and overwhelming lonjflns: 51 For some-tiling that we can not name or place. There comes a time when, with earth's best love by us To feed the heart's great hunger and de sire. We find not even this can satisfy us; The soul within us cries for something higher. What erreater Iproof need we, that men In herit A life immortal In another sphere: It Is the homes :cb long-in? of the spirit That can not find its satisfaction here. Ella Whetler fiicox, in. Chicaqo Aueance. LIFE IN ALASKA. Reminiscences of Six Years' Resi- dence There. Grizzly Bears Catching 8a!mon and Mos. qoitoes That Really Bite Queer Habits of the Natives Beavers Danim'ns Streams. "I haven't been in. Alaska since 1876," said a former Government em ploye who was stationed in that coun try for several years. but from all I can hear the oecupat'on. of the land by increasing numbers of white people has not had the effect of changing the cus toms of the country, :n some portions' of it at lean, to any great extent. Tha . Indians still believe in ev.l spirits that inhabit the water, hold the r slaves se cretly, practice polj-gamy, and retain all their social and rel s: ons forms and ceremonies. They have their sorcer ers, repudiate all relationship on the father's side, and live generally as they did under the rule of the Russian. There are mussels and species of lish in Alaskan waters wheh have strong and sometimes fatal toxic qualities li eaten, wh ch they frequently are. Sick ness always follows such "indulgence, . and it was no .uncommon thing, when I lived in Alaska, to see an entire Ko losk village suffering fiom its efiects. It is th s trad tion upon which the b lief in evil spirits who live in the water yod spread sickness and disease among tue people s"ToY:nd-d. --They profess - to hold communication with these ' , spirits through their .sorcerers, but they porter them no sacrifices, and use no ' means to propit ate them. , "Marr.age among these Indians is a peculiar institut on: in fact, there is no marriage simply the tak ng of wives. When a young Indian wants a wife he ! goes to his mother and tells her so. If she gives her consent he goes to where the lady of his heart is cooped up in her father's house, taking his next best friend w th him. Through the latter he sends word to his inamorata that he is near and would wed. If she has a leaning toward her su tor she re'.urns word to him by the friend that she is inclined to join her interests with his. He then takes presents to her and her parents, and having delivered them enters at once.nto the possession of his bride. There are no further ceremon ies, except that a day later the couple must visit her relatives, and if she then has no complant to make to them about her husband, they are given presents and the wedding is over. This may be repeated indefinitely, until an Ind.an m.y b'ccm1 as well-to-do in wives a-, a" Mormon elder. Tolygamy was practiced even by the so-called Christ an tribes when I lived in the Territory, and their evolution must have been rapid, from what I remem ber of them, if the have abandoned the practice. 'Dried salmon is the luxury of the Alaskan Ind ans. and the children be gin to nibble it before they think of walking. The way they bring up chil dren out there woiJd hardly suit in tlrs region. The mother c arries her child about from the time it is born until it is able to creep, no matter where she goes. Until that t me she keeps it wrapped in a sort of fur sack. The mo ment the young one shows a disposi tion to crawl she yanks the fur oil' it, and then beg ns the bu Id ng up of its constitut on. This is done by g ving it a souse in the sea or r.vvr every morn ing, and the chorus of yells that greets every village during this interesting ceremony is someth ng terrific. Iho cries of the young ones are piteous, and for fear that the r maternal breasts niisrht not be proof against these ap peals for men-y. and thus fail to do their duty by their offspring, the moth ers do not perlorm th s bathing rite themselves, but delegate some brother or sister to do the dousing. These conscientious aunts and uncles vary the switch with the bath, in va.n at tempts to make the one overawe the noisv results of the other. 'There is onething that is noticeable among these hali-c.vil.zed tribes, and is creditable w:thal. Their old and disabled members are carefully attend ed to. and orphans become a common charge, and fare the sanin as the most favored children with Lving parents. These Indians are original cremation ist3. Their dead are burned as soon as death ensues; their allies are in terred on the spot and a rude monu ment erected over them. They have crude Ideas of immortality, believing that a man has a spirit that lives for ever, but they kuow nothing of future rewards or punishments. Their heaven is a place where the spirits of the chiefs congregate in one place, the common people "by themselves, and slaves, f there are any, have still another dwell in place, unless a chief's slave should d e with him, and then his spirit will be in eternal attendance on his master. It was formerly the universal custom to kill the slave when the master died to insure the latter's spirit proper at tendance. That custom was abolisned by the Russian Government, but it was still kept up in isolated places, and cases where it has been followed were well known as late as 1876. "Some of the Iudian tribes, notably the Kanaitze, traveling from place to place hunting or fishing, have the very excellent habit of leaving beh:nd them when they break camp a quantity of kindling material at each fireplace for ihe use of the next travelers who come along, and who may possibly not be oversupplied with tli's very necessary item in their outfit. This kindling con s sts of some pine pitch and some dry mo -s and sticks all wrapped up in a curl of birch bark. The traveler who uses this and does not leave some for the next one who comes along is sadly deficient ' in the etiquette of Alaskan travel. That is a curious country, truly. In one day's trip I was treated to three of the rarest sights I ever saw. One of these was the watching from behind a rock of a family of beavers at work fell ing timber and building dams. I say a family, but there must have been two hundred of them, every one working away like mad. I had been mak ng a trip to see some of the country back from the sea, and was surprised" to see how heavily wooded, comparatively, it was. I was guided by a Kanaitze In dian, and long before" we reached the lake where 1 saw the beavers I was puzzled at the crashing of timbers to the ground, as if some great whirlwind were at play among the trees. I could hardly believe the Indian when he said the trees were being felled by beavers. When we came in sight of the lake and the hills about it I no longer doubted. Scores of the busy animals were gnawing down the trees; others were trimming the branches off as neatly as it could have been done with an axe; others were chopping the timber into the proper lengths tor use; others rolled the pieces into the water and lloated them to the dam-workers, who were rapidly laying up a wooden structure of which the most expert of human workmen might well have been proud. I watched tha beavers at work for an hour and then left the spot reluctantly. That night, by the way, I had beaver meat for sup per, went to bed on beaver skins and covered myself with beaver furs, and had beaver again for breakfast. I had never eaten beaver meat before, and I found it good. My guide told me that the hike where we "had seen the beavers was one of a cha;n of seven, and that it was the great Indian trapping place. Thej trapped in one lake o e year, in another the next, and so on, thus giving the beaver an opportunity to increase in tho waters which were ot dis turbed. One of the other curious s'ghts I saw that day was a grizzly bear fish ing for salmon. That was a funny sight. They have the common brown bear and the grizzly in Alaska and tho Alaska grizzl.- is b gger than his broth er of the Rocky. Mountains and just as tough. Long be'ore we came to tho spot where we saw the gr zzly fishing we saw his tracks in the soft margin of the lake. The marks of his feet meas ured sixteen inch'.-s across and were nearly twice as long. Suddenly my guide made me a sign and dropped down behind a rock. I did the same, and looking ahead not more than three rods, I saw the largest wild ani mal I had ever seen in my life outside of a menagerie. I knew it was a griz zly. The great brute was lying on the top of a bank in wh ch he had scooped out a chute down to the water's edge, at a sharp angle. The bear's eves were fixed ntently on the water, antf he had not heard o.ir approach. Pres ently he slid down that chute v.ith as tonishing velocity and plunged head fir.-.t in the water." When he arose and backed out he had in one of his great paws an enormou salmon wh:ch he took to the top of the bank and piocetded to make a meal of. He never finished it, for both my guide and myself sent two r fle bulls into his gigantic carcass. He arose to his feet with a roar 1 ke a lion, turned two or three t'mes :is if to see whence the deadly fire had come, and then fell to the ground and was soon dead. This fishing for salmon is a common method of securing choice morsels of food by both the common bear and the grizzly. Tho th rd strange sight I saw that day was toward evening. It was sum mer, and we came to the mouth of a mountain torrent, near where we were to camp. As we stopped by the shore of the stream, a herd of reindeer, at least twenty of them, came out to drink. They were not tli rty feet from us, and raised their great antlers, and stood looking at us w th such apparent con fidence of our good intentions that I would not permit the guide to abuse it, as he was on the point of doing, al though it was a bitter task for him to ko 'j his rifle from his shoulder. The deer lina'lv stopped and drank, and then disappeared in the woods as quiet ly as the- had come upon us. "You would hardly think that there were mosqu toes in Alaska. I suppose, from the idea you have probably formed of the nature of the country, ut of all the vivid memor es I have of the Terri- torv. those I retain of the Alaskan mos quito are the most vivid. I camped for some davs one summer on the Kenai River, near Lake Skeloka, of which it is the outlet, and of all the poisonous, persistent, insatiable pests that ever lived I found there in the form of mos quitoes and black Hies. The mosqui toes resemble those wc have East. 'but to coi respond with everything else in that land of wonders, thov are built on a much grander scale. They have a proboscis that I will wager could drill, .aw and chop a hole through the hide of Jumbo in less time than the most exj ertand able-bodied Jersey mosquito could tap the cuticle of a three-month-old baby. The moment the Alaska mosquito lights on you you begin to itch and swell. His" bite on me was so po sonous that after my first hour's experience w th h'm I was taken to camp ill. and for two days I was un able to get around. The Ind'an who was with me burned some native herb which had a pungent odor, andano nt ed me with some kind of oil. The smoke kept the mosquitoes away from me and the oil removed the poison. The natives do not seem to mind these pests, and I suppose that if a white man could live in their midst long enough he m"ght become in a ine iure indifferent to their sting. The black ti es seem lo have stingers all over them, for when they get ahold on vour flesh they hang on like a wood tick, and when you do get $hem oft you w.ll find a spot of blood where every one of them clung. They say there are snakes in Alaska, but if there are I never saw any. I was there six years, and when I first went there a great many white ad venturers were trying to get on the trail of an alleged gold mine, or gold region, which legend said had been discovered by some Russians in 1850. When I left this country there were men still looking for that gold region, and there was a rumor that indications of its existence hail been found some where.away in the bel of some moun tain stream, beyond the headwaters of the Kenai River. If that was true, subsequent developments must have been indefinitely postponed, for I have never heard of any great amount of bullion coming out of that region." X Y. Times. A WASHINGTON EPISODE. That Had a Pointer In It for Those Who Ape Foreign Manners. Baron de Struve, the Russian Minis ter, and his wife are among the most popular people of the diplomatic circle in Washington. They are utterly sim ple and sincere, and are completely captivated by all things American. Madame de Struve is a very intelligent woman, but utterly without ostenta tion, and thoroughly a lady in all the best meaning of the term. The Baron is as pla"n a man as a Maryland farmer, and both pay America the delicate com pliment of seeking to appear American in nil things. The Baroness, one day recently, showed her quick knowledge and ap preciation of the fine points of et quette, and at the same time fittingly rebuked a pert young American miss in a man ner that will not be forgotten, and that should be told for the benefit of other similar young women who ape fore gn airs, cultivate foreign tongues.and think it the proper thing toshrug one's shoul ders, elevate one's eyebrows, and turn the palms of one's hands outward in all tho essence of depreciat on at the mention of their own country. There is a class of those female dudes in Washington whoestoem it the proper performance to chatter in bad French at all times and upon all occasions. A bevy of these young women ap proached Madame de Struve at a recep tion in tho White House, and began chattering in more or less broken French, and she replied, in her rather lame English: "Why," said one of the party, "do you not speak French, madame? I am sure you must be ab!e to speak it" The Baroness gave them a keen glance and repl ed, "Yes, I speak French, but not in the house of the American Pres-d?nt- Though I speak English poorly I ?Teak it be:e as well as I can." The party were' not dnli enough to nrss the rebuke in the calm and lady like remark, and thj Baroness cont n ued: "I do not like to speak French anywhere. It is a foolish and frivolous language and I dislike it. Why should one use it when one can express herself in the English, which is the noblest and best language in the world, as America is the greatest and grandest Nation in the world. I am proud to speak in the language of the Ameri cans." . The giddy young misses began to converse in English, at least while in Madame de Struve's presence. Some of them told the story, and its circula tion caused the young lady who won dered that the Baroness did not speak French, some mortification. Washing ton Cor. Cincinnati Commercial-Gazette. FEET IN DIFFERENT STATES. rctlal Anatomy Kast, South and West, Ah Viewed By the Shoemakers. "There is a decided difference in the shape of people's feet in different sec tions of the country," said a member of one of the largest shoe-manufactur ing firms in the city last week. "In the Eastern States the feet are narrow er and somewhat longer than in the West, while in tho South they are not only narrow but they possess very much higher insteps. So much is this the case that we are obliged to keep three sets of lasts for thee three sec tions. That comes to be a large item, I can assure you, when it is remem bered the number of sizes there are in each set. For example, in one size alone we have the initial number say sevens; then therj are narrow sevens, broad sevens: seven and a quarters (narrow and broad), seven and a half (narrow and broad), seven and three-quarters (narrow and broad) that is, twelve pairs of lasts to one size, and to each of these sizes wo must have three different styles for the sect ons of the country to which we are going to send our goods that is, thirty-six pairs of lasts to one size pair of boots. Sounds rather ex travagant, doesn't it? Of cour-e this is only the case with firms who deal with all thee sections. "Some firms only send their goods to one part of the county. Mow. you would be surprised to be told that in different sect ons of the country differ ent shapes of the toes of boots are ns quin d. Out in the West nothing will suit Lut the square-toed shoLi, where in in the Eastern States asquare toe would be in stock a century and then never sell. Dillercnt parts of the country reriu re different k:nds of leather, al"o. In the North and West a tougher, hard er leather can be worn than in the South, where not only a soft 'upper' is necessary, but, owing to tho sandy, hot so 1, quite thin soles are necessary. For this kind of wear it is not unusual to use imported leather tha s, for the 'uppers' but for soles we employ domestic productions almost exclusively. riulaaeipnia I'ress. . m m The yan-yan of the Southern States has been known to drop from the apex of its leaf, between sunset and sunrise, enough water to fill a tea saucer. The rain-tree," though growing in com paratively dry places, drops enougl mo sture n a n ght to make the sur face of the ground actually wet. Phi'- aaepna I :mr:S. CROWDED TOWNS. Seriou- Qi-estioua That are Pressing for Solution. It is easy to understand why towns and cities are becoming overrun with an extra number of laborers, mechanics, tramps and idlers. At the price of farm produce farmers can not pay as high wages as are offered laborers or clerks in the towns. The young man in the country who is toiling ten or twelve hours per day, and out of the reach of saloons, billiard halls and other place of evening amusement, is not content to work for twenty dollars per month, when lue learns that some of his young acquaintances are clerking in town for fifty or sixty dollars per mouth,' with all the advantages of city life. He is uneasy and d'sappointed with farm life, and rashly breaks loo.e from home and friends and goes to the town. ; He prob ably fa Is in getting employment, and goes to the next town, or to some large city, where he th'nks he has better op portunities of employment. He lias but little money, wh eh is soon gone. He has to abandon respectable boarding houses and respectable company. He is thrown amo:ig the worst characters, who are shrewd and plausible in schemes for making or getting money easier than work on a farm, or even by clerking. The consequences are honest young men are frequently led astray, first apparently in honest enterprises, then by those of more doubtful pro- riety, until he is a tramp or aeriminal. n this way. the ranks of the idle and vicious are constantly recru'ted, and the towns are full of them, which the police are not able to detect or sub lue. The c'tk's are already, in all depart ments of industry, over supplied with help. Chances to obtaiu lucrative or large salaries are scarce, and constant employment for the common laborer is almost imposs'b'.e to be had. Pu d c improvements do not employ half the force they did three to five years ago. Tne depressed price of farm produce will not justify paying higher wages or employing mere hands on the farms. The reductioa of the tariff two vjars ago to the amount of about $10,000,0 )0 takes that amount yearly from the laborers, artisans, mechanics and man ufacturers of this country and gives it to that class in Europe. Tlie.se things are creating uneasiness, restlessness and idleness. And idleness is th p i rent of vice and crime. It is a difficult problem in political economy to solve. Crowding to towns for higher wages, abandoning the frugal and honest" in dustry of the farm, is rapidly recruiting the army of idle men who will b.wm ' desperate in sentiments arid actions, and thinking "the world owes them a living," ., hether they make an honest effort to earn it, they will imbibe the communistic principle, and make war on capital and economic industry. These are serious questions to be sol d in the future Iowa Slate lleghtcr. A SUCCESS. One School of .Journal ixm That Is Cn- quiiUMcdly Successful. One of the schools of journalism has become a great su-. cess. During a mini ber of years many attempts to teach the art of journalism were made, but the results were so far from being satis factory that with one exception thev have all been failures. This one col lege realizing the impracticab'litv oi the curriculum previously a lopted. threw it as'de. employed a mm who ha I. during many years, been mgaged n active newspaper work, and uitro dueed a cour-e of study, the achieve ments of wh eh have proved that jour nalism can be taught in colleges. The following is a report of the exercises through wh'ch a graduating class was conducted: "What is a law student?" "A rising young lawyer." "What is a. med'eal student?" "A promising young doctor." "What is a voting member of the Legislature?" "A silvery-tongued orator." "If a man should marry an ugly woman, how would vou write up the affair?" "I should speak of the beautiful and aceompl'shed bride." "How would you speak of a loafer?" "I should refer to him as our enter prising fellow townsman." "What is a drummer?" "The handsome and popular So and So." "In writing up the commencement exereses of the female college what would you say?" "I would sav that Urn beautiful young girls, soon to become ornaments of so eiety, were eharnvng in their featherv array! "If a countryman were to bring you a lot of hard apples what would you say?" 3 Our farmer friend. Colonel So and So, honored us with a call yesterday. Aside from giving us the pleasure of his own genial self, he laid upo our table a collect'on of the most choice apples we have ever seen. Come again. Colonel, when you have longer to stay." "Com et. How would vou speak of a litlle girl?" "Would call her a fa'ry." What woul I you say of a boy?"' "Would speak of his bright, intelli gent face." " "What would you say of the man who keeps a few bolts of calico?" "I would speak of him as one of the most sucees -ful me chants in the State." Yes, this school of journalism is a success. It dclinc - the true position of the local uewspa 'r. It makes the business so clea " that the student, though a fo)l. neeu not err therein. It attempts no revolution; makes no mis takes. A nmnc Trn 'vcr. What is mo.-t needed at this mo ment in Tenessee is a unanimous sup port by tho press of the tangible and solid projects that are afloat for the benefit of the people, such as immigra t on. the opening " m'nes, and the es ablishmont of ma ufactoi'es and work shops. The material progress of the State should have the support and countenance of every man in it. and everything that looks like the foment ing of political malice, hate and dis content should be frowned down. Let us have peace and with it prosperity. Memphis (Tenn.) Appeal. f; READ Lw o. THINK IVl-ni n Opinion by a Lawyer Which wm a- Valuable as Any for Which lie Kecetae:S a Fee, I ' The late Charles O'Conor. perhaps the most, profound lawyer New York City has produced, gave a piece of ad yice to a young tuau which is valuable as any legal opinion for which thej dis tingu'shed lawyer ever received a! fee. A la. I wrote to him, giving a long list of books which he had already gone through, and asking advice as to a course of reading. Mr. O'Conor re plied that "he had not only not read, but had not known even by name I one half of the books his correspondent ap peared to have read. He would, not. therefore, undertake to advise ! him what to read, but he could safely ad vise him to read less, and think more." This anecdote comes from a recent number of the Century. The advice was not, however, origi nal with Mr. O'Conor. In the Philadel ph'a Ledger some l ine since an older authority was quoted to the same pur port, l'robablv the same sound wisdom could be traced back to the time of the invention of printing. "Read less (of trash) and think more" has a pithiness wlix'li makes the advice all the more easy to keep in mind. And following t would enable the "temperate" reader not only to think, but to remember more of what he reads. Ueniembering more would give a practical value to the ideas acquired ami the facts obtained, s Per haps Mr. O' Conor's opinion on reading is to be oualified a li:tle by his practice. It seems that his reading was very much cntined to the purposes of his profes s'on. No doubt this limit increased his wonderful ejliciency in his legal pur sues. But it would be a great abridge ment of mental freedom to restrict the reader to his spee'alty and forbid excur s ons outside of that. The mindj is en larged by a variety of topics, and there is scarcely any subject, however foreign to a thinking" person's daily life,1 from which he ma-not derive some advan tage. There is nothing in the way of learning which stands so much alone that it can not be illustrated byj; other and indeed apparently dissimilar mat ters. Still the caution holds good to most realers "read less and! thiuK more. " S e n t if c A m c rica n. . . CARPETS. An Interesllng- Serap of C.irpct lllslory. In lToo English Axininsters were first made. But it was not until 174' that a loom was constructed which would pro duce a Brussels carpet, and just here is an exceedingly interesting anecdote which has been handed down from father to son as an inviolable i truth: During IT.'') and 17'5 John I Bro.mi traveled through Tournay and Bru-sels studying the stitch which was then known as Brussels stitch. In Brussels, particularly, weavers were at the time making a carpet named after the town the Brussels carpet. Broom ! studied with much earnestness the mvsterv of the ma-nnfacture. and finally made the ac juaiutance in Tournay of a j weaver understanding the secret. He and th s weaver immediately repaired j to En gland, and near Mount kipct. Kidder minster, they put up the first Brussels loom, 1710. They operated in jibsohite secrecy, but in time their j modu operandi was exposed. Broom land his Belgian workman labored night and day, and it being known where their operations were conducted, some enter prising fellow el'nibed to the window and, night alt-r night, from his; perilous perch ou side, he studied the operations of the mechanism within, until he was able to carry away in his mind: a model of the Brussels loom. Then a second firm and several others soon came into the field, and in 17.r3 Kidderni'nster was doing considerable in the way of Brussels. To-day there is hardly any thing else but Brussels made in Kidder minster. Philadelphia Carpet Traih Journal. I m j -, The Secretary of the London Swim ming Club submits the theory that salt water is a cure lor innacy. Bvellle at th White House. Eve:y inmate of the White House must now report for duty at 8 o'clock a. m. , How Cultured Boston Plays Poker. Boston Gazette. The intellectual game of draw-poker has taken a firm hold on the dwellers in cultured Boston, and the teachings of the Concord School of Philosophy arelor a time for gotten. A correspondent recently ov-heard several fair daughters of the Athens of America indulging in this 'pleasant pastime, when the following dialogue ensued: An astasia: "Is it my aunt? Oh, yes I Well, there's a solitary check." Oytemne3tra: "I will bestride! your desti tute of sight, dear." Proserpine: "Well, draw your cards, girls. I will remain Patrick.'' ; Hillicent: "Well, I will wager a half -score of checks." Anastasia: "I behold you and j elevate you five." i Proserpine: "I fear that you are feigning to possess more than you really have, but, nevertheless, dears, I call you." An astasia: "I have a homogeneous trio of aces." Millicent: "And I a Robert-appendaged flush. Proserpine: "While I hold a quartet of knaves." I Millicent: "Well, dear, then you take the ceramics." The Dissipation of Koller Skating. In the evening they teel as 1 if they could skate on lorever. I The next day, being incapacitated eitbez for pleasure or business, they eac vow men tally never to enter a rink- Tbnex night they go again. A. Crime lie Wouldn't Commit. Snap. I In state prison I dwell, I have poisoned a well, I have turned on the gas in tho dark; I have kidnapped a lad, I am awfully bad. My nvirders have caused some remark. I have broken bank locks, I have robbed the poor-box, I've deserted my children and wife; I have taken my lot In a dynamite plot, ! But I never ate peas with a knife. I Too Much Head for a Mere Clerk. Denver Times. Dry Goods Merchant: "So, sir, you think you could learn to become a salesman?" "Yes, Bir." ; "We'l, suppose you were waiting on that man and his wife over at the lace counter. What would you do first V "I should hold up the best piece of lace in the stock and ask the man if he didn't think it was becoming to his daughter's style of beauty." "Well, what thenf i "Oh, nothing. The woman would take care of the rest of it." j "Young man, I don't want you for a clerk I wane you for a partner." ! Arithmetical Progression. IBurling-ton Hawkeye. One of Disraeli's sayings was: "Addition is the bounden duty of a bachelor. 'When he has mastered it, multiplication will follow as a matter of course. n This is very true, and in these days of easy divorces division and substruction are often the sequel. Perils of Metempsychosis. Burlington Free Press. J There is a religious sect in Ohio which be lieves that when human beings die they turn into cats. Doesn't It make a man shiver, though, to think that perhaps be has been slinging bootjacks all winter at his wile's grandmother. "New York Graphic: A Syracuse man has procured an autograph of Queeu Victoria by sending her 25 cents with hia request. This opens up a new revenue of wealth for the monarchs of the effete East. Boston Post: The dog licenses run out on the 1st of April, but the improvident dogs don't teem to have thought of the matter at . c. Yreasnrer ot tne tnttea btsu CONRAD If. JORSAIT. In consequence of the resignation of Mr. Wyraan, Secretary Manning appointed on April 23 Mr. Conrad N. Jordan to that posi tion. Mr. Jordan hails 'tt-om Morris to wn.-" J., but has lived in New York for many years, and has been e gaged in the banking business in various capacities. He has been quite well known in Wall street for about twenty-five years,vAiefly through his con nection with the Third National bank and the New York, Ontario and Western railway. Ho was made cashier of the Third National bank upon its organization, in ISM, and be remained in that capacity for 10 years, or until 1880, when he resigned to accept the treasurership of the New York, Ontario and Western Railway company. Morally and mentally Mr. Jordan is known in Wall street as a man of strict in tegrity and great determination. lie is a fearless man, but is considered here excit able and testy, and often gruff in hia man ner. It is said that when he was settling up the affairs of the Gold Exchange bank he was present, as the accountant, at a meeting of the memotrs of the gold exchange and the credito . of the bank. Some statement of Mr. Jordan s was questioned, whereupon, bo the story is told by one who waj prent, Mr. Jordan rose in his virtuous wrath and in a manner that was as vigorous as it wai un parliamentary made thingi exceadingly live ly for the man who, as he believed, had as sailed him. Mr. Jordan's courageous spirit has also oeen shown in highly honorable ways. Upon Dne occasion as he was crossing the North nver on a ferryboat, when ne was on nu iray from his summer borne at Enle wood, N. J., to the bank, a young lady passenger fell into the river. Qack as flash Mr. Jordan jumped alter ber. ind, being a good swimmer, succeeded saving her life. Then, be quietly -rent his way to the bank and never told in body how it was he appeared in wet ;lothes. Mr. Jordan, who is about 53 years old, is Df full figure. He looks vounger than he is, ind still bears traces of having been an ath letic young man. He has gray hair and mustache, a ruddy complexion, snapping fray eyes and a brusque manner. JL Patriotic lrlb Statesman. THE LATE ALEXANDER M. BCLLTVAX. , The cause of good government in Ireland received a severe blow by the death of Mr. A. M. Sullivan, at Dublin, on Oct 17, at the age of 54. Beginning life aa an artist, in which be displayed remarkable natural tal ent, his patriotic impulses caused him to re linquish art for jourralum and politic, to which be gave earnest, studious thought and, as a result, accurate judgment. As editor of The Nation and proprietor of Tiie Dublin Morning News, he kept bimsolf in the front as a leader of Irish thought anl a moulder of opinion. He was a member ot par liament for eight years, and one of the foun lera and the best advisers'of the land Kague. lielieving as he did that It was only throun practical agitation, within the law, that the grievances of his country could be remedied. An evidence of this was shown in his opposition to tha Fenian compiracy. In 1861 Mr. Bullivan married a New Orleam la ly, who, with her eldest daughter, accom panied him on his last visit to the UnkoJ Slates in They All Knew They Knew. Voriland Advertlaer.l A Portland man who had commonly mispronounced the nama of Mrs. Hemans by giving the along souni attempted to find out from several of bis acquaintances if they had fallen into ihe same ci or. Not wishing to give a :lew to the point in question, he aked usually, as if for information: "Who is the author of The Breaking Tavcs Dashed High." " The answer promptly given was, "Mrs. Sigourney. The same day he asked another friend the same question: "Who is the author of 'The Breaking "Waves Dashed High?' " "Leigh Hunt." IIo pen-evered in this method and anxiously inquired from still another: "Who is the author of -The Broaking Waves Dashed High;'" This one had no doubt -whatever, and boldly replied, "Julia Ward Howe." The ntxt time the question was asked it was asked in this form, "How do you pronounce -n-o-in-a-n-sf"' XUeitea uii'rui New York Letter. There is a difficulty which the managers of the Eden Museo have encountered here in town. The Eden is a museum of wax-works. The temperature has been nigh to 100 every day for a week. That softens the material of the exhibits, and destroys the likenesses. But that docs not necessarily spsil their utility. It only necessitated the alteration of labels. President Arthur's face clou ;atod of iUe'f , like a goU of molasvei canJy still warm. They did not throw it away, but transferred it to the chamber of horrors, where it serves for tho evil and misanthropi-- visage of a murderer. The dumpling of a Patti used to stand in a group of stage pei-sonnigds in the main halL Her round, rosy face was an ex cellent portrait until 'iis month's heat gradu ally narrowed it Now she is a woman who atrociously slaughtered her four children and committed suicide.