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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (June 29, 1905)
W LINES ' The Simplon tunnel through the Alps has cost $20 for each of its 774.7:i( inches. On the continent of Euro e tlie hn gesi telephone line in 742 nit'e- in leugtl ami runs between Herlin ami I'aris. The government of New South Wale has sanctioned the erection of two state Institutions for the treatment of inebriates without means. The town of Kenneth. Cal.. has no Jail building, so it has put an iron door at the mouth of a mining tunnel and the tunnel makes a roomy and se cure calaboose. Greeks to the number of 1,500 a month laud in New York city. A ma jority of them make their homes there. superseding, or at least rivaling, tin Italians in many minor trades. The modern bullet will pierce tin carcasses of three horses in succession at 550 yards, of four at half the dis tanee. or kill a man after passing through the trunk of a thick tree. Signor Garofalo, the Italian eriminol ogist. reckons that throughout Europe 1UHX) persous are annually condemned for murder and that only one criminal out of three is brought to justice. Tlie longest distance over which speech is regularly transmitted is be tween Boston and Omaha. 1.C.00 miles. A business house in the western city talks daily with its representatives in Boston. Upon tlie spot where, the Grand Duke Serrius was killed was found a largo sappldre that had been torn by the ex plosion out of a ring lie was wearing. The tlames of tlie bomb had turned tlie sappldre black. Tlie new railway that is being built In Arabia will pass close to the rock hewn tomb traditionally believed to bt Aaron's burial place. A burled and long forgotten city was discovered re cently nearby. The remains of some sand that had been carted from Lytic creek into San Bernardino. Cal.. for building purposes yielded $15 worth of gold to a pros pector. whose experienced eye had not ed the metal's glitter as he was pass ing it. One of the strangest of the many strange finds in the famous opal field--In New South Wales was unearthed re cently. It was a fossil shark that had became opalized. Tlie fossil is over three feet long and eighteen inches in circumferonce. A bankrupt wooden box maker re cently stated in a London court that his trade had been ruined by the ad vanec in the price of sugar. Confec tioner and candy manufacturers were economizing by doing without wooden boxes and cases. There are more suicides in Berlin every year than In any other Euro pean city, and the figures show steady increase, growing from 4'M in 1!!i to 020 in V.m. This Is about :t2 for even- lOO.oOo inhabitants. Paris has 2ti. Vienna 23. Home 18 ami London K. Out of 1.151 girls who have grad uated from the University of Michi gan since 1570. when it became a co educational institution, only sixty-live have died. Tlie census death rate foi womankind in general for the same pe rUl of time is LM5 out of every l.OoO. A recent statement that the pro-sent Ivary consumption represents the an mial .slaughter of 2ti.Uoo elephants denied. At least S5 per cent of market ed Ivory conies from the cemeteries tc which the eleHiauts have long resorted ainl much of it may be hundred of years old. I 'ore Chnpet, who recently died at Liege. Belgium, made a gil living h coloring meerschaum pipes. IIi secret was to smoke regularly but very slow ly, uev-r to allow the pipe to get foul or to be subject to drafts or sudden change.- of temperature and never to tiiiok out of doors. The maintenance of safety in the ru rai districts of Cuba and along high ways is Intrusted to the care of the ru ral guard of Cuba, a body of excellent iikh. well mounted and equipped, nuin lriiig a chief. 1C3 ollicers and 2.S5ti men. It is intended to increase the number of men to 4.000. Our heaviest import for 1004 was cof fee valued at $S7,427,!tO. followed by sugar i which has hitherto been first in value, hides, vegetable libers, wool, lumber, fruit, tea. tobacco and oils, no oilier product going over the $lu.nii), mark, although a number, includ ing cocoa and chocolate, came close. The jostmaer general of Great Britain has a .staff under his control Irfgger than the standing British army. The postal system keeps busy from 17.0i"Kl to 1N.000 men and women. The IMothc is among the most profitable enterprises in England. With'an outln of !. mu.uuu it makes a profit of near ly ii.0a.ui). sterling. It appear- that the Turks did not ob J-ct to the sale of P.iblcs !n Macedonia or Argentina, feeling quite sure they will convert no Mussulmans, but they objected to the distribution of Bibles with Inserted pages of revolutionary and seditious matter. All the porte re quires is that the IMbles Khali be gen uine from coer to cover. A the result of a severe illness Mrs. John .1. G ruber of Norrlstown. Pa., lost her voic over a year ago. The other day she was startled to see a neighbor rush past her house whose dress was In Uames Without the least delay Mrs. G ruber rushed to an open window and called loudly for help. She lias been able to speak ever since. The Irish corporations have not been forgetful of the press. The mayor of Cork is the proprietor of a newspaper, the proprietors and editors of the Kil kenny Journal. Drogheda Argus. Tip perary Free Press and Sligo Champion have sears in their respective corpora tions, and the editors of the Freeman. Register and Nation are in the Dublin corporation Enrllont Nevrpnper. The first daily newspaper was a manuscript letter written by salaried correspondents and forwarded by them every twenty-four hours from London to the provinces. That was in the days of the early Stuarts. During the Com monwealth these letters were printed In type and circulated In lnrgo num bers. Even ko long ago as 1GS0 the law of libel was such as to be charac terized by Judge Scroggs as making any newspaper publication illegal and tending to provoke a breach of tlie peace. WOMAN AND FASHION Morulnu; Jnoket. This charming design for a dressing sack is ad.ipted to a variety of ma terials, although, as here pictured, it was developed ir. pale blue china silk, accordion plaitel. The garment Is shaped by shoulder and underarm seams, and gathers In the upper part of CU.UWIXO DItnsSINO SACK. the front afford sullicient fullness. The mode is distinguished by a deep cape collar trimmed with lace insertion and finished by n frill of lace. The elbow sleeves are trimmed with two deep ruf tles of the silk, further elaborated by bauds of Insertion and lace frills, as Is also the lower edge of the Jacket. If accordion plaited material is not de sired other fabrics, such as cashmere, tlannel, silk, dimity and lawn, could be used. The medium size requires three and three-eighths yards of thirty-six Inch material. Selecting: n lint. Alas for the woman with a promi nent nose! Here is tlie worst of trou bles with which to contend in the choosing. Many a charming shape wliich she covets must be laid by In favor of an other of more friendly contour. Her hats must avoid severe outline and must be worn well forward so that the prominent feature will seem propor tionately insignificant. The other extreme Is foun 1 in tlie woman whose nasal extreniltj Is very tla: or small. She must not wear too large a hat nor one which projects too obtrusively, for her nose will retire lu ine--e proportion to her exaggerated liea. ; .ir. I "or her the best shape will be ! medium or less than medium size, with small tlowers. hort ostrich tips or small bows of ribbon. Huge picture hats must never bi worn by girls with small faces even If tin ir tigurc aiv sufficiently tall and slight to carr them. 1.1 ii en Pnnifcol. The linen parasols are new and will doubt le-s enjoy great popularity for a flue. Heavy Iim.u is used for the more practical sort, and they are embroider ed in i ry oneli lai terns or lu padded embroidery, exactly like the linen gou ns and wraps. The lighter models are made like lingerie waists, very much trimmed with lace and embroid ery. I-Yw f them are lined and. al though very pretty to look at, cannot be of much use in keeping the sun off. A 1). .!:! hi,- Model. Such simple costumes as this one made of silks of the lighter, softer sort. a v.-e'l ii of the many chiffon wool materials, will be greatly in vogue dur ing the entire spring and summer and an :ilw:.ys desirable. The model shows uat'tr.t! colored pongee, with collar and culls of lace, and Is exceedingly smart. SIMPLE HUM M Kit COSTl'ME. but the material is to be found in vari ous colors, wh Ie the variety afforded 1 bv suitable fabrics is almost unlimited. Invisible checks and small plaids form ed by varying shades of one color be ing peculiarly smart. Roth waist and skirt are box plaited for their entire length, so giving long and slender lines to the figure, while the fullness be tween can be either shirred or tucked. Tor the me Hum size will be required for waist 5 yards 21 Inches, 4 yards 27 Inches, or 2 5-8 yards 44 Inches wide: for the skirt 11 yards 21 Inches, 10 yards 27 inches, or 5U yards 44 Inches wide, with three-fourths yard of silk for belt. I'urndoxlcnl. Smith You remember Muggins, who used to bore us with his long winded stories? Jones Yes. What of him? Smith lie was arrested yesterday for j being shore In his accounts. Chicago News. A Fort a no Hnnter. Miranda Yes, mamma, Mr. Fargoln knows thai: my face Is all tho fortune J I possess. Bertie (the terrible) Yoh, mamma, and when I sneaked Into the room he was trying his level best to get nt her fortune. Pittsburg Dispatch. jTSf F0K ART'S 'By 17.0LA MERRIFIELD CajHtbt, 1904, by txola Mtrrifitld It was nobody's fault but her own. Whenever trouble came a-knocking at Phillppa's door all kind friends raised hands of innocence to the skies and de clared thankfully that It was nobody's fault but her own. "lie had no earthly right to raise his hat and smile when I met him in the elevator." "He had every right in the world," contradicted Elizabeth calmly. "If I had been in his place I should have come right down and called on you aft er you had acted like a lovelorn lunatic. Plppa." "It was not lunacy. It was inspira tlon," Phlllppa half turned from tin piano to argue. "You weren't in fin studio at the time, Beth, and you d.cit know a blessed thing about it. I wasn't even practicing. I was cleaning up." Elizabeth smiled. She had seen Phi lippa's cleaning up pro-. it meant the hustling of everything dis rdcr;. out of sight, tinder the dhan. l.dfijd the wardrobe, anywhere at all. s lona as it was unseen. "And he sang my pet duet frun I! Trovatore.' Beth, it was spVndid You poor, old heathen, you don't ap preciate music a bit. All you can tin derstand are a few oily, dauby daub, or a pen and ink sketch, but if you bad only heard him" "If I had heard h:m I don't think that I should have down to the win dow anil warbled back an answer up a New York air shaft." "I don't care." Phillppa's tone was lofty and her attitude belligerent. "I didn't can a rap about him personally, and I hadn't the slightest idea what he looked like, hut the voice was divine. It was the voice of Manrico calling, and Leonora answered it for art's sake." "Well, Leonora had better attend to her cleaning up and mind her own business. Nov.. sh. hasn't any cause for complaint at all. because Manrico raises his hat to her in the elevator an 1 says 'II iwd. V in neighborly fashion. Arc you sure it was Manrico V" "Oh. is. He looks it." Philippa spoke, wirh vague enthusiasm. "And i Lafayette says that he is the new one . in the studio oer ours." "Well, you had better send Lafayette a in i;e pnuteii sup to post up m ms elevator: 'Students may sing grand opera duets through the air shaft, but any promiscuous greetings in elevator will be followed by eviction.' " "I suppose thu poor fellow was so amazed and delighted when he saw J how completely 1 fulfilled his Ideal of j Leonora that he lost his presence of mind." Philippa could be as sweetly, i simply and contentedly vain as Narcls- j sus among the water lilies. ; "Presence of mind is never lost." ! Elizabeth added a high light daintily to the left eye of an Italian fruit vend- j cr on tlie canvas ucTorc tier. "It is mislaid. As long as he didn't lose Ids heart he needn't worry." Philippa laughed and ran her lingers teasingly over tlie piano keys. "I think he is worrying," she said. But there were no more duets through the air shaft. If the occupant of studio fi, on tlie third floor, happened to be practicing her trills and quavers the occupant of studio 17, on the fourth floor, sat by his open window and lis tened, and when a full, rich tenor float ed down from studio 17 Philippa would tiptoe to the window and listen also and be glad and proud in a way, lie cause somewhere In the golden tomor rows of hope success lay snugly and surely tucked awaj' for the tall, brown eyed boy who dared to greet Leonora in the elevator. He had "dared' only once. Long after even Elizabeth deigned to bow a comradely good day to him 'Philippa passed on her own way, a slim, arro gant, blond young person in gray vel vet and squirrel furs. Elizabeth pre served a graceful posture on the neu tral fence. Warring factions were not in her line, but when she was sending out Invitations for tlie monthly Dutch picnic in studio 5 she did not think it amiss to scud one up to studio 17. Philippa was passing club sand wiches when Bobble Clarksou Intro duced her to the tall, brown eyed boy. She did not drop the tray. She merely smiled most graciously and asked if Mr. Eliot liked club sandwiches made of n celestial combination of chicken snlad, chopped almonds, olives, deviled ham and tabasco sauce. It appeared that Mr. Eliot did. In fact, he paced after the dispenser of celestial sandwiches all around the studio in a deliberate, determined, man overboard fashion, most disconcerting to tlie dispenser, until he finally cor nered her In the Japanese alcove and forcibly finished up the remaining sandwiches himself. "And he never even said a word about the duet," Philippa answered Inter when she sat. like a Hindoo Idol, in a pink kimono on the bed and thoughtfully reviewed tlie evenlnjr. "He's a gentleman and a scholar, and Bobbie says he's all right; solid, old Maryland family and nil that sort of tiling; first name's Marhury Mnrbury Eliot. He has only been lu New York a couple of months, ami he doesn't like It very well. He thinks It's lone some. He says we're conservative and clannish.'' "There's a good remedy. Tell him to be a clam unto himself." Phlllppa hled a pillow at the scoff er. "Goose!" she said. "Can't you see? He wants to belong to my clan. I'm going to the Czarga concert with him tomorrow." "See? Of course I see." quoth Eliza beth. "One Philippa Yates, founder of tlie Society For the Prevention of Lonesomeiiess to Strangers In New York, providing said strangers are gen tlemen and .scholars, from solid old families, and can sing duet" and eat club sandwiches for art's sake. I see the end." But Philippa only smiled and was si lent. It had been a most entertaining and interesting twenty minutes spent :.. lut.iuifse corner,. Oun's oint of ! view on life lu general may alter con siderably even in twenty minutes. It was two weeks after the Czarga concert. Philippa came out of the Metropolitan Opera House as Eliot swung up Broadway. It had begun to snow at sundown, and there was tlie lull in traffic that comes on the great white way between dinner time and the hour when the curtain rises. She was tucking a couple of "II Trova tore" tickets into her hand bag when he greeted her. "They're for liclh and me," she told him happily. "Wo live on strawberry jam and crackers when the opera Is in full blast. Do you know I never go there but 1 wonder when my turn will come, don't you?" He did not answer her directly. They had crossed to the Sixth avenue elevated and were walking along be side Bryant park to the station be fore lie spoke to her. "I am going home tills week to spend Christmas with my mother In Mary land, and before I go" A vagrant wind swept down upou them, and Phlllppa bent her head side ways to avoid Its sting. As she did so her eyes met his in one swift glance. She was not smiling now. ner face was aglow with a curious, half fright ened expectancy. "Let's hurry." she said. "It's so cold." lie stopped short where only an au dience of sleepy cab horses could listen. "Before I go I want to know if I may tell her that next year you will go home with me." Cab horses are very discreet. They did not even hear the answer. "But It won't happen until next Christmas, of course," Philippa ex plained over a cup of Ceylon In the studio that evening. "Until Manrico has won fame anrw fortune singing to his ladylove at the Metropolitan?" asked Elizabeth. Philippa stirred in another lump of sugar demurely. "Oh. Marhury doesn't sing at nil, Beth." she said. "That was his room mate. Orahame Moore, who sang the duet with me. Marhury is an artist." And Elizabeth, after one long look of enlightenment, smiled In fashion wise. "For art's sake," she said severely. "Fudge!" THE HUMAN NOSE. Kneln nml C'oimnentK Aliont Thin Most Clinrncterlntic Peatnre. A nose which In any way suggests our ape-Ilke ancestors, whether snub, flattened or abnormally small, la deemed ugly. Generally speaking, the long nose belongs to the people of Eu rope, whereas the negroes and Mongo lians have short noses. With the Eskl- 1 mo the nose Is said to be In many cases so flat that a ruler might be placed so ' as to rest upon both cheeks without I touching it. In the man the muscles of j the nose have little flexibility except j about the nostrils, which visibly dilate I and contract under the Influence of ; passion. Mantegazza has remarked that among civilized people the nose Is nearly nl ways deflected toward the right, which he attributes to the custom of wiping the nose with the right hand. Leonardo da Vinci discovered that there were over ten different varieties of nose seen In profile and eleven when looked at In front. Charles Blanc considered the nose the most characteristic fea ture of tlie face and recommended la dles to regulate the style of their dress with reference to its shape, and Lava tor went so far as to assert that a beautiful noae was worth more than n kingdom; that it is never associated with an ugly face. International Quar terly. RED AND GRAY SQUIRRELS. The .'Mil It's of I!oth Specie Are In- corrigible KlKhtera. A very quarrelsome disposition has the chickaree, or American red squir rel, and there are continual fights be tween it and Its cousin tlie gray squir rel. Those tights seldom end In a de cided victory for either side. The males of both species are Incorrigible light ers. It is no unusual sight to see a couple of red or gray squirrels come tumbling from some lofty limb so lock ed in each other's embrace as to appear almost like one animal. Though the shock of striking the ground separates them, it is for a mo ment only. They immediately clinch again and continue to roll over and over, fighting fiercely until one breaks away, only to be followed by the other, who keeps up a running light for some distance until he feels certalu that he has so punished the conquered one that he will not dare return. Bed squirrels by the.r greater agil ity and quickness can worst a gray squirrel every time in a running fight, but let them once come to a clinch and the superior size and weight of the gray squirrel are bound to tell. Chica go News. OUR IGNORANCE. Tlint It In Very Ilcnl the ThluKn We Don't Know Prove. After all arc we not still ignorant of much which we feel we ought to understand? Apnrt from the great laws of electricity, light and heat, about which we know something, but certainly not all, are we not almost hopelessly Ignorant of some of the laws which govern the lives of animals? Do we know, for Instance, what Is the law which makes it possible for a bee car ried five or six miles from her home, blind In a dark box, to find her way back to the hive? What Is the sense exorcised by the antennae of the vir gin mot li which, set out In a muslin box on a lawn, attracts suitors from woodlands scattered away In all the country round? What Is tlie attraction felt or choice decided upon by the tendril of the climbing plant which turns aside from tlie smooth wall to catch at and wrap round the nail or the ledge or the projection which Is to help it upward? All that Is unknown, hardly even guessed nt, and if there Is so great an ignorance of what can be seen, Is It logically to be argued that there is not a greater ignorance of what Is unseen? One tiling nt least is certain the reality of that ignorance. London Spectator. All the performances of human art at which we look with praise or wonder are instan:es of the resistless force of perseverance. Johnson. NEW SHORT STORIES Frnzier'H Grandmother. When James B. Frasier. the newly elected senator from Tennessee, was engiged in one of his early political campaigns he adopted the policy of Ingratiating himself with his audiences by remarking on the personal ties ex isting between them.' Down nt Chat tanooga he addressed a meeting of Germans and referred to the fact that one of his grandmothers was a Ger man. A few days later he spoke to the Irish-Americans and told how another grandmother had come from the Em erald Isle, where she spoke the Irish brogue and fished In tlie lakes of Kll larney. To the Hungarians he told how another grandmother was closely re lated to Louis Kossuth. His meetings were largely attended, and his fame as an orator spread. The "HOSS, I WAS A IjITTIjE disapp'inted." colored Democracy extended an Invita tion to the stalwart young orator, and he accepted. The negro loves flattery even when laid on with a trowel. Fra zler knew this and began his oration with a reference to the history of Af rica as the cradle of civilization. He spoke of the beauty of the daughters of African Egypt, of Cleopatra and of the queen of Sheba. He lauded the pharaohs, Hannibal and that "queen of Abyssinia who once dictated terms of peace to Augustus Caesar." When he was through an old darky congratulated him and said: "Boss, dat sholy was a fine speech. Every nigger what hears It will vote wld de Dimer crats. But, boss, I was a little disap p'inted. I been hearin' all you speech es, and I was 'specllu' to hear yo' say one of yo' gran'mas was a cullud lady." New York Times. A C'onfrreHMmnn'H Urenlc. Occasionally an awfully bad break Is made by members of congress, and not Infrequently Ignornntly so. A few years ago the Chicago district was rep resented by a really good man whose first name was Frank. He was not as highly educated as a member of con gress should be, but he thought he knew a very great deal. One day he sauntered Into the press gallery and told the scribes that he had been on n visit to a certain place over lu Mary land, where his eldest daughter was at sch.iol. "I understand that It Is a most ex cellent educational Institution." said the late Eugene Speer. "That's what It Is," answered the congressman, "and I don't think I ever saw a more 'decollate' affair In all my life. It Is the very place to glvo young girls a good education." The scribes went out one by one and braced up at the "Carry Nation." which then dispensed the fluid unmolested In the basement. Washington Post. When Klpllnnr VInited Qua?. When Hucynrd Kipling was In this country he was commissioned to write Impressions about the chief political boss of the United States. Senator Quay. KIpliug went to Beaver and called on tlie senator, whom ho found, as was usual, In his library. The talk was about books. In n short time, so It seemed to the British writer. Mrs. Quay came in, nnd after Mr. Kipling had been presented she urged him to stay to tea. Kipling stayed, and after tea he and the senator returned to the library, which was such a one as he did not expect to find In any homo In America. More talk about books fol lowed until, to Mr. Kipling's amaze ment, the clock struck 11. Then, mind ful of his commission, ho. made ar rangements to call again the next day. Going to the telegraph office. Kipling wired his publishers something like this: "Unable to find tlie boss politician, but If you want It will write Impres sions about the best literary critic In America." San Francisco Call. Only TeBBlnff. A baud from Georgia, It was snid, furnished the one really humorous In cident of the inaugural parade, says the New York Times. As It turned from Fifteenth street Into the Court of Honor to pass in review before tho president it struck up the familiar strain of "Dixie." It was a big band, and It played forte. As the musicians approached the president's stand the thousands about wondered If perhaps there were not Intended significance In this, perhaps a rebuke for Roosevelt's southern policy, perhaps but Just as the president was reached the baud broke "Dixie" off in the middle nnd took up a little more quietly "Teasing, Teasing, I Was Only Teasing You." The crowd caught on. Like a Whale. "You cannot keep me down," shout ed the great orator at a public meet ing; "though I may be pressed below tlie waves I rise again. You will find that I come to the surface, gentlemen." "Yes," said an old whaler In the au dience, "yon come to the surface to blow." Thin people should bathe as often ns possible in warm water. Warm water is absorbed by the skin more readily than cold. CHOICE MISCELLANY Milk Adulteration. During the year 1P04. ITM&i persons lied in the metropolis. Of these 2L'jr2 were under two years old. Health Commissioner Darlington says that one-half of the infant mortality Is due to stomach or bowel diseases. Baliles under two years old feed al most absolutely on milk. A high official of the health depart ment says, "No doubt If we could get pure milk mortality of Infants would decrease ."0 per cent." Milk poisoners and your scientific ac cessories observe 10.070 Infanticides in New York In one year thanks to you. Many curious things have been done with water. It has been transmuted Into milk, but the transmutation can not be extended Into blood. It turns back to water, and men with water in their veins make mighty poor soldiers. England from her scums sent an army to do battle with a tenth their num ber, and It took them three years to beat, although they never conquered them. The Boers' blood ami bone came straight from the soil through tlie cow and the wheat stalk, while the veins of the undersized English soldier contain ed little more than water. England came mighty near not canceling that score. Let us. then, take warning. By starving the children we are run ning up a debt that may throw the na tion Into bankruptcy. Henry Irving Dodge in Woman's Home Companion. Dlnmnl Srrnmp Xo More. The famous Dismal swamp In Vir ginia Is coming into profitable cultiva tion. Tlie first company to promote Dismal swamp was organized in colo nial days. George Washington was one of the promoters and the largest stock holder. His company owned two thirds of the 300.000 acres of the swamp and built a canal to float the timber from its property. Little lias been done from that time until recently, except by lumbermen. In the days before the war the swamp was a popular refuge for runaway slaves. It is situated in the south eastern corner of Virginia, and It ex tends fromji few miles from Norfolk. At its highest points it is only fifteen or twenty feet above tidewater. Its streams are so pure that their water is sought by vessels going on long voyages. It was long thought that the swamp was malarious and that white men could not live there the year round. This notion lias been disproved by the truck farmers seeking cheaper land, who are clearing up the swamp and turning it into prosperous truck gar dens. Lahouohere'M Tnle Out of School. I remember some years ago tlie gov ernment suddenly fouud itself In a mi nority at about 3 o'clock a. m. Men were put to talk, and messengers were sent to the houses of the absentees urging them to get up and come at once to the house. Tho wives replied that their husbands were not at home and that probably they were In the house, and then a good many of them came themselves, fearing that their husbands had been run over or some thing of that kind. In the meantime most of the absentees had been discov ered and had made their appearance. One of them said to me: "You know my wife. Pray manage to throw yourself in her way and tell her that you and I had been talking about some business in the library since midnight." I did not hesitate a moment to secure the threatened domestic bliss of a Couserv tive, although at the expense of entire veracity, for I had not seen my friend during the entire sitting. London Truth. A 3Ionetnrj- Prohlem. A man In Chicago has ."00 cents wliich he can't spend, can't sell, can't melt up. can't give away and which he can't even keep. At least if lie does any of these things he Is breaking the law. and he hasn't figured out the an swer 3'et. He is proprietor of a num ber of penny-ln-the-slot machines, nnd the ."00 pennies are the mutilated coin that the machines have accepted in six mouths without his consent. He can't sell them for junk copper because they are bad money, he can't pass them off ns pennies for the reason that they are bad pennies and might cause him to pass some time in jail, and If he keeps them he is liable for carrying bad mon ey. Technically the owner of tlie pen nies violates the law whatever he does with them. Kansas Citv Journal. The Ancient Sioux. The discovery on an Iowa farm of muny relics. Including human skulls nnd skeletons, of an Indian race of the existence of which there are no local traditions and no other evidence lias Interested and puzzled the historians aud scientists of the region. Professor Van Hynlng of the state historical de partment concludes that the graves are a splendid representation of the once thrifty suul powerful nation of the Sioux and that the graves antedate the settlement of the white man. Black locust trees two feet in diameter are growing on some of the burial mounds, which alone is proof of great age. Philadelphia Ledger. Enrcnlfed by the Sen. Great Britain lost 14S.00G acres be tween 1S07 and 1S80 by the encroach ment of the sea and 20.15? acres be tween 1SS0 and 1S00. A survey In tlie reign of Edward I. gave the duchy of Cornwall 1,500,000 acres, but the ord nance survey some years ago showed that this had been reduced to S20.500 acres. Villages have disappeared In tho ocean, as in the case of Dunwich, of which nothing remains but a mined church on the edge of a cliff. With the Illnjf on It. Grayce Edythe Is pretty foxy. She ft-on't say anything about her love af fairs, but I havo an Idea that she has finally accepted young Saplelgh. Gladys In that case she Is apt to soon show her hand. Louisville Courier-Journal. Work. "Anyhow you can't deny that Hewll gus Is a self made man. Ho worked Ids way through college." "no certnlnly did. He worked near ly every student in the Institution." Chicago Tribune. HUMOR OF THE HOUR Conldn't See to Go to Sleep. Georgle. aged three and one-hall years, with his mother and baby broth er, was visiting his aunt in the country. When night came mamma put the children to bed upstairs and for con venience left a light burning In th upper hall. The baby promptly went to sleep, but Georgle, excited by the events of the day, was restless and could not settle himself. Pretty soon n small voice came from the upper regions calling niamnia, and when she went to investigate she was met with the plaintive request. "Mamma, won't you pleathe put tiie light out? I can't thee (see) to go to tlileep." Xot a Mere Clerk. Wealthy Parent What! Engaged yourself to young Ta pester? Out rageous! The Idea of a Van Junelierry marrying a mere store clerk! Daughter But he ln't a store clerk now, papa. He is a gentleman of lei sure. "Eh?" "Yes; he's been discharged." New York Weekly. Very Queer. "Mrs. Popley was telling me about her baby today." "Yes? I met Mrs. Noomar today, and she was telling me about hers. She pays it's just tlie sweetest nnd pret tiest little tiling in the world." "How odd! So is Mrs. Poplcy's." Philadelphia Press. So Bunt. "I don't see how he can put In all his time at golf." "Well, I believe he's not busy nt the office these days." "Not busy at the office? Why. how's that?" "He's too busy at golf." Cleveland Leader. Twin Sonln. "Jack and Vera came nearer fulfill ing my idea of two souls with but a single thought than do any other cou ple I have ever known. He fairly wor ships her." "And she fairly worships himv' "No. She fairly worships herself." Houston Post. Woman Way. Gladys I hate him! When he passes I slnm the door as hard as I can. Her Father Indeed! Gladys Yes. and when we meet I stamp my feet. Her Father You don't say! When are you going to be married? Lneky Children. "Ah. madam." said the French maid, "Ieetle Fldo weel not eat ze bonbons." "The dear, intelligent little doggie!" exclaimed Mrs. Swellman. "There must bo something wrong with those lH)iibons, Celeste. Give them to the children." Catholic Standard and Times. Getting Ills Money' Worth. Sensoned Passenger (on ocean liner) Why did you go to the table and try to eat a meal when you were already sick? Haggard Possengcr (leaning deject edly over the rail) I have to pay for it just the same, don't I? Chicago Trib une. Ce For ihe Handle. Enpeck My wife told me to buy her a good broom. Denier Well, here's one with a hick ory handle warranted not to break. Enpeck Great Scott, do you think my skull is made cf cast Iron? Ken sas City Independent. A nin.intiafactlon. "How do you like that speaker?" "He is neither one tiling nor the oth er." answered the man who Is never pleased. "His remarks are Just stupid enough to make you sleepy and Just loud enough to keep you awake." Washington Star. Proof of Love. Uncle Charles Do you really believe Martha is very fond of her husband? Aunt June now can you ask such a question? Don't you know she has hardly opened her piano since they were married? Boston Transcript In III Line. She He dealt the defense an awful blow. He (unthinkingly) Yes; he was al ways a blower. Yonkers Herald. Stronjc Temptation. "I thought he said he'd never speak to you again." "So he did. but he suv? I had a cold, and he couldn't res:t the temptation to tell me of n cure tor it." Philadel phia Ledger. Pnnnlntc Repartee. Counsel I wish my client was hero Instead of. as I expect, lying In bed. His Honor Perhaps he Is better ly ing In bed than lying here. London Tit-Bits. Subtraction. A tencher In a western public school was giving her class the first lesson In subtraction. "Now, In order to sub tract," she explained, "things have to lie always of the same denomination. For Instance, we couldn't take three apples from four pears or six horses from nine dogs." A hand went up In the back part of the room. "Teacher," shouted a small boy. "can't you take four quarts of milk from three cows?" Harper's Weekly.