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About The Columbian. (St. Helens, Columbia County, Or.) 1880-1886 | View Entire Issue (June 8, 1883)
r ' t- f r - r ! yi H".w4ja THE COLUMBIAN. THE COLUMBIAN. published every feed ay ' ' at ... ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR " r-"' ! PlBLUlHal 2LVEBY FE1DAY L..' f 'v4 t K : fv iSTCEtiHlfcOttrilBIA do., OR., E. G. At)AMS, Edoriana Proprietor. E. G. ADAMS, Editor arid Proprietor. Apvebtisino Ratxs: 5 V". - Subscription Bates: One year, in advance. Six month. Three monthi. " . iHmiHwi ,J2 CO . 1 00 VOL. HI., ST. -HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON: JUNE 8, 188S NO. 44. 60 J;'- ...ss fy J-r ry& SaaaaBSaWlllBfra!fttgaMaataB II -JJL. JUL JL1 JZ1 "S-S Vr JLVJJ LL. il i OXX N o ' ; . ' . v - . i H .i i I i ii i i M i ip i i . .. . i .i i,i i i . ii pi t - X A a. V . BETTER THINGS.j ' BettK U-smtill the violet cool than Up the glow- wine; Bitter to b.rk a hidlcn brook than watch dia mond ahloe. . Better th love of a gentle heait . than beauty - faort rroad; I Bdtter the roW liTiD seed than roses in a crowd. i i Better to lore in lonclluesa than ta bask In love all 3y; Better the toantaln In the heart than the foun tain by the way. ; Better be fed by mother' hand than! eat alone at will: I Better to ttust in good han say. "My fnods my storehouse fill." Better to be a little wise than In knowledge to abound: I Better to teach a child than toil to fill ; perfection's round. ' Better to sit at a master's feet than thrill a listen . Iez state: Bet'er to uDect tat thou art proud than be sure that thou art great. Better to walk in the real unseen than watch the hour' even!; 1 Better the "Well doctT' at the la&t than the air with ahoutiijg rent. Better to have a quiet grief than a hurrying de- ngnt: Better tha twilight of the dawn than the noonday burning bright. Better a death when work is done than earth's mobt favored birth; A Better a child in Gael's great house tnan the king of all the earth. PLOT FOi: A PLAY. Several men -were enjoying an after dinner chat and smoke in the smoking room of a well-known dramatic author. Among them was Pereira, the theater manager, who stood leaning against the mantel with a small glass of curacoa in his hand. "The story," he said, "the story, that is the main point. A play is sure to be worthless unless you can narrate the whole plot in five minutes. When an author visits me at my breakfast hour for the purpose of offering a new play, I stop him and say: 'Can you tell me the plot while I am eating this egg? If you cannot your play is worth nothing." And Pereira sipped "his curacoa. "I am not a dramatic author," sa:d Maurioe, the budding ambassador, from the depths of the large easy chair in which he was buried, "but, if you wish, Pereira, I will tell you a story out of which, it seems to me, a clever play wright might make something though the time it would take to eat an egg is very short." "Let ns make it an omelette, then," laughed Pereira. "Agreed. The story is one I heard in Vienna when I was attached to the Em bassy there. There was in Vienna at that time a physician who had become famous for his treatment of diseases of the heart. I will not give his real name, but will call him Doctor Arnold. He was hardly forty years of age, but pos sessed a splendid practice. He was a fine looking man, with elegant, well built figure, regular features, handsome blonde mustache and side whiskers and bine eyes as cold as steel. A Russian family we will call them the Skebeloffs summoned the physician to examine the daughter of the house. His examination disclosed to the specialist the beginnning of an aneurism of the heart. This examination, by the way, must have been a very troublesome one to make. Think of applying one's ear to the heart of a beautiful brunette of nine teen summers, and knocking upon it as if to ask, 'May I enter?' "Proceed with your story; there is no time for digressions," interrupted Pereira. "Although received in good society, the Skebeloffs were regarded with some little doubts. The father was too suc cessful at play; the mother made too pro fuse a display of diamonds; the daughter was too beautiful. Jn short, they were the object of whispers which hinted at everything and declated nothing. De pite the somewhat equivocal standing of the family, JJoctor Arnold was seized with an ardent passion for Mile. Macha Skebeloff, asked her hand in marriage, waa permitted to pay his court to her, and at the end of three months was mar ried to her. The doctor and his bride were a very interesting couple. He loved her both as his wife and as his patient. He adored her and prescribed for her. The little romance delighted the sentimental Austrians. Mme. Arnold's health visibly improved and she often appeared in society, and even waltzed at times." "Notwithstanding the condition of her heart?" "Yes. The young wile appeared to be so far advanced toward recovery that, as her physician, the doctor permitted her a few waltzes. But I think that as her husband he would gladly have revoked the permission, for the handsome Cap tain de Blalewitz an Apollo in white uniform was always the pivot to be in scribed upon her card, and clasped her very tenderly as they danced together. Once more the old myth of Mars and Venus ia3 " "Good," interrupted Pereira, "now you have your characters, go on with the drama." " - - "One day the doctor discoveied a package of letters " "That's old. v;ry old." "Pereira, you are unbearable. Old or not, there was a package of letters " "Which gave to the doctor proofs of his dishonor, I suppose?" "Yes."- "And which prompted him to invent a plan for revenge?" "If you know the story you had better finish i5 yourself." "No, uo,"s:ad Pereir-t. conciliatingly, "I will not interrupt yon. The husband planned a revenge " "Yes, and a terrible one; bnt one which was open only to a physician like him self. Macha was iiot completely cured of the disease fur which he had been treating her for tw.o years with so much zeal and love. He undertook to undo what he had accomplished. Concealing his anger he confined himself to assum ing towards her the air of au uneasy and suspicious husband; and thus created in her the anxieties of an unfaithful wi e dreading discovery. Ho knew from the letters he had read how passionate and absorbing was the feeling existing be tween the two guilty lovers, no was 8ure that they were alwavs seeking tn 66 each other, even in the midst of dan- i crers. The domestic Machiavelli availed himself of this situation of affairs. From that time a strange fate placed all man ner of obstacles between Macha and M. de Blazowitz, and yet did not keep them entirelv apart. It caused them, how ever, to fail in their appointments inter cepted their correspondence, harrassed and empoisoned their love. With this constant succession of anxieties, of dis appointments, of tortures, Mme. Arnold's health again assumed a perilous condi tion. The doctor was killing his wife as certainly and as determinedly as he had previously been curing her. To an hour of excited anxiety and fearj which gave to the circulation a morbid activity, the skilled specialist caused a succession of days of monotonous sadness; whioh con gested the heart aad retained the blood there. Then, suddenly, he feigned to no longer possess " any jealousy, and seemed moved even to tears by the suf ferings of his wife. " 'What can be the matter with yon, my poor Macha?" he would say. 'My science can no longer understand your disease. Yoa have the appearanoe of one who is dying from grief. Are you not happy with me??And while observing with diabolical pleasure the progress of the disease, he crucified his victim with hypocritical professions of sympathy. At the end of six months the syncopes were more frequent, the palpitations more rapid; the most alarming symptoms of aneurism reappeared. : "One evening the doctor entered his wife's apartments apparently mad with rage. " 'Madame,' he cried, I know all. M. de Blazewitz is your lover! "Poor Macha became as pale as a sheet and the violets of death appeared upon her lips. "Kill me!' she said. "That is what he intended to do.. " 'I will not use violence to a woman,' he replied; 'your accomplice has paid the penalty for both. I have fought a duel with M. de Blazewitz; I have killed him!' f "Macha fell to the floor. ; But the doc tor lied ; he had not dared to touch even the mustache of the handsome captain, who was reputed to be the finest swerds man in Tienna. He knelt beside his prostrate wife and took her hand. The pulse still beat; she lived. 1 Then the ex ecutioner administered restoratives and revived her. " 'You will put on a ball dress, all your diamonds, and accompany me to the ball of the Jb rench em oassy, where we are invited.' " 'I cannot I cannot! " 'You will dress yourself and we will go. I have tasen as a pretext ior my duel with M. de Blazewitz a quarrel at cards; but you are compromised. It is necessarv that you should be seen in ' public this evening on my arm. If not, 1 it will be believed that my duel was fought on your account, and I will be dishonored. Dress yourself; I order you to do so.' f "The unfortunate woman was com pelled to obey. How could she refuse a man whom she had so cruelly betrayed She completed her toilet and her husband led her to the ball at the embassador's. There, weak and exhausted, she fell rather than seated herself on a chair. The doctor, looking more handsome and dignified than ever, with all his decora tions on his breast, stood bemud his wife's chair. Suddenly, after a rapid glance into the ante-chamber, he leaned over to Macha as if whispering: a Gal lantry. " 'Grief has not killed you,' he hissed, " 'Not yet, unfortunately,' answered his victim. ' " 'Well, look here,' he: said, noddinr toward the door, 'and die of joy!' 'At that moment a laekey called out loudly: - " 'Captain Baron de Blazewitz!' "The handsome officer entered with smileupon his lips and asusual his eyes im mediately sought out the mistress of his heart. He could hardly recognize her. She had risen to her feet and stood rigid, livid, ghastly, with her diamonds flash ing about her. She cast one terrified glance at him, and fell heavily to the floor dead, 3ead, indeed, this time. There was a terrible commotion. The doctor threw himself upon the body of his wife with a cry of agony, and the grief of M. de Blazewitz would have caused a scandal, if a friend had not taken him from the room. 'All the guests fled, the servants ate the supper and the embassadress was very much annoyed, for she had intended the ball to eclipse all others of the season." ; As Maurice concluded, the others re mained silent for a minute. Even Pereira refrained from one of his customary wit ticisms, and contented himself with fin ishing his curacoa, simply adding: "That will do. Write up your play." A Solid Hitch. A couple from away up in the hills came to town to get married. The groom wore a clay-colored suit of jeans, a broad brimmed, black, slouched hat, and a pair of pants, in the mud bespotted legs of which his high boots were poked. He carried in one hand a black-snake whip. He apparently . was about thirty years of age. The:brid was indeed a bloom ing beauty a good deal better looking than the jersey Ltangtry, and the same age that Eve was when she got married, twenty years. Pulling the license out of his pocket, ho love stricken man "Be vou the 'Squire?" ! "I be." said the "Squire, "what it it you wish?" I "Have you power fur to marry peo ple?" "Yes, sir; I have." "Hitch 'em solid?" j "Yes, sir." "So it can't become undone?" "Yes sir." ! "So Sallie can't get mad at any fool ish thing, run off with another fellow and get a divorce from me?" "Yc-s sir." "Fire ahead, Squire." The 'Squire proceeded to business.and when he got as far as the question to the girl: "do you take this man for your lawful and wedded husband?" the groom lengthened the ceremony by putting ad ditional questions to her,1 for he wanted to be hitched "tighter nur wax:" "And you won't have no more to do with Bill Sykes?" "No." . . "Nur Sam Hill?" " "See here. Sally, don t look down on the floor that way; that means you don't know whether you will or not. IjOOK square in mv face. Sally." Then Sally looked square in his face, and he continued: . "Nur Jack Poweis?" "No." Here the "'Squire interrupted, and said: "I dou't think it's necessary to pin the young lady down so closely. She pronv lRos to be your true and lawful wife, and that is enough. " 'Squire, you don't know that gal like I do. She's a croquette. - She flirts with everyjfeller that gets stuck after her, and there are dozend qf 'em. Now,I want all that business stopped ; and I want it done here by law. "So be it," said the 'Squire; "Sarah Peters is wedded to you for life, and no power on earth can take her from you "That's the talk. Come on, Sally; yon re mine. We re glued for life. Wait till I pay the Squire." ' He paid the 'Squire a dollar all he had and left for his country wagon. happier than he'll ever be again. Ken tucky State Journal. Second Avenue Serenade. Up Second avenue the other night five youngmen softly entered a yard, arranged themselves in a semi-circle on the grass, and suddenly began to sing, while a fuitar and banjo adUed their sugary notes to the general sweetness. As the song was finished a sash went up and a masculine voice called out: " "Splendid! Beautiful! Gentlemen, please repeat." The band on the grass was only too happy to accommodate, and "Only a Pansy Blossom" went floating again on the night breeze. "Entrancing, positively entrancing!" exclaimed the man at the window. "Gen tlemen, 1 don't want to put you to trouble, but if you would only sing that over once more!" The song dragged a little this time, and the alto voice Beemed to have swal lowed a troche down the wrong pipe, bnt it ended at last, find the old man encored and called out: "That's what I call singing, that is! Gentlemen, I'm no hog, but if I could prevail upon you to render that delight ful poem once more it would be a kind ness I never could forget!" There was a great deal of cussing and growling in undertones, but the leader gave the key, and for the fourth time the neighborhood was filled with dread fully faded pansy blossoms. When the last note died away the old man clapped his hands and exclaimed: .."Better and . better! You have my heartfelt thanks. The old woman is deaf, my darter is in Pontiac; and the hired gal quit yesterday, or I'd have 'em all slick their heads out to thank you in person. Good night, gentlemen good night, and if you see fit to come to mor row evening I'll have the old woman sot up with a bed quilt wrapped around her!" Wall Street News. There's No Use Bucking Against Solid Facts. A farmer oame into a grocery store the othe day and exhibited to the eyes of an admiring crowd an enormous egg, about six inches long, which he avowed to have been laid by one of his own hens. He had it packed in cotton and wouldn't al low anyone .to handle it for fear of break ing the phenomenon. The groceryman examined it with the rest, and, intend ing to chaff the countryman, said: "Pshaw! I've got something in the egg line that will beat that." "I'll bet you five dollars you havn't!" said the countryman, getiing excited. "Take it up," replied the grooeryman, and going behind the counter he brought out a wire egg-beater. "There is something in the egg line that will beat it, I guess," said he, reaching out for the stakes. "Oold on there," said the farmer;"Iet's see you beat it," and he handed it to the. grocer. The latter held out his hand for it, but dropped it in surprise on the counter, where it broke two soup plates and a platter. It was of solid iron, painted white. "Some folks think they're darnation cute," murmured the farmer as he pock eted the stakes and lit out, "but 'tain't no use buckin' against the solid facts. Detroit Chaff. Removing Glass Stoppers. The glass stopper to a bottle often be comes so firmly fixed that it resistc all or dinary efforts to remove it. Apotheca ries who handle such bottles daily often acquire skill in removing the fixed corks. A sudden tap with a hard stick or knife handle will often allow the stopper to be readily taken out. If this has been put in place while the bottle is some what warm, the neck of the bottle will contract and hold it very fast. If the neck of the bottle be surrounded by a cloth wet with hot water, the glass will usually expand and allow the stopper to be taken out with ease. The most diffi cult cases are where the liquid in the bottle is' of such a kind that it may form a sort of cement between the cork and the socket. Place such a bottle, stopper downward, in a sauce pan containing water.Let the whole soak for some hours; then place the sauce pan on the stove and heat the water gradually. Try the stopper from time to time: usually it my be removed long before the water is hot enough to boil. By this method we have rarely failed to remove glass corks that resisted all other means. American Agriculturist. The daughter of an English Baronet fell in love with a poor lawyer nearly a hundred years ago. She challenged him to fight a duel, whioh he was forced to accept. She appeared masked. and made him the choice of either fighting her or marrying her. His second, who was also unawaro of . the woman's idenfity, or the cause of her strange oonduct, ad vised his principal to marry her. After the ceremony, during which she still wore the mask, they drove her to her rich home, and after withdrawing for a few moments she returned and at onoe captivated her husband byher beauty and tasteful dress. ; About Pens, Pencils and Ink: One of the largest and most oggressive of the many thorns which strew my daily patnway is tne nor n Die pen, and more horrible ink and most horrible short and' atubby pencil which is invariably dealt out to me when it becomes necessary for mo to "sign my name in. public. I am a woman. I make the confession calmly and unhesitatingly, and as a hum ble representative of the gentle, depreci ated and submissive sex, I lift up my voice and cry put against the pen, ink and pencil abominations which men fur nish to us when we are called upon to subscribe and certify to our identity in their august prepnce. One fair eumirsr day , half a century ago, Serena and I went out among the lawyers. What our errand was, depo nent sayeth not; of course we had not the remotest idea of displacing those gor geously got up young men who recline at ease in the outer office and contem plate their exquisite boots by the hour, but part of .our business consisted in signing our names." A very simple matter, you will say; but wait till you've tried it. My friend's calligraphy was a miracle of neatness, and her pronounced success as a teacher was partly due to to the facility with which she taught this mysterious art. As to myself, the genial editor of the Times, as he "declines with thanks" the sixth hundred at tide which I have sent to the office, remarks as he deposits the aforesaid article in the waste- basket that "it s a pity that that woman can't polish up her ideas in a readable shape; for, aside from the dreadful habit she has of punstuating every fifth word, she isn't the worst of writers by any means." But this is digressing. We first entered the commodious office of Judge Judgehimhard, a leading light among tho legal fraternity. Oh, venera- Dle judge J air and smooth and courtly was your reception of the daring inno vators who swept down upon you. Pa tiently you heard our tale, and smiling graciously yon waved us to the penrack and inkstand of your gorgeous office ta ble. Oh. judce. for that smile vou shall be judged. Did you not know that your ink-well contained not ink, but a black, vicious glue which adhered, obstinately, persistently to the wretched, stubby monstrosity you called a pen? Did your natsy office clerk, who twirled his mus taohe and elevated his heels with such characteristic elegance as soon as your oolossal back was turned, and we women only were present, did he furnish his clear, legible copy from such material? Serena glanced helplessly at me as she essayed fruitlessly to affix her autograph to the highly embossed card which the udge had given her. I came swiftly to the rescue. "Tilt the inkwell," I whispered. Suiting the action to the work, and tilt it did with a vengeance. I had supposed there wasn't drop of even adhesive glne in the wretched thing; but a3 it tilted over the table, ami parchments and carpet I con cluded that there were quarts and quarts of the freest flowing ink in it, and the young man being intently occupied with his boot tois, 1 grasped Serena s arm and beat an ignominious retreat. Down the stairs we fled wildly, and after plac ing several blocks between us and the scene of our mishaps, I glanced at Serena. "Well?" she queried doubt ingly. "Try again," I answered cheer- ully, and we accordingly turned our steps to the office of Judge Thusandso. After some parleying with the "scout" who insisted that our business must be transmitted through his hands, while we indignantly scouted the idea, we were admitted to the inner sanctum. After stating our business we waved by the gallant judge, to a table where stood the usual array of vicious looking pens and pale horrible ink. "You try first, whispered Serena get ting behind me, and I anxious to redeem my reputation,' tried. I dipped the alleged pen into the alleged ink and en deavored to frame in bold masculine characters tho name appended to this article but the pen scrawled in a blind indistinct sort of fashion. I flattened the point on my thumb nail, I bit savagely, I turned it on this side and the other, and desperately sterring the ink, I corralled a drop and triumphantly began to trace my patronymic. Alas! before I had formed three letters down came a dreadful bloc irom Rome unex plored region of that awful pen and I laid it down in sad, sorrowful silence. Serena came forward and with flushed ace and trembling fingers wrestled a few moments with the monster. Her attempt appeared to be more suc cessful and we turned to wait the de cision of the learned judge who had been patiently watching our efforts. Vith infinite sadness and gentleness the udge remarked, "Ah yes, very good. very good, but unfortunately we are not in need of war-maps or chromatio scales, specimens or handwriting is what we de sire just at present, good morning." This was the last straw and we turned away. j It's an abominable shame, I said hotly, as we discussed matters over our cosy unch an hour later. Men just conspire to keep women down and depress them. Now, Laura, you know you can write your name well, if you only have anything to write with and I can write well enough myself, not beautifully of course, but plainly and legibly, as that lawyer put it well, what did I do to-day? and not to-day alone, but every time I at tempt any of the odious business. I once signed my name in a bank register. I had deposited three dollars in the con cern, and I have no donbt that the direc tors would have given thirty-three dol lars for the privilege of erasing that fiendish scrawl from their fair pages. I once superscribed a legal document, and tho face of the attorney, familiar as he was with the most harrowing details of crime, grew white with horrified amaze ment as he gazed upon that superscrip tion.. I onoe entered my name upon the list of the circulating library the librarian would . secure my undying friendship, if he'd have that awful scrawl erased from that literary autograph album. Even the expressmen and dis patch boys enter the list against me "Dispatch mum, very important, sign right here, mum" and I am handed a stub of a lead-pencil worn down to solid wood. "Not there, mum, upper line, mum," and in desperation I scrawl here, there, anywhere, while the irrate messen ger glowers at me with, "sign the time mum." How can I sign the time accord ing to their manual " I don't know wha "6:50" m.aDS and I don't want to know and as for confining myself to a single line with that pencil stub, the thing is simply impossible, and nowi those ex press men and dispatch boys needn't point to a line with that stub of a penoil and tell me to "sign there." I can t and I won't; if they want me to keep on one line let them sharpen their pencils, or 1 11 write into Mrs. Smith a. Brown's or Jones' line without oompunction. It s a shame to treat us so. we could write well enough if we had anything to write with. And .Laura, serenely sipping her choco late murmurs "never mind dear, better luck next time, I'll go back to the young idea or business, and you tell them about it in the papers, and perhaps they'll re- j i . - , i . new toe ins ana pens ana suarpen the pencils once in a lifetime and if they do this shall not have Buffered in vain. Oh serene Serena! calm as Bummer moonlight how I envy you your beauti ful, wondrous sustaining philosophy how I fret and fume and gash myself over the thorns which beset my path. while your fair feet scarcely crumple the rosoleaves which your sw eetness scatters everywhere. Sip your chooolate and crunch your bonbons, sweet one; but my heart is a heart of flamo and fire, and never, never will I forget that awful mo ment when I upset the J udge Judgehimhard's table and velvet carpet. inkstand over green baize Circus-Struck itruck ttirlsi y amusing experic "Jiver have anv riences from circus -struck girls?r asked a re- porter of a circus man. ! "Lots of them, and some of them very funny. I remember one season I was in a small Indiana town waiting for my cir cus to come. I was waiti ag in the bar room of the hotel reading, when the land lord came up to me and said that there was a lady in the parlor that wanted to see me. I went to the rolom i and found there a lady apparently about forty -five years of age. In all my experiences I do not think I have ever seen a thinner woman in my life. Honostly, I do not think she weighed more than sixty Eounds. When I entered the room she egan bowing and smirking! in a ludi crous manner, and it required considera ble will power to keep a straight face. She inquired if I was I he circus man ager, and being answered in the affirma tive, she got right down t5 business and said she wanted an engagement. Of oourse I asked her the usual questions of experience, and, as I expected, found that she had none, but was confident in her undoubted ability tc make a great sensation as an eq lestrienne. I told her to call again the day that the circus was here, and he would give her a trial. As soon as the tc it was up I had one of the men place the 'mechanic' in position. The 'mechanic,' you kuow, is a machine used on learne :s to keep them from falling. Well, I let several of the performers into the secre ;, and secured Miss Stoke 's riding dress, one of those short balloon affairs, you know, and with the aid of one of the cqneert girls, got the old lady all arrayed, and 1 can tell you she was a sight. But she had great nerve and considerable good luck, for she went around on the horse's back two or three times without losing her balance. The horse was whipped up a 'little faster and that made her dizzy, jand away she went, but the 'mechanic-' kept her from hurting herself. In fifteen minutes she begged to be let down and that ended all the ambition to be a circus rider. I sub sequently learned that she was worth in her own name over $50,0p0, and that her family was one of the oldest in the state. Real Inventor of the Steamboat. A statue of Robert Fulton has been erected in the National Hal To f Statuary in the capitol,to represent Pennsylvania. It was placed in its position yesterday. Robert Fulton is generally credited with being the inventor of the steamboat; and by many persons he'is also! supposed to have been a native of New York. Both of these notions are erroneous. He was not the inventor of the steamboat, and he was a native of Pennsylvania. The in ventor of the steamboat was John Fitch. This man, a native of that part of old Windsor that is on the east side of the Connecticut river anil is now includ ed in the newer township of South Windsor, conceived the idea f a steam boat while living in Philadelphia in 1874, 23 years before Fulton started his boat Fitch went ahead with his idea, peti tioned Congress in 1785 for aid to build his vessel, and submitted his model to the American Philosophical Society of Philadelphia. He received some assist ance from individuals, went ahead, built a boat, the Perseverance, and had it in actual operation on the IDeleware on the 1st of May, 1787. Hial engine was the first double-acting condensing engine, transmitted power by means of cranks, ever constructed. Thej boat made sev eral trips, up and down the river; but, owing to the difficulty in i keeping the piston tight against the comparatively rough interior surface jf the cylinder, the rate was slow only three miles per hour. Fitch then improved it, so n that, in 1788, it made eight miles an hour. It was then put into regular used on the Delaware. Fulton saw it,' and in later years saw Fitch's model! io Paris, where the inventor took it in the vain hope of getting French artisans to build a steam er. Fulton, who unlike) Fitch, had the important aid of wealthy friends, failed in the invention of a submarine torpedo boat. Then he undertook, some seven teen years after Fitch's triumphant dem onstation on the Deleware, to make a steamboat to ply on the Seine, at Paris; but it proved a total failure. He then went to England and Scotland, and studied up the mechanism I of a steam canal tow boat, whioh, built on a wrong principal, was trying tc do :work on the Clyde. Having the means, he bought a powerful engine, of Watt's invention, in England, in 180G, and sent it to the United States, where ih 1807, he got it at work in the Clermont. This boat made five miles up stream1 not equal to Fitch's boat on the Pelaware, twenty years before. But Fitch was poor and destined always to bitter trials and dis appointments. Fulton had powerful friends, and obtained unjustly the credit of being - the inventor of the steamboat. Fitch died in disappoint ment and obscrurity, by an overdose of opium; Fulton goes into the hall of stat uary in the capitol. But history will yet right this matter and do justice to John Fitch. Hartford Daily Times. Bodies Made Hard as Stone. Every corpse that is taken to the Paris morgue is now quickly converted into a block almost as hard as stone. This result is ' obtained by Carre's chemical refrigerator, which is capable of reduc ing the temperature of the gruesome conservatory where each body is laid out on something resembling, a camp bedstead, in stone, 15 degrees below centigrade. At the back of this salle is a row of - stove-like compartments in which the corpses are boxed up and fro zen hard before being exposed to public view. As an illustration of the intense cold thus artificially secured, a Paris journalist, in describing a recent visit to the morgue, says that in opening one of the attendants took tho precautions to wear a glove least his hand should be burned by contact with cold iron. The corpse which was taken out of the receptacle had been there nine hours. The doe tor who accompanied the visitor strucK the dead man on the breast with a stick and the sound was just as if he had struck a stone. "C'est effrayant!" adds this descriptive writer. "My guide informed me," he continued, "that corpses frozen at this temperature will stand erect on their feet, and should they fall down they do not sustain the slight est scratch. But the nose is like that of marble chimney pieoe crashing down on the floor." During the experiments which preceded the adoption of the new system corpses in this frozen state were actually thrown about; although they made "un fracas . terrible," they were not in the least damaged. No won der that the morgue has become more than ever attractive as oue of the 'sights of Paris," and that municipality contemplate the erection of a larger building for the accommodation of its unclaimed dead. St. James Gazette. Oatf. To secure a good crop of oats, we have always made it a point to sow early, and to this fact principally we owe our suc cess with this grain. Just as soon as the soil can possibly be put under the plow, we have the ground thoroughly broken up, when the oats are sown, broadcast, on the plowed ground, and the wnoie piece then well harrowed, both ways of the field. If the piece is harrowed be- ore sowing the oats, it makes it so level, usually, that no after harrowing will cover the grain properly, a large quan tity of it being left exposed, affording ood for fowls and birds, or else wasting. And as to fertilizers, we prefer broad casting, with the oats (before harrow ing) , if stable manure is applied, or after the first harrowing and before- the second, if the ordinary commercial fer tilizer is used. Just here we will remark that no kind of grain (excepting corn, whioh is cultivated.) should be sown be- t xreen fruit trees, and especially amongst youag ones, for we have seen splendid young and promising fruit orchards completely ruined by sowing only one crop of wheat, rye or oats between the trees. Better let the orchard "go to grass" for a year though that is not good policy, by any means than to try to economize in that way. Western Plowman. A Sharp Woman. A woman dropped into a commission house on Wood bridge street to pur chase a barrel of apples for family use, but did not mean to be bitten in the pur chase. "Are all the best ones on top?" she cautiously asked. "Oh, no; the contents are alike all the way through." "Will you knock the head out of the other end?" "Certainly madame," and in two min utes the feat was accomplished, and she saw the same grade of choice apples. This satisfied her that there was no de ception, and she paid over the money. It was not until she related the circum stance at the dinner table that anything happened to raise a doubt in her mind. Then her husband said: "My dear, I used to boy and pack and ship apples. The rule is a peck of nice nes at either end of the parrel and a bushel and a half of worm holes in the middle. Pass the butter." Detroit Free Press. Sensitire Feelings. "The next time I meet you," ex claimed an angry man to a passer-by, "I'll whale yoa till you can't stand up." "What's the matter?" asked un ac quaintance. "You see, I owe the devilish fellow, and he persists in meeting me." "Does he insultingly remind you of your obligation by speaking of it in the presence of others?" "No, he never says anything." "Then what right have you to com plain?" "Well, he knows devilish well that it is embarrassing for me to meet him, that it makes me feel bad, bnt when he sees me coming he doesn t get out of my way. Why doesn't he leave town until I pay him?" Little Rock Gazette. Gossip About Singers. Marie Rose is the only singer of distinction who isn't afraid of catching oold. Nilason treats her throat as she would a sick baby; Kellogg was afraid to venture out of doors twenty -four hours before she sang; Hauk goes to bed and remains there in oomplete silence six hours be fore she appears in concert; Abbott has the door and-windows of her room hung with bed blankets lest a draft strike her precious person ; Gerster wears a heavy shawl while walking the hall of her hotel but Marie Rose is as careless of exposure as a child. She sits in drafts, takes long walks, drives through all sort of weather, and literally defies siokness and the elements. . Cincinnati is as far from being the Paris of America as a pigsty is from be ing a Paradise, but it can get more noise out of a brass band than any other city in the world. One iquar (10 linen) lint Incrtioni Ti 00 Each subsequent losextion..-- l 00 ALL SORTS. - The electric incandescent pocketbook is the latest; it is always light. The only rod this country has in piokla is in the hands of the star route jury. A young woman whose lover is a tele graph operator calls him her electric spark. .- "As free as water" is an old saying which does not hold good in this oity. Ice, however, is freeze water. For rank la good and told If fair, nd hign and low mt lit. But Iot naa nTer kuown a Uv Beyond ber owui arect will. A short hand reporter in New York has invented a new trestle for the accommo dation of Mr.JSwta' suspension .;. sen tences. - At London dinners it has ceased to be fashionable to rise to any toast except the queen, and she is always drunk -standing. The Khedive of Egypt must be the proprietor of somo paper, or else he owns some stock in one. His income is $735, 000 a year. A southern man who, during the height of the craze, named his son "Pin afore," hopes he'll die before he gets big' enough to like him. A fine language: "Procrastinate ees to put off, eh? Tres blent The man who is drunk you procrastinate from the can, Ver seemple, ver' fine language." "Charles, dear," she murmured as she strolled along the other evening and gazed up at the bejeweled firmament, "which is Venus and which is Adonis?" Said Brown: "Smith won't haye so soft a job as he has had." "I don't know," replied Robinson; "hell have a soft thing as long as he doesn't lose his head." The latest novelty among society dam sels in" New York is "complexion dogs." . No girl will now appear on the street with a dog that does not match her com plexion. This explains why yellow dogs are so fashionable. "What county do you represent, fcir?" asked one individual of another in front of a saloon in St. Paul, Minn., one day last wees:, legislature,' "I'm not a member of the was the reply; "I'm only a private citizen on a drunk.' A woman in Nanticoke compelled her husband to go out in the middle of the night and spade the garden. It is at this time of the year that nightmare in inte rior towns takes the form of a kitchen garden and a rusty spade. The dirtiest man that you will encoun ter is the one that leaves a box of soap at your house for a few days. "Is it real good?" asked a lady of one of these soap venders; and then, looking at him, aha added, reflectively, "But of course you wouldn't know anything about it." An interview is a modern invention good n at u redly adopted by newpspers to' enable public men to put their ideas be fore the people without assuming the re sponsibility for them, and in a form to be repudiated as the inaccurate work of the reporter in case, the views do not "take." Fiict dude, with an embarrassed smile: 'Say, Augustus, I really believe I've broken a corset lacing. Have you an extr one with you?" Second dude, with an expresaioa of horror: "Roally! why, Algernon, where could you fix it if you had one? The gyurls are all looking at us, you know." One of the leading papers of Toronto claims with a great deal xf ingenuity that the team of lacrosse players that will visit England during the coming summer will serve to advertise Canada tkS a home for emigrants and a field for capital. It is sincerely hoped that the boat club that went to England last year and the American horses now on the English turf will not be taken as an ad vertisement of this country" to any ex tent. There are somo things that Amer icans will not endure. I A HCMCKICAL COCET.HIF. 2 lorert aat beneath tne ahadr. And 1 na'2 the otaer aid : "How 14 8 that yon be Hare smiled npon tbla salt of mine : If ft a Heart, it pupe you Toy voice is muS melody 'Tia 7 to by thy loved 1, 2 Pay, Oy nymph, will inairy raT' Ttoen llaped she Bolt. " tfhy. 131y." PERSONAL. Sarah Bernhardt has been getting her life insured in favor of her son Ma-arioa. None of Queen Victoria's children are allowed to see her without special per mission. Princess Louise pieces out her hus band's income of $50,000 with an income of $33,000 of her own. The marquis of Lome is nearly thirty eight years old, and Princess Louise is just over thirty-five. Alexander Mitchell has, it is stid, in his house in Milwaukee probably the finest library in the west. Lord Landsdowne has been requested to accept the presidency of the Royal Geographical society of London. The real name of .Louise Miohel, the French anarchist woman, is said to be Mme. Tinayre, and she has two sons. Marie Rose was entertained at break fast recently by Mr. and Mrs. Gladstone at the premier a official residence. Jefferson Davis is growing oranges on his Mississippi plantation, and believes the oonditions there more favorably than in Florida. Henry D. MoDaniel, who was elected governor of Georgia recently, is worth about $50,000 and has a practice as a lawyer worth from $3000 to $4000 a year. The world is soon to see the flrit col ored tragedienne Henrietta Vintc a Da vis of Washington who is said to pos sess special talent for the stage. She is very fine looking, a mulatto, and has a good voice. Mrs. Mary J. Stover, Andrew John son's daughter, who died recently, left two daughters, Mrs. Maloney and Mrs Bachman, and son. There is now but one child of the late president living Mrs. Patterson. The young marquis of Conyrtam. who is one of the greatest landowt ars in Ireland, received a rapturous . reception on bringing his bride to Slano 0atlo his prinoely home in Meath, last irionth. His wife is an Irishwoman. f