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THE COLUMBIAN.
THE COLUMBIAN.
published every feed ay ' '
at ...
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR
"
r-"' ! PlBLUlHal 2LVEBY FE1DAY
L..' f 'v4 t K :
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Apvebtisino Ratxs:
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iHmiHwi
,J2 CO
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VOL. HI.,
ST. -HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON: JUNE 8, 188S
NO. 44.
60
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. BETTER THINGS.j '
BettK U-smtill the violet cool than Up the glow-
wine;
Bitter to b.rk a hidlcn brook than watch dia
mond ahloe. .
Better th love of a gentle heait . than beauty
- faort rroad; I
Bdtter the roW liTiD seed than roses in a
crowd. i
i
Better to lore in lonclluesa than ta bask In love all
3y;
Better the toantaln In the heart than the foun
tain by the way. ;
Better be fed by mother' hand than! eat alone at
will: I
Better to ttust in good han say. "My fnods my
storehouse fill."
Better to be a little wise than In knowledge to
abound: I
Better to teach a child than toil to fill ; perfection's
round. '
Better to sit at a master's feet than thrill a listen
. Iez state:
Bet'er to uDect tat thou art proud than be sure
that thou art great.
Better to walk in the real unseen than watch the
hour' even!; 1
Better the "Well doctT' at the la&t than the air
with ahoutiijg rent.
Better to have a quiet grief than a hurrying de-
ngnt:
Better tha twilight of the dawn than the noonday
burning bright.
Better a death when work is done than earth's
mobt favored birth;
A Better a child in Gael's great house tnan the king
of all the earth.
PLOT FOi: A PLAY.
Several men -were enjoying an after
dinner chat and smoke in the smoking
room of a well-known dramatic author.
Among them was Pereira, the theater
manager, who stood leaning against the
mantel with a small glass of curacoa in
his hand.
"The story," he said, "the story, that
is the main point. A play is sure to be
worthless unless you can narrate the
whole plot in five minutes. When an
author visits me at my breakfast hour for
the purpose of offering a new play, I
stop him and say: 'Can you tell me the
plot while I am eating this egg? If you
cannot your play is worth nothing."
And Pereira sipped "his curacoa.
"I am not a dramatic author," sa:d
Maurioe, the budding ambassador, from
the depths of the large easy chair in
which he was buried, "but, if you wish,
Pereira, I will tell you a story out of
which, it seems to me, a clever play
wright might make something though
the time it would take to eat an egg is
very short."
"Let ns make it an omelette, then,"
laughed Pereira.
"Agreed. The story is one I heard in
Vienna when I was attached to the Em
bassy there. There was in Vienna at
that time a physician who had become
famous for his treatment of diseases of
the heart. I will not give his real name,
but will call him Doctor Arnold. He
was hardly forty years of age, but pos
sessed a splendid practice. He was a
fine looking man, with elegant, well
built figure, regular features, handsome
blonde mustache and side whiskers and
bine eyes as cold as steel. A Russian
family we will call them the
Skebeloffs summoned the physician to
examine the daughter of the house. His
examination disclosed to the specialist
the beginnning of an aneurism of the
heart. This examination, by the way,
must have been a very troublesome one
to make. Think of applying one's ear to
the heart of a beautiful brunette of nine
teen summers, and knocking upon it as
if to ask, 'May I enter?'
"Proceed with your story; there is no
time for digressions," interrupted
Pereira.
"Although received in good society,
the Skebeloffs were regarded with some
little doubts. The father was too suc
cessful at play; the mother made too pro
fuse a display of diamonds; the daughter
was too beautiful. Jn short, they were
the object of whispers which hinted at
everything and declated nothing. De
pite the somewhat equivocal standing
of the family, JJoctor Arnold was seized
with an ardent passion for Mile. Macha
Skebeloff, asked her hand in marriage,
waa permitted to pay his court to her,
and at the end of three months was mar
ried to her. The doctor and his bride
were a very interesting couple. He
loved her both as his wife and as his
patient. He adored her and prescribed
for her. The little romance delighted
the sentimental Austrians. Mme.
Arnold's health visibly improved and
she often appeared in society, and even
waltzed at times."
"Notwithstanding the condition of her
heart?"
"Yes. The young wile appeared to be
so far advanced toward recovery that, as
her physician, the doctor permitted her
a few waltzes. But I think that as her
husband he would gladly have revoked
the permission, for the handsome Cap
tain de Blalewitz an Apollo in white
uniform was always the pivot to be in
scribed upon her card, and clasped her
very tenderly as they danced together.
Once more the old myth of Mars and
Venus ia3 "
"Good," interrupted Pereira, "now
you have your characters, go on with the
drama." " - -
"One day the doctor discoveied a
package of letters "
"That's old. v;ry old."
"Pereira, you are unbearable. Old or
not, there was a package of letters "
"Which gave to the doctor proofs of
his dishonor, I suppose?"
"Yes."-
"And which prompted him to invent a
plan for revenge?"
"If you know the story you had better
finish i5 yourself."
"No, uo,"s:ad Pereir-t. conciliatingly,
"I will not interrupt yon. The husband
planned a revenge "
"Yes, and a terrible one; bnt one which
was open only to a physician like him
self. Macha was iiot completely cured
of the disease fur which he had been
treating her for tw.o years with so much
zeal and love. He undertook to undo
what he had accomplished. Concealing
his anger he confined himself to assum
ing towards her the air of au uneasy and
suspicious husband; and thus created in
her the anxieties of an unfaithful wi e
dreading discovery. Ho knew from the
letters he had read how passionate and
absorbing was the feeling existing be
tween the two guilty lovers, no was
8ure that they were alwavs seeking tn
66 each other, even in the midst of dan- i
crers. The domestic Machiavelli availed
himself of this situation of affairs. From
that time a strange fate placed all man
ner of obstacles between Macha and M.
de Blazowitz, and yet did not keep them
entirelv apart. It caused them, how
ever, to fail in their appointments inter
cepted their correspondence, harrassed
and empoisoned their love. With this
constant succession of anxieties, of dis
appointments, of tortures, Mme. Arnold's
health again assumed a perilous condi
tion. The doctor was killing his wife as
certainly and as determinedly as he had
previously been curing her. To an hour
of excited anxiety and fearj which gave
to the circulation a morbid activity, the
skilled specialist caused a succession of
days of monotonous sadness; whioh con
gested the heart aad retained the blood
there. Then, suddenly, he feigned to no
longer possess " any jealousy, and
seemed moved even to tears by the suf
ferings of his wife.
" 'What can be the matter with yon,
my poor Macha?" he would say. 'My
science can no longer understand your
disease. Yoa have the appearanoe of
one who is dying from grief. Are you
not happy with me??And while observing
with diabolical pleasure the progress of
the disease, he crucified his victim with
hypocritical professions of sympathy.
At the end of six months the syncopes
were more frequent, the palpitations
more rapid; the most alarming symptoms
of aneurism reappeared. :
"One evening the doctor entered his
wife's apartments apparently mad with
rage.
" 'Madame,' he cried, I know all. M.
de Blazewitz is your lover!
"Poor Macha became as pale as a sheet
and the violets of death appeared upon
her lips.
"Kill me!' she said.
"That is what he intended to do..
" 'I will not use violence to a woman,'
he replied; 'your accomplice has paid
the penalty for both. I have fought a
duel with M. de Blazewitz; I have killed
him!' f
"Macha fell to the floor. ; But the doc
tor lied ; he had not dared to touch even
the mustache of the handsome captain,
who was reputed to be the finest swerds
man in Tienna. He knelt beside his
prostrate wife and took her hand. The
pulse still beat; she lived. 1 Then the ex
ecutioner administered restoratives and
revived her.
" 'You will put on a ball dress, all
your diamonds, and accompany me to
the ball of the Jb rench em oassy, where
we are invited.'
" 'I cannot I cannot!
" 'You will dress yourself and we will
go. I have tasen as a pretext ior my
duel with M. de Blazewitz a quarrel at
cards; but you are compromised. It is
necessarv that you should be seen in '
public this evening on my arm. If not, 1
it will be believed that my duel was
fought on your account, and I will be
dishonored. Dress yourself; I order
you to do so.' f
"The unfortunate woman was com
pelled to obey. How could she refuse a
man whom she had so cruelly betrayed
She completed her toilet and her husband
led her to the ball at the embassador's.
There, weak and exhausted, she fell
rather than seated herself on a chair.
The doctor, looking more handsome and
dignified than ever, with all his decora
tions on his breast, stood bemud his
wife's chair. Suddenly, after a rapid
glance into the ante-chamber, he leaned
over to Macha as if whispering: a Gal
lantry.
" 'Grief has not killed you,' he hissed,
" 'Not yet, unfortunately,' answered
his victim. '
" 'Well, look here,' he: said, noddinr
toward the door, 'and die of joy!'
'At that moment a laekey called out
loudly: -
" 'Captain Baron de Blazewitz!'
"The handsome officer entered with
smileupon his lips and asusual his eyes im
mediately sought out the mistress of his
heart. He could hardly recognize her.
She had risen to her feet and stood rigid,
livid, ghastly, with her diamonds flash
ing about her. She cast one terrified
glance at him, and fell heavily to the
floor dead, 3ead, indeed, this time.
There was a terrible commotion. The
doctor threw himself upon the body of
his wife with a cry of agony, and the
grief of M. de Blazewitz would have
caused a scandal, if a friend had not
taken him from the room. 'All the guests
fled, the servants ate the supper and the
embassadress was very much annoyed,
for she had intended the ball to eclipse
all others of the season." ;
As Maurice concluded, the others re
mained silent for a minute. Even Pereira
refrained from one of his customary wit
ticisms, and contented himself with fin
ishing his curacoa, simply adding:
"That will do. Write up your play."
A Solid Hitch.
A couple from away up in the hills
came to town to get married. The groom
wore a clay-colored suit of jeans, a broad
brimmed, black, slouched hat, and a pair
of pants, in the mud bespotted legs of
which his high boots were poked. He
carried in one hand a black-snake whip.
He apparently . was about thirty years
of age. The:brid was indeed a bloom
ing beauty a good deal better looking
than the jersey Ltangtry, and the same
age that Eve was when she got married,
twenty years. Pulling the license out
of his pocket, ho love stricken man
"Be vou the 'Squire?" !
"I be." said the "Squire, "what it it
you wish?" I
"Have you power fur to marry peo
ple?" "Yes, sir; I have."
"Hitch 'em solid?" j
"Yes, sir."
"So it can't become undone?"
"Yes sir." !
"So Sallie can't get mad at any fool
ish thing, run off with another fellow
and get a divorce from me?"
"Yc-s sir."
"Fire ahead, Squire."
The 'Squire proceeded to business.and
when he got as far as the question to the
girl: "do you take this man for your
lawful and wedded husband?" the groom
lengthened the ceremony by putting ad
ditional questions to her,1 for he wanted
to be hitched "tighter nur wax:"
"And you won't have no more to do
with Bill Sykes?"
"No." .
. "Nur Sam Hill?" "
"See here. Sally, don t look down on
the floor that way; that means you don't
know whether you will or not. IjOOK
square in mv face. Sally."
Then Sally looked square in his face,
and he continued: .
"Nur Jack Poweis?"
"No."
Here the "'Squire interrupted, and
said:
"I dou't think it's necessary to pin the
young lady down so closely. She pronv
lRos to be your true and lawful wife, and
that is enough.
" 'Squire, you don't know that gal like
I do. She's a croquette. - She flirts with
everyjfeller that gets stuck after her, and
there are dozend qf 'em. Now,I want all
that business stopped ; and I want it done
here by law.
"So be it," said the 'Squire; "Sarah
Peters is wedded to you for life, and no
power on earth can take her from you
"That's the talk. Come on, Sally;
yon re mine. We re glued for life. Wait
till I pay the Squire." '
He paid the 'Squire a dollar all he
had and left for his country wagon.
happier than he'll ever be again. Ken
tucky State Journal.
Second Avenue Serenade.
Up Second avenue the other night five
youngmen softly entered a yard, arranged
themselves in a semi-circle on the grass,
and suddenly began to sing, while a
fuitar and banjo adUed their sugary
notes to the general sweetness. As the
song was finished a sash went up and a
masculine voice called out: "
"Splendid! Beautiful! Gentlemen,
please repeat."
The band on the grass was only too
happy to accommodate, and "Only a
Pansy Blossom" went floating again on
the night breeze.
"Entrancing, positively entrancing!"
exclaimed the man at the window. "Gen
tlemen, 1 don't want to put you to
trouble, but if you would only sing that
over once more!"
The song dragged a little this time,
and the alto voice Beemed to have swal
lowed a troche down the wrong pipe, bnt
it ended at last, find the old man encored
and called out:
"That's what I call singing, that is!
Gentlemen, I'm no hog, but if I could
prevail upon you to render that delight
ful poem once more it would be a kind
ness I never could forget!"
There was a great deal of cussing and
growling in undertones, but the leader
gave the key, and for the fourth time
the neighborhood was filled with dread
fully faded pansy blossoms. When the
last note died away the old man clapped
his hands and exclaimed:
.."Better and . better! You have my
heartfelt thanks. The old woman is deaf,
my darter is in Pontiac; and the hired
gal quit yesterday, or I'd have 'em all
slick their heads out to thank you in
person. Good night, gentlemen good
night, and if you see fit to come to mor
row evening I'll have the old woman
sot up with a bed quilt wrapped around
her!" Wall Street News.
There's No Use
Bucking Against Solid
Facts.
A farmer oame into a grocery store the
othe day and exhibited to the eyes of an
admiring crowd an enormous egg, about
six inches long, which he avowed to have
been laid by one of his own hens. He
had it packed in cotton and wouldn't al
low anyone .to handle it for fear of break
ing the phenomenon. The groceryman
examined it with the rest, and, intend
ing to chaff the countryman, said:
"Pshaw! I've got something in the egg
line that will beat that."
"I'll bet you five dollars you havn't!"
said the countryman, getiing excited.
"Take it up," replied the grooeryman,
and going behind the counter he
brought out a wire egg-beater. "There
is something in the egg line that will
beat it, I guess," said he, reaching out
for the stakes.
"Oold on there," said the farmer;"Iet's
see you beat it," and he handed it to the.
grocer. The latter held out his hand for
it, but dropped it in surprise on the
counter, where it broke two soup plates
and a platter. It was of solid iron, painted
white.
"Some folks think they're darnation
cute," murmured the farmer as he pock
eted the stakes and lit out, "but 'tain't
no use buckin' against the solid facts.
Detroit Chaff.
Removing Glass Stoppers.
The glass stopper to a bottle often be
comes so firmly fixed that it resistc all or
dinary efforts to remove it. Apotheca
ries who handle such bottles daily often
acquire skill in removing the fixed corks.
A sudden tap with a hard stick or knife
handle will often allow the stopper to
be readily taken out. If this has been
put in place while the bottle is some
what warm, the neck of the bottle will
contract and hold it very fast. If the
neck of the bottle be surrounded by a
cloth wet with hot water, the glass will
usually expand and allow the stopper to
be taken out with ease. The most diffi
cult cases are where the liquid in the
bottle is' of such a kind that it may form
a sort of cement between the cork and
the socket. Place such a bottle, stopper
downward, in a sauce pan containing
water.Let the whole soak for some hours;
then place the sauce pan on the stove
and heat the water gradually. Try the
stopper from time to time: usually it
my be removed long before the water
is hot enough to boil. By this method
we have rarely failed to remove glass
corks that resisted all other means.
American Agriculturist.
The daughter of an English Baronet
fell in love with a poor lawyer nearly a
hundred years ago. She challenged him
to fight a duel, whioh he was forced to
accept. She appeared masked. and made
him the choice of either fighting her or
marrying her. His second, who was
also unawaro of . the woman's idenfity,
or the cause of her strange oonduct, ad
vised his principal to marry her. After
the ceremony, during which she still
wore the mask, they drove her to her
rich home, and after withdrawing for a
few moments she returned and at onoe
captivated her husband byher beauty and
tasteful dress.
; About Pens, Pencils and Ink:
One of the largest and most oggressive
of the many thorns which strew my daily
patnway is tne nor n Die pen, and more
horrible ink and most horrible short and'
atubby pencil which is invariably dealt
out to me when it becomes necessary for
mo to "sign my name in. public.
I am a woman. I make the confession
calmly and unhesitatingly, and as a hum
ble representative of the gentle, depreci
ated and submissive sex, I lift up my
voice and cry put against the pen, ink
and pencil abominations which men fur
nish to us when we are called upon to
subscribe and certify to our identity in
their august prepnce.
One fair eumirsr day , half a century
ago, Serena and I went out among the
lawyers. What our errand was, depo
nent sayeth not; of course we had not the
remotest idea of displacing those gor
geously got up young men who recline
at ease in the outer office and contem
plate their exquisite boots by the hour,
but part of .our business consisted in
signing our names." A very simple
matter, you will say; but wait till you've
tried it. My friend's calligraphy was a
miracle of neatness, and her pronounced
success as a teacher was partly due to
to the facility with which she taught this
mysterious art. As to myself, the genial
editor of the Times, as he "declines with
thanks" the sixth hundred at tide which
I have sent to the office, remarks as he
deposits the aforesaid article in the waste-
basket that "it s a pity that that woman
can't polish up her ideas in a readable
shape; for, aside from the dreadful habit
she has of punstuating every fifth word,
she isn't the worst of writers by any
means." But this is digressing. We
first entered the commodious office of
Judge Judgehimhard, a leading light
among tho legal fraternity. Oh, venera-
Dle judge J air and smooth and courtly
was your reception of the daring inno
vators who swept down upon you. Pa
tiently you heard our tale, and smiling
graciously yon waved us to the penrack
and inkstand of your gorgeous office ta
ble. Oh. judce. for that smile vou shall
be judged. Did you not know that your
ink-well contained not ink, but a black,
vicious glue which adhered, obstinately,
persistently to the wretched, stubby
monstrosity you called a pen? Did your
natsy office clerk, who twirled his mus
taohe and elevated his heels with such
characteristic elegance as soon as your
oolossal back was turned, and we women
only were present, did he furnish his
clear, legible copy from such material?
Serena glanced helplessly at me as she
essayed fruitlessly to affix her autograph
to the highly embossed card which the
udge had given her.
I came swiftly to the rescue. "Tilt
the inkwell," I whispered. Suiting the
action to the work, and tilt it did with a
vengeance. I had supposed there wasn't
drop of even adhesive glne in the
wretched thing; but a3 it tilted over the
table, ami parchments and carpet I con
cluded that there were quarts and quarts
of the freest flowing ink in it, and the
young man being intently occupied with
his boot tois, 1 grasped Serena s arm
and beat an ignominious retreat. Down
the stairs we fled wildly, and after plac
ing several blocks between us and the
scene of our mishaps, I glanced at
Serena. "Well?" she queried doubt
ingly. "Try again," I answered cheer-
ully, and we accordingly turned our
steps to the office of Judge Thusandso.
After some parleying with the "scout"
who insisted that our business must be
transmitted through his hands, while we
indignantly scouted the idea, we were
admitted to the inner sanctum.
After stating our business we waved
by the gallant judge, to a table where
stood the usual array of vicious looking
pens and pale horrible ink.
"You try first, whispered Serena get
ting behind me, and I anxious to redeem
my reputation,' tried. I dipped the
alleged pen into the alleged ink and en
deavored to frame in bold masculine
characters tho name appended to this
article but the pen scrawled in a blind
indistinct sort of fashion. I flattened
the point on my thumb nail, I bit
savagely, I turned it on this side and
the other, and desperately sterring the
ink, I corralled a drop and triumphantly
began to trace my patronymic. Alas!
before I had formed three letters down
came a dreadful bloc irom Rome unex
plored region of that awful pen and I
laid it down in sad, sorrowful silence.
Serena came forward and with flushed
ace and trembling fingers wrestled a
few moments with the monster.
Her attempt appeared to be more suc
cessful and we turned to wait the de
cision of the learned judge who had
been patiently watching our efforts.
Vith infinite sadness and gentleness the
udge remarked, "Ah yes, very good.
very good, but unfortunately we are not
in need of war-maps or chromatio scales,
specimens or handwriting is what we de
sire just at present, good morning."
This was the last straw and we turned
away. j
It's an abominable shame, I said hotly,
as we discussed matters over our cosy
unch an hour later. Men just conspire
to keep women down and depress them.
Now, Laura, you know you can write your
name well, if you only have anything
to write with and I can write well
enough myself, not beautifully of course,
but plainly and legibly, as that lawyer
put it well, what did I do to-day? and
not to-day alone, but every time I at
tempt any of the odious business. I
once signed my name in a bank register.
I had deposited three dollars in the con
cern, and I have no donbt that the direc
tors would have given thirty-three dol
lars for the privilege of erasing that
fiendish scrawl from their fair pages. I
once superscribed a legal document, and
tho face of the attorney, familiar as he
was with the most harrowing details of
crime, grew white with horrified amaze
ment as he gazed upon that superscrip
tion.. I onoe entered my name upon the
list of the circulating library the
librarian would . secure my undying
friendship, if he'd have that awful scrawl
erased from that literary autograph
album. Even the expressmen and dis
patch boys enter the list against me
"Dispatch mum, very important, sign
right here, mum" and I am handed a
stub of a lead-pencil worn down to solid
wood. "Not there, mum, upper line,
mum," and in desperation I scrawl here,
there, anywhere, while the irrate messen
ger glowers at me with, "sign the time
mum." How can I sign the time accord
ing to their manual " I don't know wha
"6:50" m.aDS and I don't want to know
and as for confining myself to a single
line with that pencil stub, the thing is
simply impossible, and nowi those ex
press men and dispatch boys needn't
point to a line with that stub of a penoil
and tell me to "sign there." I can t and
I won't; if they want me to keep on one
line let them sharpen their pencils, or
1 11 write into Mrs. Smith a. Brown's or
Jones' line without oompunction. It s a
shame to treat us so. we could write well
enough if we had anything to write with.
And .Laura, serenely sipping her choco
late murmurs "never mind dear, better
luck next time, I'll go back to the young
idea or business, and you tell them about
it in the papers, and perhaps they'll re-
j i . - , i .
new toe ins ana pens ana suarpen the
pencils once in a lifetime and if they do
this shall not have Buffered in vain.
Oh serene Serena! calm as Bummer
moonlight how I envy you your beauti
ful, wondrous sustaining philosophy
how I fret and fume and gash myself
over the thorns which beset my path.
while your fair feet scarcely crumple the
rosoleaves which your sw eetness scatters
everywhere. Sip your chooolate and
crunch your bonbons, sweet one; but my
heart is a heart of flamo and fire, and
never, never will I forget that awful mo
ment when I upset the
J udge Judgehimhard's
table and velvet carpet.
inkstand over
green baize
Circus-Struck
itruck ttirlsi
y amusing experic
"Jiver have anv
riences
from circus -struck girls?r
asked a re-
porter of a circus man. !
"Lots of them, and some of them very
funny. I remember one season I was in
a small Indiana town waiting for my cir
cus to come. I was waiti ag in the bar
room of the hotel reading, when the land
lord came up to me and said that there
was a lady in the parlor that wanted to
see me. I went to the rolom i and found
there a lady apparently about forty -five
years of age. In all my experiences I
do not think I have ever seen a thinner
woman in my life. Honostly, I do not
think she weighed more than sixty
Eounds. When I entered the room she
egan bowing and smirking! in a ludi
crous manner, and it required considera
ble will power to keep a straight face.
She inquired if I was I he circus man
ager, and being answered in the affirma
tive, she got right down t5 business and
said she wanted an engagement. Of
oourse I asked her the usual questions of
experience, and, as I expected, found
that she had none, but was confident in
her undoubted ability tc make a great
sensation as an eq lestrienne. I
told her to call again the day that the
circus was here, and he would give her
a trial. As soon as the tc it was up I had
one of the men place the 'mechanic' in
position. The 'mechanic,' you kuow, is
a machine used on learne :s to keep them
from falling. Well, I let several of the
performers into the secre ;, and secured
Miss Stoke 's riding dress, one of those
short balloon affairs, you know, and with
the aid of one of the cqneert girls, got
the old lady all arrayed, and 1 can tell
you she was a sight. But she had great
nerve and considerable good luck, for
she went around on the horse's back two
or three times without losing her balance.
The horse was whipped up a 'little faster
and that made her dizzy, jand away she
went, but the 'mechanic-' kept her from
hurting herself. In fifteen minutes she
begged to be let down and that ended all
the ambition to be a circus rider. I sub
sequently learned that she was worth in
her own name over $50,0p0, and that her
family was one of the oldest in the state.
Real Inventor of the
Steamboat.
A statue of Robert Fulton has been
erected in the National Hal To f Statuary
in the capitol,to represent Pennsylvania.
It was placed in its position yesterday.
Robert Fulton is generally credited with
being the inventor of the steamboat; and
by many persons he'is also! supposed to
have been a native of New York. Both
of these notions are erroneous. He was
not the inventor of the steamboat, and he
was a native of Pennsylvania. The in
ventor of the steamboat was John Fitch.
This man, a native of that part of
old Windsor that is on the east side of
the Connecticut river anil is now includ
ed in the newer township of South
Windsor, conceived the idea f a steam
boat while living in Philadelphia in
1874, 23 years before Fulton started his
boat Fitch went ahead with his idea, peti
tioned Congress in 1785 for aid to build
his vessel, and submitted his model to
the American Philosophical Society of
Philadelphia. He received some assist
ance from individuals, went ahead, built
a boat, the Perseverance, and had it in
actual operation on the IDeleware on the
1st of May, 1787. Hial engine was the
first double-acting condensing engine,
transmitted power by means of cranks,
ever constructed. Thej boat made sev
eral trips, up and down the river; but,
owing to the difficulty in i keeping the
piston tight against the comparatively
rough interior surface jf the cylinder,
the rate was slow only three miles per
hour. Fitch then improved it, so n that,
in 1788, it made eight miles an hour. It
was then put into regular used on the
Delaware. Fulton saw it,' and in later
years saw Fitch's model! io Paris, where
the inventor took it in the vain hope of
getting French artisans to build a steam
er. Fulton, who unlike) Fitch, had the
important aid of wealthy friends, failed
in the invention of a submarine torpedo
boat. Then he undertook, some seven
teen years after Fitch's triumphant dem
onstation on the Deleware, to make a
steamboat to ply on the Seine, at Paris;
but it proved a total failure. He then
went to England and Scotland, and
studied up the mechanism I of a steam
canal tow boat, whioh, built on a wrong
principal, was trying tc do :work on the
Clyde. Having the means, he bought a
powerful engine, of Watt's invention, in
England, in 180G, and sent it to the
United States, where ih 1807, he got it at
work in the Clermont. This boat made
five miles up stream1 not equal to
Fitch's boat on the Pelaware, twenty
years before. But Fitch was poor and
destined always to bitter trials and dis
appointments. Fulton had powerful
friends, and obtained unjustly the
credit of being - the inventor of the
steamboat. Fitch died in disappoint
ment and obscrurity, by an overdose of
opium; Fulton goes into the hall of stat
uary in the capitol. But history will
yet right this matter and do justice to
John Fitch. Hartford Daily Times.
Bodies Made Hard as Stone.
Every corpse that is taken to the Paris
morgue is now quickly converted into a
block almost as hard as stone. This
result is ' obtained by Carre's chemical
refrigerator, which is capable of reduc
ing the temperature of the gruesome
conservatory where each body is laid
out on something resembling, a camp
bedstead, in stone, 15 degrees below
centigrade. At the back of this salle is
a row of - stove-like compartments in
which the corpses are boxed up and fro
zen hard before being exposed to public
view. As an illustration of the intense
cold thus artificially secured, a Paris
journalist, in describing a recent visit to
the morgue, says that in opening one of
the attendants took tho precautions to
wear a glove least his hand should be
burned by contact with cold iron.
The corpse which was taken out of the
receptacle had been there nine hours.
The doe tor who accompanied the visitor
strucK the dead man on the breast with
a stick and the sound was just as if he
had struck a stone. "C'est effrayant!"
adds this descriptive writer. "My
guide informed me," he continued, "that
corpses frozen at this temperature will
stand erect on their feet, and should they
fall down they do not sustain the slight
est scratch. But the nose is like that of
marble chimney pieoe crashing down
on the floor." During the experiments
which preceded the adoption of the
new system corpses in this frozen state
were actually thrown about; although
they made "un fracas . terrible," they
were not in the least damaged. No won
der that the morgue has become more
than ever attractive as oue of the
'sights of Paris," and that municipality
contemplate the erection of a larger
building for the accommodation of its
unclaimed dead. St. James Gazette.
Oatf.
To secure a good crop of oats, we have
always made it a point to sow early, and
to this fact principally we owe our suc
cess with this grain. Just as soon as the
soil can possibly be put under the plow,
we have the ground thoroughly broken
up, when the oats are sown, broadcast,
on the plowed ground, and the wnoie
piece then well harrowed, both ways of
the field. If the piece is harrowed be-
ore sowing the oats, it makes it so level,
usually, that no after harrowing will
cover the grain properly, a large quan
tity of it being left exposed, affording
ood for fowls and birds, or else wasting.
And as to fertilizers, we prefer broad
casting, with the oats (before harrow
ing) , if stable manure is applied, or after
the first harrowing and before- the
second, if the ordinary commercial fer
tilizer is used. Just here we will remark
that no kind of grain (excepting corn,
whioh is cultivated.) should be sown be-
t xreen fruit trees, and especially amongst
youag ones, for we have seen splendid
young and promising fruit orchards
completely ruined by sowing only one
crop of wheat, rye or oats between the
trees. Better let the orchard "go to
grass" for a year though that is not
good policy, by any means than to try
to economize in that way. Western
Plowman.
A Sharp Woman.
A woman dropped into a commission
house on Wood bridge street to pur
chase a barrel of apples for family use,
but did not mean to be bitten in the pur
chase. "Are all the best ones on top?" she
cautiously asked.
"Oh, no; the contents are alike all the
way through."
"Will you knock the head out of the
other end?"
"Certainly madame," and in two min
utes the feat was accomplished, and she
saw the same grade of choice apples.
This satisfied her that there was no de
ception, and she paid over the money.
It was not until she related the circum
stance at the dinner table that anything
happened to raise a doubt in her mind.
Then her husband said:
"My dear, I used to boy and pack and
ship apples. The rule is a peck of nice
nes at either end of the parrel and a
bushel and a half of worm holes in the
middle. Pass the butter." Detroit Free
Press.
Sensitire Feelings.
"The next time I meet you," ex
claimed an angry man to a passer-by,
"I'll whale yoa till you can't stand up."
"What's the matter?" asked un ac
quaintance. "You see, I owe the devilish fellow,
and he persists in meeting me."
"Does he insultingly remind you of
your obligation by speaking of it in the
presence of others?"
"No, he never says anything."
"Then what right have you to com
plain?" "Well, he knows devilish well that it
is embarrassing for me to meet him, that
it makes me feel bad, bnt when he sees
me coming he doesn t get out of my
way. Why doesn't he leave town until
I pay him?" Little Rock Gazette.
Gossip About Singers. Marie Rose
is the only singer of distinction who
isn't afraid of catching oold. Nilason
treats her throat as she would a sick
baby; Kellogg was afraid to venture out
of doors twenty -four hours before she
sang; Hauk goes to bed and remains
there in oomplete silence six hours be
fore she appears in concert; Abbott has
the door and-windows of her room hung
with bed blankets lest a draft strike her
precious person ; Gerster wears a heavy
shawl while walking the hall of her
hotel but Marie Rose is as careless of
exposure as a child. She sits in drafts,
takes long walks, drives through all sort
of weather, and literally defies siokness
and the elements.
. Cincinnati is as far from being the
Paris of America as a pigsty is from be
ing a Paradise, but it can get more noise
out of a brass band than any other city
in the world.
One iquar (10 linen) lint Incrtioni Ti 00
Each subsequent losextion..-- l 00
ALL SORTS. -
The electric incandescent pocketbook
is the latest; it is always light.
The only rod this country has in piokla
is in the hands of the star route jury.
A young woman whose lover is a tele
graph operator calls him her electric
spark. .-
"As free as water" is an old saying
which does not hold good in this oity.
Ice, however, is freeze water.
For rank la good and told If fair,
nd hign and low mt lit.
But Iot naa nTer kuown a Uv
Beyond ber owui arect will.
A short hand reporter in New York has
invented a new trestle for the accommo
dation of Mr.JSwta' suspension .;. sen
tences. -
At London dinners it has ceased to be
fashionable to rise to any toast except
the queen, and she is always drunk -standing.
The Khedive of Egypt must be the
proprietor of somo paper, or else he owns
some stock in one. His income is $735,
000 a year.
A southern man who, during the
height of the craze, named his son "Pin
afore," hopes he'll die before he gets big'
enough to like him.
A fine language: "Procrastinate ees
to put off, eh? Tres blent The man who
is drunk you procrastinate from the can,
Ver seemple, ver' fine language."
"Charles, dear," she murmured as she
strolled along the other evening and
gazed up at the bejeweled firmament,
"which is Venus and which is Adonis?"
Said Brown: "Smith won't haye so
soft a job as he has had." "I don't
know," replied Robinson; "hell have a
soft thing as long as he doesn't lose his
head."
The latest novelty among society dam
sels in" New York is "complexion dogs." .
No girl will now appear on the street
with a dog that does not match her com
plexion. This explains why yellow dogs
are so fashionable.
"What county do you represent, fcir?"
asked one individual of another in front
of a saloon in St. Paul, Minn., one day
last wees:,
legislature,'
"I'm not a member of the
was the reply; "I'm only a
private citizen on a drunk.'
A woman in Nanticoke compelled her
husband to go out in the middle of the
night and spade the garden. It is at this
time of the year that nightmare in inte
rior towns takes the form of a kitchen
garden and a rusty spade.
The dirtiest man that you will encoun
ter is the one that leaves a box of soap at
your house for a few days. "Is it real
good?" asked a lady of one of these soap
venders; and then, looking at him, aha
added, reflectively, "But of course you
wouldn't know anything about it."
An interview is a modern invention
good n at u redly adopted by newpspers to'
enable public men to put their ideas be
fore the people without assuming the re
sponsibility for them, and in a form to
be repudiated as the inaccurate work of
the reporter in case, the views do not
"take."
Fiict dude, with an embarrassed smile:
'Say, Augustus, I really believe I've
broken a corset lacing. Have you an
extr one with you?" Second dude, with
an expresaioa of horror: "Roally! why,
Algernon, where could you fix it if you
had one? The gyurls are all looking at
us, you know."
One of the leading papers of Toronto
claims with a great deal xf ingenuity
that the team of lacrosse players that
will visit England during the coming
summer will serve to advertise Canada
tkS a home for emigrants and a field for
capital. It is sincerely hoped that the
boat club that went to England last year
and the American horses now on the
English turf will not be taken as an ad
vertisement of this country" to any ex
tent. There are somo things that Amer
icans will not endure.
I
A HCMCKICAL COCET.HIF.
2 lorert aat beneath tne ahadr.
And 1 na'2 the otaer aid :
"How 14 8 that yon be
Hare smiled npon tbla salt of mine :
If ft a Heart, it pupe you
Toy voice is muS melody
'Tia 7 to by thy loved 1, 2
Pay, Oy nymph, will inairy raT'
Ttoen llaped she Bolt. " tfhy. 131y."
PERSONAL.
Sarah Bernhardt has been getting her
life insured in favor of her son Ma-arioa.
None of Queen Victoria's children are
allowed to see her without special per
mission. Princess Louise pieces out her hus
band's income of $50,000 with an income
of $33,000 of her own.
The marquis of Lome is nearly thirty
eight years old, and Princess Louise is
just over thirty-five.
Alexander Mitchell has, it is stid, in
his house in Milwaukee probably the
finest library in the west.
Lord Landsdowne has been requested
to accept the presidency of the Royal
Geographical society of London.
The real name of .Louise Miohel, the
French anarchist woman, is said to be
Mme. Tinayre, and she has two sons.
Marie Rose was entertained at break
fast recently by Mr. and Mrs. Gladstone
at the premier a official residence.
Jefferson Davis is growing oranges on
his Mississippi plantation, and believes
the oonditions there more favorably than
in Florida.
Henry D. MoDaniel, who was elected
governor of Georgia recently, is worth
about $50,000 and has a practice as a
lawyer worth from $3000 to $4000 a year.
The world is soon to see the flrit col
ored tragedienne Henrietta Vintc a Da
vis of Washington who is said to pos
sess special talent for the stage. She is
very fine looking, a mulatto, and has a
good voice.
Mrs. Mary J. Stover, Andrew John
son's daughter, who died recently, left
two daughters, Mrs. Maloney and Mrs
Bachman, and son. There is now but
one child of the late president living
Mrs. Patterson.
The young marquis of Conyrtam.
who is one of the greatest landowt ars in
Ireland, received a rapturous . reception
on bringing his bride to Slano 0atlo
his prinoely home in Meath, last irionth.
His wife is an Irishwoman.
f