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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 2, 1905)
beeouie tired «f a laie of woe. 1 bey don't want to hear aimut your family artairs, particularly it.they are un pleasant, fur they have trials aud trib ulations of their own. Then, again, why not look pleasant ? Life at beet is short, and the milestones, when oue reaches my time of life, pass sw iftly, ami we are on the brink of the other world before we realize that our raffr is almost run. f don’t want people, after I have rt*|smded to the last summons, to say, ‘1’ tn glad she has gone, for she reminded me of a walking tomiutone.’ 8o forlorn ami unhappy that my very presence casts a dani|>er over tlie ha|>- piness of my friends. It is not neces sary for any one to know of my aches and pains, mental or physical, and 1 long ago learned to keep unpleasant things, particularly if they applied to myself, hidden in my heart. The sub conscious regions reveal them to me every now and then, but no one is the wiser. 1 am better for it and so are my friends. Just keep in mind it might lie worse, and It will help you over many of the rough places in your journey through life.” FACTS IN FEW LINES Conqtaint'vffly little milk 1» con sumed lu southern cities. “‘it might be worse!’ That little A trooper's sword measures thirty- three inches, w hili’ u lance is nine feet sentence is my panacea for all the trials and tribulations of my life, Folly,” long. Chicago did not get a place on the said a little friend the other day, and map until 1840, when Its population when 1 looked at the forlorn, worn- was 4,470. out little woman, I wondered how it In the early days of railroading could ever have been much worse for bogses were used to help the locoiuo- tier. Such a patient, pathetic face, ti vee on up grades. with her big brown, mournful eyes aje The total number of all known varie |>ealiiig to you ill every glauce. She ties of postage stamps used by all the governments of the world up to date Is talked so lio|>efully of w hat the future might hold iu atonement for all her 19,242. A London curio dealer has In bls sufferings ill the past, hut you could window a placard reading, "Several read volumes in her eyes. They told bits of armor for sale, suitable for mo the pathetic story unknown to her, torists.” ami you wondered how the frail Issly There are more railway tunnels, via could stand up under the burden. Her ducts and railroad bridges In Switzer mother died when she was but ten land than In any other country In the years old ami a^de|emother soon came old world. into the household, and from that on Sheerness, England, though an im she was a burden-bearer. Little step portant naval station and a town of over 15,000 Inhabitants, does not pos sisters and -brothers came into the home, and it ended lien school-days. sess a single telephone. In answer to a query front Millie B., Owing to the rapid growth of the She was needed to act as nurse girl asking for a formula for a good skin United States the English language Is until she was round-shouldered and food, I am giving one which a well- now spoken by more persons than use almost deformed. She was crowded known lauuty doctor vouches for and any other civilized tongue. out ns the step-sisters grew older until which she has used satisfactorily for The percentage of Jews engaged in she was nothing but the kitchen years: White wax, 1 ounce ; sperma trades aud doing manual labor for a drudge and maid of all work. After a living is greater in New York than In long spell of sickness she was sent to ceti, 1 ounce ; lanolin, 2 ounces; cocoa- nut oil, 2 ounces; oil of sweet almonds, any other city In the world. the country to reeu|>erate. There she In defense to a charge of selling milk met a young farmer, who fell hi love 4 ounces; tincture of benzoin, 30 dro|w. Melt tlie first five ingredients together. wholly devoid of fat an English cow keeper said that bls cows had been eat with the forlorn girl, ami she married Take oil' the fire and beat until nearly ing cabbages, but tlie defeuse availed him ami settled down to a quiet life on cold, adding little by litttie the ben tiie furm. Then came the fl rat happy zoin, and lastly two ounces of orange him not. A cat which had been driven Into a days of her young life. Three little Hower water. Fill your little jars and shade tree by the dogs at Nashua, children came to brighten their home, put it away, for this preparation will N. II., was rescued tlie other day after and for a time they pros|>ered. Then keep indefinitely. All who have tried It had remained In this position for death entered and took tlie oldest it recommend it as one of the best of three whole days. child, after weeks of intense suttering. creams and skin foods. Sark, one of the Channel Islands, has “When I saw that little form lowered a prison that contains four ceils. But to its last resting place, I thought my AN INDIAN LEGEND. In the last live years It has had only cup of sorrow was brimming over and three occupants. Sark has a popula that there was nothing to live for. I The Way Nan-ab-bejii Made the New tion of about 000. Earth After the Flood. While chasing a mouse the other day was wrong, l’olly. I forgot my other “I will tell you the story of Nan-ab- blessings, ami that God had lieen go.si Mme. Delatour of Paris broke through beju. Ile Is the man who made the the floor of her room nnd found In the to me and had left my husband and new earth after the big water came holo a brass box containing gold coins two tables, and I grieved night and and covered it. of the value of $1,000. day for my child who had been taken “Big waters came, and there was Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, a famous away. His death was the beginning nothing anywhere except water and London hostelry, among whose cus of our troubles. My huslamd went the sky and the sun and the stars,” tomers In bygone days were Gold al>out iiis work a gloomy, despondent said the old Chippewa. “Nan-ab-beju smith, Johnston, Boswell, Thackeray man. and I forgot to cheer ami help made a great raft nnd put on It some nnd Dickens, Is to come into the mar brighten his ami the other children’s relic of everything that had l>een on tlie earth specimens of each kind of ket. lives ill my own selfish grief. The Australia has found a new use for crops were a failure, for the army animals, of all the trees, shrubs, plants, tlowers, birds, rocks, and one man and discarded tram cars. Sydney ladles worms visited tlie country and our one woman. In short, lie did not lenve have them painted green and white, hang them with baskets of flowers, home happened to tie in their path, anything except sand. He forgot to train Vreenvrs over the roof and then ami not a blade of grass was left where save some sand, and yet be could not do anything without ft. He sailed out An automobile transportation serv bountiful crops in grain, vegetables fur Into the flood and made a little ice has been recently established In the ami lierries hail stood a few hours l>e- island, very, vary s nail. Then he found Kongo Free State. Coal Is scarce and fore. The fruit trees were stripped of lie had no sand. He made a very big petroleum or gasolino Impossible, and their leaves and fruit, and our prosper line, longer than hundreds of deer it was found necessary to use wood ous and fertile little farm Itsiked like a skins cut up into ribbons and tied to for fuel. Tlie machine makes twelve cyclone had struck it. It was a pic gether, and he took a muskrat off the miles an hour and has the capacity of a ture of desolation. raft and tied the Hue to It and threw ton. It Into the water. The frightened rat utilize them as afternoon tea rooms. dove down and down, ami when there We mortgaged the farm to get A Somersworth (N. II.) woman re was no longer any pulling at the line cently found in the family Bible $15 money to start in anew after the army Nan-ab-beju knew the rat was at the In bills which, Judging from the dates worms had taken everything. Heaven tsittom of the sea. Then he la-gati to of the bills, must have been concealed pity any one who is coni|>elled to place pull the line up. At the end of It came in the book about a century. They a mortgage oil their home ; nine times the poor muskrat, stone dead.drowned. were among tho first paper Issues of out of ten they lose it. They had bet But Nan-ab-beju saw that the little the United States government ter make tlie people a present of it in black paws of the animal were clench One of the funniest consequences of the beginning. We could not even ed as If there was something In their young Alfonso's visit to England la pay the interest, and it was not long palms and that the rat held tight bold the birth of tho "hidalgo" hat, a tnodl- until we were compelled to give up the of even after death. The little paws were forced open, and In them were fled Spanish turban with which modish home we loved ami had worked so hard found half a dozen grains of sand. One Englishmen are beginning to deck their heads, Although distinctly more for. Willi stiearning eyes we pucked grain would have been enough for the suitable for winter, It makes a gallant our household etlects into our wagon great Nan-ab-beju. "Nan-ab-beju blew his breath on the and drove to a little place we had appearance. muskrat, and its life came back to it. Torrey and Alexander admit that rented, and commenced life anew. Then he mixed the sand in the little their revival campaign In London was What a hard struggle we had ! Then, island that he had made and blew on a failure, nnd Dr. Torrey remarked In just as we liegan to see our way clear, that also. As he blew and blew it a recent nddress there, “I suppose it the hardest blow of all came. 1 had swelled nud swelled until it was so big would be safe to say that during the driven over to a neighbor’s ranch, a that Nan-ab-beju could not see the Inst year there have not been five per- couple of miles away to get my hus sides or end of It in any direction. sons definitely converted in any one band, who had been assisting him in Nan-ab-beju was not quite certain church or chapel lu Loudon." whether be had made It as big as the New York alone has 024 libraries. harvesting his grain. On our return old earth before the big water came, we found our house in flames. With a with 0,079,Sti3 volumes; Massachusetts, ne had to make It as big as it had G24 libraries, with 7,010,904 volumes; ery I shall never forget, my husband been—so big, in fact, that no man or Pennsylvania, 401 libraries, with 4,580,- sprang out of the wagon and rushed creature could find the end of It. He 812 volumes. These three states have into the burning house to rescue tlie had plenty of animals that could travel about 30 per cent of the libraries and children. The next moment the roof over the earth aud find out how big It 40 tier cent of the number of volumes fell in. That was tlie last I ever saw was. so he decided to take two huge reported for the whole United States. of my husband and babies. The buffaloes off the raft and send them tc Russia has probably the most curious neighbors, who Saw the flames for see whether there was any end to what tax In tlie world. It Is called the miles around, came hurrying to my he had made. The buffaloes ran off “amusement tax” and was Instituted a assistance, but it waa Um late. Only with all speed, and Nan-ab-beju sat year ago to found an Institution for the charred bodies of those who had down and waited. In a few days the the poor tinder file title of the "Em buffaloes came back and said they bad press Marie Foundation.” The tax Is las’ll dearer than life to me were found. found the end of the earth. So Nan-ab- laid upon every amusement ticket sold, I went into brain fever and no one beju blew nud blew and blew on the and the managers Increase the price thought I would live. But my time ground again, and It swelled so fast accordingly. had not come—my work was not fin that you coukl see It broadening. Wheu A block of granite weighing over ished here, and slowly I came back he had blowu until be was tired be 800,000 pounds, flat on top and with into life and health. How I regretted took a crow off the raft and sent It tc clean breaks on two sides, has been that my summons had not come while see If It could find the end of the found near Woodbury, Vt Three bun 1 waa so ill, so that I could have jollied earth. The crow was gone a very long dred feet north la seen the ledge from my loved ones. How bitter I was for time, but at last It came sailing back which tlie block broko away. The two on the wind and said It had flown till It are on about the same level, but be- a time, and how black wierything was tired out and there was no sign of tween them rises a barrier of granite looked to nte. Then the thought that any end to the earth. fifteen feet high. Local geologists are has helped me over so many thorny "Nan-ab-beju, to make sure, blew trying to figure out what natural places came to me me one day—how again and swelled the earth a great causes brought about the shift In the milch worse it might have been. They deni bigger. Then he untied and un position of the block. could have been so badly burned that caged and untrapped all the animals It has been discovered that tlie Judgo they would have lingered in agony for and drove them from the raft on to the ■has 03 4;-,A :vic>n -uvHk-r the Vennont day*. As it waa their sutlerings were ><.ad uml loft ihem free to roam where liquor law and that be Is bound to sen they might He took all the trees, tence a convicted seller for a cert tin over in a few minutes and they were plants, bushes and shrubs and planted at rest. I, alone, was left to l>ear the length of time for each offense. Wil them around, and be blew the grass liam Caulstone wns recently convicted bqrden of sorrow, and I waa thankful out of tils hands as hard as he could on twenty-five counts iu* Bennington liiai lily dear ones did not nave to live blow it, so that It scattered all over county, and It was figured that be was through the agony that was my bitter Next he let loose all th* birds and bee tn a fair way to get a sentence of sixty- imrtion. How ho|>eiess and how black tles and bugs and snakes and toads one yenrs. When he discovered this it all seemed for a time, and yet, it and butterflies, and finally be Invited fact he -took "leg ball' I” and left hl* might have lieen worse. Von will find the man aud woman, both Cblppewsys, bondsmen to settle with the law. to go ashore nml make the naw earth Joseph W. Wilson of Springfield, it so every time, Polly, if you will only- their huntiug grouud. And Nan-ab Mass., has a whip which Is a work of stop and think about it; things cau be beju's task was done.”—St. Nicholas. art. It was the first whip made by worse, and if you )<s>k almut you, you Surf Bathing; Abroad. Clinton Canuon of Wakefield after he will see the truth of this every day. Unlike Americana. Englishmen pre bad finished his apprenticeship. It Is My life lias never been a flowery or a an ordinary coach whip of one piece of very happy one, except for the few fer to have their surf bath before whalebone, with a piece of Ivory set years of my married life when we were breakfast. They slip out of their moms and into the surf as a sort of In the butt. The whole butt Is studded with Ivory to make It have the appear all together. We can always And duty and prefer a buff bath, or oue ance of blackthorn. The whip waa some one else worse oil' than ourselves, without the incumbrance of a bathing never used, but has been In the pos if we will only lake the trouble to fook suit, if they can be permitted to enjoy session of the Cannon family since It around. I am going to keep faith and It. With them the bath, even in the was made in IS42. li<q>e alive in my heart, and look ou breakers. Is more of a duty than a pas the bright side, for I have seen enough time, as it Is with the French and frnuhrd. Americans. Neither do the people of "Really—er" - stammered the gissip of the shadows and depths of sorrow. continental Europe enjoy the pleasure* Do the liest you can and live up to the who bad bee » caught red hatch'd, "I’m of the surf with the same avidity as afraid y >u oveftieard what I ■ aid iibfot Golden Itule. It is a good religion to ranrks the surWnier day along the you. Perhupf»—er -1 wns n bit too se live up to, atid it is comforting and American const. There Is more or less vere" — consoling. of custom or fashion to dictate to the “Oh, no,” replied the other woman. temporary dwellers along the seashore "Yon weren't nearly so severe as yon I have noticed, too, that it will not would have Irccn if you knew what I do to air your disappointments, or He that will keep a monkey should think of yeti “ M br®kg>- Selden. carry your troubles to others. People pay for the 9 * HUMOR OF THE HOUR . Fteusv. 1 here Is < youug woman up *1 the lu Wall street. Broux who has a He calls three times each week and vow s she Is the ealy g|ri ever even looks at. She belief.* him, or, rather, did t>elleve him antll the other day, '■when she called hltu up on the phone. "I'll disguise my voice,” she *g gled as she picked up the retxiver, “and jolly the dear boy along." There was a buzzing over the wtr% aud the next minute »he heard his fa miliar voice at the other Bid. “Hello! Is that you, George?” she asked in a different voice. And George responded: “Why, yes, you Uttle darling, of course It's me. What do you say to going over to the leach for supper this eveuii.g? Yea, 1 got your note. Say, Gruce"— There was a sharp click, and the voice was interrupted. The young wo man In the Broux had dropped the re ceiver and turned pale. Her name was Katharine.—New York Globe. Hl* llemnrkable Memory. "Excuse me,” said tlie absentminded professor, "ti*it haven't we met before? Y’our face Is strangely familiar.” "Yes,” answered the young lady, “our hostess introduced us just before dinner.” "All, yes,” rejoined the professor. "1 was positive I bud seen you some where. I never forget a face."—De troit Tribune. Open to an Engagement. “Little boy,” said the teacher of the class, “do you Intend to come to Sun- day school regularly?” “I guess so, ma’am," answered the urchin with the cropped head and the soiled face, with some hesitation, “Is dere anything lu It 'sides de plctur’ cards and de. picnic?”—Chicago Trib- Tte* UrMl Frists Dttsss Ws* Tsll vl Misstelel ss4 Cteffrlcs. “Wild animals have a great many teas ».of shuwlug their contempt fot huiuaukiud,” said aB artist who has made a specialty of modeling auiuiaia. “Every oue has an idea that ele- pliants beeimie tame and even fund of piaiple, but this ts altogether wrong. They are easily trained, but are never tamed. They are docile Just so long ffs the keejier has his goad lu bls baud or the memory of a burulug endures. 1 had proof of this oue day while model lug oue of the elephant* lu a big ani mal show. I was sitting lu his stall, with my molding staud, uot knowing that ou certain days he was giveu au extra allowance of chain. Suddenly be flung his trunk around with such force that It smashed the stand to bits and seut me a dozeu feet outside the stall. "He never forgot his failure to finish me, and soon afterward he expressed his dislike lu a more vulgar If less dan gerous manner. As I worked I beard him make a loud sucking noise, but suspected nothing At last when he bad tils mouth quite full of saliva he blew It toward me. “This Is not ouly a trick of elephants, but of other anlmuls as well, as I have learned to my sorrow. Camels have the same habit, and while working near a camel one day 1 was treated to a shower of finely ehewed cud.” This sculptor and other artists agree thnt the eat animals have a different mode of attack. There seems less of spite and more of real hate lu their method. Sculptors usually place their modeling stands as close to the bars as possible. This same one was once working close to a tiger's cage, with the beast inside lying very quiet, ap parently asleep. Without even raising bls eyeballs the big cut struck be tween tlie bars with his heavy forepaw, splintering the stand and sending the clay lm wads on the floor. The artist, warned by a sixth sense developed by those who are much about animals, bad Jumped back Just In time to ea- cape.—New York Herald. No prtma douua was ever more de lightfully capricious, more full of mis chief, than the fatuous Mme Mallbran. At the rehearsals of "Romeo sud Ju liet" she could never mske up ber uilud where she wss to “die" st night. It wras important fur Romeo to know, but all be could get was “not sure." "don't kuow,” "can't tell,' or “it will be Just as It happens, according to uiy humor, sometlmea lu oue place, some Oinee in another." On one occasion she chose to "die" close to the foot lights, her companion, of course, being compelled to “die" beside ber, aud thus, when the curtain fell, a couple of footmen bad to carry the pair off, one at a time, to the intense amusement of the audience John Templeton, the fine old Scottish tenor, was probably never so miser able aa when be was cast to slug with Mallbran Very often she was dis pleased with his performance, and oue evening she whispered to him, "You are not acting properly; make love to me better,” to which, so It ts said, Templeton innocently replied, "Dou't you know I am a married man?" Evi dently the lady did uot think there was anything nerlous In the elrcutu stance, for not long afterward, whet) in “Somnámbula” she was ou her knees to Templeton as Elvluo, she suc ceeded tn making the tenor scream with suppressed laughter when be should have been singing by tickling him vigorously under the arms. GIOTTO, THE ARTIST. The Circle He Drew From Which Grew a Famon* Thrace. blotto was a famous painter, sculp tor and architect of the latter part of the thirteenth century. He was a son of a poor shepherd, but the attention of the great master, Clmabue, having been attracted to the boy by a draw ing the lad had made on a fragment of slate, the young artist's fame spread rapidly throughout southern Europe. In those days It was customary for the jiopes to send for the noted men of their realm, more for the purpose of gratifying their desires to see such celebrities than anything else. Giotto wns no exception to the rule. No sooner had the young Tuscan become famous than Pope Boniface VIII. in vited him to Florence. When young Giotto arrived at the gates of the pope's private grounds, according to the account, the guard halted him and Inquired concerning his mission. The artist made the matter plain, but the guard was not satisfied with the explanation, frequently interrupting Giotto’s explanatory remarks with, "I know ho must t>e a much larger and distinguished looking person than your self.” and "Giotto, too, is a famous painter. By your walk I would take you to be a shepherd.” Finally, upon demanding evidence of the artist's skill, the latter stooped and traced 4 perfect O hi the dust of the path with his finger. Any one who has ever at tempted the feat of drawing n perfect circle "offhand" well knows how diffi cult It Is. It is needless to add that the artist was forthwith ushered Into the pres ence of the supreme pontiff, and that since that time "Rounder than Giotto’s O" has been a favorite hyperbole to In dlcate "impossible perfection.” “Is it true that you are engaged to that young widow?' "Not at tlie present writing. Wo were engaged, but I broke It off.” "Aren't you afraid she will bike it to heart?” "No, but I’m afraid she will take it to court.” An Exception. “I don't seem to be able to make you understand.” said the professor of physics, "that heat always ascends and cold descends.” "Well.” replied the bright boy, "how is It when I get tn}’ feet cold and wet the cold always settles In my bead?”— New York Life. A Poor Thrower, “She was just crazy to marry him, although she knew be didn't really love her, and now see the result He treats her with contempt.” "That’s Just a woman's bad alm. She threw herself at his bead and landed at his feet.” — Philadelphia Press. said Meandering Mike, “did about de kind lady up In dat left a fortune to feed money wasted,” answered Pete. “What ails us ain't It's thirst.” — Washington Fahrenheit. “How did tlie Boston girl strike you?” "She struck me as being about thir ty-two." “Thirty-two years?” “No; degrees.” — Woman’s Home Companion. Too Ope*. "Do you like an open countenance ou n person?” "I thought I did till my mother-in- law made us a visit.”—Houston Post Shirring ¡'opnlnr. Shirring on heavy cords Is a favorite mentis of trimming simple gowns and even when used on handsomest cos tumes Is very effective. HftrmleM. Bell—Did that anonymous note wor ry you? Nell- Oh, no. It was from Jack. He always writes them when we have a falling out—Detroit Free Press. The Sea Serpewt. Tales grow In the telling. We all must agree. The tall that grows fastest. It wemeth to me. Is that of the serpent That lives In the sea. —Cleveland Plain Dealer. Otee Good. “You say he Is a financial wreck Then why Is’It that he appears so happy?" "Well. I guess bls credit's so poor that he 'can't even borrow trouble.”— Cleveland Leader. Before the CereMHtay. Rural Groom Sue an' I can’t see no reason why we shouldn’t get along when we're married. Tlie Magistrate- Well. I Just marry folks add don't ex press any opinions New York Press. I The Hon. Jacob 8. Galloway, Judge of the probate court of Shelby county, ami the Hon. West Laughlin, who suc ceeds him as Judge of section four of the circuit court, where divorce eases are trii-d, were talking of the divorce evil. "I am lieginnlng to believe,” said Judge laiughlin, "that it Is the careless ness consequent upon ownership of each other that Is responsible for most divorces.” “No, no, my friend,” replied the ex pert lu these matters. "My experi ence runs tbrougli many years, ami I am thoroughly convinced that there are Just two tilings that break up most marriages.” “And they are?” queried Judge Langhlin. "And they are,” answered Judge Gal loway, "woman’s love for dry goods nnd man's fondness for wet goods." — Memphis Commercial-Appeal. Profesttor Wentworth and John J. SPECIALISM IN LA* the lolU'Uor and (tee Barrister la Our i’a'uvtice. lu thia country nearly «very, student admitted lu the bar is under the ini- pre Mian that there h in him the more thau possibility of a great trial lawyer Having read account* of brilliant cross examinations and successful addresses to Juries, he has in mind that he is eu tlrely competent at the outset to try the most complicated and difficult cause Unfortunately as to rnauy who are not qualified for that work It Is only after very many years and after loualderaltle exj>erieiicv at the expense of litigants aud the public. If at all, that they ascertain that they have uot the peculiar aptitude necessary to the successful trial lawyer, lu the uieau time not ouly have clients suffered, "but the business of tlie courts bus been re- tank'd to a very serious extent by the lack of adaptability on the part of the practltlouer as well as by lack of ex ¡lerieuce, sluce It Is Impossible that ev ery man admitted to the bar shall have tlie opportunity to try a sufficient num ber of causes to give him the degree of experience requisite lu order to obtain the t>est results. Sooner or later lu the Interest of the clients aud to save the time and pa tlence of the courts there must be lu this country a natural division be tween the labor of the solicitor and the duty of the barrister, uot artificial or couventioual. but oue which shall grow up from the nature of the case, by which certain men who are t>est quali fied for the trial of causes will carry BITS FROM THE WRITERS. on tbut work to the practical exclusion of those without special adaptability The simple life does not need lentils for that class of business. Iu this, as or cellular clothing. It needs those in every other direction, the specialist rarer things, gratitude and humility.— must find his place.—Green Bag. G. K. Chesterton. Bbe wore far too much rouge last THE GRAVE OF ELIA. night and not quite enough clothes. That Is always a sign of despair In a Holton'* Effort to Find the Tonite of woman.—“Sebastian Melnioth.” t'bnrles l.nmb. Keep your head on your shoulders. Hutton's "Literary Landmarks of It's bound to rest on some one else's Loudon” was largely a labor of love occasionally. Still, keep It mostly on and was tlie result of years of hard your own —"A Pagan's Love,” by Con work. Mr. Hutton gives tills example stance Clyde. of the difficulties that stood in his way: If you feel that you’ve really got to "Another Sunday afternoon 1 devoted tell a secret, go somewhere where It's to a pious pilgrimage to the grave of dark an' you'll be alone. Tbeu keep Charles Lamb at Edmonton. As usual, your mouth shut.—“The Middle Wall,” nolxsly at Edmonton knew any thing by Edward Marshall. The churchyard Is not a small one, uu.l Not that marriage Is so beautiful, but It Is entirely filled. The sexton and the it Is necessary a girl should find that gravedigger and a few persons wan out for herself, so that she can turn ber dering about could give me no Infor mind peacefully to other things.—"A mation. Most of them bad never heard Pagan’s Love.” by Constance Clyde. of Mr. Lamb, and I could not find the sacred spot. Naturally 1 applied to tlie When Editing Was Easy. rector, and as he left the vestry door An aged Hartford man was talking after service leaning on the arm of a about the late General Joseph II. Haw pretty young woman 1 approached ley. him, raised my hat and asked politely “1 remember well,” he said, "the time If he could tell me where Chalies and when General Hawley was an editor Mary Lamb were resting Really he In this town. 1 remember a story about could not say! Aud 1, forgetting the editing that he told at a banquet fifty day, the place aud his sacred office, years ago. cursed that rector for his criminal igno “The man who introduced General rance. Hawley began by saying that editors " 'Great heavens,' I said, ‘you ought we.e always up to mischief of one kind to be ashamed of yourself! lu your cure have been placed tlie ashes of one of the foremost men In the whole his tory of English letters. And you don't know where they are! They have made your churchyard and your parish dis tinguished all tlie world over. 1 have come 3,000 miles to visit Charles Lamb's grave, and you, tlie rector of the church, don’t know where It is! You ought to be heartily ashamed of yourself.’ And I turned upon my heel and left him standing there speechless and confounded.” Half an hour after the alsive incident occurred nud while Hutton was grop ing around tlie graveyard In the twi light the rector came to him, bat in hand, apologized most humbly for bis Ignorance, which lie had corrected In the meantime, aud conducted him to the grave of the immortal Elia. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. Dr> Good* and Wet Good*. Still DI>Mtl«ard. “Pete.” you hear Michigan tramps?" "More Plodding hunger. Star. malibran was a tease . animal ANIMUS. W*>* In W telcli 8% 11*1 Brutv* shew Their luulrui»! Fur Mankind. “WHAT DILI YOU MEAN, YOU SCOUNUllEL?" or another. He said there was a Hart ford man who once went to a Hartford editor nnd said Indignantly: “ ‘What did you mean, you scoundrel, by printing my name in your obituary coluu.u this morning?' ” ’Why,’ said tlie editor, 'aren't you dead? I thought you were dead, of course. Don’t you remember promising me last week that if you lived till yes terday you would settle that account of mine?’ ’’—Buffalo Enquirer. Jefferson Nonplused. The late Joseph Jefferson used to say thnt about the most embarrassing ex[»erlence of his life befell him in tlie Mills building, Wall street. New York. While waiting for un elevator oue duy a stout little man wearing a full beard approached and greeted him by name. Mr. Jefferson responded pleasantly, adding: “I know your face jierfeetly, of course, but I can't pla<-e you. I see many faces, and I’m apt to get con fused tn my* study of pbysloguomy." The little, stout, compact stranger smiled as he turned his cigar over In hl* mouth and said. "I’m Gener«J. Grant" Jefferson always declared that be got out at the next lundhig and walked down three flights of stairs to the street for fear he would make him self additionally i-onspleuous by u*k Ing the gentleman If he had ever lieen lu Washington or If be was n veteran of the late war!—Detroit Free Press. The stories told at the expense of Professor Wentworth, commonly known as "Bull” Wentworth, aud for yeurs connected with the Phillips Exe ter academy, are legion. The follow ing. however, 1* one of the best: It was the euetom-mr opvuiog day for eneb Instructor to take the names of the pupils of his classes. “Now,” said Professor Wentworth on one occasion, "I want every boy to give his full name. If your name Is William Henry Smith, say William Henry Smith, aud not W. H Smith nor William II. Smith.” The list was nearly completed satis factorily when the name of John Jay Brown was given. The professor's chance bad eouie, ami he roared out: “John J. Brown! John J. Brown! Will any one tell me how to apel) J?" Multiple Screw*. "Yes, sir," said the boy, "J-a-y." and Multiple screws were used a* early Professor Wentworth laughed with the as the American civil war on certain rest.—Boston Herald. vessels known a* “tin clad«” on the Mlssi»sl;pl, their adoption being nee.) Enough to Kill Io. The Greek room Is usually not a altated by the shallow draft. The great place for humor, nor Is the professor advantage they possess tn securing a of Greek nt tlie College of the City of vessel agalust total disablement and New York a very humorous person. for maueuvertng soon made them the Nevertheless the following Joke waa rule In the navy. They were much sprung on him. The class bad Just re longer In coming into use in the mer turned from the chemistry room, where chant service. But since the era of the they had bravely listened to a dis vary largo transatlantic steamers, be course on the elements. The Greek ginning with the Paris and New York ►«son was commenced with a history and the Teutonic and Majestic, all very of Io and her endless wanderings. Fi large vessels have been built with twin nally Professor Tlsdall asked, "What egrew« did Io die of?” a student who bad been Tbs truly generous Is truly wise, and awakened by the queetlon gasped out, be who loves not others Uvoo unbless 'TodMe of potassium.” ed.- Susie. • > • We never knew any one who did not talk “shop” too much. How you admire the man who catch es you doing a good deed on the sly! What a sorry spectacle a spoiled child is when away from its mother! A whipping never hurts so much as the thought that you are being whipped. Some men are washed of their sins so much that they finally have a faded look. Tell a bad story without names, and every one will have an enemy to attrib ute it to. Ambition dwindles away In time like a cake of soap, and by the time a man Is seventy be can't remember that he ever had any In the tub with him.— Atchison Globe. A Loss Felt Want. Flannery—What’s the matter wld ye. Mike? Finnegan—'Tls near kilt I was be failin' down an open coal bole. Flannery—Well, well, 'tlB too bad they can't Invlnt a coal hole thot'll stay shut whin It's open. — Philadelphia ledger. A Collection or Idiots. “I want to ask for the band of your daughter In marriage,” said the young man. "You're an idiot," said the Irate fa ther. "I know It But I didn't suppose you’d object to another cne tn the fem lly!”—Yonkers Statesman. Ba Bepeataaee. "Sba married In baste and repented at leisure, didn't she?" "She hasn’t repented any that i know of.” "But she la divorced?" “Tea. But she gets $200 a month ali mony.”—Houston Poet Des't Hlsder Others. Next In practical Importance to the being possessed by a purpose of doing something In the world la the being poessssed by the purpose of not binder Ing others In their doing whatever they have to do In the world.—Faith and Works. Bow She Took It. Adolphua Hunt—Don't you think It would bo a noble thing for you to do with your wealth to establish a horns for the feeble minded? Mies Riche— Ob, Mr Hunt, this Is so sudden! aaaariae. The Author-Are yo« unfamiliar with my book? The Friend—I have a nod ding acquaintance with It.—LlM.
