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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 30, 1905)
J» s»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»*»»»** spicy fragrance. Many stopped to gaze at her beautiful pinks, their attention being attracted by the fragrance of the lieautifui flowers. BANDON RECORDSt Jostle** John M. Harlan of the Unite» »tate supreme court, when a practic ing lawyer In LouliMille, once tried hl» baud at newspaper wdfk, taking the l^ace of a |«-nional friend, then editor of tlie Ixiulsvllle Commercial The jus tice got along all right writing editori als, but had Ideas as to news that were Ht variance with those of the city edi tor. One of the reporters had written a clever account of a man who bad fallen from the fourth story of a building and It escaped without serious Injury, made a story of about a column in length. With a proof of the article in his hand the tenqsirary editor came to the city editor and said: "Mr. Smith, please have this story cut down. I can't see anything In it that makes It worth that space.” “But It’s the ’star’ story of the Jay, Mr. Harlan,” gasped the astonished news man. “I think it's a remarkable story and wed worth all the space giv en to It.” “I don't,” said Justice Harlan. “If a man had Jumped up four stories, It would certainly have lieen remarkable, but even a fool could fall down four stories, or half a dozen, for that mat ter.”—New York Times. The Driver's Point ot View. The hotel coach was filled with a crowd of happy, Jubilant visitors, and the horses toiled splendidly up the hills. Au each eminence was reached ■nd nt every turn In the road the crowd would burst forth Into cries of wonder and delight at the magnificent scenes which burst upon their view. The mountain jehu alone preserved a dig nity and silence which rather «wed the others. At length, after a particularly lovely view had been passed, oil* of the guests at the driver’s left hind re marked: “You don’t seem to take much Inter est In the scenery. No doubt It’s an old story to you." The driver shook his head. "No, that’s not It,” be answered. "I just don’t care.” Then he leaned a lltth* closer and whispered: “But I knows just how you folks must feel. You all come from a long distance Just to see tilings, and you're bouud to enjoy It anyhow so as to get your money's worth and not feel as though you was cheatin’ yourselves. Oh,” said this driver in a superior tone, "I don’t mind It when 1 understand how ’tls.”—Les lie's Weekly. ChwnRf to Change n Umrtrr, "How much does it take to change a quarter?” ailked the bartender. “Twen- 1 ty-five cents, eh? Not on your life. It takes seventy cents to do the trick. How many ways do you suppose u quarter dollar can be changed? Just exactly eleven. A fellow of limited means may like the jingle of coin in his clothes. In that event you can give him twenty-five pennies or twenty pen nies and one nickel. He may like to have a little sprinkling of silver In his clothes, and you can accommodate him with fifteen pennies and*a dime or ten pennies, a dime and a nickel. “If lie prefers to have change handy for a beer and a car fare, why, fifteen pennies and two nickels will fix him up. and if he wants a cigar in addition, besides having a little stock of cash In Ills jeans, give him ten pennies and three nickels. That makes six ways. Now, then, a fellow with a quarter can trade it off for five pennies and two dimes, five pennies and four nickels, two dimes nnd one nickel, one dime nnd three nickels or five nickels, just as he prefers. And to accommodate him In any way that be might select you have to possess twenty-five pen nies, two dimes nnd five nickels—sev enty cents In all.”—Philadelphia Rec- ord. Ponliil Foolishness. One of the commonest forms of pound foolishness Is countenanced by many high authorities. This is the purchase of certain household provisions In large quantities. Few writers on domestic topics fall to lay stress upon the econ omy of buying groceries In bulk. That sugar nnd flour, potatoes nnd npples should be bought by the half or whole barrel, cereals by the case, butter by the tub nnd other tilings in like propor tion Is one of the early precepts in the •'Young Housekeeper’s Complete Guide to Domestic Economy.” The Ignorant young things buy the provisions first and the experience aft erward. The flour grows musty, the cereals develop weevils, the potatoes and npples rot long before they can be eaten, and the cook exercises a lavish- ness In the use of the butter and sugar she would never show were they bought In such limited amounts that the house keeper could hold close watch over them. Even after these events the young mistress feels ns If she were ab solutely reckh'ss nnd no manager at all when she so far departs from house hold law as to buy food In small quan tities.—Independent. Iter Pet Name. "Ab!” he sighed after she had blush- fngly whispered "Yes” in his bosom. "My own Mehltabell Oil. that name’s so formal! Surely your friends use settle shorter one, some pei iiuioei” "Well,” sbe murmured, "the girls at boarding school used to call me Pic kles.”—Philadelphia Press. An Expert. Professor—If n person In good health, but who Imagined himself sick, should send for y^y, what would you do? Medical ^tufient — Give him some thing to make him sick and then ad minister aunintldote. Professor 4- Don’t waste »117 more time here. Hang out your shingle.— New York Weekly- In Trmptatloa'i Way. Jones—Has your wife got her new hat yet? Brown —No; I’ve glren her the money for It several times, but she has spent It on some great, glorious bargain she saw liefore she got to the milliner shop —Detroit Free I’ress. Some pcop*^ expect fortune to break In the door and announce her arrival through a megaphone.—Nashville Ban ner. About the only way r to convert some people Is to 'ear» them th« alone.- I «Bas News. »•»» All lovers of carnations will be inter ested in the following item. At the coming aunual flower show to beheld in Convention Hall, Kansas City, Mo., a prize of one hundred dollars has been offered for the most perfect pink carna tion. The late President McKinley usually wore a pink carnation in his bu I ton-bole, and the prize-winner in this class will be named the “McKin ley.” The most elalsirate plans have been made for the show, which expects exhibits from all parts of the country. A unique feature of the exhibition is the arrangement of the hall, which is to represent a Japanese garden, and four hundred square feet of space in the great arena will be devoted to natural flower beds. They ought to have a lilieral display of California chrysanthe mums to further carry out their idea. They are now in their glory, and are easily sent by express or mail, and will arrive at their destination in gissl con dition. «««« Hpeaking of pinks reminds me of a little lady who places the carnation above all other flowers. To her they are the gems of the floral world. She has been interested in their culture for years, but has been unfortunate in prop agating them owing to the gophers, which are the deadly enemy of the carnation, helping themselves« to them before trying anything else in the gar den. ISlie determined to have pinks, however, so she had an immense box made of closely woven wire, and after giving her order for the same returned home to dream of the carnation bed she had in mind which would be the envy of all the neighborhood. The box Anal ly came, also the bill, but I will let her give the balance of this o’er true inci dent iu her own words. »»*» “The bill for that pink box paralyzed me for the moment, Polly. I won- dered what my husband would say, but I went out into the yard, got a boy to help me, and worked like a Trojan to get it buried and the pinks planted before he came home. We iiad the work nearly completed when he arrived, and he seemed to be de lighted with the result of my labors. ‘Well, that is a bright scheme" he re marked, as he took in the size of the box, and then came that dreaded ques tion, ‘How much did it cost?’ ‘The bill is on the porch,’ 1 replied. Then 1 dug industriously and never looked up. Not a sound came from his direction for several minutes, and then he gave a long, low whistle. That is the way he does. He doesn’t swear and storm like some men when things go wrong, he merely gives that peculiar whistle of Ills and it’s worse than strong words. You get over them quicker. About ten minutes after he said gravely, ‘That was pretty steep, wasn’t it, for that pink box? Ten dollars is a whole lot of money. Just now when taxes are to be met and new sch<«>l-books to be pur chased, besides our living exjienses. John doesn’t get the biggest salary iu the world; indeed, it is very small.’ He was right, and I felt guilty enough, but I never dreamed it was going to cost so much when I ordered it. I really ex pected three or four dollars to cover it. But then and there 1 made up my mind that I should make this piuk box pay for itself. »»»» “I worked harder than ever to make that carnation bed a success, planted only the most choice varieties and plant- ml «rnlzxrzt Hviolltr ■'•ztzxaxzi i v> in ed uiuiil seed galore, finally cn succeeding in getting two pinks that were entirely new. I had a friend in the lloral busi- ness in San Francisco and I confided to him my woes and he promised to lake all the pinks I could send him, and as a result I have up to date cleared fifty dollars off my earnation box. Not only that, but I have sold them yardsand yards of smilax besides many clusters of mignonette and bachelor buttons. Our unsightly backyard fence has been converted into a thing of beauty by choice sweet jieas that run riot over the old board fence. For this I stretched wire netting tlie entire length. It was of the cheapest kind and had large meshes that gave plenty of room to twine tae little green ten drils through and give the vines a chance to climb. I cannot begin to tell you of the baskets of sweet peas 1 have sent to the San Frenclsco florist. My busband Is as proud of my success with the flowers as I am, and he often says that was the luckiest ten dollars he ever paid out, even if he did give that long, low whistle of his that al ways fairly freezes me and is every bit ae doleful as a funeral diige, or that old hymn, gissl in ita place, “Come Ye Disconsolate.” I have more spending money than I ever had liefore. I am healthier, for I spend a great deal of my time in the garden instead of being cooped up in the house with sewing and cooking. It |>ays me lietter to get some one else to attend to these lew pleasant duties and devote my time to raising buds and blossoms.” Two young ladies who are tired of the hum-drum life of waiting on customers in a dry-goods store have a unique Idea in view for making a living. They have stood behind the counter for years measuring oil' yards and yar<M of laces and ribbons, have saved nothing, and have lived as economically as they they could, one of the girls w as raised on a farm not many miles distant from San Francisco, and sbe is going back to the old home accompanied by her friend, and with her father’s consent and assistance they are going to raise mushrooms for the market. They have been studying up on the subject for some time, and they think they know just how to go about it to make the industry a success financially and otherwise. They will know a dainty pink mushroom from the poisonous toadstool, and furthermore, they have discovered as others have done before them, that many of the cases of poison ing caused by eating mushrooms, was not traced to a toadstool at all, but to a vast number of tiny bugs or insects that swarm at the stem of mushrooms which have passed their prime, that is, the pink stage into the black and discol ored state. Every mushroom should be thoroughly examined and the little stem removed. If tiiere is any trouble there you will find it in the little cavity left in the mushroom when you remove the stem. You might boil all of your silver sjioons with these poisonous mushrooms and that would simply be no test ut all, the poison would still lurk there. The better precaution is to remove the stem for bugs and use the silver for toadstools. BRIEF REVIEW Long Runs of Conductors. As the speed of trains is accelerated between distant isiints the runs made by train and Pullman car conductors are lenghtened out. The comluctorson llock Island No. 21, better known as the fast mail, run from Chicago to Des Moines, 358 miles. Returning the next morning they lay over one and a half days in Chicago before coming out again. Out on the Union Pacific con ductors on the overland and limited mail trains run from Omaha to Chey enne and from Cheyenne to Ogden, 516 and 514 miles respectively. The time they are on the road is, however, less than years ago, when the runs were less than 300 miles in length. Tlie distance covered by the Pullman car conductors is vastly greater than those by train con ductors. From Chicago to Denver is 1041 miles. Pullman car conductors consider this a short run. The men in charge of the sleeping earson the North western and Union Pacific accompany thuircars from Chicago to Portland, Or. It takes nine days to make the round trip of nearly 4000 miles and they make about two and a half trips per month. On the Santa Fe the conductors run from Chicago to San Francisco and on the Canadian Pacific they remain with their cars on the trip across the conti nent, which consumes nearly six days from Postland, Me., to Vancouver and Victoria. On the Illinois Central they run from Sioux City to New Orleans. They rceive $75 jier month. Artificial wool made from turf fibres is now employed at Dusseldorf, Ger many, for manufacturing cloth, band ages, hats, rugs and so forth. Ten years have elapsed since the first attempts to make turf wool, and it is averred that recent improvements in the processes have resulted in the production of a soft fibrous material, which can be spun as readily as sheep’s wool, and which, tie sides possessing excellent absorbent qualities, is capable of being bleached and colored for use in various textile in dustries. Taxes for Any Old Thing, Some of the most peculiar of taxa tions recorded are to be found in the ar chives of Holland. In 1791, for instance, there was in existancea tax imposed on all passengers graveling in Holland. In 1874 a duty of 2 shillings was levied on each jiersou who entered a tavern lie- fore noon, on those who entered a place of entertainment, oil marriages and on many other things. If a person was buried out of the district to which he l»e- longed the tax was -payable twice over. According to the recent studies of Sig nor de Sanctis of Turin, children begin to dream before their fourth year, but are unable to recall dreams liefore the age of five. This age, he concludes, is that at which a child first becomes in stinctively conscious of self. Aged peo ple dream less^ frequently and less vividly than young. Women’s dreams are more frequent, more vivid, and bet ter remembered than those of men. The annual report concerning the ood supply of Paris for 1903 contains some interesting figures. Here is the official average of what a Parisian eats and drinks in one year. Two hundred and forty-two eggs, 19.26 pounds of but »»»» ter, 3.05 pounds of ready-cooked butch Going liack to pinks or earnations. I ers meat, 34.(12 pounds of fish, 154.70 have another friend who is a worshijier pounds of beef, 25.88 pounds of pork of flowers, but pinks are her hobby as and 27.83 pounds of fowl and game. well, ami like the little lady above, she Man loves to be praised for his intui has gophers to contend with. She had no wire box to plant them in, but she chose tion, woman for her logic. As a idle, another novel plan that succeeded be neither |x>seess either. yond her utmost expectations. Sbe saved her yeast powder cans and cut Grentness is to take the common the bottoms off-. These she sank into things of life and walk truly among the earth and planter! her pinks in them. them. The gopher seemed to think a Give a boy a dime, and he immedi trap had been set for him and never went below the bottom of the can to at- ately begins to look around for his hat. (tack the roots. She had about seventy- five varieties of pinks, both double and To learn the worth of a man's religi«* ■ single, and the air was filled with their do bu»int,tn with bfm. V LIVING BAROMETER Tlie t'rnlllt.. S»td»r ♦l*’»* I oxe< *1 1 »eata:**» l. etker Sharp. in Yucatan, a laud of many snrlss!- ties. flier* 1» a living barometer In the form of a small spider. < allml "aai” on aeciMiUt of the effect produced By Its poison. As far as Its own «induct goes, •be insect Is Inoffensive and can be handled with Impunity, but If anybody tins the misfortune to get one mysteri ously mixed with his food he Is certain to die after a few hour» and meanwhile for some unexplained reason will fre quently ejaculate "Am. am, am!” hence the name of the spider. Throughout the peninsula tills Is »ffirmed to be a fact, and If an am falls into fodder of horses or mules the animal that swal lows it surely dies. This spider is shaped like a crab, minus the claws, and is of a bright yel low color, with brown spots; the big gest could be accommodated upon a silver dime. Its favorite abode is among the leaves of the banana abrub, commonly, but erroneously, called tree. There It spins with extreme rapidity. Its web, which Is prodigiously large, considering the size of Its architect, ami proceeds to devour the flies that are unlucky enough to get entisugled In the meshes of this astonishing little glutton, that Is not satisfied with less than a dozen a day—that Is to say. It consumes a good deal more than Its own b "Ik. Its progeny Is numerous and appears at first like more black sjiecks, smaller than the smallest pin’s head. The sky rr.ay be blue and cloudless when suddenly the am commences tak ing in Its sails, or. rather, gathering In Its net, with neatness and dispatch, cramming the whole of the material Into Its diminutive body entirely out of sight. A few minutes completes the job. and the spider takes up Its posi tion on the under surface of one of the great leaves to be lulled by the gentle swaying and sheltered while the storm rages. It Is for this that the am lias prepared, and never Is it mistaken. When the web is taken In, rain will certainly fall within an hour. The moment the am is touched It feigns death and lets Itself drop, show ing no sign of life until again placed upon a leaf or on the ground. Many a one has lain in the palm of the writer’s hand inert, all Its legs drawn close to Its body, while It was examined at leisure, even being picked up In the fingers without Its manifesting uuy life. A DOMESTIC COMEDY. A QUESTION OF TEETH Did the Immortal Georise Wear ■ iflclul or \*tural (Inrat Ar- “George Washington's false teeth, which were supposed to have been made of ivory, ar«* giving a certain class of freak historians alsiut as much trouble as they must have given the venerable patriot who wore them,” said on«' of the professors of the Smithsonian institution to a reporter recently. "Many time» a year for several years this Institution has been called upon to produce these mysterious teeth for the inspection of persons who insist that they are here. "Our matter of fact answer to these Inquiries that Washington had no false teeth, or at least If he did, that they are not in the possession of the mu seuui, seems only to stimulate the In quiring mind to protest our statement. They proceed to give us authentic ac counts of these teeth and always con clude with expressing the belief that they must be In the museum some where. "Where or how the idea that Wash ington had false teeth originated Is an unsolved mystery. That It Is firmly be lieved by many is certainly a fact. There seems to be no authentic record of the Father of IBs Country possess ing ivory teeth, aud by a study of the bust we have of him, which was made but a few years before his death, there is no indication of an Indentation along flic line of tlie gums such as can lie noticed in p< rsons who have had their teeth drawn, even though they wear artificial ones. However, we will con tinue to answer tin* same question In the same way probably many times In the future.” According to some biographers Washington lost his teeth during his service as commander in chief of the Continental army and had a set of Ivory ones made. These teeth. It is also stated, gave him much trouble be cause tiny did nut fit.—Washington Star. RAILWAY RUMBLES. Ireland claims the honor of the first electric railway In the United King- dom. It* is said that the cheapest railway fans in the world are to be found iu Hungary. Denmark lias a government railroad system of 1.167 miles and 525 miles of private railroads. The Servian. Roumanian and Bulga rian railroads are owned exclusively BEAUTY SPOTS. by tlie respective governments. Travelers on Prussian railways whose Try lemon Juice for whitening the baggage, through no fault of their neck. Apply it with a linen cloth. After the head lias been shampooed, own. fails to arrive with them can now whenever possible, give the head a sun have it sent on request free to their houses bath. Tlie difficulty of railway construction A writer states that oily bands may be made comfortable and touchable by In some purls of Africa Is Illustrated wetting them once or twice a day while by the fact that on the Freetown-Mat- clean with cologne, alcohol or toilet tru line, in Sierra Leone, eleven steel bridges hail to be built in a distance of vinegar. A good circulation is essential to the only thirty kilometers. A representative of the Paris Temps growth of the hair as well as to Its col or and fineness. A frequent, vigorous lias been examining railway stations In brushing with a stiff brush Is the best Germany, and he declares that those of Dresden. Cologne, Hanover, Frankfort, method of obtaining this. A writer upon tho oouiplexion says Bremen, etc . are far superior to any the best way to treat freckles, a sure of tlie French except the Parisian. cure In all but very obstinate eases. Is I'njInR n Creditor. to touch them night and morning with Like many another famous man both a camel’s hair brush after dipping it In before Ills time and since. Talleyrand lemou julci. For a gruasy skin nothing is better exhibited, at least in early life, a great than the combination of an ounce of reluctance to settling with his credit dried rose leaves, half a pint of white ors. When lie was appointed bishop of wine vinegai* and half a pint of rose Antnn by Loafs XVL, he considered a water. Let the vinegar stand on the line new coach to be necessary to the rose leaves for a week, then add the proper maintenance of the dignity of rosewater. Use a tablespoonful In a that office. Accordingly a coach was ordered mid delivered, bat not paid for. cup of distilled water. Some time after, as the newly appoint ed bishop wns about to enter Ills coach, A Geological Fallacy. Probably the most wild and unjusti lie noticed a strange man standing near fiable of all the crude beliefs respect who bowed continually until the coach ing geological resources is that which was driven away. This occurred for holds to the conviction that by going several days until at length Talley deep enough the drill Is sure to find rand. addressing tlie stranger, said: “Well, my good man. who are you?” semething of value, no matter nt what “I am your coachmaker, my lord,” point the work of boring Is commenced. There are numerous wise persons In replied the stranger. "Ah." -aid Talleyrand, "you are my every community, estimable, Influen tial and In the highest degree public coachmnker! And what do you want, spirited who are convinced that the my coachtnnker?" “I want to l>e paid, my lord.” question, for example, of finding coal “Ah. you are my coachmaker, and iu their special locality Is simply a you want to be paid? You shall be matter of the depth to which the ex plorations are carried. Rock oil and paid, my conchmaker.” "But when, my lord?” natural gas are recognized as desirable "Hum.” said Talleyrand, settling products in every progressive commu nity, and every such community con himself comfortably among tile cash- tains persons In other respects Intelli Ions of Ills new coach ami eying ills gent who are ready to stake their own coachmaker severely, "you are very fortune and that of their nearest Inquisitive!” friends on the belief that oil and gas Sr. la<! Eatlnff Good Sense. are everywhere underneath the surface Even men are progressing gastronom- and that their sources can be tapped Ically. Sclent ¡tie dietetics lias at last with tlie drill provided only there is revealed to u» the fact that the woman sufficient capital to keep up tlie process who eats salad on a hot day in July, of drilling long enough.—Mines and August or September is displaying Minerals. sound gastronomic sense, says What to Eat. Tlie long haired dreamer In the • Lon«*llnr«n and Health. A medical journal has of late been restaurant may have been nineteen dif discoursing on the Indigestion of lone- ferent kinds of a fool upon every other lines». By this title is meant to be In proposition in life, but lie knew what dicated the disorders of digestion which to ent on a hot day. The human ani tye believed to follow tlie practice of mal needs grass or Its equivalent in taking one's meals In solitary state. summer. With their oil the salads sup Tlie topic Is by no means an uninter ply everything a man physically needs esting one. Thousands of men and wo In hot weather. All the civilized races men living alone are compelled to take of the world are salad eaters,but Amer their meals for the most part without icans eat less than do any other people. company. Week In and week °t’t they It Is not a sign of mental decay or mor feed themselves without a soul to talk al degeneracy for s man to eat salad: It to, and the medical journal devotes Its is gastronomic sense. energies to showing that tlie practice Harpera Ferry. is not one that Is likely to be conducive Harpers Ferry was named after to dig st Ion. to proper liodlly nourish ment i r to health. The solitnry man Robert Harper, an architect and mill soon tires of merely eating, nnd. If be Is builder. Isirn In 1703 In the town o' not d a literary turn of mind, his tend Oxford. England. He came to A me; ency i- to hurry through his meals to lea In 1735 with bls brother Joseph es<-a; ■ from his loneliness Into the so and located In Philadelphia, where fol cle- ei Ips fellow men. Herein, It Is a time ho prospered but. falling later, concluded to Join the Friends of Ixm hi I.: I ■ s a danger to health. doun county. V.-i En route to bls new I)i«<'overy of C or I In Wale». home he came upon the gap In the During the reign of Henry VIII. Blue Ridge mountains, where he made many attempts were made to discover his borne. coni In north Wales, nnd a Shrewsbury Ip Illa Aleev». man. named Richard Gardner, wns the At the battle of Otudtirtnan n soldier only person who succeeded. The old ♦«■longing to a Scotch regiment was records read: “He attemptyd and put nenrly killed by a bullet which struck Into proofs to fynde out coles about the the ground just In front of him while town (Shrewsbury) in soondry placys. be tens tiring in a reclining position. and In one place especlall callyd Ema- On rising to move a few feet forward, tine Hn^e. hnrd by the sayd towne. be something ■ um» down Ills sleeve It found by bls great dyllgence and tW'ball wax tl« bullet How It got up his great store of see cole, the which Is sleeve without Inflicting damage can lyke W> come mu<\ commodltie bothe only be a< < onntad for by tist fact that to the riche nnd poor* that be Is Hot* It must have Iw-en spent by the time it only worthy >f comrnendacou and struck the ground n Tout of him and mayntennnee, but also to be bad a re- the course <>f Its flight Up bis sleeve tu bra nee for ever.”—Cardiff X’est- was its last billet era M " ’. • THE VARIER RESULTS OF REARRANG ING THE FURNITURE. *£»». the niank'» Manin Apprsrauc* For CliBBBlBB the ut Ituum» THE STIRRUP CUP My short ha|M > is doss; The I tiiit an«i m.ht romss os ▲nJ at dour the |ale boras atai To carry me to unknown lands. His whinny thrill, Li» pawing hoof, S un«l drugd’ a F**t’ > ring »torn And I giuat leak* this > Itering roof And joys of life au aoft and warm. Brought Trouble lu the Mule Con tingent and Sorrow lu lleraelt. “Do yos change th* position of t'je furniture when you cleau a roon ?'" Inquired housewife No. 1 of a frieu I lb the course of a heart to bear« calk. "Do I? Wil). Jis. indeed! I don't feel as If the room is cleaned unless I change the furniture a little bit. Do you ?” "Well. I usually change the orna metits around nnd so forth, but in the tprlug and fall I like to change every thing In a room—completely alter the whole appearance of It. Then I fancy the things are all new. and they seem to look prettier somehow. But. do you know, my husband doesn't like It nt all.'” “Neither does mine! Isn't that slugu lar? Men are so peculiar!” "Yes, indeed they are!” So many housekeepers share the views of tlwse two that a story with a moral will not be out of place. It was th, other night only that Mr. Blank went unsuspiciously up stairs to bed at au unusually early hour, leaving bls wife rending lu the sitting room 11c had a headache and carried a gob let of water in his right hand. Fear lessly advancing into the dark bed room Mr. Blank suddenly felt both legs violently cut from under him. He clutched wildly at the air nnd said several things of an exclamatory na turc. but there was nothing to save him. He weut dowu. "Good gracious, Henry!" ejaculated Mrs. Blank, hurrying to the scene of disaster. "What Js the matter? Where are you? Why don't you light the gas?' Suiting the action to tlie word, sbe beheld her husband sprawl Ing across the bed: the glass he had carried ba«. discharged its contents across the pillowshams aud shivered on the floor. Mr. Blank did the talking for the next ten minutes. He said that of ail the blankety blank folly of which the mind could conceive this of changing furniture around was the worst. He said it was a pretty thing for a man to walk into his own room and have to fall over things in tlie dark. He said be wouldn’t stand it; tlie furniture must be replaced where ft formerly stood. "I shan't do anything of the kind,” replied Mrs. Blank. “It looks very much nicer wuere it Is. Why don’t you feel where you are going when you get into a dark room?” “S'pose you’d like me to crawl in on all fours!” snarled Mr. Blank. "1 couldn’t feel where the bed wns unless I happened to touch the footboard. I thought I could walk clear over to the bureau. I tell you it’s a confounded crank you have on this subject. Some day you’ll precipitate a serious acci dent.” “If any one precipitates, it’ll be you. I should think.” retorted Mrs. Blank icily. And the furniture remained where It was. It was the next evening that Master Blank undertook to carry a pile of schoolbooks from the dining room to the sitting room. He had a bottle of Ink in Ills hand, and be thought he knew exactly where the center table was. In the course of his peregrina tions in search of it, however, be came Into violent collision with the glass door of the bookcase, which be broke. There were also Inky traces discernible on the carpet when Mrs. Blank came In. Tills tin« there was some balm for her feelings. She could spank Master Blank and did it with the best will In the world. Her own downfall was not long In coming, however, although for a few days only minor inconveniences were met with, such as the abrasion of an kies against chair rockers and slight bruises received by means of sudden contact with unforeseen obstacles. Last evening Mrs. Blank undertook to trans fer the cage of her pet parrot from the window where It spends the day to the snug corner where It passes the night. Sbe did not trouble to light the gas. and by some unaccountable mental lapse she bad forgotten the precise point at which a tabouret, on which stood a jar diniere, was stationed. She charged Into the tabouret with considerable force, was overbalanced by the weight of the cage in her arms and took a header with a resounding crash. The parrot shrieked, nnd, unable to distin guish friend from foe. Inflicted n severe bite on her mistress’ finger. Mr. Blank came in hurriedly, picked up bls wife and assisted In making an inventory of sundry contusions. Then they lifted the parrot cage, badly bent, and the jardiniere with a piece chipped out of It and the tabouret somewhat scratch ed, and then Mr. Blank observed quiet ly: “I have just one thing to ask you. Mrs. Blank. Was I right?’ "No, yott were not!” retorted Mrs. Blank savagely. "Serious accident? What's serious about this. I should like to know? For goodness' snke, Henry. Jon’t «»and there trying to look like a martyr! If you must have the furni ture moved back, 1'11 move It!” And •be did.—Philadelphia Record. Preoccupation. Tender and warm the joys of life; Good fritrxta, th« faithful and the true; My rosy children and my wife. So sweet to kiss, so fair to view. So sweet to kisa» go fair to view; The night comes on, the lights burn blua. And at my door tl. • pale h rse stands To b«ar me forth to unknown lamia. —John Hay. A NOVEL HOTEL BILL. The Mull to Whom It Waa Presented t onld Xot t iitlerntnnd II. "Talking nlioiit bookkeeping, there use«l to I«' u man In Yankton whose system of bookkeeping accounts was wonderfully efficient. II«' kept a hotel, nnd lie could neither rea«l nor write. He did not know how to spell Ills own name, but he did a thriving business and collected ■ every dollar of his ac counts. Once, years ago. when 1 first efl me to this country. 1 went to his ho tel nnd stopped there two weeks,” writes Milt Btlnben. "When I left, he presented me with a statenfl*nt of what L owed him. nnd it was a curiosity. He bad copied It from Ills ledger. At the tup of the sln*et there wns a rude picture of a soldier on tlie march nnd after It three straight marks. Then there was a seem* show ing a man at table eating. Then ap- peare«) a bed with a man in it. In the amount cvlumu'there was a picture of a doll and after it the two letters "RS.” After the picture of a man eating there were, forty-two marks; after tlie view of the man in the Ited. fourteen marks. I looked at tlie account, then at tlie proprietor, and told him it would take me a week to answer that conundrum. "I was completely stumped, nnd when that hotel man deciphered the amount for me it was tills: The picture of the soldier walking meant march, nnd the three mark» supplied tin* date. March 3. wlie.n I begqu. botirdlng. The man a.t tlie table witli forty-two marks lift««' ft indicated that I had eaten fort.v-two meals. The man in bed witli fourteen marks showed that I had slept iu the iiouse fourteen nights. Tlie doll witli the 'RS' after it meant 'dollars,' and in the figure columns appeared the ti r- ures 14, which was the amount 1 ow 1 him. And it was a true bill.”—Yank ton Pres». A Ptrilan tlnrber. A Persian barber works in a style very dlffelvnt from Hint in vogue In tills country. A typical shop is a squari* room, witli one side open to tlie street. In the center is tl tiny lied of flowers sunk in the floor, from tlie middle of which rises an octngonal stone column about three feet high. The capital of the column forms a receptacle for the water In which the barber dips his hand as lie shaves I s customer's scalp. In Persia they .o not lat|ier. The shop.Is very clean. In two recesses stand four vases filled with flowers and the Implements of the barber's art—scissors, razors, lancets, hand mirrors, large pinchers to extract teeth, branding irons to cauterize tlie arteries in amputating limbs, strong combs, but not a hairbrush, for that implement is never used by Persians. From the barber’s girdle bang a round copper water bottle, his strop, and a pouch to hold his instruments. In ills bosom is a small mirror, tlie presentation of which to his customers Is a sign that tlie jolt Is finished and (lint tlie burlier waits for Ills pay. Tlie barber slimes tlie heads of ills custom ers, dyes their liearils. pulls their teeth, blisters and bleeds them when ailing, sets their broken bones and shampoos tin !r bodies.— Exchange. Strnntfc l.niitr of Memory. Cases of forgetfulness on matters of Interest are on record. While Dr. Priestley was preparing his work en titled "Harmony of the Gospels" lie had taken great pains to Inform him self on a subject which bad been under discussion relative to tlie Jewish Pass- over. lie w ote out the result of bls researches and laid tlie paper away. His attention and time being taken witli something else, some little time elapsed before the subject occurred to Ills mind again. Then tlie same time and pains were given to tlie aubject that hail been given to It before, and tlie results were again put on paper and laid aside. So completely had he forgotten that lie had copied the same paragraphs and reflections liefore that it was only when he had found tlie papers on which lie had trairscrilied tliein that It was recalled to bis recol lection. This same author had fre quently rend his own published writ ings and did not recognize them. Held Fltitnctte. When Dom Pedro, then emperor of Brazil, was entertained at the White House, lie had been told by a confused oenator that It would I m * expected that hi*. Hit* emperor, should be tlie Inst of the guests to dcpiirt. Tlie president’« wife,however. Inform ed her other guests that they would lie expected to follow, not precede, the royal party in leaving tlie bouse. 'Die result wns Hint no one flared io go for fear of it breach of etlqiiette. But at 3 o'clock In-the morning a tired soman pretended Illness, and tlie dead lot k was broken Great is etiquette, but common aense Is sometimes allowable. “Why do you «peak so slightingly of that eminent scientist?’ "1 didn't mean to speak slightingly of him,” answered the young man with A < nrlon« llnrnmrtrr. the striped shirt front, “but It does A curious barometer Is said to be seem peculiar to me that a man who knows Just when the next comet will used by the remnant of the Araiicnniau arrive and ust how far It Is to tin* race which Inhabits the southernmost moon should be so utterly Ignorant province of Chile. It consists of the when It comis to a question of whi n castoff shell of a crab’. The dead shell It’s time ft dinner or what train to Is white In fair, dry weather,- but tlie take to get n the n-mr**st town.”—Bo» approach of a moist atmosphere Is Indi cated by the appearance of small red ton Travelei ■pots. As the moisture In the air In creases tlie shell becomes entirely red Th* Chans» In the Tenderfoot. “This Is a remarkably healthy ell and remains so throughout the rainy season. mate, they say.” said the easterner. "You’re right tbar.” said Arizona Al Ito« and Wolf. “F"r Instance, not long ago a tenderfoot There has been some dispute «V t0 with a weak chest an' a pale face drop the descent of the dog—whether It 1« ped Inter the Miners’ Delight, called me an improved progeny of the wolf or a a liar an’ o’ course I had to clean up’ distinct variety. That It Is a different 'Bout two mouths after a big sunburnt species Is proved by the fact that the cowboy stopped ia> on the street, wiped dog and the wolf will mate ami pro the earth up with me an' slammed me duce offspring Nevertbelcsa It Is prob op In a tree to recuperate Same fel able that tlie dog Is merely descended ler. Best climate In the world, pard.” from the tuime original stock with tlie —Indianapolis Sun. • Wolf. o O o
