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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (March 3, 1910)
---- SMITH PAYS as follows for good, fresh p ro duce—he never charges vom - mission: Live Chickens;..................... Drear- d < hickens.. 16c to Live Ducks ....... 16c to Dressed Geese...................... Dressed Turkeys.................. Dressed Hogs..................... Dressed Veal up to 130 ibj Large Veal Less. 15c 17c 18c 15C 25C IOC 11c A I Item Oasser. A PRECOCIOUS DOG. “Gentlemen.” said the president o! the puLUc service corporation. In his address to the stockholders, "It is my duty and pleasure to Inf rn> you that our balance sheet for the year now Closing will show a highly satisfactory | condition of affairs. We have added materially to our assets, and our prof its have been such that we shall he able to declare a very handsome divi dend. In fact, gentlemen,” he added, lowering his vojee, "our prosperity gives me some uneasiness, 1 cannot disgu Ise or conceal from you an appre- hension that J. Pierpont Morgan may have found it out and may be even now preparing to open his jaws ar.d engulf this corporation in his capacious and insatiable maw!” A dense silence ensued, and a thrill of horror ran through the assembly. Well may we ask, "Who is safe these days?"—Chicago Tribune. • Wondrrful Feuta 11» Performed Joseph Jefferson. There is a story that is told of Jo- s-gm Jefferson and the boys that had to do with the training of dogs. It appears that there was a gentleman in New Iberia who owned a very Intelli gent animal, and he was most anxious f®r Mr. Jt-fft-ison to see an example of his prowess. Accordingly he brought him to the island one day and put him through bls various tricks, which were remarkably clever. When the performance was over Mr. Jefferson expressed his appreelaition and wonder at what the dog had done, but added that he had an animal that wus even more remarkable. A b the gentleman seemed to be in some doubt as to the truth of this statement the dog, a dejected, stupid looking beast, was produced, and Mr. Jefferson or dered him to go Into his room and bring him a shoe. Obediently the dog trotted into the house to presently appear witih the shoe in his mouth. Taking it from him, -Mr. Jefferson patted him upon the head and told him to return to his room and bring him the slipper for his left foot. "And, mind you, bring the left one,“ he cautioned as the animal trotted away. When he returned in a moment with the left slipper the gentleman could hardly express his astonishment, but Mr. Jefferson waved the matter indif ferently aside. "It is nothing,’ he said. “However, we will now try something a little more difficult.” Then, turning to the dog, he spoke to him very slowly and carefully. “Now go Into the library," said he, “look upon the bottom shelf on the right hand side of the room and you will see a set of Dickens. Bring me the second volume. Remem ber, now, the second volume; not the first or the third, but the second.” When the dog returned In a few moments w-ith the second volume in his mouth the gentleman retired in the utmost confusion, declaring that in comparison with such a prodigy his own much vaunted animal was little better than an Imbecile. And I may add that Mr. Jefferson enjoyed the joke fully as much as did the boys, who, according to a prear ranged plan, had placed each succes sive article in the prodigy's mouth. As to the prodigy, his one accomplish- ment consisted of trotting into the house and trotting out of it again.— Nevll G. Henshaw in Bohemian. Visitor—What have you in arctic lit erature? Librarian—Cook books and Pearyodlcals.—Brooklyn Life. “I want one of the new spotted face veils, please." “Yes, madam. Specked, Addrrit, ■pattered, or splotched T"—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Wife (reminiscing)—Well, I very Fighting the Beef Trust’ nearly didn't marry you, John. John (absent-mindedly)—I know—but who PORTLAND, OREGON. Mothen will And Mrs. Winilow*, S<x>thlng told you?—The Sketch. Byrup th-- b- st remedy to use tur tlieir cuUdreil “If m'wife's awake. I’ll shay: during ili» teetiiiug period. That IlfMl Uniate Agrut, 'M'dear, brought y’ some c'sath'mums House-hunter Seems to iue this —chrysthmus—chrasythums’—haug it! Maori *io ffriig ?((?«. house isn't very well built, The floor Wish I’d got roses."—Life. Women of tiie Maori tribe of N«w ■hakes when we walk. Borrowell—I have no use for that Zealand are now appearing as features Agent—Uni—y-e-s; that's the new fellow Bjones. Wigwag—Yes, Bjones of the show at tbe Hippodrome in New kind of spring fluor for dancing, you York City and as they are educated is one of those fellows who object to know. and cultivated persons, and have the being used.—Philadelphia Record. Househunter — And these stairs right to full suffrage in their native “What do they mean by an ‘endur ereak terribly. land, they chose three delegates to rep- ance test'?” ■'Two chaps bragging Agent—Y-e-s; we furnish this new resent them at Mrs. Pankhurst’s lec- about their respective makes of auto paint burglar alarm staircase with ture In Carnegie .hall recently. They mobiles."—Springfield Republican. out extra char re I^slle’s Weekly. were Kiri Matao, widow of an old "Well, Tommy, what part of the Maori chief; Waapl, a young political chicken will you have?” "Why, paw, No Chance for no A rgunient, "If you had any life In you. Henry,' leader and a prohibitionist, and Drana, you know I always take the back when who is 21. and cast her vote for the there's company."—St Louis Repub she snapped, "You'd go out there and fire the Conservatives at the la3t election. Eng lic. cook!" lishmen in New Zealand have extend “I’ve just figured out how the Venus "But I haven’t, you see. Flo.” he pla- ed to women all the rights they them cfdly yapped; selves have, and that Mrs. Pankhurst de Milo came to lose her arms.” And he buried himself In a book. and the English suffragettes of all "How?” "She broke them off trying to —Chicago Tribune sorts ask for.—Springfield Republican. button her shirtwaist up the back.”— The Jewish Ledger. Only One “BROMO QUININE" That in LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE. 1 "The audience is calling you," the Mo M l»rcprexentnt Ion. for the signature of E. W. Grove. Used I the 25c World over to Cure a Cold in One Day. Boarder (at summer resort)—Didn’t playwright was informed. "I hear your booklet say there were no mos them," he answered. “Show me the Trouble» of the Ancients, quitoes here? quickest way to get out of here.”— Penelope was bewailing the protract Proprietor—It did. sir, and it told the Birmingham Age-Herald. exact truth. We had the booklet print ed absence of Ubsses. “New-mown hay is a delightful per- "I might as well be the wife of a ed In February, and I am prepared to commercial traveler,” she said, "and prove that there wasn’t a blamed fume; we sell lots of lt.” “Haven't odor? i be done with It!" (slap) mosquito within 500 miles of you something with a gasoline I want people to think I 1 own a .motor Scorning to avail herself of an easy here at that time.—Chicago Tribune. car, not a horse.”—Life. divorce, she plunged deeper than ever PILES CURED IN 6 TO 14 DAVS into the pages of the Ladles' Home Mrs. Newbrlde—Boohoo! Henry PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any case Journal for consolation. One that I i of Itching. Blind. Bleeding or Protruding Piles in threw a biscuit at me. 6 to 14 days or money refunded. 50c. made myself, too! Mother—The mon ster! He might have killed you! — Catalogue for Slot Machine for Suicide. The United Presbyterian. the Asking Washington.—“Drop a penny in the Send for It. slot and get a ticket to the other Hoax—Out in Arizona he Is knowu world” might be the inscription on a as a bad man. Joax—Is that so? Did J. J. B U T Z E R machine that is suggested by Rev. Dr. he ever kill any one? Hoax—Oh, yes. Donald Guthrie, of Baltimore. Dr. Joax—What make of car does ha Portland, Oregon 188 Street Front Guthrie was talking on “Calvinism” at drive?—Philadelphia Record. Visitor—Can you read the past? the closing session of the synod of Some Excellent Rooms Baltimore at the Metropolitan Presby Fortune Teller—Certainly. That’s my Still on Sale for terian Church here. At the close of a business. Visitor—Then I wish you'd BECAUSE HE LOVES HER. CLARK’S CRUISE OF THE ‘‘CLEVELAND’’ plea for a wholesome, enthusiastic in tell me what It was my wife told me 18,000 Tons, Brand New UeaNon Why u Man Marries a Girl !■ and Supeibly Fitted I > terest in life, he said: "Life has be to get for her!—Boston Globe. nail Make« Iler a Slave. come so meaningless and so useless “Do you want employment?” asked A young man not many years ago I to some that 1 advocate the setting up the sympathetic woman. “I dunno wot of a suicide machine where one can dat is, ma’am,” replied the husky hobo, began going to see a girl; he kept her deposit a cent and be killed easily and "but ef it’s ennythlng ter“ eat, youse out on the front porch and hanging on FROM SAN FRANCISCO FFB. 5, 1910 ONE STEAMER for the Entire Cruise respectably.” may gimme a few.”—Chicago Dally the front gate late at night, and finally of nearly four months, costing only $650 and up, he married her. including all necessary expenses. News. ROUTE: Japan, China, Philippines, Borneo, The girl's father Is in good circum Judge—I'll have to fine ye fifty dol Java. Burma, India, < eylon, Egypt, Italy, etc. stances, but the young man is poor, so An unusual chance to visit unusually attractive lars for exceeding the speed limit. for the first time in her life she began Jack Scorcher—Look here, judge, this to know privation and want, the Mem young lady and I want to get married. phis News-Scimitar says. February 5. 1910. by S. S, “Grosser Kurfuerst.” Remit the fine and you get the job.— 73 days, including 24 davs Egypt and Palestine. She cooks for him, cleans, sews, $400 up, including' hotels, shore excursions, etc. Brooklyn Life. mends and slaves for him. RANK C. CLARK limes Bldg. New York Whale—What are you going to tell Why has this man put this woman your wife when you get home? Jonah— in a position where she must experl- I don’t know; I don’t suppose she ence hardships in addition to his Tttt tUT KtOKlMl VCR would believe me if I should tell her tyranny? that I had been to a fish dinner.— It is so pleasant to take—stops the Because he loves her. Out of town people can have their plat« The Bohemian. cough so quickly. Absolutely safe This is the common interpretation and bridgework fin ished in one da; "You don’t know what that’s a pic of love, the sweetest word in the lan too and contains no opiates. »* noce*eary. ture of, Johnny?” said Mrs. Lapsling, guage. We will give you • goo 22k gold or porcelait In a tone of reproof. “You ought to Because he loves her, many a man crown for S3.5C read your ancient history more. That has brought many a woman down to a All Druggist«, 25 cent«. Molar Crowns 5.0C is the temple of Dinah at Emphasis.” hell, which she has loyally striven to 22kBr.d,.T..Ih 3.5C —Chicago Tribune. Gold Filling, 1.0C turn into a heaven. ' Enamel Fillings 1.0C Cynicus—It is Impossible for a wom Woman is so constituted that so Silver Filling* .5C an to keep a secret. Henpeckke—I long as she believes herself loved and Inlay Filling* 2.50 don't know about that; my wife and I appreciated she can forgive anything G00J Rubber Plats* 5.00 were engaged for several weeks before and endure anything and still be HWi 1MK3Ly most lu.-dous Best Red *Nb* voercta!riant tho best ! she said anything to me about IL ” — ber Plat*. _____ 7.50 happy. l JF »pctls. ] erry‘8 Seeds are b st ] ________ _________ __ _ Painless Extr* don > 50 Philadelphia Record. W bocaus they never fail In yield A A wife is the only laborer on earth WORK GUARANTIED FOR IB YEARS r or quality. ’ ’ • g Pein I ret Fit Faction irw» when rlat.wor bridge work "Are you In favor of votes for wom who works for her board and clothes J ers an 1 f’.rmeri every w I i - to is ordered. Consultation Free. You cannot a*t better knew Ferry's soeds to bo tlio painlcM* work done anywhere. All work fully gnnr« en?” “Yes. Perhaps if we can get and is expected to be grateful for the anteod. Modern electric equipment. Fest methods. j • • ‘>L^fur solo them to think more about votes they privilege. everywhere. QJ . 17$ ¿’3 will think less about clothes. I have The husband who doesn’t economize FEMY S 1913 Seed Annua! - X four daughters who are growing up.” on expressions of affection or stint his Frco on request B uilding _ r> norr'AlM 111BD ash . Hi h PORTLAND, OREGON k 0. M. FERRY A —Chicago Record-Herald. wife on praise may do as he will with OrriCK HOU Ba A A. M. te A r. M. Buiday*, • to L OfTIOIT. MICN “Speaking of joy rides, did you ever out friction or argument. So long as he does not sink the lover have a real one?" “No.” "Never go out in a buggy along a shady lane, in the household he need fear no rival. with a plug of a horse and the only He may forget every other rule, but if The Allawlnir Part. girl in the world? Say, you don’t he remembers this all will be well. Landlady—You say tbe chicken Every woman is an Idealist, and she soup isn't good? Why, 1 told the cook know what life it.”—Public Ledger. will break her neck trying to live up A traveler stopped at a hotel in how to make it. Perhaps she didn't catch the idea. Boarder—No; I Greenland, where tbe nights are six to what she thinks a loving husband think It was the chicken she didn’t months long, and, as he registered, expects of her. But even she appreciates a day off asked a question of the clerk. "What catch. time do you have breakfast?”“ From now and then. Sitting alone at night waiting for a half-past March to a quarter to May.” Reporter—Mr. Cummin, have you husband to come home doesn’t thrill a the manuscript of the after-dinner woman with delight a bit more than it speech you delivered at that banquet would a man. last night? Ketchum A. Cummin Table Mountain, (with a gasp)—Did I deliver a speech At Capetown, in South Africa, where there, young man? Whose?—Chicago the traveler usually has the first Tribune. glimpse of the continent, is Table “The starvation experiences of those Mountain, a magnificent natural curi Your doctor will tell you that English suffragettes were trying.” osity which rises behind the city to Means an unfailing water supply. It means that you will have the most practi fresh air and good £>od are "Yes," answered Miss Cayenne; “it's the height of almost 4,000 feet and cal Domestic water su-.-ply system now in hard to be obliged to stop crit has a level top about three square use. No elevated tank, no frozen pipes in the real cures for consumption. pretty winter, no stagnant water in summer, no icizing the public policies of a great miles In area. Its resemblance to a water supply troubles of any sort. Tank But often the cough is very government in order to find fault with huge table Is so marked that the placed in basement, out of sight and way. made of pressed steel, will not rust and hard. Hence, we suggest that Its cooking.”—Washington Star. dense clouds which collect at times will >ast a lifetime. You will be pleased with the LEADER you ask your doctor about around the summit are referred to as Husband — You must marry again, system of furnishing Osme tic Water your taking Ayer’s Cherry dearest, when I am gone, and that will the tablecloth. A pretty little flower Supr’y Ask for our catalogue and free booklet. How I Solved My Water 'apply Pectoral. It controls the tick be very soon. Wife—No. Edward, no which Is found nowhere else on earth Problem.*’ one will marry an old woman like me. grows on top, while on the northern ling, quiets the cough. You ought to have died ten yean, ago aide of its base Is a similarly rare Wo publish our formulae I tree, popularly called the sliver leaf for that—Meggendorfer Blnetter. We banish aleohol from our medicines “Over here,” said the Arab guide, tree. FRANK L SMITH MEAT CO. SEEDS Hood’s [ Her. Sarsaparilla is the World’s Greatest Blood Purifier and Strength-Giver. It builds you up. Accept no sub stitute, but insist on having Hood’s, and get it today. CASTOR IA For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought Silver, Leu<i. $1 <> id. 8ih«<. 7. c, Gobi. 50c: Zin« or Copper. SI. M-aliug envelop«-« and full price lift •»< iu on u licHtion. Conm l H’ d Umpire work BO iiciUxi. Caxi>ouale Mfetiouul BauM. SEND FOR PRICES AND BUY YOUR GROCERIES WHOLESALE Portland Wholesale Grocery Co., Portland. Ora. 264f Taylor St. Nature Tbe Place. He—What Is the latest topic of household Interest, my dear? She—Oh, the fall housecleaning just now is on the carpet.—Baltimore American. BAKING POWDER EXTRACTS V JUST RIGHT CLOSSET a DEVERS ( and I find them perfect. Couldn’t do without them. I have used tlu-ni for seine time for indigestion and biliousness ■nd am now completely cured. Recom mend them to everyone. Once tried, you will never lie without them iu the family."—Edward A. Marx, Albany, N.Y. PORTLAND. ORE. J EXPERT MODERN DENTISTRY At Prices that Defy Competition IEEIH WIIHOUr PLATES A SPECIALTV CUT THIS OUT. mail it with your ail- dress to the Sterling Remedy Company, Chicago. III., and rec iv<* a handsome bou - venir Gold Bon Bon FREE. IF YOU'VE NEVER WORN tcrvtxj * /to learn the bodily comfort it gives in the wettest weather PAINLESS EXTRACTION.................................... 500 SILVER FILLINGS ................................ 50c up GOLD HI.1.INGS .................................... $1.00 Up 22K GOLD CROW N.............................................. $5.00 GOOD RUBBER PLATE.................................... $5.00 THE BESi RUBBER PLATES.................. $8.00 WHALEBONE PLATBB ..................... $10.00 Out-of-town patients can obtain perfect work and save money by calling at our office. NO STUDENTS NO GAS NO COCAIN« All work iruaranteed for ten years CHICAGO PAINLESS DENTISTS MADE FOP —— I H apd S&f’V’CE --------- ANO GUARANTEED WATERPROOF 32J'V Washington St.. Cor. Sixth Established 15 year.. Here to stay. »5^00 P N U No. 3—’XO ATALLGOqO STORES 1 CATALOG FREE ([ Children Like VkA\ ~ —A.T* , , Co BOSTON us * , ’WfiSa 10WI » CAKAOM. CO I'MinO TO^IMTa CM. k A flavorinK used the same as lemon or vanilla. By dissolving granulated sugar in water and adding M iplcine, a delicious syrup is made and a syrup better than maple. Mapk ineis sold by grocers. If n<’t send 35c for 2 ol. bottle and recipe book. Crescent Mfg. Co., Seattle, CURE inless Dentistry gaer., Instant Relief f«w All Lies In u -ual I quid form - r cboco'nted tab- ets called Sarsutaba. 100 Do-es fl that are irritated from dust, heat, sun or wind, I’Ll' 1 IT'S EYE SALVE. All druggists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, Th, l.abel Language. N. Y. "There’s a language in hotel labels, the same as In stamps or flowers,” No Trouble Otherwise. laid a courier. "All over Europe the Professor (of Eng lish literature)— At hotel porters paste the hotel labels on times you find it difficult. I dare say, to your trunks in such a way that the comprehend the inxulved style of Mr. X>rters iu future towns will know James. Miss de Muir <). no. professor; I what sort of a tipper you are. never have any difficulty in under- “Up at the top of the trunk the la . ' . I hoLVS bel means you are generous. In the is to find out what he is driving at. middle it means you’re a middling ---------------------------------------------------------- -—------------- -- Bort. Down very low it means you E - JUMyer «nJ < H OWARD Leadv.Ik*. Col i . n Hpvciii on price«: Gold, ■re no good." ROUND THE WORLlJ B8WS ORIENT CRUISE ... A man was waiting patiently for ■ street car the other day at a tran»f*r station, says the Boston Record, when a woman, hlgfcly excited, rushed up to him, and cried. "Are you tho man here?” "I don't understand.” he said. "Are you the man here?” «ho r> petted. "No, madam.” he said, concealing a smile. “The man here is that man over there.” I Wise Dental Co. A LEADER WATER SYSTEM IN YOUR HOME Portland, Ore. Spokane, Wash. Boise, Idaho. ■) Martha Washington Com fort Shoes / Gcntiine comfort—that’s what means to wear the stylish xfcg Martha Washington Comfort Shoes. V ■_ They fit like a glove, and insure complete rest and relief. No buttons or laces—just slip them on and ofl like a slipper. Elastic at the sides provides perfect fit over any instep. You will never \ Consumption One of Ayer's Pills st bedtime will cause an increased flow of bile, and produce a gentle laxative effect the day following. Formula on each box. Show it to your doctor. He will understand ata glance. Dose, one pill at bedtime. Made »y the J. C. Ay,r C... L.w.11, Mtgg —- t'poa Thia Hiat. “we have another mummy. From the Priscilla asked John Alden why ha cooking utensils found near her, she is supposed to have been a cook. For did not apeak for himself. “You won't get a chance later,” she 2.000 years she has remained Just where she was found.” "Bosh!” scoff warned. Nothing daunted, he forthwith pop ed the American tourist, “that’s no cook." “Why notY' “Who ever beard ped.—New York Sun. of a cook remaining In one place that It'* easy for a woman to paint a toUgF— Gklcagc LMljf N»*8 jratr lace—if S1M has oa* Standard Oil Company (Incoryoratedt The Cough of We urge you to •onsult your doctor LEWIS & STAYER CO. THE STEADY WHITE ____ i-A....' Is a high grade lamp »old at a low price, are la ujts that cost more but tia re is no better lamp at any prit e. The Burner, tbe Wick, the t i liunet Holder- all are vital things in a lamp; these parts of the RAYO LAMP are perfectly constructed anti there is nothing known in the art of )amn-mnk:ng that could add to the value of the RAYO in a light g ving d< vice. Suitable for any rnoffi m the houae Every dealer every «here. If n >t at yours, write for descriptive circular to the nearest Agency of the 1 know how comfortable a good looking shoe can be until you have worn r MARTHA WASHINGTON COMFORT SHOES Bcwar* of imilaliom. Only the genuine have the name Martha Washington and Mayef Trade Mark »lamped on the tele. Refuse substitutes. Je Your dealer will supply you ; if not, write to us. FREE —If you will oend u* the name of a denier who doe« a F-tóÌl not handle Martha Washington Comfort Shoe«, we will K" * Z ,* .>-< ■ ‘i' i «end you free, postpaid, a beautiful picture of Martha /" k Was: Ik We also make HonorbiltShoes for men,Leadin< Lad y / 8hoes, Yerrn « Cushion bnaes. Special Merit St. X^^Shoe« and Work Shoe«. 4i.'5'r '// ; v \ Up téS&è F- Mayer Boot & Shoe Co.ys# -J J MILWAUKEE, WIS. -J
