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About The Columbian. (St. Helens, Columbia County, Or.) 1880-1886 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 17, 1882)
:""'J V 11 1 JJL 2J 2 I ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, NOVEMBER 17, 1SS2, VOL. III. NO. 15. CO II. T II I 1 a' I I K X Y ,S V i) A II I I V II II iJ II I Y V I I r V ZA r i 'S OLD MJISANCE." Mind, I quote those three words. They are none of mine. Ouly, thinking over three or four equally appropriate titles, I chose this one as being the oddest, and I always had a fancy for odd things. And now for my story. Oa what my aunt (by marri ige) and her family founded their claims to aris tocracy I could never discover. My un cle had been a merchant, it is true, and one of considerable "prominence in his day1, I have been told, and solial been hU father before him, and his father's father before that. That his business in ts most prosperous time was intimately connected with China is impressed upon my Blind (I became an inmate of his house when I was about six years old, iu consequence of the death of both my parents within a weeK of each other, leaving me with no means of support and no other relative) , by the fact that every tirst of June saw bright new mat tings laid on our floors, to remain there until cold weather came pgain, and. that our mautels and whatnots were decorated with man' pretty, d linty little porcelain cups, thin as egg-shells rarities in those days, but iu tin.se plenty and cheap enough. Now, according to all I have learned on the subject, real 1 &miun pure aris tocrats look down on tra.de, even if on the grandest scale, and never havo any thing to do with it further than cnee in a while marrying one ot its sons or daughters who have come into possession of millions enough to offset the honor. However, our family (I venture to in clude myself, none of my cousins being within hearing) assumed all the airs of the blue bloods of the old country. Eleanor, our second, wjrea look of deep indignation for several days after a manly, clever, good looking fellow, the brother of one of her old schoolmates, with a comfortable income, but who was junior partner of a lirm keeping a retail store on Sixth avenue, proposed for her hand. "The presumption of the man!" she exclaimed, raising her arched eyebrows in astonishment, and curling her full red upper lip in scorn, "to imagine for a mo ment that because I honored him with my company to the opera two or three times, I would marry him! If his busi ness had been wholesale, it would have been bad enough; but fancy a per son who sells pins and needles by the paper, and lace by the yard! Never! I would die tirst." Micerva, fourth, was equally horror stricken at the effrontery of a young book-keeper whom her brother Lawrence had introduced into the family circle a rare thing for one of her brothers to do, for, like all other men, as far as my lim ited experience goes, they scarcely ever thought their companions good enough to be the companions of their sisters when he ventured to express his admira tion for her. The young man soon after succeeded to a very handsome property, anfl became a great swell "a perfect too-too," as I believe the fashionable way of expressing it now is a kind of being after Minerva's own heart; but th n she was never invited to ride, behind his fast horse, and what was much worse, never again a.' ked to take the head of his table". And in like manner, the graceful and enthusiastic professor of music, the sont, good-natured proprietor of the ex tensive iron works ("wholesale and re tail") on the next block, the young artist, who has since risen to wealth and fame, and sundry others, all falling short of the aristocratic standard set up by our family, were snubbed by my lady cous ins, aided by their brothers, and not wholly unassisted by their mother. I never had had at the time this story comnienced-being then in n.yeighteenth year a chance to snub any one; for, lacking. the personal attractions of my relatives; as well as their high-toned na tures truth to tell, having decidedly democratic tendencies I was kept in the back ground on all occasions. Let it be remarked in passing that Eleanor eventually married, when quite an old girl, a widower in the milk busi ness very wholesale, however, and the father of four children. At the same time Minerva, a few years younger, deigned to become the wife of and eld erly bachelor, something or other in the shoe manufactory. But they held their heads as high as ever, and declared that they had sacrificed themselves for the family, uncle having failed for the second time through no fault of his o.vn, dear old man a few months be fore the double wedding. That their "sacrifice" was for the good of the family I don't deuj'j but there was left at home after their departure - three old maids, a young one, and two helpless young men, whof having been brought up to do nothing, did it to per fection. After the failure, uncle got a situation as superintendent of one the many de partments in the large establishment of the gentleman who sold "pins and needles by the paper, and lace by the yard" (ho was now at the head of the firm, an 1 had a pretty like wife and two pretty children), and we dismissed one of our servants, and were obliged to move into a smaller house. But, in spite of all our efforts at econ omy, our income proved vastly inade quate to our expenses, and this was the cause of so muck bewailing and bemoan r ing that our house seemed bereft of all gladness and sunshine. And ono even ing, after Ethel, our youngest daughter, had burst into tears because Aunt had declared it would be impossible to havo ice-cream, wine jellies, and similar dain ties every day for dessert for the suffi cient reason that we could not afford them, I ventured to suggest to the weep ing damsel that if she found life posi tively unbearable without the above J mentioned luxuries ( all the Egberts, by the way, were extravagantly fond of good things to oat) she might crochet some of the worsted articles she was in the habit of making so artisically for herself, and sell them to Mr. Lee uncle's employer, I was about to siy, when I was interrupted by a shrill shriek , "Work for a store!" she cried, "I would f-tarvo tirst." "You wretched girl, how could you think of such a thing!"' added my aunt. "Ethel, my darling, calm yourself." "It is not enough that strangers should presume upon our poverty," joined in Cleanthe. also frowning upon me. "but one bound to us by the ties of blood, though it must be confessed raoro alien than manv a stranger would be. must advance ideas that shock and wound us Imagine" turning to her brother, llo- land. who lav on the only lounge in the ro m, complacently regarding himself in the the mirror on the opposite wall "that impertinent Mrs. Bradshaw coming here this morning, with the air of doing a kindness, to offer me a position as 'Great heavens!' exclaimed Rol ind springing to his leet and the caue must be a mighty one that brings Itolan.i to his feet. "One of my sisters a teacher! Good heavens!" and he went stamping around the room in the new suit of clothes aunt had paid for hy parting with tier handsome pearl ring. "Whatever is done, we can do noth ing," sobbed Ethel. "Of canrso not," replied Roland, grandly; "the women of our family never work." I thought so myself, ; "Nor the men either, except poor old; uncle, who is fagging at a desk from morning until night." "But our income mist be increased," said Alethea, looking up from her novel, and joining in the conversation for the first time. Alethea was our eldest, and still wore her hair in the, fashion of her youth, a loose curl dangled over each cheek-bone, being fully persuaded that no other fashion was half so becoming or graceful. j "Discharge the chamber Maid," pro posed Ethel, "und let Dorothea (I am Dorothea) do her work, j It is about all she is lit for. She never had a bit of tine feeling or style about her." "No. she never had; she always Would bite her bread," sighed my aunt, "and she has seemed sadly out of place among my children. She comes of a working race, and her ideas and tastes smack of trade, trade, trade." Idisjovered iu after years that my aunt's grandmother on the maternal side made a fortune out of tobacco. "But discharging the chambermaid won't help verv much," said Alethea. "It will not,"" agreed Roland. "What is saved thereby will no more than find me in the little extras no society man can do without." ! "Dear! dear!" aunt took up th" bur den again, "could I have foreseen that your father would have come down in this way, I never would have married him. i really don't know what is to be done, unless we emigrate to jsoine conn try place where we are unknown, and where it don't matter how or in what style we live." j I "The country! screamed her children iu chorus. "Better die at once: I can't imagine where I got the cour age to do so after my late sharp rebuffs, but at this moment I bturted out some thing that had been in my mind for sev eral weeks. "Why could not Alethea and Ethel room together, and Alethea's room, which is the pleasantest in the house, be let to a lodger? one who would " But here I paused abruptly. Alethea had fainted iu the arms of my aunt, who, glanciug at me over the top of her eldest daughter's head, commanded me in her deepest tone (aunt had rather a bass voice) to leave th room immediately. But in a short time. during which things had been getting worse and worse, and .we had been reduced to rice pud dings for desert on weekdays and apple tarts on Sundays, I was allowed to pre pare an advertisement for the morning paper in which was offered to "an elderly gentleman, who must have excellent references, a fine room in the house of a family of refinement, who had never be fore taken a lodger; for the privilege of occupying which he would be expected to pay a liberal equivalent." I disapproved highly of the wording of this call for help, but my aunt and eoupitjs insisted upon its being couched in the-e verv terms, and so 1 was com pelled to jield, inwardly convinced th.it it would bring no reply. But it did. The very afternoon of the morning it appeared in the paper, a carriage with a trunk strapped on behind drove up to our door. An old gentleman got out, hobbled up our steps, and rang our door bell. "You must see him, Dorothea," said my aunt, leaving the parlor, followed by a train of her children. "It is your affair altogether. I will have nothing to do with it." "We none of us will havo anything to do with it," chimed in my cousins. "We were not born with the souls of boarding house keepers;" and away they sailed as I opened the door to the second- a little louder than the first -ring of tho caller. He was a short, slightly formed old gentleman, with big bright black eyes, bushy eyebrows, and a long white mous tache and beard. "You have a room to let?" he asked. "I have," I answered, ushering him into the parlor, where he glanced keenly around, and then as keenly into my face, while he announced in a decisive tone: "I have come to take it. My luggage is at the door. Be h' kind as to tell me where to direct the man to carry it." "But " I began in a hesitating way, utterly confused by the stranger's brusque, not to say high-toned manner. " 'But me no buts,' " quoted the old gentleman. "I am Amos Griffin, lately from England, where I havo been living for the last twenty jears. Since I landei in New York a month ago to day, I have been boaidiug at the St. Nicholas. But where is your mother?" I hastened to assure mm that 1 was empowered to negotiate with him. "Ah, indeed! Well, then, 1 11 go on, though it appears to me you are rather young for the business, .xou 'have never taken a lodger before.' I am glad of it, for reasons which it i$ not neces sarv to explain. You want a 'liberal equivalent for your nne room; I am pre pared to cive it. lliat leaves only one thing to be arranged. I should like my breakfast at eight precisely every morn ing." "But we did not propose to give breakfast. "1 know you didn t; out I Ji givo you anothtr 'liberal equivalent for it. You can't be verv well off, or you wouldn't taKe a lodger; and tho more liberal eouivaleiitri vou cau get from him the better. Will you be kind enough to show me to n.y room?" "Yes, sir," I replied meekly, com pletely succumbing to tho big black eyes and strong will power of the frail lookiug old man, and totally forgetting to a?k for the "references insisted upon in the advertisement. Whereupon he stepped to the front door and beckoned to the man outside, who, taking the trunk upon his back, followed him, as ho followed mo, to the second story front room. "Ah," said our lodger, as he entered it, "this is not bad - not at all bad." And it wasn't. As I have said before, it was the pleasantest room in the house, and I had arranged it as prettily as I could with the means at my command. Fortunately this included a number of i nice engravings ana vases, aua a capaci ous bamboo chair with a crimson cush ion, and a footstool of like color. And tho fragrance of honeysuckles that stole in at the window from tho bilcony, and the two or three sunbeams that had found their way through the half-closed blinds, and danced in triumph on the wall, and a half-dozen gayly bound books (mine) on the mantel, and the ivy growing lrom a reu pot on the oracKet in the corner, all combined to mike tho room a pleasant place indeed. Mr. Uiiiliu had been our lodger ex actly two years, during which I had pre pared and superintended the serving of his breakfasts, and taken the entire charge of his room "as well as if I had been brought up to that sort of ihing," I as my cousin uieanthe remarKea; and the rest of the family, with the exception of uncle, who became quiie friendly witk him, had only met him some dozen times at which times they assumed their most ditrnified dignity when he was suddenly taken sick. ' "It 3 an old complaint thut will eariy- me off' sometime," he said to me, "but I iopo not this time. Anvhow, Little Houestv." (a name he had given me from the first I hope I deserved it! live or me, x imenu 10 remain nere Nowhere else could I be as comfortable You must engage an extra servant, an you and she together must nurse me I should certainly die with a profes sional. By-the-by, who is your family phvsician' I told him. "If I am not better, send for him to morrow. I am going out only a few steps," meeting my look of surprise. "I waut to see my lawyer, and I sha'nt take to my bed for several days yet. ihat alternoon, tamug care not to re peat the old gentleman's exact words, but putting his remarks irt the form of a request to be allowed to remain, I stated the case to the family. "Going to be ill?" exclaimed Alethea. "Dear me! how disagreeable!" "I'm sure I don't want him to stay he might die here," said my aunt, who had the utmost horror of death. "He's an old nuisance, however," pro claimed Ethel, "and always has been, and I blush that any relative of mine should degrade herself so far as to be come his servant' maid." Here 1 will mentien that my cousin Roland, a few weeks before this, had married a young lady with a large for tune, and out of this fortune he gener ously proposed to make a liberal yearly allowance, beside which came many gifts from the married sisters, whose husbands had prospered, and thereupon had been obliged by their wives to share their prosperity with us, that we might live at least, as Minerva expressed it "with elegant economy." Aud so we were not entirely dependent upon our lodger for desserts and several other things. But to go back. 4Ho is not an old nuisance," said I, indignantly, "fie is a kind-hearted old man, and 1 am very fond of him." '(food gracious!" "Yes Miss Ethel," I went on, "I re peat it, I am very fond of hiui, and if my aunt will allow me I am sure my uncle will I will take all the extra care resulting from his sickness upon myself, and no one else shall beannoyel in tho least. After living beneath our roof for two years and contributing so bounti fully to our comforts you needn't glare at me, Cleanthe, he has, for I am quite certain no one elsewould have paid us so liberally -it would be tho greatest in gratitude, not to say cruelty, to send him among straugers now that he most needs oare and kindness." "Are you quite through, Mis Rey nolds!" asked my aunt, sarcastically. "I had no idea yon were so eloquent, never having heard you preach before. But on one thing I am determined you shall not call in our doctor to your pa tient. Ho is a perfect aristocrat and has no idea that we keep a lodger, and 1 do not wish him to know it." JLhere s a young saw-bones a few doors below, drawled my youngest gen tleman cousin, who resented my wait ing upon any one but himself; "'he'll do for your fine old nuisance." . liiut wry eveuintf iur. ijrrimn uaci a bad turn, and I sent for the "young saw bones a few doors below," in great haste. He proved to bo a Dr. Rice, a frank looking, brown-haired, gray-eyed, broad browed young man, with gentle voice and quick light step. And the old gen tleman, taking a great fancy to him, de cided on retaining him a decision that relieved me greatly, beariug in mind as I did my aunt's oramaml in regard to our family physician. "And from that time for three months, although very seldom confined to his bed, our lodger ucver had a well day. At the end of the three months, how ever, he began to mend Hlowly, and at the end of two more he was on his feet again. And then he told me ho had made up his mind to return again to Engl und. "I am sorry, very sorry, to part with you," I replied, "but I suppose it is right that you should go." "Well said, Little Honesty. And now let's begin to pack," said he. Dr. Kice and I went with the old gen tleman to tho steamer that was to carry him away, and waved a last farewell to him iu the midst of a crowd also wav ing last farewells from the pier, as tho vessel slowly moved out into the stream; and then we returned to our respective homes to read tho respective letters he had placed in our respective hands with his final good -by. Mine 1 read in the privacy of nw own room at first; and when Iliad partially recovered from my astonishment and de light, I fiew down stairs, called the fara ily together, and read it to them. It was as follows: "Deah Littlf. Honksty: Had I died which I didn't, thanks under God to you and Dr. Bice I should havo left each of my clear young friends ten thou sand dollars in my will. But having lived, I am going to do a much plea- santer thing I am going to give them the'' ten thousand at onca. My lawyer will see vou to-morrow. Amos Griffin. "P. S. I have also left a slight be- lnest to Miss Ethel Egbert. She will find it on the lower shelf of tho closet in the room I occupied when I was her couun JJorothea s lodger. Ethel for once forgot her graceful, gliding step. She started hastily for the stairs, but her younger brother was be fore her, and she was fain to start back as he slid down the baluster, anil lauded in our midst with something in his arms. It was a large framed photograph of Amos Griffin; with a card attached bear ing these words: "An excellent picture of 'An Old Nuisance.'" I married Dr. Rice. V An Art'SlI; Yonng Lady's Roam. People furnish their rooms now ac cording to their caprices. The persouul comes out. The rich literary young lady fits up her room with furniture of an antique pattern, with bookcases in dark wood or oak, with a tiled fireplace and brass andirons, a Venetian mirror, and deep, luxurious rugs. She has rure engravings and a Sevres writing table. "Simple, but choice," ono says on en tering. If she is a fashionable belle, her room will be festooned with pink or . blue silk, covered with lace, or tufted satin let into tho walls. Long mirrors well bound and the furniture will be of ormolu. The spirit of Pompadour breathes from the interior; it is all roses and blue ribbons. The artistic young lady has three im portant caprices a bunch of peacock's feathers, a brass pot full of, cattails and a medieval candlestick. These are the essentials. Japanese fans as a matter of detail; an easel, a few straightbacked chairs, a brown curtain embroidered with sunflowers and a Persian cat. With all the stiffness and the preference for a certain dirty yellow which has become the passion of the followers of Cimabue Brown, these modern esthetes do some times make very pretty rooms. They are quaint and individual, but there is no doubt that the "high artistio craze" has produced some very ugly effects. The severe stiffness of the cattail has entered much into modern embroidery. Every one feels for the stork which has stood so long on one leg. " The lilies lank an 1 wan, Kach storl an 1 suull ;wer spray." all are stiff and dismal. They are the pendants to the "lean disciples of Burne- Jonea." The Postlethwaites and Ban- thornes and their female adorers look like a stork on one leg. The hero of a modern esthetic comedy says, as the highest synonym of despair, " I feel like a room without a dado. It is one of the pleasantest caprices of modern luxury that women havo their bedrooms and boudoirs furnished in col ors which will set oil their favorite dresses, and add. china to match the bedroom. Tho faculty of Purdue College, in In diana, decided that the Greek letter so cieties wielded an evil influence over the students, and accordingly demanded from them a pledge to withdraw from membership, on pain oS dismissal. The boys refused, a test case was made in the court, aud the studeuts upheld on he ground that the faculty had assumed unwarrantable authority. It is said that the faculty will take the case into th United States Supreme Court. A young man in Western Illinois ad vertised for a wife, his sister answered he "ad," and now the young man hinks there is no balm in advertise ments, while the old folks think its pretty hard to have two fools in the family Boston Post. Banker's Daughter. ver chapel is the tomb and marble effigy of that beautiful woman, Philippina j Welser, whose photogranh you see in! all the shop windows of Innspruck.j Her eyes were divine, it is said, dark blue, her hair golden chest nut, and the skiu so transparent that tue reu wine couiu oe seen as it ran down tho lovely throat." In the photo graph her beautiful face rises up, like a lovely flower, out of a Ligh ruff, a su perb jeweled collar, with pendant jewels is bound close about the high- roouuted Deck of the rich dark velvet robe; the hair is parted and rolled back from a high, broad, intelligent forehead that has nothing Ureek about it, but is a clear, goodJ Anglo-Saxon brow; on tho head is a net cap maue oi small gold rosettes, with pearls, and a jeweled bor- uerarouuujr. xue arcil OI tue ueiicate aye -brows is perfect; th eyes have a be mionmg expression mac is both cour ageous and pleading; she had a shapely nose, a lovely mouth and chin, and an expres sion of dignity. rennement. and genueuess; penecc womaniy loveliness 1 ' W I of a woman j who was the most beautiful of her day, and whose romantic history has inspired many a poet and dramatist. She was the 'daughter of a rich Augsburg banker. Ferdinand, nephew of Charles V., fell madlv in love with her. and tbesr were married secretly. She was the mother of two sons, whose portraits you can &ee at Ambras.the charming castle on the Mittlegebarge mountain slopes, a short distance from Innspruck, where Phillippina aud Ferdinand spent their long, happy married life. The eni perpor Ferdinand was naturally very angry at this marriage, but during one of his visits to Innspruck,the lovely woman came with her two young boys and begged him p forgive her. History tolls a pretty, touching story how he had only to look at Philippina to justify his son. When Ferdinand the emperor, died she lost her best and most power ful friend. Her mother-in law was for ever taunting her. So one morning the poor woman) lay down in her bath-tub and drowned herself in order that her dear husband might marry a royal wife. You can see the bath room at Schloss Ambras, but the custode denies th legend I am happy to sy, rfnd I am un willing to believe it. Her husband the Count of Tryol, mourned her loss. Tra dition says he was frantic with grief and built the beautitul Siberne chapel where each lie buried. True, he married again only two years after her death, and his second wife was one of his own rank, the laughter of Duke William, of Mantua; but he never lived again at Schloss Ara bras. Insdruck Correspondence Bos ton Advertiser. Th" Khergy that buccecds. The energy that wins sncces begins to develop vory early in life. The char acteristics of the boy will commonly prove those jof the man, and the best characteristics of young life should be encouraged and educated in the wisast possible manner. The following story strongly illustrates this truth: About thirty years ago, so id Judge P , I stepped into a bookstore" in Cincinnati in: search of some books that I wanted. While there, a little ragged boy of twelve years of age came in and inquired for a geography. "Plentv of Ithem," was tho salesman's reply. i "How much do they cost?" "One dollar, my lad." "I didn't know they were so much." He turned to go out, and even opened Ihe door, but closed it again aud came back. i "could you let me have a geography, and wait a lit money?" le while for the rest of the how eager his little bright eyes looked for dn answer, and how he seemed to shrink within his ragged I clothes, when the man, not very Kiuuiy. told him he could not. The disappointed little fellow looked up at me with a very poor attempt to smile, and left the store. I followed and overtook bim. " And what now?" I asked. " Try another place, sir."" " Shall I g6 too, aud see how you suc ceed?" I " Oh, yes, if you like," he said in sur prise. : Four different stores I entered with him, and each1 time he was refused. " Will you 'try again?' I asked. " Y'es sir; I shall try them all, or I should not know whether I could get one. t We entered the fifth store, and the little fellow walked up manfully and told the gentleman just what he wanted and how much he had. " You want the book very much?" asked the proprietor. "Y'es, -very much." " Why do you waut it so very much?" " To study, !sir. I can't go to school, but I study when I can at home. All the boys have got one, and they will get ahead of me. Besides, my father was a sailor, and I want to learn of the places where ke used, to go.'' "Well, my lad, I will tell you what I will do; I will let you have a new geography, and you may pay me the le mainder of the money when you can, or I will let you have one that is not quite new for fifty cents." "Are the leaves all in it, and j'ust like the other, only not now?" "Yes, just like the new one." "It will do, j'ust as well, then, and I will have eleven cents left towards buy ing some other books. Iam glad they did not let me have one at the other places." 'I Last year I jwent to Europe on one of the finest vessels that ever plowed the A In the Si waters of the Atlantic. We had very beautiful weather until rery near the end of the voyage; then came a terrible storm that would have sunk all on board had it not been for the captain. Every spar was laid low, the rudder was almost useless, and a great leak had shown it Belf, threatening to fill the ship. Tuj crew were all strong, willing men, and the mates were all practical seamen of the first class; but after pumping out for one whole night, an t tho water still gain ing upon them, they gave up in despair and prepared to take the boats, though they might havo known no small boat could live in such a sea. The captain who. had been below with a chart, now came up. He saw how matters stood, and with a voice that I distinctly heard above the roar of the tdm nocf -n-.i Q .,-, i n "T will 1ni t ua iJtir i I Livernnol " id 1,A fit m !. you men. He did moor us safely, but tho vessel sauk moored to the dock. The captain stood on the deck of the sinking vessel. receiving the thanks and blessings of the passengers as they passed down the gang p ank. As I imssftd Iia rrrftinA,1 l.v "Judge do you recognize met ' I told him I was not aware that I ever saw him until I stepped aboard of his vessel. "Do you not remember that bov in Cincinnati?" "Very well, sir; William naverlev." "I am he," he said. "God bless you! And Go Y bless noble Captain Ha verley. A Meeple Climber Hanging In Mld far Above the Cirouud. Air "The longer you live the more you find out," remarked Mr. Joe Weston, the steeple-climber, to a couple of newspaper men lately. "I had an accident lately which taught me something." "What was it?" wa3 the simultaneous inquiry. "It was a curious one. You see I was on . top of St. Paul's spire on Spring street. We had rigged ropes to removo the planks of the scaffolding. The way we do that is to fasten a block to a post or tree on the other side of the street, and another to the steeple, and splice the ends of the rope together to make an endless rope of it. If yon fasten to it anything you want to send below the weight of the load takes it down. I had tied the last plank to the rope, and it was going down. I were a handkerchief tied loosely aronnd my throat. The wind blew out an end of it and it caught on the removing rope and wrapped around it. I was imme diately caught up, first tho handker chief and then my beard passing into tho block. Now, if I i ad an assistant in the street below he would have noticed the plank stop .when I was caught that way, and as he could not see anything wrong above he would have pulled on the rope. Then I should hav been choked to death by my handkerchief and my beard, and part of my face would have been torn off. Persons in the street below would have noticed, perhaps, that I was very quiet, bat they would not have suspected that I was hanging by my neck. "That pull stretched me eighteen inches. As soon as I realized the trouble I reached below, and taking hold of the rope, pulled back on it until my hand kerchief came out the sheave, and. I dropped onto tho hooks below. I could barely touch them with my feet." "Do you mean to say that you had nothing but hooks to stand on?" "Yes, the hooks on the scaffold. You see, we had sent all the planks below. I wis saved by the skin,of my teeth." Cincinnati Enquirer. At Brlghani Young's Grave. They say that Brigham Young's grave is looking as bare and desolate as a boul evard now. At first, while her grief was fresh, the widow used to march out there five abreast, and just naturally deluge the grave with scalding tears, and at that time the green grass grew luxuri antly and the pigweed waved in the soft summer air; but as she learned to control her emotions tho humidity of the atmos phere disappeared and grief's grand irri gation failed to give down. We should learn from this that the man who flatters himself that in marry ing a whole precinct during life he is piling up for the future a large invoice of ungovernable woe is liable to get left. The prophet's tomb looks to day like a deserted buffalo wallow, while his widow has dried her tears aud is trying to make a mash on the Utah commission. Such is life in the far West, and such the fit ting resting place of a red-headed old galvanized prophet who marries a squint-eyed fly-up-the creek, and after wards gets a special revelation requiring him to marry & female mass meeting. Let us be thankful for what wo have instead of yearning for a great wealth of wife. Then the life insurance will not have to be scattered so, and our friend will be spared the humiliating spectacle of a bereft and sorrowing herd of widow, tutued loose by the cold hand of death to monkey o'er our tomb. Bill Nye. It is stated that when a young man in General Robert Toombs' presence ob jected to Milton's "Paradise Lost," that it was obscure, Toombs said with pity; "Milton was blind; he couldn't see to write for fools." Plantation Philosophy Laziness iz de mother of promises. Der man what tries ter bo a boy ain't got half as mnch senRe as de boy what tries to be a man. De man wid eddycation ain't got nigh as mach excuse for tellin a lie as de iguo rant man, 'cose de lamed man b&b got a bigger range of truth.