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About The Columbian. (St. Helens, Columbia County, Or.) 1880-1886 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 11, 1884)
... t i s s THE COLUMBIAN. Published Every Friday, at ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., Oil., ' BY E. 0. AD A1IS, Editor and Proprietor. Subscription Rates: One year, in advance ?2 00 Six months, " 1 00 THE COLUMBIAN. V 1- rr-"T r -- Published Every Friday, . at .' ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., Oil., E. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor. A Advertising Rat"es: One square (10 lines) first insertion. . 2 00 Each subsequent insertion 100 f VOL. IV. ST. HELENS, .COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON,1 JANUARY 11, 1884. NO. 23. Three months, " 50 COL UJM THE MODERN GINEVRA. But the "Spring-Lock Hid in Am bush Thero 'Didn't Fasten' II r Down Forever." Detroit Free Press. Tliii fair Imogen. D'Eustis Iwl loon wedded to the kni-btly fr'am Higgins. Tha clergyman bad Uen handed ?i in eahh to pay for tne splicing, tho guests were filling them selves j with eatables, mid eve ry thins was sliding along: as snuxthly as a cider mill sail ing down on a spring freshet, when all at once tho bride was mising. Her newly found husband looked under the table, but she was not there. Tho gue-sts separated to search. Som looked down the well others' down collar others in the hen-coop and smoke-house and ln-hind th pi.r pen. No Imogens. Then somo said that she had leon aMucted, wliile others. scotTed . at the tiea, of a frirl weighing l' pounds and having a scream which could le heard two miles, Leiiig car .,ried off in broad daylight, and in a neighbor hood where tho Democrats had over twohun 'dred majority. A detective was called in. lie looked at her old shawl, measnml the length of lier . shoes, and. decided that it was a mysterious .altair, llewtmll take the case if desired, but would not promise any satisfactory solu tion inkier a year and a half. ' The fair Imogeue's father hadn't ln.-t rayed much excitement up to this point. The wed ding feast was the first square meal ho had tackled for six months, and he wanted to fill up b -fore giving way to emotion. He was now fuIL He turned around upon the ex cited and distressed guests, commanded them to hush their hullaballo, and disappeared up stairs. AVhen the coy Imogene slipped away from the feast it was to see if her husKand woul.i miss and follow her. She slid up stairs, mounted to tho garret, and after brushing tho cob webs oft" her ne.se she advanced to tho big blue chest in the corner. Tho c hest had leen made to hold her father's government londs, ami was hooped with iron and pro vided with a spriug lock, which never cost less than a dollar. Her mission was to hide in the ch?st an I see if her huslxin 1 would h- soft enough to climb up there mi l throw up the lid mid call peek a-io. As the reader knows, he wasn t the man to catch on. The old man D'Enstis walked up stairs and made his way to the garret through the sam-3 traj-doorthe bride had used. He thought she might be up there to take a last farewell look at tho bunches of catnip, moldy school looks and broken spinning-wheels. He could not see her. He called aloud, but the whistle of tho tug on the river was the only answer. He turned to go, but something whispered to him that perhaps he might find a plug of to lacco or a bottle of stomach bitters in the old chest. He advance 1 with lo tting heart and threw up the lid. Why, x'P, is this you:' cried the fair Imo gene as she sprang up and ripi-ed her bridal dress clear down the ba.-k. "Yes, this is rfie!" growled the old man "and what the jimcracksareyou doing here', "Hiding from Sam." "I'm a tarr.at min I to b x your cars, big as j-fui are! Hero .you've raised a regular city convention all over the hous:', spoilt a dress which cost 11 with the making, up set your mother, Jiul sc ;rt old Mrs. Spigot into a fk ! ' "Please, pop, I '"Von gil! Irap yourself through that trap-hole, skip down there and tell the crowd that you don't know beans when the bag's untied."' And the bride g t. A-id h -r hubaa J was so mail that h. b;irn-l up a free railroad pasa to Chicago, and her mother cried, and her" father wtnt oif down town to lay poker, and, taken a'-l in all, the coy brid - au.l tho old dnst and the s;riug lock business didn't pay 10 cents o;i th dollar. lie Asrc-:l That It Would. In front f a Detroit butcher shop yester day a butcher sat cleaning a revolver. It was a rusty old "Colt" which had not li-n used for years an 1 was to lie put in ord-'r and traded otF. A shoemaker came along di rectly and observed: "Of course- tho re 11 I- au aecidenu'' "Y-e-s, I presume so." "It isn't loaded, is it:" "Oh. no." "But it will go otr."v "It will." "I never saw a revolver without wanting to handle it. I.t me look at that w upop Ah! I'm satlsti"d now that it doesn't c nt;in any stray bullets. J K you suppose you could hit my foot at that distance'"' "Certainly I could. Now, if she was loaded I'd 'take a dead sight like that and pull tho trigger and '' The sh'X-maker jumped two feet and yelled like an Indian, and when he came down hu danced arid kicked and gallojx-d around until )eople thought him crazy. It was only after ij crowd had collected and cornered him up in tho shop that any oi:o found out the trouble. The Lutein -r hail put a bullet along tl.e-sole of his foot dose enough to draw blool. "I tol I you she'd go nlf'" howled the shoe maker, as he sat with his lxjot in his hand. "And "lidu"t I arce with j-ouf innocently responded the butclur. I'ai-alyz'n;; a ISaggagenian. "Check my baggage, t-ivf exclaimed a not unmusical voice at the Central deiot yester day morning. The tosser of personal prop erty reached out h;s horny hand with the bit of brass in the same nonchalant way tlint ho lias done it a thousand times Iv-fore. Hut his indiirerence was disjjelled when he saw tho voucher disripiK-ar in the pocket of a gentle man's coat, which was stretched over tho skirt of a full length lady's dress. Lifting his astoi.ishtjd eyes from tho frills and ruffles of the ample lower garment ho saw a well rounded chest clot lied in a neat-fitting waist coat: next a shapely neck encircled with a No. 1'5 turn-down collar increas,sl his wonder; then a head with closely-cropped black hair, surmounted by a jaunty Derby hat, filled him with astonishment. The mystery was soon solved, for io answer to a tew kind questions the one robed in mystery declare 1 that she was a girl; that her name was Miss Bryant; that she hailed from Fulton, Oswego county, and was not a doctor nor a disciple of Mary "Walker or Miss Bio. utM'. And she likewise affirmed tliat she was not a reformer, never knew of any one who had adopted her mode of dress, and tiid not know as any one would. Her object was comfort and economy. She heslcd not the suppressed whisjT of the ladies or the glance, of askance of tho gentle men, but buiel herself in an apparent a-sthetio reverie over a little bouquet fas tened on the lappel of her coat. Decided at KaMt. A Texas debating society debate! tho question, "When a watermelon vine runs ou to another mail's land, who owns the melons." The referee decided that tho . c lored man who lived about a -t.ilo and a !af from the two farms, owned the melons. B08 TINKHAM'S LITTLE TAD DIE. AVhy the Oid Lawyer Shoved Back From the Table and "Didn't Feel Like Play In' Keerdg." . After tho hand was played, and while the ho-sotnan and ho justica weie dis cussing as to whoso deal it was, the old lawyer sat with elbows on the table, his chin resting on his hands. He seemed to be thinking of something far, far away. Now and then his heavy gray head nodded slightly and his parted lips moved as if he were saying some thing away down in his soul. He had forgotten the ganio ; his mind was over whelmed with the past, and tho fond memories that ilitted beforo his eyes aided tho glistening drops that stood in them to shut out the vision of the pres ent. ' 'There's your hand." - "j. Tito words aroused the old " lawyer, and he raised his head, but his eyes held fast their gaze on the tablettop. "Hoys," said he, roughly brushing the tears from his eyes, and wiping his spec tacles, "I s'poso it's awful foolish like fur a big feller like mo to sit here a cryin', but whsn I seen them marks there they 'minded me o the day Bob Tinkham sot right here where I do now au kep' game there on the table. That was nigh twenty years ago, but somehow I can't get it off my mind how Bob sot here a-langhin' an' jokin', an' havin' the host kind o' time, an' all at once, with out a bit o' warnin', how Jim Dempsey como carryiu' Bob's little boy Taddie in, an' nid as how the palo little fellow had I. .en run over by a hay rack and was dead. Bob was jest makin' that 'ere mark that's only half as long es he rest when Jim kicked in the door and put tho boy on the floor right there by that 'ere winder. I've seen a good many pretty solemn-like things, but that was tho solemnist thing I ever seen. Liittle Taddie warn't dead, but jest as Jim put him on the floor he opened them pre'.ty little blue eyes o' liis'n au'said: "Oh, papa." Then to see Bob Tinkham great, big, husky man as o was git down on 'is knees an' cry like 'is heart 'd break, it was enough to make the meanest man in the world boo-hoo right out. An' then little Taddio said: "Oh, papa; it's gittin so dark oh oh iapa, don't let little Taddie die. , Tell Dod not to let littlo ' and Taddio broke off what he was sayin' jest as his pa had broke oflf makin' that mark right in the middle, an' he never said another word in the world. "An' Bob Tinkham, as he never prayed sinco he como to Oxford in '37, put his hands towards the roof an' told God he didn't know nothing about prayin', but he'd give anytlung he had if Taddie'd jest open his eyes once more and only say papa jest once. An' then he prayed like I never heard no body pray before senco I was born ; an I said to myself 'tain't big fine words that gits up to heaven, but it's feelin's jest like Bob Tinkhaiu's. An', boys, sure as you live, I've been sorry ev'ry senco thet I couldn't a laid down there an died an' let littlo Taddie live. Jest think, an old critter like me u ith roomatiz all over me so's I can't do nothin' worth anything for anybody I kin live along furever, but a little boy like Taddie, jest when he's havin' all the fun there is in life has to up an' die and leave everybody that loves 'im an' wants 'im to live. I tell ye they kin say what they're a mind to 'bout there be-in' no other world after this 'un, but ef there ain't then thiugs ain't built on the foundation of justice, that's all. Say, boys, I .don't feel like playin' keerds no more to-day." And tho old lawyer pushed back from the table and sat a long, long time with his elbows on his knees, and his face on his hands looking at the floor. Military Dridg Knildlns. Among the military maneuvers in Europe this season ha been bridge building at Presburg by a battalion of Austrian pioneers (engineers), assisted by 2i.S reservists. At tho place chosen the Danube is iG'J metres broad, with maximum depths of seven metres, and the velocity of the current is more than four miles an hour. Bridges of differ ent kinds, formed both by pontoons or boats and rafts, Avere thrown across on succeeding days. Openings were made on some occasions for ships to pass, and closed again in the usual way by swing ing a part of the bridge back again to its place. Slight bridges vere con structed for light traffic and stronger for heavier carriages. Sometimes the bridge was made in tho common way, by ad. I ng pontoon to pontoon; some times rafts were finst constructed, then swu'", into their places and fixed there. On &ie occasion the bridge was partly built with the ordinary military means and partly with material found on the spot. The time occupied varied from au hour and a half to an hour andthree quartes. The opening for ships to pass was made in two minutes .and a half and closed in threo minutes and a half. Cremation In Portugal. The ercmationists have won a decided victory in Portugal. After a long and bitter fight between the advocates of the plan, led by physicians and scientists generally, and the opponents, who were fhiefly priests, the government has decided to make cremation optional with the people generally, and com pulsory in all cases of death occurring in districts infected with the plague. The government is said to favor a general compulsory cremation law, but is restrained from making so radical a change out of fear of tho church. A Kupieiou Nursical Instrument. "I thought," said tho senior Baggies, as ho produced a suspicious-looking black bottle from his son's valise, "that thero was nothing but your surgical in struments in this bag." "That's what I said, dad." "Then,, sir, what do you call this ?" "That ? Oh, that's my eye opener, dad; very useful instrument; very useful; indispensable, I assure vou." Under the sceptre of tho czar of Bussia live thirty-eight different nation alities, each speaking it own language, which is foreign to all others. THE MAN ON THE LEFT. The geuUoman on the left, Kate do you know hut? He has looked frequently towards you." "Hasher' "Who is it?" "1 cannot tell. I have not seen him." "Suppose you look?" I prefer not. I came toaee the play. Ia not Helen Fauehet superb f "So, so. I wish you would tell mo who that gentleman on the left is. I am sure he knows you, and ho is strikingly handsome. " "At present the stag interests me. Besides, if men are rude enough to stare at strangers, there is no occasion for us to imitate theui." "Your ladyship has no curiosity f "Not any ; I exhausted it some time ago." 'Her ladyship was not telling the truth; ehe was intensely curious, but it pleased her at the time to piqoe the honorable Selina Dorset. That strange sympathy that makes us instantly oonsciotts of a familiar glance, ven In a crowded building, had solicited her regard just as Holina had advised her of it, If she had not been asked to look toward her left, she would probably have done so; as it was, she resolutely avoided any movement in that direction. The play finished in a tumult of opplnuaO. Lady Kate Talbot forgot everything in her excitement, and as she stood up flushed and trembling, she inadvertently turned toward the lef r. Instantly she recognized a pres ence wLh which she ought to have been familiar euough. Tho gentleman bowed with an extreme re spect. Lady Kate acknowledged tlte cour tesy in a manner too full of astonishment to be altogether'gractous, and the elaborate po liteness of tho recognition was not softened by any glance implying a more tender inti macy than that of mere acquaintance. My lady was silent all the way home, and for some reason Selina was not disposed to interrupt her reverie. It did uot seem to bo an unpleasant oue, Kate's face had a bright flush on it, and her eyes held in them a light a light that resembled what Selina would have eal'ed hope and love, if my lady had not been already married, and her tlestiny apparently settled. "Selina, when you have got rid of all that lace an 1 satin, come to my room ; I have something to say to you." Selina nodded pleasantly. She was sure it concerned the gentleman on the left. She had no love affairs of her own ou hand or heart at present, and being neither literary nor charitable, her time went ht avily on ward. A little bit of romance, especially if connected with the cold or proper Lady Tal bot would be of aU things the most interest ing. She was speedily unrobed, and with her long blonde hair hanging loosely' over her pretty dressing gown, she sought my lady's room. Lady Talbot sat in'a dream-like still ness, looking into the bright blaze on tho hearth. . She scarcly stirred as Selina took a large chair beside her, and scarcely smiled when she lifted one of her loosened curls, and said, "What exquisite hair you have, Kate! True eolden." "Yes, it is beautiful. I kuow that, of course." "Of w hat are you thinking so intently f "Of the gentleman on our left to-night." "Ah, w ho is he? He seemed to know you." "lie ought to know me much better than he does. He is my husband, Lord Richard TallKt." "Kate!" "It is true." "I thought he was in Africa, or Asia, or Eurojie, or somewhere at tho end of the world." "He is now in England, it seeius. I sup pose he just arrived. I have not seen him before." "Where Ls he staying, then?" "I presume in the left wing of this mansion. I notice there are more lights than usual in it to-night. His apartments are there." "Now, Kate, do tell me all, dear. You know I love a romantic love affair, and I am sure this is one." "You were never more mistaken, Selina. There is no love at all in the affair. That is the secret of the whole position. I thought that as you were staying here this week, and might probably see or meet my lord, it was better to make all clear to you. People are apt to associate wrong with things they do not understand." "To lie sure, dear. I suppose Lord Richard and you have had a little disagreement. Now, if I could only do anything toward a reconciliation, I should bo so hai py, you know." "No, Selina, thero has been no quarrel, and you can do nothing at all letween us. I don't want you to try. Just lie kind enough to ig nore the whole circumstance. Lord Richard and I understood each other nearly four years ago." "Rut it is not four years sinco you mar ried?" "Just four years yesterday." "And my lord has been away " "Three years, eight months and eighteen da3-s, so far as I know.' "Well, this is a most extraordinary thing, and very, very bad, I must say." "It miht easily have leen much sadder. I am going to tell you tho exact truth, and I rely ujjoii your honor and discretion to keep the secret inviolable." 'My dear Kate, I would not name it for the world." "Listen, then. One -night, when I was scarcely 17 years old, my father sent for mo to his study. I had known for months that he was dying. He was the only creature that I had to love, and I loved him very ten derly. I must, mention this also, for it partly explains my conduct that the idea of disobeying him in anything had never pre sented itself to mo as a possibility. This night I found with him his life long friend, tho late Lord Talbot, and the present lord, my husband. I was a shy, shrinking girl, without any knowledge of dress or society, and very timid and embarrassed in my man ners. , Then my father told me that it was necessary for the good of both houses that Richard and I should marry, that Richard bad consented, and that I must meet a few friends in our private chapel at 7 o'clock in the morning a week later. Of course these things were told me in a very gentle manner, and my dear father, w ith maiiy loving kisses, begged me as a last favor to him to make no objection." "And what did Lord Richard sayT "I glanced up at him. Ho stood near a window looking out over our fiiu old park, and when ho felt my glanco he colored deeply and bowed. Lord Talbot said rather angrily, "Rijhard, MissEsher waits for you to speak." Then Lord Richard turned to ward me and said something, but in such a low voice that I did not catch its uteatii tg. "My son says you do him a great honor and pleasure," exclaimed Lord Talbot, an 1 ho kissed me and led me toward the unwilling bridegroom. "Of course I ought to have hate I him, Selina, but I did not. On the contrary, I fell desperately in love wi b him. Perhaps it would have been far better fur run if I had not. Richard read my heart in my face, and despised his easy conquest. Aifornn, I suffered iu that weak and toi tiirin;; sus spouse of a timid school 'n in love. 1 dressed myself in tho best of my plain, un becoming, childish toilet, and watched wearily every day for a visit from my promised husband; but; I saw no more of hiin until our wedding morning. By this time some very rich clothing had arrived for me, and also a London maid, and I think, even then, my appearance was fair enough to have somewhat conciliated Richard Talbot But he scarcely looked at me. The ceremony was scrupulously aud coldly per formed, my father, auntimd governess being present on my side, and on Richard's his father and his throe maiden sisters. "I never saw my father alive again, he died the following week, and the mockery of our wedding festivities at Talbot castle was suspended at once in deference to my grief. Then he came to Lond3n,and my lord selected for his own use the left wing of the house, and politely placed at my disposal all tho re maining apartments. I considered this an intimation that I was not expectod to intrude upon his quarters, and Iscrupulous'y avoided every approach to them. I knew from the first that attempts to .via him would bo use less, and? indeed I Celt fSfe-sorrowful and humiliated to tiy. During the few weeks that we remained under the same roof wo sehlaai met, and I am afraid I did not make ffteao rare interviews at all pleasant. I felt w oagpd and miserable, ami my wan face and bfATJ eyes were only a reproach to him." "Oh, what a monster, Kate!" "Not quite that, Selina. There were many excuses for him. . One day I saw a paragraph in The Times saying that Lord Richard Tal bot intended to accompany a scientific ex ploring part w hoso destination was central Asia. I instantly sent and asked my husband for an interview. I had intended dressing nryself with care for the meeting, and mak ing one last effort to win tho kindly regard, at least, of one w hom I could not help lov ing. But some unfortunate fatality always attende 1 our meeting, and I never could do myself justice in his presence. He answerel my request at once. I suppose he did so out of respect and kindness; but the consequence was, he found mo in an unbecoming disha bille, and with my face and eyes red and swollen with weepinj. "I felt mortified at a prompt attention so inalaproios, and my manner instead of 1eing winning and conciliating, was cold, unpre possessing. I did not rise from "tho sofa on which I had been sobbing, and he made n attempt to sit down beside me or to comfort me. ; "I pointed tc the paragraph and asked if 'it was true. : " 'Yes, Lady Tallt,' he said, a little sadly and proudly; I shall relieve you of my pres ence in a few days. I intended Writwell to call on 3-ou to-day with a draft of the pro visions I have made for your comfort.' I "I could make no answer. I had thought of a good many things to sa-, but now in the presence I was almost fretful and dumb. Ho looked at me almost with pity, and said in a low voice, 'Kate, we have both been sacri ficed to a necessity involving many besides ourselves. I am trying to make what repara tion is possible. I shall leave you unrestricted use of three-fourths of my income. I desire you to make your life as gay aud pleasant as you possibly can. I have no fear for the honor of onr name in j our hands, and I trust that and all else to you without a doubt. If 3-ou would try and learn to make some ex cuse for my iosition, I shall be grateful. Perhaps when you are not in constant fear of meeting me, this lesson may not be so hard." "And I could not say a word in reply. I just lay sobbing like a child among the cush ions. Then he lifted my hand and, kissed it, and I knew he was gone." "And now, Kate, that you have lecome the uut brilliant woman in England, what elo you intend to do f "'Who knows? 1 have such a contrary ttreak in my nature. I always do the thing I do not want to do." Certainly it sonied like it, for, in spite of her confession, when Lord Talbot sent the next morning to request au interview, Kate regretted that she had a prior engagement, but hoped to meet Ijrd Talbot at the duches' of Clifford's that night. My lord bit his lijs angrily, but neverthe less he had leen so struck with his wife's brill iant Ijeauty that he determined to keep the engagement. She did not meet him with sobs this time. The centre of an admiring throng, she spoke to him with an case and nonchalance tha would have indicated to a stranger the most usual and commonplace of acquaintanceships. He tried to draw her into a confidential mood, but she said, smilingly, "My lord, the world supposes us to have alrevady congratulated each other; we need not undeceive it." He was dreadfully piqued and the pique kept the cause of it continually in his mind. Indeed, unless ho lef t IxMidon, he could hardly avoid constant meetings which were con taut aggravations. My l;tdy went everywhere. Her beauty, her wealth, her splendid toilets, her flue manners, were tho universal theme. He had to endure extravagant comments on them. Friends told him that Lady Talbot had never loen so brilliant and so bewitch ing as sinco his return. He was congratu lated on his influence over her. In the meantime she kept strictly at the distance he himself had arranged four years ago. It was evident that if he approached any nearer his leautiful but long-neglected wife, he must humble himself to do so. Why should he not? In Ixrd Talbot's mind the reasons against it had dwindled down to one. It was his valet, j This mau had known all his master's matrimonial troubles, and in his own way sympathized with them. He was bitterly aveir-o to Lord Talbot's making any concessions to my lady. One night, how ever, ho received a profound shock. "Simmons," said Lord Talbot, very . de cidedly, "go and ask Lady Talbot if she will do me the honor to recei a visit from mef My lady would le delighted. She was in an exquisite costume, and condescended to exhibit for his pleasure all her most bewilder ing moots. It was with great reluctance he left her after a two hours' visit. Tho next night he stayed still longer. My lady had no other engagement, and he quite forgot tho one ho had made to bo present at the mar quis of Stairs' wine party. The following week my lady received every morning a basket of wonderful flowers, and a littlo note with them containing a hoie that she was iu good health. One morning sho was compelled to say that she was not very well, and Lord Talbot was so concerned that he s?nt Simmons to ask if he might be permitted to cat breakfast with her.' My lady was graciously willing, and Lord Richard was quite excited by tho permission. He changed his morning gown and cravat several times, quite regardless of Simmons' peculiar face, and, with many misgivings as to his appearance, sat down opposite the lovely little lady in pale blue satin and cashmere and white lace. It was a charming breakfast, and during it the infatuated husband could not help saying a great many sweet and flattering things. Kate parried them very prettily. "It is well,'1 she said, "that no ono hears us. If we were not married they would think we were mak ing love." "And if we are married, jh.ate, why not make love now, dear? We had no opportun ity before we were married." "Ah, Richard, in fashionable life we should make oitrso'ves i i l:cu!ou. Everyone says eiir Wliavior i incprach ib e. I should have dearly liked it wueii only a shy, awk ward! country girl; but now, my lord, we would be laughed at." "Then, Kate, let us be laughed at, I for one am longing for it dying for it. If time should run back and fetch the age of gold, why jnot love? Let us go back four whole years and a half. Will you, Kate dearest and sweetest Kate?" "We should have to run away to the coun try, Richard, and" now I think of it I have not been to Esher since we were married, love.' When such a conversation as this was pro longed for five hours" it was little wondered that my lord's valet and my lady's maid re ceived orders to pack valises and trunks, or that next day Esher hall was in a happy tumult of preparation. Love comes better late than never, and Lady Kate always told herself that she never could have been so happy in thoso sweet old gardens with her lover as she ' was with her husband. Probably they were both as per fectly satisfied as it is possible for human love to tie; for, greatly to the amazement of the fashionable worldjthey. noty oniy; spent the whole summer alone in their country home, but actually, when they came back to Lon don, had the courage to apiar in the very height of the season, in the same box at the opera. j "Really, Kate," said Miss Selina, "I never was so astonished. The gentleman on your left" ! "Is always at m f right now; dear. He will never bo in the opposition again." "How delightful!" I "For us? Oh, yes. Charming." Iownrall of the Hons of Sfalta. i It is perhaps not g nerally known, but the dissolution of the Sons of Malta throughout tho United States vai the result of an unfor tunate and fatal accident here. George Harding, an employe of the wholesale grocery establishment of Reynolds, Earl & Hatcher, a brave and brawny Scotchman, desired to become a member of the order, and the order was only too glad to "take him in," A night was set apart for his initiation, and as he was a particularly jowerf ul man, the gathering of the clans was unusually large, j The initia tion proceeded amid uproarious fun up to the elevated railway and a plunge into the seething ! waters of the lake a wet blanket j in the hands of a dozen btrong men, in which the aspi rant was tossed about until they became ex hausted. Harding was an intensely earnest man, and took the initiation to be a serious affair, being told by the grand conductor that from the elevated railway he would be plunged into the lalse, he had contracted his muscles and nerved himself for the battle with the waves. When ho struck theblanket the shock was too great for his nerves. He was taken to his home a paralytic. He lived a Tim MifTurmff snfAncAW- .1 T 1 1 1 1 ff 1 In (TOiflt ( . j Lai , OU" V 'U, 11 11 ll.T 1 J , U. .-.'.. -. f. Ul, agonj-. The order paid out over $2,000 in bis behalf. All that medical skill could do was done, but to no purpose. He was a noble man, and bore his sufferings dike a hero or a martyr, never once complained or spoke liarshly of tho? who innocently caused it all. His sufferings and death were the death knell of the Sous of Malta, not only in Lafayette but throughout the country. The Law of Hex. An English author, Mr, G. ' R. Stark weather, thinks he has discovered a great "law of sex,"of which The Indon Athemeum cives this mmmary: If j the husband is superior to the wife the family will consist mostly of girls, and vice versa. ' Dark com plexion is superior to light, dark plants and trees are the most hardy, and dark horses the best. A square forehead land! prominent veins are "superior," a large prominent eye (which "indicates conversational powers") is the reverse. But the best indication of sujieriority is a large and prominent noee, Roman or aquiline, full a third tho length of the face. j Philosophers, lawyers, editors, ; ioete, liter ary men, and brain workers generally, have a largo exce of daughters. Wine mer chants, tavern-keejiers, small retail dealers, orators, physicians, and musicians liave a preponderance of loys. Clergymen appear just to struggle through the ordeal without incurring the stigma of inferiority, being eqiially intelligent, sober, and moral with their wives, and producing an equal number of lioys ami girls. j Of course, for the" stability of the new law it becomes necessary to show that musicians, medical men, and orators are inferior. Ac cordingly the first are lymphatic, the second are1 made rather than born to their prof?ssion (and the most distinguished as an exception have large families of daughters), and mere putIic speakers do not possess "the highest or der of faculties or intellect," while in most of thorn "the lase of the brain will bo found to predominate over the superior portion." Our Itich Men. But how can wo lienr an existence, which measured by Vanderbilt's, is a pitiful failure? Are you sure, my friend, tliat his life is 6uch a lpagnificent success? If a man were happy in proportion to his possessions, which is really the popular notion, then indeed money would be the great good. Here is a gardener worth a $100. Ho sings while about his work, enjoys and digests his dinner,; watches his children as they play among jthe flowers, anil seems contented. Suppose Mr. Vander biitwijh his $200, 000,000 were as happy in proportion to his wealth ! He would climb to the top of Trinity steeple, face ; Wall street, ye-1 and shriek his tumultuous emotions, and in the madness of his joy leap into eternity. tudy his face when driving Maud S., and se$ if j'ou think him very happy. He retires f rm business at 0, because his back is sofe from the heavy burden. The strain has nekirly crazed him. People envy him Maud S.l Poor fellow, I wish he had a mare that could go in twent' seconds; but, even then, he coiild not get away from the ghost of the "West Shore." Hoys and ;irls In Rome. (A society for the protection of the waifs of thb streets, with Prince Borghese at its head, has been started at Rome, j It was high time. During tho winter the public streets are in fejted with beggars. In the summer boys and girls in great numbers aro sent out into the country to work, but on the advent of Npvember they retuen to the city where they are often left by their parents j to shift for themselves. Under pretense of selling matches and flowers these I children virtually lead the lives of beggars, and thus constitute an ever-present social problem of great di mensions. Prince Borghese ha.i already done much for the relief of poverty, an I a society with him in charge ought to be highly suc cessful. ' Vegetable Wool. i A Dutcii paper calls tne attention to a de scription of vegetable wool called kapeic. It comes from Java, an 1 a specimen is on view at the Amsterdam exhibition. ' It arrives at Amsterdam in its leathery covering, being itself enveloped in the seedi. It is then freed from both, and is carded so as to make a very light mattress wool, worth about fd. per pound. One of the houses engaged in this operation had made trials in spinning and dyeing this material, but the filaments are said to be like strings, and their industrial applicntiou is consequently a matter of un certainty. j THE STORY OF "BLIND TOM." Early Life or the Mimical Prodlry--Kecentrir, bat Xot an Idiot Cur rently Reported A few days ago I accidentally learned that a lady, whose home ia in New Or leans, but who is temporarily visiting in this city, could tell me something about Blind Tom's early life, and I ac cordingly went to see her. To the first question that would naturally ba asked, she replied : "Yes ; I can tell you all about him. My father owned him. Blind Tom's father was foreman on my father's plan tation in Georgia. A foreman, you will understand, is ono who is placod over the other slaves on plantations where they do not have white overseers. Tom's mother was our cook, and as such her room adjoined the kitchen. Tho slaves, as you know, have separate . quarters. and live a short distance from the houso. The kitchen was close by, and Tom's mother, the cook, was frequently in the rear rooms of the house, and sev eral of her children, of whom she had an extraorelinary large number, would follow her around. After Tom had famil iarized himself with his new surround ings, he became bold enough to creep from the kitchen out into tho halls towards the parlor, where his acute ears would catch the sound of the piano. His mother in the kitchen would then miss him, and run to drag him back, each time administering a severe beat ing. But the child went back, all the same, and listened. After a while father's attention was attracted to the child, and told the mother to let him stay where ho was. When we let him come into the parlor, the little imp went wild with delight. Before he could stand alone, he would draw him self up and commenced striking the keys." "How old was Tom when he began to show his musical skill?" "Torn could play any ordinary music and a few more difficult compositions before he was 4 years old. He would creep to the piano and play before he was able to walk, and could sing Scotch ballads beforo he could talk enough to ask for bread. All he needed was for some one to play so that he could hear and he would immediately play the piece without varying a particle. I re member well, a few years after, when Tom became more proficient anel had learned to talk, seeing Tom grope his way into the parlor, anel, approach ing the piano, say to the laely who was then playing, 'I can play that better than you can. I'se a gen'us, I is.' And sure enough, he did, although he had never heard the music before. "Has he ever tried instruments othei than the piano?" . "Oh, yes. He can plav on anj-thing. The flute is his special favorite. He has a beautiful silver tiute with silver keys, of which he is very proud. "When he gets starteel he will sometimes play all night until the chickens crow in the morning. Next to the flute the piano is his favorite, but he can execute mus:c on any 6pecies of instrument he can get. "Has Blintl Tom had or needed any assistance in his musical achievements ?" , "lie has the very best kind of in structors, although it has been at times difficult to obtain a teacher who would not be less proficient than the pupil. All that Tom wants is some one to play new music for him, and he only needs to hear it played once. Some years ago father took him to Faris to see if he could not be made to see, and to effort has been spared to give him a good eelucation. The story that Blind Tom is an idiot in everything but music is a popular error. His eccentricities when on the stage are mistaken for ieliocy, when in fact Tom is frantically delighteel or bewitched, il you please, over the music he is making or hearing. Blinel Tom is not only well educateel, but refined. He does not use tho negro dialect, and can carry on an intelligent conversation with any body. He is affectionate in disposition, and is elevoted to all the family, who are equally as fond of him. When my boy was born Tom was much afraid that his place in the family wouhl bo taken by another, and he felt very badly about it." Fat and Philosophy. Flesh is materialized philosophy. Fat men are nearly always philosophers. Dickens challenged tho world to point but a mob of fat men, and, although I was not as well acquainteel with Mr. Dickens as I am with certain active young fellows who visit me the first of every month, yet I agree with hini. I never saw a mob of fat men. I never saw a fat man hung. Once in Ken tucky a fat man was senteneed to be hanged, but when an appeal to the su preme court was taken, the judges, who ;were too fleshy to pull on a boot com fortably, told the condemneel man that ;he was too fat to bo hung with any de gree of pleasure, and consequently gave him a palm leaf fan and sent him to the penitentiary to await a pardon jwhich was not long in coming. It was afterwards proved that the fat man was innocent. History shows that all philosophers were fat, that is, history proves that some of them were fat anel that others should have been. Don't nnderstand me to say that great flesh is to be de sireel. Flesh is moro essential to so ciety than it is to salvation, and we know that the scriptures inform nsthat flesh and blood cannot enter the king dom of heaven. I do say, though, that flesh is conelucive to philosphy , for none but the philosopher can enjoy an excess of adipose tissue. Awful Hot. It is estimated that if the earth should come into contact with another heavenly body of the same size, the quantity of heat developed would be sufficient to melt, boil anil completely vaporize a mass of ice fully 700 times that of both the colliding worlds the ice planet 150,000 miles in eliameter. rhrenologicalJournal : "Our "busses," said a conductor in answer to an inquiry made, "runs a quarter arter. arf arter, quarter to, and at." u UNCLE TOM'S CABIN." SURPRISE 07 THE AUTHORESS WHEN BUS RECEIVED HER FIRST CHECK FROM THE PUBLISHERS. "Corn wall" In Inter Ocean. "now did you como to bo publisher of 'Uncle Tom's Cabin?"" I asked of John P. Jewett, tho first publisher of Mrs Stowe b famous work. "I suspect it was principally because I was a rabid anti-slavery man, although the fact that I had previously been the publisher of a book by the Rev. Henry Y ard Beecher may have had something to do with it. After a careful examina tion I concluded that the story would not only repay the cost of publication in book form, but would yield some profit. Possibly I was helped to that conclusion by my firm conviction that tho volume would prove a strong anti slavery document. At all events, I -eapfessod a willingness to publish it, and the next thing was to arrange the terms. Prof. Stowe was in favor of selling the manuscript for a sum down. I tell my wife,' said he to me, 'tliat if she can get a good, black silk dress or $50 in money for the story, she had better take it," "Do you believe that you could have bought the story for $50 V "I believe I could have bought it for $20." "So large were the orders for the book that from the day I first began to . print it the eight presses never stopped day or night, save Sundays, for six months, and even then there were com plaints that the volumes did not appear fast enough. In a little while I was able to inform Prof, and Mrs. Stowe that their percentage already amounted to $10,000, and although my contract with them required me to give a nolo only I would pay them that sum in cash." - "How did they receive your informa tion?" "They seemed a little dazeel by tho news. The sum was so vastly beyond anything they expected or had hereto fore possessed, that it appeared to them like a great fortune. When they called at my office I handed Prof. Stowe my check for $10,000, payable to his order. Neither the Prof, nor Mrs. Stowe had ever beforo received a check, they told me, and they did not know what to do with it, or how to get the money it represented. I explained to the pro-, f essor that he must indorse the check and present it for payment. I advised him to deposit the money in the same bank. "We went thither "together. I intro duced him to the president, and tho professor opened an account. After instructing him how to keep his check book and so on, and cautioning him and his wife never to go about with more than $5 in their pockets, I bade them good day, and they went thoir way rejoicing. When I gave them a second check for $10,000 I found they neeeleel no further instruction." "How many copies of 'Uncle Tom' diel you publish ?" , "More than 320,000 sets of two volumes each were published in the first year. After that tho demand fell off." . A LAWYEKS NOVEL. Trof. Swing, of Chicago, in an ad dress at the Acton, Ind., assemblage approved of judicious novel reading, and told this anecdote : "I heard of a Chicago lawyer onco whose wife read two novels to him when ho was sick, anel he said to her : 'I have been en tirely too much wrapped up in law, and have forgotten almost everything clso. When I get well I shall lav aside my statutes and write a novel, and so lie did. Tho first chapter told about a n'ce young man and a pretty young woman. The second told how they fell in love. Tho third, a very pretty chapter, told how they took a walk together in tho evening and how they got outside the town becauso the sun went down and they couldn't see tho corporation line. It was a very ro mantic story, but he spoiled it in the next chapter. After the lovers wero appropriately seated in tho shade of a spreading oak, although it was night, the young man said : 'Adelaide, I can no longer conceal my feelings. I lovo you maelly, distractedly, wildly. lean not live without you. Your image is in my heart by night and by day, and without you my life is incomplete.' Now, that was all very pretty, but would you believe it ? tho lawyer com menced that maiden's answer - to that burning declaration with: 'The other party responded substantially as fol lows,' and that took away all the romance." ' COMPEfTl'l VK EX A MIX A TIONS. My experience has led me to doubt tho value of competitive examination. I believe tho most valuablo qualities for practical life cannot be got at by any examination such as steadiness and perseverance. It may bo well to mako an examination part of the niode of judging a man's fitness, but to put him into an office with public duties to per form merely on his passing a good ex amination Is, I think, a bail modo of preventing mere . patronage. My brother is one of the best generals that evef commanded an army, but tho qual ities that made him so aro quito beyond the reach of any examination. .V ES'OLISII VIEW OF CHICAGO. As a matter of fact the city is hide ous, and, even if it were the finest ever designed and completed by an archi tect, tho telegraph posts in tho princi pal streets, carrying wires by the dozen, would renelcr it distasteful to any one having the slightest eve for ar chitectural effect. The Chicago people think the sight of killing pigs one of the finest in the world, and the visitor is taken to see it as the greatest of treat. M IV A HOOT HOLES. Mica has been applied to a new ute that of fashioning it into middle soles to boots and shoes. Tho invention con sists of a sheet of mica, embodded in thin coatings of cement, and placed in tho boot or shoe under and adjacent to the insole, the upper leather of the eho lapping over its edgos, or next undei the filling and the outer or bottom lolo. anel covering tho under spaco from th too to the instep.