The Columbian., May 23, 1884, Image 1

THE COLUMBIAN.
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ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
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E. O. ADAH3, Editor and Proprietor
THE COLUMBIAN.
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VOL. IV.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, MAY 23, 1884.
NO. 42.
UMBIAN.
i
TEE WHIRLPOOL.
In the shade of the headland, a span from
the shore.
The whirlpool lies coiled in sleep
Who could guess that that slumbering brow
ever bore
A frown that is crafty and deep?
Yet 'tis here in the blast of the hurricane's
breath
That the sonl-laden ships find a doom;
To the musical moan of this circle of death
Do they paw to their fathomless tomb.
Youth in its bloom,
Age in its gloom.
Mother and father, the maid and her mate,
Master and slave,
Finding a grave
In this mad magic circle, the whirlpool of
fate.
In the heart of the citv, in turmoil and din.
The whirlpool doth fearlessly ride;
In its merciless torrent are virtue and sin,
The parson and thief side by side;
Here the hand of the peasant is gripped by
the glove
Of the gallant who lives but to lie,
And the maiden to-day who is learning to
love.
On the morrow has learnt how to die!
Vice with its paint,
Crime with its taint;
Cradle and coffin, the lowly and great;
Billows of blood
Cresting the flood
Of this mad magic circle, the whirlpool of
fate.
AMATEUR ARCHITECTS.
A FEW OF THE ANNOYANCES WHICH BESET
PROFESSIONAL HOCSE-DESIOXERS.
Detroit Free Press Interview.
' What is another one of the dis
agreeable things which beset yon ?" '
"The patron who comes into your
office with a plan he has ' made all by
himself ' and wants you to follow it.
You ask him if he made the drawing to
a scale, and he admits that he has not,
announcing at the same time that that
won't make any difference, as he knows
just how much room he has got and has
planned accordingly. Then you sug
gest that nothing can be told from his
drawing as to how the building will
look, and he, getting mad, tells you to
go aheard and if it does not look all
right it will be his fault."
"That's fair enough if he takes the
blame.
"Hell take the blame soon enough,
but kicks like a steer when, after we
hare made a drawing to a scale, he finds
his plan a failure, and that we ask pay
for humoring his fancy. Why it would
just break vou all up to see some of the
amateur plans and designs I have in
my office."
So sarin? the architect escorted the re
porter to his office and fixing him com
fortably in an arm chair, placed before
-him a large portfolio filled with ama
teur efforts. They were very interest
ing, embracing all classes of architecture
from the Gothic and Gothic-Normandi to
the most unique combinations of
Grecian and Gra?co-Roman contours.
Talk aliout the Detroit high school
building, it is a nonentity compared
with most of these efforts. Scale!
there was none; but efforts at harmony
and originality were visible every
where. One particularly striking
effect was shown, where a dwelling
house, having thirty-two feet of front
age, was concealed behind a portico
sixty-one feet (according to the width
of the building as shown in the plan)
high and forty-four feet deep. An
other charmingly original idea was a
house with a front door sixteen feet
wide, and windows eight feet wide, and
a two-story house at that. Another
plan, the designer of which evidently
wanted an observatory, showed a cot
tage with a tower 116 feet high, ac
cording to the scale to which the
draughtsman unconsciously worked.
And so on, were discrepancies with
out number, and all of them ludi
crous beyond measure.
"Just fancy trying to do something
with this," said the architect, laying a
drawing in water colors in the re
porter's lap.
The plan, evidently the work of a
lady, gave, in perspective, views of two
sides of a proposed dwelling house. If
it were possible to build according to
the design there would be a house of
cut stone, with a double arch at one
corner resting on two stained glass
windows, each twelve feet wide, while
a very early English chimney would
pass through the arches and windows
to a point in the besement, through
which a doorway had been cut. Fi
nally, surmounting the heavy stone
arches which rest on glass supports,
would be a tower balcony eight feet
high and twenty-four feet square.
A PUZZLED BLVEJAY.
Cor. German town Telegraph.
At the back end of my store, and just
outside of a window, is a box on which
we mix the dough to feed the chicks.
On Sunday morning when I shaved my
self I took my mirror, etc., to the win
dow, so I could have a good light. Just
as I finished my work I noticed an old
bluejay drop down on the box and be
gin eating the dough from the pan of
chicken feed. As I was on the opposite
side of the glass it did not see me. I
looked at it for a moment and then "for
fun" turned the mirror around so the
glass would face the bird. It was just
taking a mouthful of dough as it looked
up and saw, as it supiosed, another
jay with its mouthful also. It seemed
greatly astonished and failed to swallow
its food for some time, but soon did so,
and thon in bluejay style "bowed," as
much as to say "good morning, sir."
As a matter of course the glass made
the other jay bow also, and the
next salutation was "kechunk!
kechunk !" I suppose that is jay
language, but do not understand it.
Then it proceeded to fill its mouth full
of dough again, and its shadow did the
same. ' This seemed to anger it very
much, and, after giving one bluejay
war-whoop, it flew against the glass.
Its astonished look at the result of its
attack was laughable. The first thing
it did was to retreat to the farther side
of the box and from there eye the an
tagonist. After gazing for some time
its hunger overcame it, and it took- an
other mouthful, "as did the shadow."
The jay stopped with full mouth,
turned its head first one way then the
other, and finally hopped around the
glass and stood face to face with me.
Our faces were not more than six inches
apart, and I never expect to see a more
astonished look than was in its eyes
just then. But one look was enough;
and, after another big jay yell, it made
as good time from there aa a bluejay
aver made, I guess; and my dough has
reataintd undisturbed evar iacs.
A FEMININE FINANCIER.
Christian at Work.
Many women are extravagant, absurdly
and thoughtlessly so, and ruin their hus
bands financially. Many men are miserly
and mean, thoughlessly so, absurdly and un
wisely so, and destroj not only their wife's
happiness, but their own also. All this
arises from a lack of perfect trust in each
other. Little Mrs. Gray's story in a late
number of Peterson's tells us a good lesson.
The young husband and wife had just risen
from a nicely spread table, and the room
was neatly and tastefully furnished.
There was no indication of pov. -ty there,
yet Mrs Gray's voice and manner were
faltering, as she asked for some postage
stamps.
How many V asked her husband, curtly.
"Three will do. I thought I would writ
to mother and the girls."
"Did you ever reckon up, my dear, how
much you spend for postage stamps iu the
course of a year I" asked Mr. Gray, as he lit
his fragrant cigar. "Well, let us see. You
write at least five letters a week, which is 15
cents, and 5i times 13 are $7.80 a year, to say
nothiug of paper and envelopes. I have not
a correspondent in the world outside of my
business."
"Your friends,'' said the wife, "live near
you, while mine are in another state. Do
you wish me to give up my writiug to
them?'' And her face took an extra tinge of
color.
"By no means. I merely mentioned the
cost of the thing. But I must go. Good
bye." "Albeit!" she said timidly.
Mr. Gray turned back.
"Can you leave me $3 or $01 I want to go
down town to-day."
-Five or six dollars!" exclaimed Mr. Gray
in astonishment. "What on earth can you
want with $5 or $0.''
"I knew you would wonder, but I have
needed some money for a long time to get
some necessary article"
"I gave you $3 last week."
"I know it, and I used it for materials to
work up our church fair."
"Church fiddlesticks:" said Mr. Gray con
temptuously. "Why I can't see what you
need with $5 or i."
"Here is a list of what I need," said Mrs.
Gray, handing a little slip of paper to her
husband . One pair kid gloves, $'2 ; one pai r kid
slippers, $2; one pair Balbriggan hose, f 1; Si
lesia, "J5 cents; crepe de liss;, 50 cents total,
$5.75.
"Crepe de lisse! What is thatf
"Ruffling for the neck."
"Will it washr
"No."
"I thought so. A sheer waste of money.
What fools women are! What would a man
think of putting a piece of stiff, white pery
nothing around his neck that costs 50 cents.
And $4 for gluves and slippers! Well, I
must say, Annie, you are growing extrava
gant. I pay for your dressas, bonnets and
all the essentials, without a murmur that i
" 6aid he with sundry recollection to the
contrary, "when they come within reason
able bounds. But these little things things
which are of no earthly account f should
think you might do without."
"They are what no lady can do without.
The slippers are to save my nice walking
boots. You yourself noticed my gloves last
Sunday, and said you detested a soiled or torn
glove. Stockings are rather necessary in our
land, and "
"Say no more. But why is it that these
wants come all at once?"
"For the simple reason that, hitherto, I
have bought them myself, with money earned
by plain sewing. But since my illness in
autumn it hurts my side to sew much, and I
have had to give it up."
Mrs. Gray enjoyed her husband's brrrifled
look.
"Plain sewing! Annie, I thought you had
more pride."
"I had too much pride to beg of you what I
could earn myself," said she with some spirit.
"Well, here is $4.50. Try to make that
do." And he hurried off.
Mrs. Gray sighed.
"He means well," she said, "but men seem
to think women are like children, not to be
trusted with money."
Meanwhile Mr. Gray was soliloquizing.
"Strange how extravagant women are.
Annie is the best little wife in the world,
but she does not know the worth of money
any more than a child. That $4.50 will be
spent before night. Women can't keep
money."
Mrs. Gray went down town as intended;
but she walked instead of riding, in order to
save her money. While down, she felt faint
and hungry from her walk, and would have
liked a lunch, but she had no money to spare.
"Oh! by the way, Annie, did you go down
town to-day f asked Mr. Gray at supper that
night.
"Yes."
"Spent every cent, I'll be bound," jokingly.
"No, I have exactly 2 cents left; but-1
walked both ways, got no crepe de lisse, and
went without luncheon although faint with
hunger."
Mr. Gray looked shocked.
"Why did you not come to taeP
"Because it was out of my way ; and be
cause, to tell the truth, 1 felt too cross."
"Cross with me?"
"Yes with you:" and poor Annie's griev
ances burst forth.
"To be going along the street hungrier than
any beggar, while my husband is known
as the successful Mr. Gray! To have
no money in my pocket because my hus
band thinks I am not to be trusted!
Before I married you I was in business
the same as you; that is, I earned my living
by teaching ; you earned yours by trading.
Now, suppose when we married, you had
given up your business to assist me or because
it interfered with your new duties, and I al
lowed you no money to spend as you chose.
I dressed you well, to be sure; but gave you
no money without the whys and wherefores
and whithers being inquired into; in short
treated you as you do niel"
"You exaggerate the case, Annie, Men
and women are differently situated. I
should think you would be glad to be saved
the trouble of earning a livelihood."
"But just consider the disadvantages of an
empty purse. Put yourself in my place.
How would you like it?"
"Why if I only had to ask first rate."
"Well, then, suppose you let me carry the
pocket-book for a week."
"But, Annie, it isu't practicable. You
couldn't attend to business at the store."
"Of course not. It is only your personal
expenses I will regulate. You come to me
for what you with to spend for yourself, that
is all; and give me your word that you will
take no money from the store."
"All right. I'll do it, just to show you
that it is easy enough. Here's the pocket
book." And he gave it into her hand. "Bat
I'll take a quarter, first, to begin on I"
"What do you want of a quartern
"Cigars."
"Well, here are two 10-cent pieces; try to
make that da Did you ever reckon up how
much your cigars cost in a year! Let me see.
You smoke at least two a day, at an average
cost of 10 cents apiece, which amount to IL40
a week. Now, 53 times 140 makes $72. 80 a
year, to say nothing of those you give to
your friends. A" hundred dollars will
scarcely cover your expenses in that line."
"As our friend, Abigail Stillman, says,
Who'd a-thunk it,'" said Mr. Gray, laugh
ing, but be was surprised to find the sum so
large.
The next morning Mr. Gray had gone some
distance from the house before he remembered
that he had only 25 cents.
"I'll risk it," said he to himself. "Perhaps
Til not want to buy anything. I'll show
Annie that a man can do without money."
"Hello, Gray!" cried a voice, interrupting
his reflections. "What is the brain study
about" It was his old friend, Frank Ray
mond. The two men had not met since Mr. Gray's
marriage, and as Frank was to remain in
town for a week, Mr. Gray invited him
home.
He lit a cigar and handed its mate to
Frank; as he did this, the two conversed of
old times, until they reached Mr. Gray's place
of business, when they separated. Frank
agreed to be at Gray's at 6 o'clock. Annie
was apprised of his coming by a note from
her husband.
Going home that night, as was his invaria
ble custom, he ran into - Benton's to buy some
cigars. Benton was surprised to see him
drop the dozen be had taken up.
"Are they not good," inquired the dealer.
"We think them our choicest." ,
"They are good, but on second thought I
will not take any to-night."
Mr. Gray had always purchased cigars as
he used them ; but now he wished he had a
box at home. However, he decided to ask
his wife for some money, and run out and till
his case without his friend's knowledge.
Twenty-four hours had passed, and he had
already liegun to experience a feeling of
shame, and a disinclination to ask for money.
A thought of Annie crossed bis mind.
"Pshaw ! she doesn't have to treat her friends
to cigars," he muttered.
Frank Raymond was already at his house,
and Annie had a tempting little supper for
them: and Annie was looking her prettiest.
When supper was over, he took Annie
aside and asked for a dollar, which she gave
him grudgingly. Then he excused himself
for a moment and bought some cigars. They
were wretched affairs, however, and filled
the house with a villainous odor, for he bad
to get them at a new place, Benton's being
too far off.
The next day the two friends started out
together, when Mr. Gray, with an air of
having forgotten something, said: "Excuse
meamiuute,"
"I'll go back with you if you have forgot
ten anything," said Mr. Raymond.
Mr. Gray clapped his band to his pocket.
"I thought I had forgotten my pocket
book, but I haven't," he said. "So, it's all
right," and then he hurried on, his cheeks
tingling with shame at the deceit But he
could not risk having hi friend go back
with him and stand by while he asked for
money.
Mr. Gray was lucky that day. He had no
calls for money, and he had half a dozen of
those horrid cigars left, a couple of which he
smoked on the street after his friend left
him. In fact, he concluded to risk another
day in the same way. But ou this day he
realized the old adage. "It never rains but it
pours," for from being asked to change a bill
to getting his coat ripped, and asking for
credit at his tailor's, the day was a series of
mortifications.
Annie was unaware of all this. In fact,
she thought her husband was failing to
realize the situation, so, when, at night, Mr.
Gray asked her for money to spend the next
day, she wickedly put him off with some
excuse, and ingeniously evaded the request
until he was forced to prefer it before his
friend.
"You want a $1 or $2! What do you
want with a $1 or $2P
"There, Annie, don't bother a fellow. I'm
in a hurry."
But with grave deliberation she drew out
a quarter and laid it down, then another,
and another.
"Let me see three quarters 75. 10 la 85
1095, and here is a 3 cent piece 93 cents.
Will that ioP
"Yes," andMr. Gray hustled them Into
his pocket and hurried from the room.
He was in hopes his friend would inquire
into the cause of the scene, when he would
tell him of the compact and how it orig
inated. It would then pass as a joke. But
Mr. Raymond did not make any remark. In
stead, he thought to himself:
"Good gracious! What a grind she is!
And I thought her so pretty. I never sup
posed Albert would make such a meek hus
band. Catch me getting married and hav-'
ing quarters doled out to me in that way?"
He pitied his friend's embarrassment, but
did not appear to notice it. Instead, he
chatted unconcernedly of old friends and
past times. Suddenly turning a corner they
met two mutual friends. Hand shakings
and inquiries followed, and the four had so
much to say that Mr. Gray decided to send
a note to his partner, and spend the fore,
noon with bis friends.
The party now adjourned to a restaurant,
and Mr. Raymond, aware of the exact
amount of his, Mr. Gray's, funds, ordered
lunclu
The next day, which was Sunday, Mrs.
Gray, without being asked, gravely handed
her husband 50 cents. Mr. Raymond was
present, but did not appear to notice it. He
was apparently engrossed in the book he was
reading. But he heard Mr. Gray ask:
"What's that for? Oh, the contribution
box! Thank youl" But to himself he added:
"Why not save it to go with the 25 cents I
have already, so as not to be compelled to
ask for money on Tuesday? Then I can suc
ceed in getting some for Monday's trip with
out the knowledge of my friends, and this
farce will end without any more unpleasant
ness.' Before separating, a little excursion to
Beech island was proposed fer Monday. Mr.
Gray invited them, meantime, to spend the
evening at his bouse, Annie was in excel
lent spirits; and sang, and played, and wa9
altogether charming. Mr. Raymond, re
membering the money, decided that matri
mony was deceptive.
Monday morning came only too soon; for,
try as be would, he could not get the atten
tion of Annie, when he endeavored to broach
the projected trip. Fidgeting with bis knife
and fork, be cleared his throat at last, and
made a plunge,
Mrs. Gray elevated her eyebrows.
"To the island! Pray what for? It is hardly
the time for excursions."
Mr. Raymond really pitied his friend's evi
dent distress, so he said. Jokingly:
"Why, you see, Mrs. Gray, we want to get
off for a time, as we used to when boys."
The lady smiled grimly and said:
"Albert is, as you see, too extravagant by
half. I can't, in the present state of our
finances, give my consent to his going." With
these words, spoken with great composure,
she walked off, leaving the gentleman to
themselves.
"Albert, I never would stand that," said
Frank, vehemently. "To be tutored like a
schoolboy I Haven't you any money at the
store? If not, call on me for any amount, and
let us hurry, or we shall be late."
"No, I am afraid I cannot go. I am
pledged not to take any from the store, and
it would not be right to asoept any from
you."
Glad of an excuse. Mr. Gray then told his
friend the secret of bis wife's conduct.
"Whew? so that is it," said Frank. "Well,
I'm glad to have my faith in womankind re
stored; but isn't she overdoing the matter?
Did you ever refuse her money before
others?"
"I think I diil, last summer, when Mrs.
Ogden was visiting her. .They wished to visit
a friend residing in Biddleford. I thought it
was foolish and told ray wife so, aud finally
refused my wife the money. The truth is,"
apologetically, "1 had met with heavy losses,
and felt that we must economize."
"Why not have allowed her to use her own
judgment. Perhaps she intended to econo
mize in other ways," said Frank,
c "I believe she said something of the kind.
But, to tell the truth, I had got into the way
of thinking that women needed to be contin
ually curbed, or they would run into extrav
agancies." "It's a shame to treat a high-spirited
woman in that way."
"I realize it now fully, more fully than you
can, unless you go through with my ex
perience. Annie said she had done plain
sewing to pay for things she needed rather
than ask me for the money. I understand it
now; I would far rather have earned the
money for our trip by sawing wood than
have asked for it. Fancy having to always
ask!"
"Do you know, Albert, I am glad this ha9
happened! I may marry some time; in
fact, Tm thinking of it strongly, and now I
shall avoid the course you have taken.
Otherwise I presume I might have done just
he same. I believe a great many men do."
"Do? "Why, yes. My mother never had a
penny without asking father for it, and she
helped to earn it all, and was prudence
and industry personified. I'll turn over a
new leaf. Ah, here comes our friend."
Mr. Raymond, to Mr. Gray's great relief,
said it would not be possible to go on
the proposed trip, owing to unforeseen cir
cumstances, whereupon Mr. Gray, in an off
hand manner, proposed that as Frank could
not go, they should all come to his bouse that
evening again. "My wife will be glad to see
you," said ha
The week had jiassed, and "Richard was
himself agaiu," or could be if he chose; but
his wife had mirrored his past actions so
truly and forcibly that he had no wish
to repeat himself. Annie had
taken care to curb his extravagancies
by giving him always a little
less than he asked for, and invariably
inquiring just how he speut it, and, mean
time reckoning up how much he luul each
day, with great exactness. All this, as he
knew, was copied from bis own custom. Be
sides, he reflected, if he found it so disagree
able for a week, how much more so must it
seem, year after year, with no prospect of a
change? In fact, he felt himself to be the
meanest man in existence. " 'Tis one-half to
own it, and the other half to reform," we
supect.
"There, Albert." said his wife, "I am glad
the farce has ended.
It was Tuesday evening at half-past 6,
precisely, when Mrs. Gray said this. At the
same time she handed her husband his pocket
book: and then returned to her seat.
Mr. Gray counted the money carefully, and
then divided it into two equal piles.
This accomplished, he crossed over to his
wife and placed one in her lap, saying:
"Henceforth we shall share alike. Buy
what you choose. I have faith in your pru
dence and judgment. I am not infallible.
Why need I sit in judgment upon you?"
Mrs. Gray's eyes glistened with pride and
happiness as she replied:
"Believe me, Albert, you shall never reg-et
this; for now I shall have an opportunity to
use my reasoning faculties."
And Albert never did regret it.
liarfleld at Home.
James A. Brisbin in The Current
Soon after the Chicago convention I was
solicited by a Philadelphia firm to write a
life of Garfield, and, thinking his life well
worthy of being presented to the American
-people, I at once repaired to Mentor to con-
2 It him about the work. I found the gen
al at work on his farm and seemingly more
concerned about finishing his new house than
his election.
Hardly were we seated in the "Snuggery"
before he inquired if I had met his mother,
and on my replying in the negative, he said:
"Oh, you must meet mother!" and he led
the way down stairs to the sitting-room
where his mother was. She looked almost
diminutive beside her stalwart son. How
little could I have believed, had any one told
me, that that thin, white-haired old woman
of 79 would survive the son by her side. I
asked the old grandmother if she was not
gratified at her son's nomination to the
presidency, and she said:
"No; James has a good enough office al
ready, You know he is a senator for six
years from next winter; he can be at home
in summer with us when the senate is not in
session, and if he were president I suppose be
would have to stay in Washington all the
year."
I told her she could go there and lire with
him, but she only laughed aud said she was
too old to travel much and did not think she
would like to live in Washington.
While we were talking Mrs. Garfield came
in with a work-basket aud sat down to darn
the children's stockings, and the old grand
mother joined her.
Here let us leave them, as pretty a picture
of domestic peace and joy as the American
people could wish to look upon. The general
spoke so often of his old mother, and so ten
derly, I could see she was constantly present
in his thoughts. He attributed all he was to
her, and never ceased to follow her counsel:
"Remember God and study books."
Xo More Advertising for Him.
Philadelphia Times.
"Mr. Jones," said the reporter, "I saw an
advertisement in a morning paper for the
owner of an umbrella left in your saloon to
call and "
"That'll do. It's gone, aud you'd better go,
too," he suggestively added, glaring savage'y
at the reporter across the bar.
"Great Jumping Joseph, will they never
stop coming ?" he asked, turning to the young
man at the end of the bar.
"You are the fortieth man who has called
here to-day about that miserable cotton um
brella," he added, addressing the reporter.
"There have been men here to-day for that
umbrella who were never in the place before
lawyers, doctors, politicians, and divinity
students. I'll never advertise another um
brella as long as I live," he said to the bar
tender. A Hint to Pious Pilgrims.
Chicago Herald.
A party of Bostonians who visited London
recently took occasion to go over to Chelsea
upon a pious pilgrimage to the house of the
late Thomas Carlyle. On the door of the
house which stands next to the historic man
sion was a large placard bearing the pathetic
legend: "No questions about Mr. Carlyle
answered here. Please do not ring."
Children' Parties.
The Lanout does not approve of children's
parties, and thinks that not only In winter,
but at all seasons, the amusements of young
children should be sitople, unexciting and as
free as possible from the characterlriios of
the pleasure of later ygara
THE ARCTIC FOOD SUPPLY.
What L.Iut. reely's Brother Has to
Nay on the Subject." j
: Newburyport (Mas.) Valley Herald.
The vessels for the Arctic to relieve
Lieut. Greely will bo ready to sail May
1. As early as January 30 the ice be
gan to move southward, and this was
considered a good indication of open
water this season. As we have fre
quently said, we beljeve in no danger
to Lieut. Greely, 'unless it came
from a hazardous attempt j last
summer to force his way -outh
in obedience to governmeni orders.
After he left the Greenland vil
lages, .he passed a very ' inhospitable
region abandoned by all living thing-.
Here he found the weather cold; bat
pas ing up it grew warmer to near the
point where lr. Kane terminated his
explorations. There he found an
abundance of animals, with duck-nests
full of eggs on which the old ducks
were sitting, and on the scattered
Eatches of bare earth flowers were in
loom. The vessel lay a week unload
ing and then left.
This was the last seen of that party :
but their hous j a large frame building,
the sides and roof of four
th cknes-ies, house within house
-was in process of erection;
their provisions had been secured
and two miles away was an inexhausti
ble supply of coal. To illustrate tho
situation photographs were taken every
day and the plates sent to Washington
by the return vessel. A few days ago
ex-Alderman J. A. Greely, brother of
the lieutenant, had fourteen of those
pictures printed ; one exhibited the
results of their first day's hunting
three musk oxen, which would yield a
ton of beef, and 105 birds one-half
geene of large sie or Muscovy ducks
nearly the size of our geese. In the
course of a bu9y week they had killed
eleven musk o.xen, one I ear, one! seal
and an enormous quantity of birds ; in
all, Lieut. Greely wrote, "enough fresh
meat to supply for three months." !
Why should anybody think of dying
in a country like that where the death
rate is less than in the army in our
latitude ? . N hy starve with plenty of
guns and ammunition enough for 6even
years? They had gonH north to the
open sea," which Kane's men claimed
to have discovered, but found it not.
As soon as they could am.nge their
affairs they proposed a journey towards
the pole, and as it was distant less than
600 miles, and they have had two polar
days two summers for progress, why
should we doubt that they have either
reached it, or gone hundreds of miles
nearer to it than any human being
ever went before? Jf the climate con
tinued as mild, there was nothing but
success and glory before them ; if it
grew warmer, as it had for norae hun
dreds of miles last past, what could
prevent their solving the great prob
lem on which others had labored and
risked? They had their dogs; and
sleds, their boats and their hteaui
launch, and an abundance of necessary
equipments. 1 nly one thing is against
their covering the whole question ami
being back in September, and that is
that Lieutenant Greely, belonging to
the army and being a strict disci
plinarian, may have obeved his orders
to his own destruction.
loyalty nnd M jobbery.
Le tr in Philadephia Record. !
Speaking of ' coats-of-arms, a friend
of mine some time ' ago busied herself
in making a collection of crests, mono
grams and things of that sort, which
she pasted in a scrap-book. Having a
number of foreign friends, she was en
abled to get some very tine specimens
of foreign coats-of-arms; but the most
gorgeous one iu the entire collection,
one that was at least an inch and a half
in length aud breadth, and was colored
with every color of the rainbow, was
that of the Astors, and the simplest one
was that of Queen Victoria. The latter
has simply a small coronet embossed,
without color, on the letter paper. My
friend, who is something of a humorist,
has the Astor crest and that of her
majesty facing each other on the page,
with the name of the families wr.tten
underneath.
Thu What and the It.
Bnrlington Hawkeye.J ;
A What, oscaping from its keeper,
was walking down the street, occasion
ally mingling in a feeble way with the
Human Beings who jostle! by, when it
met a lonely It, surrounded by a New
market. "Ah, deah boy,"- said the What,
"'tevah's mattah with you? Twousahs
bag like a sailah's, don't y' know?"
"Alas," replied the broken It.
"Bweadfnl. isn't it? V see, they came
home new lawst night, don't y know,
and my. valet, he pulled them on the
tongs to stwetch them, and he's made
perfect bags of them, don't y' know ?
An' I just want to- die, deah boy, 'pon
honah, I do now."
. And shedding a tear as large '. as a
pea, the unhappy It was drowned in its
briny depths.
Fat 31 en Sot Wanted.
New York Times. J
It is announced that Commander
Schley, of the steamer Thetis, to search
for the Greely party, has adopted' a
rule which is en orced with officers as
well as with the sailors under him,
that no one shall accompany the expe
dition in any capacity who weighs more
than two and on:-half pounds to every
inch of height. Experience has shown
that men who are heavier than that in
proportion to their height do not stand
the Arctic reg'ons well. Capt. Schley
prefers that they weigh bnt two pounds
to each inch of height. This rule af
fects a number of officers who other
wise would have been acceptable.
.TCsthetle Kdltorlal Manrtara.
Chicago Times.
A notable feature of Philadelphia
journalism is the physical magnificence
in which it is intrenched. Instead of
little dens in the fourth or tenth story
of a huge building, the editorial sanc
tum is a boudoir of aesthetic beauty on
the ground or first floor up. Pictures,
flowers, busts, rocking-chairs, lounges,
knickknacks, mirrt rs, and frescoes
aboun 1. Lverything calculated to
attract attention, secure admiration,
and divert thought from concentration
is provided, aud there in beds of ease
th writers toil.
Dakota Landscapes.
Western Letter.
Although mirages are common here,
especially in the winter, some three
weeks ago one was seen rivaling any I
had ever beheld. - It lasted from sun
rise until noon. In every direction there
were constant changes ; one minute ob
jects seemed inverted; barns, bouses,
fences, cattle, and in fact everything
visible on the ground, appeared
above us. Again they would spread
broader and .farther away, and again
come quite near. Objects far off were
brought to sight. Last night we had a
very a ngular and beautiful sunset. Just
as the sun disappeared below the hori
zon the western sky was one flame of
red gold, and from the sun came a far
more brilliant flame; in fact, a broad
ribbon of fire entirely distinct from the
general color. . As night began to settle
down, hues of green and blue appeared,
producing something of an auroral
effect.
I will not weary you v.with what at
be-t would only be a tame description,
but will tell you of the last wonder.
Oftc n have I heard people speak of
wild nights and wild effects at sea ; but
two evenings ago occurred the wildest
scene I ever saw on land. At this
season the prairie is one vast plain of
snow a level white which at times is
ghastly. The moon was not quite half
full and was about two hours from set
ting, and the heavens in that quarter
were black with clouds. From the
moon, up and. down, was a ribbon of
light, and on each side, at equal dis
tances, were two more like sun dogs.
Many persons went out to see the sight
and "returned with a tremor of fear I
On the morrow came a heavy storm.
From a l.irr-lnsnrsace standpoint.
Col. Green, president of the Connect
icut Mutual Life-insurance company,
says: "In one of our large cities, con
taining a great population of beer
drinkers, I had occasion to note the
deaths among a large group of persons
whose habits, iu their own eyes and in
those of their Iriends and physicians,
were temperate; but they were habitual
usess of ' beer. hen the observation
began, they were, upon the average,
something under middle age, aud they
were, of course, selected lives.
"fox two or three years there was
nothing very remarkable to be noted
among this group. Presently death be
gan to strike it; and, until it had
dwindled to a fraction of its original
proportions, the mortality in it was as
tounding,, in extent, and still more re
markable in the manifest identity of
cau.se and mode. There was no mis
taking it. The history was almost in
variable robust, apparent health, full
muscles, a fair outside, increasing
weight, florid faces, then a touch of
cold, or a sniff of malaria; and instantly
some acute disease, witu almost inva
riably typhoid symptoms, was in violent
action ; aud ten days or less ended it.
"It was as if the system had been kept
fair outside, w hile within it was eaton to
a shell, and at the first touch of disease
there was utter collapse; every fiber
was poisoned and weak. And this, in
its niuiu features, varying, of course, in
degree, has been my observation in
beer-drinking everywhere. It is pecu
liarly deceptive at first; it is thoroughly
destructive at the last'
Hariority of Arab Arm.
Nv York Tribune.)
During the cavalry combat at 1 Teb
the Lnglish troopers found that their
swords were no match in temper for the
spears of the Arabs. The weapons of
even the British oflicers in some cases
bent when blows were delivered,
while those of the men proved too short
to reach the'r active and wiry oppo
nents, who threw themselves from their
own horses when charged upon, and
endeavored, by sheltering behind hil
locks and bushes, to get behind their
assailants and hamstring their animals.
One naval captain who was in one of
the squares saw that a gap had been
made in one of the faces, into which
the enemy were crowding. He
threV himself into the opening,
but the sword bent the first
blow he delivered. Instead of retreat
ing, however, he began to knock the
Arabs over right and left with his fists,
and strangely escaped without a wound.
The name of this officer was Captain
Wilson, of H. M. Hecla, and no doubt
the Arabs rather respected his eccen
tric method of fighting, supposing
either that be was mad, and therefore
sacred, or that he carried an amulet,
and was therefore invincible. The cav
alry declare that the Arab spears are a
much more effective weapon than their
own swords, which may readdy be be
lieved if, as stated, the latter bent like
pieces of hoop-iron when used. But
this is not the first time the deficiencies
of the English cavalry swords have
been- pointed out.
His rhtloftophy.
New York Sun.)
Both were seedy fellows in hard luck.
One, the younger, was, evidently, a
song-and-dance man, with Bowery
trousers, a short, tightly buttoned coat,
and a shallow hat. The other was a
victim of the adverse circumstances
that produce philosophers, and every
thing about him betrayed his condition,
although his face reflected his equanim
ity of mind.
They had just been delicately but de
cidedly reminded by a bartender that
the Trust company had suspended.
I ain't had a bit of sand or a drink
to-day," the younger complained, sneak
ing around the corner.
"Never mind, Sammy," the other
said encouragingly, "the sun will shine
on both sides of the street next month."
A C'lrens Beanty.
Exchange.
A circus man says it requires a person
of good, commanding size, large
features, big eyes, and a striking con
trast betwoen the complexion and color
of the hair to be beautiful in the ring.
The greatest circus beauties are often
quite homely in the parlor.
Submissive.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Little flaxen Hair Papa, it's rain
ing. Papa, somewhat annoyed by work in
hand Well, let it rain.
Little Flaxsn Hair, timidly I was
going' to.
CRAZY ON WALL STREET.
How an Insane Man Proposes
to
Blow l'p donld'o Atalsnta.
Triable" in New Orleans Tim-Deniocrat.
I met the daft fellow who 'had tot
weeks made Wall street smile with a
scheme for blowing up Gould's steam
yacht, tho Atalanta, by means of an in
fernal machine already secreted in her
hold, and then gathering the gold, with
which, he declares, the millionaire has
laden the vessel.
"How's this?" I said. "A week ago
you assured me that Gould was bound
for the antipodes, and that he intended
to bury his cargo of bullion and bonds
on some desolate island. Now here he
has come back, safe and sound, and I'd
have lost my money if I had. bought
into your explosive company
He hooked a forefinger into my but
ton-hole, drew me out of the crowd a
little, and whispered: The Jay Gould
Loot company was all right, up to a
certain juncture. I knew beyond quas
tion that his yacht was loaded down
with gold. I smuggled an infernal ma
chine into the hold, and left it woundup
to explode in precisely four weeks or
about the time, according to my infor
mation, when he would get well out on
the ocean. Then I set about forming
the company, which was to charter a
vessel, follow in the course of the Ata
lanta, remain near her until after the
burst-up, and then dredge for the treas
ure." "But Gould is returning home, and
biff! away goes your scheme."
"Away goes the whole lower end of
New York, Brooklyn and Jersey City.
The clock-work is jiggering right along,
and the time for the bang is at hand."
"So your stock is going to have a big
boom ?"
"Safe to bet on it. But tain't safe to
stay in town after the Atalanta is
sighted off Sandy Hook. Maybe I'll
come back to raise some of the sunken
bullion, but I don't mean to bo within
100 miles of the explosion."
Only a trifle more insane than some
of the sober promoters of financial
schemes is this demented Wall street
man, who excites so much merriment
with his plan to despoil Gould.
Chinese Gordon at Hebatopol.
(London Telegraph.
An old British army pensioner re
lates this story of Gen. "Chinese" Gor
don : On the first day on which fire
was opened at Sebastopol from the
twenty-one gun battery, the sand-bags
forming one of the embrasures caught
fire from the flash of a too closely
mounted gun. A corporal and a sapper
of the engineers were told off to repair
the damage. The corporal ordered the
sapper to mount the embrasure, and
Eroposed to hand up the fresh bags to
im. They were under heavy fire at the
time, and the sapper, with some want
of discipline, certainly, demurred to
this arrangement, and suggested
the corporal should get up, and that he
(the sapper) would go en with the
handing-up business. There was a bit
of a wrangle over it Gordon, who
was passing, inquired into the matter,
and quietly telling the corporal, "Never
order a man to do what you are afraid
to do yourself," got up on the pile of
bags himself and said, "Come up here,
both of you," and then ordered the
men who were working the gun to
hand the bags np. The storm of bul
lets swept over Gordon and the two
men, but his charmed life seemed to
protect the trio. He finished his work,
and came down as coolly as he had
mounted, but the lesson was never for
gotten, and there's a fine ring about the
words, "Never order a man to do s
thing you are afraid to do yourself."
Beginning or the -Cattle Business."
Chicago New-a
A ranchman named Wilson, of Colo
rado, now said to be worth some $2,
000,000 to $3,000,000, some twenty-five
or thirty years ago made the trip to
Pike's peak with a team or two of oxen,
and which .hauled himself and family
and all their possessions. A short time
since this adventurous settler, through
a lawyer in this city, sold one of his
ranches to an Lnglish company for be
tween $400,000 and $500,000. It was a
curious circumstance that first directed
Mr. Wilson's attention to the capabili
ties of Colorado as a stock-raising state.
On his way to the peak a yoke of his
oxen gams out. He therefore turned
them loose, as he thought, to die. A
year or so afterward he was passing
through the same tract of country, when
he came upon his oxen, looking in
splendid condition.. He at once made
up his mind if oxen could stand such a
winter as that which this yoke had just
weathered in such prime condition that
stock-raising would be a profitable busi
ness in Colorado, ne immediately
went into the business, with the result
that now "cattle upon a thousand hills"
are his, besides several ranches and a
mansion in the city of Denver.
An Opossnm farm.
Savannah News.
Thomas Chancey has started a. novel
business at Hawkinsville. He has gone
into the 'possum business on an exten
sive scale and proposes to raise these
much-sought varmints for the market.
His ranch is located about a mile from
town and is inclosed with wire fencing.
This was done in order to keep Calvin
Brown from trailing them off into the
swamp with his pack of hounds. Ha
has commenced with ten, but will
greatly increase the number during the
year. As the average piney woods
possum finds ready sale at 40 cents
apiece a fine, fat, stall-fed 'possum
would of course bring double that
amount, and 500 at 80 cents apiece
amounts to $400, which is nothing to
be laughed at.
Life Prolonged.
Exchange.
The duration of life in England is on
the increase. Men's lives are prolonged
two and women's three and one-third
years beyond the limit of thirty-five
years ago. The change is ascribed to
various causes, prominent among which
are the influence of the publio health
act, the progress of the temperance
movement, and the diminishing viru
lence of the epidemics.
The risibility editor of The NewTork
Times has just announced the discovery
of the bacillus that eats out the holes in
the trowssrs and ooats of small boys.