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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (May 7, 1903)
-r' ■ '-Vi- ’ St > BANDON RECORDER. HOW husbands shop . | Blaaee YSat It Was Certala Weald Met Please the Lady. The pleasure* of shopping are •• rig »rously denied to “mere man” as are the advantages of whistling to fair .wo man. The decree, being nature'* own, 1* universal, and the attempt* made to contravene it are few and unsucce«»- ful. An exception, more apparent than real, waa made a few day* ago by an uxorious Berlin husband intent on pre senting bis better half with a new blouse. He hurriedly entered one of the first shop* tn the capital aud rou nded bls intention to the graceful young lady assistant. “I want a blouse — a good one. You understand. It must be ■ilk—the best silk.” “May I ask what color you prefer?" Inquired the superior young saleswom an, with a smile. “Oh, I’m uot particular about the col or, but 1 may aay that it may cost from $0 to 40 marks.” "And the cut?" "The cut? Well, I really don’t much care. After all, it comes to the same thing.” •May I aak about the lady for whom It ia destined?” "Why, she 1« my wife, of course! Whom else did you”— "I beg your pardon. What 1 meant was what is her alze, at least approxi mately?" "It doesn’t matter in the least. Please ■bow me some blouse*, one blouse, any blouse, and let me go, for I am in a hurry to catch a train.” "With pleasure, sir, but if you can not give me an idea of the color, cut or ■ise or anything else to guide me how can I hope to suit you?” “Give me any blouse you like *o tong as the price is between 30 and 40 marks. It doesn't matter a straw what cut or color or size 1 choose, for in any case It’s certain to be changed. I told you It 1« for a lady!”—London Telegraph. 8HOPS IN JAPAN The Floors Are the Coasters Maattla* Places or Bayers. *■4 To start a Japanese shop is the sim plest thing In the world. You take the front off your house and arrange your worldly possessions on the floor. Japanese floors are raised off the street, though -nothing is raised off them. The transient customer sits on the edge of the floor sidesaddle. A real shopper who means to do the thing properly climbs up on the floor, which is also the counter, and squats on his heels. Real Japanese shops have no doors or windows or counters. Sbop windows in England do not leave much wall in the frontage, but even an English shop window does not take the whole front of the house. The Japanese have uot many regular shops. There are very few streets of shops even in Tokyo, which is as large as Berlin. Foreigners never buy any thing but curios. If they are fools, they deal with shops kept by Euro peans; If they want bargains, they deal with Chinamen. There are many Chinese shops in treaty ports. The Chinaman la cheaper and more reliable than the Japanese. European shopkeepers do not set up in Japan for philanthropic reasons. Jap anese shopkeepers are the lowest c I ubs of population except the outcasts. Servants and laborers take precedence of them In society, and precedence is the bobby of the Japanese. You have a different bow and a dif ferent salutation for a man who is lie- low you or your equal, and several for the people above you. You have even a different language for each, and Jap anese writing wriggles like carving on their temples.—Ixindon Standard. Didn’t Bother Him. A German clergyman who was trav eling stopped at a hotel much frequent ed by wags aud jokers. The host, not being used to having a clergyman at his table, looked at him with surprise. Ths guests used all their raillery of wit upon him without eliciting a re mark. The clergyman ate his dinner quietly, apparently without observing the gibes and sueers of bls neighbors. One of them, at last, in despair at his forbearance, said to him: “Well, I won der at your patience. Have you not heard all that has been said to you?” “Oh, yes; but I am used to It Do you know who I am?" “No, sir.” “Well, 1 will Inform you. I am chaplain of a lunatic asylum. Such remarks have no effect upon me.” A Basaiaa Banknote. The 100 ruble note of Russia la barred from top to bottom with all the colors of the rainbow, blended as when shown through a prism. In the center la bold relief stands a large, finely ex ecuted vignette of the Empress Cath erine 1. This is in black. The other engraving is not at all Intricate or elab orate, but is well done in dark and light brown and black Inks. Belated Kladnee». Mr. Smith (in street car)—Madam, take my «eat Mr*. Jone* (wbo ba* been standing fifteen minute«)—No, tbsnks. I get off at the next corner. Mr. Smith—That's all right. So do 1. —Chicago Jounu.1. Be Uee a« All. H« (who has offended her)—Won't you took up at me? ■h o It 1 did, you'd kiss me again. He— No; honest, 1 won’t ■he Then what’s the use?—Life. ¡I P olly L arkin **]! »••• A few years ago it was claimed that citrus fruits could not be successfully grown lu any place ou this coast except the southern part of the State. Loa Angeles had I ts big orange aud lemou orchards, as did Riverside, Han Diego aud various other pitees where the resi dents prided themselves on the success ful growth of the golden fruit. Grad ually the northern part of the Hi ate waked up to the fact that they lived in the garden part of California. Many orchardists planted out a few trees. The historic old town of Honoma dis covered that this pretty “Valley of the Moon” could produce Hue oranges, and here they were raised quite extensively. Nearly every town had a few trees, although the residents made no preten sions toward planting an orange or chard. Finally the pretty little town of Cloverdale, situated like a gem in the surrounding beautiful hills, was found to lie the home of citrus fruits. Oranges, lentous aud grape fruit, sweet, Juicy aud of the most delicious flavor, citron, etc., are grown here with ease. If auyone was iu doubt as to the truth of the assertion that the northern part of California was adapted to the growth of citrus fruits, they bad only to visit the Citrus Fair held iu Cloverdale dur ing February to thoroughly convince them of their mistake. The display was far more artistic than the much- talked-of citrus exhibit at the ferry building iu Ban Francisco a few months ago, in which many counties exhibited fruits, nuts aud cereals. The pavilion, situated in the heart of the town, is ouly a step from the depot of the Cali fornia Northwestern Railway. It was beautifully decorated in the carnival colora of yellow, green and white, and as if, iu honor of the occasion, the accacia trees were a shiuiug mass of gold aud greeu mingling their fragrance with the orauge blossoms. The bird of freedom, an eagle made out of oranges with lieak and talons of gold, greeted you upon entering the pavilion. It was all a glow qf gold, with its yellow buutiug and thousands of golden or anges. All of the exhibitors bad vied with each other iu giviug some unique design of their owu. The most elab orate was a Japanese temple iu which skill aud artistic taste had i»eeu com bined and in which wood orange., lem ons, beans and corn figured, aud Polly ceuld uot begin to tell you of the vari ous articles that weut to make the per fect whole. It was exhibited by Mrs. Brush of Cloverdale. There was a great deal of artistic carviug which was done by her Japanese boy, who had em ployed his leisure time for several months in preparing for the temple. The foundation aud the steps looked as if they were made of black tiling and put together with white enamel. A closer obervalion showed the tiliug to be of black beans apd what seemed to be little black dried olives, the lines which separated the eveu black tiles were small white b aus and corn with ouly the little points showing. The walks of the miuiature garden and about the temple were of the same little beau tiles edged with the white beans. The garden was covered with beautiful green moss, and with its growing palms and little plants was natural euough to make one believe, likeTopsy, that they had “|ust growed” there and were no fairy reproduction. A tiny hedge of cedar surrounded the garden, and the whole was a tit setting for the gleam tug temple of oranges in the center, which was hung with Chinese lanterns. It was a work of art and receiver! the attention it deserved. The California Northwestern Rail way runs directly through this citrus belt, and I beard oue tuau predict that it would uot be long uutil every acre of ground was planted in the golden fruit. He stated that it was an Ideal place for a summer home aud believed that bu»i- ueus meu of Han Francisco would And It to their iuterest to build pretty homes here where they could scud their fam ilies every summer out of the wiudy aud dusty city, for here they could be with them every Hunday night. “In fact,’’ be remarked, “every foot of grouud from Tiburon to Willits ou the California Northwestern Railway It good, lxxtk at the chicken ranches speckling the hillsides with healthy poultry, aud tbluk of the enormous income to this section of the State from this source alone, lxxik at the dairy country aud creameries that loom up as you go wblrliug through the country. Every few miles Is a protqierous towu and busy happy people. There are orchards galore ami canneries and win eries. The Asti Colony s|waks vol umes for this section of the country. Hopland tells the story, for ill this favored section aud all up through Mendocino «xiuuty, hops flourish, aud they raise some the best iu the market. It looks as if everything worth culti vating could be grown In this favored section. It is a paradise for anglers for the speckled beauties, aud sportsmen flock up this way wheu the trout law expires. Itisa favorite buntinggrouud for the sportsmen, who manage to bring down many a fleet-footed deer besides small game galore. Just wait until the summer exodus begins, then you will see campers, artists, botauists and sum mer sojourners fosa season taking their flight to the many different summer resorts, the quiet of country homes or the more exciting life in the many towns that line the California North western Railway. I have been com ing up this way for five years and the attractions never grow less for me or my family and at least a score of my particular friends. It is one of the countries you read about, always teem ing with good things and you never tire of it. »»»» The ladies of the California Outdoor Art League paid a pretty tribute to the memory of Marshall, the discoverer of gold in California, the other day. They made a pilgrimage to Marshall square to plant the seed of the escholtzia. Al) around the palms in the square they planted the seed of the golden poppy— the Htate flower—which will throw a golden glow over Marshall's last resting place. * 4* CHOICE MlSCELLAtfr Flee Table Linen». Nowhere iu the world, perhaps, have the royal purple, beaten silver and fine linen of the old Testament bue& ¡ mm T« lavishly duplicated* than in the homes of New York’s money kings. Surely money was uever more wisely invested thau in flue llueu for table service. Within the last five weeks there was delivered to George Gould oue set of Uneu table service that cost $7,000. It was a special order uiade to fit a round mabogauy bauquetiug table that can seat eighty guest*. The liuen was first used at the opening of the remodeled Fifth avenue mansion on the night of the ball. Spun of the finest Irish linen the tablecloth la six yards long. It has a deep, round border of Florentine point lace, all band made in one piece. The center ia solid lace. The lace was designed specially for the Goulds and will never be duplicated. -It represents months of labor by scores of women lace makers. With the cloth went six dozen plate aud finger bowl dollies, em bellished with Florentine point lace, carrying out tlie same design of the wide borders in the cloth. The whole is a work of art worthy a place in a museum, where iu all probability it will some day land, to be shown to fu ture generation* as au exaimi pie not ouly of the art, but the opmence of twentieth century living. A Destructive Tear. While the year 1902 was a year of peace among the nations, always ex cepting South America, It blds fair to go down in the annals of the race as one that witnessed a greater destruc- tion of hurnan life than has been wrought by some long and wasting wars. To the subterranean and myste rious forces of Mother Earth most of these calamities have been due. It is estimated that we have to charge her unusual restlessness with 48,900 lives lost through volcanic eruptions and earthquake. Her tornadoes hurled 465 human beings out of existence, and cy clones added 240 more to the list, while other storms in great numbers, but of less dignity in name, placed 720 to the direct account of violent winds. Ftoods swept 345 persons from life, tidal waves drowned 110, and waterspouts destroyed 15. To all of this we must add ,283 lives charged to the destruc tive force of avalanches aud snow slides, and we have a total of 51,078, an astounding mortality from these agencies of destruction in a year. Makin* Beau* Meteorites. Genuine meteorites are curiosities highly prized by museums and scien tific collectors. Professor St Meunier of the Natural History museum of Ber lin paid as much as $5 per gram for a meteorite. It is therefore conceivable that sharp practices should be resorted to by dealers in scientific curiosities. A band of meteorite counterfeiters was recently captured and considerable evi dence obtained of very curious and in genious methods of deceiving the gulli ble collector. The members of this band were Corsicans. It was their practice to obtain natural rock resem BRIEF REVIEW bling meteorites as closely as possible and then to burn them In order to pro Substitutes for Cotton. duce the black crust which is one of The attemptto utilize two native deli- the earmarks of every genuine meteor cute Abers as a substitute for cotton in ite. The pieces of rock were coated many of its uses seems to be progress with lampblack dissolved In molten ing, says Modern Mexico. The plants sulphur. It seems, however, that thia method was so crude that the deception produce a cotton of two classes; the was easily discovered, and the men smaller one gives a cofl'ee-eolored seed were forthwith arrested. and grows and multiplies without any special care all the year round; its fibre Soap Made of Oats. is thicker than that of the common cot “Soup made of oats? Why, certain ton. The seed of the other plant is of ly. And it’s good, too, let me tell you,” a light blue color; this plant requires said the manager of an uptown free special cultivation and irrigation, with soup kitchen. “I know that wheu we out which it will give oue crop in the think of oats we generally have in mind an article of food for horses, but year; the fiber is finer than the other, the grain really contains a great deal and as fine as the 11 nest cotton. Hilario of nutriment that may be applied to Cuevas of Ban Luis Hoyatlan, in the the human being. I need only instance state of Jalisoc, who first experimented oatmeal. Still, it is somewhat star with these two plants, is distributing tling to think of oat soup, isn’t it? We seeds all over the hot lauds, for which began the experiment a short time ago and found that it worked not only it is most suited. to our satisfaction, but to the satisfac tion of the people who come every day A Curious Pulpit. for soup. At first we didn't tell them The oak pulpit in the Seaman's what it was, but when they expressed Church at Hunderland can certainly themselves in favor of the innovation claim tot>e a curio in the way of pul we let them into the secret. And there’s pits. It Is built of w«sxl in the shape no kick coming either.”—Philadelphia of a boat’s bow, and bears ou the guu- Record. Another quaint design was a rocking chair made entirely of oranges, and ex hibited by Mis. J. Cameron. One little boy said he would like to “sit in that obair ail day and just eat oranges.’’ Then there was a bridge of oranges wale in letters of gold the inscription: spanning the mossy banks of the pret “Nevertheless at Thy Word 1 Will Let tiest little pond of clear water in which Down the Net.’’ The pulpit was the a myriad of tiny fish swarm merrily gift of the naval officers and men of the among the rocks. Ferns and maiden Midway flotilla of torpedo boat de hair made this* most Inviting little re stroyers in acknowledgment of the treat, but then there was a big sign on kindness received during their visit to both euds of the bridge warning you Hunderland in May, 1901.—Boston Tran that there was a flve-dollar flue for script. driving or walking over this golden The Carat. span. There were various other designs Wo talk of a diamond being so many and all worthy of special mention, but The carat was if I stopped to do that I would have to carats In weight. say “this article is to be continued in originally the seed of the Abyssinian These seeds are very our next.” They had one long table carat flower. which was covered with fine oranges, equal in size and so were at one time lemons, grape fruit, citron, prunes, used in weighing gold and precious nuts, etc. The English walnuts were stones. To-day the carat as applied to gold the tiueet and largest I have ever seen. Oue table was devoted entirely to means simply the twenty-fourth part olive«, the green and the ripe, and I of the weight of any piece of gold or have seen ol ves aud olives and eaten alloy of gold. them as well, but 1 have never tasted L Historic Relic. any olives to compare with the Clover Although 125 .veara old, a watch dale «nee I have seen larger ones, but never any with as pleaaaut a flavor. owued by a gentleman in Gloucester Polly’s memory is faulty, and I fail to shire, England, still keeps excellent «.member iht aame of the little 'ady time It was worn«»Trftfolgvrdnrtog who had th«-m on exhibit and who the Peninsular war, at Waterloo, treated ail with a lavish hand and in through the China war in 1840 •nd her own gracious wsy to the olive« finally in the Indian mutiny. A Reminder. which were raised and cured on her Dearborn What have you got that own home place. string tied about your finger for? Wabash—Ob, I've been getting mar ried, and my wife doesn't want me to The exhibit of Jellies was enough to forget It—Bouton Herald. make any good housewife turn green with envy. The Asti Colony had a Hypocrisy becomes a necessity for tine collection from their famous win those who Uva scandalously.—DeFlnod. ery, and there was a splendid exhibit of pure olive oil as amber as the ray* of Cause and BBeet. .La Montt—Children are so much sunset. There was also a display of worse than they used to be. What do tobacco, which proved that the weed you attribute it to? could be grown in thia vicinity. There La Moyne—Improved ideas In build- were painting and fancy work and a very pretty and costly collection of In La Mantt-What has that to do with dian baskets, but if I went into details It? La Moyne— Much. Shingle« are it would take more spstce than la al- •carve and you can't «pank a boy with totted for two or three weeks to come e Ua roof.-Philadelphia Record. Polly to indebted to Mr. T. Witooo, » manager of the fair, aud to Mrs. J. Cameron, not alone for courtesies shown but for baskets of the magnificeut fruit deeorated with their owu greeu foliage. t' »• /M ■ ■ An Undesirable Place. Weary Wraggles— Hey! You won’t git nothin’ decent iu dere. Item people Is vegetarians. Hungry Hank—Is dat right? Weary Wraggles— Yeh, an’ dey got a dog w’at ain’t.—Philadelphia Press. Study Is the bane of boyhood, the ailment of youth, the indulgence of manhood and the restorative of old age. I .andor. Horses are like eggs. It ia impossible to tell what’s In them until they are broken. Things do not go wrung of them- selvas; somebody pusheedhem.-Puck. Dlfficalty With the lerin*. That the diphtheria antitoxin serum is a specific for that dread disease is a fact which has for some time rested ujion a broad basis of satisfactory ex perience. As much unfortunately at this time cannot be said for any one ol the other serums. The serums for ery sipelas, lockjaw, pneumonia and puer peral fever have by no means risen tc the expectations of the physician, and tuberculin, perhaps owing to the dlffi culty in getting it free from bacteria ia little used except in testing cattle foi tuberculosis. Hat Etlqaette at Sarawak. The rajah of Sarawak has Issued an order to the following effect: "The hab it of wearing caps and hats of Europe an shape and manufacture haviug be come general among natives of all classes, I hereby direct that any native wearing such a cap or hat shall re move it from bls head upon entering any government office or building or when addressing any European offl cer." Siugapore Free Press. WRESTLING WITH RUSSIAN Tba Traveler Wasted a Tawel aad riaally Hat It. A. H. Savage Lantlor, in his book of travel, “Across Coveted Lasds,” re- latss an amusing railway Incident that «xx-urred in Russia while be was eu route to Persia. “Unable to get at my towels packed in my registered baggage and lguorant of the Russian language,” he says, “I inquired of a polyglot fellow passenger what was the Russian word for towel, so that 1 could ask the guard for oue. ‘Palatlenal,’ said be, and I repeated 'palatlensi, palatleusl, palatlenal.’ so as to Impress the word well upon my memory. Having enjoyed a good wash aud a shamixw aud dripping all over with water, I rang for the guard, and. sure euough, wheu the man came I could uot recollect the word. At last it dawued upou me that It was ‘palatin- ski,’ and ‘palatlenskl’ I asked of the guard. To my surprise the guard smiled graciously, aud, puttiug on a modest air, replied, 'l’alatluskl ulet, paruakl’ (’I do not speak Latin, I speak only Russian'), and the more I repeat- ed ’palatlnskl,’ putting the Inflection now ou one syllable, then ou the other, to make him understand, the more flat- tered the man seemed to be, and mod- estly gave the same answer. “Thia was Incomprehensible to me un til my polyglot fellow passenger came to my assistance. ‘Do you know what you are asking the guard?' he saiti in ronvulslons of laughter. ‘Yes, I am asking for a palatlnskl—a towel.’ ‘No, you are not!' aud he positively weut into hysterica. ‘Palatlnskl meaus “Do you speak Latin?” How can you ex pect a Russian railway guard to speak Latin? Ixx>k how incensed the poor man Is at being mistaken for a Latin scholar! Ask him for a palatlensi, and he will run for a towel.' “The man did run on the magic word being pronounced and duly returned with a nice clean palatlensi, which, however, was of little use to me, for I had by this time got dry by the natural processes of dripping evai>oratlon.” THE PERIPATETIC BEAR. Sammer Oatin* of a Mother Grtasly and Her Yoon* Ones. There is a deal of discussion among huuters after big game in the moun tains concerning the sort of fathers and husbands grizzly bears make, says a writer in Outing. The consensus of opinion seems to be that bruin Is an un faithful, heartless spouse and a con temptible father. He will help Mme. Bruin seek a cave or an opening in the- rocks or mountain side, where their cubs may be born, aud he will carry a dainty morsel, such as a sheep, a calf or part of a cow's carcass there for his mate’s food. However, a few days after the cubs are born in the family circle he will leave the home, probably never having any further ac quaintance with his spouse and her offspring. Thereafter Muie. Bruin must make her owu way and provide for her cubs. Unlike the black bear, which is a Jolly, fun loving father that rolls and frolics with bis baby children, the wale grizzly will have nothing to do with the cubs. Mme. Grizzly and her chll- dren are companions for two summers, and they hibernate roiled together in a ball of fur for about 100 days, dur ing the coldest days of winter. The mother bear and her young trav el far and wide, moving principally at night. Kit Carson said that the wide range of a family of healthy grizzlies In a summer season is almost incalcu lable. He bad reason to know of a mother grizzly and her two cubs that once left their hibernating cave among the southern spurs of the Rocky moun tains in New Mexico one spring In the forties, crossed the Colorado and Wy oming, were seen in the mountains In Montana and were back in New Mex ico again for another winter before the following October. NEW SHORT STORIES FACTS IN FEW LINES Haw the Tarkey* Were Leet. There are In round uumbera 4,200 employees of all trades in the govern- meat priming uukv iu uua city. Iu the winter of 1888-89 there were about 3,000 men and women employed In the building. Probably that small army of aervants of the government uever heard bow fifty-five girls employed in the bindery prevented the distribution of 3,000 turkeys ou the day before Christmas. 1888. Mr. Peters, chief clerk of the navy department, tells the story: “In No vember, 1888, Secretary Whitney post polled the preparation of bis annual report until a very late day. In fact. It was uot until the Thursday before the Saturday on which It must be mailed that he began the dictation. But he was a rusher wheu be started, aud the document was written, printed, bound iu pamphlet form aud mailed before midnight on Saturday. “The secretary himself visited the government printing office and watched the work of the compositors, pressmen and binders and was greatly pleased over the interest which every one seemed to take In helping us out. Ou Tuesday of the following week. Just two days before Thanksgiving, Mr. Whitney sent for me and said, 'Mr. Peters, I wish you would go to tile market and buy a turkey for each and every employee of the government printing office.’ ‘“But, Mr. Secretary,’ I replied, ‘it would require 3,000 turkeys to All that order.’ “ ’It makes no difference if 5.000 would be needl'd. Buy them.’ “ 'It Is impossible,’ I said. 'There are not 3,000 unsold turkeys to lie had In Washington today.’ “ ‘Then,’ said be, ‘ascertain the names of the men who bad the principal part in getting out the report, get a turkey for each today and order the necessary number, 3,000 or 5,000, and see that they are delivered in time for Christ mas.' “Under these instructions rtlue tur keys were sent to the printing office that day. The next morning the secre tary received ten letters. Nine were notes of thanks, and the other was a letter from fifty-five girls In the bind ery, who demanded a turkey each lie cause of the part they had taken in gettiug out the report. As soon as he had read that letter the secretary of the navy sent for me and, handing the letter over, said: " 'Mr. Peters, I have gone out of the turkey business.' "Nothing further was necessary. The Christmas distribution was not made and all on account of the haste of fifty- five women to get recognition for their services.”—Washington Poet. , Grttin* Dows tw Their Level. Thomas B. Reed, a Philadelphia law yer says, made a political address in a small Pennsylvania town some years ago. The town hall was small and badly lighted, aud the speaker's desk was set exceedingly close to the edge of the platform. Mr. Reed as bls speech progressed became excited. He forgot his sur- Red Jacket*« Me Red Jacket, the Indian chief, bad more confidence in his own memory than in books and papers of white men. There was a council at one time be fore Tompkins, an early governor of New York, In regard to an ancient treaty. The agent said one thing, but Red Jacket corrected him. “You have forgotten," said the American agent. “We have it written down on paper.” "The paper then tells a lie,” was the confident answer. “I have it written here,” continued the chief, placing bls band with dignity upon his brow. “You Yankees are born with a feath er between your fingers, but your pa per does not speak the truth. The In dian keeps his knowledge here. This is the book the Great Spirit gave him. It does not lie.” A reference was made to the treaty in question, when to the as tonishment of all every w<yd that Red Jacket had said was confirmed on the document Aaeuaed Only the Aetora. his “Random Recollections'* in Charles IL E. Brookfield, a highly es- tretned actor on the London stage, says: "I remember a pie«« which we produced at the Comedy theater, writ ten by a popular author and very strongly cast, which amused us all so much that we could hardly rehearse it Charles Hawtrey used every now and then ti warn us: ‘Now, don't »(teak too soon on that. There's certain to be a big iSUgii, and we don t want tuem to miss the next line.’ We rehearsed for six weeks. On the first night nothing went wrong—but the ph>ce. There was not one laugh nor one round of ap plause from start to finish We took off the comedy in ten days, during which we rehearsed as a atop gap a conventional three act farce with □o literary pretensions. I think It ran for a year.” IT AND HE FELL TO THE FLOOR TOOETHEB. roundings, he forgot bow near he was to the platform's edge, and inadvert ently he leaned upon his lectum too heavily, with the result that it aud lie fell to the floor together. The desk alighted first, with a tre mendous noise, and the sjieaker fol lowed it in a cloud of dust. He Imme diately rose to his feet again, none the worse, but the laughter of the towns people would not allow him to pro ceed. He stood this loud and coarse laughter for some moments. Then be held up bis hand. “Don't laugh at me,” be said. “Don't laugh. I was merely getting down to the level of my audience.”—New York Tribune. Heads Had (brisk. Mr. Louis H. Landman, the Cincin nati oculist, tells this story of life iu the Cumberland mountains In Ken tucky: “Jess Cole, the sage of Lee county, is a famous local character. One day he entered the courthouse at Beattyville. Conclusive Araameat. JHe s»ood sg'i’nst tv. wall ar/M!e watching a group of lawyers who were First Office Boy—I guess ds boss will discussing a case which was to coine raise my pay. up that morning. Their conversation Second Office Boy—What makes yer pained him, and he stepped up to them. t’lnk so? “‘Gentlemen,’ he said, 'twenty years First Office Boy—I give him ter un ago the lawyers in this yere state was derstand I’d stay Uli be did.—Judge. men—great big men with great big fur Queer About the Bye«. hats as big as bushel baskets. Now. Sweet Peaee Aasared. Prince Troubetskoy, the artist, once b'gosh. a man could squeeze an oyster Rufus—Nossuh! Ah don’t have painted in Paris the portrait of an can over any of you fellers’ heads ’ ” mo’ trouble wif de boss at de shop. American who was cross eyed. The Uncle Remus — Huh! Yo’ mus’ VaseMah. painter thought a great deal alxiut the done reformed yo’ ways, den. Is yo’? “Widowhood makes a woman unself matter and Anally made his picture Rufus—Nossuh! Ah’se done quit de ish.” cross eyed, too, so that It should be a fob!—Chicago News. “Why soF’ faithful likeness. “Because she ceases to look out for When it was done, the original Fell Away. No. 1 and begins to look out for No. 2.” “I understand bis friends bar« ail looked at it and said: —Town and Country. “It seems to me—it seems—why. deserted him.” “Y*a. You see, they discovered tbst bang it. this picture ia cross eyed, isn't A Henyeeked Husband. he was sctuslly going to need their IF Meekton Do you know bow to gov “Why. no more than you are. sir," ern your wife? assistance.”—Colorado Springs Gazette. said Prince Troubetskoy. Henpeck—Yes, but she won’t let me "Well, perhaps you're right.” mur mured the American. “It seems to have Many a fool man casts a shadow on a queer look about the eyes, though.” his life by standing In his own light The United Kingdom spends $4.400,- 00o a year on ralglns. The amount Invested in the Siberian railway is $401,700.000. The first electrical railway was that of Hlemens of Berlin In 1879. Four new and rich tin mines are be ing developed iu North Queensland. The oat aud sugar crops of the United States have each Increased «lifold tn Iffy years. So short Is the wheat crop of Aua- trails that Inquiry for American wheat U beiug made. There are 525 labor unions In Chica go. with an estimated membership ol more thau 200,000. The aunual loss of fruit from Insects Is put by the United States eutomolo gist at $300,000,000. A new effort is beiug made Iu Dublin to revive the old Irish harp, aud it is meeting with considerable supt>ort. Ou a round trip of the Deutschland of the Hamburg-American line $2U0,lMM> was taken for passenger fares alone. With a gift of $250,000 recently to Columbia college a department of health aud science will be established. The number of passengers carried by boats on the great lakes is from a quarter to a third of a million each season. Btowmarket's (England) ancient fire engine, presented to the towu In 1*34. has la*en handed over to the local au thorities and boused In the tire brigade premises. The three Swedish pioneers of Min- nesota, Oscar Roos, Carl Fernstrom and August Sandam, have just had a monument erected to their memory at New Scandia, Minn. Attempting to commit suicide in the Dtinulie canal at Vienna a man stuck fast In the thick lee which supported him until he was rescued frozen id- most stiff and quite unconscious. The Illinois supreme court lias de- cMed that the weekly pay law is con stitutional. This will com|>el manufac turers in Illinois to pay their men weekly whenever it is demanded. "Tourists and other tramps may write their names here on payment of ti shillings. Proceeds to go toward fresh paint,” states a notice board at the half way hut on Ben Nevis, Scot land. When the harbor authorities of Cal cutta advertised for bids ou locomo tives. the lowest English bid was $7,- 34!). with delivery In nine months. The lowest American bld was $5,998, deliv ered iu six mouths. At the present day many cotton mills are working iu Bombay, and more will soon lie started. Already the entire yarn supply of India, and to some ex tent of Chinn and Japan, Is furnished by the Bombay mills. At tile present day, on the best au thorities, there are 250,000,000 Mussul mans In the world. The Christian pop ulation is put ut 447,000.000, but the Increase of Islam Is more rapid than that of its sister religion. Strassburg is about to erect a monu ment to Goethe. The German poet passed some of the ls-st years of his youth in the Alsatian town and re ferred to it frequently with words of admiring aff<>ction in ills memoirs. Ariungements are.beiug made for the emigration of domestics from England to South Africa. Fifty-one went by the Harlech Castle, and regular sail ings will follow. The domestics will be housed by the authorities until they obtain situations. The British and Foreign Bible socie ty Is endeavoring to reach more than 500,000 blind Hindoos by circulating the Scriptures through a recent adapta tion of Louis Braille's raised dot sys tem as distinguished from Moon’s line system, so long in operation. A German firm in the well known town of Essen are making a good thing out of old sanline tins. Huge quanti ties of old tins are conveyed to the works, where they are treated by a system of electrolytic deposition, and the tin and Iron recovered for use in manufacturing metal goods. The czar lias sent a check for $5,000 to W. 8. Johnston, an Englishman, of the Tuku Tug and Lighter company, as a mark of appreciation of the gal lant services lie rendered to the allies during the bombardment of the Taku forts. The British authorities have shown no recognition of Mr. Johnstou's services. In the great walking match over the 124 miles between Berlin and Dresden for the International championship the first six arrivals at Berlin were all veg etarians. Karl Mann, the winner, who was twenty-eight years of age and who has lived on vegetable food for teu years, covered the distance In 26 hours and 53 minutes. He was declared the champion pedestrian of the world. The automatic revolving chain lubri cating brush is a new cyclists’ boon. The brush, which is a rotary one, is fixed to the bar over the bub chain wheel and set low enough ou the chain to set tl>e brush In motion when travel ing. Above the brush is a receptacle containing a cake of lubricant, which rests on the brush, and when the latter is revolving takes a certain quantity, wlileh it transfers to the chain, there by keeping it thoroughly lubricated in every joint and cieamsi from ail dust and dirt. The “planter" is a device for the as sistance of the gardener. It looks like a pair of large curling tongs, which - when close«! form n hollow tube and taper to a point. The plant to be In serted Into the ground is placed In the tuts* portion, which Is then forced into the earth and open«*«! by shutting the handles. The plant is left in the earth when the Implement is withdrawn. The operation of planting and transplanting is rendered easy, and the coiitrivam* Is carried as conveniently as a pair of aciaaora. KleptoMasiaea Cerreeted. Ixindon shopkeeiiers in the west end have a new method of dealing with female kleptomaniacs of gevtle birth. They give them their choice between arrest or birching, and It is said tliat In one sbop alone twenty women have chosen the latter. The birch used Is substantial, and It Is applied by the manageress, a person In excellent phys- leal training. The horse is mau'i best friend ex cept those st ths raes track.—Puck.
