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VOL. IV.
ST. HELENS, .COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON,1 JANUARY 11, 1884.
NO. 23.
Three months, " 50
COL
UJM
THE MODERN GINEVRA.
But the "Spring-Lock Hid in Am
bush Thero 'Didn't Fasten'
II r Down Forever."
Detroit Free Press.
Tliii fair Imogen. D'Eustis Iwl loon
wedded to the kni-btly fr'am Higgins. Tha
clergyman bad Uen handed ?i in eahh to pay
for tne splicing, tho guests were filling them
selves j with eatables, mid eve ry thins was
sliding along: as snuxthly as a cider mill sail
ing down on a spring freshet, when all at
once tho bride was mising.
Her newly found husband looked under
the table, but she was not there.
Tho gue-sts separated to search. Som
looked down the well others' down collar
others in the hen-coop and smoke-house and
ln-hind th pi.r pen. No Imogens.
Then somo said that she had leon aMucted,
wliile others. scotTed . at the tiea, of a frirl
weighing l' pounds and having a scream
which could le heard two miles, Leiiig car
.,ried off in broad daylight, and in a neighbor
hood where tho Democrats had over twohun
'dred majority.
A detective was called in. lie looked at
her old shawl, measnml the length of lier
. shoes, and. decided that it was a mysterious
.altair, llewtmll take the case if desired,
but would not promise any satisfactory solu
tion inkier a year and a half.
' The fair Imogeue's father hadn't ln.-t rayed
much excitement up to this point. The wed
ding feast was the first square meal ho had
tackled for six months, and he wanted to fill
up b -fore giving way to emotion. He was
now fuIL He turned around upon the ex
cited and distressed guests, commanded them
to hush their hullaballo, and disappeared up
stairs.
AVhen the coy Imogene slipped away from
the feast it was to see if her husKand woul.i
miss and follow her. She slid up stairs,
mounted to tho garret, and after brushing
tho cob webs oft" her ne.se she advanced to tho
big blue chest in the corner. Tho c hest had
leen made to hold her father's government
londs, ami was hooped with iron and pro
vided with a spriug lock, which never cost
less than a dollar. Her mission was to hide
in the ch?st an I see if her huslxin 1 would h-
soft enough to climb up there mi l throw up
the lid mid call peek a-io. As the reader
knows, he wasn t the man to catch on.
The old man D'Enstis walked up stairs and
made his way to the garret through the sam-3
traj-doorthe bride had used. He thought she
might be up there to take a last farewell look
at tho bunches of catnip, moldy school looks
and broken spinning-wheels. He could not
see her. He called aloud, but the whistle of
tho tug on the river was the only answer.
He turned to go, but something whispered to
him that perhaps he might find a plug of to
lacco or a bottle of stomach bitters in the old
chest. He advance 1 with lo tting heart and
threw up the lid.
Why, x'P, is this you:' cried the fair Imo
gene as she sprang up and ripi-ed her bridal
dress clear down the ba.-k.
"Yes, this is rfie!" growled the old man
"and what the jimcracksareyou doing here',
"Hiding from Sam."
"I'm a tarr.at min I to b x your cars, big
as j-fui are! Hero .you've raised a regular
city convention all over the hous:', spoilt a
dress which cost 11 with the making, up
set your mother, Jiul sc ;rt old Mrs. Spigot
into a fk ! '
"Please, pop, I
'"Von gil! Irap yourself through that
trap-hole, skip down there and tell the crowd
that you don't know beans when the bag's
untied."'
And the bride g t. A-id h -r hubaa J was
so mail that h. b;irn-l up a free railroad pasa
to Chicago, and her mother cried, and her"
father wtnt oif down town to lay poker,
and, taken a'-l in all, the coy brid - au.l tho
old dnst and the s;riug lock business didn't
pay 10 cents o;i th dollar.
lie Asrc-:l That It Would.
In front f a Detroit butcher shop yester
day a butcher sat cleaning a revolver. It
was a rusty old "Colt" which had not li-n
used for years an 1 was to lie put in ord-'r and
traded otF. A shoemaker came along di
rectly and observed:
"Of course- tho re 11 I- au aecidenu''
"Y-e-s, I presume so."
"It isn't loaded, is it:"
"Oh. no."
"But it will go otr."v
"It will."
"I never saw a revolver without wanting
to handle it. I.t me look at that w upop
Ah! I'm satlsti"d now that it doesn't c nt;in
any stray bullets. J K you suppose you could
hit my foot at that distance'"'
"Certainly I could. Now, if she was loaded
I'd 'take a dead sight like that and pull tho
trigger and ''
The sh'X-maker jumped two feet and yelled
like an Indian, and when he came down hu
danced arid kicked and gallojx-d around until
)eople thought him crazy. It was only after
ij crowd had collected and cornered him up
in tho shop that any oi:o found out the
trouble. The Lutein -r hail put a bullet along
tl.e-sole of his foot dose enough to draw
blool.
"I tol I you she'd go nlf'" howled the shoe
maker, as he sat with his lxjot in his hand.
"And "lidu"t I arce with j-ouf innocently
responded the butclur.
I'ai-alyz'n;; a ISaggagenian.
"Check my baggage, t-ivf exclaimed a not
unmusical voice at the Central deiot yester
day morning. The tosser of personal prop
erty reached out h;s horny hand with the bit
of brass in the same nonchalant way tlint ho
lias done it a thousand times Iv-fore. Hut his
indiirerence was disjjelled when he saw tho
voucher disripiK-ar in the pocket of a gentle
man's coat, which was stretched over tho
skirt of a full length lady's dress. Lifting
his astoi.ishtjd eyes from tho frills and ruffles
of the ample lower garment ho saw a well
rounded chest clot lied in a neat-fitting waist
coat: next a shapely neck encircled with a
No. 1'5 turn-down collar increas,sl his wonder;
then a head with closely-cropped black hair,
surmounted by a jaunty Derby hat, filled
him with astonishment.
The mystery was soon solved, for io
answer to a tew kind questions the one robed
in mystery declare 1 that she was a girl; that
her name was Miss Bryant; that she hailed
from Fulton, Oswego county, and was not a
doctor nor a disciple of Mary "Walker or
Miss Bio. utM'. And she likewise affirmed
tliat she was not a reformer, never knew of
any one who had adopted her mode of dress,
and tiid not know as any one would. Her
object was comfort and economy. She
heslcd not the suppressed whisjT of the
ladies or the glance, of askance of tho gentle
men, but buiel herself in an apparent
a-sthetio reverie over a little bouquet fas
tened on the lappel of her coat.
Decided at KaMt.
A Texas debating society debate! tho
question, "When a watermelon vine runs ou
to another mail's land, who owns the
melons." The referee decided that tho
. c lored man who lived about a -t.ilo and a
!af from the two farms, owned the melons.
B08 TINKHAM'S LITTLE TAD DIE.
AVhy the Oid Lawyer Shoved Back
From the Table and "Didn't Feel
Like Play In' Keerdg."
. After tho hand was played, and while
the ho-sotnan and ho justica weie dis
cussing as to whoso deal it was, the old
lawyer sat with elbows on the table,
his chin resting on his hands. He
seemed to be thinking of something far,
far away. Now and then his heavy gray
head nodded slightly and his parted
lips moved as if he were saying some
thing away down in his soul. He had
forgotten the ganio ; his mind was over
whelmed with the past, and tho fond
memories that ilitted beforo his eyes
aided tho glistening drops that stood in
them to shut out the vision of the pres
ent. '
'There's your hand." - "j.
Tito words aroused the old " lawyer,
and he raised his head, but his eyes
held fast their gaze on the tablettop.
"Hoys," said he, roughly brushing the
tears from his eyes, and wiping his spec
tacles, "I s'poso it's awful foolish
like fur a big feller like mo to sit here a
cryin', but whsn I seen them marks
there they 'minded me o the day Bob
Tinkham sot right here where I do now
au kep' game there on the table. That
was nigh twenty years ago, but somehow
I can't get it off my mind how Bob sot
here a-langhin' an' jokin', an' havin' the
host kind o' time, an' all at once, with
out a bit o' warnin', how Jim Dempsey
como carryiu' Bob's little boy Taddie
in, an' nid as how the palo little fellow
had I. .en run over by a hay rack and
was dead. Bob was jest makin' that
'ere mark that's only half as long
es he rest when Jim kicked in the door
and put tho boy on the floor right there
by that 'ere winder. I've seen a good
many pretty solemn-like things, but
that was tho solemnist thing I ever
seen. Liittle Taddie warn't dead, but
jest as Jim put him on the floor he
opened them pre'.ty little blue eyes o'
liis'n au'said: "Oh, papa." Then to
see Bob Tinkham great, big, husky
man as o was git down on 'is knees
an' cry like 'is heart 'd break, it was
enough to make the meanest man in the
world boo-hoo right out. An' then
little Taddio said: "Oh, papa; it's
gittin so dark oh oh iapa, don't let
little Taddie die. , Tell Dod not to let
littlo ' and Taddio broke off what
he was sayin' jest as his pa had broke
oflf makin' that mark right in the middle,
an' he never said another word in the
world.
"An' Bob Tinkham, as he never
prayed sinco he como to Oxford in '37,
put his hands towards the roof an' told
God he didn't know nothing about
prayin', but he'd give anytlung he had
if Taddie'd jest open his eyes once
more and only say papa jest once. An'
then he prayed like I never heard no
body pray before senco I was born ; an
I said to myself 'tain't big fine words
that gits up to heaven, but it's feelin's
jest like Bob Tinkhaiu's. An', boys,
sure as you live, I've been sorry ev'ry
senco thet I couldn't a laid down
there an died an' let littlo Taddie live.
Jest think, an old critter like me
u ith roomatiz all over me so's I can't
do nothin' worth anything for anybody
I kin live along furever, but a little
boy like Taddie, jest when he's havin'
all the fun there is in life has to up an'
die and leave everybody that loves 'im
an' wants 'im to live. I tell ye they kin
say what they're a mind to 'bout there
be-in' no other world after this 'un, but
ef there ain't then thiugs ain't built on
the foundation of justice, that's all.
Say, boys, I .don't feel like playin'
keerds no more to-day." And tho old
lawyer pushed back from the table and
sat a long, long time with his elbows on
his knees, and his face on his hands
looking at the floor.
Military Dridg Knildlns.
Among the military maneuvers in
Europe this season ha been bridge
building at Presburg by a battalion of
Austrian pioneers (engineers), assisted
by 2i.S reservists. At tho place chosen
the Danube is iG'J metres broad, with
maximum depths of seven metres, and
the velocity of the current is more than
four miles an hour. Bridges of differ
ent kinds, formed both by pontoons or
boats and rafts, Avere thrown across on
succeeding days. Openings were made
on some occasions for ships to pass, and
closed again in the usual way by swing
ing a part of the bridge back again to
its place. Slight bridges vere con
structed for light traffic and stronger
for heavier carriages. Sometimes the
bridge was made in tho common way,
by ad. I ng pontoon to pontoon; some
times rafts were finst constructed, then
swu'", into their places and fixed there.
On &ie occasion the bridge was partly
built with the ordinary military means
and partly with material found on the
spot. The time occupied varied from
au hour and a half to an hour andthree
quartes. The opening for ships to pass
was made in two minutes .and a half
and closed in threo minutes and a half.
Cremation In Portugal.
The ercmationists have won a decided
victory in Portugal. After a long and
bitter fight between the advocates of
the plan, led by physicians and scientists
generally, and the opponents, who were
fhiefly priests, the government has
decided to make cremation optional
with the people generally, and com
pulsory in all cases of death occurring
in districts infected with the plague.
The government is said to favor a
general compulsory cremation law, but
is restrained from making so radical a
change out of fear of tho church.
A Kupieiou Nursical Instrument.
"I thought," said tho senior Baggies,
as ho produced a suspicious-looking
black bottle from his son's valise, "that
thero was nothing but your surgical in
struments in this bag." "That's what I
said, dad." "Then,, sir, what do you
call this ?" "That ? Oh, that's my eye
opener, dad; very useful instrument;
very useful; indispensable, I assure
vou."
Under the sceptre of tho czar of
Bussia live thirty-eight different nation
alities, each speaking it own language,
which is foreign to all others.
THE MAN ON THE LEFT.
The geuUoman on the left, Kate do you
know hut? He has looked frequently towards
you."
"Hasher'
"Who is it?"
"1 cannot tell. I have not seen him."
"Suppose you look?"
I prefer not. I came toaee the play. Ia
not Helen Fauehet superb f
"So, so. I wish you would tell mo who
that gentleman on the left is. I am sure he
knows you, and ho is strikingly handsome. "
"At present the stag interests me. Besides,
if men are rude enough to stare at strangers,
there is no occasion for us to imitate theui."
"Your ladyship has no curiosity f
"Not any ; I exhausted it some time ago."
'Her ladyship was not telling the truth;
ehe was intensely curious, but it pleased her at
the time to piqoe the honorable Selina
Dorset. That strange sympathy that makes
us instantly oonsciotts of a familiar glance,
ven In a crowded building, had solicited her
regard just as Holina had advised her of it,
If she had not been asked to look toward her
left, she would probably have done so; as it
was, she resolutely avoided any movement in
that direction.
The play finished in a tumult of opplnuaO.
Lady Kate Talbot forgot everything in her
excitement, and as she stood up flushed and
trembling, she inadvertently turned toward
the lef r. Instantly she recognized a pres
ence wLh which she ought to have been
familiar euough.
Tho gentleman bowed with an extreme re
spect. Lady Kate acknowledged tlte cour
tesy in a manner too full of astonishment to
be altogether'gractous, and the elaborate po
liteness of tho recognition was not softened
by any glance implying a more tender inti
macy than that of mere acquaintance.
My lady was silent all the way home, and
for some reason Selina was not disposed to
interrupt her reverie. It did uot seem to bo
an unpleasant oue, Kate's face had a bright
flush on it, and her eyes held in them a light
a light that resembled what Selina would
have eal'ed hope and love, if my lady had
not been already married, and her tlestiny
apparently settled.
"Selina, when you have got rid of all that
lace an 1 satin, come to my room ; I have
something to say to you."
Selina nodded pleasantly. She was sure
it concerned the gentleman on the left. She
had no love affairs of her own ou hand or
heart at present, and being neither literary
nor charitable, her time went ht avily on
ward. A little bit of romance, especially if
connected with the cold or proper Lady Tal
bot would be of aU things the most interest
ing. She was speedily unrobed, and with her
long blonde hair hanging loosely' over her
pretty dressing gown, she sought my lady's
room. Lady Talbot sat in'a dream-like still
ness, looking into the bright blaze on tho
hearth. . She scarcly stirred as Selina took a
large chair beside her, and scarcely smiled
when she lifted one of her loosened curls,
and said, "What exquisite hair you have,
Kate! True eolden."
"Yes, it is beautiful. I kuow that, of
course."
"Of w hat are you thinking so intently f
"Of the gentleman on our left to-night."
"Ah, w ho is he? He seemed to know you."
"lie ought to know me much better than
he does. He is my husband, Lord Richard
TallKt."
"Kate!"
"It is true."
"I thought he was in Africa, or Asia, or
Eurojie, or somewhere at tho end of the
world."
"He is now in England, it seeius. I sup
pose he just arrived. I have not seen him
before."
"Where Ls he staying, then?"
"I presume in the left wing of this mansion.
I notice there are more lights than usual in
it to-night. His apartments are there."
"Now, Kate, do tell me all, dear. You
know I love a romantic love affair, and I am
sure this is one."
"You were never more mistaken, Selina.
There is no love at all in the affair. That is
the secret of the whole position. I thought
that as you were staying here this week, and
might probably see or meet my lord, it was
better to make all clear to you. People are
apt to associate wrong with things they do
not understand."
"To lie sure, dear. I suppose Lord Richard
and you have had a little disagreement.
Now, if I could only do anything toward a
reconciliation, I should bo so hai py, you
know."
"No, Selina, thero has been no quarrel, and
you can do nothing at all letween us. I don't
want you to try. Just lie kind enough to ig
nore the whole circumstance. Lord Richard
and I understood each other nearly four years
ago."
"Rut it is not four years sinco you mar
ried?" "Just four years yesterday."
"And my lord has been away "
"Three years, eight months and eighteen
da3-s, so far as I know.'
"Well, this is a most extraordinary thing,
and very, very bad, I must say."
"It miht easily have leen much sadder. I
am going to tell you tho exact truth, and I
rely ujjoii your honor and discretion to keep
the secret inviolable."
'My dear Kate, I would not name it for the
world."
"Listen, then. One -night, when I was
scarcely 17 years old, my father sent for mo
to his study. I had known for months that
he was dying. He was the only creature
that I had to love, and I loved him very ten
derly. I must, mention this also, for it
partly explains my conduct that the idea of
disobeying him in anything had never pre
sented itself to mo as a possibility. This
night I found with him his life long friend,
tho late Lord Talbot, and the present lord,
my husband. I was a shy, shrinking girl,
without any knowledge of dress or society,
and very timid and embarrassed in my man
ners. , Then my father told me that it was
necessary for the good of both houses that
Richard and I should marry, that Richard
bad consented, and that I must meet a few
friends in our private chapel at 7 o'clock in
the morning a week later. Of course these
things were told me in a very gentle manner,
and my dear father, w ith maiiy loving kisses,
begged me as a last favor to him to make no
objection."
"And what did Lord Richard sayT
"I glanced up at him. Ho stood near a
window looking out over our fiiu old park,
and when ho felt my glanco he colored
deeply and bowed. Lord Talbot said rather
angrily, "Rijhard, MissEsher waits for you
to speak." Then Lord Richard turned to
ward me and said something, but in such a
low voice that I did not catch its uteatii tg.
"My son says you do him a great honor and
pleasure," exclaimed Lord Talbot, an 1 ho
kissed me and led me toward the unwilling
bridegroom.
"Of course I ought to have hate I him,
Selina, but I did not. On the contrary, I
fell desperately in love wi b him. Perhaps
it would have been far better fur run if I had
not. Richard read my heart in my face,
and despised his easy conquest. Aifornn,
I suffered iu that weak and toi tiirin;; sus
spouse of a timid school 'n in love. 1
dressed myself in tho best of my plain, un
becoming, childish toilet, and watched
wearily every day for a visit from my
promised husband; but; I saw no more of
hiin until our wedding morning. By this
time some very rich clothing had arrived for
me, and also a London maid, and I think,
even then, my appearance was fair enough
to have somewhat conciliated Richard
Talbot But he scarcely looked at me. The
ceremony was scrupulously aud coldly per
formed, my father, auntimd governess being
present on my side, and on Richard's his
father and his throe maiden sisters.
"I never saw my father alive again, he
died the following week, and the mockery of
our wedding festivities at Talbot castle was
suspended at once in deference to my grief.
Then he came to Lond3n,and my lord selected
for his own use the left wing of the house,
and politely placed at my disposal all tho re
maining apartments. I considered this an
intimation that I was not expectod to intrude
upon his quarters, and Iscrupulous'y avoided
every approach to them. I knew from the
first that attempts to .via him would bo use
less, and? indeed I Celt fSfe-sorrowful and
humiliated to tiy. During the few weeks that
we remained under the same roof wo sehlaai
met, and I am afraid I did not make ffteao
rare interviews at all pleasant. I felt w oagpd
and miserable, ami my wan face and bfATJ
eyes were only a reproach to him."
"Oh, what a monster, Kate!"
"Not quite that, Selina. There were many
excuses for him. . One day I saw a paragraph
in The Times saying that Lord Richard Tal
bot intended to accompany a scientific ex
ploring part w hoso destination was central
Asia. I instantly sent and asked my husband
for an interview. I had intended dressing
nryself with care for the meeting, and mak
ing one last effort to win tho kindly regard,
at least, of one w hom I could not help lov
ing. But some unfortunate fatality always
attende 1 our meeting, and I never could do
myself justice in his presence. He answerel
my request at once. I suppose he did so out
of respect and kindness; but the consequence
was, he found mo in an unbecoming disha
bille, and with my face and eyes red and
swollen with weepinj.
"I felt mortified at a prompt attention so
inalaproios, and my manner instead of 1eing
winning and conciliating, was cold, unpre
possessing. I did not rise from "tho sofa on
which I had been sobbing, and he made n
attempt to sit down beside me or to comfort
me.
; "I pointed tc the paragraph and asked if
'it was true.
: " 'Yes, Lady Tallt,' he said, a little sadly
and proudly; I shall relieve you of my pres
ence in a few days. I intended Writwell to
call on 3-ou to-day with a draft of the pro
visions I have made for your comfort.'
I "I could make no answer. I had thought
of a good many things to sa-, but now in the
presence I was almost fretful and dumb. Ho
looked at me almost with pity, and said in a
low voice, 'Kate, we have both been sacri
ficed to a necessity involving many besides
ourselves. I am trying to make what repara
tion is possible. I shall leave you unrestricted
use of three-fourths of my income. I desire
you to make your life as gay aud pleasant as
you possibly can. I have no fear for the
honor of onr name in j our hands, and I
trust that and all else to you without a doubt.
If 3-ou would try and learn to make some ex
cuse for my iosition, I shall be grateful.
Perhaps when you are not in constant fear of
meeting me, this lesson may not be so hard."
"And I could not say a word in reply. I
just lay sobbing like a child among the cush
ions. Then he lifted my hand and, kissed it,
and I knew he was gone."
"And now, Kate, that you have lecome
the uut brilliant woman in England, what
elo you intend to do f
"'Who knows? 1 have such a contrary
ttreak in my nature. I always do the thing
I do not want to do."
Certainly it sonied like it, for, in spite of
her confession, when Lord Talbot sent the
next morning to request au interview, Kate
regretted that she had a prior engagement,
but hoped to meet Ijrd Talbot at the duches'
of Clifford's that night.
My lord bit his lijs angrily, but neverthe
less he had leen so struck with his wife's brill
iant Ijeauty that he determined to keep the
engagement.
She did not meet him with sobs this time.
The centre of an admiring throng, she spoke
to him with an case and nonchalance tha
would have indicated to a stranger the most
usual and commonplace of acquaintanceships.
He tried to draw her into a confidential mood,
but she said, smilingly, "My lord, the world
supposes us to have alrevady congratulated
each other; we need not undeceive it."
He was dreadfully piqued and the pique
kept the cause of it continually in his mind.
Indeed, unless ho lef t IxMidon, he could hardly
avoid constant meetings which were con taut
aggravations. My l;tdy went everywhere.
Her beauty, her wealth, her splendid toilets,
her flue manners, were tho universal theme.
He had to endure extravagant comments on
them. Friends told him that Lady Talbot
had never loen so brilliant and so bewitch
ing as sinco his return. He was congratu
lated on his influence over her.
In the meantime she kept strictly at the
distance he himself had arranged four years
ago. It was evident that if he approached
any nearer his leautiful but long-neglected
wife, he must humble himself to do so. Why
should he not? In Ixrd Talbot's mind the
reasons against it had dwindled down to one.
It was his valet, j This mau had known all
his master's matrimonial troubles, and in his
own way sympathized with them. He was
bitterly aveir-o to Lord Talbot's making any
concessions to my lady. One night, how
ever, ho received a profound shock.
"Simmons," said Lord Talbot, very . de
cidedly, "go and ask Lady Talbot if she will
do me the honor to recei a visit from mef
My lady would le delighted. She was in
an exquisite costume, and condescended to
exhibit for his pleasure all her most bewilder
ing moots. It was with great reluctance he
left her after a two hours' visit. Tho next
night he stayed still longer. My lady had no
other engagement, and he quite forgot tho
one ho had made to bo present at the mar
quis of Stairs' wine party.
The following week my lady received every
morning a basket of wonderful flowers, and
a littlo note with them containing a hoie
that she was iu good health.
One morning sho was compelled to say
that she was not very well, and Lord Talbot
was so concerned that he s?nt Simmons to
ask if he might be permitted to cat breakfast
with her.' My lady was graciously willing,
and Lord Richard was quite excited by tho
permission. He changed his morning gown
and cravat several times, quite regardless of
Simmons' peculiar face, and, with many
misgivings as to his appearance, sat down
opposite the lovely little lady in pale blue
satin and cashmere and white lace.
It was a charming breakfast, and during it
the infatuated husband could not help saying
a great many sweet and flattering things.
Kate parried them very prettily. "It is well,'1
she said, "that no ono hears us. If we were
not married they would think we were mak
ing love."
"And if we are married, jh.ate, why not
make love now, dear? We had no opportun
ity before we were married."
"Ah, Richard, in fashionable life we should
make oitrso'ves i i l:cu!ou. Everyone says
eiir Wliavior i incprach ib e. I should
have dearly liked it wueii only a shy, awk
ward! country girl; but now, my lord, we
would be laughed at."
"Then, Kate, let us be laughed at, I for
one am longing for it dying for it. If time
should run back and fetch the age of gold,
why jnot love? Let us go back four whole
years and a half. Will you, Kate dearest
and sweetest Kate?"
"We should have to run away to the coun
try, Richard, and" now I think of it I have
not been to Esher since we were married,
love.'
When such a conversation as this was pro
longed for five hours" it was little wondered
that my lord's valet and my lady's maid re
ceived orders to pack valises and trunks, or
that next day Esher hall was in a happy
tumult of preparation.
Love comes better late than never, and
Lady Kate always told herself that she never
could have been so happy in thoso sweet old
gardens with her lover as she ' was with her
husband. Probably they were both as per
fectly satisfied as it is possible for human love
to tie; for, greatly to the amazement of the
fashionable worldjthey. noty oniy; spent the
whole summer alone in their country home,
but actually, when they came back to Lon
don, had the courage to apiar in the very
height of the season, in the same box at the
opera. j
"Really, Kate," said Miss Selina, "I never
was so astonished. The gentleman on your
left" !
"Is always at m f right now; dear. He
will never bo in the opposition again."
"How delightful!" I
"For us? Oh, yes. Charming."
Iownrall of the Hons of Sfalta.
i
It is perhaps not g nerally known, but the
dissolution of the Sons of Malta throughout
tho United States vai the result of an unfor
tunate and fatal accident here. George
Harding, an employe of the wholesale grocery
establishment of Reynolds, Earl & Hatcher,
a brave and brawny Scotchman, desired to
become a member of the order, and the order
was only too glad to "take him in," A night
was set apart for his initiation, and as he was
a particularly jowerf ul man, the gathering
of the clans was unusually large, j The initia
tion proceeded amid uproarious fun
up to the elevated railway and
a plunge into the seething ! waters of
the lake a wet blanket j in the hands
of a dozen btrong men, in which the aspi
rant was tossed about until they became ex
hausted. Harding was an intensely earnest
man, and took the initiation to be a serious
affair, being told by the grand conductor
that from the elevated railway he would be
plunged into the lalse, he had contracted his
muscles and nerved himself for the battle
with the waves. When ho struck theblanket
the shock was too great for his nerves. He
was taken to his home a paralytic. He lived
a Tim MifTurmff snfAncAW- .1 T 1 1 1 1 ff 1 In (TOiflt
( . j Lai , OU" V 'U, 11 11 ll.T 1 J , U. .-.'.. -. f. Ul,
agonj-. The order paid out over $2,000 in bis
behalf. All that medical skill could do was
done, but to no purpose. He was a noble
man, and bore his sufferings dike a hero or a
martyr, never once complained or spoke
liarshly of tho? who innocently caused it all.
His sufferings and death were the death knell
of the Sous of Malta, not only in Lafayette
but throughout the country.
The Law of Hex.
An English author, Mr, G. ' R. Stark
weather, thinks he has discovered a great
"law of sex,"of which The Indon Athemeum
cives this mmmary: If j the husband is
superior to the wife the family will consist
mostly of girls, and vice versa. ' Dark com
plexion is superior to light, dark plants and
trees are the most hardy, and dark horses the
best. A square forehead land! prominent
veins are "superior," a large prominent eye
(which "indicates conversational powers") is
the reverse. But the best indication of
sujieriority is a large and prominent noee,
Roman or aquiline, full a third tho length of
the face. j
Philosophers, lawyers, editors, ; ioete, liter
ary men, and brain workers generally, have
a largo exce of daughters. Wine mer
chants, tavern-keejiers, small retail dealers,
orators, physicians, and musicians liave a
preponderance of loys. Clergymen appear
just to struggle through the ordeal without
incurring the stigma of inferiority, being
eqiially intelligent, sober, and moral with
their wives, and producing an equal number
of lioys ami girls. j
Of course, for the" stability of the new law
it becomes necessary to show that musicians,
medical men, and orators are inferior. Ac
cordingly the first are lymphatic, the second
are1 made rather than born to their prof?ssion
(and the most distinguished as an exception
have large families of daughters), and mere
putIic speakers do not possess "the highest or
der of faculties or intellect," while in most of
thorn "the lase of the brain will bo found to
predominate over the superior portion."
Our Itich Men.
But how can wo lienr an existence, which
measured by Vanderbilt's, is a pitiful failure?
Are you sure, my friend, tliat his life is 6uch
a lpagnificent success? If a man were happy
in proportion to his possessions, which is
really the popular notion, then indeed money
would be the great good. Here is a gardener
worth a $100. Ho sings while about his work,
enjoys and digests his dinner,; watches his
children as they play among jthe flowers,
anil seems contented. Suppose Mr. Vander
biitwijh his $200, 000,000 were as happy in
proportion to his wealth ! He would climb to
the top of Trinity steeple, face ; Wall street,
ye-1 and shriek his tumultuous emotions, and
in the madness of his joy leap into eternity.
tudy his face when driving Maud S., and
se$ if j'ou think him very happy. He retires
f rm business at 0, because his back is
sofe from the heavy burden. The strain has
nekirly crazed him. People envy him Maud
S.l Poor fellow, I wish he had a mare that
could go in twent' seconds; but, even then, he
coiild not get away from the ghost of the
"West Shore."
Hoys and ;irls In Rome.
(A society for the protection of the waifs of
thb streets, with Prince Borghese at its head,
has been started at Rome, j It was high time.
During tho winter the public streets are in
fejted with beggars. In the summer boys
and girls in great numbers aro sent out into
the country to work, but on the advent of
Npvember they retuen to the city where they
are often left by their parents j to shift for
themselves. Under pretense of selling
matches and flowers these I children virtually
lead the lives of beggars, and thus constitute
an ever-present social problem of great di
mensions. Prince Borghese ha.i already done
much for the relief of poverty, an I a society
with him in charge ought to be highly suc
cessful. '
Vegetable Wool.
i
A Dutcii paper calls tne attention to a de
scription of vegetable wool called kapeic. It
comes from Java, an 1 a specimen is on view
at the Amsterdam exhibition. ' It arrives at
Amsterdam in its leathery covering, being
itself enveloped in the seedi. It is then freed
from both, and is carded so as to make a very
light mattress wool, worth about fd. per
pound. One of the houses engaged in this
operation had made trials in spinning and
dyeing this material, but the filaments are
said to be like strings, and their industrial
applicntiou is consequently a matter of un
certainty. j
THE STORY OF "BLIND TOM."
Early Life or the Mimical Prodlry--Kecentrir,
bat Xot an Idiot Cur
rently Reported
A few days ago I accidentally learned
that a lady, whose home ia in New Or
leans, but who is temporarily visiting
in this city, could tell me something
about Blind Tom's early life, and I ac
cordingly went to see her. To the first
question that would naturally ba asked,
she replied :
"Yes ; I can tell you all about him.
My father owned him. Blind Tom's
father was foreman on my father's plan
tation in Georgia. A foreman, you will
understand, is ono who is placod over
the other slaves on plantations where
they do not have white overseers. Tom's
mother was our cook, and as such her
room adjoined the kitchen. Tho slaves,
as you know, have separate . quarters.
and live a short distance from the
houso. The kitchen was close by, and
Tom's mother, the cook, was frequently
in the rear rooms of the house, and sev
eral of her children, of whom she had
an extraorelinary large number, would
follow her around. After Tom had famil
iarized himself with his new surround
ings, he became bold enough to creep
from the kitchen out into tho halls
towards the parlor, where his acute ears
would catch the sound of the piano.
His mother in the kitchen would then
miss him, and run to drag him back,
each time administering a severe beat
ing. But the child went back, all the
same, and listened. After a while
father's attention was attracted to the
child, and told the mother to let him
stay where ho was. When we let him
come into the parlor, the little imp
went wild with delight. Before he
could stand alone, he would draw him
self up and commenced striking the
keys."
"How old was Tom when he began
to show his musical skill?"
"Torn could play any ordinary music
and a few more difficult compositions
before he was 4 years old. He would
creep to the piano and play before he
was able to walk, and could sing Scotch
ballads beforo he could talk enough to
ask for bread. All he needed was for
some one to play so that he could hear
and he would immediately play the
piece without varying a particle. I re
member well, a few years after, when
Tom became more proficient anel had
learned to talk, seeing Tom grope
his way into the parlor, anel, approach
ing the piano, say to the laely who was
then playing, 'I can play that better
than you can. I'se a gen'us, I is.' And
sure enough, he did, although he had
never heard the music before.
"Has he ever tried instruments othei
than the piano?" .
"Oh, yes. He can plav on anj-thing.
The flute is his special favorite. He
has a beautiful silver tiute with silver
keys, of which he is very proud. "When
he gets starteel he will sometimes play
all night until the chickens crow in
the morning. Next to the flute the
piano is his favorite, but he can execute
mus:c on any 6pecies of instrument he
can get.
"Has Blintl Tom had or needed any
assistance in his musical achievements ?"
, "lie has the very best kind of in
structors, although it has been at times
difficult to obtain a teacher who would
not be less proficient than the pupil.
All that Tom wants is some
one to play new music for him,
and he only needs to hear it played
once. Some years ago father took
him to Faris to see if he could not be
made to see, and to effort has been
spared to give him a good eelucation.
The story that Blind Tom is an idiot in
everything but music is a popular error.
His eccentricities when on the stage are
mistaken for ieliocy, when in fact Tom
is frantically delighteel or bewitched, il
you please, over the music he is making
or hearing. Blinel Tom is not only
well educateel, but refined. He does
not use tho negro dialect, and can carry
on an intelligent conversation with any
body. He is affectionate in disposition,
and is elevoted to all the family, who are
equally as fond of him. When my boy
was born Tom was much afraid that his
place in the family wouhl bo taken
by another, and he felt very badly
about it."
Fat and Philosophy.
Flesh is materialized philosophy. Fat
men are nearly always philosophers.
Dickens challenged tho world to point
but a mob of fat men, and, although I
was not as well acquainteel with Mr.
Dickens as I am with certain active
young fellows who visit me the first of
every month, yet I agree with hini. I
never saw a mob of fat men. I never
saw a fat man hung. Once in Ken
tucky a fat man was senteneed to be
hanged, but when an appeal to the su
preme court was taken, the judges, who
;were too fleshy to pull on a boot com
fortably, told the condemneel man that
;he was too fat to bo hung with any de
gree of pleasure, and consequently
gave him a palm leaf fan and sent him
to the penitentiary to await a pardon
jwhich was not long in coming. It was
afterwards proved that the fat man was
innocent.
History shows that all philosophers
were fat, that is, history proves that
some of them were fat anel that others
should have been. Don't nnderstand
me to say that great flesh is to be de
sireel. Flesh is moro essential to so
ciety than it is to salvation, and we
know that the scriptures inform nsthat
flesh and blood cannot enter the king
dom of heaven. I do say, though, that
flesh is conelucive to philosphy , for none
but the philosopher can enjoy an excess
of adipose tissue.
Awful Hot.
It is estimated that if the earth should
come into contact with another heavenly
body of the same size, the quantity of
heat developed would be sufficient to
melt, boil anil completely vaporize a
mass of ice fully 700 times that of both
the colliding worlds the ice planet
150,000 miles in eliameter.
rhrenologicalJournal : "Our "busses,"
said a conductor in answer to an inquiry
made, "runs a quarter arter. arf arter,
quarter to, and at."
u UNCLE TOM'S CABIN."
SURPRISE 07 THE AUTHORESS WHEN BUS
RECEIVED HER FIRST CHECK FROM THE
PUBLISHERS.
"Corn wall" In Inter Ocean.
"now did you como to bo publisher
of 'Uncle Tom's Cabin?"" I asked of
John P. Jewett, tho first publisher of
Mrs Stowe b famous work.
"I suspect it was principally because
I was a rabid anti-slavery man, although
the fact that I had previously been the
publisher of a book by the Rev. Henry
Y ard Beecher may have had something
to do with it. After a careful examina
tion I concluded that the story would
not only repay the cost of publication
in book form, but would yield some
profit. Possibly I was helped to that
conclusion by my firm conviction that
tho volume would prove a strong anti
slavery document. At all events, I
-eapfessod a willingness to publish it,
and the next thing was to arrange the
terms. Prof. Stowe was in favor of
selling the manuscript for a sum down.
I tell my wife,' said he to me, 'tliat if
she can get a good, black silk dress or
$50 in money for the story, she
had better take it,"
"Do you believe that you could have
bought the story for $50 V
"I believe I could have bought it for
$20."
"So large were the orders for the
book that from the day I first began to .
print it the eight presses never stopped
day or night, save Sundays, for six
months, and even then there were com
plaints that the volumes did not appear
fast enough. In a little while I was
able to inform Prof, and Mrs. Stowe
that their percentage already amounted
to $10,000, and although my contract
with them required me to give a nolo
only I would pay them that sum in
cash." -
"How did they receive your informa
tion?" "They seemed a little dazeel by tho
news. The sum was so vastly beyond
anything they expected or had hereto
fore possessed, that it appeared to them
like a great fortune. When they called at
my office I handed Prof. Stowe my
check for $10,000, payable to his order.
Neither the Prof, nor Mrs. Stowe had
ever beforo received a check, they told
me, and they did not know what to do
with it, or how to get the money it
represented. I explained to the pro-,
f essor that he must indorse the check and
present it for payment. I advised him
to deposit the money in the same bank.
"We went thither "together. I intro
duced him to the president, and tho
professor opened an account. After
instructing him how to keep his
check book and so on, and cautioning
him and his wife never to go about with
more than $5 in their pockets, I bade
them good day, and they went thoir
way rejoicing. When I gave them a
second check for $10,000 I found they
neeeleel no further instruction."
"How many copies of 'Uncle Tom'
diel you publish ?" ,
"More than 320,000 sets of two
volumes each were published in the
first year. After that tho demand fell
off." .
A LAWYEKS NOVEL.
Trof. Swing, of Chicago, in an ad
dress at the Acton, Ind., assemblage
approved of judicious novel reading,
and told this anecdote : "I heard of a
Chicago lawyer onco whose wife read
two novels to him when ho was sick,
anel he said to her : 'I have been en
tirely too much wrapped up in law, and
have forgotten almost everything clso.
When I get well I shall lav aside my
statutes and write a novel, and so lie
did. Tho first chapter told about a
n'ce young man and a pretty young
woman. The second told how they fell
in love. Tho third, a very pretty
chapter, told how they took a walk
together in tho evening and how they
got outside the town becauso the sun
went down and they couldn't see tho
corporation line. It was a very ro
mantic story, but he spoiled it in the
next chapter. After the lovers wero
appropriately seated in tho shade of a
spreading oak, although it was night,
the young man said : 'Adelaide, I can
no longer conceal my feelings. I lovo
you maelly, distractedly, wildly. lean
not live without you. Your image is in
my heart by night and by day, and
without you my life is incomplete.'
Now, that was all very pretty, but
would you believe it ? tho lawyer com
menced that maiden's answer - to that
burning declaration with: 'The other
party responded substantially as fol
lows,' and that took away all the
romance." '
COMPEfTl'l VK EX A MIX A TIONS.
My experience has led me to doubt
tho value of competitive examination.
I believe tho most valuablo qualities for
practical life cannot be got at by any
examination such as steadiness and
perseverance. It may bo well to mako
an examination part of the niode of
judging a man's fitness, but to put him
into an office with public duties to per
form merely on his passing a good ex
amination Is, I think, a bail modo of
preventing mere . patronage. My
brother is one of the best generals that
evef commanded an army, but tho qual
ities that made him so aro quito beyond
the reach of any examination.
.V ES'OLISII VIEW OF CHICAGO.
As a matter of fact the city is hide
ous, and, even if it were the finest ever
designed and completed by an archi
tect, tho telegraph posts in tho princi
pal streets, carrying wires by the
dozen, would renelcr it distasteful to
any one having the slightest eve for ar
chitectural effect. The Chicago people
think the sight of killing pigs one of the
finest in the world, and the visitor is
taken to see it as the greatest of treat.
M IV A HOOT HOLES.
Mica has been applied to a new ute
that of fashioning it into middle soles
to boots and shoes. Tho invention con
sists of a sheet of mica, embodded in
thin coatings of cement, and placed in
tho boot or shoe under and adjacent to
the insole, the upper leather of the eho
lapping over its edgos, or next undei
the filling and the outer or bottom lolo.
anel covering tho under spaco from th
too to the instep.